Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E24 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Layers of an Onion-How Children Work Through Issues in Play Therapy

Transcript

S3E24 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Layers of an Onion-How Children Work Through Issues in Play Therapy · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

• 0:02
  You're listening to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
• 0:06
  with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
• 0:10
  Hi,
• 0:10
  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
• 0:11
  The Kid Counselor.
• 0:12
  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast
• 0:14
  where I give you insight,
• 0:15
  awareness,
• 0:16
  and enlightenment about your parenting
• 0:18
  and your relationship with your kids.
• 0:20
  In today's episode,
• 0:21
  we are continuing the Parent Companion series,
• 0:24
  and we're going to talk through the concept of layers of an onion.
• 0:28
  So this is a little bit of a follow up from
• 0:30
  last week's episode where we talked about waffles and spaghetti.
• 0:34
  So there was kind of a word picture or a metaphor for the
• 0:37
  way that adult brains work in therapy versus children's brains in therapy.
• 0:42
  And so I want to spend a little bit of time introducing the concept of the onion,
• 0:46
  so that you can understand a little bit in more detail.
• 0:51
  How children are going to work through their individual things.
• 0:53
  So we likened it to cooked spaghetti.
• 0:55
  That's a really helpful word picture.
• 0:58
  But I think another component
• 1:00
  is to talk about layers of an onion.
• 1:03
  So if you think about the nature of an onion,
• 1:06
  you cut an onion in half,
• 1:07
  and you can see all of the layers.
• 1:11
  And they're all part of
• 1:13
  the whole,
• 1:14
  but they are their own distinct piece.
• 1:17
  That's exactly
• 1:18
  the way you can think about children working
• 1:20
  through their issues in child-centered play therapy.
• 1:24
  So you can't take one in isolation.
• 1:28
  So if you cut an onion in half
• 1:30
  and you take out half of the layers and then just pull one
• 1:33
  layer out and then put the rest of the layers back in.
• 1:37
  There's something missing
• 1:40
  You have one layer sitting out to the side and then you have
• 1:43
  the rest of the layers,
• 1:44
  but they don't fit together anymore because one has been removed.
• 1:47
  That's a very similar concept for child-centered play therapy.
• 1:51
  Every single issue that your child is going to face and needs to work through
• 1:56
  is its own distinct and separate component.
• 1:59
  So
• 2:00
  do we see anxiety
• 2:01
  as its own issue?
• 2:03
  Yes.
• 2:03
  Do we see power and control as its own distinct and separate issue?
• 2:07
  Yes.
• 2:08
  And whatever the child's going to address,
• 2:10
  we would
• 2:11
  identify that as its own distinct and separate thing.
• 2:15
  Yet,
• 2:15
  it can't be seen in isolation.
• 2:18
  Because
• 2:19
  it is part of the greater whole.
• 2:22
  And when we think about that concept,
• 2:24
  it really helps understand.
• 2:27
  How all of these work together.
• 2:29
  So just like I talked about,
• 2:30
  you pull one spaghetti noodle,
• 2:32
  and it kind of brings with it this tangle of other spaghetti noodles.
• 2:35
  Well,
• 2:36
  similarly,
• 2:37
  if you think about the layers of an onion,
• 2:39
  they nestle into each other,
• 2:41
  and one is touching two other ones.
• 2:45
  But they're all part of the whole.
• 2:47
  So when we think about child growth,
• 2:50
  child progress,
• 2:51
  child healing
• 2:53
  as part of child-centered play therapy.
• 2:56
  The beauty of it is
• 2:58
  that everything is touching and influencing everything else.
• 3:01
  It's part of the well-being of the child in general,
• 3:05
  but
• 3:06
  you can see
• 3:07
  each individual layer.
• 3:09
  So how this all works together is child comes into the playroom,
• 3:14
  they're going to naturally in their own way and time,
• 3:17
  start working through
• 3:19
  their individual layers.
• 3:21
  So child's going to build self-esteem
• 3:23
  and child's going to reduce anxiety.
• 3:26
  And child's going to become more regulated.
• 3:28
  Child's going to need less power and control.
• 3:31
  Child is going to do some fear facing play,
• 3:34
  so on.
• 3:36
  So whatever that individual child brings in.
• 3:39
  Those are layers that you can see
• 3:42
  of the onion,
• 3:43
  part of the whole well-being of the child.
• 3:46
  Then you also have to keep in mind we have the four universal outcomes
• 3:50
  at play.
• 3:51
  So we have distinct and separate issues for the child,
• 3:54
  but then we have the four universal outcomes that are also going to make their way in.
• 3:58
  So there's 4 more layers of the onion
• 4:01
  that are all impacting the other ones,
• 4:03
  all nestling together,
• 4:05
  part of the healing of the whole child.
• 4:07
  So we have increased worldview,
• 4:09
  increased self-esteem.
• 4:11
  Increased regulation,
• 4:12
  increased emotional vocabulary.
• 4:15
  Four distinct and separate issues
• 4:17
  all nestled together impacting everything else.
• 4:20
  And so similarly,
• 4:22
  we talked about last week as the child increases self-confidence,
• 4:25
  they naturally engage in more self-enhancing ways,
• 4:28
  which makes them more regulated.
• 4:29
  As they're more regulated,
• 4:31
  they need less power and control.
• 4:32
  As they need less power and control,
• 4:33
  their anxiety reduces,
• 4:34
  and you can see how that works.
• 4:36
  Well,
• 4:37
  now you can think about it in terms of
• 4:39
  the layers nestled together.
• 4:41
  Because
• 4:42
  if you think about Venn diagrams,
• 4:43
  I really love Venn diagrams.
• 4:45
  As a related aside,
• 4:46
  I think they are so helpful.
• 4:49
  I love them.
• 4:49
  I,
• 4:50
  I will often draw things in concepts of Venn diagrams
• 4:53
  because I love the little overlapping pieces where you're like,
• 4:55
  oh,
• 4:55
  look at that,
• 4:56
  those two come together so nicely.
• 4:58
  I know,
• 4:58
  my strange brain,
• 4:59
  it's fine.
• 5:00
  So,
• 5:00
  when you have the concept of a Venn diagram,
• 5:03
  think about how
• 5:05
  The the circle on the left
• 5:07
  is the circle on the left,
• 5:07
  and the circle on the right is the circle on the right,
• 5:09
  but then there's that tiny little ellipse in the middle where there's overlap.
• 5:14
  Similarly,
• 5:15
  the layers of an onion,
• 5:17
  let's say you're.
• 5:19
  In the very first center layer of the onion,
• 5:21
  it's only touching layer 2,
• 5:24
  but layer 2
• 5:25
  is touching layer 1 and layer 3.
• 5:28
  And layer 3 is touching layer 2 and layer 4.
• 5:32
  And so there's this kind of like blending where they
• 5:34
  come together and they're nestled up against each other.
• 5:37
  And it impacts
• 5:39
  more than just the one issue.
• 5:42
  And I think it's such a helpful concept for us to keep in mind because
• 5:46
  adulthood bias gets in the way,
• 5:48
  y'all.
• 5:49
  We are adults and we forget what it's like to be a child.
• 5:51
  We forget what it's like to be experiential.
• 5:54
  We forget what it's like to be emotional.
• 5:56
  We can't reason our way through things.
• 5:58
  We can't think our way through things.
• 5:59
  We can't
• 6:01
  try to figure out through abstract reasoning what's going on if you're under 12.
• 6:06
  So
• 6:07
  kids are going to be in the midst of all this,
• 6:11
  not cognitively aware of anything.
• 6:14
  But experientially and emotionally,
• 6:16
  all of this stuff is just subconsciously weaving itself together.
• 6:20
  And all along the way,
• 6:22
  the therapeutic journey is guiding children
• 6:24
  to become better versions of themselves.
• 6:27
  That's
• 6:28
  self-actualization.
• 6:29
  That's the fancy word for it.
• 6:31
  So as kids become
• 6:32
  better versions of themselves,
• 6:34
  it's because all of these layers of the onion.
• 6:37
  Are their own distinct and separate work,
• 6:40
  but it's part of the greater whole,
• 6:41
  and it cannot be seen in isolation.
• 6:44
  It cannot be seen wholly distinctly and separately from everything else,
• 6:48
  because it is its own thing,
• 6:50
  but it's also part of so many other things.
• 6:54
  So to me,
• 6:54
  that's one of the most beautiful components
• 6:56
  of
• 6:57
  how kids will heal and grow
• 6:59
  in play sessions.
• 7:01
  All of these things just kind of meld together
• 7:03
  in this really happy little Venn diagram of sorts
• 7:07
  in layers of an onion.
• 7:08
  So I hope that that gives you a little bit of insight into what's going on,
• 7:12
  especially with last week with the waffles and the spaghetti analogy.
• 7:16
  With these two,
• 7:17
  usually that really helps parents understand
• 7:20
  at a greater depth
• 7:21
  how this works and how a child coming in and playing
• 7:26
  allows all of this to unfold.
• 7:28
  In the next 7 or so episodes,
• 7:30
  we're continuing with
• 7:32
  the Parent Companion series.
• 7:34
  We're actually going to look at 7 of the most common behaviors.
• 7:39
  And what the needs are,
• 7:41
  what the behaviors look like,
• 7:43
  how
• 7:44
  it's addressed in therapy,
• 7:45
  what you can be doing at home.
• 7:47
  So we're going to look at the top 7 most common childhood behaviors
• 7:51
  that we deal with in child-centered play therapy.
• 7:54
  And so if you have been struggling,
• 7:56
  if your child has been struggling,
• 7:57
  these next 7 episodes will hopefully be really helpful to you.
• 8:01
  So that's where we're going to transition for these next 7 episodes,
• 8:05
  and
• 8:06
  this series is going to be pretty extensive and long.
• 8:08
  So,
• 8:09
  lots more to come,
• 8:10
  but I definitely want to highlight the most common 7 behaviors
• 8:13
  so that you can feel a little bit more equipped
• 8:16
  with specificity in your child's struggles.
• 8:19
  I love y'all.
• 8:20
  Happy first week of 2026.
• 8:22
  I hope that you all have an exciting start.
• 8:24
  I hope that you're looking forward to this new year,
• 8:27
  and we will talk again soon.
• 8:28
  Bye.
• 8:29
  Thank you for listening to
• 8:31
  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
• 8:35
  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
• 8:38
  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.