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Who Are You Without Your Labels · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show.
• 0:03
  Where healing gets real, life gets messy, and we are remembering who the hell we are.
• 0:10
  I am Julie Wynn, your spiritual hype girl, and this is your space to come back to yourself.
• 0:16
  I am sharing in real time what these awarenesses in my own healing, but what I wanna call now my remembering journey, not my healing journey, my remembering journey.
• 0:29
  And I want you to think about that too.
• 0:30
  I think sometimes we can get stuck in the healing and our brain then begins to track every day, what do I need to heal?
• 0:37
  What is wrong?
• 0:37
  What's the awareness?
• 0:38
  What, what do I need to journal about?
• 0:41
  And we can get stuck in healing and not living.
• 0:45
  Remembering allows you and offers you the life force energy to live, to live the expanded soul version of yourself.
• 0:56
  For you to remember how unique you are, and I love always saying this, that I want you to take a second and think about.
• 1:06
  There will never be you ever again.
• 1:08
  Ever.
• 1:08
  You are a one of a kind.
• 1:11
  And sometimes we get lost in that.
• 1:13
  We get lost in that, and I think sometimes we also are seeking how can we see ourselves when we are one of one?
• 1:24
  Do we.
• 1:25
  Also desire to maybe not be so alone.
• 1:29
  That's why we're seeking our twin flames or our lovers, or we're always searching.
• 1:35
  But if we search long enough and we heal or remember, you know, we get to come back to the power of who we are and fucking revel in that.
• 1:46
  Your journey, your story, your experiences, how you feel the world is so unique, One of a kind, you are a little spark of infinite possibilities.
• 2:03
  Now, with that being said, I wanna talk about roles that we play.
• 2:09
  That's where I am, is really understanding how much of my own life I've been clinging to these roles.
• 2:17
  And how at some point we can stop playing this role and start believing in who we are.
• 2:27
  And I think it's important to slow down here for a second because when I say roles, I don't just mean your job.
• 2:33
  I mean all the ways you've learned to identify yourself.
• 2:38
  The healer, the strong one, the creator of the family, the caretaker, the mother, the people pleaser, the one who holds it all together, the spacey one, the entrepreneur, the mom, all of it.
• 2:58
  All of the ways that you answer the question, who am I?
• 3:03
  Here's the thing.
• 3:04
  Roles aren't bad.
• 3:06
  They serve us, they shape us.
• 3:08
  They give us direction.
• 3:09
  In a certain season of our life, they kind of help point back and give us a, a formation for how we can grow in our life.
• 3:20
  But seasons change and sometimes we don't and we don't know how to loosen the grip.
• 3:29
  Of an outdated role.
• 3:32
  Sometimes we keep holding onto a role long after it's actually aligned for us.
• 3:39
  I'm thinking about this'cause I have a lot of friends who.
• 3:42
  Have kids who are graduating and they're gonna be empty nesters soon.
• 3:47
  And that makes me think about,'cause I only have one child, you know what my life is gonna be like when I'm not playing that role anymore and I'm working on it now.
• 3:56
  But it, it's these conversations of, you know, these roles.
• 4:00
  For a long time I thought I was the healer of my family, or the role was I was, you know, the weak one, or I was the unstable one, or I was a teacher.
• 4:11
  My role was a teacher, my role was a creator, or my role was a healer and it helped me to have meaning and a sense of self.
• 4:21
  This is where it gets really real because when a role starts to fall away or it shifts, or it's just not needed anymore.
• 4:30
  It doesn't just feel like change.
• 4:31
  It can feel like you're losing so much of yourself.
• 4:35
  So instead of letting it go, we grip it tighter and we try to recreate it.
• 4:42
  We try to get it back.
• 4:43
  We, we try to prove that we are still that person or we are still needed in that way.
• 4:51
  But what if you're not meant to be that version anymore?
• 4:57
  Eventually, if you have kids, our kids will leave the nest.
• 5:00
  So who are you then?
• 5:03
  And what if the discomfort you're feeling isn't something going wrong, but maybe there's an opportunity for something new to arrive This is the question that has been helping me in my own journey.
• 5:20
  I can see how I have so tightly gripped the need and the desire to reclaim an old role for myself and or to rebuild a new identity.
• 5:34
  I am, I am a podcaster.
• 5:37
  I am an intuitive channel.
• 5:38
  I am a, I am.
• 5:40
  I'm getting lost in the those I am.
• 5:43
  Who am I now today?
• 5:46
  Who am I now?
• 5:48
  Not, which is hard for me, not who I was at my peak, or what I viewed as my peak, not who I was when my life made sense and I had a job to go to, and I had a really strong identity, not who I was when I had a clear answer.
• 6:06
  That has been so hard.
• 6:08
  And the hard question now is, and who am I now?
• 6:13
  And I can see this so clearly in my life that there was a time I had a very clear answer to that question.
• 6:19
  Again, I'm a dance teacher, I'm a studio owner.
• 6:22
  It was powerful.
• 6:24
  It, it was an identity.
• 6:25
  It was something that I was, and when that role went away, it felt like I went away.
• 6:32
  For a really long time.
• 6:34
  That's really what it felt like, that my entire light went away.
• 6:38
  I had no purpose and I could not see a way forward in my life.
• 6:42
  It was devastating and so dark, and I was so depressed, and I was so riddled with anxiety.
• 6:50
  It was sad, honestly.
• 6:51
  Now that I'm saying it, I'm like, I feel like I wanna cry for that part of my life.
• 6:55
  It was horrible.
• 6:57
  Huh?
• 6:58
  I didn't just lose what I did, I lost who I thought I was, and for a long time after that, I wasn't just grieving.
• 7:09
  I was chasing, I was trying to get it back.
• 7:12
  I was trying to rebuild, I was trying to prove that I was still that version of me, that that part of my life actually, that I was going to become even better.
• 7:24
  And it was so hard to realize that I never was able to reclaim that version or that part of me ever.
• 7:31
  As much as I tried, as much as I worked, as much as I effort it, as much as I put my resume out and tried to get on conventions and be a big grand teacher, you know, in big places and reach the masses, I never was able to do that a fucking again.
• 7:47
  Fuck, fuck.
• 7:50
  That's all I have to say to that Part of my life is fuck.
• 7:54
  What I want now, which I think is the real gift, is to feel solid in who I am now, and that has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to walk through.
• 8:09
  I think.
• 8:10
  I mean, yes, I feel like it would've been easier.
• 8:14
  The old dream to just become bigger and better and you know, be what I wanted and desired, which was to be like a really influential teacher on a convention in the dance scene, and to really change and shift lives in a big way.
• 8:29
  I had to grieve that that never happened, and I have to settle into the acceptance of maybe that.
• 8:38
  Like something bigger is coming.
• 8:41
  It's just coming in a way that is not what, it's not the easy way.
• 8:46
  And if I strip all of that away, you know, the dreams and the desires and that, and I'm left with just myself.
• 8:59
  I can see that the opportunity here is I get to, I get to rebuild and create my path forward.
• 9:09
  I also wanna add that part of this.
• 9:13
  healing or remembering or dismantling or untangling process for me was even more so, like rattling because not only did I start my business at 21, I also was in a long-term narcissistic relationship.
• 9:37
  In the building of my adult life, without mentors, without a mother, without guidance, without family, without like somebody in my life to be a foundation for even being a moral compass or a support system in any way.
• 9:58
  This narcissistic relationship was also.
• 10:03
  Entangled in my, my growth in my development.
• 10:08
  And if you've ever been in a narcissistic relationship, you would know and relate to how it's like collateral damage for the rest of your life because they strip you from who you are, what they tell you, and how your nervous system begins to react to them.
• 10:31
  Strips you from your, your light, their voice becomes the loudest voice in your head for so long too.
• 10:43
  I was listening because the groove that the narcissist created in my body.
• 10:50
  Also became part of the groove and how I lived my life and how I oriented to my life and myself and relationships and what I was worthy of and who I was.
• 11:05
  And it took me a long time to actually realize, like even after the narcissistic relationship was done with their voice, still carried in my head.
• 11:17
  You are crazy.
• 11:18
  Nobody likes you.
• 11:20
  You don't have anybody.
• 11:21
  You don't have real friends.
• 11:23
  You're a loser.
• 11:24
  You are, you are living in not reality.
• 11:28
  Nobody wants the work that you do.
• 11:30
  You're not that good.
• 11:32
  You're living in your own reality that nobody else subscribes to.
• 11:37
  I could go on and on and on and on and on.
• 11:39
  The gaslighting, the, the twisting of stories, the crazy like way a narcissist can take what is true and turn it against you or use your vulnerability or use your love and turn it against you.
• 12:01
  It's fucking crazy.
• 12:03
  And so a lot of the work for me now, which I've moved through a lot of, it's not just healing the way I used to think about my life or myself.
• 12:15
  But it's untangling everything that wasn't really ever me in the first place so I can remember who I am.
• 12:24
  It's now choosing every single day to let my voice become louder than the one that was grooved in me, and that has taken a long time.
• 12:36
  It has taken a really, really long time to untangle myself energetically from the narcissistic relationship that I was with pretty much my entire life.
• 12:45
  And it's a requirement to notice where I have been living from old programming.
• 12:51
  And again, to ask this, who am I actually now?
• 12:56
  I can see I've been playing these roles in my family.
• 12:59
  The fixer, the healer, the one who carries the weight, or I am unloved, or I am the crazy one, or.
• 13:05
  I am too much or I'm emotionally unstable.
• 13:07
  These stories that my family has told me, fuck, that really does some, some damage to you.
• 13:13
  It really, really does.
• 13:14
  And I have a lot of friends and I hold a lot of empathy and I hold a lot of space for, for those who experience, you know.
• 13:21
  Family the way I have too of you, just you don't feel safe within your family or your family is the one that rattles your nervous system the most.
• 13:29
  That has been my experience and to orient to my family now in my life.
• 13:37
  To choose now where I want to put my energy without any guilt or shame, or the old role of people pleasing or fixing or needing to be the one who tries to keep the family together.
• 13:50
  I want to consciously choose to pour energy and my love and my time.
• 14:01
  Into people in places that are actually gonna pour back into me too, releasing the roles, not abandoning people, but releasing the responsibility to be something I no longer need to be, or.
• 14:19
  Releasing a role that I, it just isn't, I'm, you know, like if you're a mom and your kids are out of the house, a little part of that role is just not needed because they're in their adulthood now.
• 14:32
  So your roles are shifting, and when our roles shift, how can I bring that energy back to myself?
• 14:41
  What's the grip?
• 14:43
  What's the grip that's been keeping me from fully stepping into who I am today?
• 14:48
  So this phase I'm in now, it's not about becoming something bigger, which that is really hard to let go of because of course I wanna make a big impact.
• 14:57
  Of course, I wanna be able to say that I am somebody and people go, whoa, wow.
• 15:03
  Geez.
• 15:04
  Dot, dot, dot.
• 15:05
  Of course I want that, but I'm also seeing that there's something hard, which is probably why it's needed in the softening, in the releasing, in the creating space space for something new to come through space for true identity shift without me needing to define it right away.
• 15:31
  Space to trust that who I am now is enough.
• 15:36
  Fuck let me say that for myself.
• 15:41
  Exhales practice settling into that who I am now and who I am today is enough.
• 15:55
  And I don't need to have the perfect label for it yet.
• 15:59
  And maybe because the goal isn't to have a solid answer forever, maybe we have to identify and release the grip of roles so we can stay in a constant state of evolution.
• 16:18
  To stay in the becoming that is so scary.
• 16:20
  It is so easy to stay in the role.
• 16:22
  It is so easy to stay in this identity.
• 16:24
  It is so easy to stay in the naming of I Am A Oh.
• 16:30
  And it is kind of difficult to be in a state of becoming, becoming to let yourself change, to let yourself be soft, to let parts of your life be big.
• 16:45
  And let parts of your life be quiet and not to make any of it wrong, it's just shifts and constant soul experience.
• 16:59
  So if you're in a place right now where you feel lost or you feel major shifts happening in your life, or you feel undefined, or you.
• 17:10
  Don't have a clear answer for who you are and what you do and where you're going.
• 17:14
  I wanna offer you this.
• 17:16
  Maybe that's not a problem.
• 17:20
  Maybe that's the opening.
• 17:24
  where in your life are you still playing a role that doesn't actually fit anymore?
• 17:30
  And where are you still chasing a version of yourself that has already ended?
• 17:35
  and what would it look like to stop chasing.
• 17:39
  Start choosing, who are you now?
• 17:44
  What do you desire?
• 17:46
  Now?
• 17:47
  What is your life asking of you?
• 17:50
  Now, you're not broken.
• 17:54
  You're in a bloom.
• 17:55
  You're in a part of your own soul evolution.
• 17:59
  You're continuously creating your story.
• 18:03
  And this part, this is where you get to be intentional.
• 18:08
  This is where you let your voice, your truth, your actual self become louder than anything and louder than what anybody has ever told you you're supposed to be or who you are.
• 18:24
  You get to remember who you are.
• 18:28
  The voice of you, the truth of you, the desires of you gets to become louder and brighter.
• 18:36
  You don't need a title to be powerful.
• 18:39
  You don't need a role to be worthy.
• 18:42
  you don't need to go back to who you were to prove anything.
• 18:47
  You just need to decide who you are now and start living from there.
• 18:52
  And so I'm gonna leave you with those questions one more time.
• 18:55
  Who are you now that you have lived all of the experiences that you have lived?
• 19:03
  Who are you now?
• 19:04
  Who have you become right now?
• 19:07
  What do you desire now if you can see that you are consciously building your path forward?
• 19:14
  What do you desire and what is your life asking of you now?
• 19:21
  What are the feelings that you're really maybe resisting, settling into, you know, softness or ease or.
• 19:30
  Peace transitions.
• 19:34
  What is your life asking of you now?
• 19:37
  All right.
• 19:38
  Get out your journal.
• 19:39
  We have some work to do, don't we?
• 19:41
  I love you.
• 19:42
  You are more powerful than you.
• 19:43
  Allow yourself to believe you are, which is why I, Julie Win can be your spiritual hype girl.
• 19:50
  I believe in you.
• 19:51
  I honor you, and I'm excited to see.
• 19:55
  What comes in in your life once you decide to allow you your unique light, your unique blueprint, your unique experiences to be had, to be created, to be lived, continue to be a light, not only for your own life, but for others.
• 20:20
  Thanks for being here.
• 20:21
  See you next time.