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The 10 Voices of Self-Sabotage · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning, afternoon, or evening, based on whatever time it is when you have decided to tune in to this episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Comedy Wood, and I am very grateful that you've decided to take a few minutes of your day and spend it with me.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today I wanted to actually bring to the forefront the idea of how there can be different voices or different saboteurs, shall we call them, that could prevent our happiness and success in our lives.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Self-sabotage involves a negative mindset that reduces our motivation and overall hinders our chances for success and happiness.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: We notice them a lot of times both in our professional and our personal lives.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who are maybe trying to move up the ladder, the corporate ladder, those those voices or those saboteurs could keep you from maybe moving to the next level.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And in our personal lives, sometimes it prevents us from reaching all of our potentials, just even in the relationships we have.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because negative beliefs about our abilities and our intelligence and the just the traits that we have contribute to low self-esteem and start to keep us from being able to move forward.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And those self-sabotaging beliefs can actually stem sometimes back to our childhood, not because of a big T trauma, but because of just messages we received when we were younger or experiences we had, and they get internalized.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then the the part of our mind that uh uh internalizes it and exempl uh makes it, you know, magnifies it, shall we say, uh, can just create those sabotaging patterns that just get imprinted on our neural pathways and the way that we approach things and the habits that we we have, which then stick to our ability to, when we're when we are in our adult lives, it's harder for us to maybe turn off that voice.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So um uh actually there's a a coach uh by the name of Shirad Shamin.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um he actually has a book on positive intelligence, and he actually named these uh these 10 saboteurs.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to run through some of those with you because you might notice, you might notice some of that in yourself.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's not about making judging yourself for and saying, you know, oh my gosh, I have that saboteur.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's to say, you know, we're human, we're all gonna have maybe one of these or two of these, or a combination of that pop up at different times.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the the goal is to allow that to exist, acknowledge and accept that it's there, but then also build the mindset and the ability to shift and put your energy into a different way of looking at it, shifting to the what is possible uh parts of our brains rather than giving in to the saboteurs.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the ten saboteurs that create these sabotaging behaviors that he's named are the judge, controller, hyper-achiever, restless, stickler, pleaser, hyper-vigilant, avoider, victim, and hyper-rational.
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  SPEAKER_00: So just to dive into them briefly, the judge is the master saboteur.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one that he claims that we all have.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the inner voice that keeps telling you that you're not good enough and beating you up for those past mistakes, shifting you into the mindset of regret, possibly warning you about possible risks, and the one that keeps you awake at night.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: The judge is your inner critic that prov provokes the other saboteurs uh and kind of keeps that vicious cycle of self-blame, guilt, regret, and shame.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the judge will use the assistance of the other saboteurs to reduce productivity and, you know, um have a harmful effect on relationships and just diminish your chances for success and happiness.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Truthfully, the judge is the source of stress, anxiety, and depression and is essential to recognize when your inner judge hat is popping up.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the judge can also pop up in the frame of reference of judging others as well.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So when we catch ourselves having judgment upon others, that's again the saboteur at work.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: The controller is the anxiety-provoked saboteur that wants to take charge and control every situation.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this inner force that pushes you to connect with others through competition and conflicts instead of through emotions and bonding.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: The controller causes you to experience a lot of anxiety when things are not going your way, which can lead to conflicts in relationships because it sometimes it does push us to intimidate people.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It can also create conflict in the workplace because when we try to control all the things, sometimes what we end up doing is maybe micromanaging or taking away our team members' ability to have autonomy over what they're working on.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The hyperachiever focuses on achievement.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because of this mindset, when the hyperachiever is activated, your self-respect actually is dependent upon your performance and accomplishments.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: This can sometimes turn you into a workaholic or a perfectionist when you're never quite satisfied with yourself.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's that feeling of what you're doing can never be good enough.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you only feel worthy when you are successful because the hyperachiever pushes you to do the best at everything you do, and it causes you to feel empty inside.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've heard people recently say to me, especially when they're exhibiting the hyperachiever, there's almost this fear that pops up that says, if I don't, if I don't listen to that hyperachiever voice, then I'll just settle for mediocrity.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about mediocrity, it's all it's also recognizing that perfection is not something that actually exists.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there are moments where you can say, I've done the best I can.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And those accomplishments aren't who make you who you are.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're already who you are by your own being, in that the rightness of who you are comes from your being, not through from the accomplishments that you make or do.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The restless saboteur is responsible for the constant fear of missing out, the impatience and dissatisfaction, causing you to always kind of look for that new stimulation.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one that is constantly searching for excitement and avoiding unfocusing on the here and now, never quite at peace with just how things are.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: The stickler saboteur is responsible for the perfectionism and for the excessive need for organization and order.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's the inner voice that makes you highly critical of yourself and also others, and is the source of constant frustration, anxiety, and disappointment of yourself and possibly others for just not being perfect.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the pleaser, which I wholeheartedly admit that's been my one of my biggest ones, uh, is the part of ourselves, the saboteur that has an excessive need to be liked and accepted by people.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So this person, when they're activated, that pleaser is activated.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: They are constantly trying to gain acceptance by pleasing others.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And when that happens, uh the person who is stuck in the pleasure mentality will start to uh lack assertiveness.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: They start to struggle with expressing their own needs open and directly, and they put other others' needs ahead of their own.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes which leads to feeling upset, and but because they're just so into pleasing others, they don't even they lose uh track of their own feelings and needs and actually start to sacrifice their own needs for the benefit of others.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: The hyper-vigilant saboteur doesn't allow you to rest because it is it it's the one that causes this constant and intense and ongoing anxiety about what could possibly go wrong.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one where that when you're in that hyper-vigilant state, you're you're basically stuck in that negativity bias where you're constantly worried about what could go wrong or you're constantly doubting yourself or others and always on the alert, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you're kind of always stuck in that fight or flight stage, which that when we and when we're in that stage for too long a period of time, you know, it really starts to shut down our creativity and our ability to look at challenges with a more open mind.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: There, the avoider is the saboteur that makes it hard to say no to other people's demands, uh, because basically the avoider is uh trying to avoid conflict, for instance, and also sometimes can use passive-aggressive strategies to avoid conflict, which can actually create bigger conflict with others.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then the final two are victim.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: The victim is excessively dramatic, unconsciously drawn to difficulties, and causes you to suppress anger, covering it with depression.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so when you are in the victim mode, um you you you tend to think that things are happening to you.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then the hyper-rational saboteur is all about the rational mind, which is why the other people perceive you as distant and cold, right?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're so stuck in trying to rationalize everything that uh and hyper-rationalize everything that it almost um doesn't account for any emotions or needs in the situation.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is this saboteur actually gets frustrated when when they feel that others are being emotional.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what ends up happening is you sometimes it can hurt relationships because you you might be starting to come off as arrogant or just unemotional or not able to connect.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so the the truth is it's not to, I'm not bringing these saboteurs up to you for you to judge.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's never about judgment, it's about when we can become aware of these, we can and we we we can acknowledge that, oh, that's that that voice, we can then start to take aligned action to shift from that place into what actually, you know, what is actually true, what would actually benefit us moving forward.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when we take those aligned actions, we're shifting our energy from giving into that voice and moving it to something that could be more productive for us in the long run.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to chat more about this, feel free to reach out at any time.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can book a call with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have an amazing day.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.