Latest / Council of Kings / Is Spirituality B******t? — Raw Venting After Vomiting

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Is Spirituality B******t? — Raw Venting After Vomiting · Council of Kings

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: What's up everybody?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Coming with the raw diary entry today.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm been deathly ill today.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just woke up with some kind of awful stomach.
• 0:13
  Flew and vomited a few times and then just been feeling like
• 0:20
  death for hours.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Barely move.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of pain throughout the body and
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: yeah,
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: feel a lot of emotions have come through,
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: like feeling broken,
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: abandoned,
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: lost,
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: like,
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: like an imposter and afraid,
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: betrayed.
• 0:49
  And like,
• 0:50
  I,
• 0:51
  like,
• 0:51
  I'm just,
• 0:53
  just a guy who's in pain and,
• 0:56
  and wants a hug.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And, um,
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's something really medicinal about that rawness of that.
• 1:11
  I'm not trying to say that all those feelings are final or
• 1:19
  express some final truth
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: about me or something,
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: but it definitely feels like there's a purge taking place today.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's feelings coming through that
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of spirituality is bullshit.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of it is parlor tricks that give you hits of bliss,
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: hits of a high,
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: carrot on the horizon,
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: promises of some glorious enlightenment,
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: and...
• 1:57
  it can easily become another form of addiction where we just
• 2:00
  chase the next hit of
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: bliss or insight and we become disconnected from our actual humanity,
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: our human bodies,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: our human hearts.
• 2:11
  This earth and the way that this earth is calling out for care
• 2:18
  for real men and
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: women with real hearts who care deeply and
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just deeply want to be there for people and animals and everything.
• 2:35
  Just feeling wary of gurus and teachers in this moment and
• 2:46
  feeling somewhat
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: disgusted by the way that I've
• 2:55
  played the teacher,
• 2:57
  played the guru for the last 12 or 13 years to varying degrees.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I started writing large amounts about spirituality 12,
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: 13 years ago and have done so since that time.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I have such a powerful mind.
• 3:21
  that can conjure up all these insights and flowery phrasings
• 3:25
  and frameworks and
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: systems and pointers and ways of evoking whatever,
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: whatever life really is.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, what's it all worth?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: What do I really know?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a big distraction in a sense.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Distraction from the very,
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: very simple,
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: ordinary human love that we are asked to give one another.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Something so simple, so ordinary, just true care.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: We run away from that with everything we've got.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us, not all of us.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Run away from it and look for something better.
• 4:24
  Look for fireworks and flashbang grenades and revelation and
• 4:32
  mysticism and
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: enlightenment and illumination.
• 4:40
  What if it's all a bunch of hocus pocus at the end of the day
• 4:46
  to a great extent?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: What if simple,
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: ordinary human love and care,
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: true kindness,
• 5:00
  truly being there for each other is worth more than all the
• 5:06
  mystical treatises and
• 5:07
  all the parlor tricks of the gurus and all the astral travels
• 5:15
  and all this
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: nonsense?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I'm not trying to make these feelings final.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just,
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: just ventilating,
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: just purging from a place of a lot of,
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: a lot of rawness,
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: a lot of pain,
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: a lot of literal physical vomiting earlier today,
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: and just feeling barely able to move,
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: feeling hot,
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: feverish all over my body,
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  SPEAKER_00: and
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it just feels like a big purge.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I get the sense that it's healthy,
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: what's happening,
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: and it's grounding,
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: it's humbling,
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: and I have said thank you today.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, life.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, God.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Christ.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, mystery of love, mystery of being for this
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: humbling experience and truly pray that it makes me a better man.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Better father, better husband, a better son and brother, more generous,
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: true, true servant of love.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: Christ was with me today.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Christ was the only, the only presence that felt truly right today.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: And
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: I just felt like a humble, humble child.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: A humble man on his knees and lying on his back.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I actually went to my knees at any point today.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Just been barely able to get up.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I listened to a lot of Christ music, Christ focused music and
• 8:57
  And I saw him and felt him with me as his face and body shining
• 9:07
  forth from a
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: luminous cross of pure white light coming down from the heavens.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't need to...
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to universalize that.
• 9:31
  I don't need to invalidate other paths and other other
• 9:38
  religions and other ways of
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: relating to life.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: But it was another powerful reminder that Christ is really
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: the medicine that I need most deeply and primarily at this time,
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: just humble faith,
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: devotion,
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: service to his love.
• 10:07
  That's what feels the most real and the most true when I feel
• 10:18
  that unconditional
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: love shining from him like the center of the sun.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what feels the most true for me.
• 10:29
  And so that's what I lean on in the moments where shit hits the
• 10:39
  fan and I just feel
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: relegated to pile of mud on the floor.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Pray to Christ.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just like my ancestors did.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Just like my beautiful parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: We pray to Christ and it gets us through.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's where I come from.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I feel you here with me.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.