Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #161 w/Coach Joy

Transcript

Episode #161 w/Coach Joy · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking In with Kiki. Kicking Dippy Ki Ki.
0:14
Speaker 2: Kikini Ki Ki for a little personality, switching up the
0:18
Speaker 2: storyline on God, we making in story and hooks rs
0:22
Speaker 2: one day at the time. How much problems to the side,
0:26
Speaker 2: enjoy yourself, free your mind.
0:31
Speaker 1: Chickin It with ki Kee.
0:40
Speaker 2: Welcome to Kicking with Kiki, Life, Love and Mindset, the
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Speaker 2: podcast where mindset meets movements, killing meets action and conversations
0:50
Speaker 2: create transformation. I'm your host, Kick Chanel, Award winning author,
0:55
Speaker 2: lifestyle blogger, owner of nineteen Lifestyle magazine, and host of
0:59
Speaker 2: Kicking with Kiki podcast. Around here we talk about life, love, healing,
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Speaker 2: growth and mindset shifts that help you become the best
1:09
Speaker 2: version of yourself. So pull up a seat. We're kicking
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Speaker 2: it today. I have my very special guest that I'm
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Speaker 2: kicking it with. She is not new to the PLAGU
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Speaker 2: group form, but she is new to the new format
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Speaker 2: that we're implementing right now. I still like to give
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Speaker 2: my guests the opportunity to tell you who they are,
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Speaker 2: So go ahead and turn it over to myess Joy.
1:29
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming to Kicking with me.
1:30
Speaker 1: How you doing doing great? First of all, thank you
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Speaker 1: for having me here. And I am Joy Heres. I
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Speaker 1: am a personal development strategist coach for beauty professionals. I'm
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Speaker 1: a retired beauty professional after being thirty three years in
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Speaker 1: the industry, and I decided to take my expertise outside
1:46
Speaker 1: of the chair and put it in behind a different
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Speaker 1: chair and also just a guy. Beauty professionals through their
1:52
Speaker 1: experience as a hairstylist barber, I help them with their
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Speaker 1: emotional well being and their wellness. Also the burnout that
2:01
Speaker 1: goes with the industry. I help them navigate their way
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Speaker 1: through that and give them a safe space since they're
2:05
Speaker 1: always holding a safe space for the clients that they
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Speaker 1: serve besides the hair services they offer. And I also
2:12
Speaker 1: help them with creating new income pathways to help them
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Speaker 1: build even more income and revenue while they're still behind
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Speaker 1: their chair. And that way, when they do decide to
2:21
Speaker 1: leave their chair, they still have other things going on,
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Speaker 1: whether it's passive income or just increasing their income another
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Speaker 1: stream of income for their stint behind the chair because
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Speaker 1: the many hairstyle as they work. Because I was one
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Speaker 1: of those hairstyles before in the beginning, where I didn't
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Speaker 1: think about creating another income pathway. So I want them,
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Speaker 1: the new era of BT professionals to have that mindset
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Speaker 1: where they're putting in those new things and adding more
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Speaker 1: income using just the skills that they have and building
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Speaker 1: something from that, whether it's digital products, whether it's classes
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Speaker 1: that they know how to do with teach just whatever
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Speaker 1: they want to do to package themselves. Even in a
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Speaker 1: broader spectrum other than that way behind the chair when
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Speaker 1: they don't have clani, they're still having income coming in.
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Speaker 1: So that's what I've been doing and I've been going
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Speaker 1: deeper into that and I'm really enjoying that because I'm
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Speaker 1: able to see stylis flourishing more because they're they never
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Speaker 1: really thought of that part, some of them have it.
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Speaker 1: So I'm doing that and I'm just loving what I'm
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Speaker 1: doing right now.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely on you.
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Speaker 1: One more part is and I'm also a contributing writer
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Speaker 1: to nineteen magazine for Kiki, and I love that. That's
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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing that I've been doing. So I love
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Speaker 1: being a contributing writer of articles.
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Speaker 2: Listen, you get you beat me to the parts because
3:34
Speaker 2: I was gonna shore tell you to tell the people
3:36
Speaker 2: about the nineteen Lifestyle magazine contribution that you have going on,
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Speaker 2: So thank you for sharing that. And so today we're
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Speaker 2: just diving into life, love and mindset that shape helped
3:46
Speaker 2: shape you to be the person that you are today.
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Speaker 2: So we're going to get into the mindset moment with
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Speaker 2: Coach Joy. Okay, yes, because in this segment we talk
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Speaker 2: about mindset that shape. You know, different mindsets can reshape
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Speaker 2: and repower or recharge if you will, certain aspects of
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Speaker 2: your life. So this is the mindset moment where we
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Speaker 2: talk about what shaped you, the experiences that you've overcome
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Speaker 2: and things like that. So I'll axe a couple of
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Speaker 2: questions and then you just answer how you see fit.
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Speaker 2: Let's start l like what mindset shift changed the way
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Speaker 2: you approach life?
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Speaker 1: WHOA Well, my mindset shift came with I had to
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Speaker 1: shift my mindset as always making sure that everyone else
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Speaker 1: was okay when I wasn't and it was causing me
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Speaker 1: to be set back many times because I've had it
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Speaker 1: was easier for me to help people on their things
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Speaker 1: and their problems that they were having because that was
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Speaker 1: a way for me to avoid what was really on
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Speaker 1: my plate at the time, Like I had a divorce
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Speaker 1: and things going on. So me I threw myself fully
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Speaker 1: into helping other people through their things, and while my
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Speaker 1: things was going on the back burner. And then one
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Speaker 1: day it's just everything. My whole world just collapsed where
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Speaker 1: I was, I realized I'm not wor on my own things.
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Speaker 1: My whole world just kind of collapse. I started losing things,
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Speaker 1: losing people, and that shifting my mindset. And they're like,
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Speaker 1: you know what, I have to prioritize myself. I have
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Speaker 1: to break this people pleasing mindset of feeling like I
5:12
Speaker 1: have to always make sure I show up more for
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Speaker 1: other people than myself. And once I made that shift,
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Speaker 1: that's what my life shifted.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely. And I think that breaking the people pleasing mindset,
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Speaker 2: I think we all have gone through that at some
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Speaker 2: point in time. And I was. I wouldn't say that
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Speaker 2: I was a people pleaser, but I wanted people to
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Speaker 2: like me. I wanted to be liked by everybody, not
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Speaker 2: realizing that some people just not gonna like you because
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Speaker 2: it it's who you are, Like God makes you different
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Speaker 2: for a reason. And so can you speak about a
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Speaker 2: moment in time when you realize that people pleasing was
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Speaker 2: not beneficial to you in a positive way?
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Speaker 1: Right? And mind didn't come from like people liking because
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Speaker 1: I really kind of never really care if they liked
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Speaker 1: me or not, because I liked my own self. It
6:04
Speaker 1: was more of I was always the fixer. It mine
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Speaker 1: came from the fixer. Now I'm a really huge problem solver,
6:10
Speaker 1: but I wasn't working on my own problems, you know.
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Speaker 1: So it became a detriment to my life. When I
6:16
Speaker 1: start seeing my life dismantle, I start seeing a lot
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Speaker 1: of loss, and I started seeing a lot of people
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Speaker 1: who turn on me when I wasn't doing all their
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Speaker 1: things and coming joy to the rescue. When I first
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Speaker 1: when I turned the attention back to myself, my own life,
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Speaker 1: I started seeing who was around me just for what
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Speaker 1: I can do for them. They wasn't really really loving
6:34
Speaker 1: me for real. They loved what I could do for
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Speaker 1: them and how I can help them. So that was
6:38
Speaker 1: a new and a hard reality to face. Because my
6:41
Speaker 1: mom used always telling me, she said, you're their friend,
6:43
Speaker 1: but they're not there, so your friend. And I didn't
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Speaker 1: know what she meant until I found out what it meant.
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Speaker 1: When I start seeing people, when I start saying no
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Speaker 1: more and standing on it without an explanation, I start
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Speaker 1: seeing people falling away from me. But I needed to
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Speaker 1: see that because that was part of the mindset shift
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Speaker 1: also for me to see who's really there for me,
7:00
Speaker 1: and it taught me how to be there more for myself.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, what mindset kept you grounded during the difficult season
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Speaker 2: in your life? Because I know you had to pivot
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Speaker 2: like several times, But what mindset kept you, you know,
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Speaker 2: grounded during those times.
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Speaker 1: My mindset is like in my faith and me wanting
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Speaker 1: more from my life and knowing that there was more
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Speaker 1: insight of me and me Also my mindset knowing that
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Speaker 1: just because something has fell and fell apart, does that
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Speaker 1: mean that I'm finished. That means for me to get
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Speaker 1: started again, and then I have to pivot and then
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Speaker 1: I may have to recreate another plan. So that's the
7:36
Speaker 1: mindset ship that took place. Like I have to you know,
7:39
Speaker 1: I have to say, always know that just a loss
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Speaker 1: right now doesn't mean I'm lost for life. That means
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Speaker 1: this is this season in my life has phased out,
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Speaker 1: and that means that God's taken me somewhere else. You know,
7:50
Speaker 1: there's more for me to do because sometimes I find
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Speaker 1: myself playing small. So some of those losses I had
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Speaker 1: caused me to have to really take big leaps of faith,
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Speaker 1: and that really helped me more forward and keep knowing
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Speaker 1: that there's better for me and that I want it
8:03
Speaker 1: better for my son's life. It starts with me as
8:06
Speaker 1: his mom, and you know, being a divorced mom. It
8:09
Speaker 1: started with me. So I don't have that mindset where
8:10
Speaker 1: I got to play. I don't have a give up spirit.
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Speaker 1: I have a It makes me fight even more. Okay,
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Speaker 1: i may have been knocked down, but I'm not destroyed.
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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get back up, swinging and even more,
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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna get over every hurdle that's before me.
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Speaker 1: So that's the mindset that I have when I go
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Speaker 1: through seasons of loss or season of difficulty and turmoil.
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Speaker 2: I love that that that positive self talk is a
8:34
Speaker 2: big part of the mindset shifts that we encounter. You
8:38
Speaker 2: have to be able to self motivate because a lot
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Speaker 2: of people need other people like ourselves. They need us
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Speaker 2: to coach them through it. And at some point I
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Speaker 2: always tell my clients, I'm not gonna always be with you.
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Speaker 2: So you have to know how to get yourself out
8:54
Speaker 2: of situations where you feel stuck. Take the techniques that
8:58
Speaker 2: we go through. But as so, you got to do
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Speaker 2: it on your own and you can do it right.
9:04
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
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Speaker 1: I had to become my own coach. I've had to
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Speaker 1: become and then I make sure I stay on the
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Speaker 1: positive because if I think about everything negative, it's gonna
9:13
Speaker 1: be a downward spiral for my life. So I got
9:15
Speaker 1: to find the positive in every bad situation, you know,
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Speaker 1: and do that. That's what that has helped me.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the law of attraction. What you put out,
9:24
Speaker 2: you get back. So if you if you swing negativity,
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Speaker 2: that's what's gonna come back to you, truly. Yeah. So
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Speaker 2: what life experience forced you to grow the most? Oh?
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Speaker 1: Man, I want to say the experience of loss. I'm
9:42
Speaker 1: losing the people that are my main peak characters like
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Speaker 1: my mom and dad, losing them and that made me
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Speaker 1: just feel like I always had an anchor, you know.
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Speaker 1: I always felt like those were my anchors. And when
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Speaker 1: I didn't have them anymore, it forced me to really
9:55
Speaker 1: stand ten toes down in my own power and discover
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Speaker 1: what that power was. And it came just me and God.
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Speaker 1: It made me more stronger, more resilient, and it showed
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Speaker 1: me the strength that I really did have with the
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Speaker 1: end that it didn't just wasn't just because of the
10:09
Speaker 1: parents I had and their support, I had to learn
10:12
Speaker 1: how to support myself. I had other people who in
10:15
Speaker 1: my life who supported me, but I couldn't even fully
10:18
Speaker 1: fall back and rely on that because that support can
10:20
Speaker 1: be pulled away at any time. But me, I know me,
10:22
Speaker 1: I'm silid. I'm going to stand and support myself. I
10:25
Speaker 1: know I'm going to be the one that's stable in
10:27
Speaker 1: my own support of myself. So I strengthened that muscle
10:31
Speaker 1: just learning how to just show up for myself and
10:33
Speaker 1: just you know, just being there for myself. You're going
10:36
Speaker 1: to be there for your own self, and a lot
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Speaker 1: of people don't know how to do that. You know,
10:40
Speaker 1: they rely on outline forces and I can't rely on
10:43
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, me, I'm not going to
10:44
Speaker 1: betray myself, absolutely disappoint myself where I can't get back up.
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Speaker 1: Even when I fought, I'm going to get back up
10:52
Speaker 1: because that's what I will myself to do. So it can't.
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Speaker 2: That's what happened, and you said something that is big
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Speaker 2: and who I am. You have to show up for
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Speaker 2: you because you cannot expect other people to show up
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Speaker 2: for you. It's not their responsibility. Although we like to
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Speaker 2: have people in our lives that show up and you know,
11:13
Speaker 2: if it makes us feel good and stuff like that.
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Speaker 2: But if you're expecting those people to show up for
11:18
Speaker 2: you and you never show up for yourself, when those
11:21
Speaker 2: people don't show up for you, guess what's gonna happen.
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Speaker 2: You gonna feel defeated, right, You're gonna feel less than
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Speaker 2: You're gonna have that negative self talk that can make
11:31
Speaker 2: you do negative things exactly.
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Speaker 1: Mm So I find that people when they feel like
11:37
Speaker 1: they feel like someone betrayed them or like they wouldn't
11:40
Speaker 1: there for me. Well, some people that the ones that
11:42
Speaker 1: you want there for you, you don't realize they got
11:44
Speaker 1: their own things that they have going on. They're not
11:46
Speaker 1: necessarily slightening you all the time in all cases. Sometimes
11:49
Speaker 1: they just some people just can't be there for you.
11:51
Speaker 1: That's why you have to make sure that you always
11:53
Speaker 1: are there for yourself. That some people may not be
11:55
Speaker 1: able to have the capacity to deal with you and
11:58
Speaker 1: their own stuff too, So you got to make sure
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Speaker 1: you always nobody else show up for you. Make sure
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Speaker 1: you do.
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Speaker 2: Exactly because you never know what people going through. And
12:08
Speaker 2: if this person has shown up for you one hundred
12:10
Speaker 2: times and they miss one, are they a bad person?
12:14
Speaker 1: Right?
12:15
Speaker 2: Are they unreliable? Right? So that's a question that we
12:19
Speaker 2: should all ask ourself. You know the people in your life,
12:22
Speaker 2: give up some grace, give yourself some grace and say,
12:25
Speaker 2: you know what, they was not there for me this time,
12:28
Speaker 2: But let me count the number of times that they
12:30
Speaker 2: have been there and then we'll stop stop being so
12:34
Speaker 2: self absorbed, be titled right, and become self aware and
12:40
Speaker 2: understand that life happens to us all. Just because you're
12:43
Speaker 2: going through a storm, that don't mean that you're the
12:45
Speaker 2: only person that's going through it, right.
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Speaker 1: Because I notice mean when I'm focusing on myself, when
12:50
Speaker 1: I take those times away where I'm kind of going
12:52
Speaker 1: to not solitude, when I'm going to where I'm just
12:55
Speaker 1: kind of inward, and then people they take it personal,
12:58
Speaker 1: making about them. It's not about you. Give me. You
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Speaker 1: should know me better by now that when I go
13:02
Speaker 1: back into my cocoon, I'm coming out of butterfly. So
13:05
Speaker 1: let me do that as a process that I have
13:07
Speaker 1: to go through periodically in my life. There's nothing against
13:10
Speaker 1: you if we didn't fall out before that happened. We're
13:13
Speaker 1: still cool when I come out the cocoon, but right
13:15
Speaker 1: now I got to go inward and you know, work
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Speaker 1: on some things. Absolutely.
13:22
Speaker 2: And with that being said, we're going on over to
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Speaker 2: the reality check because growth sounds good, right, but the
13:30
Speaker 2: truth behind it it is not comfortable. Growth isn't comfortable.
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Speaker 2: It's not designed to be comfortable. It needs to make
13:38
Speaker 2: you stretch so that you can know that there is
13:41
Speaker 2: more to what you have right now in this moment.
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Speaker 2: Right So, what's one uncomfortable truth people need to hear
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Speaker 2: about personal growth.
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Speaker 1: It's going to force you to get uncomfortable and shake
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Speaker 1: things up. You're gonna be like Humpty dumpty. Everything's going
14:02
Speaker 1: to break and fall apart, and you have to have
14:05
Speaker 1: faith and confidence and knowing that if it fell apart,
14:08
Speaker 1: it can be glued back together and maybe even stronger.
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Speaker 1: So you just have to know that you know things
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Speaker 1: are not gonna You just got to know things are
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Speaker 1: going to fall apart in your life. Is not going
14:17
Speaker 1: to be comfortable, and then you have to get uncomfortable
14:19
Speaker 1: to get comfortable again, because if everything was stayed comfortable,
14:23
Speaker 1: you would never have a reason to stretch and grow
14:25
Speaker 1: or to see what capacity you have to stretch and
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Speaker 1: what you can in the amount of things you can endure.
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Speaker 1: You want to always check your endurance when and your
14:32
Speaker 1: your level of resilience when you're going through things, and
14:36
Speaker 1: see how much you can take, because you got to
14:37
Speaker 1: prove through you. You can't just stay in that one spot.
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Speaker 1: You got to see, Okay, man, I'm really stronger and
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Speaker 1: more resilient than I realized I was. And if I
14:44
Speaker 1: didn't go through this time or this period of turmoil,
14:47
Speaker 1: whatever is going on, I wouldn't have known that. So
14:50
Speaker 1: you know, you got to embrace it and know that
14:53
Speaker 1: you don't ask for it to be over. You just
14:55
Speaker 1: ask for God to give you the capacity to deal
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Speaker 1: with to go through it, because there's always a really
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Speaker 1: growth lesson and a gross spurt afterwards. Whatever you go through.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely you have to go through it to grow through it.
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Speaker 2: It's a process, like you said. And with that being said,
15:10
Speaker 2: what belief or habit keeps people stuck?
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Speaker 1: The loneness, lying to themselves, turning red flags to green
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Speaker 1: flags when it is red, holding people in their life
15:23
Speaker 1: too long that they say, oh, this is my day
15:26
Speaker 1: ones when they should have been a deep day twelves.
15:28
Speaker 1: It should have been got rid of them just basically
15:31
Speaker 1: just not being truthful with themselves and they shirking office.
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Speaker 1: Oh it's just whatever. No, they don't sit and take
15:38
Speaker 1: that hard look at themselves, like you messing up and
15:40
Speaker 1: you should be further ahead, and you could be further ahead.
15:43
Speaker 1: Come on, does this all you want for your life?
15:45
Speaker 1: You can't have that conversation with yourself. The only person
15:48
Speaker 1: that know the real about you is you because you
15:50
Speaker 1: live with yourself every day. So you know when you're
15:53
Speaker 1: not doing your best. You know, I know when I'm
15:54
Speaker 1: not giving my best. I know when I'm kind of
15:57
Speaker 1: just skimming the surface and other people you're not oblivious.
16:01
Speaker 1: When you're grown, you know that you're not giving something,
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Speaker 1: you're awe you know, or doing better than you could
16:06
Speaker 1: be doing. You mm hm, you know that about you.
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Speaker 2: You know that about yourself, or you should know that
16:13
Speaker 2: about yourself. But people, some people are just they don't
16:16
Speaker 2: want to accountability. They don't want to take that accountability,
16:19
Speaker 2: so they try to put the spotlight on some people,
16:23
Speaker 2: on others and not themselves because if it's on them
16:26
Speaker 2: so long, they get uncomfortable with Okay, they gonna find
16:29
Speaker 2: out who I am and they and it's gonna come
16:31
Speaker 2: to surface, and then I'm gonna have to deal with
16:33
Speaker 2: what I've been hiding or trying to keep hidden. But
16:37
Speaker 2: there's always somebody watching that knows the stuff that you
16:41
Speaker 2: try to conceal Right, mm hmm. What's one hard lesson
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Speaker 2: that has shaped who you are today?
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Speaker 1: One hard lesson I had to learn was to I
16:55
Speaker 1: can be myself, but I can't be myself with everybody.
17:01
Speaker 1: I'm always gonna be myself, but I was being myself
17:03
Speaker 1: with people who miss took it, who abused it, who
17:08
Speaker 1: mistaked my kindness for weakness. So I'm not gonna say, well,
17:11
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like I'm gonna be a terrible person.
17:14
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a mean person from here on out. No,
17:16
Speaker 1: I'm gonna still be the same kind person. It's just
17:18
Speaker 1: gonna be levels to it. And who gets what Some
17:22
Speaker 1: people get the surface kindness, some people get the kindness
17:25
Speaker 1: that leads them to the inside of my heart. So
17:27
Speaker 1: I had to learn how to decipher between the bulls.
17:29
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Absolutely, what is one reality that people need
17:35
Speaker 2: to understand about love and relationships?
17:39
Speaker 1: You have to realize with love and relationships that it
17:42
Speaker 1: starts with you first, and you got to find the
17:46
Speaker 1: love within yourself first instead of most people. Some people
17:49
Speaker 1: I feel like they search for that love outside themselves
17:52
Speaker 1: and then one that doesn't work out, they feel like
17:54
Speaker 1: they're half a person or they feel unloved. But when
17:57
Speaker 1: you love yourself and you trust yourself to make a
18:00
Speaker 1: good decision for yourself, and you know your spirit of
18:02
Speaker 1: discernment is is high or sharpen, you can trust yourself
18:08
Speaker 1: to try and take that leap of faith when it
18:10
Speaker 1: comes to love. And then you're gonna be on alert
18:12
Speaker 1: for all the signs, the danger signs and the red
18:15
Speaker 1: flags that you feel. You're not gonna ignore them. You're
18:17
Speaker 1: gonna look at it for what it is, and then
18:19
Speaker 1: you're gonna know how to make an exit plan early
18:21
Speaker 1: on when you feel like you know what this feels familiar,
18:24
Speaker 1: this is Philly. I feel I've been down this road already.
18:27
Speaker 1: I'm seeing how this plan out and abort the plan.
18:29
Speaker 1: They stay. People stay, Oh yeah, you stay too long
18:33
Speaker 1: because you think it's going to change, because you think
18:36
Speaker 1: your love is strong enough to change them, and it's not.
18:38
Speaker 1: Because if that person on the other end doesn't want
18:40
Speaker 1: to make those changes and be able to accept healthy
18:44
Speaker 1: love and to be a healthy lover. It's not going
18:46
Speaker 1: to happen. So individual self.
18:51
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we have to and we have to set those
18:53
Speaker 2: boundaries that I'm not going to compromise the love that
18:56
Speaker 2: I deserve because I know that the love that I
18:58
Speaker 2: give myself and I know that the love love that
19:00
Speaker 2: I'm getting from God. He does not want me to
19:03
Speaker 2: be half love. And a lot of people find that
19:06
Speaker 2: out too late and then they don't leave because of
19:09
Speaker 2: history or familiality and they feel like, dang, I just
19:14
Speaker 2: this is the life that I have. No, that doesn't.
19:17
Speaker 2: He didn't put us here to go through life and
19:18
Speaker 2: be miserable. Right.
19:20
Speaker 1: I know each time that I've been in a relationship
19:23
Speaker 1: and when they didn't work out or whatever, I had
19:25
Speaker 1: to take it back to myself where was I at
19:28
Speaker 1: and myself what was I going through? Because sometimes when
19:31
Speaker 1: you depending on where you're your launch your launch pad,
19:34
Speaker 1: where you're at and your emotional wellbeing or where you're
19:37
Speaker 1: at in your own brokenness or whatever, you will attract
19:40
Speaker 1: you will you'll go through a relationship with someone who
19:43
Speaker 1: feeds that and who doesn't you know, So you got
19:46
Speaker 1: to make sure that you before you even try to
19:48
Speaker 1: be in love or be having love with someone, make
19:50
Speaker 1: sure you have a certain amount of holeness yourself that
19:53
Speaker 1: you you know, have to heal and you got to
19:55
Speaker 1: feel the heal. So make sure you feel all your
19:57
Speaker 1: things that you need to heal and work on that
20:00
Speaker 1: where you come and bring in and deposit into someone else.
20:02
Speaker 1: It's like, if you don't have a capacity to have
20:04
Speaker 1: a healthy love or receive it or give it, stay
20:07
Speaker 1: to yourself and put hurting other people.
20:08
Speaker 2: With yours, you know, and ability, because that person hurt people,
20:13
Speaker 2: hurt people, and that person is going to go on
20:15
Speaker 2: to hurt somebody else, and then we have like a
20:19
Speaker 2: cycle of hurt people that's going out there saying that
20:22
Speaker 2: they're looking for relationships, but they don't have that, like
20:25
Speaker 2: you said, capacity to know when love is healthy. Right,
20:31
Speaker 2: All about the healthy love, All about the healthy love.
20:33
Speaker 2: You guys have been listening to Kicking the Wikiki Life
20:37
Speaker 2: Love and mindset. We are here with Coach Joy of
20:39
Speaker 2: Joy for connections. This has been an amazing episode thus far.
20:43
Speaker 2: We're gonna move on to our action step because mindset
20:46
Speaker 2: without action does not create change. So in your opinion
20:50
Speaker 2: coach Joy. What is one action someone can take daily
20:55
Speaker 2: to shift their mindset daily?
20:59
Speaker 1: You need to wake up and choose yourself. First of all.
21:03
Speaker 1: You need to wake up and realize, you know what,
21:05
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect and I'm not striving to be perfect.
21:09
Speaker 1: I'm just start striving to be efficient and perfect enough
21:13
Speaker 1: for me, and you just have to wait. Every day.
21:16
Speaker 1: It's a daily choice that you wake up to.
21:19
Speaker 2: You know what.
21:19
Speaker 1: I'm gonna work on this thing. I'm not gonna just
21:21
Speaker 1: wake up and feel like i have life by the tail,
21:23
Speaker 1: because none of us do. I'm gonna wake up and
21:25
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a conscious action steps towards making sure
21:29
Speaker 1: that I'm learning more. I'm doing some self development, I'm
21:33
Speaker 1: doing some listening to some good books. I'm gonna take
21:36
Speaker 1: in gather information because information is what's going to help
21:39
Speaker 1: you get to the next level of yourself, because you can't.
21:42
Speaker 1: You're not gonna learn anything new if you're still doing
21:43
Speaker 1: the same thing that you're doing, if you're just relying
21:45
Speaker 1: on yourself the things that you got. You got to
21:48
Speaker 1: go sometime outside of yourself and gain more information that
21:51
Speaker 1: you can apply to your life and just become an
21:53
Speaker 1: information junkie to learn some things. If you really want
21:56
Speaker 1: to shift your life and be better and to get
21:59
Speaker 1: in a different place, learn it and embrace and be
22:02
Speaker 1: with brown people. Or even if you listen to audio
22:04
Speaker 1: books of people who've been through these things already and
22:07
Speaker 1: they can teach you and show you how they got
22:09
Speaker 1: out of it, and you can just take bits and
22:10
Speaker 1: pieces that you're willing to, you know, execute to see
22:13
Speaker 1: if it will help you with your journey.
22:16
Speaker 2: That's what i'd absolutely So we're all about the mindset
22:20
Speaker 2: shifts and research. What do you do personally to reset
22:24
Speaker 2: yourself when life feels overwhelming?
22:28
Speaker 1: I need go more within Like I like to go through.
22:33
Speaker 2: I go.
22:33
Speaker 1: I like to sit with myself and think and be like, hey,
22:35
Speaker 1: what could I have done differently? And what should I
22:37
Speaker 1: do differently? And then I go. Prayer helps me. Prayer
22:41
Speaker 1: is huge for me, you know Lord. I need I
22:43
Speaker 1: spend some a long time with God and be like,
22:45
Speaker 1: you know, Lord, I'm getting ahead of you and I'm
22:48
Speaker 1: getting ahead of myself. So I need you to I
22:51
Speaker 1: need to step back because I asked you to lead me,
22:54
Speaker 1: and I'm stepping in front of you. So I get
22:56
Speaker 1: my butt in the backseat like I'm supposed to be
22:59
Speaker 1: and let God and then I follow a falling life.
23:02
Speaker 1: Sometime I got to get back in alignment with what
23:05
Speaker 1: God's plan is for my life or what He's downloading
23:07
Speaker 1: into me. And sometime I have to turn down the
23:09
Speaker 1: noise of other people. I may have to say no,
23:12
Speaker 1: I can't come to the birthday party or the family event,
23:15
Speaker 1: because being in tune with myself and being aligned with
23:18
Speaker 1: what God has for my life and mapping out for
23:19
Speaker 1: me is more important than me going to sit in
23:21
Speaker 1: front of a plate of chicken wings right now. I
23:23
Speaker 1: got to get myself together, so I have to. Sometime
23:27
Speaker 1: I go off to myself and I do quiet things.
23:30
Speaker 1: I love to color with my adult coloring books that
23:33
Speaker 1: kind of recenters me. I like to open the windows
23:36
Speaker 1: and look at the sun and you set my circadium rhythm.
23:38
Speaker 1: I like to do things that makes me more present
23:40
Speaker 1: with myself and that helps me get more clearity. And
23:43
Speaker 1: I'm like okay, and it's like all these little things
23:45
Speaker 1: drop like okay, okay, I got this, And then when
23:48
Speaker 1: I come back on, I'm like, I'm back, everybody, let's
23:51
Speaker 1: continue on. I have to do it like that.
23:54
Speaker 2: Absolutely come on what you say.
23:57
Speaker 1: Circadium rhythm, candieum rhythm is you get up, you gotta
24:02
Speaker 1: set you get up. I look out sign whether it's
24:04
Speaker 1: sun or nothing. And my son taught me that about that.
24:07
Speaker 1: It's very important because it tells your mind and send
24:10
Speaker 1: to me getting up looking at screens and looking at
24:13
Speaker 1: what's on Facebook and Instagram. He said, make the first
24:16
Speaker 1: thing you see is nature and outside the sun or whatever,
24:19
Speaker 1: because it's going to let and let you know in
24:20
Speaker 1: your brain and your whole body it says it's morning time.
24:24
Speaker 1: So and it kind of helps set your day. And
24:26
Speaker 1: so that's what I've been doing, me map my day
24:28
Speaker 1: and get it whatever. So you reset that circcadian rhythm.
24:31
Speaker 1: That way, when it's time for evening time to come,
24:33
Speaker 1: you start seeing the sun go down. That signals to
24:36
Speaker 1: your body and your nervous system, Okay, we're approaching night time.
24:39
Speaker 1: That means wind down. That means turning off you've been
24:42
Speaker 1: worrying about you're running for, which is going to give
24:45
Speaker 1: you a better rest and when you rest well, you
24:47
Speaker 1: have more clearity. So that's really important to me. I'm
24:50
Speaker 1: actually doing the seventy five day challenge. It's called the
24:53
Speaker 1: Heart Challenge, seventy five days Heart Challenge. So I'm doing
24:57
Speaker 1: that with my son, and so it's like my day
24:59
Speaker 1: is blocked out, you know, and like certain times a
25:02
Speaker 1: day from this time to day to this, you do this,
25:04
Speaker 1: afternoon time, you do this, healthy lunch, ten minutes of mindfulness,
25:09
Speaker 1: do a little like exercise, do your little chores. Then
25:12
Speaker 1: the next block of times. So I've been doing that.
25:13
Speaker 1: This is my third week, and I really love it.
25:15
Speaker 1: It has really gotten me more present and I give
25:18
Speaker 1: a chance to see where my hours of my day
25:19
Speaker 1: is going. And I don't do it perfectly, but I've
25:22
Speaker 1: been just getting better and better and sync with it
25:24
Speaker 1: every week. So I've been doing that just to restructurize
25:27
Speaker 1: my day and myself.
25:29
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that if we don't challenge ourselves,
25:32
Speaker 2: we can get stuck in old cycles that are not
25:36
Speaker 2: working for us. So I challenge anybody do something different,
25:41
Speaker 2: challenge us something to do something different. I'm training for
25:43
Speaker 2: a marathon right now because I want to run a
25:45
Speaker 2: marathon before I turn fifty. I have two years started
25:48
Speaker 2: training in March. My body is starting to change. I
25:52
Speaker 2: feel amazing and it's just transformative. I cannot describe it.
25:59
Speaker 2: That's the only word that I can use to describe it.
26:02
Speaker 2: I am enjoying it like my body hurt. That means
26:05
Speaker 2: it's working. But I'm in welcome in it. I'm not.
26:08
Speaker 2: I'm not just I'm showing up. Just put it like that.
26:10
Speaker 2: I'm showing up.
26:11
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. And you don't have to show up perfect.
26:14
Speaker 1: That's a great part where we think, oh, I ain't
26:15
Speaker 1: gonna do it because I'm not doing that wrong. And
26:17
Speaker 1: my endurance, you're gonna you're building your endurance. I don't
26:21
Speaker 1: care lands and the race you went. You ran the race.
26:24
Speaker 1: That's what matters.
26:25
Speaker 2: Absolutely. So coach John, tell the listeners how they can
26:29
Speaker 2: work with you, where you hang out at how can
26:32
Speaker 2: they get in touch at you if they wanted to
26:34
Speaker 2: get like a discovery call or you know, whatever you
26:37
Speaker 2: offer in your coaching business. Go ahead and tell the
26:40
Speaker 2: people where you where you are.
26:43
Speaker 1: On Instagram TikTok. Instagram is a joyful connections life, coaching
26:50
Speaker 1: and my bio. There's a link you can clink on
26:53
Speaker 1: my on my website. I offer chats also too. Because
26:56
Speaker 1: some people don't need coaching, I do the chance for
26:59
Speaker 1: people who just need a regular conversation. That way, I
27:02
Speaker 1: can still help other people because people do love to
27:04
Speaker 1: talk to me. But so it's not all just hairstylists.
27:07
Speaker 1: I have my coaching for the hairstylist, and I also
27:10
Speaker 1: offer these fifteen minutes and I offer fifteen minute and
27:13
Speaker 1: thirty minute chats with coach Joy. I made them so
27:17
Speaker 1: economical because some people just need someone to talk to
27:19
Speaker 1: that they're not going to hear the things they're going through.
27:22
Speaker 1: They can't go to a family member. This is for
27:24
Speaker 1: me and or women these calls and many people utilize those,
27:27
Speaker 1: and then once they do those, it's kind of a
27:29
Speaker 1: lead in. I use it as a lead magnet too.
27:31
Speaker 1: But sometimes they say, you know, I think I'm going
27:33
Speaker 1: to coach with you because I coach beauty professionals. But
27:35
Speaker 1: if somebody else wants coaching personal development things or build confidence,
27:39
Speaker 1: I'll still coach them also. But I do that, and
27:42
Speaker 1: it's just really I call a mood boosting chats, and
27:44
Speaker 1: then I have coaching offers which are in like three months,
27:48
Speaker 1: six months, and twelve month offers. Also, I'm working on
27:52
Speaker 1: a communication, just a specific thing because I'm finding that
27:55
Speaker 1: people are having a hard time with effective communication in
27:58
Speaker 1: the beauty's industry and out. So I'm working on some
28:01
Speaker 1: little module for that that i want to add to
28:03
Speaker 1: my website where if somebody just want to take the
28:05
Speaker 1: communication part when they want to learn to speak with
28:07
Speaker 1: authority and be bold in there speaking and being effective
28:11
Speaker 1: and using their words and finding their voice. I want
28:13
Speaker 1: to add that on too. So I'm working on that
28:15
Speaker 1: behind the scenes. And then I'm writing for the magazine.
28:18
Speaker 1: And then I'm just joined this other community of it's
28:21
Speaker 1: called Black Women Do Heal. I'm in that. I do
28:24
Speaker 1: that in this every Tuesday evening. It's wonderful. I'm just
28:27
Speaker 1: always in these different spaces because the more spaces that
28:29
Speaker 1: I get, I'm better. I can better serve the people
28:31
Speaker 1: who come to me for what they need. You know,
28:34
Speaker 1: TikTok Facebook, TikTok is Joyful Connections Life Coaching. Facebook is
28:39
Speaker 1: Joy Harris. That's my name, And you can find me
28:41
Speaker 1: in those places and book your appointments and I would
28:44
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. My discovery calls are complementary.
28:47
Speaker 1: For now, I'm going to change that. But right now,
28:49
Speaker 1: if you want to have just a conflimary call to
28:51
Speaker 1: see what will be a good fit for coaching with
28:53
Speaker 1: each other. You can do that's thirty minutes, and it's
28:56
Speaker 1: a thirty minute call, and I can tell you you
28:58
Speaker 1: know what I'm about, and you can tell your culturable
29:00
Speaker 1: topics and that's how you can meet you reach.
29:03
Speaker 2: Out for me absolutely, Thank you for plugging yourself, Thank
29:07
Speaker 2: you for giving us that information. Before we wrap up.
29:10
Speaker 2: I always ask for a might drop moment. So if
29:13
Speaker 2: you could say something to someone right now about mindset
29:20
Speaker 2: or life experiences that you've came overcame and gone through,
29:25
Speaker 2: what would it might drop moment be.
29:29
Speaker 1: Right now. I'm really huge on just self acceptance, accepting
29:33
Speaker 1: yourself as is and make the corrections and changes that
29:37
Speaker 1: you want, but first embracing yourself as is. You are
29:41
Speaker 1: who you are because that's who God designed you to be.
29:43
Speaker 1: And you get the decors, like you get to decorate
29:46
Speaker 1: your palette how you want to do it. You get this.
29:48
Speaker 1: It's like you're in this empty canvas. You get to
29:50
Speaker 1: color the way you want. So I would like for
29:53
Speaker 1: people to know that, you know, just show just showing
29:56
Speaker 1: up as that's the first major step. Just showing up,
30:00
Speaker 1: look in the mirror at yourself. Take the time when
30:02
Speaker 1: they just look at yourself, not just to hurb and
30:03
Speaker 1: brush your teeth whatever, you know, take a long look
30:05
Speaker 1: at yourself and just take in yourself and and just
30:09
Speaker 1: to realize that you are one of one. There's nobody
30:12
Speaker 1: in the world that could ever be like you, even
30:14
Speaker 1: if they try, they can put a mask on, they
30:15
Speaker 1: can do anything. It can be even your twin they
30:18
Speaker 1: don't even have the same DNA. There is nobody like
30:21
Speaker 1: you in the world. Nobody can ever be you. So
30:24
Speaker 1: that own only that uniqueness and that one thing, that
30:27
Speaker 1: one that you were created only to be you. That
30:29
Speaker 1: there's nobody else that can be you. That's a greatness.
30:32
Speaker 1: And then be in yourself because when you're faking to
30:34
Speaker 1: be someone else the Blessings guy has planned for your life,
30:37
Speaker 1: They're not gonna reach you. They're gonna reach your faith
30:39
Speaker 1: version of you. You want to be your whatever that is.
30:42
Speaker 1: Embrace your vulnerability, share your story and not worry about
30:46
Speaker 1: the feedback or who want to accept there, or who's
30:48
Speaker 1: going to be murmuring and talking about it and clutching
30:50
Speaker 1: their pearls. So what it's your story, everything that you've
30:54
Speaker 1: been through. And I don't care if you've been in prison,
30:56
Speaker 1: I don't care where you being, because I don't care
30:58
Speaker 1: wherever you've been whatever, walking like you've come from. Those
31:01
Speaker 1: are other things that has been the components that make
31:03
Speaker 1: you who you are, and just embrace who you are
31:06
Speaker 1: self acceptance, be okay with you if you're a little fat,
31:09
Speaker 1: if you're a little short, if you got a big nose,
31:12
Speaker 1: if you got funny, flappy arms. Embrace everything because that's
31:15
Speaker 1: what makes you you. And as long as it's function
31:17
Speaker 1: in a way that is designed to function, embrace yourself
31:21
Speaker 1: and just be okayed with it. And whoever's not okayed
31:23
Speaker 1: with it is a dim problem, not yours.
31:25
Speaker 2: My drop, My drop for real, my drop. So this
31:29
Speaker 2: is the question that I ask all of my guests
31:31
Speaker 2: moving forward because it's a new signature, kicking it with Kiki. Question.
31:36
Speaker 2: When life challenges you and love stretches you, what mindset
31:41
Speaker 2: keeps you grounded.
31:44
Speaker 1: Knowing that everything's going to level out. Then this is
31:48
Speaker 1: a process I have to go through to get to
31:50
Speaker 1: another higher level in myself and a better version of
31:53
Speaker 1: myself that I have to go through. Sometimes you got
31:56
Speaker 1: to go through hard things, and I tell myself I
31:58
Speaker 1: can do hard things. I can endure hard things because
32:02
Speaker 1: I know that when if God's taking me through something,
32:05
Speaker 1: He's not gonna just leave me learn. He got something
32:07
Speaker 1: beautiful waiting on the other side of whatever that something is.
32:10
Speaker 1: So I keep that mindset. It's like, I'm going to
32:12
Speaker 1: get through this and I don't ask God remove this, No,
32:15
Speaker 1: give me the capacity to go through this because I
32:17
Speaker 1: can't wait to see what's on the other side, which
32:19
Speaker 1: You're going to show me over there. Because it always
32:21
Speaker 1: a learning tool, is always a teaching lesson, is always
32:24
Speaker 1: something that you can apply to your life, and it
32:26
Speaker 1: just helps you grow and show up that much more
32:28
Speaker 1: and better in life.
32:31
Speaker 2: I love it. So thank you Coach Jor for tuning
32:33
Speaker 2: in and being here. Thank you guys for listening and
32:37
Speaker 2: tuning in. If this conversation spoke to you, make sure
32:40
Speaker 2: that you subscribe to the channel and share it with
32:44
Speaker 2: someone who needs it. Remember your story has power. I'm
32:49
Speaker 2: gonna say it again, your story has power, Your voice
32:53
Speaker 2: has purpose, and your mindset can change everything. Keep growing, create, loving,
32:59
Speaker 2: actually loving on yourself, and keep your mindset strong. I'll
33:04
Speaker 2: see you next time. Purple hugs later MHM. Begin it
33:10
Speaker 2: with Kee. Keep h