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How narcissists turn everyone against you and get most people on their side? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists turn
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  everybody else against you, how they turn all right, how to get
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  your friends and family against you.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back folks,
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  welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, yes, yes. How the hell do these toxic
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  narcissistic bastards turn people against you?
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  How do they get everybody on their side?
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  Why do people, why are people always believe in the narcissist
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  or the toxic person regardless of what they do?
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  Like why is it, why is that a thing?
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  Like how the hell is that possible?
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  Why is this a thing? I think a lot of people when
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  you're dealing with a narcissist, talk to people or
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  whatever, like reputation is everything.
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  This is one thing you have to realize.
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  Reputation is everything to a narcissist for a narcissist
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  around a narcissist about a narcissist, like reputation is
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  damn near its currency, right? If I, if I have a good
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  reputation, then I'm pretty much I got a good currency, right?
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  That's what happens. Like if I got a good reputation,
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  if I'm well liked, then that means I can get away with
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  certain things. So if I'm narcissist, people are
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  dead set on treating people well, right?
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  Not but except for you, they treat everybody else well,
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  except for you. They do good deeds for everybody
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  else. They are the they they're kind,
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  caring, charismatic to everybody.
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  But you like you get the worst treatment.
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  So when they're being nice to everybody, when they're treating
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  everybody with the utmost respect, when they're doing
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  everything for everybody else, when they're going going to
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  change tires, when they're cooking Thanksgiving dinner,
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  when they're doing all of this stuff clear up, when, when
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  they're doing all of this stuff for everybody else, it's
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  building like reputation points, it's building currency.
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  It's like building things to store within this kind of
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  narcissistic bank account, right?
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  This is what happens. This is the mentality, this is
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  the mindset. So I tell people, like, if
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  you're dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person, right,
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  understand that this is how it's going to go.
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  This is what they're going to do.
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  Like they are going to try their damnedest to manipulate you.
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  Like, they will treat you badly, but they'll treat everybody else
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  around you good and they're going to blame you for it.
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  They're going to manipulate you into thinking that you are the
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  bad guy here, that you somehow, some way, shape or form deserve
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  to be treated this way. Like I, I only treat this treat
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  you this way because you act a certain type of way.
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  I only treat you badly because you behave badly.
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  You deserve what I'm doing to you.
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  You deserve what I'm putting you through.
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  Like the reason I'm so nice to our neighbors, to everybody at
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  this, at our kids school, to your parents, to your friends
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  and family, is because they deserve it.
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  They don't rub me the wrong way. They're not evil assholes,
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  they're not whores, they're not bums.
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  Whatever they want to call you, they'll make you feel like you
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  are the issue here. And why wouldn't, yeah, just be
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  real with you. If you don't understand what
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  you're going through, why wouldn't you feel like you were
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  the issue? Like, this is quite why I tell
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  people to take it easy yourself, because why wouldn't you feel
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  like you were the issue? If this person is behaving like
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  this person is treating you horribly, why wouldn't you feel
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  like you were the issue? So serious question because like
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  it's, it's, it's hard to rationalize like, OK, they're
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  treating everybody else good except for me.
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  Like then it must be me. What am I doing wrong?
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  So this is where this right here is a way that they triangulate
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  you. They triangulate you against
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  everybody else. Like you started, like you can
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  start being jealous of the other people around you that are
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  getting treated better by your partner or your parent or your
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  friend or whoever the narcissist is in your life.
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  You can start becoming jealous of how they're treating
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  everybody else, right? And that can make you become
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  distant. They make they can make you
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  create some distance between yourself and your family member
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  or whoever This is in this space right here to yourself from
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  yourself and your friends from yourself and whoever, like the
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  narcissist has employed in this like grand scheme.
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  This is the type of stuff that happens consistently, y'all.
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  And I know I hate to tell people this, but like this is going to
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  keep going on and on and on. It doesn't stop.
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  And like, even if you leave it, it might not stop.
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  Even if you break up and leave this person, divorce this
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  person, it doesn't mean that everybody's going to be on your
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  side. Like some people and I just,
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  yeah, I know I don't like, I don't like trying to be doom and
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  gloom on this channel. But some people will never see
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  the narcissist for who they are. I'll say it like that.
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  Some people, no matter how good you are to them, will never ever
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  see the narcissist for who they really are.
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  And I know that even sucks to tell people that like they want
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  you. They you won't, they won't see
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  them because they've been so good to them.
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  Just because you divorced them doesn't mean everybody else
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  will. Just because you break up with
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  them doesn't mean everybody else will.
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  You can try to set your boundaries and sometimes you can
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  draw a line in the sand like hey look I broke up with this person
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  because they were cheating on me, because they were beating on
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  me, because they were treating me horribly.
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  Like it hurts me to see y'all still being friends with them,
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  but still being cordial and inviting them places.
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  Like can you please stop doing that?
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  Like y'all my family, y'all my friends.
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  And sometimes they're going to say no and they're going to kick
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  kick you out of the group, they're going to cut you off or
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  they're going to make you feel like you're overreacting.
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  Guess what happens when they make you, When your friends and
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  family start making you feel like you're overreacting, guess
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  what happens? You start to doubt yourself.
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  Damn, was I overreacting in the relationship?
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  Was the relationship really that bad?
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  Was I actually to blame for what I was going through, for what I
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  was putting up with? You see the questions that are
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  going to start circling around in your head because of what
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  you're going through, because of what you're, because of what
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  you're experiencing. You see the stuff that starts to
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  happen because simple questions and things like that.
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  You see how it goes. That's the space that so many
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  people fall into. It really is.
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  That's the dynamic that so many people fall into right there is
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  that when you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people, when
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  you're dealing with abusers and users and things like that, like
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  you going to start to question yourself when you even when you
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  leave and people start, people start cutting you off because
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  you asked them to cut your, your ex off and you can start what's
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  not really the problem. And guess what happens?
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  You might end up going back, you might fall for a Hoover.
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  You might respond to a text message from your toxic ass ex
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  that you normally wouldn't respond to.
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  But because your friends and family have kind of joined in
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  and became flying monkeys and start contributing to the post
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  separation of abuse and the confusion that you might be
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  experiencing, guess what happens?
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  You respond to a text message that you normally wouldn't have.
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  You call them, you meet up with them, you sleep with them.
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  Now you're back in it. Now you got a baby on the way.
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  Now they pregnant by you. Whatever the situation may be
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  now y'all will move in together and then the behaviors start
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  over again and you start to see it again.
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  You start to see it even clearer.
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  You'd be like, why the hell did I come back?
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  You mean you can so ask yourself the question like why did I even
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  bother coming back If this is this is how they're going to be?
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  You mean this is a question you can so ask yourself?
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  Why? Why the hell did I come back if
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  this is how you're going to act? This is how you're going to
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  treat me? Why the hell would I come back
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  if this is how you're going to behave?
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  Why the hell would I come back if this is what I'm going to
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  get? Nothing has changed.
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  I'm not crazy. You're going to start to realize
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  it and guess what happens? You might have to start cutting
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  off your friends and family if they draw a line, if they draw a
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  line in the sandwich, you refuse to cut your people off, refuse
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  to cut your ex off. It sucks.
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  It's just like, not only do you lose your relationship, you
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  might start losing your relationships with your close
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  members, your close friends and close family, family members as
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  well because of this, because of how this person is treated you,
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  because of how this person is behaving, because of how things
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  are going. This is a truth.
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  It's like a truth serum. This is part of you.
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  Oh, yeah. This is how it's going to go.
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  And I hate the fact that so many people have to go through this
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  and experience this to survive and thrive.
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  But like, yeah, when you get out of it and you understand, like
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  that narcissistic person is just trying to protect their
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  reputation. Very rarely would they blow
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  their top in front of people, dude.
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  Now, they'll yell and scream at your ass behind closed doors,
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  but in front of people, they're in their best behavior.
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  They like, they're like a damn a nun.
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  I'm sorry. You're forgiven.
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  No, no, yes, babe. No, no, yes.
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  No, babe. Soon as you're in the car, I
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  hate your, I hate your God damn guts.
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  You're a hobby human being. You're this, you're that.
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  So this is how they get other people on their side by doing
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  good deeds for them, by being nice to them and things like
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  that. And they put you like, and it
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  puts you in this quandary where you just like, man, what did I
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  do wrong? Why am I not enough?
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  You might even ask them that. And that's like, that's going to
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  start a whole cycle of them. When you ask them why you're not
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  enough or why they treat you differently than everybody else,
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  you open the door up for some verbal abuse.
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  Like they might start yelling and screaming at you and just
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  unleashing on you as to why you don't deserve to be treated a
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  certain type of way, but everybody else does.
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  You don't deserve this, but everybody else do.
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  You see what I'm saying? This is the space that so many
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  people will fall into. This is the dynamic and stuff
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  that's been so many people will face and just crawl.
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  And like I said, it had to battle through intoxic abusive
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  relationships with narcissistic people.
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  You know, I hate that so many people got to go through this
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  and like, I know what you're going to say believe.
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  How do we get other people to see it?
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  Sometimes you can't again, say some people will never ever see
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  it, but sometimes you can. If you can get that you can, you
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  have you have to start documenting things, secretly
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  recording the person you like. Get some of them, the meta ray
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  bands, those glasses, get some of them meta ray bands to start
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  filming them with and stuff like that.
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  You get some of them meta ray bands and film them and that can
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  protect you right there. That can right?
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  That right there in and of in and of itself can help you out.
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  You know what I mean? That type of stuff can help you
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  out. It really can.
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  It's just like documenting things and being able to expose
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  them later on possibly or right now possibly you know when they
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  about to go into some narcissistic rage or something
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  like that. You can sense it like when y'all
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  leaving an event where they were kissing everybody else's ass and
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  being nice to everybody else and you know, you know the patterns.
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  You have to get very good at predicting their patterns.
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  Once you understand their patterns and how they operate
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  and what they do, that helps you because like I said, you know
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  when you get in the car you can get yelled and screamed at.
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  So hit that record button before you get it in the car and guess
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  what happens? You win that you're not.
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  I'll say you win. You get yelled at, the screamed
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  at, but now you have a recording of it.
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  But don't, don't let them hit there.
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  Don't let them hear that recording button go off because
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  then they start raging out or you take your phone and throw it
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  out the window or something. You know, just protect your
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  piece. Y'all protect yourselves and
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  whatnot. Yeah, yes, it's live now.
• 11:12
  Dallas and Houston, TX November the 2nd and November the 3rd.
• 11:18
  My next live in person Hilda from Narcissistic abuse
• 11:20
  workshops. Me and Thea Renee are putting
• 11:22
  these together. Maximum of 50 people each event.
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  You mean Dallas is on Saturday? Houston Sunday afternoon is
• 11:28
  going to be two amazing events live and in person.
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  Come get your questions answered and things like that.
• 11:32
  If you watch this video to the end, you can enter the code
• 11:35
  Mental MENMENT AL10 for 10% off and whatnot.
• 11:42
  If you watch this to the end, you want to register for the
• 11:43
  Dallas Houston, TX workshop or whatever, put the code in and
• 11:47
  I'll see y'all later. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
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  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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  another video or to browse to another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 12:08
  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.