Latest / Jess Ask / From Playa to Pastor: The M.A.D. Man | FT Geno Gardner | EP50

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From Playa to Pastor: The M.A.D. Man | FT Geno Gardner | EP50 · Jess Ask

0:07
Yo, it's your girl, Jessica as Smith, and you already know that
0:10
you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress, have fun and just ask
0:16
God for do you already know what it is? And then you know it's
0:20
about to get real, So be sure to show your girl the love and
0:25
like, come in subscribe God for another day. Hey, hey, I
0:32
know we could be another way. Yo, it's your girl, Jessica as
0:39
Smith, and I'm super excited about today. Listen, you have just entered
0:44
into the safe room just as the podcast, where we create a safe space
0:48
for influencers to decompress. Just let me start it over. Let's start What
0:54
was that? I think? I think I'm a little nervous because of the
0:58
guests today and I'm kind of excited because it's like a special special occasion right
1:03
now. So let me start over. Let me start off act like I've
1:06
been doing this then for a little bit. Okay, we're gonna just ask
1:10
the podcast where we create a safe space for influencers to decompress. Half fun
1:14
and just as girl, just Smith, and I'm super excited today. Before
1:19
I tell y'all, I'm excited. Desira Desert does a Ray, y'all super
1:30
special going on the situation. Situation y'all, I'm super excited. I want
1:41
to know just why is this so special for you? Did you? Did
1:45
you bring no tissue? We just just leave us a little blanket in the
1:49
front. Listen, I do, I do have my prophetic blank Listen today
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Shows of Mind. Alright. Then I watched it Okay to is our fiftyeth
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can't somebody say five zero T eight five zero T eight five zero t H
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episode fifty, y'all if you if you really understood the process to get to
2:22
fifty, because it was hard to start with the one. Okay, listen,
2:27
I'm proud of each in every episode, but I'm definitely proud. I
2:34
am super proud of just being able to be consistent, be able to be
2:43
not just consistent with y'all, but consistent with myself because it's been so many
2:46
times, and this is just a real moment, y'all. Know, I
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know, normally we just kind of like, but I was inconsistent with me
2:59
for a long time. Let's real talk about it for a long time.
3:04
And I'm trying not to cry because I said, I told Deseree. I
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was like, that's great. I might cry today, and that broke when
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I made a decision. And some people say, oh, it's just simple
3:19
to make decisions. No, this decision wasn't that easy because I knew I
3:23
had to show up, and not just only show up, but I had
3:25
to show up in front of people that may or may not like what I
3:30
had going on, that may or may not like or understood what I was
3:34
trying to go after. To be quite honest, Desiree, I didn't even
3:38
understand it. But I'm here in episode fifty. Come on. Shout out
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to g O D, shout out to Desiree. Thank you, y'all.
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And it's been a full year today that Desiree and I have been working together,
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y'all. So that's what this is, what help would do? I
3:53
feel my help coming on, y'allah. Yeah, I help him coming home.
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I got my mic, I got my hand on Mom of the Goodness,
4:10
put my hand on my helps of Jezus and all that he's done for
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me. Yeah, my soul. But I said that at the workhouse,
4:20
at the workplace, and I made him feel good on yesterday. So yeah,
4:25
we we're trying to tap out of that. But I want to say
4:27
before we get started on this episode. Thank you, Thank you for going
4:32
along this journey with me. Thank you for supporting the vision, the mission,
4:41
the safe space. Thank you for allowing me in your living room,
4:45
your car, your work. Shout out, I'm a shouto out of one
4:46
person. Dan Yelle. I see you, and I cannot wait to see
4:50
you thrive in your own creativity. I cannot wait to see you do what
4:56
you're supposed to do. I know that you're watching these because you faithfully listen
5:00
and you watch, and I appreciate you and what has been done for me
5:03
when you step out on faith, shall be done for you in Jesus name.
5:09
So it is so okay, y'all, y'all, So we're gonna get
5:13
out the self. We all get we're descparad We're gonna get out of seth
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all, Am I too loud? Am I too loud? She turned me
5:23
down right now. She's doing the producer work. Know what I'm doing over
5:27
here? Tell me what I know about you? Oh big that y'all.
5:31
Today for the fiftieth episode, because it was so special, I had to
5:38
bring somebody that was near and dear to my heart. It's actually I'm celebrating
5:44
a year with this this this man. Then, my people, it's been
5:48
a year. I'm gonna we're gonna tell this through in a minute. It's
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been a year. So y'all, I have none other. I gotta introduce
5:58
him my way. Okay, I'm gonna tell you accolades in a minute.
6:00
But I have none other than my leader, my pastor, my guidance.
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All right, Oh my shill partner, Oh the intelligent, the only,
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the anointed one, Geno Gaunner. Come on for my pastor. If y'all
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don't, I'm coming for the next I don't play about mine. If y'all
6:30
hear me, call him PG, that's what we call him in our in
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our community. But he's Geno Gardner, and I am super excited to have
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him. He is, like I said, he's my pastor. I don't
6:40
know about y'all, but he's mind. He's my pastor. He is finishing
6:45
up his degree or I feel make coming on strong. He graduating the thing.
6:55
And guess what he is new to the podcasting game. You got So
7:00
I had to have him on because we are not just celebrating us, So
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we're celebrating other podcasters, all the people that are stepping foot in the creative
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rim and I said, you know what, I'm like me, but I'm
7:11
gonna let you too, because guess what you got it like that. Wow,
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I'm so happy that you appreciate it. I'm you. I'm humble,
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thank you all the maccolades and stuff. But I feel like I didn't.
7:23
I ain't even listen to all, to be honest, So I mean,
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I don't. I don't think we have time for that. I don't think.
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I don't think we have time for that. And I'm just, you
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know, she in the room. I'm just I have another pastor who helpens
7:33
to be his good thing. And Ruin you know, said she ain't on
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camera as uncle said, y'all rememberoncle she said, when you will smell it
7:44
before you see Okay, she smelled like sex Phil Avenue. Okay, who
7:56
y'all y'all gonna get. So this is a warning. This is what I
8:01
don't know how to go go get. Lail might cry. He makes me
8:07
cry. But you were coming to a little bit juggler like in real life.
8:13
Yeah, yeah, situation that we've had got to come to the church
8:20
house to see them an get that they don't need to see that. Oh
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my god, Oh my goodness. So how you feeling today? PG?
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Thank you first, let me say that, you know what I mean.
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Thank you for having me on this on your beautiful space. Shout out to
8:37
Jessica S. Smith v Jessica S. Smith Man for allowing me on to
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her platform to speak freely to her audience that I'm graciously and humbly receiving.
8:50
Y'all. Thank y'all for allowing me to be on in DESI for working the
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ones and the twos on production. Man, y'all are some great women.
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I said it before. You know, Mary and Salomain, you know,
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and uh, the women at the tomb. Y'all make a lot of noise
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in a space where it's maybe controversial for women to have platforms and to be
9:11
expressive and to be creative and to be uniquely themselves. And so I shout
9:16
out you all in this generation for making noise, stirring up dust, kicking
9:18
people in the face and saying, yo, I'm gonna make I'm gonna make
9:22
noise about what I believe in and who I stand for. So thank you
9:24
for having me, Thank you for being great, and I'm excited to be
9:28
here. I'm excited for you to be here. I need to warn the
9:31
folks about some mills. So he gonna say some stuff that you're gonna have
9:33
to go research. Okay, I hope not, but I'm not gonna let
9:37
me tell you. You just say, somebody sala Ma. I don't know
9:39
who Salame is myself, Okay, okay, it's just the people that went
9:43
to the tomb. They did amazing women, three amazing women. What tell
9:48
to say the name against Salama? Salon Gessie, I don't know who that
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is either, you know, just just a warning you're gonna have to go
9:56
do some research after this conversations. And it's all good. It's all and
10:01
the good. So I really want to just go ahead and get into it
10:05
PG because I really they know me, they know me, but I want
10:11
them to know you. And why I have you on this platform because as
10:13
you can hear, he speaks so eloquently. He speaks a little eloquently.
10:18
You know, when the people with the research listen, y'all listen, I
10:28
would tell y'all he did. He did a whole presentation for resurrection Sunday.
10:35
Now I was, I was. I ain't gonna lie. I was out
10:37
my seat because I got all of it, Okay, but it was like
10:39
something I never seen before. He literally taught this thing. So when I
10:43
say I mean it from a pure place, you probably gonna have to do
10:46
some research. And so if if you need a press pause and go to
10:50
Google. I understand. Okay, I understand. So we're gonna talk about
10:56
this podcast. It's coming out, okay, and it's called Man the mad
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Man mad Man Podcast, and mad is an acronym for marriage apologetics and discipleship,
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Marriage apologetics and discipleship, and so we're gonna go in that order.
11:16
Oh did you feel your health there? I felt it. I'm a little
11:20
nervous, but I know it's needed. Major, I don't know, I
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don't know. That's not mine. I can sing it, but I can't.
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I can't tell you what it is. Okay, No, I'm being
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funny. It was a a clip on i G that's been going viral about
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this young preacher saying put me in be Major. That's you. But okay,
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So marriage apologetics disciple directly cultivated for men. And one of the things
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I'm going to go ahead and let you know is that I love the fact
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that you're doing something that might be desired but couldn't be put into words,
12:00
because I really see it, like being in this space, there are a
12:03
lot of there are a lot of opportunities, I mean not opportunities, but
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there are a lot of shows that cultivate the relationship aspect of a man,
12:16
the entrepreneur aspect of a man, the hard work aspect of the man.
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But I really sense that you're going to get to the heart of a man.
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So tell me about your vision, tell me about why you what made
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you? You know, bring this up because it's not just what they call
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it, what the streets call it a simp move, but it's like it's
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really like, hey, let's address some things and let's challenge each other,
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like we can be men and have integral compensations. So let's let's get into
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deeper that why this and why now? Yo? That's that's that's the million
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dollar question. It's a heart thrive of mine. My whole life has been
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I mean, I've been married to this beautiful bad woman of God for twenty
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one years, right, I've been in ministry for twenty two, right,
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and I've been saved for the same amount of time, about twenty two years.
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And when I got saved, I got disciples. I was about to
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say, let's we can't go over that story. We can't pass that store.
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So you got saved twenty two years ago, but you've been in ministry
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twenty two years. Was ministry your was ministry your place where you said,
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Hey, if I don't go into it, I'm gonna go back to that.
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Yeah, and what is that like, Let's let's get it. Yeah
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to your story. You hitting this thing now. See, Christian hip hop
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was my framework. I love hip hop. I did it all through high
13:39
school. I was secular artist and I recorded cassette tape shout out to the
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nineties hip hop. I recorded my first song in the studio when I was
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a senior in high school and from I did two recordings while in high school.
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Right. But when I got saved when I was nineteen, I said,
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your Lord, I need to I want to. I want to do
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this, but I need some help. And what helped me was a pastor
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that can see, has vision, sight beyond sited, like, yo,
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you can do Christian hip hop. This was in the early two thousands when
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it wasn't popular. He was like, Yo'm gonna let you do it in
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Korea. My pastor shut out to Pastor Williams then let me do Christian hip
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hop, and that frame of reference kept me connected to the faith a monks,
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having some solid young brothers around me that believed and were coming up as
14:20
well. So I had an anchor in Christian hip hop that kept me coming
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back because he's gonna let me use my gift now used in the world.
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And then I had brothers that was like a guide. So that was like
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my anchoring piece man, because Christian hip hop was everything to me. Hip
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hop was everything to me. I went on prom it was Biggie Park and
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Kurt Franklin, Wo Tang, Master P and Fred Hammond. That's how my
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cassette tape was set up on prom. I grew up in the church,
14:50
but hip hop, yeah, baby, And I'm wrong with it because of
14:54
the art. Yes, it's an art right, and it's some of the
14:58
things about the artists kind of like huh, let me let me, let
15:03
me, let me ask a question about artist n But at the end of
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the day, you know that's where we were lying. But I want to
15:09
I want to ask you a question because I know people are like, Okay,
15:13
especially with you being a pastor, but you my pastor, and I
15:16
know how how transparent you've been with us regarding your store, and I would
15:20
love for my viewers to hear some of that. So you went, you
15:24
said, that's that that particular thing kept. You can maintain your decision,
15:28
right, yes, But where were you before that decision was made? Like,
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what were you doing? How did you get there? Because you ain't
15:35
been a pastor A no, indeed, no, I haven't. And I'm
15:39
gonna tell you. I was doing stuff in elementary school, middle school for
15:43
y'all, junior high school for the Midwest, and Chicago was junior high.
15:46
Was in middle school. But I was doing stuff then that people was doing
15:50
college. So I lived a fast life. I mean, I lost my
15:54
virginity in the eighth grade, so I was sexual activity in the eighth grade.
16:00
Smoking weed in the eighth grade. You know, I started smoking weed
16:03
in that was the first time I smoked, started hanging out with dudes and
16:06
gang I never got joined and got blessed in, but I was hanging out
16:08
with a lot of gang bangers. You know, we were just just chilling,
16:11
smoking weed, hanging out of some of my best friends was Gd's and
16:15
Black Stones, right, and I just came up, went through high school
16:18
like high school was like college for me. You feel me. I was
16:21
a freshman in high school engaging in weed, alcohol and sex partying like we
16:26
every weekend we was going to a house party. So the street, baby,
16:30
we were. And the thing about it was, I wasn't okay,
16:33
y'all gonna laugh. I wasn't a bad I were bad, but I wouldn't
16:37
you understand, So I wasn't this thug dude. But I love what I
16:44
love, baby, you understand me. I love what I love. What
16:48
I love what I love. And I was a good little liquor little weed.
16:53
Ma Marria Jawannas and Marya Jane and these women. I love those that
17:00
combination in that order. And you know, the unique thing, Jess,
17:03
was that my mother kept me in church, and you know what impacted my
17:07
life. And I might be jumping, but baby, when we went to
17:10
summer camp with the church called Centrifuge, that's what it was called, and
17:15
I had a breakthrough that I didn't know what it was all about, but
17:18
that moment I knew that it was more than me. But I never changed,
17:22
but I knew at that moment, there's something different about me. So,
17:26
yes, my past was fast. I was a little fast. You
17:30
know you fast till I was fast, But I don't regret it. I
17:36
used to get drunk. Man. I would bring malibu and pineapple juice and
17:38
put it in my walllocker and you know, me and the girls. Yeah,
17:41
I had it in my walllocker and me and the girls. I tell
17:44
like, some of the girls said, y'all got some mallieboy, if you
17:45
want to drink. You know what I'm saying. So I'm in the hallway.
17:48
No, it was high school freshman in eighth grade. Boughton. No,
17:52
I w wasn't Boughton in eighth grade. Now, I started that in
17:53
high school. See, I talked about it in high school. You won't
17:59
light ice, baby. I bought a water bottle pineapple juice, Malibu,
18:03
right, and we would drink and by third period, I mean I was
18:07
nobody you feel me. I mean I graduated high school, thank God,
18:11
with a two point five. I'm grateful for that, honored by God.
18:15
Because I was really sketchy. I skipped school a lot. I never I
18:21
got in school suspension one time for truancy. So I wasn't mad, but
18:29
I was a litt You tested the water, I tested them. You understand
18:33
me. And so I'm very passionate about making decisions. I'm passionate about community
18:38
in circles that because that's what my my lane of influence came. It's so
18:44
beautiful how you even bring it up, because me and my foes was we
18:48
pray every morning, every Saturday morning, and that was the topic that came
18:55
just you just gradually just came up, just uniquely came up, and we
19:00
prayed about that. And something that I'm realizing, I love, I love
19:03
how God is connecting this right now. Something that I realized is that what
19:07
was used in a in a decision where we weren't put in God first,
19:11
or where we didn't see do live for Christ right it's the same type of
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tenacity and the same type of need that's needed, but using different tools.
19:22
And so it's the same person, it's the same thing. It's the same
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gift, but the different tools. And what you're saying, like even now,
19:30
and I'm trying not to. I'm not trying to tell your story because
19:33
I feel like I be on the phone with them, you know ours at
19:37
bit y'all for ours and ours? What's that all in ours? Oh?
19:44
Ours? She says, shrimp and LOFs of towles. That's about listen.
19:51
So we were so let me say it like this, so we're I'm not
19:55
trying to get too biblical, but I know this is the lane that you
19:56
understand my question. And so, Paul was one saw right and in your
20:03
sauld season right, it seemed like you were a community builder, but you
20:08
were building community centered around we alcohol in six Absolutely, now you're building community
20:18
out of feeling a blank man. Marriage apologis and disciples shield and so what
20:26
keeps you driven to maintain that m That's such a good question, man.
20:33
I wow, Man, you know what I was when I cried in Korea.
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Nobody here saw that cry, right, Nobody in this room saw that
20:45
cry. My wife ain't ever see that cry. But that cry was a
20:48
cry desperation, like if I don't do to get it right this time,
20:51
I'm gone right. And that cry opened me up to a whole new opportunity
20:56
in God, man, that I knew I had to commit. It was
21:00
like at nineteen years old, what nineteen year old talking about? I'm sold
21:06
out. I'm at every Bible study, every sun, every time the doors
21:11
open, I was there and it was that crime. Man, it was
21:14
my heart that knew at that moment, everything your mama vested in you,
21:18
your little fast tail, little sucker, everything she prayed about, it's now
21:22
bore down in this. And when I got to Korea and realized that cry
21:26
was of desperation, like I was gonna make some dumb decisions in Korea already,
21:30
I just felt like I was because I was going there, like I'm
21:33
gonna turn up. I ain't gonna even lie. I was ready. I
21:36
was like, I'm finna turn is that yep? Well, and that's why
21:40
I picked Korea. Shot somebody shot, hallelujah. It's the transparency. I
21:48
picked Korea, look, because that's exactly what I was gonna be. Because
21:52
absolutely I was ready to got up because my partners knew some people that joined
21:56
the military proud of me. I was like, if you go to Korea
21:57
and you do this that and the third sold you drink that, mix it
22:00
with this da da dada, that's gonna have you lit turn all this other
22:03
Stuff're gonna be out the in the club. I said, Man, I
22:04
can't wait. Maybe I can't wait. Maybe I get out there. Maybe
22:08
it did like this, that thing just just went from bottom to like this
22:14
like and I'm like, yo, what is it? And that's where the
22:17
cris came because I was wrestling with my humanity. My humanity wanted something so
22:22
bad that my spirit would not let me go. It wouldn't let me have
22:27
it. And I wrest when I cried, and that was agonizing, like
22:30
Christ's in gath Semite, Like it was an agonizing tears to sweat became blood,
22:37
you know what I mean? It turned into agony, right, and
22:41
it was like, yo, what is it? Nineteen year olds? I
22:44
ain't had language. That's why I'm so That's why apologetics in discipleshits so passionate.
22:48
I didn't have language, but I had a community of brothers. I
22:51
was like, I'm here to cover you. Let's go brother Them brothers didn't
22:53
have to say a word to me. They were just that embrace me.
22:56
Yeah, but they discipled my behind. They kept me, Hey we're going
22:59
to church where you act? Hey? Hey, what time you get off?
23:02
Were these people in the military. They're all in the army, my
23:04
friends to this day. Shout out to Jonathan Smith David Smith, John brim
23:10
and Sterling Coleman. Shout out them four brothers. All of them retired except
23:14
for one twelve. The other three retired. I talked to these dudes to
23:18
this day. They've sold into our ministry. They sold into all my ministries.
23:22
They discipled me, and now they call me like, geeke, what
23:26
you think about this? Almost like a Joseph Yeah, when he do the
23:33
armed thing. Y'all, y'all be careful. Now if I passed out on
23:37
the side of this floor, just know I got two people my arm.
23:41
That good, very good, especially especially the P and the c's. That's
23:49
Pastor Karee Gaunum. Shout out, y'all, gonna see her. She's gonna
23:52
be on the show. We just we await. When I'm scared, let's
23:56
not even go in there. Let's let's get out of there. But so
24:02
what you just said gave me a visual of the story. And you know,
24:06
I'm still working on my Bible, so he'll I don't know nobody name,
24:11
yeah, uh huh, I don't know nobody name PG. Okay,
24:15
but I do know. And it's the beautiful thing because I learned this in
24:18
a child, a children's book. Come on the children's books. Let your
24:23
children read the book that got the colors and stuff, and it might not
24:29
say the full story, but it gives you the concept. Okay. So
24:33
I remember reading this first and the children's book, and it was a story
24:37
about when the friends, the four friends took them their the paralyzed uh huh,
24:47
and they put them through the roof. That's what your story just reminded
24:49
me of. And they laid him before Jesus spoken to him. So I
24:53
can't do this with you. I can't. It just came on so effortlessly,
24:59
but they literally lay him in front of Jesus and he was they made
25:03
Jesus made a decision to heal him on their behalfs. And so now literally
25:10
they calling you because for one they just wanted to be still be connected to
25:14
the proof and evidence that telling people about Jesus and community works. Basically,
25:21
being a mad man works works works. Being a man that looks at marriage
25:26
in a way of God, being apologetic about it, and then being being
25:30
a disciple like it works. That's what they did with you, and you
25:33
literally are the evidence that trying people and not giving up on people actually words.
25:41
That's why I really liked you like I really loved you. I love
25:44
you to know I'm not a frame of reference. I was, Oh,
25:51
I'm just I look back over my saying, I look look back over my
25:55
life. And I said, Lord, you were with me the whole time.
25:57
And you know what, brothers man. One brother called me John Man.
26:02
He was like, gee, I really look up to you, I
26:03
said, John, be quiet, I said, bro, you you're the
26:07
reason why I'm here. M h. I couldn't even spell tithe the right
26:11
way. That's how bad I was. I ain't. I ain't read my
26:15
Bible, I said, Man, I said John. I was like,
26:17
how much I need to pay? Again? How much? He says?
26:18
Ten? Ten percent? I said, And I said, oh my,
26:22
I spelled a t I d e s my tides roll tiede roll baby,
26:29
I ain't even know. And you know what he did to me? Let
26:33
me sure how humble this dude was. He didn't bust me because with the
26:37
fellas around, I said, times, how much is my tithes t I
26:41
d e s? He said. He rode in the saying my gun and
26:48
was quiet. When you got a real friend, Yeah, it's about covering,
26:52
not exposure, and you have to cover them. God, if it
26:59
was that big a deal, God would have exposed me. You ain't spelling
27:02
tithes right up in him, get your life. That brother pulled me to
27:06
the side and crossed it out and spelled it the right way. And from
27:10
that point where I knew how to spell tithe right, I wasn't reading my
27:12
Bible. There was a moment. It was a moment. I love what
27:19
you just exposed. I love what you just exposed. I I'm sitting here
27:26
thinking about I'm trying to frame how to put this, y'all. I'm gonna
27:33
be transparent with y'all. We got some visitors that I can hear. I
27:36
can just I can just hear it. Obviously, So I got ADHD.
27:44
I got But what I heard you just say was an answer to basically,
27:53
what's the difference between the culture that you left and the culture that you entered?
27:57
So even like like you know, I mean you in hip hop,
28:02
so you know how even J Cole and Kendrin l Mark going back and forth
28:06
right now, I just listened to J Cole. It's kind of it kind
28:10
of goes through anyway. I'm not promote it. They ain't promoted. But
28:15
the lyrics here, you know. So, but even in a state where
28:23
you go from an art that encourages you to embarrass out loud, right,
28:30
but that covering not only protected you but projected you forward. And so,
28:40
but why in the means, because I'm not a man, why is it
28:45
so hard to do the covering of your fellow brother or a man versus the
28:51
you know, the exposure? Why is that covering? Man? It takes
28:56
a heart posture right to cover somebody, right, Because what happens is your
29:00
humanity is trapped in what you've experienced. And when your humanity becomes trapped in
29:06
what you've experienced in life, you begin to frame this worldview that says that
29:11
you're no better than me, I'm no better than you, or nobody helped
29:15
me, I'm not going to help you, or we all gonna bleed and
29:19
die together. You can create all these different narratives based on your worldview,
29:25
and you become trapped. And so if a man becomes trapped or a woman
29:30
becomes trapped, they're not so easy and so sympathetic and passionate about you know,
29:34
no one was there to help me, like my thing was Christ was
29:38
there for me. You feel me but some people don't want to reverence like
29:42
some people are like, Yo, I had no friends. You'll stop wallowing
29:45
in that I had nobody call me. While we're still talking about nobody called
29:48
you. You're here today. And so when people get their heart posture to
29:52
the point where they can believe, like, yo, I'm here because of
29:56
him, no other man, God sent angels, Thank God for all of
30:00
them. But at the point where you're a heart posture, it's conditioned to
30:03
say, you know what, he did it for me, I'm gonna do
30:06
it for you. Bottom line, man, I like, I'm not finna
30:10
be bitter at my dad for the rest of my life. At some point
30:15
my heart gotta be conditioned to the point while I say, you know what,
30:18
he didn't do this, So what I'm gonna do this? Yeah,
30:22
I'm gonna help this. You made a decision, made a decision to do
30:26
it. What's up with that? People don't know, Yo, At some
30:29
point got you gotta be a man to become a man. But come on
30:33
and listen, Look, well, how long are we gonna live here?
30:36
How long we're gonna stay here? How long before the eviction I wanted to
30:38
give me up out of here, I don't need that soul. Yes,
30:41
in essence, man, to cover someone is a heart posture. It's a
30:45
sympathetic it's an empathy. I've been in your shoes, man, I know
30:51
what it feel like. You feel what I'm saying. I know what it
30:52
feel like to be broken. I know it they feel like to be cussed
30:55
out. I know what it feel like to be rejected. Come here,
30:56
let me show you something. I know what it feels like to be the
30:59
laughing stock of the school because you couldn't spell. I know what it feels
31:02
like when you can't read. I know it feels like when you barely made
31:04
it through high school. I know what it feels like to get jumped on
31:07
and bullied. Those are people that when they find Christ, they find their
31:11
heart, their heart against the men, and then they can minister to people
31:15
versus you, sorry, son of a gun. You. And that's pride.
31:19
That's ego. That's selfish, and it's driven from the pit of hell.
31:23
It's not God's heart. It's driven to pull people into a pride moment,
31:29
say I'm better than you. Look at you, you thought ya da
31:33
da listen, if it had not been for the Lord, it's my posture.
31:36
People give you all the accolade. Thank you for your accolades too.
31:37
I do receive them humbly. I do, I really do. But I
31:41
just know I know where I've come from. I do. Man. This
31:44
master's degree, baby, it's who I wouldn't even trying to get a degree
31:48
when I joined the military. I'm just trying to get away from Chicago.
31:49
I ain't gonna even hold you. Listen, get me out the city,
31:52
baby, I ain't. I don't need no degree. Who care what?
31:57
Pay me a check and get me out of Chicago. That's all I wanted.
32:01
Not look at us when I look at us, married for twenty two
32:05
years, beautiful with a beautiful family, beautiful and a thriving ministry, and
32:13
so thank you. So I'm curious and no, no, no, this,
32:21
I really want this message to be about man, because the thing is
32:23
that we don't ever talk about the man and the women are created to be
32:30
the help me. Right. If I don't know you and I don't know
32:35
your heart, I don't know what help. And so I've been like one
32:38
of the questions I've had for you. You've been married for twenty two years,
32:43
so you went from being a thought from a thought to a married man
32:49
and she over there laughing. Yeah, but we just keep it real.
32:54
And I know they probably like you talking to your panther like that, like
32:57
I was. I was, though, and you know I'm not. Why
33:01
would I it was the true story. If it was a lie, you
33:06
would rebuke me, he said, he said that he was in these streets.
33:15
It was not me. I'm just telling you in Layman's term, and
33:17
enjoyed it too, enjoyed it, but I'm not. And the problem with
33:24
humanity and preachers and teachers and evangelists, they don't want to be honest with
33:29
themselves and be truth with their audience and say, yo, I was there
33:32
and I enjoyed it, but I knew that there was a better way PG.
33:36
I was there, and I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed it.
33:39
Is never told Oh no, no, you know why because it disconnects me
33:45
from being spiritual, disconnects me. It devalues my spirituality and my position in
33:52
the church and in God. It makes me look like I'm not sufficient to
33:55
be in the office of the whole. Where it's really the antithesis, it's
33:59
the other way around. It's really the thing that bade me for the position.
34:05
You understand me. Why would Paul kill Christians and then be the one
34:07
of the leading apostles in the early Church? It made him. He was
34:12
a reason for that. He was up to debating with the same people that
34:15
he was on team with. Then he comes around and gets Christianity. Now
34:20
he debates against those people. Come on, it was once on the same
34:22
team. Yeah, it's a reason for it. Yeah, man, that
34:29
that is so good marriage. Marriage. So he was in the streets.
34:36
Now you're married, happily married like you you happy like I love my marriage.
34:39
Okay, I'm for real. You ain't gotta tell me, you ain't
34:44
gotta go, And I'm not putting on you not know. I would tell
34:49
you. I would, I would tell y'all that he was lying. We
34:51
wouldn't even be talking about this. I don't even y'all know fool this.
34:53
So you went from that man to this man, like but you were really
34:59
young, and so I I guess for the men, even for the people
35:01
you can eat because this could be an answer for general. But if we're
35:04
specifically talking to the man, the man that has to live well beyond nineteen
35:10
twenty years old, that has not made a decision. It's still living a
35:15
single life. It's still outside. You know what I'm saying, what do
35:17
you think that man is afraid of and that may want to actually desire what
35:25
you have? What does that man now in this day and age? Because
35:30
the times are different the time because you ain't have Instagram, Facebook, top
35:36
TikTok, you ain't have none of that is what do you What message do
35:42
you have for that man that desires that commitment but struggles with what he has
35:46
to leave behind? That right, there is hard, man, I know
35:52
what it is, but it's hard that man. He doesn't want to let
36:00
go because he feels like he's gonna be missing something, right, that's what
36:06
he feels like. He feel like if we let it go, he gonna
36:08
he ain't gonna have fun. So Christianity don't look fun. Being saved don't
36:15
look fun. Being committed ain't fun. And this is what I'm saying that
36:19
they think I'm not saying that it's not true. So when I let go
36:23
of what I love that brought me pleasure emotionally, physically, whatever, when
36:30
I get saved, I gotta give all that up. Right. The problem
36:34
is this, it's engineering that's the problem. How is your brain, your
36:37
heart, your body engineered. It's engineered from a frame of reference in a
36:42
worldview that's taught you that those are the things that you need to be happy.
36:46
Wait okay, wait you just said you just said that. I felt
36:54
that. But the mind has been trained mm hm to need those things almost
37:06
like a drug aiding. It's an addiction. And TikTok, you're watching video
37:12
enough of it, enough terking videos would tell this man that this is the
37:17
woman, the type of woman, because of its popularity, because of it's
37:22
seen, because it's the most known thing, same sex relationships, and you
37:28
know, drug use and elicit parties and all these things. If it's given
37:32
to me enough, presented to the eye, the ear, the eyes and
37:37
the ears the gates, then it makes the body begin to be conditioned to
37:42
think, this is what I need and it becomes a desire and now I
37:49
want this and if I ain't got this, I'm not fulfilled and I'm not
37:52
happy. And the real the realization of it, it's all a trap.
37:58
It's all a trap because people haven't been taught what it is to really love
38:02
and to really have a committed relationship and the beauty and the joy of having
38:07
one person that you committed to and a family that you build, and the
38:13
blessings that you get from obedience. People don't learn that stuff. They learn
38:17
what's in their face the most, and what's in their face the most for
38:21
this generation is social media. It's in their face YouTube. Social media is
38:27
one of the most profound teachers for this generation and this culture. Profound in
38:30
the sense that it enlightens them to believe that it's the way to be.
38:36
It's not a profound statement in the sense of that it's transformative. It's it's
38:38
just one of those things that makes it very pleased or very plausible to believe
38:45
that it's the right way to be, and it's not the case. So
38:49
I'm about to, uh, I feel myself by the cray because I'm going
38:52
to ask you a question. Yeah, that's what I need my pastor Lord,
39:00
look, I need my fast right. I'm gonna let them see this
39:04
because this this has been probably the second or third day that I've addressed the
39:09
conversation regarding marriage or you know, singleness and stuff like that, and so
39:15
we're gonna do it from a male perspective. We brought up sex because I
39:19
mean, we can't. It's not it's something that's what sales. They say
39:22
sex sells, right, If it ain't sexy, it's not coming out,
39:24
you know what I'm saying. And so the abstinence the because it's not selling.
39:35
See because those that want to want to have sex, you don't want
39:37
to be selling. The word is abstinate. Okay, just but I used
39:40
to be like, I want to be selling. No I don't. I
39:43
don't, not all my life. No, No, I want it.
39:49
I want it. That's what I want. I'm making it clear. Yeah.
39:54
So with that being said, it's standings from from my position. I'm
40:00
a single, thirty two year old woman, right and I'm just gonna be
40:02
transplanted along. I'm like, oh, so like that that part is always
40:12
a problem. It's like, uh oh lord Jesus, you got me.
40:17
Okay, So y'all love my Melson so much. So it's I'm good enough,
40:24
I'm smart, I'm smart enough or whatever, and it's like, Okay,
40:30
I'm trying to see what what shes doing, you know what I'm saying.
40:32
And it's like, but what when I'm posturing myself to, you know,
40:38
fight for what I believe that God has wanted me to do now and
40:44
then it's like, but I need that, though, what what does it
40:50
look like for I guess for the encouragement of men to be with withstand you
40:54
know what I'm saying, so that it won't be that I guess necessarily comfort
41:00
because I understand it's a flesh thing or whatever. But in moment, I'm
41:02
like, if I'm not giving it up, it's not gonna happen. If
41:07
I'm being honest, like I'm just, I'm just if I'm not giving it
41:09
up, if I'm not giving you the full package. If I'm not,
41:13
it's My auntie told me this one time. She's like, I tried my
41:15
shoes before I buy them. I'm not gonna say what she said, but
41:23
she she told me. She told me this in high school. My God,
41:31
we have like we have a real conversation and that has stuck with me.
41:37
I gotta treaty she happened. She she is married to my uncle,
41:42
like she married into the family. But she's been laughing around so long.
41:45
She said, trying my shoe. Boy. See, I'm sorry. I
41:53
had to get out of cause y'all okay. So I am blessed to help
42:06
pastor that I can do this week? Yeah? Who everybody? Yeah?
42:12
Yeah, trying on before you buy? How many do we try before we
42:15
buy? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a
42:19
tip hop? You know? And so and in that effort, you're gonna
42:24
find a lot of things about you. You're gonna find a lot about yourself
42:29
when you're trying many, many different things. Right, I had I had
42:34
a girlfriend, yeah, growing up. Yeah, I did have one wife
42:37
though. And as much as pornography and illicit sexual activities, drug use is
42:45
still available to me, hm hmm. I don't partake right, did it
42:52
come overnight? Absolutely did not. But what I've come to realize is that
42:57
when one makes that sole commitment, right, it's a heart, it's an
43:00
entrapment. Whether it be for the God, for the Gospel's sake, or
43:05
whether it be for your sake, it's an entrapment like and and now I'm
43:07
I'm trapped for the Kingdom of God, thank God. But it's when a
43:13
man a woman is her best self, when that man learns how to commit.
43:17
The best woman you'll find in your life is when a man is committed.
43:22
That's that's real unorthodox, Yo, so the best. This woman is
43:27
dope already, but she's just waiting for a commit She wanta committed. Man.
43:31
That man that's gonna love it not only be fine, he ain't even
43:35
gotta be fine. If that brother can dress, not talk good, take
43:37
care of me, and I trust it. I feel safe. I trust
43:43
him. Baby. That's what I need in my life. I need somebody,
43:47
you know, it's more than understanding. I need somebody that's gonna be
43:51
able to be able to be that whole framework, that whole godly and spiritual
43:57
leader in my house. And it's not the the woman. It's some amazing
44:01
women out there. But it wasn't until I told God that. I said,
44:07
Lord, I ain't messing with these women no more. That's what I
44:08
told God. I was nineteen, y'all. I'm gonna be real. I
44:10
was in the barracks in Ford Hood, Texas, and I said, Lord,
44:14
I'm through with dancing with all these women. I'm through with it.
44:15
That's what I brought you to, just being so entangled with managing multiple emotions.
44:22
I was sick of that, you know, trying to be a player.
44:25
Got a girl here in Texas, a girl and all that going on.
44:29
Managing different emotions, managing the strain of trying to please you. You
44:32
one personality type you, another this, that, and the third we're kicking
44:37
against. And then I'm like, yo. God had to say, Yo,
44:38
why long are you gonna? Like almost? He said, like,
44:40
Paul, how long are you going to kick against the pricks? You know
44:44
what your calling is, you know what you've been taught. And what brought
44:46
me to that point which frustration, Like I didn't I got tired of just
44:51
being this person that I knew I wasn't designed to be. And like I
44:54
knew what my car at that point, I knew because I was in Texas.
44:58
I left Korea already had that this transformation experience. Then I get to
45:01
Texas and I want to play that same stuff. I want to go back,
45:07
And God got my heart. Hold up, you just said something powerful.
45:10
You said that you left the States, you thidned the States, you
45:15
went to Korea, you weren't finding as much committed yourself transformed. This is
45:22
so good. You transformed this eyelash you're trying to trip though. You transformed,
45:27
You went through transformation, and then you came back to the tempted place,
45:34
to the tempted place, the land of familiar, the land of familiar.
45:38
And you you sound like you dabbled. I did. You dabbled so
45:45
emotionally. I didn't do much physical, but it was like right there on
45:49
the edge. Ye get into this. Yeah, so you caught you was
45:52
able to catch yourself before. Okay, how like, give me some practical
45:59
steps, like what is that? Looked like we're catching yourself and saying,
46:00
hey, I'm about to go on the deep in? Let me really back
46:05
in. Hey God, if you, as Coachy tells her testimony, she
46:08
says, God, I'm gonna mess up your ministry if we if you want
46:13
give me this man like I need to be married, okay, like I
46:17
don't want to be a kill woman. That's what she told the folks.
46:22
She said, Hey, God, if you don't want this to be messed
46:24
up, you gotta come on, come on, come on. So was
46:28
what was your speaking with the Lord or your decisionation making process? I remember,
46:36
I remember, I remembered what happened to me in Korea. That wasn't
46:40
a fake thing, That transformation wasn't fake. It was all real. I
46:45
remember them folks tearing me at the altar for the Holy Ghost. I remember
46:50
not being raised in the church that didn't believe in that speaking in tongues,
46:53
but I go to Korea now I'm speaking in tongues. I remember how Brim,
46:59
Jonathan Brim, Jonathan Smith, David and Sterling stook by my side when
47:02
I was trying to learn the Bible, when I was trying to read it
47:06
the right way and understand it. I remember those Bible studies, and I
47:08
remember Pastor Williams allowing me to utilize my gift when I felt like everybody didn't
47:14
understand and rejected me. When I remembered, it was like, never kneze
47:19
her coming to himself. Somebody Else'll got to research. If y'all don't know
47:27
King never Caniza, they said. The Bible says when he came to himself,
47:30
all things were restored back to him. When he came to his scripture
47:36
to say, y'all go search me out please. What does that statement mean?
47:38
That means that when he remembered, when he remembered, he recalled who
47:43
he really is and not who he was. He remembered the words that that
47:49
was prophesied never Caniza that were given to him about how God was gonna take
47:52
it all if he didn't get right, and he came to himself, and
47:58
the Bible says everything his prince, his kingdom, everything was restored back to
48:02
him. And I felt like I remembered in that moment, like yo,
48:05
gee, you're gonna just forget how them folks was fighting for you in Korea.
48:08
Or you just gonna forget how them folks stayed up all night praying with
48:12
you, teaching you to work, or you just gonna forget how they loved
48:15
on you and gave you what you wasn't getting in Chicago, or we're just
48:17
gonna forget that. I remembered. And when I remembered, I went to
48:23
war. I couldn't do it, man, I couldn't do it. It's
48:28
like it was like God, just like yeah, right in the gut,
48:30
and like, oh, I remember who in my calling stood up? Man?
48:36
And I stopped having conversations with some of these and I met her.
48:38
Man. It was weird how we connected, but we can. We can
48:44
get in today because it's part of your part, part of the stories.
48:46
Yeah, it's part of your story. So you youre you met your good
48:52
thing. And she was I think she was in the back cooking or something
48:54
like that. She was making. She was making. She live in the
48:58
same down and facillity worked in and she saw me first and I didn't.
49:01
I didn't see her. And so she saw me. She like like she
49:13
liked what she saw. And you know, she inquired further because because the
49:19
place was something there, something that was there. Yeah, something was there.
49:27
Something was there. And uh, just listening to you desilate what she's
49:30
just saying. What she just saying, I said, I'm lying or something
49:34
like that. She she saw I didn't even see her a different account.
49:38
She has a different and that's interesting, you know, And and it's very
49:42
good, very good advantage when we learned that Sunday that you know, various
49:45
multiple accounts doesn't mean it is wrong. It actually proves apological about the merriage.
49:52
God was discipling the merit. But that was one of them things.
49:55
Man, when I when we got together, but I let the women go.
50:00
I let it go. I let those conversations go. I was talking
50:04
to this girl. She knew. She said, you found somebody else,
50:06
didn't you. It just got different and it was girls. There was a
50:08
couple of girls trying to holleright me and everything. Man, But I had
50:10
told me. Were you honest with them? Yeah? I was. I
50:13
was like, I had already told God. I said, I'm trying to
50:15
get right with God, like straight up, and she'll tell you. When
50:17
me and her first started talking, my first thing, I was like,
50:21
how committed are you to God? Real talk? That's what I because I
50:23
had already went to God. And I always like, yo, I'm not
50:27
going back to that. I said, the next woman you send in my
50:29
life got to be my wife. I'm not fooling with these little chicken heads.
50:32
So I'm going to this process. I'm not going through. I'm not
50:36
going through that again. And that's what I was like. I was really
50:37
in despair because I wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted it.
50:42
I did, but I was like, I'm not going through that same I
50:45
didn't go through Korea to go back to this stuff. Let me ask you
50:49
this, what was what was missing in you for you to go be outside
50:52
like that? Like? And then you was like okay, because there's a
50:55
line of different person's like hey, lord, the next the next woman,
50:59
I mean, the next person I meet, the next person I deal with,
51:01
it got to be the one because if adult I'm probably gonna thought,
51:05
again, that's what that's what you're not saying. They were dance. They
51:08
were dance. They didn't have the balance that I wanted. They didn't have
51:12
the they didn't have the world they didn't have the world view I had.
51:15
They didn't have the well roundedness that I needed. Like with with with Kareem,
51:20
I she laughed at all my jokes like I wanted that. These other
51:24
girls they weren't laughing like that. I said, Okay, that sounds I'm
51:29
about to say because that sounds, but okay, so so for a woman
51:32
that's trying to you gotta make it. Somebody told me I was I was
51:38
talking to this guy whatever and he liked to buy my spiritual father right.
51:43
And he told me. I was like, all he want to do is
51:45
play games on the phone. All he want to do is they're like a
51:49
little daily song. You know what I'm saying. And he was he was
51:52
like, I said, he always want to beat me. He don't ever
51:53
let me win. He was like, well, sometimes you need to let
51:55
him win or whatever, help his ego. I'm sick of helping you.
52:00
You you don't let me? What about me? I want to win sometime
52:02
there you go. So because of that, I couldn't connect with them women.
52:07
So you telling me I ain't gonna get me. We ain't said all
52:10
that. Look at you didn't jumped over the fence. Right wild on the
52:15
other side, so right wild on other side on this side. I wanted
52:20
somebody that can love me for me, my whole self, my whole self.
52:24
And I love Eddie Murphy, I love comed I loved it, man.
52:29
And when I used to do my little jokes, but she'd be dying
52:32
like you, like I was just like a stand up comedian, like laughter,
52:36
and I'm like, yo, this is okay, that's a good And
52:38
she was already pretty, she was already fine. So I'm like, okay,
52:42
she's cute, fine, okay. And you know, it really really
52:45
attracted me to her, the fact that she was from the South. You
52:47
know, I'm meaning the Chicago girls, Southern woman. I ain't know nothing
52:52
about it. Though I ain't nothing about it being from Chicago. I had
52:53
never seen, really in the relation with no girl from the South. So
52:57
meeting her was like yo. Accent was like yo, okay, shoot.
53:01
But she was so different, she was so humble like them girls up north.
53:06
Was just like real fast and real want what they want, to buy
53:08
them everything, and then you know if you don't buy them and they don't
53:10
want to be with you. Kind of before y'all come for him, because
53:13
I don't play about this one. He's saying that, y'all from North you
53:16
know what I'm saying. He's saying that what he is, what I experienced
53:21
exactly. Don't try all of them one like that because my sister, look
53:24
at God, he's a wonder. My sister wasn't like that. She from
53:28
the set. She wasn't like that. All women are not, thank you,
53:30
Jess. But what he experienced, that's what it was. So keep
53:34
on because you know how we can get. We can get, that's right.
53:37
Don't we be tripping sometimes? Like he said, he did not say
53:39
that. Try it again anyway, go ahead, I don't play my mind.
53:44
I look at God. Look she so she laughed, she was she
53:49
was beautiful. And then I told her I'm ready on the search for God.
53:52
I'm like, I'm like, if you're not really serious about God,
53:53
I don't want to take this any further, right, And she was like,
53:58
oh no, I'm serious. I go to church. I'm thinking of
54:00
myself. Okay, go to church. Okay, right, so we went
54:04
to church. Our first day was a church service. Right that That right
54:07
there did something for me because she showed a serious pursuit. But then she
54:10
followed up with it with action. And I think the biggest thing is that
54:14
we wanted people to be like, like, your words got to marry your
54:15
actions. You feel what I'm saying. I don't want you just saying all
54:19
this game and then you can't fulfill nothing like that's that's a relationship. You'll
54:22
find the void. There a lot of word service, but no action,
54:25
no no follow through, and that can be a discouraging mechanism. For her,
54:30
it was very encouraging to see not only is she laughed at all my
54:31
jokes. She was down to earth. I love the accent she was finding
54:35
pretty. But she also followed up with action and then she also, this
54:38
is the thing that the biggest piece of it right here is independent in her
54:42
faith. She was willing to find her faith independent of me. She didn't
54:47
need me to be saved. Is that not dangerous? It's extremely because it
54:53
doesn't it turn the other person into a god. So if I'm in a
54:58
situation we're talking about I don't know how we I guess this is where we
55:01
needed to go. You know what I'm saying. So I'm single, right,
55:05
So if a man on the other side, like if he's in,
55:07
he's not independent of his faith to walk with God, then it should that
55:13
should be a rid black. Absolutely it should be, Jess. You know
55:15
why, because you're gonna turn around and in fact, come on, you
55:17
ain't going Come on, why you ain't gonn You ain't gonna go to church.
55:22
We got Bible said you, Oh you can't. You're gonna find yourself
55:23
being a cheerleader. You're gonna be trying to be pompom. You're gonna be
55:27
trying to pull, You're gonna be a firewoman. You canna be a police
55:30
officer. You're gonna be a doctor, you're gonna be a lawyer. For
55:31
this man to come to church, I'm not going through all of that.
55:37
If you can't find him, I can't help you now, baby, because
55:44
I'm running this race. I'm living this life just to live. I mean,
55:47
I'm living this life man, because I want to live again with Christ.
55:51
And so I got a momentum in Christ that I go with and I'm
55:54
not I can't pull you at that rate of speed. You ain't ready,
56:00
baby, that's gonna be a lot of injury because you ain't ready to go
56:02
there. I need you ready to go, But I also need you to
56:06
understand where I am. You've got to reverence my pace too. So if
56:09
you are aggressive in the faith and you are progressive what you're walking, you
56:14
really advance in the scriptures and all that. Respect my space and my pace.
56:17
But just to know, I got to see independent faith. I don't
56:22
need you to have mine. I don't need you to have I need you
56:24
to have your own. So if we don't go together, I know you're
56:28
still going. So what I just heard you say is that even independent faith
56:31
is not like let's say that. Excuse me, I am you know.
56:37
You know who I am like, and you know how I operate in my
56:38
faith or whatever. I go to church. I am committed to my church.
56:42
I am committed to God. Am I perfect? No, I'm not
56:45
gonna say that. But if I meet a man, let's say that he
56:51
doesn't have a church home. He doesn't you know, he don't. He
56:53
might not even know how to speak in tongue, because y'all remember speaking in
56:57
tongues of my second language. Okay, he don't do Aliday. There's some
57:01
cultivation and community that's needed. But he's saying that he has a relationship with
57:06
God. How does how do I look for signs that he that relationship with
57:12
God is real outside of not having community? Does that agree? Agree?
57:16
I get it? Totally get it. What type of initiating factors does he
57:20
have? Does he initiate anything? Intimacy is built off initiation. How you
57:24
initiate a thing can build intimacy. It goes into the natural, goes into
57:29
the spiritual. So if I want to date her, I got to prep
57:31
this thing. I got to really get the get the whole mood, set
57:35
for the week, for the day, for the moment, for the hour,
57:37
build it up, letters, sticky notes around the house, talking,
57:40
texting, Hey, how you doing? You look good today? What you
57:44
have on? All this? All this stuff build up. It's intimacy and
57:46
it's because I initiated it. And a lot of that intimacy is based upon
57:52
you initiating your walk with Christ. It shows God yourself most importantly, that
57:57
you're willing to put the effort in independent of any other stimulus, any other
58:01
anything outside of you, to push you into that. I don't need a
58:07
travesty, I don't need some traumatic event. I don't need nobody near death
58:10
for me to say I'm gonna commit to God. And so that's one of
58:15
the biggest pieces that you know that there needs to be seen and known when
58:17
you're moving into these spaces like Yo, if I never call him and talk
58:21
about God, is he gonna do it? Is he gonna initiate a God
58:24
centered conversation? If you never call him talk about you know, whatever,
58:29
whatever, is he gonna initiate it and start it? If I never make
58:32
mention of my birthday, is he gonna inquire about when my birthday is?
58:37
If I never make mention of my parents, is he gonna ask my upbringing?
58:40
Is he gonna act? It's all about initiation, because initiation tells me
58:45
where your heart and your mind is, where you're willing to go. If
58:49
you ain't willing to go, baby, you ain't willing to know, and
58:52
you ain't willing to get none of this because real talk is you haven't even
58:55
done the groundwork to find out who I am. Wow, you ain't get
59:00
the work, baby. You gotta do the work. So I know,
59:06
I know, I gotta let this go. Does Ray one more question?
59:10
Listen? Wouldn't the producer be producing you know what I'm saying, she's been
59:15
producing all day? Okay, a samwich sandwich? Look, look, I
59:22
might have to go to the subway. What about the man and we can
59:30
since we had already there. What about the man and the woman that's already
59:35
committed in holy matrimonyal what does that look like as far as because at this
59:42
point, I don't know what scripture that gives her permission to walk away because
59:45
of the the imbalance spiritually right and so you can greet me wrong like you
59:52
my passive. So I know of people that are in situations that it looks
1:00:06
like a marital imbalance, and what we're speaking of right now, I don't
1:00:14
know if I don't know if it was overlooked or I don't know what happened
1:00:17
between that, but I know the spaces they are in. Now, what
1:00:21
is your encouragement to the man and the woman? Because I know that not
1:00:27
times in most cases, what I've seen is the woman that's actually going to
1:00:30
church. It's the woman that's actively seeking God. It's the woman that wants
1:00:32
something different. But the man seeing on outside looking in, I'm not saying
1:00:37
that that's what happened, but on the outside looking in, he looks stagnant,
1:00:40
but I really see a brokenness, right, So what is your encouragement
1:00:45
there? How do they rectify that that situation because it wasn't done prior to
1:00:52
It goes back to it goes back to what they what they experienced coming up
1:00:55
and dating and experience with mom and dad. You can't expect there are certain
1:01:00
things that are going to genetically transfer into that person, and it's going to
1:01:05
be a lot of things that they're going to carry over from their childhood and
1:01:07
past experiences. And what we've done is that we've over emotionalized relationships. We've
1:01:12
made them hyper sexual, hyper this that we've hyper extended marriage without understanding what
1:01:21
marriage fully is. We've made it so big to be married, but we
1:01:24
don't know what it takes to be married. Made it so big to have
1:01:28
a man, but we don't know what it takes to keep one. We
1:01:30
made it so big to have a woman, we don't know what it takes
1:01:31
to keep her happy. And so what we have to do is now go
1:01:35
back, and this is the problem. You now you married, Now you're
1:01:38
talking about now we got to go back. I didn't saw too much with
1:01:40
you. Now I don't even want to put the time in and go back
1:01:44
to really find out where was it that really causes you? When we look
1:01:47
at the root of it and we find out, like, yo, this
1:01:51
may just been sexual. I may just like you. Most of you might
1:01:53
have just been to a woman I needed just in the moment, you know
1:01:57
what I mean. But I married you. You were a good one night
1:02:01
but turned into a marriage. You were a good just just just a buddy
1:02:07
buddy type friend, but then I married you. We have those avoided spaces.
1:02:12
We have to be very careful that we don't try to fill them with
1:02:15
long term commitments. I'm sorry because you're talking real good. It's okay,
1:02:24
It's okay, God. No, We're gonna be very careful not to fulfill
1:02:28
them with long term commitments because what we would do. We see long term
1:02:31
on TV, we see long term on media. But what we don't do
1:02:36
is we don't understand long term. And when we start to see these little
1:02:40
when our bodies have been trained for for in the moments, move with what
1:02:45
make you feel good, Move with what high you need to go? He
1:02:51
looked like the right one. He's saying all the right thing. No,
1:02:52
baby, I need to test that long term. You feel what I'm saying.
1:02:57
So what that looked like? Baby? How we do on date night?
1:03:01
Text messages ain't good enough. You know what I told my sister to
1:03:04
do. I said, find out who his mama is, his daddy,
1:03:07
and then talk to his relatives. That's what they did about Jesus. They
1:03:10
found out who Jesus was through the disciples, and disciples find out who they
1:03:15
what the people knew about Jesus by interviewing the people in the cities. You've
1:03:17
got to investigate that person's past life. Talk to his mama and his cousins.
1:03:22
If he got friends, Hey, how was he growing up? Or
1:03:24
he was always mean and angry and abusive? Oh, but he don't text
1:03:30
like that. That's a real flat. He really loving and carrying and kind.
1:03:34
But everybody you've interviewed said he was real angered growing up. I told
1:03:38
my sister, a real flat. Why don't people got to lie on him?
1:03:42
Four five people lying? I'm just saying so I would say, investigate
1:03:46
further. I'm just saying, if you like, everything looks good, Oh,
1:03:51
this could be the one investigate further. Hey, how your mamma?
1:03:54
Your mama tell Yeah, she's telling, like what she at, she down
1:03:57
she lived in Birmingham. Okay, well let me you know however that could
1:04:00
work. I'm talking you wonder daddy. One day you all this, Your
1:04:04
sister saw she friended me on Facebook and boxed the sister. So you're saying
1:04:09
that it's okay to to initiate those moves because you know I've been trained like,
1:04:14
oh well just wait if he if he brings you to me his mama,
1:04:18
you done did some girl? You mean mama? Okay, but how
1:04:21
you know you need to meet her though? Like what makes that a pride
1:04:26
and enjoyed thing? Like what makes that a selling the deal thing? When
1:04:29
you meet the mama? That just that's that's historical, that's what's what what
1:04:33
what society has proven to be a milestone? Yeah, that's what society put
1:04:38
But how do you know this apologic? No? But it's like that's what
1:04:44
needed though, because we act like apologetics is just about the religious stuff or
1:04:49
the lifestyle stuff, but it's really about every day everything. So can you
1:04:55
prove why do we not? Why do I need to do that that's the
1:04:58
apologetic. They need to meet your mama. What does that mean? If
1:05:00
I meet your mama? Does that mean? Now? The more the story
1:05:06
is, you need to interview them. I told somebody at our church this
1:05:11
a male. I said, you messing up on all that? He called
1:05:13
me. I said, what I need to do different? I said,
1:05:15
you need to interview better? I said, did you ask her this?
1:05:18
Yeah? Who her mamma is, who a daddy is? I said,
1:05:20
but you need an interview better? What you love? Would you? Hey?
1:05:24
Yeah, that's cool, that's cool, But you need to dig deeper,
1:05:27
I said, Yo. The one thing I told him this example I
1:05:29
used when I was a recruiter in the army. The reason they came into
1:05:31
the office for the big interview was because we prequalified them well enough for them
1:05:36
to come into the office. If we found out anything on that pre qualification
1:05:41
checklist that was a red flag, we didn't schedule the appointment. I said,
1:05:45
why you dating folk that you ain't pre qualified well enough that you know
1:05:48
they even deserve or sit down with you who they don't even deserve it.
1:05:54
You're wasting my time. And that's what I found him. Recruiting, I
1:05:58
Will had a lot of wasted apartment because I skipped the steps overlook stuff.
1:06:03
Oh he got a medical condition. We might be that still work that And
1:06:05
then my station coming, I'm like, why are you bringing me here?
1:06:08
You know he ain't gonna be able joint with that same thing I leave with
1:06:11
you, the same thing I leave with the women of God, the men
1:06:13
of God. When you date it, prequalify better, dig deeper if they
1:06:17
don't want to answer the question what you've had? And I mean, I'm
1:06:19
just asking questions. I don't know you, you don't know me. You
1:06:24
dig, understand directed and then and then I think in that process you'll be
1:06:30
able to move on to the next day. Yo, maybe a date is
1:06:31
worth having because the conversation over the phone and these text messages real raunchy.
1:06:38
Yeah, you ain't giving me enough on this. Yeah. I may not
1:06:41
need to see you though, but I may just But I ask questions.
1:06:44
Man, don't these folks, don't these dudes and dudes stop stop flaking and
1:06:48
sending all this Good morning boot, how you doing? Good morning, beautiful,
1:06:54
good morning, beautiful text messages. That's that's open up, open up,
1:07:00
give us dialogue, be untext messages, phone calls, were great phone
1:07:08
calls. You see what I'm saying, go old school. I mean,
1:07:12
I'm gonna help some of the younger go old school, pick up the phone
1:07:14
and call how you doing today? I just want to check in everything straight,
1:07:17
be open up, and the biggest win for you is to be honest
1:07:21
and transparent with her. Stop these lies. Lies get you in the bed.
1:07:26
I lied all the time to get them in the bed. I have
1:07:30
to look over there. You see what I said. I ain't doing it
1:07:33
now, y'all. I did, though, I lied a lot of y'all
1:07:36
love you. Yeah, you the one that's a whole don't buy that.
1:07:44
I need to test that. Yeah, I ain't saying test driving. I'm
1:07:47
talking I need to y'all. Wow. That made me laugh so hard.
1:07:59
On We're gonna land the plane because I know that I can. We can
1:08:05
have this conversation all day. So the one thing I do to end the
1:08:12
segment is X what was a four final thought? If I know, we
1:08:16
talked about a lot of things and I'm super excited. April fifteenth is your
1:08:20
lunch date? You guys. We are definitely going to put his link down
1:08:25
here, the real Gino Gardner that is happening. It's happening. It's happened,
1:08:30
So y'all cann go follow him. But out of everything that we've talked
1:08:34
about today, if they listened to, if they didn't hear anything else,
1:08:39
what is the last thing that you would like to leave If you are remember,
1:08:45
I want to leave you with Remember if God transformed you, he transformed
1:08:49
you for a reason. Don't forget what he did because if you forget what
1:08:55
he did, you'll miss what he's going to do. And I don't want
1:08:58
you to miss what he's going to do forgetting about what he did for you,
1:09:01
and it's important to remember. I want you to recall your wins,
1:09:04
recall your losses, but recall Him being in the midst of it all.
1:09:10
I want you to remember, because sometime we get caught up in a moment
1:09:13
and we forget remember what an e is and how and who and where it
1:09:18
happened. Because I'm gonna tell you right now victories. I'm talking about Christ's
1:09:23
centered victories because you're gonna need those as you go through life. And I
1:09:27
don't want you ever forget that, never forget who he is. I love
1:09:30
it. I love it, y'all. This is none other than G know
1:09:33
Gardner, I appreciate you, PG, thank you. I love appreciate you,
1:09:36
love you, Desiree, you know I love you. Happy fifty baby,
1:09:41
Happy fifty, Happy fifty to you. Remember we're here next week.
1:09:45
Until then, life could be much more simple if you just say see you
1:09:50
later. Thank you for tuning in to this week's so since you've made it
1:10:00
this far, you might as well connect with us on all social media platforms
1:10:04
at Deep. Jessica S. Smith, I know I won't see you back
1:10:09
until next week, but until then, remember to love always yourself and always
1:10:16
thank thank God for one another day. Hey, Hey, I know we
1:10:23
could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for another day. Hey
1:10:31
hey, I'm just thankful for another day. Hey hey another day? Oh,
1:10:40
another day wise, another day to get it right, another day to
1:10:43
rise up, another day living another day we loved ones. I always remember
1:10:47
hold it down for a ball one. Yeah okay