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How can I respond to criticism without feeling defensive? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling defensive when someone criticizes you is a very common reaction.
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  SPEAKER_00: Criticism can feel like a threat, so within seconds, the body responds with anger, worry, or embarrassment.
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  SPEAKER_00: Almost everyone feels this, however calm they look on the outside.
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  SPEAKER_00: When you ask how to respond to criticism without feeling defensive, it helps another feeling will often show up anyway.
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  SPEAKER_00: What you can shape is what you choose to do next.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can also try this simple breathing exercise right in the moment if you need to.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: So breathe in gently through your nose for a count of four, hold for two, and then breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of six.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can do this two or three times.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you can let your shoulders drop as you breathe out as well, just to help your body settle.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, once you feel a little steadier, acknowledge what is going on inside.
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  SPEAKER_00: So you might say to yourself that of course I feel uncomfortable, I care about doing this well.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now giving the feeling that kind of understanding often takes the edge off the earth just to snap back, make excuses, or go quiet and shut down.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Then you can get curious.
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  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself what can I learn from this?
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  SPEAKER_00: As most feedback comes from someone wanting the work to be better in some way.
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  SPEAKER_00: So you can take what is useful and then leave the rest.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can also help to remember a time you took feedback well.
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  SPEAKER_00: So what did you do that helped and try doing a little more of that?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now practical ways to support yourself with this might be in the conversation, listen right to the end before you reply.
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  SPEAKER_00: Then repeat back what you've heard.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You can also ask one question like what would a good version look like to you, for example.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need time, say thanks for telling me and I would like to think about that and come back to you, so that afterwards you can write down what was said and then choose one small thing to then act on.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you can also talk it through with someone you trust or take a short walk just to help the feelings settle a little bit.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if the worry about feedback is affecting your sleep, making you dread work or leading you to avoid meetings, it is worth getting support.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your GPO therapist can help, and many workplaces offer a free employee assistance service.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: If the criticism feels unfair, repeated, or like bullying, then speak to your manager, HR or your union.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you can go back to the ATT resources for further support around handling criticism and feedback anxiety.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are thinking about harming yourself and feel unsafe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.