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#HURDLEMOMENT: How to Bring More Positivity Into Your Life · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: When we're vocal about what we care about. When we decide,
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Speaker 1: When we actively decide what delights us and then allow
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Speaker 1: ourselves to delight in those details, you attract more of it.
0:24
Speaker 2: What's shaken.
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Speaker 3: Emily A body here coming to you with another installment
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Speaker 3: of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a Whileness Focus Podcast, reconnect
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Speaker 3: with everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts and
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Speaker 3: industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything
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Speaker 3: in between. We all go through hurdles in life, and
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Speaker 3: my goal through these discussions is to empower you to
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Speaker 3: better navigate yours and move with intention so that you
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Speaker 3: can stride towards your own big potential and of course,
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Speaker 3: have some fun along the way. For today's episode, I
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Speaker 3: am chatting with Megan V. Murphy is the editor in
1:00
Speaker 3: chief of Women's Day. She's also the author of the
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Speaker 3: book Your Fully Charged Life, and that topic is exactly
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Speaker 3: what we're here to chat about.
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Speaker 2: We are here to talk.
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Speaker 3: About how to be more positive on the regular, specifically,
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Speaker 3: how to let go of negative thoughts. As she puts it,
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Speaker 3: embrace the yay and bring your best self to every moment.
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Speaker 2: It sounds a.
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Speaker 3: Little complicated, or maybe it sounds easier than I'm letting on.
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Speaker 3: But the truth is is that when you embrace a
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Speaker 3: positive mindset, then positive things will find you. I can
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Speaker 3: promise you that the sentiment energy attracts like energy is
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Speaker 3: a sentiment that I literally embrace every single day when
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Speaker 3: I think about what I want out of the day.
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Speaker 3: That is what I am doing. I'm putting what I
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Speaker 3: want into the world. And so Megan is opening up
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Speaker 3: about exactly how we create that energy for ourselves with
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Speaker 3: her tried and true tricks and solutions. She opens up
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Speaker 3: up about her journey, how she became such a yay
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Speaker 3: person after overcoming a bout of grief dealing with the
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Speaker 3: loss of her father, and also how she seeks out
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Speaker 3: optimism and positivity even when things in her life are
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Speaker 3: not going as planned, even as she herself navigates hurdles
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Speaker 3: as a working mom of three. I'll be the first
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Speaker 3: to admit that some days it is difficult to take
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Speaker 3: on a positive perspective. But by listening to this episode,
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Speaker 3: I trust that you will be well equipped with the
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Speaker 3: tools you need to do just that. Make sure you're
2:35
Speaker 3: following along with hurdle over on social it's over at
2:38
Speaker 3: Hurtle Podcast. I myself am over at Emily a Body.
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Speaker 3: I'm going to put the link to Meggan's book You're
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Speaker 3: Fully Charged Life in the show notes if you're interested
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Speaker 3: in grabbing yourself a copy, and last, but not least,
2:49
Speaker 3: I want to take care of a little bit of
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Speaker 3: housekeeping and that I've received some messages lately. I think
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Speaker 3: Spotify has been a little iffy. Who knows what's going on.
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Speaker 3: But if you are having difficulty on your chosen streaming platform,
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Speaker 3: the good news is that it is available on nine
3:06
Speaker 3: different platforms. I'm talking Google podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, tune In,
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Speaker 3: cast box, you name it. So if ever you have
3:15
Speaker 3: a problem, I promise you Hurdle is available to you.
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Speaker 2: You just might need to pivot a little bit.
3:23
Speaker 3: And while you're pivoting, do me a solid rate and
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Speaker 3: review the show if you have a second. Wherever you
3:28
Speaker 3: get your podcasts, it means the world to me. Five stars,
3:32
Speaker 3: positive vibes, And with that, let's get to it. Let's
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Speaker 3: get to hurdling.
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Speaker 2: Today. I am sitting down with Meghan B. Murphy. What's
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Speaker 2: the beef stand for? Megan?
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Speaker 4: So I didn't have.
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Speaker 1: A middle name as a kid, and when I got married,
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Speaker 1: I decided to go from you can to Murphy because
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Speaker 1: Meghan Murphy sounds leper Coonnish versus Megan Buchan, which was
4:01
Speaker 1: always like Buchanan without the extra am.
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Speaker 4: But I wanted to nod to my past a little bit.
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Speaker 1: But my dad didn't like Buchan and always made fun
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Speaker 1: of our last name anyway, So I just made be
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Speaker 1: with no period. And it was sort of this thought
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Speaker 1: of like, it can be anything I want it to be,
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Speaker 1: and I can be anything I want to be.
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Speaker 3: Megan Bie would be you can be anything you want
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Speaker 3: to be, as you can hear. We're already starting this
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Speaker 3: on a positive note where we're going today. But Megan
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Speaker 3: is the author of a book called Your Fully Charged Life.
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Speaker 3: She's also the editor in chief of A Woman's Day.
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Speaker 3: How are you doing today, I'm doing pretty great. Yeah,
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Speaker 3: I'm just gonna go right in off the bat.
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Speaker 2: Tell me something you're grateful for today?
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Speaker 4: Oh my god.
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Speaker 1: Well, I woke up at six am with my middle
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Speaker 1: son because he really wanted to get his book report done,
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Speaker 1: and we were up at the crack but working on
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Speaker 1: his paper, and we invented a peaches and cream smoothie
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Speaker 1: and got it done before anybody was awake, and it
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Speaker 1: was just like kind of quality one on one time
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Speaker 1: got three kids, so like, just like that morning magic
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Speaker 1: with one kid felt really special.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, really special.
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Speaker 3: Also, I love that we invented a smoothie before anyone
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Speaker 3: else woke up.
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Speaker 2: AKA also used a blunder.
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Speaker 4: Oh my god, it was so loud.
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Speaker 1: Well, we didn't start blending till seven fifteen, when we
5:22
Speaker 1: knew big Sis had to be up, and then.
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Speaker 4: It was like.
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Speaker 3: Then it was time. Well, I'm so excited to finally
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Speaker 3: have you on the show. And I know, as I
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Speaker 3: said at the top of this, you are an author
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Speaker 3: of the books called Your Fully Charged Life.
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Speaker 2: I'll make sure to get in the show notes.
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Speaker 3: But let's talk a little bit about why the title
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Speaker 3: of this book. What made you want to write about
5:47
Speaker 3: taking advantage of your every day? Well?
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Speaker 1: I think the thing is is, like we all probably
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Speaker 1: have a book in us, right, It's what people ask
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Speaker 1: of us. And for me, people always ask for me
6:00
Speaker 1: like okay, like can I bottle your energy? How do
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Speaker 1: I channel that positive energy? And for me living this
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Speaker 1: way fully charged I like to call it was hard
6:10
Speaker 1: won and it took me years and years and years
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Speaker 1: to develop the toolkit to hack my own happiness, like
6:17
Speaker 1: not to get all sad and cry. But as my
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Speaker 1: father was dying, I sort of made a promise to him.
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Speaker 1: And sometimes I choke up when I talk about it,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes I don't, but it would be to leave
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Speaker 1: a legacy of positive energy because I transformed from somebody
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Speaker 1: who was nicknamed Neggie Meggie, who wore a grumpy necklace
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Speaker 1: and had some really tough times to somebody who really
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Speaker 1: does prioritize positivity and live with optimism and joy even
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Speaker 1: when their dad is dying. And so it became my mission,
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Speaker 1: sadly on his deathbed, to get this book out and
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Speaker 1: to share this toolkit.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that.
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Speaker 3: You know, it's understandable that you have so much emotion
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Speaker 3: surrounding a topic a passion that is so so strong
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Speaker 3: for you, and I think it's really beautiful that you
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Speaker 3: have learned how to harness this emotion and turn it
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Speaker 3: into a.
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Speaker 2: True project, a true calling, if you will.
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Speaker 1: Well, I think the funny thing too, is about grief
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Speaker 1: and that my friend Rabbi Steve, who's the Rabbi in
7:24
Speaker 1: residence at Woman's.
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Speaker 4: Day talks about it of these waves of grief.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes when I talk about my father, I can laugh
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Speaker 1: and smile and I don't get choked up. And sometimes
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Speaker 1: I just say his I just say pop, and I'm
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Speaker 1: in tears. So it's like those you just don't know
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Speaker 1: seven years later. I never know how it's going to
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Speaker 1: hit me, but sometimes it does. And I never try
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Speaker 1: to like suppress or hide that emotion. I just lean
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Speaker 1: into it.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, lean in. I love that.
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Speaker 3: That's definitely been something that I have been working on
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Speaker 3: over the last year as well. So before we talk
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Speaker 3: about how to bring this positivity into your every day,
8:01
Speaker 3: I would be a little bit curious. I'm curious to
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Speaker 3: know if your friends, the people that you surround yourself with,
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Speaker 3: your family, et cetera, had any sort of reaction to
8:10
Speaker 3: you stepping into this power of positivity, shifting a little
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Speaker 3: bit maybe from the megan they knew before.
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Speaker 1: It's funny, so people who know me now aren't surprised
8:22
Speaker 1: at all people who knew me then. It's really more
8:24
Speaker 1: of like, you know, my best friend from childhood, Stacy Krause,
8:28
Speaker 1: who like my hobby as a child, was literally sitting
8:31
Speaker 1: on the curb and sticking my tongue out at people
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Speaker 1: who drove by, like I was like a miserable little kid.
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Speaker 1: For her, it like to see this transformation is mind blowing,
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Speaker 1: But for people who only know me in the past
8:45
Speaker 1: ten years, it's it's not that shocking. And it has
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Speaker 1: been a very gradual, gradual transformation. I had many hurdles
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Speaker 1: in my teen years. I suffer from a raging eating disorder.
9:01
Speaker 1: I was hospitalized three times. My best friend passed away
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Speaker 1: from her eating disorder, and sort of going.
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Speaker 4: Through therapy and going through all of.
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Speaker 1: That, I began to have some tools and some strategies.
9:15
Speaker 1: But the crazy part was it literally wasn't until I
9:18
Speaker 1: was an editor at Cosmopolitan magazine and was tasked with
9:20
Speaker 1: this assignment of writing an article called the Seven Secrets
9:24
Speaker 1: of Happiness. And you know you have magazine background, you know,
9:28
Speaker 1: my editor in chief didn't know what the heck that
9:30
Speaker 1: story looked like. She just knew she wanted tech cover line.
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Speaker 1: So then these were the days before Google. I had
9:35
Speaker 1: to start kind of researching, okay, happiness, and that's when
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Speaker 1: I discovered the work of doctor Martin Seligman, you know,
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Speaker 1: the forefather of positive psychology. Stumbled upon the perma theory
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Speaker 1: of wealness, and like for the first time realized whoa
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Speaker 1: happy People weren't just happy because they're inherently happy, Like
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Speaker 1: there are these action steps, these choices, these ways that
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Speaker 1: we can live to do happiness and change our disposition,
10:02
Speaker 1: Like it just hadn't occurred to me, Like I could
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Speaker 1: live differently. And I started to try happiness on and
10:09
Speaker 1: there was a very gradual process. So it wasn't until
10:13
Speaker 1: years and years later that I feel like I started
10:15
Speaker 1: farting rainbows, because some days I feel like I fart rainbows.
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Speaker 1: I completely retrained my brain. I mean to truly have
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Speaker 1: I see the good. I can silver line anything. It
10:25
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it doesn't mean I don't hurt, it doesn't
10:27
Speaker 1: mean that things don't suck. But because I'm so grounded
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Speaker 1: in gratitude and practice prioritizing positivity, I have changed the
10:36
Speaker 1: way I see the world.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And so you talk about that transition to having
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Speaker 3: this outlook, keeping that power of perspective to be gradual.
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Speaker 3: Talk a little bit about how it felt as you
10:48
Speaker 3: were trying on this positive way of thinking.
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Speaker 1: So I was talking like people like look to Oprah
10:54
Speaker 1: in those like aha moments, like all of a sudden
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Speaker 1: it clicked absolutely not. I started thinking about the different
11:02
Speaker 1: aspects of the happiness equation, the happiness formula. Okay, what
11:08
Speaker 1: if I protect my sleep? What if I move my
11:10
Speaker 1: body in a way that feels good that versus a
11:14
Speaker 1: way that's punishing. What if I really like work on
11:18
Speaker 1: my connections, smile at a stranger. What if I do
11:23
Speaker 1: things like get out in nature? And how do those
11:27
Speaker 1: things make me feel? How do those things change the
11:30
Speaker 1: way I move through my day? And oh, my goodness,
11:33
Speaker 1: how do they make it better? And gratitude was a
11:36
Speaker 1: really big one for me because I always thought of
11:39
Speaker 1: gratitude of like, okay, yeah, we'll sit around the Thanksgiving table,
11:42
Speaker 1: we're eating turkey, and we'll talk about something we're grateful for, right,
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Speaker 1: Like that's what gratitude felt like, something to do with
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Speaker 1: thanksgiving or something like really woo woo yokies with crystals
11:51
Speaker 1: in their pocket were good at, but never something I
11:54
Speaker 1: was going to be able to practice. And even when
11:57
Speaker 1: I started to try to practice gratitude, it felt like
11:59
Speaker 1: home work. I got to keep a gratitude diary. I
12:02
Speaker 1: freaking love that idea, and I want to high five
12:05
Speaker 1: anybody who can put it into practice, but it didn't
12:07
Speaker 1: work for me. It was too homeworky, it was too rigid.
12:10
Speaker 1: I couldn't wrap my head around it. And it wasn't
12:13
Speaker 1: until I started asking myself what's your ya for the
12:16
Speaker 1: day and creating yay lists that it started to work
12:20
Speaker 1: for me. I had to fund filter gratitude to be
12:23
Speaker 1: able to adopt a gratitude practice. And now I mean, like,
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Speaker 1: I truly believe gratitude is a secret sauce in life
12:32
Speaker 1: makes the answer to everything.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I appreciate what you're saying here.
12:37
Speaker 3: What I'm hearing you say is really that you had
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Speaker 3: to make it work for you and you didn't have
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Speaker 3: judgment about the fact that your process may look different
12:45
Speaker 3: than whatever you may be scrolling by on Instagram.
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Speaker 4: Well that's what I kind of like want, Like.
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Speaker 1: This happiness tool kit, They're just what I've created are tools,
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Speaker 1: and everybody's toolkit is different, and the tools we need
12:59
Speaker 1: on different days are going to be different. I knew
13:02
Speaker 1: meditation needed to be a tool in the toolkit, but
13:05
Speaker 1: it wasn't a tool I really used right Like it
13:08
Speaker 1: was like the filled head screwdriver that I never picked
13:10
Speaker 1: up because all my screws were flatheads, right, all of
13:13
Speaker 1: a sudden, I'm like, wait, a second, meditation might be
13:16
Speaker 1: a tool I need to start to implement. So it's
13:19
Speaker 1: really about like knowing what the tools are and then wow,
13:25
Speaker 1: understanding when you might need to use them, and then
13:27
Speaker 1: just taking that microaction to try.
13:29
Speaker 3: It on, right, trying it on. So let's dive into
13:33
Speaker 3: the tools. I know you kind of went through a
13:35
Speaker 3: few important notes here. You mentioned movement, prioritizing your sleep,
13:40
Speaker 3: getting out in nature. But let's dive in and get
13:42
Speaker 3: a little bit more specific. So where does someone begin
13:44
Speaker 3: when they're trying to focus in on their gratitude and
13:48
Speaker 3: find the joy and every day?
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Speaker 1: I think it's one teeny little microaction. I think what
13:55
Speaker 1: I always try to remind people is that like, we're
13:57
Speaker 1: not broken, and I can't fix you, and you don't
14:00
Speaker 1: even need fixing, but tomorrow could be more awesome. And
14:03
Speaker 1: that means there's probably one thing that you could do,
14:07
Speaker 1: one little thing today you could do to inch onward,
14:10
Speaker 1: because that's what it's really all about. Getting unstuck and
14:14
Speaker 1: moving forward. Onward is a big mantra for me. Onward, onward, onwards.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes that's what I need to repeat to myself in
14:21
Speaker 1: a day. But those those microactions can be all kinds
14:28
Speaker 1: of little different things, right, and then my book I
14:30
Speaker 1: break down. You know, there is the health charge, and
14:32
Speaker 1: that's where I'm going to give you the sleep strategies
14:34
Speaker 1: and the movement strategies and all that. Like, you know,
14:37
Speaker 1: I'm somebody who had you know, arraging, needing to sort
14:41
Speaker 1: of exercise myself, exercise to punish myself. And then I
14:46
Speaker 1: was the fitness director of Self magazine and a certified
14:48
Speaker 1: trainer for twenty years and ran marathons and really learned
14:51
Speaker 1: to embrace fitness and movement. I underwent a double missectomy
14:55
Speaker 1: in October and was sidelined, you know, for eight weeks
15:00
Speaker 1: and had to you know, relearn health and wellness and
15:04
Speaker 1: movement once again. I mean, if you would have told
15:06
Speaker 1: me now, I walk five miles a day and I
15:09
Speaker 1: go to bar method, I basically don't recognize myself, right, Like,
15:12
Speaker 1: that's not how I moved in the past. But I
15:15
Speaker 1: know movement is a key tool, and that feels really good.
15:21
Speaker 1: There are relationships, So I always talk about the love
15:23
Speaker 1: charge and relationships, how much relationships matter. And I think
15:27
Speaker 1: we need to think beyond like a spouse, a partner,
15:30
Speaker 1: a boyfriend, a mother in law. You know, it's really
15:34
Speaker 1: about those so called weak ties. How we interact with
15:38
Speaker 1: a cashier, how we interact with the ups man. This
15:42
Speaker 1: became so evident to me during the pandemic when I
15:45
Speaker 1: craved connection, even though I was in a house of
15:47
Speaker 1: five people, I craved connection. And I would sit on
15:51
Speaker 1: my porch and talk to Anthony the ups man, from
15:56
Speaker 1: a distance, and that would be my little lightning bolt
15:58
Speaker 1: of electric charge because I knew I need that interaction.
16:03
Speaker 1: We need each other, We need our weak ties. And
16:06
Speaker 1: that means that when I'm going to go to the
16:08
Speaker 1: grocery store, I'm going to use the name tag as
16:10
Speaker 1: a gift, and I'm going to say good morning David,
16:12
Speaker 1: like how's your day. I'm gonna smile at him, right
16:16
Speaker 1: because I need that week time.
16:17
Speaker 4: We need each other.
16:19
Speaker 1: There are times when I'll just walk to my pharmacy
16:21
Speaker 1: and do a lap and say hi to Teresa and
16:24
Speaker 1: see how Bev's doing, because I need connection. And especially
16:28
Speaker 1: in a lonely work from home life, there's a lonely
16:31
Speaker 1: epidemic in this country. And the solution is we need
16:34
Speaker 1: each other. We need to smile at each other. We
16:35
Speaker 1: need to when you're walking, phone down, head up, Hi,
16:41
Speaker 1: smile at a stranger. They don't have to smile back,
16:44
Speaker 1: but put that good energy out there because you need
16:47
Speaker 1: that connection. So I focus a lot on relationships, and
16:51
Speaker 1: you can be an introvert and still practice this technique.
16:55
Speaker 4: We need each other. It's important.
16:57
Speaker 1: I do a lot of reframing to get to a
17:01
Speaker 1: positive place, and I'll do reframing even to trick myself
17:04
Speaker 1: into practicing gratitude.
17:05
Speaker 4: I don't have to. I get to.
17:07
Speaker 1: When I first got to move my body again after
17:10
Speaker 1: a double misectomy, I cried with such gratitude, like I
17:16
Speaker 1: got to do that again. How lucky, lucky, lucky. I
17:21
Speaker 1: don't have to do laundry. I get to because my
17:23
Speaker 1: kids got to go to the cross practice today. They
17:26
Speaker 1: got to get dirty knees.
17:28
Speaker 2: Fuck. Yeah.
17:30
Speaker 3: How does someone who has difficulty with the reframing practice
17:34
Speaker 3: really embrace seeing things from a different perspective?
17:39
Speaker 1: Just try it on right, Like it doesn't have to
17:41
Speaker 1: be this immediate thing. But what I often say to
17:45
Speaker 1: people is like change the way you do things to
17:48
Speaker 1: change the way you see things. So maybe you can't
17:51
Speaker 1: make that have to to get to flip right away.
17:54
Speaker 1: But honestly, how can you change the way you see
17:56
Speaker 1: the world today? Could you run a different route, could
17:59
Speaker 1: you pick a different ATM machine? Could you take a
18:01
Speaker 1: different line at Trader Joe's. Changing the way you do
18:04
Speaker 1: things helps change where you see things and could wake
18:07
Speaker 1: you off of autopilot to make other positive changes.
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Speaker 2: For sure.
18:12
Speaker 3: You know, at the beginning of the year, in January,
18:14
Speaker 3: one of the things that I was striving to do
18:16
Speaker 3: was do one new thing every week. A It's a
18:19
Speaker 3: lot easier to add one new thing into your routine
18:22
Speaker 3: than maybe even anyone realizes, right, So if that could
18:25
Speaker 3: be as simple as going to a new cafe, but
18:27
Speaker 3: I kind of took it to another level and I
18:30
Speaker 3: tried pickleball, I went to a pottery studio. Like I
18:33
Speaker 3: was just introducing new random activities into my week in
18:36
Speaker 3: a way that.
18:37
Speaker 2: Felt really fulfilling.
18:38
Speaker 3: And it was very clear to me that that added
18:41
Speaker 3: fun as you call it, that added yay, was the
18:44
Speaker 3: thing that helped me find gratitude and excitement and all
18:48
Speaker 3: the other things in my life that I was already doing.
18:51
Speaker 1: It's only because we get stuck on autopilot totally.
18:54
Speaker 4: No we forget to be alive. We just live. And
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Speaker 4: will you wake that up by.
19:02
Speaker 1: Taking the pottery class, buying yourself flowers, you know, literally
19:07
Speaker 1: walking on the opposite side of the street, eating breakfast
19:11
Speaker 1: at a different time instead of having eggs, having a smoothie. Right,
19:14
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes you just need a shake up to wake.
19:17
Speaker 2: Up, shake up to wake up.
19:19
Speaker 3: As my friend Nick Dio calls it, it's breaking the matrix,
19:22
Speaker 3: mixing things up.
19:23
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, I know.
19:26
Speaker 3: You also talk a lot about how saying no it
19:29
Speaker 3: can be really powerful when it comes to choosing yourself.
19:32
Speaker 3: Talk to me a little bit about how that plays
19:35
Speaker 3: into the scheme of things.
19:37
Speaker 1: I find that we're all too polite, and so we
19:40
Speaker 1: say yes when we want to say no because we
19:42
Speaker 1: don't want to hurt feelings. And my reframe is that
19:47
Speaker 1: saying no is a form of self care more important
19:49
Speaker 1: than a manicure, massage, or even a workout. Like it's
19:54
Speaker 1: radical self care. We need to say no. We need
19:57
Speaker 1: to prioritize our happiness by saying no. So therefore, when
20:03
Speaker 1: we do say yes, we have room to say yes
20:06
Speaker 1: to things that matter. And I have become a relentless
20:09
Speaker 1: no sayer and I try to give other moms and
20:13
Speaker 1: women permission to do the same. My kid doesn't have
20:16
Speaker 1: to go to every birthday party. No, he doesn't even
20:19
Speaker 1: like that kid. No, why I'm gonna say like no, right, like,
20:23
Speaker 1: and I'll often do my no. But you know, with
20:26
Speaker 1: people I care about, like my mom, you know, will
20:28
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I want to go see this community
20:30
Speaker 1: play at the Long Branch Theater And I'm like, no,
20:34
Speaker 1: but I love you and I want to spend time
20:36
Speaker 1: with you. So no, but you want to go to
20:38
Speaker 1: lunch and go shopping more my speed. Right, So it's
20:42
Speaker 1: it's like understanding that that no frees up, but yes
20:46
Speaker 1: that matters.
20:51
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Speaker 3: pack of all their delicious flavors with your purchase today. Lately,
24:03
Speaker 3: we're so inundated with the concept that the word no
24:07
Speaker 3: is enough as well. Right, So I like that you
24:10
Speaker 3: caveated that by saying with people that I care about,
24:14
Speaker 3: I want to make sure that we're communicating appropriately surrounding
24:17
Speaker 3: the no. But in other situations, no can just be enough.
24:22
Speaker 1: It's if it's though a mom, a mother, somebody that's
24:26
Speaker 1: in the sensitive, you know, like somebody you really care
24:29
Speaker 1: about that you want to protect their feelings. But like
24:33
Speaker 1: you asked me to volunteer for the carpool line, no
24:36
Speaker 1: hard stop, full sentence like, no, I'm not going to
24:41
Speaker 1: do that.
24:43
Speaker 2: No, not on my radar today, Not on my radar today.
24:46
Speaker 3: We've talked a bit about your history with Movement and also,
24:50
Speaker 3: as you so bravely shared speaking about your mes ectomy
24:55
Speaker 3: in October, you mentioned a big word for you is
24:57
Speaker 3: the word onward. How were you able to continue on
25:01
Speaker 3: with your positive mindset despite going through such unexpected challenges.
25:08
Speaker 1: You know, I feel I feel really grateful. I'm always
25:11
Speaker 1: grounded in gratitude. You know, my so my miosectomy was elective.
25:17
Speaker 1: My mom had breast cancer twice. I had lost my
25:20
Speaker 1: dad to pancreatic cancer. I've seen seen chemos, seen radiation
25:24
Speaker 1: like I have the genetic mutation, and I had had
25:27
Speaker 1: many scares, and I had been getting screenings like gosh,
25:31
Speaker 1: like every three months for the past two years. And
25:33
Speaker 1: I got tired, and I wanted to take charge of
25:36
Speaker 1: my health. I wanted to be fully charged in my
25:40
Speaker 1: health space. So I went through the surgery and it
25:44
Speaker 1: was the craziest thing happened is the night I got home,
25:47
Speaker 1: I got lce. My kid had had school pictures, shared
25:52
Speaker 1: a brush and I'm sitting getting just gotten home from
25:55
Speaker 1: the hospital, can't lift my arms bandaged four drains, and
25:59
Speaker 1: my my daughter sends me a picture and she's like, Mom,
26:02
Speaker 1: there's bugs in my hair. And I'm like, oh my god.
26:05
Speaker 1: Yell to my husband like I can't get out of
26:07
Speaker 1: the chair. It's gonna take me twenty minutes, seat ot
26:09
Speaker 1: of the chert. Can you go say? And she had
26:11
Speaker 1: put my hair in a top knot with her brush,
26:13
Speaker 1: so I'd freaking lice. And it was like the most
26:16
Speaker 1: beautiful reminder to me in that moment of like we
26:19
Speaker 1: are never in charge. We are actually never in charge.
26:22
Speaker 1: I had this surgery to try to take charge of
26:25
Speaker 1: my health.
26:25
Speaker 4: But guess what.
26:26
Speaker 1: The only thing I can truly control is my reaction.
26:31
Speaker 1: And so right now I need to laugh at lice,
26:33
Speaker 1: because if I can't laugh at lice, I will never
26:37
Speaker 1: move onward. And it is something that I always really
26:40
Speaker 1: focus on, is my reaction matters, and I am completely
26:44
Speaker 1: in charge of that reaction. No matter what I'm going through,
26:46
Speaker 1: no matter how hard something is, no matter how much
26:49
Speaker 1: something sucks, I'm in charge. I get to decide how
26:52
Speaker 1: I react, and that is so incredibly empowering. And I
26:56
Speaker 1: choose the fully charged path again and a freaking again
26:59
Speaker 1: and a freaking again.
27:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you mentioned your version of daily gratitude in
27:05
Speaker 3: being that Yale list. Explain what the Yale List is
27:08
Speaker 3: and how someone can start their own.
27:11
Speaker 4: So it was really born from grief.
27:14
Speaker 1: My dad was my man, my person, and when he
27:17
Speaker 1: was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, it was like a few
27:21
Speaker 1: months and gone, and it was brutal. I mean, I
27:23
Speaker 1: had three little kids at the time, a big job,
27:26
Speaker 1: and I didn't actually know how to get out of
27:29
Speaker 1: bed in the morning. I didn't think I could do
27:32
Speaker 1: it right, like it was super super low and I'm talking.
27:36
Speaker 1: I had like a five year old to three year
27:38
Speaker 1: old and an eighteen month old. I was like the
27:41
Speaker 1: deputyator of Self magazine and I couldn't get out of bed,
27:46
Speaker 1: and I inched myself out of bed by reminding myself
27:49
Speaker 1: of one thing that didn't suck. And that's literally how
27:53
Speaker 1: the yal list started. That's literally I got angry and
27:57
Speaker 1: tried to evaluate what didn't suck that day, and I
28:00
Speaker 1: looked really hard at it because it felt like everything sucked,
28:03
Speaker 1: and it would be like, oh my gosh, there's freaking
28:06
Speaker 1: heart foam on this latte. That is pretty amazing. I'm
28:10
Speaker 1: gonna focus on this foam. Hoh bait. It's some pretty
28:13
Speaker 1: mean hartshape form my goddamn latte, Like that doesn't suck,
28:16
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna take a picture of it and I'm
28:18
Speaker 1: gonna share on Instagram with a hashtag you know ya,
28:21
Speaker 1: the a list Operation Good Grief, And I'm gonna do
28:24
Speaker 1: it again tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm gonna notice the daffodils that
28:28
Speaker 1: just bloomed at the end of my sidewalk, because that
28:31
Speaker 1: doesn't suck. I like flowers flowers don't suck, and I'm
28:35
Speaker 1: gonna take picture and I'm gonna share it. And I
28:38
Speaker 1: also was sharing it with the hashtag operation good Grief.
28:41
Speaker 1: So not only was I looking for the good in
28:44
Speaker 1: the world, I was also opening up about my pain.
28:48
Speaker 1: And so I had this community around my grief, people
28:52
Speaker 1: cheering me on to find the AA and it became
28:56
Speaker 1: easier and easier to find things that didn't suck. And
29:00
Speaker 1: I will tell you, for the first year, I was
29:03
Speaker 1: still using that language what doesn't suck today, because truly
29:08
Speaker 1: I could hardly get out of bed. And then ultimately
29:12
Speaker 1: I began to retrain my brain, you know, the neural
29:16
Speaker 1: pathways were different, and I was like seeing more and
29:19
Speaker 1: more good and it was getting easier and easier, and
29:22
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, the daffodils, the latte, Oh
29:25
Speaker 1: my gosh, my cute tank top. Like it was like
29:28
Speaker 1: I was really starting to see the good in the world,
29:30
Speaker 1: to appreciate the good in the world, to feel grateful
29:33
Speaker 1: for the things that didn't suck. And ultimately, after my
29:36
Speaker 1: dad passed and I had really committed to this legacy
29:38
Speaker 1: of positive energy, I also wanted to change the language
29:41
Speaker 1: around it, and it became finding the Ya The Ya
29:45
Speaker 1: list and truly is just a fun, filtered approach to
29:49
Speaker 1: practicing gratitude. I didn't know that's what I had started
29:51
Speaker 1: to do.
29:52
Speaker 4: I didn't notice. I didn't know.
29:54
Speaker 1: That I was practicing gratitude, and that's why I was
29:57
Speaker 1: starting to feel better, one microaction on a.
29:59
Speaker 2: Time, onward onward.
30:01
Speaker 3: And I love the gamification that you used to help
30:05
Speaker 3: yourself through this time period. And I also appreciate what
30:08
Speaker 3: you mentioned about the power of getting others involved in
30:12
Speaker 3: your journey, getting to a place where you can be
30:15
Speaker 3: a little bit vulnerable knowing that there is positivity and
30:19
Speaker 3: good vibes for you on the other side.
30:21
Speaker 2: Why is it important to get others involved.
30:24
Speaker 3: In your journey if you really want to embrace a
30:27
Speaker 3: more positive and grateful life.
30:30
Speaker 1: I think it's really individual, right. So I'm somebody who
30:33
Speaker 1: needs community. I thrive with a sense of community. I
30:37
Speaker 1: want to feel hugged, I want to feel understood. I
30:39
Speaker 1: want to relate to other people. And I just sort
30:42
Speaker 1: of learned very early in my life that when I
30:45
Speaker 1: make my mess my message and welcome people into my pain,
30:51
Speaker 1: I feel better. So when I shared that like my
30:54
Speaker 1: dad was dying, of pangar ottic cancer. I can't tell
30:56
Speaker 1: you how many people stepped up and like, oh, I
30:58
Speaker 1: lost my father to pancreatic cancer. I wound up having
31:01
Speaker 1: grief mentors. People showed me what it looked like to
31:04
Speaker 1: come out the other side. If I hadn't been vulnerable,
31:06
Speaker 1: if I hadn't opened up, if I hadn't inspired a
31:09
Speaker 1: sense of community, I wouldn't have had those incredibly valuable mentors.
31:14
Speaker 1: I needed a grief mentor more than I ever needed
31:16
Speaker 1: a career mentor. What I needed a grief mentor. I
31:19
Speaker 1: needed to know that someday I would breathe again, that
31:21
Speaker 1: it was going to be better. And so for me,
31:24
Speaker 1: that sense of I want to feel a sense of belonging.
31:26
Speaker 1: I want to feel understood. I want to be able
31:28
Speaker 1: to help other people as well. I want to have
31:31
Speaker 1: a community of understanding. Community is such a core value
31:35
Speaker 1: to me. It's even I'm the chief spirit officer of
31:37
Speaker 1: my town and I run the social media as a
31:40
Speaker 1: hobby because I think we should all love where we
31:43
Speaker 1: live and feel connected to our neighbors. It's one of
31:44
Speaker 1: the secrets to happiness. So whether that's your intimate community
31:47
Speaker 1: of where you actually live or a global community of
31:50
Speaker 1: the people around you comes back down. Do we need
31:52
Speaker 1: each other? We need each other in so many ways
31:54
Speaker 1: we don't even know.
31:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean two things to touch on here.
31:57
Speaker 3: One, what you're getting at this thing that we all
32:02
Speaker 3: just really want to be seen, heard and feel less
32:04
Speaker 3: alone in whatever it is that we're going through. So,
32:06
Speaker 3: whether it is navigating as you so beautifully share the
32:10
Speaker 3: loss of your father, or just going on a day
32:12
Speaker 3: to day journey, navigating that inner critic that we all have,
32:16
Speaker 3: and maybe how you feel about your body, there is
32:19
Speaker 3: someone out there that is going through a struggle that
32:23
Speaker 3: feels like you do. So opening up really gives you
32:26
Speaker 3: that really beautiful opportunity. And then the other thing that
32:30
Speaker 3: you said, which I really appreciate.
32:32
Speaker 2: Is stepping into your values. Right.
32:35
Speaker 3: It seems to me that a broader understanding of self,
32:38
Speaker 3: and even bigger than that, a full understanding of what's
32:41
Speaker 3: important to you and what you value, has enabled you
32:45
Speaker 3: to really step into.
32:46
Speaker 2: This power of positivity. Would you agree? Does that resonate
32:49
Speaker 2: with you?
32:49
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I wear my core values on my wrist,
32:52
Speaker 1: so I have this massive arm party and you know
32:55
Speaker 1: what they say, freedom, family, and fun. My three values
33:00
Speaker 1: are fun, family, and freedom, and I view the world
33:03
Speaker 1: through that lens. Does it improve my family? Is it fun?
33:07
Speaker 1: Does it contribute to my freedom? Because those are the
33:09
Speaker 1: three core values I mean, and obviously community, and there's
33:12
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of other but those are my three
33:15
Speaker 1: important key values fun, family, and freedom. And I know
33:19
Speaker 1: it seems almost like fun that's your core value. Yes,
33:23
Speaker 1: I fun filter life and that's important to me.
33:28
Speaker 3: And that's all that really matters, right, because they're your values,
33:31
Speaker 3: They're not somebody else's values. It's like when we talk
33:33
Speaker 3: about the term self worth, right, It's like so often
33:37
Speaker 3: it is so easy, because of the highlight reel and
33:41
Speaker 3: the world that we live in, to gauge how we
33:43
Speaker 3: feel or believe that we should feel based on what
33:46
Speaker 3: we see in the world around us. But really, where
33:50
Speaker 3: is your worth coming from? Self worth? How do you
33:52
Speaker 3: feel about yourself when you're by yourself? That's where we begin,
33:56
Speaker 3: and then you move forward from there with how you
33:58
Speaker 3: interact with everything that's happening around you.
34:01
Speaker 1: And I will say, like, so I'm going to be
34:04
Speaker 1: I'm going to be forty eight. I'm not going to
34:06
Speaker 1: be forty eight for a few months. But but as
34:08
Speaker 1: I was telling you earlier, I like to try on
34:09
Speaker 1: my new age before I get there, So I like
34:12
Speaker 1: basically just walk around saying I'm forty eight, but I'm
34:14
Speaker 1: really forty seven. But I think the gift of being
34:17
Speaker 1: this old is that I've outgrown vanity. I've stopped giving
34:22
Speaker 1: a shit when anybody thinks, and I really feel content
34:27
Speaker 1: grounded in gratitude. And I think, like especially people who
34:30
Speaker 1: suffer from fomo or gratitude is the antidote to that,
34:34
Speaker 1: because when you appreciate what you have and you're grateful
34:36
Speaker 1: for your world, you don't need to compare to other peoples.
34:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, what a really beautiful sentiment. So for someone
34:45
Speaker 3: who does feel challenged by this, that is struggling with fomo,
34:50
Speaker 3: that's not quite there. Do you have any other advice
34:53
Speaker 3: for them on how to get rooted in their own
34:55
Speaker 3: gratitude practice.
34:58
Speaker 1: I think it's give yourself a break and treat gratitude,
35:02
Speaker 1: to treat your treat yourself with grace, Like you don't
35:05
Speaker 1: need to adopt a gratitude practice today and like write
35:09
Speaker 1: five things right, like what could could you maybe maybe
35:14
Speaker 1: decide that something doesn't suck today and just acknowledge it
35:18
Speaker 1: take stock and something you appreciate. Could you just pause
35:21
Speaker 1: for a hot second and be like, Wow, I really
35:24
Speaker 1: appreciate the fact that, like the laundryes fold it right,
35:28
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't have to be major. It could be
35:30
Speaker 1: like I really appreciate that I like, you know, had
35:32
Speaker 1: fresh squeezed orange juice, Like it doesn't it doesn't have
35:35
Speaker 1: to be like I appreciate, Like it doesn't have to
35:37
Speaker 1: be global, it doesn't be massive, just one thing. I
35:41
Speaker 1: like to think of everything in microactions, Like definitely there's
35:45
Speaker 1: one tiny little thing that you could do today to
35:48
Speaker 1: pause to appreciate.
35:50
Speaker 2: What's one thing that you're looking forward to right now?
35:53
Speaker 1: Megan, I like have really I became a walker and
35:58
Speaker 1: I'm going to walk in the woods five miles with
36:01
Speaker 1: my labradoodle after this interview. And it's I laugh and
36:07
Speaker 1: I smile on these walks because I'm like, I was
36:10
Speaker 1: a marathon er, I was a competitive runner never in
36:13
Speaker 1: a bajillion years. I mean, I feel like I should
36:16
Speaker 1: be like in an easy spirit commercial, like I don't
36:18
Speaker 1: even know myself.
36:19
Speaker 4: I walk.
36:20
Speaker 1: I walk places like I need sneakers with more heel support.
36:24
Speaker 1: Now I'm like, who am I? But man, I look
36:27
Speaker 1: forward to my daily walks. I love being in nature.
36:30
Speaker 1: It is so magical for me. I love just breathing
36:34
Speaker 1: in the like the woodsy air and noticing the cherry blossoms,
36:38
Speaker 1: and like having this time with my dog, who now
36:40
Speaker 1: is obsessed with me because he had never been walked
36:43
Speaker 1: in four years, because I didn't really know you needed
36:45
Speaker 1: to walk a dog. You have a fenced in yard
36:48
Speaker 1: and it's enough shit the dog needs to be walked.
36:51
Speaker 1: But now he's my best friend. And I notice new
36:54
Speaker 1: things on all of my walks and I I have
36:57
Speaker 1: this new practice. So I used to hide at rocks.
37:00
Speaker 1: You started like the Gratitude Rocks project, where you would
37:04
Speaker 1: hide rocks with positive messages around town for people to
37:06
Speaker 1: find and spark joy. Maybe the rocks as you're stronger
37:09
Speaker 1: than you think you are this or that. I started
37:12
Speaker 1: hiding these little metal angels on my walks for people
37:17
Speaker 1: to find, and it gives me like such like I
37:22
Speaker 1: just love the idea of somebody finding one of these
37:26
Speaker 1: little angels on their walk and what it would do
37:28
Speaker 1: for their day.
37:29
Speaker 4: Because rocks got too heavy to carry on five miles.
37:32
Speaker 1: These little angels in my pockets, but that's I get
37:37
Speaker 1: like and I can't wait to hide them.
37:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's adorable. That's truly so sweet.
37:42
Speaker 3: And you know what I hear when I listen to
37:44
Speaker 3: you talk is really just you have such a keen
37:46
Speaker 3: awareness of the things that bring you joy. And it
37:49
Speaker 3: sounds so simple at surface, right to say to someone
37:55
Speaker 3: or just to ask someone, like what are the things
37:57
Speaker 3: that you enjoy? But you have truly done the work
38:00
Speaker 3: to have a strong understanding of what's on that list.
38:04
Speaker 3: And it doesn't need to be something that takes you
38:07
Speaker 3: hours to put together. I would just encourage anyone that's
38:10
Speaker 3: listening to this to take stock of what would go
38:13
Speaker 3: on that list, to sit down with yourself for five
38:15
Speaker 3: or ten minutes, even over a few days. It doesn't
38:18
Speaker 3: even need to be all at once and take some
38:20
Speaker 3: time to articulate the things that bring you joy, because
38:23
Speaker 3: once you do, you will be, without a doubt better
38:26
Speaker 3: for it.
38:27
Speaker 4: I talk a lot about.
38:28
Speaker 1: This in the book, little strategies like have a damn
38:31
Speaker 1: favorite color.
38:32
Speaker 4: Have a favorite color and.
38:33
Speaker 1: Make sure people know about it, like my book cover
38:36
Speaker 1: is orange, my front door is arge. I can't tell
38:38
Speaker 1: you how many times someone is like, set me you know,
38:43
Speaker 1: flowers like thought of you I saw these orange roses
38:45
Speaker 1: at Trader Joe's and they left them on my doorstep,
38:48
Speaker 1: or like, we'll screenshot something with a lightning bolt because
38:50
Speaker 1: they're like I thought of you.
38:52
Speaker 4: Right.
38:52
Speaker 1: When we're vocal about what we care about, when we decide,
38:55
Speaker 1: when we actively decide what delights us and then allow
38:59
Speaker 1: ourselves to delight in that detail and those details, you
39:02
Speaker 1: attract more of it. People know I love orange and
39:05
Speaker 1: lightning bolts. I can't tell you how much of that
39:06
Speaker 1: I attract into my life. People know my Murphy's laws.
39:09
Speaker 1: I buy myself flowers every Monday. I can't tell you
39:12
Speaker 1: how many people have just randomly sent me flowers. Because
39:15
Speaker 1: you attract what you put out, and it's okay to
39:17
Speaker 1: delight in the details. And these things aren't frivolous, they're necessary.
39:21
Speaker 1: And that's the thing I think people don't recognize. It's
39:25
Speaker 1: okay to get a new pair of shoes and think
39:26
Speaker 1: they're the best thing that ever happened, and like, walk
39:29
Speaker 1: on sunshine when you wear them, And that's not frivolous,
39:32
Speaker 1: it's necessary. We need to delight in the details because
39:35
Speaker 1: life is scary and hard, and there's so much.
39:38
Speaker 4: Bad stuff out there.
39:39
Speaker 1: And our negativity bias is so strong. So what happens
39:42
Speaker 1: if you flip the switch and allow yourself to delight
39:44
Speaker 1: in the details, to find the yay and actually enjoy it.
39:48
Speaker 3: And not all the details need to involve spending money,
39:52
Speaker 3: right as you already articulated, right, your delight in the
39:55
Speaker 3: details is being able to go out for a walk
39:57
Speaker 3: with your dog. Your delight in the details is being
39:59
Speaker 3: able to put on orange because you know this color
40:01
Speaker 3: makes you feel energized and excited. Find the things that
40:04
Speaker 3: make you happy, find the things that bring you joy,
40:07
Speaker 3: and make sure that you're surrounding yourself with those things.
40:10
Speaker 3: Because as you so beautifully put, energy attracts like energy
40:14
Speaker 3: hard stop.
40:17
Speaker 1: And I talk about that. I love science because I'm
40:19
Speaker 1: a magazine editor, service journalist for twenty five years. So like,
40:22
Speaker 1: there's forty five pages of citations in my book, and
40:24
Speaker 1: even the thing with like I use the term dopamine
40:27
Speaker 1: dressing and talk about in clothed cognition, like your clothes
40:31
Speaker 1: do matter, Like you know, dress up to feel up.
40:34
Speaker 1: I don't wear black because I'm not. My life is
40:37
Speaker 1: not it's a party, it's not a funeral. But like
40:39
Speaker 1: some people feel sleek and wonderful and happy and black,
40:42
Speaker 1: but like understanding just basically understanding how things affect you,
40:47
Speaker 1: like kind of just how does that make me feel?
40:50
Speaker 1: Really taking stock throughout the course of your day, and
40:54
Speaker 1: then the things that delight you get more of that,
40:57
Speaker 1: do more of that, surround yourself with more of that.
41:00
Speaker 3: Meghan would have no idea what to do with my closet,
41:02
Speaker 3: but black makes me feel good.
41:04
Speaker 4: And that's but that's the thing.
41:06
Speaker 1: That's because we assign the meeting to our wardrobe, right
41:09
Speaker 1: like I want emojisque prints and bright colors. But that's
41:12
Speaker 1: because that's like you just have to see You have
41:15
Speaker 1: to just notice how you feel. And that's with being
41:18
Speaker 1: on autopilot. We don't notice how we feel. And if
41:21
Speaker 1: we don't notice how we feel, we can't find the AA.
41:24
Speaker 3: If we don't notice how we feel them, we can't
41:26
Speaker 3: find the A. All right, Well, final question, how are
41:29
Speaker 3: we feeling today?
41:31
Speaker 1: I really feel good, like you got me on like
41:34
Speaker 1: a five out of a five day. I just did
41:37
Speaker 1: a cardiobar methic class. I'm about to go for a walk, fun,
41:41
Speaker 1: family and freedom check check.
41:43
Speaker 2: Check check check check.
41:44
Speaker 3: Well, Meghan, I'm so glad that we were able to
41:47
Speaker 3: sit down today. If they don't follow you just yet,
41:49
Speaker 3: how do the hurdlers keep up with you?
41:50
Speaker 2: How do they follow along with you? Give us your details?
41:53
Speaker 4: Oh kay?
41:54
Speaker 1: So I'm at Meghan me E A G H A
41:57
Speaker 1: N B. Murphy on social media. I'm not TikTok. I
42:00
Speaker 1: don't know how to do that. I wrote a book,
42:04
Speaker 1: Your Full Charged Life, that's available wherever books are sold,
42:07
Speaker 1: which sadly mostly means Amazon.
42:09
Speaker 4: What else? That's it?
42:10
Speaker 2: Right, that's it, right, that's it.
42:14
Speaker 3: I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast another
42:17
Speaker 3: hurdle conquered.
42:18
Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time