Latest / Full Spectrum Cycling / Chewey’s Salon Chair #14 – Post Santa Rampage Recorded Live at 63 Club in Rochester, MN!

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Chewey’s Salon Chair #14 – Post Santa Rampage Recorded Live at 63 Club in Rochester, MN! · Full Spectrum Cycling

• 0:01
  [rock music] Oh, yeah.
• 0:21
  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, here we are coming live to you from 63 Club on December 4th at the Santa Rampage Rochester. To my left, Chewy Ron Moffitt. Across the...
• 0:38
  How do you say that? Sven [laughs] Tab- Table, table thingy [laughs] Table thingy. And to my right, Captain Lee Hackman out of Decorah, Iowa. Captain Lee. There's, there's no fucking edits on this.
• 0:48
  Quit screwing it up, would you, please? [laughs] I think... I feel like that went well. We're good. We're good. All right. So, kids, tonight we're doing...
• 0:55
  This is the, uh, this is the podcast that we've been promising, like, State Bicycle and everybody else we're gonna do forever. This is the Clunker Podcast. Yeah, but this is the podcast we shouldn't have done.
• 1:05
  [laughs] 'Cause we're like, "Don't do it in a bar. Don't..." We haven't, we haven't done it yet, but we should not have done it, just for future reference. We have three Santas and Mr. fucking...
• 1:13
  I heard costume meant the pirate coat, and he showed up from Milwaukee without a Santa costume. Lost my Santa costume.
• 1:18
  Some- somewhere along the line of the last dozen years of Santa Rampage in Milwaukee, I misplaced my Santa suit. And the closest thing you had was a space cowboy brown coat.
• 1:28
  It's Captain, Captain Jack Sparrow pirate suit. [laughs] Hey, there's only one captain here. Well, to be fair- Oh, yeah.
• 1:34
  [laughs] So we do have a pirate ride in Milwaukee that's been going on a lot of years, too, so you need different costumes for different events. Nothing. You can't...
• 1:41
  You guys can't compare to, uh, Dorset County in England does a pirate week, and that's like- Do they say, "Ah?" Oh, my God. It's like, don't even walk into that city unless you're fucking ready to go to the pirate thing.
• 1:54
  Whoa. Oh, yes. Pirate be all. Have you ever been a pirate up in, uh, Hayward? All right. Have you been a pirate at the Fat Bike Tire Fest? No. At the top of the hill, the pirates? No. All right.
• 2:03
  So- I know you've been a Viking up in there. I'm always... I'm a Viking everywhere I go.
• 2:07
  [laughs] So even though this is supposed to be about, about clunkers, I have to admit that Spinner has, without a doubt, the fucking coolest costume we've ever had on a Santa Rampage ride.
• 2:18
  I mean, this was, like, epic cool. He- Was it? Yeah, it was. The spray painting of the beard. Yeah. Yeah. I've been growing this beard for two years just for this. Yeah, right? [laughs] Just for this day.
• 2:28
  Just totally paid off today. Yeah, yeah. I just want to know what's gonna happen to you when that, when that, when that silver paint doesn't wear off your face. Oh, well- Cross that bridge when you get to it.
• 2:37
  We'll have a firefighter talk, because I have to get... We get fitted for masks just like scuba divers get fitted for masks, and firefighters get fitted for masks for the same thing.
• 2:45
  And they're like, "That's not gonna work." [laughs] I'm like, "Oh, no. This has got to go." Yeah. Can't you just put some Vaseline around it or something? Every time I go on a fire call? Right. Nope.
• 2:55
  I don't have Vaseline in my pocket- Oh... ever since I was in college. Oh. Yeah. We, uh- [laughs] All right. Being that this is, is gonna be, going- Whoa... going to be the Clunker show,
• 3:05
  uh- We're cl- we're clunking it up. Well, be- before we get to that, i- because, uh, today was or is, was Santa Rampage in Rochester, Minnesota, why don't you just do a quick, uh...
• 3:16
  Chewy do a quick, like, overview of what happened today for Santa Rampage, which most of us were riding clunkers on anyway, but- Yes, and, and-... be that as it may.
• 3:24
  And unfortunately, I didn't ride a clunker because I did pull the trailer with the Toys for Tots. So, um- Got to tell you, you did a really good job when the wheel- You know what?...
• 3:32
  was rubbing against the frame- [laughs]... and you were going uphill, and you're like, "Why is this so damn hard?" You, you didn't want to coaster brake stop a trailer? I was, like, dying out there.
• 3:39
  I was like, "Why am I dying? Am I that far out of shape?" It's like, "No, my wheel is off." But- [laughs] But, but here's the biggest thing. So we, my wife found... So Sue found
• 3:50
  Sin, uh, the Santa Rampage thing in Milwaukee, and we went there four or five years ago and did the first one. And she was so impressed that she wanted to bring it to Rochester, so we did.
• 3:59
  And, um, you know, COVID kind of screwed it up last year, although we did a nice job. But it, it, just in general, it, it's... And, and in Greg's words, it's more like what Santa Rampage used to be. Greg who?
• 4:12
  There's only- Oh, yeah. No, Sven... there's only Sven over here. Sven. So Sven said that, that, that we're, we're- Haven't you seen my sticker yet? Yeah, I did.
• 4:19
  [laughs] And it's on my forehead, so I can't see it anymore. [laughs] Um, but, but so Greg said that, or Spinner, S- Sven, one of those fucking guys, said that it's, it's... This is what it used to be like.
• 4:31
  You know, in, in, in Milwaukee, it was 30, 40, 50 people. Now, it's 3,000 people. And it, and it's cool, and it's a zoo. The Rochester one is probably more grassroots. Um- More grassroots, for sure. Yeah. Absolutely.
• 4:45
  And, and, and, and, and I didn't want to do it this way, but this is the way Sue wanted to do it, so we are, we are, are for Toys for Tots, and we're out to get toys and cash to buy bicycles and stuff.
• 4:55
  Would you rather just go to the bar and drink, or what was- Oh, shit, yeah. I, I- What was your idea? I'm not- We all would, but here's the deal. No.
• 5:02
  He made an event out of it, made it fun to make people come here, and you go to the bar to... and drink and give money to Toys for Tots. No, no. No, no, no. That's not the whole thing.
• 5:09
  I, I, I, I'm not in the- I feel like I just set you up and now you're knocking yourself out. I know. I'm not in the industry like everybody else is, but I don't... I, I'm so tired of hearing- What?...
• 5:21
  you know, "Can, can this be a fundraiser for this? Can this be a fundraiser for that?" And I'm- Yeah. I don't want to hear it anymore. I didn't want to do a fundraiser.
• 5:28
  However, um, the Toys for Tots, the Marines really needed help for the last couple years, and Sue decided that's what she wanted to do. And this is, this is more her gig than mine, and so that's what we're doing.
• 5:39
  And we've done a nice job of gaining Toys for Tots and cash to go buy other stuff that they need, and it, and it's been awesome.
• 5:47
  And I don't, I don't have a problem with it, because it's still about, mostly about the riding and hanging out and, and- Everything about Santa Rampage is, is, the fun part is riding by people or seeing somebody and you're dressed in costume, and you see little kids, and you see adults, and they all wave and beep.
• 6:04
  And that, that, it's, it's- I think the, I think the Grinch got the most, uh, attention today. Oh, no. Well, me and Captain got to the parking lot of the hotel.
• 6:11
  We had two selfies before we even left the parking lot, and we stopped to fix his pedal and we had selfie people. So everybody was super excited to see us. Yeah.
• 6:20
  And I think if, if Sue wants to raise money for Toys for Tots, the best thing to do is like, "Hey, put Ron in an, in an event," and then people just give him money. I feel like that's what happened.
• 6:31
  Uh, that's what happened last year. All your friends showed up. Yep, and- And here we are paying money for, just to ride our bikes. Yeah. [laughs] Pretty much.
• 6:38
  And, and, and, uh, without a doubt, the coolest thing this year to me was we got to LTS, which is technically the end of the ride. And then after that, it just turns into a shitshow, right? That's only two bars in.
• 6:48
  [laughs] Yeah, it's the second- No, that's, that's one bar, yeah. [laughs] It's the first stop. [laughs] The second stop, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 6:52
  But, so, the cool thing was is a girl comes walking in and we're all sitting in the LTS, which is Life's 2 Short at Microbrew in Rochester, and they always host us as the, uh, technically the finish to the ride, right?
• 7:03
  So- You gonna knock that over again? I'm g-... I'm just gonna keep knocking them until Dave's over. [laughs] It's the tall beers. Alcohol. Tall beers fall hard.
• 7:10
  And so, and so, we, we got there, and this girl comes walking in and she goes, "Hey, we saw you guys riding down the street. We have this girl with us who has special needs and, and she's, she really likes the Grinch."
• 7:23
  So I'm like, "Sweet, I'll, I'll meet her outside there." The coolest thing I did, I put my stuff back on, walked around the corner and she's like, "The Grinch, the Grinch."
• 7:32
  And I mean, I walk into this van and there's a girl in a wheelchair that's strapped in because she's, she just can't do anything, and I wind up, like, making her day, and I'm gonna meet her next year.
• 7:41
  And it was like- Yep. That's awesome... I could give two shits less anything else happens. That was fantastic in itself.
• 7:46
  Well, this was fun for us, but it's not like- But that was, that was before you made the other kids cry, though. To be fair. Well, I still think the Grinch- To be fair... The Grinch is a 50/50.
• 7:54
  You're gonna make some kids cry and you're gonna make some kids not. And the ones I made cry the most are the ones that know me. Yeah. Like, like Daniel and, th- Daniel- Oh, here he is again with that costume on.
• 8:04
  He, oh, oh my God. God, yeah. It's like, oh, well, my nephew, or my, my niece's son. Well, so as much fun as you wanna have with it, that's what we did today.
• 8:13
  Like, we definitely could've been like, "No, we're working on our bike. We're trying to fix stuff," and, no, everybody stopped and, like, we waved, and we honked, we stopped, we took selfies.
• 8:20
  Kid took a selfie, mom's like, "Can I get a selfie, too?" So parked the car, get out. I mean, it's about having fun. Yeah. And we've had fun, and it's not only our fun, it's everybody's fun.
• 8:29
  Apparently, some nice lady from a television station thought we were fun enough to interview us, too. [laughs] She chased me and Captain down the street. Yeah. Yeah. And, 'cause we got here late.
• 8:38
  She's like, "What are you guys doing? What is this? Can you guys, you guys wanna talk to me?" And I'm like, "Well, here's the deal. We're going to..." Well, we said the wrong bar, but- Little Thistle...
• 8:46
  we said Little Thistle. And then we're like, "Yeah, Ron Moffitt's in charge." And that's why I texted you. I'm like, "Don't have too many beers before the news shows up." [laughs] I was good. Yeah, you were good.
• 8:55
  I think we comported ourselves well.
• 8:57
  And then- I, yeah, I think we d- well, we've d- we've done, we did much better than we do for most shows that we do, because usually we're just absolutely f- Thank God it's 10:00 AM or whatever it was. Yeah.
• 9:06
  Oh, usually we're, we're so fucking tanked by the time we do this that it's horrible. Yeah. But, so this is, this'll be interesting. No, we spun it as Toys for Tots, which it is. Yeah.
• 9:14
  And then we said the Moffitt family, which, uh, I don't know if we can say your first or last name, but, like, if you're donating to kids, then it's Ron Moffitt. If you're just drinking on bikes, then it's Chewy.
• 9:24
  [laughs] We had to make sure that they had the... [laughs] 'Cause we had to identify ourselves and we're- There's our differentiations... well, even you did that, too. You're like, "Uh, real names?"
• 9:31
  I'm Scott and I don't wanna get... Yeah. Yeah, it was, y- you looked, you looked panicked. [laughs] He did. It's like, I have to say my real name?
• 9:37
  He talks the entire time until the camera's on him, and he's like, "Uh, what's my name? Uh, where am I at?" [laughs] Well, I didn't know what she wanted.
• 9:43
  It's just, like, normally on, normally on a roll like that, you're just getting that information so they spell it correctly when they're doing the captioning. Yeah.
• 9:50
  So all they really wanna know is your name and where you're from. I know. And then she would normally start the interview after that. But you went right into it. I'm like, holy shit, we're already doing the interview.
• 9:57
  Yeah. Well, I jumped in, then she stopped me, and then she's like, "Oh, I gotta remember what I just said." "Uh, can you spell your name please?" "Uh, no, probably not." Well, because that was not, that was not her plan.
• 10:05
  She was doing some other weird thing. No, she was just driving down the street when she saw us at a stoplight, and then she drove ahead of us and pulled in and asked us, "What the hell were you doing?"
• 10:14
  [laughs] And that's when, that's when we said, "Go see Ron Moffitt at Little Thistle." And she got there, and you guys are... I called Dave, and he's like, "We just ordered another beer." I'm like, "Shit."
• 10:25
  Well, it w- which is, which is- One more, one more... yeah, it's like one more, one more. Yeah. It's like, don't ever expect us to be on time.
• 10:30
  Like, everybody that says, "We're-" No, we showed up to Little Thistle two hours late and you still weren't there. Yep. Yeah. Well, like, that's just it. Close your tab. Oh, wait, open your tab.
• 10:39
  We'll have another one real quick. [laughs] Well, did you close your tab? 'Cause I just opened my tab. Yeah. A- and, you know, and, and, and thank God to all the places that helped us out.
• 10:48
  Little Thistle, um, well, let's go to start with. LTS, who agreed to open up ahead of time. Which is at Life's 2 Short. You gotta know, 'cause it doesn't show up in Google Maps or business.
• 10:57
  Taco Jed's, Taco Jed's is kind of a shitshow right now. And, and they were- That was good food... they, no, it is. And, and they were better at the end.
• 11:03
  But, you know, and so Brother's, and, and we didn't go to Brother's. And the reason we didn't go to Brother's- Well, we had a beer there... well, but you can go there if you want to.
• 11:10
  I don't, I don't always advertise it, because they have their usual Saturday morning group. But, um, Smooth, the guy that owns the place, is like, "Dude, next year you have a table, and I wanna be in."
• 11:21
  And he, he chucked me 100 bucks just to go, even though we didn't, we only had a beer there, he threw us 100 bucks to go buy bicycles with. That's nice.
• 11:28
  I mean, he's like, he's like, "Dude, this is, like, what I wanna do. I wanna do, I wanna be involved in this kind of stuff. So park out in front of my place. Park out in front of Taco, Taco Jed's.
• 11:37
  I don't care, but I w- I want to be part of this." So next year- It'll be a little bit different. Yeah. Right on. It grows, yeah.
• 11:44
  No, it's, it's been a great turnout and, uh, I'm glad you do it up here so I don't have to drive to Milwaukee to do it, because this is, like, three hours closer than Milwaukee.
• 11:51
  See, my, see, the big thing is with me is Sue drives me to Milwaukee. Ah. [laughs] So I, I don't have to worry about- She doesn't, and not everybody has a suit. I know, that's right, yeah.
• 11:58
  I've thought about this most of my life. I was like, "How does Chewy get to do all the... Oh, Chewy has a suit." Yeah. Yeah. I have a suit. I'm not sure about next year.
• 12:04
  I, I don't know if I would stay in Milwaukee or come here again or, or go somewhere else even, because this is happening all over the country now. Let's do it in fucking Nashville. Yeah.
• 12:11
  Well, there should- More, more events are popping up- Yeah, yeah... all the time, for sure. And, and that, and that's, that's the thing, you know? And I, and I, I hesitated doing this be- just for that simple reason.
• 12:19
  I didn't want to make it that I have to be here every year, because I would like... Because it was a- awesome going to Milwaukee, and I know there's one in Chicago, and they're all over the place.
• 12:26
  And I like going to other events other places, so- And I think it might be fair to acknowledge that there are events that don't necessarily happen on the first Saturday, which is traditionally, that was traditionally Milwaukee's day, and Global Fat Bike Day kind of honed in on it a little bit.
• 12:40
  Yeah, but the fuck with that. But there's also, but there's also next weekend, Decorah, Iowa, is doing one. Lee Allen's sitting right here, and he's the guy organizing the one in Decorah. So,
• 12:48
  uh, what are, what's similar to this in Decorah, or different? Uh, it's very similar. Uh, basically a fundraiser, and bar stops, and everybody's having fun and, and- Yeah... so- Hopefully, Lunz doesn't get arrested.
• 13:04
  Well, the best, the best beers in the world, but shorter distance between them. [laughs] Well, right. Yeah, that's true.
• 13:10
  I was gonna say, just to, just to, just to amass the laps that we do, that the distance that everybody else does, we'd have to go back and forth like five times. Yep. You know? And, and then we're good, you know?
• 13:19
  Did you trot, run, trail? Go to the bar. No. Did you trot, run, trail? Go to another bar. Do trot, run, trail? Go to a third bar. I mean, we could do that, but- No. No. Uh, it, uh- No.
• 13:27
  But that, is that a Humane Society fundraiser? Did you decide? Actually, uh, this year is, uh, Helping Services for Northeast Iowa, so abused women, which w- Chastain should really donate to. Oh, God, no.
• 13:42
  [laughs] I've been punched by so many women. Abused dudes? How about abused dudes? I get punched a lot. [laughs] Yeah. I don't, I don't know about that. [laughs] No, I'm the last guy. Abuse Dave Lunz's? There you go.
• 13:53
  I mean... I'd pay to do that to him. Yeah, last year we did, uh- Wait, you'd pay to abuse him?... the food shelf. Sounded like- You know, it kind-... "I'd pay to abuse him." Just go ahead and hit him.
• 14:01
  Sounded kind of weird, the way I said it, didn't it? Continue. [laughs] Last year- Sorry... we did the food shelf, and the year before, we did the Humane Society.
• 14:10
  But it, yeah, but that's the nice thing about saying Rampage, which you asked us about today, 'cause of Toys for Tots thing, but it's not necessarily Toys for Tots every Rampage.
• 14:18
  You can be any fundraiser you wanna do, if you just wanna get on your bike and dress like Santa and drink all day. And, and, you know, and, and, and like I said, I,
• 14:27
  knowing people in the industry, like bar owners and everything else, they get hit up so many times to do fundraisers. I don't like doing fundraisers. That being said, Toys for Tots is, like,
• 14:39
  one of the ones that, I don't know, I- i- to me it's like, you have to do it. Yep. I mean, it serves such a purpose. Yeah.
• 14:46
  And, and, and, uh, Vince, the guy that, the, the guy's in charge of it here in southeast Minnesota, works his butt off for this. It's like, you have to help him out. That's all there is to it. I mean, there's...
• 14:57
  And it's not a big deal. I pull a trailer, and everybody throws stuff in the back end of it, and whatever we get helps out, and that's all I'm worried about. I, you know, it's all over the place.
• 15:06
  Um, we're riding- But, but-... bikes to do it... but you don't show up and say, "Here's, here's the Santa Rampage for Toys for Tots."
• 15:11
  You just show up and you say, "Here, for the Marines Toys for Tots, here's what we collected." Oh, yeah, we just, we just give them the stuff. We don't want- You don't get any credit... we want zero recognition. Yep.
• 15:18
  We don't even care about it. It, it, it's about, did we do you any good? And that's all we worry about, you know? And that's- And of course you did...
• 15:24
  and that's, and that's why, that's why this year we're looking for more cash, because we need to buy bicycles, and we can't, we can't give away... I get a lot of used- That's all I have...
• 15:33
  bikes that I can fix up really nice, but I, but you can't give away used bikes. It has to be a new bike. So, we have to purchase bikes. You can't give away used bikes? Nope. It has to be new. It has to be new.
• 15:41
  It's not like the ferry ticket, where you can give any bike and you get a- Yeah, it's just a different situation on how they're able to pass bikes on to people in need. We're in Minnesota. Well, right, right, right.
• 15:50
  We're in Minnesota, which is the land of 10,000 laws, so you need to do everything exactly- Right. Well-... freaking right...
• 15:55
  I'm gonna assume it's with them guys, but that's okay, because I do, I have other places I can donate those bikes to, and we'll- Sure... we'll figure it out.
• 16:01
  At the same time, you never know, somebody's gonna bring a piece of shit bike, a rusty thing they pulled out of a shed. Piece of shit bikes. Yeah. All right, so we're 16 minutes in. Okay.
• 16:07
  So now it's time to start talking clunkers. Talk about piece of shit bikes. Talks about piece of shit bikes. Talk about it! Let's go! Nice fucking segue.
• 16:14
  Um, so- Nice segue was a hard stop, and then Chewy said, "Clunker." You don't really- Nope. That's not a segue at all. But anyways- Did I do, did I do a hard stop?
• 16:22
  Another hard stop, and then one more beer, and then a hard stop- And then a clunker... and then beer down- I can't do this shit... and then whatever. Yeah.
• 16:27
  All right, so- So, well, you've had this idea for this clunker show for, like, I don't know, two months, three months? Oh, my God, I- More months. Lots of months...
• 16:34
  I, I, I actually begged State to give me a bike so I could get Spinner on a bike so we could get this podcast done, and that was, what, two months ago? Yeah. I only paid 40% of her cost. There he is.
• 16:43
  [laughs] Yeah, I know. It's like, yeah, it's like, God, this is just, like, horrible. But we've got it in the tank now. So we've got- I rode the fuck out of it...
• 16:49
  we've got four guys that have been on, on, on the clunker, on the, on the State clunker. So- I got next... Sven, I, Captain, and Spinner have all been on, on a clunk, on the State clunkers.
• 17:01
  Uh, Sven and I also have rode our handsome clunkers, which was not really a clunker. It was called a- Shop bike... shop bike, which is- Still a clunker, 'cause it's fucking- Yeah, it's still... yeah, it's not even close.
• 17:11
  So, so now we need to... So let's, let's start it off this way. Define cl- So yes, let's define clunker, because- Define clunker... because it's a muddied area.
• 17:18
  To me, a clunker is, it doesn't matter if it's a new bike or an old bike, but it is, it is a casual frame bicycle with a coaster brake. Copy that.
• 17:28
  When you say casual frame, you mean, like, there is no pre-thought to the geometry of how you're gonna ride this fucking thing? Actually, th- th- they ride really...
• 17:35
  Okay, we'll talk about how well they ride in a little while. But yeah, I think, I think there's- But there's one size- Right... and you just raise the seat or lower the seat, and then you- Okay...
• 17:42
  you move the bars back and forth. Yes, they're one size fit all. Yes. BMX bars, so they're- Yeah, it's- Coaster brake... more upright. Yeah, more upright position, and- Single speed-... coaster brake... coaster brake.
• 17:51
  Yep. Uh, I, you know, and I- Can you have a two-speed kickback? Does that count? Let's, let's, let's do it this way. Let's say they, they, they replicate- Muddying the waters over there, buddy.
• 17:58
  You're muddying the waters. Let's say they're, they're- Well, I'm trying to, I'm trying to define the definition...
• 18:01
  let's say they replicate a Schwinn Tornado, for an example, and that was kind of a standard back in the '60s, right? Right. So it replicates that bike.
• 18:10
  And everybody that'll know that's build their own or rebuilds one, that's the frame they're basically working off of. Yeah. Yeah. So- It's pretty much a newsboy bike from the olden times- Exactly...
• 18:21
  whether it's a modern-made bike or an old one that somebody has refurbished Just like they started racing at Repack back in the old days, they're old, you know, newsboy bikes for lack of a better term, I think.
• 18:34
  Well, the thing that I've noticed about most of the time is, like, uh, all the bikes, they have brake lever brakes, and this one is usually coaster brakes, so you gotta fucking crank back.
• 18:43
  And when you're coming up to a stop sign or whenever, you gotta realize, sometimes you reach for the brake levers and they aren't there, and you gotta realize, you know, this is a coaster brake.
• 18:51
  Plan your pedal strokes, you know, know like, "I gotta stop in this amount of time. I'm going this fast," and, and plan how you're gonna skid or not, or how much...
• 18:59
  Yeah, 'cause if you're going super fast, there's no other choice than to hammer on that coaster brake. Skidding is good. Skidding is good.
• 19:05
  But then, like, there's other times, like, if I'm just coasting, like, you know that I can pedal back a little bit, slow it down a little bit. The brakes are really finicky. I mean, there's a lot of...
• 19:14
  Uh- Kelly wants to- Uh- Kelly wants to talk. Beer? What? Do you have beers? Are you serving us beers? [laughs] The bartender- No, no, come on. Tell him to fuck off. I know. You've d- you've done it 100 times. Oh, really?
• 19:26
  By the way, we're, we're at the 63 Club again here, live on the old, uh- Yeah. And it- Live... the, the big strip here in 63- Highway 63... Rochester, Minnesota... Highway 63 in Rochester, Minnesota. Uh, yeah, everybody.
• 19:39
  Lucy, and, uh- Lucy. Yep. Lucy doesn't want a beer. You don't need a beer. All right, so there's our little interlude. Okay, so, uh, going back to what we were talking about, what were we talking about? Oh, clunkers.
• 19:51
  So to me- What's a, what's a clunker? A clunker is a coaster brake bike. I don't care what the frame is. It's a coaster brake with a relaxed geometry frame. Let's put it that way. That's the easiest way to describe it.
• 20:04
  Well, when you say coaster brake, are you just trying to insinuate that, I mean, you're, you just assume everybody knows a coaster brake is single speed? Well, yeah. Well, how about a two s- two-speed kickback?
• 20:14
  It's the easiest- That's, that's, that's a- It's basically the easiest bike you can ride. You get on, you pedal forward, you go, you pedal backwards, you stop. It's really- A lot of people are gonna say that's hard.
• 20:20
  It's really- A lot of people are gonna say- Well, it is. Try riding one off-road, because if you're used to riding a bike- Mm... with a freewheel- I rode, I rode the- And you have to-... shit out of mine in Decorah.
• 20:27
  I know... and you have to set your feet, going down a hill, you, you want your feet in the other position, and sometimes you just have to speed up to slow down. It's like, oh- Yeah... well, right. Yeah, you're right.
• 20:35
  Yeah. Us professionals say, "Plan your pedal stroke." Those are words you say. [laughs] Okay, Kelly, you ready to jump in? No. What the hell? Take your shirt off. Put a headphone on. Come on.
• 20:45
  [laughs] Are you replaying that? She's not against it. [laughs] No, no. [laughs] Oh. Are you that... Oh, my goodness. So you can't flip anybody off on the radio. Ooh, a double bird.
• 20:59
  You can have wrestling bitch face on the radio, or you can smile. [laughs] Nah, nah, I gotta smile. All right. Um- Anyways. Yeah, so, uh- We're back. We're live. Are we live? [laughs] Oh, yeah. Anyhow. Forgot about that.
• 21:10
  Um, so the, so the bigger discussion has to be as to how, and it's gonna be tough for all of us to agree, but how the State bikes ride compared to the Hansens. I didn't have a Hansen.
• 21:24
  No, and we only do that, but, but you, but it, it, it- Let's talk...
• 21:28
  Yeah, but I want to say this, when you talk about before you get to that point, I rode mine on Decorah mountain bike trails, and there's definitely limitations. But at the same time,
• 21:38
  what is a $420.69, uh, MSRP mountain bike? Or, no, it's not a mountain bike. That's the thing. Well, it is kind of- With-... sort of a mountain bike... but it wasn't designed to ride Decorah.
• 21:49
  It's a 29.5, so to me it's a- 27.5, sorry. It's not designed to ride mountain bikes. 29.5's the new tire size we're gonna try out here in Rochester. There we go, yeah. [laughs] We need a new tire size this year.
• 21:59
  It's a great, it's a great fucking, uh, roadie, or around town bike. Roadie. Great bar bike, great, uh, like trails like we rode today.
• 22:07
  But when you start climbing Van Peenen in Decorah, and you start going the elevation, and you start, like, hammering down Fred's, which is a major downhill, and try to get that coaster brake to work, it wasn't built for that.
• 22:18
  Well- But at the same time- Mm... we did it on those. I mean, you can handle it, but, I mean, when they built that bike, they weren't thinking- No, no... take it downtown to- So State Bicycle, think about it this way.
• 22:28
  Yeah. State Bicycle's a company that's out of Tempe, Arizona. Right. And it's flat as dirt out there. And so it, it's a fun riding bi- And, uh, don't get me wrong, I love the bike. I, I truly love the bike.
• 22:38
  I, I've, um, I rode it in Decorah, I rode it in Rochester, I rode some crappy... Oh, well, fuck, I took it out to, uh, I rode it in Bain and did Single Speed USA in Maine on it. And it's,
• 22:53
  the bigger part of it is, is getting used to braking and, and, and it's alm- it, it's no different than braking with, um, a disc brake. You have to feather, you have to learn how to adjust the brakes, right?
• 23:04
  It's, it's, it's more archaic. I don't know how else to describe it. It, it's not as good, but, but at the same time, it, it, it, it, it's basically learning how to ride on that bike, right? Yeah. So I,
• 23:17
  I don't see any problem- I gotta get- Why is your dogs out for a walk? 'Cause, like, uh, ogre has a girlfriend's living here. And there's a cute girl walking your dogs. This girl, Keagan, asked my name.
• 23:28
  But, but the bike itself is, like... I don't, I don't, I don't, personally, I don't, I, I look at it the same as, it's, it's a discipline.
• 23:36
  It, it's, learning how to ride on a coaster brake is no different than learning how to ride with disc brakes. You, you know, there's a feathering to it. So you and I riding down, like, say, Fred's- Yeah...
• 23:47
  you have to learn how to feather that brake and brake in different spots. You don't, you, you can't just, like, come into a corner and fucking lock it up and roll through the corner. That doesn't happen.
• 23:57
  With the disc brakes, you can do that. So it's learning how to ride a different way. Do you remember when we came, when we were riding single speed in Washington, and we came down that mountain?
• 24:05
  And, uh, ah, I forget his name. But he was, like, two guys who had coaster brakes, and we got to halfway down the mountain, and their wheel, their hubs were smoking. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 24:16
  And that's kind of the thing. But it's like when I, when we did that, and we rode those bikes everywhere, and it's a great bar bike. It's a great downtown bike. Um, can it do the mountain bike trails on the Cora?
• 24:29
  Yes, it can. Is it the best tool for that job? No. Am I gonna complain a- about that at the $420 price, price point? Absolutely not. Yeah, right. I mean, what are you gonna do? If you want...
• 24:38
  If you're gonna make it a better mountain bike, coaster brake mountain bike, you're gonna shorten the stays and do some other things. They're gonna make it less of a super casual around town bike. Yes.
• 24:47
  The one thing I would kinda look at as an around town bike, being that that's kind of what I think its best purpose is, not that you can't ride off-road and do some quick, you know, around town off-road trails and stuff, is that the tires are really aggressive for around town.
• 25:02
  Yes. Yes. But I could certainly ride a much less aggressive tire off-road, as long as it wasn't wet- Yes... and feel pretty good about it. So my... And it's geared really low for around town. It is geared really low.
• 25:13
  [laughs] But it's, and, and it's geared not bad for off-road if you're kind of a superhero. Well, and it doesn't have the shifty bits. It doesn't have the brake bits. No shifty bits. It doesn't have all that stuff.
• 25:21
  No brake bits. So here's the thing, too. There's another thing about it. So I don't have to take my Krampus to the bar, and I don't have to take my Moonlander to the bar.
• 25:29
  And, uh, I'm sad to say, I don't have to take my Beargrease to the bar. She was gonna punch me for having a carbon fork. What do you got... Goddamn Beargrease? Can, can, I got a Beargrease only for the brick.
• 25:37
  But at the same time- Can you, can you go over every shit that I wanna punch you out for? That, that's, add it to the list. Just the, the list grows long. There's a lot on the list.
• 25:43
  Yeah, but at the same time- Long as it's distinguished... that's the thing, too, for less than $500, you got a bike that is your bar bike and, and whatever. It's like you don't have to ride your good bike around town.
• 25:53
  You have a, a... Not that you want it stolen, but you're... At the price point, which they did, is very fucking nice. Yeah, I think it's a fantastic value. It's quali- It is... it's quality parts for the price point.
• 26:02
  Absolutely. Yeah, WTB tires. Yes. You know, I mean, they're somewhat generic parts, but they're well-chosen for the, you know, the saddle and the bars and stuff. It, I, it's, it's well-appointed for the price.
• 26:11
  Oh, oh, but, uh- And so here's what, here's one thing, I don't know, we started touching on this earlier before the show, is, well, but maybe I just want a little different seat post. Maybe I want a different saddle.
• 26:21
  Suddenly I want different handlebars on this thing. On this guy, yeah. And now- His seat post broke twice... it, it's not so much- So the guy that's been the most-... it's the escalation...
• 26:27
  yeah, the, the guy that's been the most quiet about everything about here is the guy whose bike is the most fucked up right now. [laughs] I mean, his crank arms are bad.
• 26:34
  He's put, he's put a seat post on there that would, that would make most guys on stilts feel uncomfortable. [laughs] Hey, I got a long pedal stroke on my diesel. No, you don't. Your legs are like mine.
• 26:45
  Don't give me this shit. Bullshit. But he's got this, like... So no, so Captain- His nose down saddle attitude says- So Captain-... long legs, baby. Uh, yeah, okay.
• 26:53
  Well, so, but, but again, Captain, go ahead, because, because we... And we're not knocking the company.
• 27:00
  It, it, it was something that you had a problem with and we never had the problem with before, but your crank arms look like they're, like, at, at, uh, 6 and, and- Yeah, square, square taper... 750.
• 27:10
  Yeah, they're not, yeah, they're not, yeah, yeah. And I, but I, but that's, the crank arm was going, and it's, again, it's, uh, it's, uh- Probably lack of-... it's, uh, on the-...
• 27:17
  lack of maintenance is the problem there. No, it was brand new. [laughs] And it, you know, and so- I think it's whoever set it up- Yeah, just set it up... I don't know, maybe who reassembled it. I don't know...
• 27:25
  and, and I can show you the picture of the guy who set it up, and the bar, the, the garage he was sitting in, and the case of beer sitting next to it. Yep.
• 27:33
  That probably fucked it up, but I, I, I'll admit, I've never messed with the bottom bracket because I've never had a problem. And you had a problem.
• 27:39
  Well, it's not the bottom bracket, it's just the crank arm torquing out. Well, yeah, crank arms. Yeah, yeah. And it wasn't even drive side, was it? It was, it, it was the other side. No, it was drive side. No.
• 27:47
  It, it was the other side. Non-drive side. Non-drive. It was the drive side that went out? Yep. Yeah. Oh, that's, uh, that's new. And the drive side was loose also, though. So that's a bad mechanic. Nasty with power.
• 27:57
  Massive power. [laughs] That's totally me. I, I'll agree. [laughs] Yeah. Well, you know, but- So State's off, State's off the hook for, like, 50 seconds here now, because- [laughs]...
• 28:05
  because, because I got mine, and Brad got his, and you guys got yours, and I never, we never touched a crank arm until yours came out. I had mine professionally assembled. Are you the professional?
• 28:17
  So somebody e- so somebody e- No, I had Steven do it. I mean, it's not like I can't, but I had, I had my guy Steven assemble it. I'm like- But it's a square taper crank arm...
• 28:24
  so did he deal, did he deal with the crank arms? It's not a high-end bottom bracket. He took them off and greased them just in case. Oh, they were, they were- So then you're putting-...
• 28:31
  they were in beautiful condition... then you're putting them back on and torquing them. You know, I don't know that they were greased.
• 28:35
  A lot of times, factory assembled bikes aren't really greased real well, so we'll take stuff out of stems. We'll take, you know, most of the bolts that you can get off the bike- Oh...
• 28:43
  and grease them just to make sure they're greased. And I, I- Including the water bottle cage bolts and all that shit...
• 28:46
  yeah, and maybe, maybe I just got lazy, because I've, because State bikes- Because it was for Spinner, or Captain? No, well, Captain, true. Yeah.
• 28:52
  [laughs] But m- well, I know I was in a fucking hurry to get them out there, because these guys have been dying for these bikes. But more so, I, I think I got lazy because I have never had a problem with any State bikes.
• 29:05
  Like, I, and I pulled the crank arm off. They're, they're fucking spot on. The bottom brackets are fine. I, I've- Well-... I've never had a problem with them until that one. Well, here's the deal.
• 29:12
  You might not have had a problem until people were riding the Cora trails, which are super fucking mountain bike trails. Like, riding around town, that probably wouldn't have happened.
• 29:20
  Again, I- We push the limits of these things... oh yeah, I, I agree 100%. We, we, like, take these bikes to places that I don't ever think State expected them to go. Right. Yep.
• 29:29
  And the fails that we've had are probably pretty small fails. Oh, you know what? They do make- Oh, yeah, no...
• 29:34
  they, they do make, uh, their, their, uh, line of bikes, they have different kind of level of Cora bikes and this and that. And I don't think I would be...
• 29:42
  If I were them, I would not be opposed to making a pro version of this bike, essentially- Well-... with a little bit better components, a little bit nicer frame- But what, but here's the deal.
• 29:51
  What is the price point gonna be? Because- Like 800 bucks or something. They, but they get the- Like, what did, what did the, uh, what did the Handsome bike go for when it was new, around 800?
• 29:58
  Like, no, yeah, it was, what? 6, 7- The Handsome bike? 650, 700. Yeah, yeah. Well, the thing, okay, so we, we kinda touched on it earlier about the Handsome versus the State.
• 30:06
  I think the Handsome, at least the way mine is set up, is much more of just a city bar bike- Well-... than a, than an off-road bike... okay. So I'm gonna change that. So, um, the, um...
• 30:18
  How dare you fucking touch my beer? I think it's my beer. Um, do you- I think it's... You're, you're commandeering my beer. You have three beers- I got mine. I have, I have one... and I have one. Okay, we're good.
• 30:25
  All right. Um- Beer, beer bastards. So my, uh, so the Hansons are, the Handsome shop bikes are built literally for screaming around downtown Minneapolis to go get beer Perfect, like, perfect use for the bike too.
• 30:40
  Exactly. Exactly. And, and, and, and it's- Did it have a beer cart? How were you gonna carry the beer back? Did it have a rack? Nope. No [laughs] Backpack. It was a backpack.
• 30:46
  There, there's, there's no, there is no rack on some- So that bike was not designed to get beer. That bike was designed to ride people somewhere. Well, mine has a- No... walled rack on it now.
• 30:54
  [laughs] But it did come with- It also has a Dean titanium seat post in it, so I am- Oh... escalating. No, stop. That's no longer a clunker. You're- We're gonna measure dicks right now...
• 31:03
  No [laughs] Let's put it, put them on a sample. There you go. That's what we're talking about. Get a ruler. Somebody get a ruler. It needs to be at least four inches long. No, you're like...
• 31:09
  So you're, you are in captain's r- range now I've had it for, since 1995. Cap- It's been on every bike I really like... Captain, Captain- That's why it's on the Handsome... Captain has- I really like this bike...
• 31:16
  Captain has a seat post on his bike that, that, that would mimic a, a, a set of, a set of, um, stilts.
• 31:23
  Like, that seat post is, his seat post is, is longer than most people's bikes Gotta have a 400 in there, 400 in there. You got a 400 in there? [laughs] There's, there's 400? Yeah, I had a hard time finding a 400.
• 31:32
  [laughs] At a, at a 25, 4. Yeah. The nice thing about the Handsome is it's a 27, 2. Yes, yeah. So it's a much more mountain bike friendly seat post size. Yeah. Mm. And- Checking the mileage in, yep...
• 31:42
  well- And, you know, and, and again, and again, their idea was, and, you know, and you look at, it was designed by Gene Oberpiller, and, and, and Jesse, and those guys. And it was, it was for ripping around town.
• 31:51
  They're biking around town So it was made to rip. Yeah. And it does. I mean, I, I, and I know guys that, like, did the, uh, weird, um, uh, clamp-on mountain bike brake on the fork. Why?
• 32:02
  So they could, so they could have a disc brake. Why? Why? Because they were racing them off-road. Why? Because they were racing them off-road. Why?
• 32:07
  I, I, yeah, me- Just, just, just get your single speed frame out and do it with that. Yep. Ex- exactly. This is a clunker. No, no, I- Don't fuck it up by putting different brakes on it... yes.
• 32:15
  Well, again, so the two don't really compare. If, going back to what you and I were gonna talk about originally, it was like, it's like you can't compare the two bikes because they do have a different deal.
• 32:24
  Sure, and like, I, I, so I made my Handsome that I got from our buddy, Pat Ziegel... Thanks, Pat, very much. I love the bike.
• 32:32
  Uh, I did 27, 5 rims with a little narrower tire, and I, because I'm aiming it more towards being a city, blast around town, bar, pub crawl, get beer bike versus ever really wanting to take it off-road. Right.
• 32:46
  No, it's awesome. I love that bike. Yeah, and, and that's, and that's the goal for it. And, and, and so I don't know, 'cause, you know, we're just throwing this out there.
• 32:55
  We never, we, we've never talked to the State Bike piece, people, but we have talked to Handsome people, and that was their, their goal. This is a rip around town bike They're handsome people. They're very handsome.
• 33:05
  They're not, no, they're not handsome. Jesse's not a handsome guy. Me? No, just- That Jesse... that Jesse. You're s- Obviously, I'm super handsome Uh [laughs] See how, see how we're already overtime?
• 33:18
  Spinner's talking about himself too much. Yeah, ex- exactly. [laughs] I said one thing, you fuck [laughs] One, here we go again. Here we go again.
• 33:25
  So now tomorrow morning- No, well, what is it, what- So tomorrow morning we have to do this shit all over again because you fucked it up. No, I don't. Well, I'll be, I'll be there tomorrow...
• 33:31
  I'll be there tomorrow I know. You know, today, for, so this show, we, we, we had some Santa Rampage talk. We, we introduced the idea of these clunkers.
• 33:39
  Maybe tomorrow morning's another show kind of delving into it just a little bit more.
• 33:42
  Yeah, let's get into it a little more because, because I, I do think that, I do think that, that the coaster brake thing has to come back. The co-, well, yeah, and I would like to see...
• 33:53
  The only thing I, that I would really like to see on a coaster brake like this would be the two-speed kickback.
• 34:00
  I am so infatuated [laughs] with that, and I don't know how much more it would cost to get the two-speed bac- kickback hub in these bikes. I, you know, I don't know. I, yeah, I don't know.
• 34:08
  But, but it, you know, it was a thing in the past. I mean- Have you ridden a two-speed kickback very often? Yes, I fucking have. Well, okay, I'm not, I'm not a fan of them, but- Aren't you really?...
• 34:15
  they're never in the fucking right gear. It's always, like, fucking with it, shifting, like- I ride a single speed. I'm never in the right gear. That's [laughs] yeah. Yeah [laughs], right?
• 34:21
  I was about to say [laughs] So instead of being in the wrong gear all the time on a single speed gear- If you're-... you have two gears to be wrong in all the time...
• 34:26
  I can be wrong in two gears all the time Yeah, all at once. If, if you're a single speed rider, you're always in the right gear at some point in your life. Well, yeah, it's like having a watch. Right?
• 34:33
  It's accurate twice a day when it's not running. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I, but I agree. So maybe we should carry this on. So this is a nice way to start it.
• 34:42
  Um, but I think the conversation about, about coaster brakes has to, a- and you can call it clunkers, but let's, let's talk coaster brakes next time. We can.
• 34:51
  Because- Yeah, we can 'cause, uh- But maybe it's because coast-... State makes a lot of coaster brake bikes- Right... and they're not clunkers No, a- a- and coaster brake is like- And not just State, of course...
• 34:58
  it's like, it's like, it's like a thing unto itself, you know? So the guys that you and I know, well, maybe you don't know, but guys that I know that ride, like,
• 35:05
  s- that ride, like, high-end coaster brake stuff, like, spend, like, 500 bucks on a, on a coaster brake. On the brake alone?
• 35:13
  I got the one, I got the, I got the Velosteel ones from the Czech Republic I'm curious about 'cause they get really good... They are heavy as fuck, though. Let's bring it back to State Bicycles. Oh, yeah.
• 35:22
  Yeah So this is the first coaster brake bike I've had in a long time, and what'd it cost? N- less than $500. That's a, this is- In a $400 bike...
• 35:29
  this is a key point on this bike And there's the thing is, like, it is the price point, and you can bitch about everything, and you're like, "Oh, it doesn't have this. It doesn't..." You know what?
• 35:36
  You can have that, but you're gonna pay a shit ton more for it. Well, right. So- And this-... it's a great bike at the price point, and I think that's what State Bicycle has been trying to do.
• 35:44
  Well- It's like this is absolutely a quality bike at the price point it's at, and you give up a lot. But you gotta ride it different, and it has the BMX bars. And you have coaster brake, and it's got a decent seat.
• 35:54
  I wrecked mine, but, uh, but at the same time [laughs] I already wrecked mine... but it's like, I mean, for the price point that it's at- I seem to have crashed mine several times...
• 36:01
  th- what's the next, what's the next comparable bike that you would put against a State? Nobody really makes a coaster brake bike like this. No, they're like, they're like, they like own the market. Exactly.
• 36:10
  Wa- and, and that's the other thing about this company is that they're fantastic because they sort of like, yes, they're out of Tempe, Arizona, and they're, like, flat as pancakes, right?
• 36:17
  But at the same time, they're like, they kinda get- That, that genre of bikes. You know, like, like, it needs to be functional. It needs to go
• 36:28
  to and from a job, to school, whatever, and- It's, it's a great commuter bike... yeah, and it's a great... They make great bikes. I, I, I went down, I just, I, I bought one. The price range is low.
• 36:38
  I bought one in Leeward down in, in, in, uh, Phoenix- It, it, it's cheap enough that you can just- Because, because rather than-... have one at your second house...
• 36:44
  yeah, rather than, rather- You have enough money, you have a second house, and then- No, I don't have a house... you just, and you can afford to keep a, a State bicycle at your second house.
• 36:52
  Don't want to ship it, because it costs- Well, it's, and technically-... a, a quarter of the price of the bike to ship it... and technically, dickhead, this is at my third house, because it's in Tempe. Oh, sorry. Sorry.
• 37:00
  [laughs] Oh my God, you have a third house?
• 37:02
  So, okay, one, one final thing I want to mention about State before I forget about them is their collaboration with other companies, with artists, and with, uh, on our particular bikes, uh, Spinner's and mine- Is the way with the Pride ride...
• 37:13
  uh, with, with the National Park. Yep. You know, the National Park Service. They're, they're, they're licensing things. They don't charge that much for their bike, but they still give some back to the park [laughs].
• 37:22
  Oh, well, yeah, I think they were, like, an extra 70 bucks for the National Park Service one. Yeah, but that, but that money all goes back to them. Yeah. To the parks. Right, exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
• 37:29
  So yeah, they, they do that with, uh, other bikes besides the Conquerors too. Well, the, the, what, exactly, I mean- But, uh, they've got a lot of good collaborations. I think that's sweet. I think they're cool guys.
• 37:38
  And, and no, they're fantastic guys. They're, the, the company in itself is, like, I think is, like, the perfect model of what you want for a company.
• 37:45
  They don't, they don't, they don't s- they step out of their genre for a little bit just to see if it's gonna work, and when it doesn't, they go back. But, but that being said, everything they do is, like, rock solid.
• 37:56
  Yeah. Rock solid. This quality, it ba- I mean, when we push it on the trails and bikes break on the trails, because everybody breaks on the trails.
• 38:04
  I broke Pugsleys on the trails, but this bike holds up on the trails, and if, and what we did today is absolutely perfect for it. Perfect for today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were- Well, it was a good day...
• 38:14
  we're on the trails, and we get off the trails a little bit. I didn't even have to use my 8K. Yeah. We run over Dave Lenz, and he also had the same bike, and we cruised him too. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
• 38:25
  Oh, wow, what's that sound? Oh, is that the sound of the show- Oh, the show's over... being done for now? That's the sound of Greg being a dick and saying- So no, yeah... "We don't get to talk anymore."
• 38:32
  We're gonna do this tomorrow. We're gonna get another shot of this trip. It was- Okay... we're gonna turn on the microphone and wrestle. Ready? No. Ready. No, still listening. I'm done with you guys fucking.
• 38:40
  [laughs] Three, two, one. [rock music]