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Monday Mini: Are Boyfriends Embarrassing? (Part 1) · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: And Samantha and welcome to stuff I never told your
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: production of iHeartRadio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: And welcome to another Monday Mini. We've kind of been
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: hinting at, yes, but I think we are going to
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: dive into it. So recently we made mention of an
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: article that had really been impacting a lot of people,
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: apparently all the people's both positive and negative. And you
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: know what, I've enjoyed every bit of it, every bit
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: of it, including a lot of like commentary from the
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: actual author. The article is titled is having a boyfriend Embarrassing?
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: So this is written by Chantey Joseph and was published
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: in October of twenty twenty five this year for Vogue
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: US and with this popularity that actually spread internationally and
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: then so I'm like, other articles are now writing articles
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: based on this article. It is making waves.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Anyah. The reaction, y'all, wow.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: It has been both enlightening and disheartening to see in
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: real time as.
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: It was released.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: But I will say the question alone resonated, like seriously,
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: any resonated as a person who feels they can only
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: identify as heterosexual and am in currencys hetero relationship in
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: our field? That I say, we understand that identity and
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: structure is a spectrum. Like we have come to that conversation.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: We embrace it and find joy in that that it
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: is all a spectrum, and we say that for mental health,
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: we say that about gender identity. Like so many things,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: there's spectrums, and I think it makes the most sense
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: that that is how it should be evaluated. But with that,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: this type of articles can't help but feel exposed with
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: understanding that. Of course, we've talked about the usage of
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: the term partner, because that's been a big debate, right
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: like even today.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was actually past host and founder Kristen. She
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: did a whole episode on years and years ago on
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: about like boyfriend, the word feels really childish, it doesn't
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: feel very serious, So what is the other what are
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: the other words we can use? And she partner was
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: part of that discussion. So yeah, we've been talking about
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: this for.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: A while a while, and like even today, people get
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: upset for people who are in since hetero relationship to
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: call their boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever whatnot partners instead of boyfriend girlfriend.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: And I've talked.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Previously about the fact that this is because age, like marage,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: is not something that I see in my future and
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: not anything that I've ever really wanted outside of being
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: told I should want it, and so following that social norm,
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: which again is part of this conversation, So feel like
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: calling my seven year relationship boyfriend. When we live together,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: own things together, like share like a dog, all these things,
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: it just seems not significant enough, you know, to compare
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: it to a high school boyfriend or a middle school boyfriend,
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: slash all those things so it's more significant. And then
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: I've also seen a queer couple saying that they like
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: it because it gives credence as well as value to
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: partnerships as what they call each other, and even when
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: they do get married or if they do get married,
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: they see that and being able to claim that as
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: being a norm. So normalizing that word feels like progress.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: So it's like a back and forth of that. With
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: all of that said, like I felt like me using
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: that term partner maybe implying that I'm trying to hide
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: the fact that I have a boyfriend. But I've been
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: you know, specific because he goes by he and so
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: there's no hiding it other than I'm not also not
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: airing his name out because it's not, you know, in
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: respect to him and everything else. So definitely different reasons,
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: but like it does feel like I'm kind of hiding
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: it a little bit when I say this, And I
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: think it's interesting because this article kind of hits on
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: not him. This has nothing to do with my actual partner.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: It's the conversation of having or being in said relationship, right.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: So in this article, Joseph asked this question and talks
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: about the cultural shift of like, once upon a time,
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: having a boyfriend, having that partner and being in a
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: cis heterosexual relationship gave you power, gave you more value
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: as a person, as a woman.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was your goal.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: It was the thing that you wanted and you know,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: go to college and get your mrs degree, Like it
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: means your whole thing.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: This is who you were supposed to be.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: So she writes this in this conversations like is it
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: a cultural shift? Maybe?
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: Why are people.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Saying, nah, we don't say that, it says soa gives
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Are people embarrassed by their boyfriends now or is something
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: more complicated going on? To me, it feels like the
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: result of women wanting to straddle to worlds one where
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: they can receive the social benefits of having a partner,
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: but also not appear as boyfriend obsessed that they come
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: across as quite culturally losorish. Quote. They want the prize
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: and celebration of partnership, but understand the norminess of it,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: says as Zoe Shmudzi, writer and activists. In other words,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: in an era of widespread hetero fatalism, women don't want
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: to be seen as being all about their men, but
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: they also want the cloud that comes with being partnered. Okay,
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: So the way that sounds, it feels very accusatory in
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: a certain sense of like, oh, they're trying to be
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: both these things. Again, when I say the word partner,
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's trying for me to purposely hide
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: something in a field that that's not necessarily a celebration
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: that doesn't make you special, which I'm glad. Which I'm
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: glad because I lived the majority of my life not
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: being in relationships. So like, I love seeing that as
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: in fact as of reason. As happy as I am
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: in my relationship and any you've witnessed our relationship pretty closely,
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: pretty closely, and we are happily together, I feel like
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: we're pretty equal in so many things, and we take
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: care of each other, and like we are aligned when
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: it comes to political things and mental health things and
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: cultural and social things. So there's no surprise for me.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Like for a little while I thought there might be,
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: but there wasn't. With all of that though, like it's
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: still odd, and I will say to people who are
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: not in relationships and seeking relationships, like why why, especially
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: if they've come out of a bad relationship or bad
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: dating experiences. Be like, being single is not bad. It
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: is actually pretty great. You should learn to embrace it.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you just had a really great interview that
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: you'll hear with Liberal Jane. But because we have so
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: many things, I didn't get to bring up this point,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: but she was talking about divorce and kind of how
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: people have that knee jerk. Oh, I'm so sorry, But
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: there really has been a shift in that conversation as well.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: And I actually witnessed this years ago when I was
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: at a bar and there was just a group of
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: divorced women and they were having the best time, and
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: they were like, this was a I'm glad I was
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: able to make this decision. We found each other. But
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: that's just not the narrative. I grew up hearing I
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: grew up hearing if you get divorced, you failed. If
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: you can't find the dude in a very heteronormative sense,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: you have failed. But I do think something is happening
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: right now where peeple are being more willing to say,
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: you know what, I'd rather be single, or you know what,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: I'd rather be divorced women specifically, where that hasn't been
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: the case for a while, at least openly I think
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: it was, but openly people are talking about it more.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: They are, And in this place she talked specifically about
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: like the progressiveness I guess in that once upon a
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: time you could only make good content as if you
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: had to show you perfect boyfriend relationship and now and
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: capitalize on that. But now that's shifting, and so they're like, oh,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: blow out his face, don't show him. We got Yeah,
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: So like this cultural dynamic being changing again, the circular
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: time of like regressing in all these things. But in
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: her research, she talks about different women's reasons to why
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: they may not share their partnership so kind of hiding
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: it as they say, whether it was a fear of
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: the relationship ending like this, like at one point when
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: it ends, what happens, you have to also publicly. And
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: then I've seen so many of those where relationships end
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: in divorce and their whole platform was about them having
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: the perfect relationship or they're horrible breakup because one of
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: them did the other is get to get called out.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: It gets messy and like things get gross or things
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: happening in which like they're just sad, and so they
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: can't grieve for more. And people, because you've shared so much,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: feel that they have the right to know why, why
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: is there entertainment going away? Why is their fantasy or
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: ideal of this relationship going away? And it does happen
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: with both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, so like we know
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: this is a crossboard.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And actually I have a friend We've been
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: honest about it listeners, but neither of us really listen
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: to podcasts. But I have a friend that listens to
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: a lot of podcasts and they're the hosts who were
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: best friends, just platonic best friends, broke up and the
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: podcast went away, And I've been like getting these texts
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: from her about how devastated she is because this was
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: a relationship she was fond of and that was their
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: whole thing, and she says like, now it's hard for
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: me to even listen to the old podcast episodes because
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: now I know how this ended and it was really
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: gross apparently, but you get attached to the idea of it.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, now that that's happening on playing out like it
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: once upon a time as.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: It ages that ends this way.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Those are other reasons that they said that people are
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: afraid that other people are jealous and that might ruin
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: it somehow, And I think like whether it's they're trying
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: to break them apart or they're trying to find faults
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: in their relationships. Again, there's also those who are paranoid,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: like you're just jealous of me type of thing too,
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So like those levels exist and they feel like this
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: could you know, ruin the show again. It also has
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: something to do with like they just feel guilty and
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: having a relationship, And it could be those people who
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: maybe have for a long time banked on the fact
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: that they are single wild now girls or having like
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: these like moments of like travel alone and then they
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: do find somebody, they're like, oh, we can't we can't
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: show I feel like we kind of win this it
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: with past hosts. Kristin you just mentioned when she was
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: of course there's so many things that happened happening, but
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: when she got engaged and then she got like an
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: op ed and they came after her specifically being like,
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: how dare you, as a feminist get married? Yeah?
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and she was, you know, excited about it, and
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: it was and then she should be. This is she
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: found somebody she really loved and that she was open
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: about it and very excited about it, and people were like, well,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: you've lied to me.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: Then, yeah, you're not an independent, strong woman at the
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: very marrying a woman.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: Like it's just like it was like intensity.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I remember that because I had to her wedding and
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: like it was a beautiful, dude, everything was wonderful, but
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: it was like the pre as I was saying, and
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: I was barely on social media at that point, but
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, why are people having so many
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: opinions about her wedding. I'm very confused about this.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: It was, Yeah, it was strange, that whole thing. I
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: remember that too.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: Didn't she have to come out with an episode to explain?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I think so?
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she Because at the time I was mostly involved
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: in the YouTube the stuff one never told you YouTube
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: videos and she had a series professor boyfriend, which is
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: when her boyfriend would come on and they would talk
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: about things. It was really cute, but I'm pretty sure
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: they had like a whole thing that was just.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: You know, he's here supporting me to do that.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I'm sure he wasn't getting paid, which is wrong by
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: the way that he should have been, but he was
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: there supporting her. There was no talk of like, I
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: don't know, she's gonna stop doing this because she's getting married.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: It was just a very bizarre.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: Why people thought that immediately this meant she's not a feminist.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Actually right, Yeah, it was an odd level, but yeah,
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: like not necessarily, Kristin did not do this. But I
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: know a lot of people again out of guilt for
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: like they can't say they have a boyfriend or they
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: are in a heterosexual relationship, us this relationship anyway. So
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: it is interesting and again Jose goes on and it
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: explains this way, but there was an overwhelming sense from
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: single and partnered women alike that, regardless of the relationship,
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: being with a man was an almost guilty thing to do.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: On the Delusional Diaries podcast, fronted by two New York
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: based influencers.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: Haley and Jazz.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: They discuss whether having a boyfriend is quote lame. Now,
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: why does having a boyfriend? Phil Republican read a top
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: comment boyfriends are out of style. They won't come back
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: in until they start acting right read another with thousands
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: of likes in essence quote having a boyfriend that typically
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: takes hits on women's aura. As one comment or claimed,
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: so I feel like this is the backwards of like
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: this is the results of the patriarchy and misogyny, Like
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: this is the results of like what we have seen
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: are such bad relationships. Yep, that that seems to be
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: the norm. So therefore that is really embarrassing.
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I have a friend who is in a wonderful relationship now,
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: but historically have not liked her boyfriend. And there's nothing.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I don't judge her, and I don't feel like she
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: is an intelligent person, but there was something about because
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: all of her relationships were bad, I just had this association.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: So her new the person she's seeing is wonderful. I
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: put off meeting him forever. Yeah, because I was like,
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I don't even want to everybody else I haven't liked,
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: so I get that kind of idea of and you know, honestly,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: this is saying something about as we were talking about
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: it in a last Monday, many state of dating, the
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: state of men and these heterosexual dating situations is so
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: bad that now we have this association.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Of like like it really like we are building more
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: prone to be skeptical. But at the same time, when
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: they're okay, again that the bar is so low, you
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: find them above the curve somehow, yep, and yeah.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: That's the level.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: So like there's just like battling mentality here, Like it
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: is embarrassing. So if they're okay, like they hit the
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: minimum standards, therefore they're great, But at the same time,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: it's still kind of embarrassing, Like.
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: There's this balance that seems to be off.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: And I have interestingly seen a lot of people I
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: guess maybe it's just my algorithm seeing many people write
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: or talk about the fact that the only types of
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: women who are in good heterosexual relationships are the ones
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: that women the women that woman actually hate all men,
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: most men, if not all men, except for that one person.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: And still found this one person, and this one person
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: understands why she hates all men and accepts the fact
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: that he has to prove, yeah, that he is not
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: one of those like type of conversation and being like okay,
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: And again.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: That is usually men who are being good humans. That's
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: the bar.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Now, just yea.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Treating you like a personal.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: Helping support you like equal and equity makes sense to them.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I've already hinted at it. But we have
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: this episode coming up about moms are not okay right now,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: and I just have been struck by how much of
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: our new entertainment is women just being like, you know what,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: I'd rather be alone? Yes, then your gaslighting of doing
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: the bare minimum yep, and telling me that I'm making
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: things difficult for you. And so yeah, I think finding
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: that that person is absolutely possible, but it's difficult.
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: It's difficult.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Again, Joseph talks about the fact that the culturals guist
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: has shifted, meaning where we once were fed that to
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: be happy and fulfilled is to be married with a
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: perfect family and living the American dream. H and now
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: that has been drowned out by the reality that having
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: the freedom of being single is the actual dream because again,
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: as studies have shown more recently, that are more likely
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: to be satisfied and live longer than married women because
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: married women are sacrificing so much. Married men are fine
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: because they've actually gotten a load off. Someone cooks dinner
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: for them, someone takes care of their washing, someone comes
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: in and takes care of the kids. As were for
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: married women, the work doubles, if not triples, if not quadruples,
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: because they now take on taking care of an entire family,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: usually under the American dream umbrella, without the help of
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: the father so or the husband or the man in
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: the house.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was kind of a big trick because
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: it was like, this is the American dream. You get
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: to stay home and do all of this stuff and
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I don't have to thank you or pay you or
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: do anything.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: And now you can't stay home, and now you can't.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Care to live home because it's too expensive to have
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: a kid. So in these traditional heterosexual relationships, women are
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: doing They're going to work and they're taking care of
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: the kid, and they're taking care of their husband and
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: the house.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Like, yep, that's not a dream.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: The deal is gone right out the window because we
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: don't want to just minimally live. You promised us the dream,
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: So you're buying as clothes you're buying us like trips
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: you're buying.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Where did that go? And now to go? That dream
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: does not exist.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Me and you are having to both work through the
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: max while I take care of these things the woman
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: and we barely still can afford a good dinner and
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: once a month date maybe because we have to pay
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: for a sinner.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: We have to.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: And I'm probably gonna plan all these things because you're
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: not going to.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Do that exactly, and.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: I'm tired to think about it too, but like you can't.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: We talked about this in a past episode. But also
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: leisure time. Men have a lot more leisure time than
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: women do. And if you're talking about like the minimal
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: for time, women have most of it. Even so, and
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: these are old studies I'm thinking of, are spent thinking
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: about your kids, yep, like you're still our groceries or
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: like you're still worried about this. And by the way,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: this actually came up in a study on sexual health
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: because women were saying they didn't enjoy they couldn't enjoy
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: sex because all they were doing was thinking about everything
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: they had to do.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: So that's I.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Mean, even in your free time end quotes, so you're not.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: It's not free. You're thinking about all this other stuff
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: you have to do.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: So back to Joseph's article, she writes, from my conversations,
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: one thing is certain. The script is shifting. Being partnered
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: doesn't affirm your womanhood anymore. It is no longer considered
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: an achievement, and if anything, it's become more of a
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: flex to pronounce yourself single. As straight women were confronting
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: something that every other sexuality has had to contend with,
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: a politicization of our identity. Heterosexuality has long been purposefully indefinable,
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: so it is harder for those within it and outside
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: of it to critique. However, as our traditional roles begin
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: to crumble, maybe we're being forced to reevaluate our blind
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: allegiance to heterosexuality. That sentence, Yeah, I giggled at that sentence.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: It's powerful to me. Yeah, it is this level of
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: like that as being the standard?
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Is it?
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: Yes, it's not.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: No, And I, like I mentioned, this has been kind
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: of interesting for me as an ace person hearing this
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: play out where I'm like, I went from I must
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: be a sad cat lady to look at the life. Well,
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: we did have a lot to say about this, as
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: we knew we would.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I was pretty I was pretty certain.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: We are going to slit this one into two Monday
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: Minnis if you will so look out for part two.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: But in the meantime, if you would like to contact
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: us if you have any thoughts about this, We've heard
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: some interesting things from listeners about the conservative men lying
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: on dating apps, so please write and you can email
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: us at Hello at Stuffnever Told You dot com. You
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: can find us on Blue Sky at all Stuff podcast,
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I Never Told
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: You for us on YouTube. We have some new merchandise
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: at Compuro and we have a book you can get
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: wherever you get your books. Thanks as always to our
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: super producer Chris team you're executive preus and mya and.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Your contributor Joey.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff Never
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Told You Much in My Heart Radio. For more podcast
• 23:38
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• 23:40
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