Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: Absurd sales pitches

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: Absurd sales pitches · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is KFE Mornings Mornings with Darren Sherlin, Sibbs and you.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: It's Marshmallow Miles on it here on KFE Mornings. It's
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: nine after eight o'clock. We've got a brank coming up.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Next with Darren Sherlin, Sibbs and you.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I can hear it. Shirley, you've got the lurgie. You've
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: got the bug for I tried not to talk about it,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: not to think about it, you know, Capan. I fear
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: that producer Jean has just been dismissed from class. She's
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: just gone home. She's got what you've got. Now you've
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: got it, sobs you next, and it's me and I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: pulled Jean where in the middle of a sports bulletin
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: my voice disappeared. This thing just comes at you so hard.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Please stop that.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: That's what's inside you. That's what it sounds like. I
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: got that from a scope and it's slowly going to
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: creep up and move through the room.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Oh it's coming for me too.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I know it.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I know it.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It's in your veins, in your sinus num numb number,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: that's what it's doing. It's scary. Okay enough, I'm sicker,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: ready to stop.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: What you're doing.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Here's another world famous crank from Darren Wackhead, something exclusive
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: to KFM Mornings.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I'm pulling one out
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: the archives yesterday. I was hectic yesterday getting everything in
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: line four today. And you know what was was crazy
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: was I was so snowed in so like just feeling it,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: you know, under the pump, I started writing poetry. I
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: love that to calm my nerves. That a first for you, Derek,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: it's the first. You look, the last time I wrote
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: poetry was roses or red violets of blue. That was
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: my level and the level now probably still that. There's
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: there's no level in arts. It's self expression.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Oh wow.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Quote of the day. This is like no matter what
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: your kid brings home, you put it on the fridge.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Eh that's subject exactly exactly. Okay. So one of my
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: favorite characters that I play, I am telemarketer and you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: know what, resilient and I'll always get it over the line.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: To this day, I haven't sold one product, but let
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: me tell you my products or genius and one day
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a billion from one of my products.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: One day, you know, Richard Branson. He had one hundred companies.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Three were a success. He kept going, you keep trying. Yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I'm on two thousand and five right now, but I'll
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: keep copping on, all right. So this guy, by the way,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: he hates telemarketers, so I'm bringing him the worst product.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Good morning, mister Smith, How are you good. My name
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: is Craig. I'm calling you from Jetstar Inventions. I just
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: wanted to introduce you to this brand new product that
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: we have. It's called picnic pants.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm not interested.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Upon first glance, it looks like a pair of normal chinos,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: but it is actually fully equipped to have a five star.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Picnic Oh no, thank you.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: So it comes with a variety of pockets.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: No, it's fine, I'm not interested.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: So let me tell you that it has a start
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: pocket on the left knee for your naves and fox,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and on the right knee it has a start pocket
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: with a juice dispenser.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, how many pockets things got? I don't I'm not
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: interested by and so.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Your normal pens? Hello, missus Smith. Yes, sorry, I seems
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: you've lost signal there.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: We didn't lost signormal friends, friend down, stop bothering me.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested. You don't what's in the pockets.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not interested because what we found out, normally, when
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: people go for a picnic, they have to hold this
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: heavy basket. And when I don't even.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I don't even go on picnics. You never anyway are
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: gonna sholl like this anybody?
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Why do you? Why do you say that?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: My friends? If I'm gonna go on a ro mantic
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: picnic now, I want to lie down and stop on
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: the grass, be a fans like that isn't gonna help anyway.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: So it's not gonna work.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: So we have thought about that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: No, then sell it to other idiots, because I'm not
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: one of them. I'm not interested a guy.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: So normally, if you to buy a pair of pants
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: and a picnic basket, that could cost you anything up
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  Speaker 1: to one thousand rand our picnic pants, I will give
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: them to you right now for one hundred and twenty
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: nine rands.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Sir, No, no, thank you, no sank.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: But the special enjoyed the little of the evening by
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: the special, good evening. Mister sweet, how are you no man?
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: You already make What must I do with these pants?
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested in the pants, I say, the picnic pants,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: It shouts articulated. I mean, who kind of idea, my boss.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: He also invented the snuggie. You know that blanket that's
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: like a jacket for you lying on the couts. Yes,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: we call it the wind a garment for depressant.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: It's your boss. It's not a good idea. It's not
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: gonna work.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: And then let me just tell you that the back pocket,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: the two back pockets on the bump, they carry it
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: a third plate.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, am I gonna shut the side plates on?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Excuse me?
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Are you gonna sit in the thing? You see? You
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: don't force it frough say, it's not gonna work.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: So it is already working. And let me just tell
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: you that in the front of the pants, by the
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: cross ere, it has a special parts that has a
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: thermal lining in it. All right, Now, what you do
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: is when you get out your car, and if you
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: have at least a two kilometer walk up the hill
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to your destination to your picnic spots. The okay that
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: for every kilometer that you wore, it raises the temperature
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: of whatever you've put in there, for instance, a piece
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: of meat that you want warmed by the time you
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: get to the topic.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: If you don't even go on picnics, No, I don't
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: have a time for picnics and like this and for
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: pants and I don't I'm not interested.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Do you have a girlfriend?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: It sounds I've got a girlfriend. It sounds it's not.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Your pants sound spectacular. I must face I must see
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: something like that, But it's not for me. Who's gonna
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: carry all that?
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And when all is said and done, when you reach
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: your destination, you take those pants off and they fold
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: out into a blanket. There. Why not? What's wrong with you?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with you?
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I don't need picnics in the first place. The pant sounds.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Let me give you a minute to think about it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: I've thought about it for fifteen minutes since the last
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: time your phone.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: You will regret this for the rest of.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Your life, maybe all regret it one day, but not now. Okay,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: image enjoyed it for the evening, and good luck with
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: all your pants selling and stuff.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a minute to think about it. I'll
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: call you back. I'll call you back.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Bye.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: No, that wasn't a minute, now, guys, did you think
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: about it?
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: That wasn't a minute. Bye?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: If you're going for a hour. An Yoh, I'm disappointed.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Why that you're not interested in my products?
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Who am I talking to now?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Wicked Simpson?
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: No man thought about Yeah, I'm going to strip my
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: mood now. Thanks very much.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You please buy my picnic pants. Thank you, Alvaine. Ah,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Yes that tune. It's KF in Mornings twenty sixth of
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: May eight twenty three. Good morning, beautiful wast thing case
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Bruce holds me in the range the way it is
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: here on k FM Morning. So I think the Lurgi
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: has entered our system as well. Oh, nobody's safe. Yeah,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: our studios playing up now too, clitching. Everyone pack it up.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Let's Hibernate come back in September. What is happening sounds
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: like a play? Some comments here from the brank this morning.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: D And that was good.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: That was classic.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: You almost got him. I could feel it was about
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: to crack. Yes, it's almost keep on going. You're gonna sell,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: You're gonna sell.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: God is it so hilarious?
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Luckily I'm just pulled into the driveway at work because
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: I was kiddy dar and brother, can you answer me honestly,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: how much time and if you put in into developing
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: this characters and this products because you can see there's
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: serious thought been put into this.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Franks, He's, well, oh no, you believe it. There's a
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: lot of work that goes on behind the scenes. You
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: know what, if you don't want my pants, I'm going
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to flog them on t Very persistent you are, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: you don't break character, which is very impressive. That's probably
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: that's where the skill is. Yeah, wow, you can drag
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: this out. I've been doing it a long time.