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3 Ways You Self Sabotage In Your 20s · Two Broke Chicks

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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always
0:03
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey chicks, I'm sal and home
0:13
Speaker 1: Ow and this is two broad chicks to show that
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Speaker 1: shares life lessons and tips to help make you rich
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Speaker 1: in life. Baby. Today we're talking the ways that we're
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Speaker 1: self sabotaging in our twenties. Love a bit of a
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Speaker 1: self sabotage. Not gonna lie, love it. It's true. Raise
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Speaker 1: your hand if you have been sabotaged by yourself, You've
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Speaker 1: been personally victimized by your self sabotaging. So self sabotaging
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Speaker 1: stuff like scrolling on TikTok when you know that you
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Speaker 1: should be going to bed or procrastinating something until the
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Speaker 1: very last minute, which isn't going to be this episode
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Speaker 1: because we know we know these Yes, we're talking about
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Speaker 1: the things that you do not realize you were doing
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Speaker 1: and a self sabotaging that even in this episode when
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Speaker 1: we were doing.
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Speaker 2: The research, I was like all fuck yeah. On the
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Speaker 2: third one, I was like, shit, that is so me.
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Speaker 2: So the blinders are coming off, Hi, exactly.
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Speaker 1: It's going to be some rude awakenings happening on the pod.
1:12
Speaker 1: We're all here to get into it. We are going
1:15
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1:18
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2:36
Speaker 1: because we do always say that accessorizing is the easiest
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Speaker 1: welcome to the studio, y Sabby b waitby s I
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Speaker 1: borrow it anytime, sweetie, anytime. All right, let's get into
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Speaker 1: the episode. All right, seth, give me the spiel, give
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Speaker 1: me the elevator pitch. For those who need a recap,
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Speaker 1: word is self sabotage.
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Speaker 3: So self sabotage are the actions.
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Speaker 1: Or thoughts that block our success and long term goals
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Speaker 1: and overall wellness. It's the things that we know that
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Speaker 1: we need to do, but we put off because it
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Speaker 1: seems too hard, or there's another easier way to do it,
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Speaker 1: or sometimes you're not even aware that you are doing
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Speaker 1: it exactly. Because these behaviors can be conscious or they
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Speaker 1: can be subconscious, and in today's episode, we're going to
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Speaker 1: be talking about the behaviors that are more so subconscious.
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Speaker 1: And then you don't actually realize what you're doing, which
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Speaker 1: is fun. Yeah, what's a fun way you self sabotage?
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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's fun, But I am a classic,
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Speaker 1: Like I will stay up late out of revenge knowing
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Speaker 1: that I have to get up early. But I'm like,
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Speaker 1: I'm not done with the day yet. I haven't had
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Speaker 1: enough me time. I haven't had enough fun yet, so.
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Speaker 3: I'll just stay up.
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Speaker 1: I need to have more fun.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, like I haven't had time for my shows.
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Speaker 1: I haven't had time to like fuck around and just
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Speaker 1: like dumb shit that I don't need to be doing.
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Speaker 1: Like I love revenge, procrastination, bedtime, love that. What's yours?
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Speaker 1: I love tool shop?
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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love to buy.
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Speaker 1: I love to spend my money. Oh do you know
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Speaker 1: what my self sabotage is? My fun self sabotage is.
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Speaker 2: I think I'm a fifty year old Wall Street man
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Speaker 2: when I'm at a bar with my friends.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I say you want to drink? You got drink? Baby?
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Speaker 4: Yeah?
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Speaker 1: You want shots? Round of shots? It's on me.
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Speaker 2: I think I am the richest man alive wants one
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Speaker 2: drop of alcohol hits my tongue. I'm buying everyone's drinks.
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Speaker 2: Literally every time I meet chicks in the wild and.
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Speaker 1: They're like you out, and I'm like, yeah, go on, kids,
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Speaker 1: let's go get.
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Speaker 2: One time I had to transfer money from my boyfriend's
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Speaker 2: account to my account.
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Speaker 1: To buy people arounded drinks because I didn't have money.
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Speaker 1: You make out. We've actually spoken about this on the
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Speaker 1: show before, but my fun self sabotage is actually it's
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Speaker 1: just one day. Oh fuck off, I hate that work.
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Speaker 1: That's what if you if you miss the episode. It's
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Speaker 1: just one day? Is my mantra when I'm twisting. Is
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Speaker 1: it a self sabotage?
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Speaker 3: That's a multi sabotage.
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Speaker 2: You sabotage everyone around you when you do this.
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Speaker 3: I know, yeah, I take everyone down with me.
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Speaker 1: And it's just like the mantra that if people are like, oh, like,
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Speaker 1: I think it's time to wrap it up, or we've
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Speaker 1: got to do something at nine am, and I'll be like,
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Speaker 1: but come on.
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Speaker 3: Like, we're out, we're having fun, and it's just one day.
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Speaker 3: It's just one day.
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Speaker 1: If the worst day of you.
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Speaker 4: If I do the amount of times I wanted to
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Speaker 4: murder out and she giggles the next day, going, it's
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Speaker 4: just like you out until I hit a wall and
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Speaker 4: then yeah, and then I'm like, oh, but we have
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Speaker 4: a quote. Tell me that perfect encapsulates self sabotage.
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Speaker 1: This quote from Jess Atridge. The reason you self sabotage
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Speaker 1: is because it allows you to predict what's going to happen,
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Speaker 1: which gives you an illusion of control, which I can
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Speaker 1: definitely relate to. Yeah, would that apply do you think
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Speaker 1: more to the conscious self sabotage or do you think
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Speaker 1: it applies to both. I think it applies to both
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Speaker 1: because I think like when we get down to even
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Speaker 1: our first one, we'll be able to see how it
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Speaker 1: relates because it's a subconscious thing, even in your subconscious
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Speaker 1: that is rooted from something deep.
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Speaker 3: Down that you are aware of.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, whether it's a fear or an anxiety, and it's
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Speaker 1: I think it's a self protection absolutely sure.
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Speaker 2: That quote really like encompasses what it's like like dating
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Speaker 2: and the self sabotage that can be associated with dating,
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Speaker 2: because that was something that I would do all the time.
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Speaker 2: That if you are constantly finding like the dumbest stupid
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Speaker 2: is IX about that you're not going to date them
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Speaker 2: anymore because they tie their shoelaces weird, like that self sabotage,
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Speaker 2: or because they wear sockheads, Like if you're dumping someone
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Speaker 2: over that, that's probably self sabotage, because if you like
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Speaker 2: someone enough, nothing's an ink. Yeah, okay, I want to
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Speaker 2: start strong because when I was researching this form of
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Speaker 2: self sabotage, I was so hyped. I was like, I
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Speaker 2: felt like I had taken like, what's the thing, pre gym,
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Speaker 2: pre workout?
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I felt like I had taken pre
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Speaker 1: gym because I was like so hyped by how much
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Speaker 1: this way of self sabotaging and identifying it would literally
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Speaker 1: change lives. We're here to save lives. People Derreck Sheppard,
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Speaker 1: and your lack of audacity is the quiet killer of
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Speaker 1: experience and joy in your twenties and beyond. Let that settle,
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Speaker 1: let that marinate, let that maritate.
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Speaker 2: That you are self sabotaging by not having the audacity.
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Speaker 2: So I want to talk about the silent dream killer,
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Speaker 2: if you will, that just doesn't get enough attention, and
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Speaker 2: it's a lack of audacity, And I don't mean fear,
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Speaker 2: like not fear.
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Speaker 1: I'm talking the audacity with like sparkles around it. So
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Speaker 1: your twenties.
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Speaker 2: Are supposed to be these like messy magical I don't
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Speaker 2: know what's going on, but I'm going along.
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Speaker 1: For the ride, like what if I just tried years.
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Speaker 2: However, I think we've had this shift recently of obviously
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Speaker 2: a little bit more softer, but women in general just
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Speaker 2: don't have enough audacity Somewhere between being told to be realistic,
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Speaker 2: stay humble, and not take up too much space, a
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Speaker 2: lot of us have started just playing life really really small,
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Speaker 2: and we've lost our boldness, our ability to just like
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Speaker 2: shoot our shot and just like.
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Speaker 1: Balls to the wall. If you plot, do it for
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Speaker 1: the plot, and the thing is do it for the
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Speaker 1: plot has been really put into maybe like a party atmosphere.
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Speaker 1: Having the audacity isn't about.
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Speaker 2: Doing a round of shots and going and fucking some
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Speaker 2: guy you met that night, which slave so in trying
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Speaker 2: to kind of be maybe softer and humble and put
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Speaker 2: others first and maybe even realistic, I think we've accidentally
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Speaker 2: started sabotaging our own happiness because we're so concerned about
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Speaker 2: putting others first and being nice like this, this niceness
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Speaker 2: that women are so enriched in can also become a
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Speaker 2: part that we're like drowning in. And audacity is the
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Speaker 2: opposite of waiting until you're one hundred percent qualified or ready,
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Speaker 2: or like you're never going to be ready or you're
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Speaker 2: never going to be one hundred percent qualified. And I
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Speaker 2: also want to preface that it's not arrogance, it's not
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Speaker 2: being like like, there is a diffference between boldness and
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Speaker 2: thinking you can do no wrong, absolutely, because without the audacity,
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Speaker 2: and this is where the self sabotage element comes in,
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Speaker 2: is that you're missing opportunities that were never going to
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Speaker 2: come by neatly labeling them as perfect timing that was
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Speaker 2: never going to happen anyway. Yeah, so you're always waiting
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Speaker 2: for this thing to fall into your lap and be like, Okay,
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Speaker 2: now I can do it, but it's never going to
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Speaker 2: fall that apple ain't going to drop baby.
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Speaker 1: No, life doesn't work like that. You have to create
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Speaker 1: those moments a lot of the time, and a lot
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Speaker 1: of the time you're going to like trip and fall
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Speaker 1: in eat shit along the way anyway and then get
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Speaker 1: up and be like wait, no, okay, I'm back. I
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Speaker 1: got it, and that's where you get where you need
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Speaker 1: to be as well. There's a fear element or you're
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Speaker 1: embarrassed or you don't want to feel like you're taking
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Speaker 1: up space. Earlier in my career, like when I was
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Speaker 1: in my late teens early twenties first entering the corporate sphere,
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Speaker 1: I remember I would be so scared to like speak
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Speaker 1: up or put my hand up in a meeting or
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Speaker 1: make a suggestion or no, Ellen, that's wrong. See that's
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Speaker 1: an example of having the audacity. Yeah. Yes, Dakota Johnson
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Speaker 1: on The Ellen Show being like, actually, Ellen, that's not
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Speaker 1: what happened.
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Speaker 2: That is having the audacity. That is what I'm talking about,
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Speaker 2: because imagine how much more powerful women could be if
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Speaker 2: they just had a little bit more audacity.
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Speaker 1: And you're never gonna feel ready, But that's why it's
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Speaker 1: tapping into this magic. Is like the secret behind landing
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Speaker 1: the dream job when you didn't study it at UNI,
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Speaker 1: or you didn't have every single requirement, starting a business
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Speaker 1: when no one believes in the product or the idea
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Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, are you sure, like that's a
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Speaker 1: big risk and you're like, no, I fucking believe in it,
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Speaker 1: or leaving the relationship that looks fine on paper, but
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Speaker 1: your gut is just saying this isn't it? Or asking
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Speaker 1: for more money, for more joy, for more rest, which
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Speaker 1: is something that women just do not get enough of.
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Speaker 1: And again there is also a limit to this because
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Speaker 1: you can also self sabotage by being a little too audacious,
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Speaker 1: which I love that word, by the way, Audacious is
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Speaker 1: a good one. Audacious and you have to say it
13:17
Speaker 1: with a Southern accent.
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Speaker 3: Oh audacious.
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Speaker 1: I just think he was a little too aldacious.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I do you know what I mean?
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Speaker 1: Yeah? And when I was looking into this, and I
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Speaker 1: think you'll know what I'm talking about with this sow.
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Speaker 1: But there is a gender audacity gap. The Harvard Business
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Speaker 1: Law reports that men will apply for a role if
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Speaker 1: they meet only sixty percent of the qualifications, whereas women
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Speaker 1: apply if they meet just about one hundred percent of
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Speaker 1: the requirements. Which is an interesting statistic from their research
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Speaker 1: was that a lot of women said they didn't think
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Speaker 1: they would get hired because they didn't meet the qualifications
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Speaker 1: and didn't want to put themselves out there when they
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Speaker 1: were likely to fail. And this is where having more
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Speaker 1: audacity allows you to shoot your shot and go for
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Speaker 1: those moments and not crumble if they don't work out either.
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Speaker 1: It's being able to be like, yeah, let's have a go,
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Speaker 1: and then if it doesn't work out, you're like, Okay,
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Speaker 1: I'll try next time, like people who have the audacity
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Speaker 1: is like it reminds me of the episode with Britney
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Speaker 1: Saunders where she was telling us about all her businesses
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Speaker 1: that she had that she was like, yeah, that didn't
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Speaker 1: work out. Yeah, but she had the audacity to keep
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Speaker 1: going and keep trying. So I have a little list
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Speaker 1: of audacity one oh one.
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Speaker 2: So audacity one oh one is setting your own priorities,
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Speaker 2: taking action with what aligns to your values. And this
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Speaker 2: is my favorite one.
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Speaker 1: The mop up mentality, So having a mentality of when
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Speaker 1: everything goes to shit, because it is a when, not
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Speaker 1: an if, I'll clean it up.
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Speaker 2: I'll figure it out and I'll go on with my day.
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Speaker 2: A mop up mentality means that when there is a
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Speaker 2: my my life is a mess.
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Speaker 1: I can clean it up and continue on and that's it.
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Speaker 1: It's not being like oh my god, because one, when
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Speaker 1: you clean a mess, you don't sit there looking at
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Speaker 1: the clean space thinking well that mess was crazy. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: you just go on your day. And that's what I
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Speaker 1: love about the mop up mentality, which is something I
15:18
Speaker 1: definitely need to embrace more of because I can absolutely
15:21
Speaker 1: get hung up on stuff and be like the end
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Speaker 1: of the world. Absolutely. I think for me, one that
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Speaker 1: I was thinking about when I was doing this is
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Speaker 1: how I'll overcompensate for a lack of availability. Yeah, I
15:36
Speaker 1: do that, so like, for example, if I don't, like
15:41
Speaker 1: if I forget to reply to a friend, or if
15:44
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just not available or I haven't replied
15:47
Speaker 1: or whatever that is, then I then have the guilt
15:50
Speaker 1: of it. And then I'm like, but do you know what,
15:52
Speaker 1: Then I can do this, and I'll do that, and
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Speaker 1: I'll call you and I'll text you and if you
15:56
Speaker 1: need help with this, when really it just needs to
15:58
Speaker 1: be like sorry, I was busy.
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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and just explained.
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Speaker 1: Having more audacity to be unavailable all the time is
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Speaker 1: something that I think I can do a bit more
16:09
Speaker 1: because I am not available all the time and I
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Speaker 1: have that bit downpat that I don't reply to everyone
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Speaker 1: as soon as I get the text. But that's also
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Speaker 1: just my brain. But it's the guilt I have that
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Speaker 1: I'm not available to everyone all the time that I
16:25
Speaker 1: need to be a little bit more audacious dacious, And
16:30
Speaker 1: I want to wrap this bit up with saying that
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Speaker 1: you need to look at audacity as the bridge of
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Speaker 1: what you want and where you want to be. There
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Speaker 1: are so many worse things that you could be than audacious,
16:44
Speaker 1: and that's unhappy. Moving on to the next way that
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Speaker 1: we are self sabotaging in our twenties and beyond without
16:51
Speaker 1: realizing it.
16:52
Speaker 3: Are you really mad or do you just want attention?
16:56
Speaker 1: I'm both honestly, because conflict in relationships is totally normal
17:04
Speaker 1: and there have actually been some studies done that prove
17:07
Speaker 1: that there are healthy ways to fight and it can
17:10
Speaker 1: actually improve intimacy and connection and even your sex life
17:14
Speaker 1: in a relationship. So, yeah, it is important to speak
17:17
Speaker 1: up for yourself and have conflict in a relationship and
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Speaker 1: to have the courage and the audacity to have those
17:24
Speaker 1: difficult conversations. But if you find yourself constantly having conflict
17:30
Speaker 1: in your relationship or constantly instigating things, you may be
17:35
Speaker 1: using that as a means of self sabotage. Well, maybe
17:38
Speaker 1: you know someone that does this. Yeah, like you, I
17:41
Speaker 1: feel like when you're listening to this, you may be
17:44
Speaker 1: like Okay, yeah, I do some of these things, or
17:46
Speaker 1: oh I know someone who does this. We're not just
17:49
Speaker 1: talking romantic relationships either. I think this can apply to romantic,
17:53
Speaker 1: platonic family, any sort of relationship or dynamic in your life.
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Speaker 1: But pick fights to get attention, feel heard, or maybe
18:04
Speaker 1: you feel like your needs aren't being met, could be
18:07
Speaker 1: a sign of something called protest behavior. Have you heard
18:11
Speaker 1: of this before? Now I haven't.
18:12
Speaker 3: We're taking you to school.
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Speaker 1: So, especially in the case of anxious attachment styles, protest
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Speaker 1: behavior refers to the way that people aim to get
18:22
Speaker 1: attention or reassurance, and it stems from a fear of
18:26
Speaker 1: abandonment or a desire to get connection with people. And
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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people can relate to I
18:34
Speaker 1: don't feel like my needs are being met in this relationship,
18:37
Speaker 1: I don't feel like we have connection, or I feel
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Speaker 1: like you're distant. I'm going to start a fight, actually factual, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: and that's going to be a sure fire away for
18:47
Speaker 1: you to show your emotions and show that you care
18:50
Speaker 1: and show that you're invested and then also guess what
18:53
Speaker 1: you have to consult me? Yeah, because we're in a fight.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, Because when I was with an X. This was
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Speaker 2: one hundred percent what I would do. Like when I
19:03
Speaker 2: was in my early twenties, they like wouldn't really give
19:07
Speaker 2: me attention, wouldn't tell me that they cared about me.
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Speaker 2: But whenever we would have a disagreement, then that's when
19:14
Speaker 2: they would actually show their emotions. And so it creates
19:17
Speaker 2: this toxic kind of rewards system basically that it's like, Okay, well,
19:22
Speaker 2: if we're having a fight, then I actually finally get
19:24
Speaker 2: to hear that you love me. And so that's also
19:26
Speaker 2: why I don't want anyone to hear this self sabotage
19:30
Speaker 2: like tactic and think, oh, so I'm just an asshole
19:33
Speaker 2: because I pick fights, And it's like, no, you kind
19:35
Speaker 2: of need to look at the environment and see why
19:39
Speaker 2: you're picking a fight, because if you're picking a fight
19:42
Speaker 2: with a friend or a family member or someone that
19:44
Speaker 2: you're in a situationship with or a relationship with, you
19:47
Speaker 2: need to understand and address as to what's lacking as
19:52
Speaker 2: to why you're doing it.
19:53
Speaker 1: The thing with protest behavior is it can manifest in
19:56
Speaker 1: picking fights, but it can also manifest in other things
19:59
Speaker 1: like the violent treatment or stomping around the house when
20:03
Speaker 1: you're cranky, or it can even be clinginess as well.
20:07
Speaker 1: There's a few different ways that it can manifest. And
20:09
Speaker 1: like you were saying, there's nothing wrong with you if
20:11
Speaker 1: you do these things, but it is a sign that
20:14
Speaker 1: there are unresolved issues either in the relationship or perhaps
20:18
Speaker 1: within yourself and what you deserve and what you need
20:21
Speaker 1: out of a relationship and how you're not getting that. Well.
20:24
Speaker 1: A lot of the time with things like this, it's
20:27
Speaker 1: learned behavior from maybe when you've been growing up or
20:30
Speaker 1: in school or something within your younger years that knowing
20:36
Speaker 1: this doesn't actually make you a bad person. It makes you.
20:40
Speaker 2: So much stronger and smarter to be like, well, that's
20:43
Speaker 2: why I'm doing that, and so you can literally be
20:45
Speaker 2: like hacking your life that in those moments. Maybe it'll
20:49
Speaker 2: be after it, maybe you'll have your protest behavior flare
20:52
Speaker 2: up and you'll be like, ah, shit, that was that exactly,
20:55
Speaker 2: and you don't have to beat.
20:56
Speaker 1: Yourself up for it. You can be like okay, cool,
20:57
Speaker 1: and then maybe the next time it happens, you'll be.
21:00
Speaker 2: Mid protest and you'll be like, oh, that's what I'm doing.
21:03
Speaker 2: I'm self sabotaging, and you'll be able to wrap it up,
21:06
Speaker 2: and then the next time before you protest, you'll be like,
21:09
Speaker 2: hold on, take a breath, take a beat, go masturbate,
21:12
Speaker 2: come back, you'll be great.
21:14
Speaker 3: I mean, that's always the ca to every Yeah, every
21:18
Speaker 3: I mean.
21:19
Speaker 1: So, there are a few different ways that you're self
21:21
Speaker 1: sabotaging if you are, I guess, showing protest behaviors. So,
21:26
Speaker 1: according to an article written by counselor Hannah Dorscher, the
21:31
Speaker 1: attention you receive is rewarded from unhealthy behavior, which is
21:34
Speaker 1: what you were saying before, which means the inner wounds
21:36
Speaker 1: of the source of the problem aren't being resolved. You
21:40
Speaker 1: kin't putting a band aid on top of it by
21:43
Speaker 1: getting the attention or getting the reassurance that you get
21:47
Speaker 1: in the moment. But it doesn't actually fix it, and
21:49
Speaker 1: it just turns into a pattern. And frequent conflict is
21:54
Speaker 1: going to create instability in a relationship and can erode
21:59
Speaker 1: that intimacy connection that you do have with somebody, and
22:02
Speaker 1: it also just reinforces anxious attachment styles. Yeah, I also
22:07
Speaker 1: think we can glorify it a little bit in like
22:10
Speaker 1: pop culture and society of like heat sex or like
22:14
Speaker 1: post fight coital. It's like the relationship had passion and
22:19
Speaker 1: passion and fight all the time, and then the sex
22:22
Speaker 1: is so great. I'm like, I couldn't think of anything
22:25
Speaker 1: worse such with someone after they just made me cry. Yeah.
22:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, and look, we're not here to yuck anybody's young.
22:32
Speaker 1: But there's a I've had.
22:34
Speaker 2: I've had the relationship where it was like passion and
22:37
Speaker 2: spicy and like kind of angry flirting and you'd be like, yeah,
22:40
Speaker 2: but then there's a difference between someone just being a
22:43
Speaker 2: dick totally.
22:44
Speaker 3: That's where it gets blurred exactly.
22:47
Speaker 1: We think it's passion, but really they're just an asshole. Yeah. Yeah,
22:51
Speaker 1: But like we said, if you did listen to this
22:54
Speaker 1: and you're like as shit, like I relate to a
22:57
Speaker 1: few of these.
22:58
Speaker 3: Things, there are definitely things that you can do to
23:01
Speaker 3: improve upon this, because it is better for you in
23:04
Speaker 3: the long run to not be feeling.
23:07
Speaker 1: Stressed and upset and like you do need constant reassurance
23:10
Speaker 1: from somebody else, because of course you need attention from
23:12
Speaker 1: someone in a relationship, but you should also be able
23:15
Speaker 1: to self soothe, yeah, in some moments as well. So
23:18
Speaker 1: monitor your emotions, be conscious of those moments where you
23:21
Speaker 1: do feel like something happens, and then you give your
23:24
Speaker 1: partner the silent treatment, or you're nitpicking something because you
23:28
Speaker 1: want to start a fight, or you're nagging about things
23:30
Speaker 1: that you know you truly don't actually care about clear communication.
23:34
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's easier to pick a fight with someone then
23:38
Speaker 1: to sit down and have a mature conversation where you
23:41
Speaker 1: can't just be like, well, fuck you and leave, because
23:44
Speaker 1: then you actually have to bear your emotions and say
23:46
Speaker 1: how you truly feel, and that's vulnerable. I also think
23:49
Speaker 1: when you do that, it feels good in the moment,
23:52
Speaker 1: when you like choose the immature route, Like sometimes you're like,
23:56
Speaker 1: it'll feel good in the moment, but then like an
23:59
Speaker 1: hour later, when you've like come back to said you're like, eh, shit, yeah,
24:04
Speaker 1: because you're naw, you good to say sorry exactly you know,
24:07
Speaker 1: or you know it's going to happen again and you're
24:09
Speaker 1: not really getting anywere kind of spinning your wheels. And
24:12
Speaker 1: then if you are aware of these things self soothing.
24:16
Speaker 1: So that is different for every single person. But if
24:19
Speaker 1: you feel heated in the moment, leave the situation and
24:22
Speaker 1: go for a walk, do some breath work, call a
24:25
Speaker 1: friend that you can confide in go to sleep, go
24:28
Speaker 1: to bed, Have something to.
24:30
Speaker 3: Eat, yeah, whatever to bed, Yeah, go to bed.
24:33
Speaker 1: Honestly, truly, nothing is ever as dramatic after bedtime.
24:39
Speaker 2: Our final self sabotage. And this was the one that
24:42
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is read like, this is
24:46
Speaker 2: so you hate me.
24:47
Speaker 1: And it was inspired by this book that I came
24:51
Speaker 1: across on Instagram that I was like, fuck, I've got
24:54
Speaker 1: to read that. And it's called Tiny Experiments, How to
24:57
Speaker 1: Live Freely in a goal obsessed Well, I know, right,
25:01
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh God, this hits the nail
25:03
Speaker 1: on the head. And he's a little excerpt from the
25:07
Speaker 1: blurb neuroscientists and entrepreneur Anna law lecunff. I think it's
25:13
Speaker 1: Anne law Le comfe if it's French, I liked how
25:17
Speaker 1: I said. It reveals that all you need is an
25:20
Speaker 1: experimental mindset to turn challenges into self discovery and doubt
25:24
Speaker 1: into opportunity. Readers will replace the old linear model of
25:28
Speaker 1: success with a circular model of growth, in which goals
25:32
Speaker 1: are discovered, pursued, and adapted not in a vacuum, but
25:35
Speaker 1: in conversation with the larger world.
25:39
Speaker 2: And basically, this self sabotage is goals have somehow morphed
25:44
Speaker 2: into burnout masked as ambition exactly, and we are literally
25:50
Speaker 2: in a burnout epidemic.
25:53
Speaker 1: I think you'd be very hard pressed to find anyone
25:56
Speaker 1: that is in their twenties, thirties, forties that doesn't feel
26:01
Speaker 1: burnt out. With the cost of living crisis, the upcoming election,
26:04
Speaker 1: the current news cycle, like, there is a lot to
26:08
Speaker 1: take on, and especially with work from home being so popular,
26:13
Speaker 1: overtime hours bleed into that that are unpaid. It's just
26:18
Speaker 1: there's a lot. And we also now live in a
26:22
Speaker 1: world where other people's success is in up the palm
26:25
Speaker 1: of our hand, which can act as a motivation, but
26:29
Speaker 1: now just feels more as a competition that we're constantly
26:33
Speaker 1: watching other people do seventy five hard resets or whatever
26:38
Speaker 1: their routine is. My nine to five before my five
26:40
Speaker 1: to nine. That was the wrong way round. But you
26:42
Speaker 1: know what I mean that we're like, oh, I want
26:44
Speaker 1: to do that, I need to do that.
26:46
Speaker 2: And it's like with the obsession of becoming is a
26:50
Speaker 2: trap that we don't ever get to just be because
26:54
Speaker 2: we always need to be becoming something that what's next, yeah, yeah,
26:59
Speaker 2: And it's like you actually don't get to sit with
27:01
Speaker 2: yourself and just enjoy the now.
27:04
Speaker 1: And I everyone's like, oh no, because I am the
27:09
Speaker 1: first one to jump on a trend or do a
27:13
Speaker 1: reset or just like fall in love with like a
27:17
Speaker 1: new routine that's going to change my life, or like literally,
27:20
Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't shut up
27:22
Speaker 1: about the let them theory, which I still can't.
27:24
Speaker 3: I still love it.
27:25
Speaker 1: And that's the thing is this is such a delicate
27:29
Speaker 1: line to toe, a towy line, it's a toy line.
27:35
Speaker 1: And there's this quote from Ben Whiting and it says
27:39
Speaker 1: an alcohol hangover comes after binge drinking. A productivity hangover
27:45
Speaker 1: comes after binge doing. And we are all binge doing
27:50
Speaker 1: too much, and so now we have productivity hangovers and
27:54
Speaker 1: we're burnt out because we're self sabotaging by thinking that
27:57
Speaker 1: we can literally do everything, and our need for pace
28:01
Speaker 1: and productivity in tasks that should be enjoyment has sabotaged
28:06
Speaker 1: not only the ability to be still and rest, but
28:09
Speaker 1: to actually enjoy your life. And it was just making me.
28:13
Speaker 2: Think that there are these trending like hobbies. Yeah, so
28:19
Speaker 2: like running and half marathons. Everyone's doing a fucking half
28:23
Speaker 2: marathon now, right, Yeah, power to them, love that, do
28:26
Speaker 2: your half marathon. But if you hate running, don't run.
28:31
Speaker 1: If you hate reading, don't read. You don't need to
28:34
Speaker 1: become a reader. You don't need to become a runner.
28:38
Speaker 1: Go find what you like doing. If you like sitting
28:41
Speaker 1: on the couch and watching movies, do that.
28:44
Speaker 3: Yeah.
28:45
Speaker 1: Like, we are just so wrapped up and me me like,
28:48
Speaker 1: this is why I was like, oh my god, existential
28:51
Speaker 1: crisis when I was reading this out, because I was like,
28:54
Speaker 1: I actually think so much of the last two years
28:59
Speaker 1: of my life has been trying to become something else.
29:04
Speaker 1: That only this year when I kind of said earlier
29:07
Speaker 1: in the year that my goal this year was to
29:09
Speaker 1: do less that I've actually only started enjoying my time
29:13
Speaker 1: more because I'm doing less. What do you think? Yeah,
29:17
Speaker 1: I think we view ourselves as projects to be worked on.
29:22
Speaker 1: And while I do think part of that is true,
29:25
Speaker 1: and we're always evolving and we should always be looking
29:28
Speaker 1: for ways to make ourselves happier and a better version
29:31
Speaker 1: of ourselves, but I don't think the better version of
29:34
Speaker 1: ourself is more productive, or has more hobbies, or has
29:37
Speaker 1: more achievements.
29:40
Speaker 3: And by that I mean achievements on a piece of paper. Yeah,
29:43
Speaker 3: because in.
29:44
Speaker 1: The last I would say, in the last six months
29:46
Speaker 1: or so, I've been trying to do the same and
29:49
Speaker 1: I've been doing that by leaning into hobbies that I
29:52
Speaker 1: love doing when I was a little kid in a
29:54
Speaker 1: child vibe, yeah, and like really leaning into that in
29:58
Speaker 1: a child and being like, what did I enjoy doing
30:01
Speaker 1: as a little girl, because I am still that person
30:04
Speaker 1: and none of these things are like, well, I guess
30:08
Speaker 1: junk journaling maybe I was gonna say, none of them
30:10
Speaker 1: are like when I sent you, Yes I did. I did,
30:13
Speaker 1: and one of the chicks sent it to me as well,
30:14
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love that. What we're referencing is
30:16
Speaker 1: that Dimick Sydney is holding a junk journaling event with
30:20
Speaker 1: Martina Marshall, who is like the Queen of the junk
30:23
Speaker 1: j the goddess of the Queen of junk.
30:27
Speaker 3: Oh my god, in the best way possible.
30:29
Speaker 1: It's just amazing. But yeah, I think a lot of
30:31
Speaker 1: the things that I've been tapping into aren't trending, and
30:34
Speaker 1: they're not necessarily the things that I'm like posting about
30:37
Speaker 1: and whatever, because it's just for myself and it's just
30:40
Speaker 1: something that I want to focus on because it makes
30:43
Speaker 1: me happy, and that's it. Yeah, Because people are self
30:46
Speaker 1: sabotaging their own lives because they've stopped living their lives
30:50
Speaker 1: and started project managing it. Yeah, and self improvement has
30:55
Speaker 1: become a toxic evolution into self erasion. But it's like, oh,
31:01
Speaker 1: that habit is now no longer viewed as successful. That
31:05
Speaker 1: now I need to change this thing that I enjoy
31:08
Speaker 1: doing and start like, if it is if you like
31:11
Speaker 1: watching reality TV, do that. Whereas it's like, oh reality TV,
31:16
Speaker 1: that's not successful, that's not a good thing, that's not
31:18
Speaker 1: twelve so CEOs don't do that, whereas they all read
31:21
Speaker 1: seventeen self improvement books a day. So now I have
31:23
Speaker 1: to do that even though I don't like it. Yeah,
31:26
Speaker 1: And it's like, fuck me, bro, we only get one
31:27
Speaker 1: chance of this. Honestly, I think that's what I'm realizing
31:31
Speaker 1: more is I just want to be happy. Yeah, whatever
31:34
Speaker 1: is the simplest way to do that, That's.
31:36
Speaker 3: What I'm gonna fucking do.
31:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so we'll leave on this note is that
31:41
Speaker 1: maybe the most radical thing you can do in your
31:44
Speaker 1: twenties is to stop trying to self improve yourself into
31:48
Speaker 1: someone else. And just enjoy being yourself. I would love
31:52
Speaker 1: to know in the comments how the chicks have kind
31:56
Speaker 1: of listened to this episode and ways that they've realized
31:59
Speaker 1: that they self sabotaging. Put it in the comments so
32:02
Speaker 1: that we can also help identify some traits in ourselves
32:06
Speaker 1: in there safe space and bonus point if you can
32:09
Speaker 1: think of a healthy habit or thought or routine you
32:13
Speaker 1: could replace it with instead. Love it. Now, let's get
32:16
Speaker 1: a little old day. Thank you Mike getting made for
32:20
Speaker 1: week News episode to bro Chick Tabin and thanks for
32:22
Speaker 1: having us in your audacious little eels. We love to
32:26
Speaker 1: be here by Chiky Bye,