Latest / We Talk Back / Happy Wife Pt. 2 with Jameela Mallett

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Happy Wife Pt. 2 with Jameela Mallett · We Talk Back

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network. Talk, talk, talk to them.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: We're just two unapologetically Black women with an opinion who
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: talk back.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Hey everybody, it's me, Tam Van.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Welcome to a new episode of We Talk Back.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: I love y'all. Oh wait, this shit dedicated to you lovers.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: And what else, AJ?
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Fuckers. Fuckers. I don't know, child. If you got a
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: man for the holidays, I'm jealous. Okay.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Me too.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: This is my ninth year not having a Valentine. Like
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I got gifts and shit, but I ain't have like
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: no real man, you know?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So niggas just dropping shit off the day before? That's
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: what you're saying?
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: No, fuck you, bitch.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Fuck you. I know what you're implying. Put this shit
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: in the mail.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: I'm getting flowers in the mail. Either they're not in
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: the same state as me or they want to be
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: with me, but it ain't nobody I want to be with.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Girl, you about to fuck up all your blessings. Don't
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: be saying that on here, what you be doing and
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: how you be getting shit from different people. You fuck
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: around and get nothing now.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Well, Valentine's Day already passed with this.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Drop, so.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: I already got it.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: Ha ha, got you niggas.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Psycho joke.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: No, I just don't have like a solid boo thing
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: again for Valentine's Day.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not really mad about it. It's all right. I mean,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like the last couple holidays I didn't have anybody,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: but previous years I had some shit going on. But
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I am celebrating freedom, bitch. Free at last.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: Okay? Okay.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: That's how I feel.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: My sister bought herself a bouquet of roses. I was like, oh,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: that's so beautiful. I admire the self-love. I'm going to
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: talk about you on the show. She's like, bitch, don't
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: say that on the show. I'm going to tell people
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: a nigga bought me these. Sorry, Taya.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I always buy myself flowers. I love fresh flowers. Okay.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I love flowers too, but I don't like to buy
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: them for myself. I honestly don't like to buy anything
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: for myself.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: There's that part. The fuck?
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I would prefer other people to buy it.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Sam's Club got the best flowers. If y'all want to
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: buy y'all old ladies some nice flowers weekly, go to
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Sam's Club. Y'all Sam's Club card. Or yourself. You know,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: get a Sam's Club card. What we got going on
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: for stupid... Oh shit, did I skip our weekends?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's part of stupid internet news is
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: the weekend. the Super Bowl let's just get into the
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Super Bowl like that was everybody's weekend I think.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Did you do any Super Bowl party I.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Did I went to one of my good friends her
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: mom's house and they had a shindig going on with
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: all the food and all the people it was cool
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: did you go to.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: One hell no I was right at the house I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: made me some ceviche at the house.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Ceviche for a Super Bowl wow you're supposed to have
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: meat oh you don't eat none of.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: That exactly so let me get my seafood please thank.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: You A vegan meatball weak as hell.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And I did watch the whole game. You know, that's
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: really the only time I watch football is to watch
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the Super Bowl so I can see how they cheat.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Really, that's the only game you watch?
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: I'll watch if I'm like with a man and he
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: want to watch. I'll get into it, you know? But
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I don't just be sitting at my house cracking open
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: a brewski and.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: Turning on the game.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: In a glizzy. No.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: No.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: Who would you go for? I was saying a little
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: stupid shit at.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: The party, like, so who's the white team and who's
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: the red team?
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: On purpose, like, trying to make it sound like I
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: don't know.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Girl, I literally bet some ass that 49ers was going
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: to win. I ain't give up no ass, though. But
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I asked who wanted to give up some ass for
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: the 49ers. Who wanted to bet some boonkey?
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: And somebody took your bet?
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Yep. Had a few takers.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: And then after the 49ers loss, I was like, I
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: wasn't the one giving up Bunkie. I was asking who
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: wanted to give up some Bunkie for the bets.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: But if they give up some Bunkie, ain't you got
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: to give up some Bunkie to get the Bunkie they
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: giving up?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: No, they could have told me what they wanted their
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: prize to be. That was my prize.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: Some Bunkie from them.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: But that means some bookie from you.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Do you realize that, right? I lost the bet to
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: about 20 people. Bend that ass over. Let that koochie breathe.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Body count about to be stupid for the 9-9 and
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: the 24.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: So let's get into the scene.
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: Usher. Usher.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: The whole Super Bowl was the Usher show as far
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: as I'm concerned.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I love Usher.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: How'd you feel about his performance?
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I thought his performance was very good. I love the
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: part when he took his fucking shirt off. Okay. I'm like,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Usher's making niggas get in the gym. Okay.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: People were trying to say it wasn't all of that.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: This nigga roller skated, danced. No, the performance. Danced, sang,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: had strippers. CeeLo and Jermaine Dupri came out. Her.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: The weird part about it, I had never seen this
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: based on previous halftime shows. People comparing the current halftime
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: to previous years. I was seeing Michael Jackson halftime. Why
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: are y'all comparing Usher to Michael Jackson halftime? in Prince
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: halftime performance like what is really happening.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Well those are like greats when you're being compared to
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: the greats then that says a lot so I don't
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: know why the expectation was so high for Usher but
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I feel like he delivered I don't know what the
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: fuck he's talking about he brought the A to the
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: world I never seen strippers look so wholesome. You know,
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: like they was up there like, you know. Those were
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: the most family friendly strippers I've ever seen in my
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: entire life.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Why black men be so mad and ready to rag
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: on another black man over their fucking wives? So now
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: everybody saw how Usher was on, had his dick on.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Alicia Keys booty.
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I thought it was innocent. We see people who are
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: married to other people entertain all the time. Why all
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: of a sudden is a problem when Usher does it?
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Because, let me tell you why it's a problem.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Because Kiki Palmer and that other man had that whole
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: issue after Usher was dancing with Kiki. So now everybody
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: watching Usher to make sure he don't break up no
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: more happy homes.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: But we know this nigga a terrorist. I feel like
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: he get a pass, right?
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: He do get a pass. Swiss was like, it's okay.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: You can grind my bitch. I don't care.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: You usher, nigga. And she looking like she was enjoying it, too. Like,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: she remembered that meet. Because remember they used to date.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: You got to be real secure to let a woman's
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: ex-dude grind her for the world to see and still
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: be okay.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: They're very secure in their marriage.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so apparently him and his longtime girlfriend, Usher
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: and his longtime girlfriend, had just locked in a marriage
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: certificate right before the Super Bowl. So he's getting married.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Or he's married. Shit. Essentially, right?
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's married. They're both married.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: One thing about it, he's a swinger.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying they were swinging on stage when
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: he was rubbing his dick up against Alicia Keys' booty.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: One thing about it, boy, I should keep a bitch.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Despite what that doctor say.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: He keep a low-key one, too. don't do that we
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: had a good halftime show don't do that.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Despite what them testers all say I should keep him
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: a low one okay.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: He's Usher he can do what he want.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: I wish that I wish her could have been on
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: stage longer I wish it was like a Usher show
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: you know Usher.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Right right she was just there so he can do
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: his wardrobe change that's really what.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: It was she played the fuck out of that guitar
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: I think that was pre-recorded.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Do you think that was live? Her playing?
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I hope it was live. I don't know.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: Everything else was live. They ain't pre-recorded Alicia Keys. We
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: know that.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Had to be live. This shows us exactly how the
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: fuck media does us. So we just supposed to forget
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that we heard that fucked up note? And y'all going
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: to replace this shit in post-production?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: We remember. I ain't mad.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I would have called them as soon as I got
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: on stage. Y'all make sure y'all edit that shit before
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: it go out to the masses. I know they heard
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: it the first time, but fuck that. For the people
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: who didn't hear it, they going to hear it right.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Like we be texting Taylor like, bitch, can you take
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: this out? I thought about it.
• 9:12
  Speaker 6: Edit that shit out.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I thought about it. Probably shouldn't say that.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: That note was terrible. And I feel like the Usher
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: shit was the least of Alicia Keys worried. That first
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: fucking note nearly killed her.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: It was bad. But I give her a pass because
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: she sound good usually. But who knows? All them shits
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: might have been edited too.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Is Alicia Keys a singer though? The same way they
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: be ragging on J-Lo. I feel like Alicia Keys is
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: very musically inclined when it comes to making music. But
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: is she really a singer?
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: She sound good at Tiny Desk.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I never listened to that.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: She sound good.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I want to put her.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: I feel like she be singing on that piano, child. Sometimes.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Except for Sunday. We love you, Alicia.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Then here come Beyonce like, oh, y'all thought y'all was
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: doing something? How about this?
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: And niggas pulling out cowboy boots and hats and everything
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: right at the Super Bowl.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Beyonce is a fucking Virgo. When I say that bitch
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: is selfish, she is selfish as a motherfucker. Like, why
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: you couldn't let Usher have his moment?
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: Why you dropped two new songs?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Let that man have his damn moment.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: She did a proposal at Usher wedding. That's like somebody
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: getting engaged at somebody else's wedding.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Yes. Girl, like, It's cool, though. I feel like we're
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: taking it as a shit on Usher, but maybe it
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: was like a shit on the whole Super Bowl. Because
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure people was tuning in to whatever she
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: had going on after that. After her commercial dropped, two
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: minutes later, she dropped two whole songs.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Two songs.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: And here come my sister calling me in the middle
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: of the workday talking about, You want to learn how
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: to line dance?
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Bitch, get off my phone.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Beyonce said, y'all motherfuckers ain't trying to give me this
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: goddamn best album award.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I got something for y'all ass.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: I got something for y'all. But I am going to
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: try to learn how to line dance. Whichever TikToker make it.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: But please don't make it like that to me or shit.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Fucking mathematical ass shit. I would have learned this.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: One that day. Remember that video we had from that
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: fucking party we hosted? I'm going to post that shit, bitch,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: because we was killing it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: Don't post that. It looked like I was getting crossed
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: up on the basketball court.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like we was killing it. I don't know
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: about you, bitch.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: You was killing me, bitch.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: All you got to do is point your finger and spin.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Girl, you was doing it wrong too. We look like
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: we had epilepsy.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Drunk.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Let's go to something else.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So Beyonce, apparently some people was calling into this local
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: country station requesting them to play her new songs and
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: they like had to put a whole statement out about
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: how they don't fuck with that nigger bitch.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: No, so they sent an email back saying that we
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: don't play Beyonce.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: This is a country music station.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: And then all the Beyonce fans went crazy and was
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: like calling, calling, calling. So then they had to put
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: a statement out saying like, we love Beyonce and we
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: hope these songs do well. And so forth and so forth.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Like we're going to play it if it's country. We
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: just basically didn't know it was country music.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: But do they sound country? They sound kind of R &
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: B- ish to me.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: They don't sound... That song that you played earlier, the
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Daddy song?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: My daddy said, shoot. That sound more country. Yeah, that
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: sound more country to me.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: And actually, there was a singer, a country singer doing
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: a cover of that recently.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: But let me tell you who in their country bag,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: and they sound really good in their country bag, K.
• 12:54
  Speaker 6: Michelle.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know if y'all heard her country music, but
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: she doing the damn thing.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: So that's another thing because people was trying to say, oh,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Beyonce ain't letting K. Michelle shine. And K. Michelle was like,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I don't got no problem with that. Like, why do
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: we feel like as black people, like there's not enough
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: space For all of us. You know what I'm saying? Like, K.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Michelle can do that. But technically, if you listen to Lemonade,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Beyonce had that Daddy's Lesson song been out there. You
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? To me, that's more country than
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: these two new songs. I don't see what the problem is. Like,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: why y'all?
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Me neither.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know, child.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: There's always something. There's always something, child. They always got
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: to pit us against each other. But y'all definitely go
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: check out K. Michelle country music.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: It's really good.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because she, what is the country awards show?
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, the country music awards.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she performed this year, or 2023. Mm-hmm. K. Michelle performed, so. Mm-hmm,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: she did. I guess Beyonce said, man, fuck that. I'm
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: coming for them awards next year. We'll see, because this
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: is supposed to be like an extension of Renaissance. So
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: this is Renaissance 2.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Act 2.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 13:59
  Speaker 6: Act 2.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just kind of grateful because all that shit
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I bought to wear to the Renaissance tour, I can
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: bring that shit out for one more time and have
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: a reason to wear that shit again because what the
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: fuck I'm going to do with this shit, this hat
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: and all this shit that I had.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: But that's different though because wasn't she having people dress
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: like astronauts? So now you're going to be country.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: But it was like rodeo too. It was rodeo kind of.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Like with the hats and the boots and all that
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: stuff that people had.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: So if you bought some of that, you can mix
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: and match.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Lord, y'all.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely, as much as them tickets was last year,
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have to wear the shit I had
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: last year because I can't afford another one.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Shame. Y'all keep giving that lady y'all money. A headache.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Usher on tour, too, and his tickets in Charlotte, I
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: was like, mm. I'm going to have to pray about that.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Usher, you ain't tired. Nigga, you just had that long-ass
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: residency in Vegas. You just did the Super Bowl, and
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: now you going on tour?
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Shit.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Tax man after that ass, obviously.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Y'all, let's get into our baddie for this week for February.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Y'all know we try to, you know, give a little
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: shout out to people who make impressions on the culture
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: then and now. And this week, we want to talk
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: about SZA, okay? Because SZA is on motherfucking fire. SZA
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: did take home a few Grammys two weeks ago. And
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: right now, SZA is also celebrating S.O.S., Her last album
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: becoming the first album by a black female artist to
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: spend over a year in the top 10 on the
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Billboard 200 chart. Okay. I'm still listening to Control.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Like it came out yesterday. SZA makes some real timeless music.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Like she's one of my favorite R & B artists.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: She sounds so good. She be having me and my
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: feelings though. I'll be like waking up happy.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: I put on SZA. I'll be like, I don't know.
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: No.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's. I don't think SZA music
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: don't make me feel like that. She has a way of...
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Her music has a way of taking fucked up shit,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: but you become the hero by the end of the song.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: It's good, but I don't know. Sometimes the mood in
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: the song be melancholy, you know? And it just affect
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: my spirit a little bit.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: I love it, though. Don't get me wrong, because sometimes
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: that's the mood I want.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I didn't feel like that with S.O.S. I don't feel
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: like I feel like that with the songs off of control.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: It just... It'd be fun. Fun songs. Fun songs about
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: fucked up shit. Like, I'm never going back to the
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: strip club. Never going back. I don't know. I like it.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Shout out to SZA, y'all. SZA is our baddie who
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: talks big.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Y'all, we got another wife, the happiest wife.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: This is part two. And it's exciting. It's Lovers Week.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: We'll be right back, y'all.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: All right, guys, I don't know if you listened last week,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: but we had a guest on talking about being the
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: happiest wife. And we had to come back with a
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: part two because it was just so good. So today
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: we have Jamila Watkins Mallet on. I found her Instagram.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: She was one of the ladies that was like, I
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: am the happiest wife. She didn't have to be tagged.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: She said it for herself. She's the owner and operator
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: of Jamila Divine Interiors and Lifestyle. She's a designer that
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: was on Married to Real Estate on HGTV. She's a
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: realtor at Indigo Road Realty, and she is a graduate
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: of Spelman University.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: And she's a happy wife, okay?
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Most importantly. I am. Thank y'all for having me.
• 17:40
  Speaker 6: Yes, girl.
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: Thank you for joining us. We appreciate you.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: I know you was like, who is this random lady
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: in my DMs talking about my marriage?
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: You know, I forgot all about that. I was just
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: chiming in. and then I was like oh okay I
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: mean that works.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah so Jamila tell us what makes you the happiest.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Wife I am the happiest wife because my husband allows
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: me to be me um he gives me grace to
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: grow um and he supports me he supports everything as
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: you can see like just what you said, like I'm a,
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: I'm a designer, I'm a real estate agent. Um, I'm
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: on TV. I'm also a mom of an eight year old.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry. He's nine now. He'll be mad. Like give
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: me my year, a nine year old. He just turned nine. And, um,
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: and two bonus sons who are in high school. So
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: I have a lot, a lot going on and he's
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: extremely supportive and gracious, um, with me through everything that
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: I'm doing. And because I've been through a lot in
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: my life, he's just been someone who doesn't allow me
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: to use my traumas as a crutch, but to, you know,
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: overcome that victimhood and just really stand in who I am.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: I feel like he sees me for exactly who I am,
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: not who he wants me to be, not who social
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: media is. thinks that I am, like he sees me
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: for me and he accepts that. And so it allows
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: me to grow and flourish and show up the best
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: way that I can every single day.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: How did you guys meet?
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: So I met him. It's funny because I met him
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: maybe 12 years ago. My friend used to work at
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: his barbershop.
• 19:47
  Speaker 5: He's a barber.
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: And we met very briefly but if you let him
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: tell it when we met I wasn't paying him any
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: mind he said that I was trapping I was not
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: trapping I was doing hair he said I was trapping
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: because I had two phones and so he came to
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: the car and said she introduced him to me and
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: I didn't even look up Like, I know that I
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: met him. I talked to him, but I didn't see
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: him because I didn't look up because I was working
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: on two phones. Mine was like 18 at the time.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: Trapping bundles and doing sew-ins and all of that. And
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: so we met very briefly, 12, you know, 12. It
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: could be more than that now. I keep saying 12.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: I was saying that when we first met, so maybe
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: 14 years ago. And so fast forward now. My sister,
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: who I had just met, long, long story, like I
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: found out my dad was not my dad. And then
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: I found out I had all these siblings and I
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: met my sister and she was already planning to move
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: to Atlanta because she had, you know, she was a
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: barber as well. So she started to work in his
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: shop and she introduced us because when she came in town,
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: we all went bowling with my niece, her daughter. my
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: friend and her son and me and my son, we
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: went bowling. And so he came with his son just
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: to hang out. And so when I, when I met
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: him now, mind you, and he doesn't like when I
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: say this, he won't, he won't agree to it. My
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: sister told, he was looking for an interior designer. My
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: sister was like, Oh, my sister's an interior designer. Here's
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: her page. I, followed up because I'm a follow up
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: with you. Oh, you looking for, yeah. So I slid
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: in his DM, sent him all my credentials and all
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: of that. And he left me on read. So I
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: had a bone to pick with him. When I saw him,
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I messaged you and you left me on read.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: I don't remember meeting him though. So I don't know
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: him as far as I'm concerned. I don't know him
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: and he doesn't know me. And so he's just like
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: looking in my eyes. like real deep, like while I'm
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: talking to him, I'm like, hello, you left me on read.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: And like, he's still just like looking at me. And
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: so I'm like, I start getting entrapped in this gaze.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: He's like got these light honey brown eyes. He's just
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: doing a lot. He got the little head, like he,
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: he got everything I like going on. so I'm trying
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: to focus and so I see where this is going
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: and I told him it's either going to be business
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: or it's going to be pleasure because I'm picking up
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: what you're putting down right now so let's go ahead
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: because I don't do both and so this is all
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: probably within like three minutes like that's how he was
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: doing a lot he was doing a whole lot so
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: I put my number in his phone no, he put
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: his number in my phone and his name came up.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, like, I don't know why your number's
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: in my phone. And I'm like, maybe I wanted to,
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: cause I cut my hair a lot. And I'm like,
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I like, I'm not a creep. I don't
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: know why your number's in my phone. Like, I just
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: don't understand. So we're trying to walk it back. Like,
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: how do we know each other? I'm like, maybe I
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: wanted to get a haircut. Cause I cut my hair
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: all the time. And he's like, one of the best
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: in the city, and he is, if not the best.
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: And I'm not just saying that. And so we figured
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: out that it was my friend that worked in his shop,
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: and la-da-da-da-da, because he used to really look out for her,
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: and I used to look out for her as well.
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: And so I'm that mom friend. So I'm like, send
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: me the number of who you're with. I've always been
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: that way. Send me who you're going to be around.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Who is this? So I had his number in my
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: phone forever, thanks to Apple, because you know them contacts
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: stay for life. And so literally that night after the
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: bowling alley, I went home and we were texting and
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: we met up that night. I dropped my son off
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: And my sister and my niece and they stayed at
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: the house and I went to his house and we
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: talked like for it felt like forever. It's probably two hours,
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: but it felt like forever. And we were inseparable ever since.
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: And what year was that? 2021.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: OK, so y'all got together during COVID.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: Well, it was right after COVID. COVID was 2020. 2020.
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: It was spring 2021. So, you know, we were all outside,
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: even though we weren't supposed to.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Atlanta ain't never been inside.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: Especially Atlanta.
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: It never shut down.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: What is a COVID?
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: What is a COVID?
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: I don't know what that is. Yeah, we was outside.
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: No mask. No mask.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: So how did, like, how did he propose? Like, what
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: was the, how did he know he was ready for marriage?
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: How did you know you.
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: Were ready for marriage?
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: Like, So we both were married before. So, um, he
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: had gotten divorced a few years ago. I was just
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: getting divorced actually. And I just wasn't in a rush
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: to like be in another relationship, but I knew that
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: from the moment that I met him, that I wanted
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: to be with him. Um, literally probably that week we
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: was exchanging. I love you. Like, We just knew. But
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: I wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: I've never been that person of like, what is this?
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: What are we doing? I just haven't. And so I
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: think that was April we met. In August, we were
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: at home. We were at my house hanging out. And
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: he just asked me to marry him with no ring.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: either so I thought he was just talking you know
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: so the next morning when we woke up I was
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: like you know you asked me to marry you right
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: he was like yes and we're gonna go get your
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: ring because I want you to pick it out because
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: he knows me like I'm I'm all about I'm very
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: particular with aesthetics and stuff so I guess he was
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: like I'm not gonna stress myself out and you act
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: like you like this ring you.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Don't so that's a good man so we went and
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: we were right right Right.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: So, and that was new to me and he didn't
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: get on one knee or nothing. He, we were just
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: laying in bed and he asked me, now I give
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: you the premise that we were both married before. So
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: I guess both of us are, we're just, we don't
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: need the big balloon arch with the marquee letters and
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: the pedals in the hallway and the videographer and the
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: this and that, like, I don't need it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: Um, and he knows that about me as well. Like
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: we're just kind of To the point people. But I
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: really thought he was playing because there was no ring.
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: You didn't get on one knee. So when he did
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: get my ring, I already had it on. I took
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: it off. I said, okay, now you got to get
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: on one knee.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: You got to ask him.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: Very, very, very raggedy. Not the most romantic musical engagement story.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Not very ready these wives be tripping y'all.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah it wasn't like you know not all of that
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: so that that's our engagement story and then I guess
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: like a month later we just started planning a wedding
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: and then we got married so we got engaged in
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: August of 2021 and and we got married of September 2020.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Three-month engagement. Well, not even three months. You guys met
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: in April, got engaged in August, and married....
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: September of the next year.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: September 2020.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: So it was about 18 months.
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: What do you enjoy best about, like, what do you
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: enjoy most about being married?
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: I like having a partner and having... It's the support
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: and the partnership, which is something that I had to,
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: let me take that back. I mean, that is a
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: good thing. It's a great thing. But what I enjoy
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: most about marriage is like learning about myself. Because, you know,
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: people will tell you that marriage is like holding a mirror.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: And so he's 10 years older than me as well.
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: So I learned a lot from him, which is different
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: because I feel like in past relationships, I was the
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: one always teaching. And so it is an adjustment to
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: be with somebody who has that wisdom. Sometimes they could
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: be older, but still be childish. So it's not really
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: about age, but the way that he communicates, the way
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: that he lives his life, he's very disciplined. And so
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: for me, and he's a creative but he showed me
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: that just because you're creative doesn't mean that you cannot
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: have structure and so he's taught me structure he's taught
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: me accountability um not making excuses like accountability is like
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: a big thing And so that's something that, yeah, it's
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: something I had to adjust because I've always been, and
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: I've like changed this over time intentionally. I was always
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: like the smartest one in the room. That's a bad thing.
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: You know, that's not a good thing. I was always
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: kind of the leader in every situation, whether it's like
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: a relationship. I won't say a relationship because my previous marriage,
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: I wasn't necessarily smart. the leader, but like in friendships
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: and business and all of that. And I realized how
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: much that was holding me back. So having to like
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: learn how to humble myself has been a big thing.
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: And I think when you're like a really high functioning
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: woman and you've achieved a lot, you don't know how
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: to take a backseat. We always say that we want
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: somebody to take the reins and take the backseat, but
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: our defense mechanisms and our trauma will not allow us
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: to do it. Yep. And so it's a real thing.
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: It's not that easy to sit back and let somebody
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: take the reins. However, you don't just get the reins
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: just because you're the man.
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: He showed me consistently that he was a leader and
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: a provider. His number one thing was making sure that
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: me and my son were comfortable. Notice I said me
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: and my son. Mm-hmm. At his house, he had an
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: extra room. He said, get the bed. Mind you, this
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: is like, we met in April. This was May. He
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: switched his mattress to the mattress that I like.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: You want to make sure you keep coming back.
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: He went and got all my feminine products, all the
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: honey pot. Hey, honey pot. Make sure he had that
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: at the house for me. gave me his credit card
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: to go get my son a bed and a mattress.
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: He had a PS4, no, PS5 at his dad's house.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: So he wanted to make sure that he had a
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: PS5 at my house. I mean, at his house. He's
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: just done all the things to show me that I
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: could trust him. And so I did. But where I
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: think a lot of women mess up is that there
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: are good men out there and they.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Will show you.
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: But we look at it like, uh-uh, what you want
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: from me? Like, why are you doing all of this?
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: It's like, what do you mean crazy? Like, I'm doing
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: this because I see that there is a need. Like,
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: I'm doing this, but I think women are too focused on,
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: you know, is he giving me stacks of cash, Birkin bags?
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: And it's starting early now. Like my, my sons in
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: high school, these girls really want them, want these little
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: boys to buy them purses. Like what?
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: Like designer bags?
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: This boy is on a meal plan. Talking about doing
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: her bag.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: It's y'all millennial parents fault. Cause y'all be rich as
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: hell with these damn kids.
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: I didn't have no designer clothes.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Nothing. I barely had Nikes until I started babysitting to
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: buy my first pair.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: I asked my friend the other day, what was it
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: that we were requiring from boys in high school? And
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: I just was like.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Now, you had to have a car to fuck with me, okay?
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: You got to be able to bring.
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: In high school?
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Yes. I wasn't talking to people in high school. That's
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: the problem.
• 33:44
  Speaker 6: I wasn't either.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: I wasn't either.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: You had to be able to bring.
• 33:49
  Speaker 6: Me some lunch money, okay?
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Where I messed up was having a car still was
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: not a requirement.
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: I had a car.
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: And I was giving niggas gas money. And I said it. Trash.
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: Trash behavior. I told you I was all the way
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: at the top. Raggedy. Very much raggedy.
• 34:14
  Speaker 6: Like, what? Like, I can't even.
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: I can't even. I just, I had life. really messed
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: up and misconstrued. And I learned over time, like I
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: was on my journey before I met him, but he
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: kind of just showed me like, no, you can't do
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: it like this.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: So one of the questions I was trying to ask
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: our last guest, because I think that how people are
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: raised does reflect on, you know, how they view relationships,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: how they view marriage. what kind of, you know, without
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: going to going into super detail, like what kind of, uh,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: family background has he come from?
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: So he, um, he was born in Jamaica. Um, he
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: came over here and he was, yeah. So that, that
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: kind of answers a lot of questions like, Oh, okay.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Got it.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: So he was born in Jamaica. He came to America
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: when he was nine. Um, he was raised by his
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: stepdad and his mom. when they got to the States,
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: but he had, you know, there were some, a lot
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: of trials and tribulations and without, you know, just saying
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: too much, he didn't have a childhood. Like when we
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: talk about cartoons or things that kids would do like that,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: you know, back when he was growing up, he can't relate.
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: because he was driving trucks and he was working and
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: he was like really doing hard work, like driving a
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: truck at like 10. Oh, wow. Like without a CDL.
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: No CDL.
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: That's about right.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I got three jobs. That's about right. Yeah. Yeah.
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: So he, he doesn't, he knows how to provide. That's
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: all he really knows how to do. I think that
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: like he, he, he showed me how to have fun
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: as well, but I think that I've showed him how
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: to like relax and enjoy life a little bit more.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: So he gave me the discipline. I gave him, you know, the,
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: like the relaxation, like take care of yourself, like slow down.
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: Like it's okay.
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: So that's how he, that's how he grew up. So he,
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: Is a very, like, no-nonsense person, like, to the max.
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: What's his sign?
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: He's a Leo. Last day of Leo, cusp of Virgo.
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: Oh, shit, yeah.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: And he was born in Jamaica and raised in Queens.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: What's your sign?
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: I'm an Aries.
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: So does he have.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Strong masculine head of household energy? Because Virgo men sometimes
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: are very toxic masculine. to the point where it's just
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: like too strong sometimes.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: You think so?
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: Sometimes, yeah.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I think Virgos are pimps, the men and women.
• 37:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, their pimp.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Energy is very strong, almost toxic masculinity, you know, like
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: very traditional roles and things like that.
• 37:39
  Speaker 4: So he's not, he's actually not like that. I think
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: we're the Virgo because Virgos are planners. Like they say
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: the best wedding planners and all of that are Virgos.
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: He is like very organized and a planner. And then
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: the Leo, it's definitely a high, high, high, high level
• 37:59
  Speaker 4: of self-confidence. So to a lot of people, it reads
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: as arrogance because he's very much, I said what I said.
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: But I don't get toxic masculinity. I actually enjoy it
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: because it's refreshing because I think nowadays the roles are
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: like reversing. Like he cuts a lot of women's hair
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: and it's a lot of stories about women being the providers.
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: And like, it's like, we just don't, we don't rock
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: that way. Now, he doesn't really care about traditional roles.
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: We don't do traditional roles, but we do in the
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: sense that the man should provide and have provision. However,
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: he believes that a woman should always have something for herself.
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: So he's really not into having like a housewife type
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: of thing. Yeah. Which I come from that in my
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: previous relationship. I was like a stay at home mom,
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: stay at home wife. I had my businesses and stuff.
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: I've always been an entrepreneur, but it was like a
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: submissive kind of thing. And so I am someone that
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: is just very submissive. Whether or not he values it,
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: I know that it works for the relationship. And we
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: do submit to each other. but I am proudly a
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: submissive wife.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: What does that look like for you to be a
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: submissive wife? Because we talk about that shit all the
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: time and the internet talks about it all the time.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: And like you said, you guys submit to each other.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: That's where I lean more towards. somebody may be better
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: at something. This person may be better at something, you know,
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: so you, you guys waver in that way. But what
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: does it look like for you to be a submissive wife?
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: So I take care, I take care of the house.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: Like to me, that is my job to make sure
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: that the house is stocked, to make sure that I cook. He,
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: he actually doesn't, want me to do all of that
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: because I have so many things going on in business
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: he wants me to like relax a little bit but
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: it's a double-edged sword because we can't keep eating out
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: because I'm trying to unbig this back so it's in
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: the best interest yes it's in the best interest of
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: of everybody that we eat at home but I enjoy
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: cooking for my family like if I don't get to
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: cook for them um It starts to make me sad, like,
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: because I really love to care for my family. Like,
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: the boys have color-coded towels. Like, these are your towels,
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: these are your towels, these are your towels. However, I
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: don't do, like, he told me not to do laundry.
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: So I do my laundry. I do my son's laundry
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: because he's eight, but everybody else does their own laundry.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: I do clean most of the time, but that's because
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: he's at work. Most of the time I'm flexible because
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: I'm here, there, everywhere with my job. So I try
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: to stay on top of the cleaning. However, I am
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: getting to a point now where I am like, it's
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: about to be delegation nation because I can't do it anymore.
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: So I'm picking the things that I can do while
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: still balancing work. But I guess another way that I'm
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: submissive is I let him make. the big decisions. We consult,
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: but the default is that he's going to make the
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: decisions for the family and what we're doing. Go ahead.
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: Let me ask you this.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: So in the instance that you don't really agree with
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: the decision, you'll still allow him to make that decision
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: for the family?
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: I think at that point, if it's something where... we
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: need to do that. We'll have a conversation about it.
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: But he's going to get the final word.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: And I feel like that ain't through with me yet.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: Cause baby, that is so hard for me right there.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: But if it makes sense, if.
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: It makes sense, I, I just trust him because everything
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: that he does, he's very calculated in everything. And for me,
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: I know that my strong suit, like I'm a big
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: picture person. He's a fine detail person. He's a detail
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: oriented person. So if it's something I'm looking at the
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: big picture, I'm like, we should definitely just do this.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: And he was like, no, because of this. But I
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: also have a very short attention span.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: So I'm just like, whatever.
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: Like, you know, we just going to see where the
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: chips fall. But he has not, he has not led
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: us astray yet. We're going on three years being together
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: and He has not led us astray. I'm always looking
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: at a track record. And I am somebody that takes risks.
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: I take risks in business. I take risks in love.
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: And I like to follow God's plan for marriage. I
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: think that it's there for a reason and that people
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: should try it out before they try to change it
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: up and change all the rules because it's not just
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: because the man is just more superior is that God
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: knows our, our capacity for things. He knows as what
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: a woman's capacity is. He knows what a man's capacity is.
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: And if everybody is striving to be like at the
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: top and strive toward that capacity and what they're doing,
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: then I think that the family and the household will,
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: you know, stay afloat and will prosper.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. Co-parenting and things like that.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: You know, y'all will not, I guess it's not co-parenting.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: What would you call it? Y'all have a blended family.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: How does that work? Because he has kids from a
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: previous relationship and you have a son from a previous relationship.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: How's that working?
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I'm going.
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: To just leave them off. I will say this. His
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: ex-wife and myself, we have a very great relationship. She's
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: also remarried. And so our side of the world, me, him,
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: his ex-wife, her husband, the kids, her. So he also
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: has a stepson. His dad and her wife were good.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: On my side, God's still working. I'm going to just
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: say that.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: On your ex-husband, basically.
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah. He's also remarried. It's a work in progress. And
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: it definitely has grown me up and gotten me closer
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: to God in terms of forgiveness, in terms of patience
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: and grace. Because at the end of.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: The day, the.
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: Kids are, you know, are the ones who suffer. And
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: so I have just been working on, regardless of how
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: I feel or how I feel I've been wronged or
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: how he feels he's been wronged or whatever, I have
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: been taking this stance. And I'm not going to say
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: it's been a long time. It's still recent developments, okay?
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: It's very new, like. two weeks ago I'm just playing.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: But you said the kids are the ones who suffer
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: the kids are the ones who suffer most because in
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: my last relationship that bitch took me through it I
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: definitely suffered so the kids suffer most.
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah I mean we suffer too but I have looked
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: at my relationship with my mom and my dad Now
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: I told y'all before, I just found out my dad
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: was not my dad in 2021. And so they both
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: knew that he wasn't my dad. But so there's that
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: trauma there. And this is now, there was already some
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: trauma there. And now there's even more because of these
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: recent developments. And so I'm trying my best. Like, it's
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: my life's work not to F up my kid as
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: much as possible. And I'm still human, so I still
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: want to go off. I still want to get my
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: lit back. But you have to question, like, if you
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: say you love your kid, this is a part of
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: loving your kid. Because people are like, I love my kids,
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: my kids, my kids. But you are hooping and hollering
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: and fighting in front of your kid. You are talking...
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: badly about the other parent you are you know exposing
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: them to things that it might seem like they're okay
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: because kids are very resilient but i'm not trying to
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: have a conversation with you when you're 35 about you
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: did this to me you did that to me you
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: did because i'm gonna have an attitude because i didn't
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: know how we do.
• 47:49
  Speaker 7: Our parents right how we do our parents i'm gonna
• 47:52
  Speaker 7: have a big big attitude with you because do you
• 47:56
  Speaker 7: know what i went through right right But at the
• 48:00
  Speaker 7: end of the day, it doesn't matter to a kid.
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: Like all they know is that what they're, especially when
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: they grow up, like all we know is that we
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: have so much that we went through and now it's
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: blocking us from being able to be like regular functioning adults.
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: Whatever that is.
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: Whatever that is, because what is that? We don't know.
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: At this point.
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: Right. Don't know what that is. We're all in therapy.
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: Everybody's in therapy. From no therapy to everybody's in therapy.
• 48:33
  Speaker 6: Exactly that part.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: Because everybody is not in therapy.
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:37
  Speaker 6: So you got big business.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: You're a big realtor. You have the big.
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Convention.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: No, I don't want to call it home decorating.
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: Interior design.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: You're an interior designer. How do you balance your personal life?
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: Because you still have you, right? And then the union. Um,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: or cause I know some women, they just like be
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: like super codependent on a partner. You don't even talk
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: to them no more once they get a man, honey.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: So how do you balance, you know, your personal life
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: and also having a union or is it one and
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: the same now you don't have a personal life anymore.
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: So I actually have an amazing personal life like I
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: have an amazing social life I'll say that and I
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: had to work toward it because I was I was
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: that wife before where I'm just about my, my family,
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: my husband and my kid, like, no, I can't go
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: to the point. I stopped getting invitations to things. And you,
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: you want to be salty. Like my, like they turn
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: it back on me. No, you just fell off the
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: face of the earth and people had to move on
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: with their life. Don't nobody got time to be babysitting
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: you trying to coach you to come out.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: Right. Um, and.
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So I may, I had to just be intentional.
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: Like I was intentional about, I want like all my friends,
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: like I went from really having no real social life,
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: having a lot of backstabbing friends. Um, we were in
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: my previous marriage, he was like very successful. Everybody was
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: kind of mooching off of him, like sweets at the,
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: at the games, you know, big parties, car service, all
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: of that. So we had a lot of people around
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: us that wanted to be around us just for what
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: they could gain. And so I did have friends and
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: this is what we don't realize is we do have
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: good people around us. We're just too concerned dealing with
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: all of that over there. So luckily by the time
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: I got, I was getting remarried, like I went from
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: literally No real friendship dynamics to 18 women at my
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: bachelorette party.
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: All close friends.
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: Literally. How do you have 18 close friends? I'm trying
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: to wonder the same thing. But these women, they showed
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: up for me. They continue to be my community. We
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: don't all hang out together. I have different pockets of friends.
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: So I have them. They're You know, they're growing in
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: their life. They're getting engaged. They're having kids. So because
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: I had kids so early, because I was married so early,
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: they're experiencing those things now. So we can kind of
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: relate and they can kind of give me grace and
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: understand why I was the way that I was, because
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: it is hard to manage. But having female friendships and
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: having sisterhood is literally like the cheat code.
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: To life.
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: And my husband supports that.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: My husband supports that. It was weird at first. He
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: was like, you're not going out with your friends. I'm like, no,
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: I'm with you. We're going to be together. Like, that
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: was just how my mind works. It's like my man,
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: my man, my man, we do everything together. And he
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: is a little bit older and it used to hurt
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: my feelings at first, but I had to understand like,
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: it's okay to have a life outside of marriage. And
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: he gave me permission to have a life outside of marriage.
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: Like if I have to work late, he's like, that's
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: what you do when you're building a business. It's okay
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: to work late. Like he's not on me because I
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: have to be here. I have to be there. You know,
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: he saw how much he just jumps into help. So
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: instead of ragging on me, he thinks of solutions to
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: help me. Like we had, You know, I'm trying to
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: do all of this. I'm loading my car, hiring, moving
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: services and stuff. He bought me a Sprinter van, a
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: cargo van.
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: And he bought me my personal car literally in the
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: same month, but that's.
• 53:04
  Speaker 6: Not a flex at all.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Glasses back on. What we're hearing is you got to
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: have some money to be a good husband.
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: Okay. I think that it helps. Money helps for sure.
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: But he's not somebody that's going to, He does buy
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: me things, but I don't really value that a whole lot.
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: Like a lot of expensive gifts. I like experiences and
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: I like for things for my business. I like my
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: business to be invested in because I have a lot
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: that I want to do. So that's where that support,
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: where I started off by saying like the best thing
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: about marriage is like the support. That is what helps me.
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: Because I think the biggest thing with women, especially moms
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: and wives, is the guilt that of like, if I
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: do this, or if I chase my dreams, then I'm
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: going to be leaving my family behind because, you know,
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: they're going to have, they're like, you're not here, you know,
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: all of that. And my son, he's still very like,
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: I don't want to say clingy, but he's a boy.
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: He's a, you know, he's a mama's boy. So if
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: I'm working a lot, he does explain that to me,
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: but my husband is very intentional about spending a lot
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: of time with him as well, even though we both
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: work a whole lot. Like he's the one that plans
• 54:26
  Speaker 4: all the different trips or, um, activities and things like that.
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: So if I'm working, he'll take him, like my, my
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: son will go to the barbershop with him. Then they
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: might go get ice cream or they'll go to the mall.
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: They're like doing all these things. So it's not like
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: my son is just sitting at home alone or bored
• 54:46
  Speaker 4: or just on his video games or things like that. So, um,
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: it helps. And I think the reason why I'm, I don't,
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: I don't want to say that I'm balancing right now.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: Like Egypt, who owns Indigo Road, the real estate firm
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: that I work for and the show that I'm on,
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: she said this in an interview. She said, you can
• 55:06
  Speaker 4: have it all, but not at once. But not all
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: at once. So it's just understanding seasons. Like there's a
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: season for this, there's a season for that. And if
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: you want to have a season of like relaxation and
• 55:22
  Speaker 4: self-care and all of that stuff, I think you need
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: to intentionally work toward it. Like, I'm going to grind
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: it out right now because I know in six months
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: I really need to sit the fuck down. Mm-hmm. Like,
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: I need to relax. And so that, I don't really
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: believe in balance. I don't think that it exists. I
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: think you have good days. I think you have bad days.
• 55:47
  Speaker 4: There's going to be days where you're really, really tired.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: There's going to be days where you're crying. Like, I'll
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: be driving crying because I'm tired. Mm-hmm. But at the
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: end of the day, this is what I ask God for.
• 56:01
  Speaker 4: So I try to have a, like a state of gratitude.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: Because I really am living my dreams and being able
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: to see, especially like with Egypt too, seeing how she
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: runs her business and seeing how she has, you know,
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: she has kids and she has a husband. She works
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: with her husband and I see days that she's very tired.
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: And I see days that she's on top of it.
• 56:27
  Speaker 4: And so seeing her has been a blessing because it doesn't,
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: it allows me to not look at what I'm going
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: through and like getting a pit, like, Oh, I'm failing. Like, no,
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: this is just part of the ebbs and flows. This
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: is just part of it. There's no, there's really no
• 56:43
  Speaker 4: easy way. I've been working for myself since I was 12, literally.
• 56:46
  Speaker 4: And I have clients that have been working with me
• 56:50
  Speaker 4: in some capacity and you know, the same ones from
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: when I was 12, I'm doing their houses. I used
• 56:55
  Speaker 4: to be here and now I'm doing their houses. And
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: it's like, there is no shortcut. It's going to be hard.
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: Like a husband is not going to fix it. It's
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: going to help, you know, he's going to help if
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: he's a good one. But, you know, the things that
• 57:11
  Speaker 4: we think we need to be successful or to have
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: like this life, we really, that's not necessarily the key
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: to it. The key is to kind of like just
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: chill out and understand the ebbs and flows of life
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: and to be in a state of gratitude as much
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: as possible.
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: All the peaches and cream. We know marriage is marriage
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: could be so wonderful.
• 57:37
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: But on the other side, you know, it is work.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: I feel like relationships are work. I don't know. I
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: would love a relationship where it doesn't feel like work,
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: but anything worth having, you got to work at it.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: So what, are some of the ways like you and
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: your husband, when y'all have disagreements, like how do y'all
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: have constructive disagreements? I guess, I don't know, constructive arguments,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: but how do y'all handle conflict in your, in your partnership?
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: So I will say this, it was an adjustment being
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: in a healthy relationship because I thought when you argued,
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: it was like World War III is silent treatment. It
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: might be a lot of like aggression and violence and
• 58:30
  Speaker 4: all kinds of things. But for him, he will just
• 58:36
  Speaker 4: take a minute. And I wasn't used to that. I'm like, no,
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: we need to talk about this now. For him, it's like,
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: He just won't talk. And I took that as like
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: stonewalling and silent treatment. That was kind of my traumas
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: kind of coming in like.
• 58:51
  Speaker 6: Oh, here we go again.
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: Because that's when you've been in traumatic situations, your your
• 58:54
  Speaker 4: antennas are up because you're like, oh, no, here we go.
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: I don't put myself in another situation, you know, and
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: I had to really calm down with that. So with
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: our disagreements, I've learned to just give him space. Like
• 59:10
  Speaker 4: that's what he needs. I don't need space. I want
• 59:13
  Speaker 4: to talk about it now, but I have learned to
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: just journal it, get my feelings out, everything that I
• 59:24
  Speaker 4: want to say, get it out. pray about it. And
• 59:30
  Speaker 4: then if I'm still hyped up, then he's going to
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: get that long text message. I just feel like, you know, I,
• 59:40
  Speaker 4: I still, I still do that. Cause it's like, no,
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: I need you to under like understand. Um, but yeah, yeah.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: I tell people that cause when I work with some
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: of my clients that have been through like similar, um,
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: situations and like relationships and trauma and stuff I'm like
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: just write write out your feelings or write the apology
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: that you want that you may not ever get like
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 4: just write it for yourself and give give yourself the
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: apology because you might get it they might come to
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: their senses or you won't but you kind of yeah.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: You write an apology ask them hmm ask them okay
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: that's interesting mm-hmm.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: But if that's the apology that you need, then write
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: it out.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: And then, you know, sometimes I will apologize to myself
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: for allowing myself to be put in that situation. Even
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: in our marriage, like, I feel like there is, some
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: ways where I get beside myself and I might get
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 4: very emotional about it, knowing that I should not have
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 4: been that emotional about it. And so I just forgive
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: myself for like allowing my traumas to lead me as
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: opposed to just really like thinking clearly through things and
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: learning that feelings are not facts. I really like move
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 4: through life off of my feelings for a long time.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: And so he taught me how to, See things for
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: what it is. And handle it for what it is.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: I think that he.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 6: He's a Leo.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 4: Virgo cusp. And so he doesn't apologize. He doesn't say
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry. It's not in his vocabulary. But he has
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 4: other ways. In which he takes accountability. But to say
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry. I had to learn my mate. In that.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: what he like how do I say this I used
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: to hang on to the fact that he would not
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: say I'm sorry or I apologize and I had to
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: understand that that's not in his language and that I
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: need to kind of look through and sift through what
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: he's saying to understand that oh that was an apology
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: and that was accountability because I'm going to keep running
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: it through until I get my I'm sorry I.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 5: Feel like you want something for yourself.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 7: Right you hungry no don't.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 4: Send me no memes don't talk about no power episodes
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: no I want to hear I'm sorry and then we
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 4: can move.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: On that was me that's how our parents used to
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: say sorry as kids after like they did something.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 6: And that shit is abusive right.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 5: I'm about to go to the store you want some
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 5: nerds Right.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, I don't want to sweep. I don't
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: want I don't want to sweep anything under the rug
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: like in this relationship. Like we need to handle everything
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: head on. But at the same time, just because that's
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 4: how I do things, I can't expect him to do
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: things like that. But we have started to learn each
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 4: other's styles. And so I have gotten it's only been
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: once where he said, I'm sorry. And I wanted to
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: have a whole parade.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: Say it again.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 5: What'd you say? Say it loud. Let me record you
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 5: next time.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 6: I can't hear you.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: What? I'm like, yes.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not like that. I don't need sorry. I don't
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: like sorry either. Like I hate saying sorry. So I
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: try not to do things to have to apologize for it. Right.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: If you with somebody who's always quick with an apology,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: we could take Kanye West for an example. Kanye keep
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: apologizing to the Jewish people. Them people.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: He keeps apologizing, but at the same time, he keeps violating.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: So don't apologize to me if you're going to keep violating.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 5: I like change behavior.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: Change behavior is a great apology. You never have to say,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, AJ. You just do the right thing going forward.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: So does he at least correct in that way so
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't have to apologize?
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's his thought process is change behavior for sure.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 4: And I just need to make sure that I'm keeping
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: my antennas up for the change of behavior and not
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: taking it for granted. I think that's a big thing
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: in relationships is to. Be very in tune to when
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 4: your spouse is making those changes. Because, you know, this
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 4: is not school. I don't need to be like, hey,
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 4: I did this today. I'm changing my behavior. You know,
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: it's like we don't need to be accountable in that way.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 4: But we do need to keep our antennas up and
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 4: our eyes open for when our spouse is doing better
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 4: or making changes. And that's where the grace comes in at.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 4: And then sometimes when he doesn't see that I'm changing,
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 4: then I'll get my megaphone like, you don't see that
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 4: I turned off all the lights yesterday? Like you're talking
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 4: about today, but did you see yesterday though? All the
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 4: lights were off yesterday. I'm like, no, you're going to take, no,
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 4: you're going to acknowledge. You see, I turned the alarm
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: on all day yesterday. Every time I left the house.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: And then it's this one time I miss Today, and
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 4: now you're on me, I'm like, no, let's roll the
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 4: tape back because.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I've been trying. Yeah. Petty Pendergrass. Yes.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm like, mm-mm.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: I've been trying. Like, you're not going to say that
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: I don't care because that's my thing when people kind
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: of try to make it seem like I don't care
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: about something when I know I'm intentionally trying, but I
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 4: just have so many things going on in my head.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not going to always get it right.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 4: And that's this grace that I give myself. And I
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 4: feel like everybody else is just going to have to.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 5: Deal with it.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 4: Like I'm literally doing the best that I can with
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 4: all of these things that I have going on. Like
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 4: I'm doing my best. Yeah.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 5: But just don't forget to turn the alarm on.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: The alarm is on stay right now i remember.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: He's just concerned about your well-being and make sure you're
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: safe at the house yeah he.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 4: Is that's where our a lot of our arguments is
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 4: either going to be cleaning because he's jamaican and he's
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 4: like everything needs to smell like fabuloso like he's very
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 4: like organized, like very clean. And I, I'm not like
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 4: the messiest person, but I be, you know, I'm not
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 4: like that. So we argue about that. And then we
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 4: mostly argue about things like turn the alarm on, turn
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: the lights on and off, or like me being forgetful.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: My ex used to get really upset with me because
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: I never tightened the lids on the season.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 5: It's real good. So he'd pick it up from the
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 5: top and it'd fall.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 6: And he's like, God damn it. Why you don't turn it?
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: That's a reason to get mad though. Like for real.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: But I just forget. And I do most of the cooking.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: You never usually use any of the seasonings. And then
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: my head is tight, you know, but I guess not
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: tight enough.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 6: That's me.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I know how to maneuver because I'm the
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 4: one in here all the time. So I'm not cleaning
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 4: for you. I'm cleaning for me. The way that I
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: organize everything. is because I'm going to do it. He
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 4: be wanting to help. And I'm like, I don't want
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 4: you to help. Because when he help and he's upset,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: then he starts slamming stuff. He going to make sure
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 4: that you know.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 5: That he's upset.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 4: Closing the cabinets, pops and pans clanking around.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 5: I'm like, you can go. You can relate.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: I will do it.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: Right. And I be like, nigga, if you know I
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: don't chop it up good, pick it up from the bottom.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 5: That's how I feel.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 6: Pick it up from the bottom.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: Like, I am not that petty.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 6: If you know me, check it.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 4: First because it may not be tight. Yeah. I shouldn't
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 4: have to do that.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 5: I'm like, well.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: Man, all relationships is about cleaning up and fixing up
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: shit behind the next person. That's all it is, really.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: I never complain. And when I tell you I used
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: to get pictures of weave, strands of weave on the
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: floor from my ex. But right next to my strand
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: of weave is going to be some coily hair. It
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: could be pubic hair or bared hair. But your hair
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: is right next to my strand of weave, so you
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: don't see that.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: But when I come in, I just sweep up everything.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: I don't care that your hair is on the floor
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: next to mine or just your hair.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 6: I'm going to clean up.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: That's just petty shit. That's the shit of relationships I
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: don't be feeling.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 4: What you want to eat.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 5: No, let me tell you what.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: My nigga used to piss me off and I don't
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: care what nobody say. He would like poop and forget
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: to flush the toilet.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, hell no. With their tissue in there though at least.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: With their tissue in there.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 5: I do not want to see your shit, sir. Flush
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 5: the toilet.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: Oh my God. I wouldn't be able to.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's annoying. That was my bad.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: No, how can you forget that?
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 5: How do you forget that?
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: It's in there floating like Hank.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 4: Mr.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 6: Hanky in there.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 5: Good morning to you.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: We wouldn't have made it.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 4: We wouldn't have made it.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 5: We didn't.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 4: Doodoo boy.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: If you're listening, doodoo boy. Big shitty ass.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 4: No, I'm like, no, that's not going to work.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: No, cleanliness, like, I have revised my list of things
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: I want in a mate because you have to be
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: as clean as me. You have to wash as much
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: as I do, and you have to be as clean
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: as that. Because I realize I can't do it.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: Don't nobody wash as much as you, Adrian.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 6: You ain't never going to have a nigga.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: If you're looking for a nigga that's going to wash
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: seven times a day.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: I've had a couple. I've had a couple of them.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: Twice a day, okay? I wash when I wake up,
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: and I wash when I go to sleep.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: It depends on the situation.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: If it's summertime, it might be three to four.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 3: AJ will come in and stay at my house.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: My water bill go up by $ 70.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: I take a lot of showers too. He said that
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 4: he was like, you like, why do you take like three,
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 4: four showers.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: In a day?
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: I like it. It's my thinking time. It's meditation for me.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: Like if I go outside and come back in, like
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: I like the feeling of getting straight into bed, like
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: with fresh skin. So if I just took a bath,
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: go outside, do some shit. I got to take another
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: bath before I hit my sheets.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 6: It's just. No, listen.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: And then go to the parking garage and come back
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: and need another shower.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 5: That's ridiculous, bro.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Because walking to the garage, my titties sweating.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 4: Even if I showered before date night, we come home.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: yes it could have been like three hours past i
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 4: gotta take another shower before i get to bed because
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 4: i went outside so.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: Y'all y'all would go on a date y'all would get
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: showered have a date with your man and like i'm
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: all right you don't have to answer this jamila but
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: if y'all have sex.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: Fresh coochie yes you're.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: Gonna get you're gonna have a shower before you have
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: sex and after and then after I.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 5: Might have one after, but I don't, it just depends
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 5: on the vibe.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: Cause if we come in here and we kissing and
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: we taking everything off, I ain't trying to solo wait.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: Unless I don't, unless I don't feel fresh, unless I'm like,
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: let me freshen up.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 5: Cause I feel like it's, it was a little hot.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 5: Other than that, I'm not stopping you.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 4: No, if it's like that, then you, you know, you
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 4: just go with the flow. But if we come home
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 4: and like, You know, he might be downstairs doing something
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 4: or putting the food up or whatever. I'm literally, like,
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 4: running up the stairs to get undressed. Because I got
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 4: to take all this makeup off. And if I'm going
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 4: to do that, then I might as well just take
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 4: a shower, too.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 6: Showers.
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to do that.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: See, I'm not the only one with mental illness. Like, what?
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: I have dirty asses.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 6: You do.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 4: You gotta be clean. Like, I'm very particular about stuff.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 4: I learned that a lot of grown women do not
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 4: know about, like, hygiene. And, like, not using the same soap.
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 4: I know it's off topic. Not using the same soaps. Like,
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 4: you got your face soap, you got body soap, and
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 4: then you have your, you know, your intimate soap. Like,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 4: your vaginal soap. It's and you can't have everything mixed
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 4: in together and your pH be off. Like your pH
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 4: should be like, you should not smell like anything.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 5: Water.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: Y'all hear that?
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 6: Like water.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 4: You should be. And if you're not, that's okay. But
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 4: you need to understand that that may not be like healthy.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 4: I think some people might have, you know, some type
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 4: of scent or whatever, but it, Anyway, I digress. I'll
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 4: go all day. It'll turn into a whole women's health episode.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for women who are looking
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 2: for love? Are they in a relationship that might be stagnant?
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: Their marriage is not what it needs to be right now.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: Do you have any advice?
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 4: Women that are looking for love, I would say That
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 4: you need to be very, I think that you should
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 4: have like a list of like things that you're looking for.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 4: You know, women have their list or whatever. I think
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 4: that's good. But you got to have what you should
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 4: be looking for in a man. One is how he
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 4: treats his mother and how he treats the women in
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 4: his life. Because that is how he's going to treat you.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 4: No ifs, ands, or buts. about it. It could be
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 4: good for the first couple of years, but it's going
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 4: to show. So that's one. Two, I think that a
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 4: man doesn't need to be making six figures and all
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 4: that kind of stuff, but you need to be paying
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 4: attention to character and discipline as it pertains to finances
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: and how he stewards over what he has right now.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 4: Because in today's society, it's very easy to make money.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: Like you can make money. You can start something and
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 4: you know, you can do that. You can fix that.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 4: But a man that does not steward over his money
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 4: correctly is a very big red flag.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: Girl, let me tell you, I was talking to this
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: guy and I was like, you know, I kind of
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: like him.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 3: He's cool.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 5: He told me he lost $ 50, 000 gambling in this past
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 5: football season.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 3: And I was like, Oh, absolutely.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 5: You are entirely too wasteful.
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 4: Absolutely not. No, those are signs. And I guess that
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 4: would lead me to my third. I don't really have
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 4: it just outlined. But the third thing is don't ignore
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 4: those flags. And you would think that that's self-explanatory, but
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 4: it is not. Because at the demise of a relationship,
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 4: when you look back, you could literally walk it out,
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 4: all the signs that were there. Stop trying to romanticize
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 4: like toxicity and struggle and laziness and complacency, like stop
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 4: trying to romanticize it. Like when I said feelings versus facts,
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 4: you have to be factual. And I, what I, what
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 4: I did in our relationship early on when my, you know,
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 4: my triggers and all of that, I feel like they
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 4: were trying to get the best of me. So what
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 4: I started to do journaling again, if something upset me
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 4: or something felt like a red flag, I would write
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 4: it down. It's timestamped because I have my physical journals
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 4: and then I have a journal app and it timestamps everything.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 4: So I'm like, I'm writing this down and I'm going
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 4: to revisit this. And if this is still going on,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 4: I know that this is a pattern, not just something
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 4: that happened because things happen, you know, people make mistakes,
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 4: slip ups happen, or maybe it's not what you thought
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 4: it was or whatever. I document, I document patterns and
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 4: I document like different things. Like if I feel like, okay, I'm,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 4: I'm be honest because infidelity was an issue in past relationships.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 4: I saw something that I was like, Hmm, Now, instead
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 4: of being somebody that's like, let me see your phone.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 4: Mind you, he gave me the password to his phone, like,
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 4: in two weeks. Like, we have each other's passcodes and
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 4: all that kind of stuff. So it's very open, but
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 4: we still do respect each other that we're not going
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 4: through each other's phones. Like, that's still, to me, very
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 4: disrespectful and it's unnecessary. But it was something, I had, like,
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 4: an eyebrow raise about it. Mm-hmm. It's actually kind of
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 4: funny because the client's name was Ash. And Ash was like,
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 4: I need you.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 5: I was like, why Ash need you? What she need
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 5: you for?
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 4: So I wrote it down, trying to pay attention. As
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 4: the days go on, there's probably some months that went on.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 4: Didn't hear nothing else about Ash. Ash is some big
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 4: burly ass dude. that is his client, and said he
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 4: needed him to give him a haircut. Because it came
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 4: up in conversation, because I just went ahead and brought
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 4: it up. I'm like, and then, because I talk very
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 4: soft and sweet. I saw, you know, it just made
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 4: me feel uncomfortable. I didn't know it was like Ash,
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 4: and she was saying that. Like she, you.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 6: Know, gave it a sex and everything.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she. Like she said.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 4: He's trying to see if you're going to confirm. But
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 4: he told me what that was. And in that instance,
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 4: it did kind of. turn him off because he was like,
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 4: you could have just asked me.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 4: But, you know, sometimes it's not comfortable to ask because
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 4: you don't want to come off insecure. You don't want
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 4: to come off like this.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 5: You don't want to be wrong.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 4: You don't want to be wrong.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 5: Baby, that's ashy Larry. Well, his haircut.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So that was the instance where I'm like, okay,
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 4: you got to relax. But instead of just jumping to
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 4: conclusions and letting your triggers take control, document things and
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 4: match it up because at the end of the day,
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 4: these are facts that we're laying out. We're not going
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 4: off of feelings because feelings will have you staying in
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 4: situations that you should not be staying in just because
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 4: you're afraid of being alone. Mm-hmm. And I think that's
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 4: enough for the girls that's finding love. For the women
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 4: or the girls who are in relationships and it might
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 4: be a little stagnant, if you have not already, see
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 4: where you may be misstepping in the relationship. Because we
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 4: have a PhD in what our partner is doing wrong.
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 4: But we seldom really take a step back and see
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 4: where we contributed to that. Because if we're honest, the
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 4: effort that we think we're putting in, we're really not
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 4: putting in. And a lot of times we're doing what
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 4: we would want instead of actually doing what our partner
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: is asking us to do. I was always trying to
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 4: do things for him. And I like to give. I
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: like to to buy gifts I like to like do
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 4: things like that even though I don't really care about
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 4: receiving gifts I like to give gifts but he's like
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 4: I don't need all of that like he don't even
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 4: want Christmas gifts like he don't really care about stuff
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 4: he just wants me to do well to take care
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 4: of myself and but he would say those things and
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 4: I think women we're not listening to men like they
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 4: tell you what they want they're very clear about it
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 4: and we're like no that can't be all you You
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 4: just want a meal and sex and respect. No, no,
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 4: you got to want a whole lot more. So I'm
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 4: going to give it to you. Like we've been trying
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 4: to tell men what they need and what they want.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 4: And they have been very clear about what it is
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 4: that they want. So you're doing all these other things,
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 4: but you're not showing respect. Like you're not, if it's
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 4: somebody that needs a hot meal, like if that's all
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 4: he's asking for, then find a way to do that.
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 1: And saying I can't cook is not an option, bitch.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: They cooking all up and down Instagram. Figure it out.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: What's that? Figure it out. Prima Donna. Get her cookbook. Right.
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but we don't want to give him high cholesterol.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 6: Oh, right.
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: Now that part.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 4: So, you know, he, like now I'm doing like the HelloFresh. HelloFresh,
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 4: give these girls a deal real quick. Hello Fresh. I'm
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 4: doing factor meals. Because now, yeah, I like factor, especially
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 4: with my workouts and stuff. So you don't have to know.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 4: If you don't know how to cook, don't do that.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 4: But there's a lot of ways that we waste a
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 4: lot of money. And you could be allocating that to
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 4: something else to make it work. Everything can be workable.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 4: Saying that you can't do it is not an excuse,
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 4: especially for your spouse. You should always be in service
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 4: of your spouse. And there's going to be seasons where
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 4: you are putting in more work than they are putting in.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 4: But marriage, as I said, God's design for marriage is
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 4: rich or poor, sickness and in health. This isn't talking
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 4: about abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, but you
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 4: got to be in it for the long haul. And
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 4: you have to take accountability for what you did is
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 4: what I feel is really adding to and making this
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 4: relationship work. But it's hard, you know, because you want
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 4: to be right all the time.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: We manifest in here. We talk back. It's for richer
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: or richer. It's for healthy or for healthy, okay?
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we could want that. But if we are doing
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 4: things that are not, making our finances grow, if we
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 4: are getting hookah and lamb chops every day, then somebody's going.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 5: To get diabetes.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 4: Somebody's going to get high cholesterol. Somebody.
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 5: Go get lung cancer.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 4: Go get bright.
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 6: Exactly.
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 4: So we can't, we have to be very realistic about
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 4: those things. Like if we want richer for written, you know,
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 4: for richer, for richer, uh, or, you know, for healthy
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 4: or whatever, whatever, no sickness and no sickness, then we
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 4: have to make sure that we're doing those things. Like
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 4: everything takes work. Manifesting is great. I manifested my husband,
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 4: like I wrote it out. And what's crazy is like,
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 4: I wrote it, I wrote out what I wanted for
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 4: my marriage, but I didn't put a name on it.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 4: And I wrote it during that first marriage and I
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 4: ended up getting the marriage that I wanted. And it
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 4: ended up being a whole new, different relationship. So now
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 4: I'm very specific. Like I'd be writing his whole name, first, middle,
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 4: last name. This is what I want for my marriage with,
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 4: with him. Like this guy is real funny like that. Um,
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 4: so yeah, that's, I.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 5: Feel like that's great advice. Yeah, that was great advice, ladies.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 5: Take heed. Have some accountability, bitches.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 4: It is hard.
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: I don't like pushing that narrative that women don't take accountability.
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's true.
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 5: They do.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 3: They don't.
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 5: It's all people.
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 6: It's not just women.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. So when we help push that
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: narrative that women don't take accountability, it kind of gives
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: the men a one-up.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, it does. I have been in relationships with men
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: who don't take accountability also. I just want to make
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: sure we know that it's not something that's exclusive to women.
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: That's all.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 2: On our show, we single out men all the time.
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 5: Men do this. Men say that.
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: Men do this. And women be doing the same shit sometimes.
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 2: And we never say, okay, this.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 5: Is for everybody.
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 3: I try to sit in the middle a lot of times.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 6: No, you single out men a lot.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: But I'm oftentimes talking about men I've actually dealt with.
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about men in general.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 6: But you didn't say men.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 5: You just say men.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 4: I think men definitely need to be accountable. But the
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 4: reason why I press that women need to, because I
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 4: think for the longest we have pressed, especially with Black men, like,
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 4: y'all need to be accountable. Y'all need to do this. Like,
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 4: everybody knows, men and women and the entire world knows
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 4: that what work the black man needs to do. Like we're,
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 4: we're so knowledgeable on that, but I think women take
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 4: that as like, if he's not doing this and he's
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 4: not doing that the whole while you are messy, you
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 4: are dirty, literally, figuratively, whatever. Like you're not, you're not
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 4: stewarding over your finances. You're eating like shit. You're not
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 4: like being, you're not, working to a schedule, like your
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 4: habits are trash. Like let's be honest and let's be
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 4: realistic because I think women feel like we don't have
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 4: to do certain things. And I do think that you
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 4: should try to become the partner that you desire, but
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 4: also knowing that you don't have to be perfect before
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 4: you meet that person. So it's a delicate balance of
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 4: giving yourself Grace, but also knowing that you have goals
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 4: for yourself, regardless of who comes into your life. And
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 4: when they do come into your life, your work is
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 4: not done. It is definitely not. It's far from done.
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 4: Now you really have somebody that you need to to
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 4: show up for. And I think holding yourself accountable is
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 4: not just for a relationship is for yourself, period. And
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 4: all the things that you say that you want for yourself.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 4: Like all my goals now is really not to make
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 4: my husband happy. It's to make me happy because I
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 4: have a man that wants me to be happy. So
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 4: if that's what he wants, then that's what I'm going
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 4: to do. And we both benefit from it. Amen.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, honey.
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: Jamila, plug all your things. We already told them how
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: wonderful you are, but. Make sure you plug all your
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: social media, all your businesses, all the fantastic things you
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 1: got going on. Let our audience know.
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 4: Thank you. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, we're
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 4: having the case conference. It's a conference for new and inspired.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, new and aspiring interior designers, especially of color
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 4: to learn the business of design because design is 80% business, 20% creative.
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 4: And so you have that 20% and you're wondering why
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 4: you can't get it off the ground or business is
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 4: not going well. It's because of the business aspect of it.
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 4: So really honing in and teaching interior designers of color
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 4: how to operate in the business and navigate the industry.
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 4: Tickets are on sale now, thecaseconference.com. To learn more, we
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 4: have a very special keynote guest that we haven't announced
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 4: just yet, but it's going to be so worth it.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 4: And then you can follow me at Jamila Divine, and
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 4: that's where you can just see what's going on with me,
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 4: my man, and my business.
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 1: Y'all remember, speak now and never hold your peace.