Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 110 | How to Stop Letting Money Control You and Start Creating Real Financial Confidence
Transcript
- 0:00Erin Gray: Have you ever felt like your entire mood depends on your bank account balance, like money is somehow calling the shots in your life, dictating what you can and cannot do, how you feel and even how you see yourself?
- 0:14Erin Gray: If so, I want you to know that you are not alone.
- 0:17Erin Gray: This has been my journey.
- 0:19Erin Gray: It is, more often than not, a lot of my clients when they first come to see me, and so today I'm going to offer you a different way of looking at this, because the truth is, money only feels like it's in control because we have handed over our power to it, and this is how I live for years, attaching so much meaning to money, my safety, my worth, my sense of security, my enoughness, and it really ran my emotional world for a very long time.
- 0:51Erin Gray: And the shift that happens when you change your identity to someone who is confident and leads their money.
- 1:00Erin Gray: That is when you truly take your power back.
- 1:03Erin Gray: Do you want to create a system to stop avoiding your money?
- 1:06Erin Gray: Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to your finances.
- 1:10Erin Gray: Welcome to your Money, your Rules.
- 1:12Erin Gray: I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had.
- 1:21Erin Gray: I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way.
- 1:29Erin Gray: It's time to get comfortable with money.
- 1:31Erin Gray: If you're tired of doing this work alone, I want to invite you to schedule a one-on-one master your money coaching session.
- 1:39Erin Gray: Together, we will look at your unique financial situation.
- 1:43Erin Gray: Together, we will look at your unique financial situation, clarify your goals, what you want, your values, and then create a customized plan that blends practical strategies with human design insights.
- 1:56Erin Gray: You will walk away with tools to simplify your money management.
- 2:01Erin Gray: If you are ready for more clarity, more peace of mind, schedule your one-on-one session by going to my website, generatealifewelllivedcom, and let's work together to create a financial plan that truly works for you.
- 2:16Erin Gray: So let's talk about why.
- 2:18Erin Gray: I think money feels like it's driving the bus and like it's in control, and I believe that that comes back to attachment.
- 2:26Erin Gray: You know most of us were taught growing up, directly or indirectly, that money equals security, power, status and sometimes even love, and so what happens is we become attached, not just practically right, but actual, emotionally.
- 2:46Erin Gray: So when we check our bank account, we hope that that's going to make us feel secure.
- 2:53Erin Gray: We might feel fear and panic if it dips.
- 2:57Erin Gray: We avoid spending even when we have enough, because we have equated money in a certain dollar amount to security.
- 3:06Erin Gray: And it's not the numbers that's creating the issue, it's the meaning that we are giving to these numbers.
- 3:13Erin Gray: So how does attachment actually show up or what does it look like?
- 3:18Erin Gray: I think it is very conditional thinking and feeling.
- 3:22Erin Gray: It might look like you feel unsafe spending even on things that you need, because you were taught that a certain amount of money should stay in your bank account or a certain amount of money equals security.
- 3:36Erin Gray: You might say things like well, once I hit X number in my business or once I have X amount saved like this has been the story of my life up until several years ago then I'm going to feel better.
- 3:50Erin Gray: Right, you might feel shame because you aren't earning enough or generating enough money, or you might even be delaying decisions because you are waiting for permission from your finances, and all of these types of behaviors really puts money in the driver's seat and you more in that reactive state.
- 4:14Erin Gray: Okay, so you might be asking okay, great, aaron, so now I know how I am being conditional and I'm being attached with money.
- 4:21Erin Gray: How do I get out of this?
- 4:22Erin Gray: How do I break the cycle?
- 4:23Erin Gray: And my answer is we have to shift our identity.
- 4:26Erin Gray: You know, most people try to change their finances through doing some type of external work without doing that internal work, because that is easier, right, and it is a short-term fix.
- 4:42Erin Gray: So we try to use willpower I mean, I think about this from just like, you know, with food.
- 4:49Erin Gray: You know how many times have we tried to go on a diet but it doesn't work.
- 4:53Erin Gray: Because we try to use willpower, we try to restrict, we do all of those things, but we haven't changed who we are.
- 5:01Erin Gray: Right, I am a non-drinker.
- 5:02Erin Gray: So when someone asks me and I don't care if you drink, I'm just using this as an example I don't, I don't drink.
- 5:08Erin Gray: And so when someone asks me, do you want to have?
- 5:10Erin Gray: You know they pass me the menu for out in a restaurant.
- 5:14Erin Gray: Or you know, hey, let's get together.
- 5:16Erin Gray: You know, let's have some wine.
- 5:17Erin Gray: I don't drink.
- 5:18Erin Gray: So it's not even who I am, it's not my identity.
- 5:22Erin Gray: My identity is someone who drinks water, who drinks seltzer water, who drinks iced tea and kombucha and lattes.
- 5:29Erin Gray: I don't drink alcohol.
- 5:30Erin Gray: And so when we are trying to use willpower, right, we think we're going to budget harder, or we're going to restrict more, or we're going to work more, or we're going to wait until we feel ready.
- 5:42Erin Gray: But that is all external things we have to decide right.
- 5:47Erin Gray: Real change starts with the question of who am I being with money?
- 5:53Erin Gray: Am I being an anxious person with money?
- 5:57Erin Gray: Am I being an avoidant person with money?
- 6:00Erin Gray: Am I being an over-controlling or hyper-vigilant person with money?
- 6:04Erin Gray: You can decide today to be confident, like I am a confident person.
- 6:11Erin Gray: I am highly resourceful, like things that I tell myself and I believe about myself.
- 6:14Erin Gray: I am highly resourceful, I'm highly successful, I am empowered.
- 6:17Erin Gray: I love myself.
- 6:17Erin Gray: I am highly resourceful, I'm highly successful, I am empowered, I love myself, I am confident, I am powerful.
- 6:24Erin Gray: And so you can decide to one.
- 6:28Erin Gray: Tell yourself these things and start forming new beliefs around this and also be confident with your money.
- 6:36Erin Gray: So someone who is confident with their money, so someone who is confident with their money, someone who feels at peace with their money, someone who is calm, who is trusting with their money, how are they acting?
- 6:47Erin Gray: What are they thinking and feeling, versus someone who is feeling anxious or avoidant or trying to control?
- 6:56Erin Gray: So you have to ask yourself who am I being?
- 6:59Erin Gray: And I think that confidence is a decision we can decide.
- 7:04Erin Gray: I mean, I think that there are several ways to look at this.
- 7:06Erin Gray: You know you can if, if, if you say to yourself, I am a confident person or I am confident with my money and that doesn't feel true in your body, then do some more bridge thoughts.
- 7:16Erin Gray: Or like a ladder belief, meaning like I'm in the process of becoming more confident with my money, I'm in the process of trusting myself with my money, I'm in the process of learning how to be confident with my money, like what feels true in your body.
- 7:29Erin Gray: Cause if you're telling yourself I'm confident with your money and your body is rejecting that, then you don't truly believe it.
- 7:35Erin Gray: So it is a skillset, it is a practice, right, we live in a cause and effect world.
- 7:44Erin Gray: So when we show up confidently, things shift because we're creating that shift.
- 7:49Erin Gray: You know, if I were to show up and I were to be like well, I think I can help you.
- 7:53Erin Gray: I kind of know money, I kind of have helped some people, right, that's not confident.
- 7:59Erin Gray: Confident is I am 100% capable of helping you, because I have done this my own self and I have helped hundreds of other people and I can help you too, and I have seen patterns and paradigm shifts with myself and other people and I know that I can help you transform your relationship with money, and I know I can help you.
- 8:20Erin Gray: You see the difference in the energetic space of like me, showing up confident, versus like I think I can, right, and so this is how, when we are showing up with ourselves and with our money, right.
- 8:33Erin Gray: So when you feel confident, think about how you show up differently.
- 8:38Erin Gray: Think about yourself with the end game in mind.
- 8:41Erin Gray: Right, someone who is confident in themselves with their money.
- 8:46Erin Gray: They show up weekly for their check-ins, right, they aren't avoiding their money.
- 8:51Erin Gray: When we are choosing priorities that are aligned with our values, when we are spending in alignment, not from fear.
- 8:59Erin Gray: You know, I recently read this amazing book called the Having by Su Yun Lee, and she talks about she calls it the red light, green light, which is so I love it.
- 9:10Erin Gray: So I always say is the decision coming from love or fear?
- 9:16Erin Gray: But she uses the term red light or green light.
- 9:17Erin Gray: You know, when we are spending or we are investing our money or whatever we're doing, is it coming from a green light of our soul and alignment that feels good to us, or which I say is love, or is it coming from a red light, where it's fear-based?
- 9:30Erin Gray: Where it's coming from should or have to or very lack mentality.
- 9:35Erin Gray: And the only way that we are able to know that is if we slow down and we ask ourselves.
- 9:39Erin Gray: So, letting your present actions reflect who you want to become right, acting from that end place.
- 9:50Erin Gray: Right, someone who is confident.
- 9:52Erin Gray: They make different decisions because they are confident.
- 9:56Erin Gray: So, like I said, trying on different affirmations, like I trust myself, to figure this out, I am highly resourceful.
- 10:05Erin Gray: I can handle any emotion and if I say those affirmations and they don't feel true to you, then you have to take the time to sit down to figure out what are the things that I want to start telling myself that I believe right now.
- 10:19Erin Gray: So, like I said before, if you, if I can handle any emotion doesn't feel true in your body, maybe it's I'm learning how to handle any emotion.
- 10:29Erin Gray: It you have to run it through your filter to make sure that it feels true in your body.
- 10:35Erin Gray: And I want to make this distinction that detachment does not mean you don't care.
- 10:42Erin Gray: Like detachment and surrender in my body feel very similar.
- 10:47Erin Gray: It doesn't mean I don't care.
- 10:48Erin Gray: It doesn't mean that I've given up.
- 10:50Erin Gray: It means that I am not allowing my emotions to be dependent on something outside of me and that I am letting go of like I'm doing the work and I trust that it's going to show up and happen whatever way it's supposed to happen.
- 11:08Erin Gray: Because when we are trying to control the, the end game we are.
- 11:14Erin Gray: That is not our job, right?
- 11:16Erin Gray: Our job is to be in the belief and showing up and doing our part.
- 11:22Erin Gray: God, if you believe in God, or creator source universe, that's that.
- 11:27Erin Gray: That's their job.
- 11:28Erin Gray: To bring it to us however it's supposed to, right.
- 11:32Erin Gray: And so I think that this really comes back to trusting ourselves, trusting in God, spirit source universe to deliver it however it is best for us.
- 11:44Erin Gray: You know, when we are attached, we think we know the best way to receive what it is we are wanting, right, and we don't.
- 11:51Erin Gray: That's not our job.
- 11:53Erin Gray: So, really starting to ask yourself am I coming from a place?
- 11:58Erin Gray: Am I showing up from a place of attachment or detachment?
- 12:01Erin Gray: Am I trusting?
- 12:04Erin Gray: Am I doing my part and then allowing God, spirit source universe to deliver it to me however way I want to?
- 12:11Erin Gray: So, to recap, first and foremost, when we feel like money is in the driver's seat, it is coming from, more often than not, a place of attachment, of not trusting, and attachment looks like very conditional thinking and feeling.
- 12:33Erin Gray: And so how do we get out of it?
- 12:36Erin Gray: We have to shift our identity.
- 12:37Erin Gray: We have to be constantly asking ourselves who is the woman that, who is the woman that, and really practicing being in that energy.
- 12:46Erin Gray: If you're tired of feeling overwhelmed or unsure or carrying this weight of money stress alone by yourself, I want you to know that I see you.
- 12:58Erin Gray: You deserve to have support that honors both your goals and how you feel in your body.
- 13:06Erin Gray: So in our Master your Money coaching session, together we're going to create a financial plan that feels grounding and it feels clear and aligned with you and who you are.
- 13:19Erin Gray: So often my clients after the first session it's almost like this exhale.
- 13:25Erin Gray: They say you know like I feel so much better because you have clarity, you aren't second guessing, you're not having these numbers just be in the ethers versus being really clear on where you are and where you're going to go.
- 13:41Erin Gray: And you don't have to do this alone.
- 13:42Erin Gray: You totally are capable of doing alone and I want to encourage you that it's a lot more fun and a lot of times it's a lot faster.
- 13:50Erin Gray: The transformations are faster when you get to do it with someone else, so we can do this together.
- 13:55Erin Gray: You just head over to my website, generatealifewelllivedcom and schedule your one hour session today.
- 14:02Erin Gray: You don't have to figure this out on your own anymore.
- 14:05Erin Gray: I would love to help and support you.
- 14:07Erin Gray: Okay, that's all I have for you today.
- 14:09Erin Gray: I'll see you in the next episode.
- 14:10Erin Gray: I would love it if you would leave a review for this podcast.
- 14:13Erin Gray: It helps the show grow and I love hearing from you.
- 14:16Erin Gray: And if this episode resonated with you and you have a business bestie who is also avoiding her money, will you share this episode with her?
- 14:24Erin Gray: My mission is to help more female entrepreneurs feel safe and empowered with their money.
- 14:30Erin Gray: Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.