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Barely Legal HR™ - Pilot Episode · Barely Legal HR

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is Dr.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fraser Crane.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm listening.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, you see I'm wearing my favorite shirt, wake up sluts.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is time to sin.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Made an executive choice, perhaps a poorly advised one, to, in deciding to show my face for this podcast.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, but as nice as this is, I got a lot of shit up here.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to get out.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I am ready to give it to you listeners, viewers, whatever.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I have been in HR for about 17 years.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I hold a degree in HR, and I have my certification, which only 11% of HR professionals actually have, which I thought was interesting.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I have the PHR, I have my thoughts about PHR versus the SPHR, I'm sorry, the Sherm CP bullshit cash grabs that came out later and are not as established.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: That is just my point of view.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I won't get into that, viewers.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here for the lay person.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am an HR renegade.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am the one that was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh actually, I still am.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I have worked for billion-dollar companies at the executive HR levels for a long fucking time now.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know my shit and I know what companies do to people every day.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know what companies do to exploit people.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I am ready to dish everything.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to talk about the companies as far as anything that's detailed that would give something away so they can sue me to Kingdom Come.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they might, you know, and that's that's uh just what comes with the territory.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: However, I wanted to discuss the industries I've worked in.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have people on the show to talk about the different industries that they work in and the problems they're seeing these days because it's constantly changing.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how AI is changing the landscape.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So this is an introductory thing, but we can expand.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want um emails from viewers.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are you going through?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are you filing for unemployment?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I know everything about filing for unemployment and how to have your best chances of winning.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the best chances, cut.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't know when filing for unemployment their rights.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The uh way that employers look at things, the fact that 69, 70%, 75% always win on appeal.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: In my entire career, and I've seen a lot of unemployment cases, I have only seen two appeals, and they both won, and they were egregious, ridiculous, highly detailed, documented situations, and they still won unemployment.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you will win unemployment if you file for an appeal.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: They like to kind of like social uh security disability income.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: They'll deny everybody at first, and then when you appeal, they will give it to you for the most part.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: That being said, I I have all kinds of crazy stories.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have seen people, unfortunately, I've seen people, you know, die at work multiple different ways.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have seen people running math labs out of the hotel, I have seen people running naked, inebriated through the streets, through the facility.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have seen it all, and it I it people never cease to amaze uh amaze me in the best and the worst of ways.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not about me being jaded.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know why people act out, be wild and out at work.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know why people do what they do.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It I've become a glorified therapist.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: People tell me things that I but am not ready for, will never be ready for, that I needed therapy.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: But really, our lives, people act as though, oh, keep work at work and home and home.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're human beings and our personal lives and professional lives do affect each other.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I have seen people, I've seen crack pipes and people shooting up.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen, and and these are I I have seen executives snorting coke off their desks at work before they go give a big presentation.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Can I say that I personally have not indulged in some of the things that I have ended up having to terminate people for, and I did not agree with it.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've also grown from being a baby HR and being told that everyone is replaceable, everyone is disposable.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I have come from being a strict piece of shit bitch to someone who understands the human condition, and I am here to make amends.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I am here to tell America what it's like in the upper echelons of HR and on the ground level and the way that employers exploit you, take from you every day.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's fight back, America.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things I want to talk about, some of the things that are in store for us, are first of all vulgarity, okay?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am half Pakistani, half Swedish, okay?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is why I look as white as I do, but I have a little bit of brown, a little bit of spicy, okay?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I say punt and fuck, all right?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just get that out there right out of the way.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a kid-friendly show.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: There is a reason I live alone in the middle of the woods and I'm not married.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: I am 37 years old, and uh yeah, it's because I didn't settle, right?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: But seriously, I'm batshit insane and I am very vulgar.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't deal with that, uh swipe left or right or whichever one it is.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: With that being said, if you are a working person, I am here for you and I am ready to help people fight back against this system that has not only gotten us into this wage um stagnation while rent prices are rising, while prices for goods, basic goods and services, groceries are just you know off the roof.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not someone who's gonna get too much into politics.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell you about your rights, I will educate you, I will listen to you, and I want to know your story.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want to spread your story.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to email me.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Email me, viewers, uh, or listeners, legal hr.com.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably asking yourselves, she's about to divulge everything.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, and normally I have something a little more classy, but uh right now I actually do have a solo cup for my uh pilot for my debut um for my debut episode.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: How perfect is that?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: But typically you can see me with a Cabernet Sauvignon, and I am dishing all the deets.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's the keys to the vaults right there, Bubba.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That is what you want.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I am just slightly inebriated and I'm ready to spill the beans.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things I want to talk about, and in no particular order, recruiting, interview questions.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we'll have a section called one thing I love to tell people.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I used to do a workshop with folks that were trying to get back to work through uh nonprofit organizations.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: They were recipients of Snap and TANF and things of that nature.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I used to have a workshop that I unofficially called Your Resume Sucks.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you why.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you all the things that they're looking for in recruiting.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you all the ins and outs of the software systems that are being used, as well as just simple day-to-day.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I fucking hate that song and dance because everybody's lying to each other.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I can tell you all about that.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about my craziest stories in HR, and trust me, I've got a lot of them, and they just keep coming back to me.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I meticulously, because I'm neurodivergent as fuck, I have all these journals for and and they go back for years and years and years.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to break them open.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about documentations, write-ups, oh, and the euphemisms in HR.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking love those.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: HR used to be called the personnel department.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's called um human resources.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm imagining it's because everybody fucking hates us and we all know why, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh everyone's told that we're not your friend and that we're there to protect the company.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But we love to do the the euphemisms and the worm and fuzzies and the proverbial, well, not even proverbial.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh oh, we had a pizza party to show you how much we are so thankful that you just made a quarter of a million dollars over the sales quota this quarter.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So good job.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Here's some donuts at the morning meeting.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I fucking hate that shit.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um let's call it out.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So they used to be called write-ups.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's documentation.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, uh it has changed, it has evolved even from there.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: The next euphemism, love this one, folks.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's called um corrective action because we don't want to make it sound as harsh as it is, even though you definitely will get fired for it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Job descriptions, performance evaluations.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: These are critical, folks.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Performance improvement plans.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, if you're on one of those, call me, folks.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I may not be a lawyer.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, this is barely legal, HR.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Workers' compensation, unemployment, again, it's it that's a big one.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let me help you with that.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Benefits, open enrollment, leave of absence, FMLA, ADA.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of folks don't know that if you're not eligible for FMLA just because you haven't been with the company a year or 1250 hours, or they didn't have the amount of folks, you are eligible for the ADA.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me help you.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: OSHA safety bullshit.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking love that stuff.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Payroll, training, learning development, orientations.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Those are always my favorite day.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's the one day that everybody fucking loves their job the most that they ever will.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's all downhill from here, honey.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Accommodations.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, let's let's talk about accommodations and how to make them happen.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about um the National Labor Relations Board.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the Department of Labor.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about honesty on resumes, and let me tell you how to get around those systems because we all have gaps in our resume.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: We all fucking we're not perfect at our last jobs or whatever, and sometimes you do get terminated and it's bullshit and it's not fair.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Here's how you get around some of those checks.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you about background checks.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you about what they look for, what they really don't.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you how to get around that shit.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you how to get around reference checks.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell you about oh god, the lost Lenore pensions, honey.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you find a fucking job, I don't care if it's a janitor or whatever, and I'm not hating on janitors.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, don't even get me started about how hard those folks work and how exploited they are.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because I worked in hospitality and the folks that are cleaning and stuff.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, don't even get me started.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if you find a job that is a pension and you quit, I'm coming for you.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Personally.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, everyone that has a pension, hit me up, okay?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still single.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So again, it's a total mystery why.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: But hey, pension people hit me up, okay?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Termination processes, okay?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let me do an autopsy.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your severance agreement.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let me go back and look at when they decided to terminate you.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do they have on you?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And what do they not have on you?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I guarantee a ton of people, even in the upper echelons of huge name companies, billion-dollar companies like I have worked for, had no structure, did not know what the fuck they were doing, and had lawyers out the ass or consultants out the ass that were not worth their salt.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, they fuck up all the time.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about companies that may threaten to go to court and they may say they won't settle, and they'll put you through the ringer.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, they always settle.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about how you can get what you are worth.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let me talk to you about you getting what you earned.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And let's fight back, America.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so ready.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, those are just those are just a few things that I want to talk about with barely legal HR.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna be a fucking crazy, degenerate, biracial, whatever the fuck euphemism we have for that these days, all along the way.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I might look kind of cute doing it.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't really care about that, but I put on fucking makeup for you and I put I put on pants.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't strain my hair.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I always say if I strain my hair, shit is going down.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that being said, America, this is barely legal, HR.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am.