Latest / Mommywood / Alisha Gaddis: What Happens After You “Make It”?

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Alisha Gaddis: What Happens After You “Make It”? · Mommywood

0:02
Welcome to Mommy Would, the podcast where motherhood meets
0:06
Hollywood. Real moms, real talk, no
0:09
scripts. I'm your host, Emily Bolt, and
0:12
we are talking about the messy, funny and unfiltered side of
0:16
being a mom in the entertainment industry.
0:19
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1:55
Welcome to another episode of Mommy Wood.
1:57
I'm your host Emily Bolt, and today's guest has quite
2:00
literally done everything in this industry.
2:03
She's been in front of the camera, behind the camera, in
2:05
the writers room, in the recording studio, on tour, the
2:08
list goes on and on. But I'm talking to writer,
2:12
producer, actress, author and Latin Grammy winning artist
2:15
Alicia Gaddis. What makes Alicia's story so
2:20
powerful isn't just that she's done everything and won multiple
2:26
awards. It's that she's built a career
2:30
that spans acting, writing, producing, music publishing, and
2:34
motherhood, all without shrinking any part of herself.
2:38
In this episode, we talk about what it really takes to stay in
2:43
this industry long enough to evolve.
2:46
What changes when you stop waiting for permission and start
2:50
creating your own lane? We talk about what it's like to
2:54
work with your spouse creatively.
2:58
Don't we all love that? And we also talk about how
3:01
motherhood didn't end her ambition.
3:04
It helped to clarify it. If you've ever wondered whether
3:09
you're allowed to reinvent yourself, whether you're allowed
3:12
to want awards and family, whether you can build something
3:18
sustainable instead of just chasing the next audition, this
3:22
conversation will light you up. I know it lit me up.
3:26
It was such a pleasure to talk with Alicia.
3:31
So let's get into it. I know you're going to enjoy
3:35
this episode of Mommy would with Alicia Caddis.
3:40
Hey, Alicia, thank you for. Being here, we were just
3:44
chatting about how cool we are. So cool, even though our
3:48
children will never know. So cool.
3:51
Speaking of, what is your daughter's name and.
3:55
Age. My daughter's name is Indiana
3:59
Indiana Maven and she's 10. And you just mentioned that you
4:06
just started homeschooling. So obviously now I have to ask
4:10
what, what was the precipice for that?
4:13
I mean I definitely see pros, pros and and cons, but how?
4:18
What made you decide to do? Homeschooling.
4:21
Yeah, Well, well, it's. Very fresh and I'm very in it,
4:24
so I haven't talked about it at all like.
4:27
Some people don't even know we're doing it, but my daughter
4:33
is on the spectrum. She's autistic and she has ADHD
4:37
and she's dyslexic and she's a creative powerhouse artist.
4:45
Sensitive empath and both of those things are true.
4:49
And school was great, like I loved her.
4:52
She was in. We had her in a Montessori
4:54
school for. When she was really small and
4:56
then a traditional school, which was horrible, and then we had it
5:00
her in a Waldorf school, El Rio, which we loved.
5:03
And it worked for her until it didn't work for her and she just
5:07
needs to pause on traditional schooling to be the best version
5:12
of herself like to regulate. And it was it's not any.
5:17
My parents are both were both public school teachers.
5:21
And so I was raised in like a very traditional, like
5:24
traditional, you know, Northern American public school
5:29
upbringing. So this was never part of the
5:33
plan. But via her in this journey of
5:37
getting her like her autism diagnosis in the past year, we
5:42
have gotten also we're starting to get services from the
5:46
regional center, which will be like respite care and
5:51
occupational therapy. Like all these services are
5:53
coming in that are going to support and we're going to have
5:56
a tutor who's a proper teacher. Her name is Sarah Bachelier and
6:01
she's phenomenal. And she's going to be coming in
6:04
to teach like the major subjects.
6:07
And so I'm kind of like adminning versus taking it all
6:11
on myself because I'm a a working mom, creative, like have
6:16
a business. And so I wasn't sure how to
6:22
navigate all of this, but I feel in this season of my life, it is
6:27
what is like the most important thing that I protect her magic,
6:33
her spirit, her. She's so curious and loves to
6:37
learn and. Every day I was sending her to.
6:39
School. I saw that spark dying and it
6:43
was like really we just kept and no matter the accommodations at
6:47
school because they really tried everything and IEP at this and
6:50
we toured other small schools and toured micro.
6:54
Schools and and it just wasn't the right answer and so it was
6:58
so I'm like the most Virgo of Virgos a research person and so
7:04
I like. We we looked at every option I
7:07
feel, and then when things started clicking, I felt like
7:12
the universe was just like, here's the support you need.
7:17
Here's the time of your life that things I'm in my life are
7:21
shifting and I can do this and I want to do this.
7:24
My husband and I want to do this and I say me because I'm
7:27
spearheading it, but my husband's definitely like
7:30
totally supportive helping, you know, so that it's a big, it's a
7:33
big, but today is literally the pre.
7:34
I'm calling it the pre week because her teacher doesn't
7:39
start two days a week till next week.
7:41
She's just one day a week. But so it was like we named
7:45
things, you know, Magic morning, and then we had form drawing and
7:50
yoga and then it was writing. And now it's like her break
7:54
where she's studying the dogs and anatomy and then she read
7:58
animal books. So it's going great.
8:01
But it's. We'll see.
8:02
It's day one. Yeah.
8:05
Quite the Monday for you. It's like a band.
8:09
Then I was like, oh, I'm going to come and do a podcast and oh,
8:11
I have this like, and then I have a client later today.
8:14
And so we'll see. But this is like this is this is
8:20
the answer right now. I know it, I can feel it.
8:25
So that's why that's why it's like it's it's.
8:29
Yeah, I just, I just. Feel that you know, I have I'm
8:33
very I know it's a giant blessing to have the resources
8:37
to get to do this and the time my life will be shifting, but.
8:42
Yeah, like I said it it just. Became a priority to regulate
8:46
her and keep her curiosity thriving versus like dying off.
8:52
So it's, it was not a thing I ever was like I'm at home
8:55
school, my children and no, no offense, that just wasn't my
8:57
journey. So it's very shocking to people,
9:00
but when they, when they really understand it, like my friends
9:03
and my family, they're like, of course, of course this is what
9:06
it's going to be, you know? Well, that's like there's so
9:10
many things there because of course, like as creatives are
9:13
self, it's probably somewhat easier maybe for you than
9:20
another parent to like see that in your own kid and be able to
9:25
recognize the like her creativity in that part Like so
9:31
that's kind of a a blessing in disguise.
9:33
But then like you said, it's hard.
9:35
There are so many things with parenting that like it's hard to
9:38
get out of the like what we expected versus like what's
9:42
actually best for our kids. And I feel like the same thing
9:45
happens like as as creatives in our career where it's like, oh,
9:50
what we expected our careers to be like and what they are now.
9:56
But Speaking of, can you talk about obviously you just said
10:00
that you have a client today. So can you talk about like what
10:04
you're, what, what you're doing for your client and like what,
10:10
what your career looks like at the moment?
10:13
Sure. So my background is, you know,
10:16
I've, I've been a actress and a musician and a performer and an
10:21
art. Author like I've published.
10:24
Over 10 books with different publishers.
10:27
And we've won my my husband and I had a television show for
10:31
children on PBS. And this is all relevant to what
10:34
I'm doing now and that we've created.
10:37
And then we've won multiple Grammys, multiple Latin Grammys.
10:41
I've won multiple Emmys. Done like literally, if you're
10:46
like, have you done this in this, the career path?
10:48
Yes, I've sold television shows that I've written.
10:50
I've written movies, like anything Literally.
10:54
I've like done the thing and during COVID, before, before
11:00
COVID, I was like. This is going to sound weird,
11:05
but it just is what it is. In, in Asia, our band was like
11:09
the like, crazier than the Wiggles.
11:12
Like we would go to Asia and there'd be like billboards of
11:15
our faces and people dressed up like me.
11:18
And then I could come home and be like, nobody cared.
11:20
It was kind of magical. So we were, Yeah, it was.
11:25
And in my daughter, who my, my daughter's mixed.
11:28
My husband's Mexican. I am a white lady.
11:31
And but she would say, oh, I'm I'm half Mexican, I'm half white
11:35
and I'm half Chinese because literally we were in China so
11:39
much. She literally thought she was
11:40
Chinese. Like it was amazing.
11:42
It was a we had a place in Shanghai.
11:45
It was great, but when that touring stopped because we
11:50
couldn't go back to China, we literally came back from China
11:54
after like we'd been on tour in China for three years.
11:58
So we were came back and it was like COVID and so it was really
12:03
difficult to have a band in COVID and really difficult to do
12:07
anything created. As we all know, and at the time
12:09
my friend Rebecca said Alicia, people are, when I'm with you,
12:13
people are. People are constantly like, how
12:15
did you publish a book? How did you get an agent?
12:18
How are you on this commercial? How did you go do this?
12:21
And I would tell them she's like, you need to be coaching
12:24
people. And a long time ago I became, I
12:27
was like had my life coach certification because as I said,
12:30
I like go, as we were talking, I like get obsessive about just
12:34
learning. And then I became both Harvard
12:37
and Yale certified in happiness, joy and like goal settings.
12:44
And so I did like all this certification while I was
12:47
started, coach people very quietly and then cut to now it's
12:52
like, you know, going into Year 5 1/2 or whatever, 5-6 to that
12:57
2026 and I've. Been able to literally like.
13:02
Coach in this big level. And be like a keynote speaker.
13:05
And run workshops and I have a lot of private clients where I
13:09
get to like they come in and they either like earn midlife
13:12
pivots or they have a specific project and they don't know how
13:16
to get like to follow through. Like they'll come in and be
13:19
like, I want to write an album and I'm like, great, I will get
13:22
you to write it, help you get all the steps to produce it.
13:26
Have a event or a podcast, whatever it is like I've done
13:30
all the things so it's I can. Speak from that, yeah.
13:35
And so I, I kind of launched this the globe, the umbrella
13:38
that's called Joy Mogul. And so Joy Mogul kind of
13:42
encompasses my speaking and workshops and coaching while I'm
13:47
still being creative, like still acting, still do it because I
13:51
think I, there's great coaches out there who just coach.
13:55
But for me, I like, like to walk the walk and talk the talk.
14:00
Like I, I am like, I think it's really important.
14:03
Like if you don't know the nitty gritty of the nuts and bolts of
14:07
the industry, I don't think you can give the same advice.
14:10
Like I don't think that you can if you don't know what's.
14:14
And, and so I feel very fortunate.
14:15
So that's what my clients are and that's what I do.
14:18
And, and, and that's kind of the I get I'm at a point where I
14:21
can, you know, be, do it, do it and, and really feel a
14:27
meaningful deep connection with people over a period of time.
14:31
It's really exciting. Yeah.
14:33
That's I love that 'cause you could just be like I am.
14:39
I, I have Yale and Harvard experience and joy.
14:43
Like that's amazing. I just, I just love like I'm not
14:46
phrasing it well, but like I love that that's just like a
14:51
phrase that. You can use I it's.
14:53
It's so random. Right, I like.
14:54
Went to Harvard and Yale to study like happiness and joy and
14:59
did these like programs and then like you get like certified from
15:03
Harvard and they're like here you go.
15:05
And then I do like write papers and get.
15:07
I know you're just like, I mean, I know and I studied, I went to
15:11
NYU for drama and political science.
15:14
And so I love that. And then I was like, and then
15:16
actually this is I'm starting my MBA in May.
15:21
So I'm starting my MBA because I can't stop Emily.
15:24
Like I love learning. I love learning and I find that
15:29
the more I give to people, the more I want to know.
15:34
Like I've just, I've always been that person who's like obsessed
15:37
with self help books and like the artist way and like taking
15:40
classes. Like, I mean, I just love
15:43
because I'm, I create so much that I have to have like intake
15:47
and I really love self-awareness too.
15:49
Like it's like a little bunch, but I know I'm, I'm it's a lot.
15:52
It's a lot. But I'm starting my MBA program.
15:54
My husband was like, are you you're literally starting home
15:57
school? And I was like, well.
15:59
The MBA starts in two months. I've got time.
16:02
Like I'll be, I'll be great by that.
16:04
Well, and then that's why, well you'll both be like, you can
16:08
homeschool. That's my plan, right.
16:10
Thank you. Yeah, we're.
16:11
Going to be like in school while she's like doing stuff.
16:13
I'm going to be like, what's? I don't even know.
16:15
I really. Don't even know what anybody
16:17
entails. I like, I do, but I read the
16:19
course curriculum. I like the statistics.
16:21
I don't know. But that's like, you know those
16:23
tests you take where it's like what part of your brain is
16:26
created and what's analytical? Mine's exactly 5050.
16:31
My husband is like not he's just like more, more artistic and
16:35
then he like has a logistic Capricorn brain.
16:38
But mine's like, I don't know what is yours.
16:43
Well, I'm a triple Gemini. Oh.
16:46
My God, what does that even? Mean.
16:49
So all my, I don't know much about the astrological, but that
16:57
my all the, the sun and the moon and the rising and the, they're
17:02
all, they were all Gemini and that and my mother-in-law is
17:10
also a triple Gemini. So I don't know what that says
17:13
about my husband, but. I know what.
17:15
Repair what? What?
17:16
Experience is he like either repairing from?
17:18
Or like, or like propelling forward.
17:21
Like he either loves his mom so much or he's like, oh.
17:23
We got to repair. I don't know.
17:24
I don't know. Exactly.
17:26
And our daughter's a Gemini too, so I'm like, oh.
17:30
Way, Yeah. My mom's a Gemini, one of my
17:34
sister's. I hardly know any Gemini.
17:38
At all. Like at all now I do.
17:41
I'm into my family. I'm coming over.
17:43
All just in my family. Oh.
17:45
My God, that's. Amazing Oh my goodness.
17:50
Well, yes, so well, I'm so excited for you for this that
17:55
you're on. But I I love that you're saying
17:59
that you're still creating yourself because yes, there are
18:02
a lot of coaches that like are just coaching and like I came
18:09
from, you know, a school in Missouri where like my acting
18:13
teachers were great actors and great teachers, but like no
18:18
business side of it and it's like the industry is always
18:21
changing. So to be able to like know what
18:26
not just know what's going on, but to be like in it is great.
18:31
So it is, it's nice that like, like you said, you're self aware
18:35
and like you, you know that as well going back to like when you
18:39
were younger or more just like starting out, like you said,
18:46
you've had so many you've literally done at all.
18:49
What do you, what did you think your career would look like when
18:54
you were younger? Was there like I'm going to be
18:59
an actor or like or had you? Have you always had so many?
19:04
That's a good question. I've always had so many
19:07
passions, but when I chose acting, I had never seen a play.
19:14
I had never seen a play. I grew up in a small town in the
19:19
border of Kentucky in, in Indiana, which is why my
19:22
daughter's name's Indiana. And the truth is I had no idea.
19:29
I just loved how I felt when I was acting.
19:35
You know, I felt like my true self.
19:40
And I think so much of me and still like repairing that part
19:45
of me like wanting to be seen and needing to be like seen and
19:49
validated growing up and being like different and a traditional
19:54
family, which I've always been like competitive.
19:59
But I felt acting like, you know, to me is not competitive.
20:03
You don't get to choose if you get the wrong, you know, like
20:06
people. That's a that's a misnomer that
20:08
people think it's like a competitive field.
20:10
It's like. Really, you know, control it to
20:13
a certain point. So when I went to when I went to
20:17
college, I mean, I always was like the kid, you know, like,
20:21
I'm sure a lot of us were like performing shows and they're and
20:24
they're whatever. But I think, I think when I
20:28
went, I always said, which was probably I now realize it's kind
20:32
of a mistake that I was like, I don't need to be famous.
20:35
I don't want to be famous. I just want to work.
20:38
So I did a lot of weird avant-garde off off Broadway,
20:43
off Broadway, moved to Australia, did a avant-garde
20:47
movement piece at the Sydney Opera House, started my own
20:51
production company like I wanted.
20:53
I was just like so interested in like the gritty, interesting
20:58
expression of who I am and who what art can be and how it can
21:04
affect people. And so I never was like, I want
21:09
to be on TV. I want to make X amount of
21:12
money. I want to go to this place.
21:15
And so it was, it was a it was, it's been a, an interesting
21:22
career path because I think I've been very, I hope I've been very
21:28
true to like who I am for good or bad.
21:32
But I look back and there's moments where I'm like, oh, if I
21:35
would have like actually been a person who networked or like put
21:40
did these certain things, I probably would have been in a
21:42
different position. But I still have had these.
21:45
Amazing, this amazing career trajectory that I didn't
21:50
necessarily seek out like being like a children's television
21:54
thing for a while, but that just is what came out of it.
21:58
And I think I like for me, if I'm making art, if I'm creating,
22:05
then it's always something. If I I get bored very fast, I
22:08
get, I mean, I get, which is probably why I've done
22:10
everything. It's because if I I set a goal
22:12
and I accomplish it versus like staying in that lane, I like
22:15
move on, which is a problem. Like it's a problem.
22:18
That's also been the solution because I can coach people about
22:20
everything and I like look at my thing and I'm like, Oh, look at
22:24
all of this. You know, I like toured as a
22:26
stand up her and was a stand up comedian.
22:28
I did done all the every improv thing and all that, like every
22:32
Ave. I'm like, OK, let's do this and
22:34
this and this versus like a person is just like, I want to
22:36
be a pop star, you know. So it's been an it's been a
22:42
exciting career. Path and I also.
22:45
Wanted to like be in the world, like just learn about people and
22:49
study things and then be reflect them back as well.
22:53
So I don't know if that answers the question, but it's been
22:56
like, I don't think I've had a focus in terms of like what
23:01
success meant slash career path meant to me.
23:07
Yeah, initially. Well, well, that's it's, it's
23:11
just a lot about you though, that you know, 'cause you can be
23:17
interested in so many things and like try different things, but
23:20
the fact that you, you have seen them through and have had so
23:26
much success in the things that you've done as well.
23:31
So it's not like, you know, I feel like so many times when
23:38
people are like, I'm going to try this and try this and try
23:40
this. It's like little bits and
23:44
pieces. But you like that definitely
23:46
says something about you that like you've had you've had this
23:53
success in all that in all these different areas as well.
23:56
It's not just like, oh, I've tried bits and pieces like
24:01
you've actually done well in so many different paths.
24:08
Is there is there one that like now looking back, either like
24:16
because of the a motto success or just because of the joy it
24:21
brought you? Has there been like a favorite
24:24
thing that you've both sides becoming a?
24:28
Man, Oh, that's really hard too. I think.
24:34
Like, I love being in the band. I love touring with my husband.
24:41
We've had multiple television shows we've created.
24:44
And then like, like we did a show for ABC Family and
24:48
Discovery and HGTV that went to like pilots, refilmed the
24:53
pilots. And then for some reason it was
24:55
like David Dazzle came in and discovered.
24:58
It was like, you know, we just they didn't get to go and be on
25:00
air and I had they were all like kind of travel based with
25:04
owning. There were all these like we
25:06
always have ideas. So I had some.
25:10
I have so much joy. Doing things in Group like so.
25:16
I had so much fun doing the television show with all our
25:19
friends, touring with my husband, with my family, doing
25:23
television shows with him. Like that's a theme like I love,
25:27
I'm very grateful. I love my husband.
25:29
And we're not creatively the same at all, but we do when the
25:34
when we hit things, it's kind of magic, like when we come up with
25:38
the same kind of ideas. And now I like edit all his
25:40
books like before he's writing books, I like edit them and help
25:43
him with his pitches. And so we work a lot together.
25:46
But, but that's, so I, that's brought me a lot of joy.
25:50
If I look back, like early on, I had so much joy when I worked
25:54
with the packed theatre ensemble in Australia, because the
25:59
Australia is incredible in terms of, I mean, at the time, I can't
26:03
speak to now for arts funding. Like that's the show 1 of the
26:06
show that I did at the Opera House and we got paid to like a
26:11
like. To rehearse.
26:13
For several weeks, like that never happens.
26:16
Like they put us in the Bush and we like did these weird movement
26:19
pieces and it was just like so raw and fresh and learn with it.
26:26
Like I was obsessed with that kind of art.
26:29
And then just recently I got to do, I just was like, I haven't
26:33
done anything just for me in a while.
26:35
Like this was last year, last summer, so just the summer ago.
26:39
And I said to one of my best friends, Rebecca Johnson, who's
26:43
a talented actress, very successful and successful
26:47
director. I was like, I need to write
26:49
something. I form something.
26:50
And she's like, well, if you do it, you have to put it in the
26:53
French festival and I'll direct it.
26:55
That's a good friend. That's an incredible friend.
26:57
And I was like, because it was like in my body and I was like
26:59
probably being annoying because I kept talking about it.
27:01
And then so I did and we did it. And I also wanted to do
27:05
something from nut is it soup to nuts, nuts to.
27:08
Bolts. What's the saying?
27:09
Where you do it all or I? Just wanted to do all the things
27:14
as a woman crew like I, like everyone who worked with us
27:17
were. All women.
27:20
Yeah. And who came with the venue and
27:24
we did that. And it was so wonderful to, at
27:26
this stage in my life to to write a show totally just write
27:32
it, put it up, have it sell out for the whole run.
27:35
And feel and have people see me the way I wanted to be seen
27:40
again, because I hadn't been performing in that way.
27:42
It was like auditioning and being in the shows.
27:45
And you know, since because there's that time when you're to
27:48
me, there was a time where I was a mom, this mom.
27:50
And instead of like being wild and free and taking on these big
27:53
art projects because you have a kid.
27:56
And I was like, I have to make something that is my voice
28:00
because I used to do that with stand up.
28:01
Like I would get up to go every night and you got to talk about
28:04
it. And once I had a kid, I did not
28:07
want to leave the house that late.
28:08
Like, I just like, I can't do it.
28:10
Like I, I don't want to do it. It feels like a chore, which is
28:13
sad when you're like, art becomes a chore, you know, like
28:16
burning hot. Please hold.
28:17
I'm gonna open this door. OK, Yeah.
28:20
I had the. Air on.
28:22
I had the air on before you called.
28:24
It's like 80. I'm in my Airstream trailer and
28:26
it's literally a tin can and the air conditioner's too hot, so
28:30
I'm like, Oh my God, I'm like gonna start and like, is this
28:33
perimenopause or am I just in a tin can?
28:36
I'm. In and perimenopause.
28:38
Possibly. I don't know.
28:39
I don't know. It's about that time.
28:41
I don't know. I'm not.
28:41
I don't think I'm in perimenopause yet, but it could
28:44
be happening right now as we speak.
28:45
So, well, you don't look sweaty, so you look great.
28:48
I don't look on my face. It's just like.
28:49
Overall of well, yeah, so going back so you being obviously a
28:58
mom and so many things that you do are essentially self are self
29:07
motivated. How do you, God, how do you,
29:12
how, how, just how, just how do you do it?
29:16
How do you find that motivation? And has that shifted since since
29:23
your daughter's gotten older or is it something as you've gotten
29:27
older or just like all of those? Yeah, I think actually I still
29:37
when I was my daughter came home from the hospital, I was nursing
29:41
her on one side. There's like a picture like on a
29:45
pillow. And I'm nursing her and I have
29:47
my laptop because I had a deadline for my LGBTQ comedic
29:53
monologues that are actually funny book and I'm editing the
29:57
book and they were like, do you want a extension?
30:02
And I'm like, no, I can do this. Me now would have been like,
30:06
yeah, I want an extension. But I think at that early
30:10
motherhood stage, I was like trying to prove I could be a mom
30:14
and continue doing everything. Like I was saying no to help.
30:17
I was pitching books. Since then, I think I've since
30:20
that book, I've had three other three or four other books.
30:24
But before that I was putting out a book every year, basically
30:27
like pitching books, writing books, selling books, like
30:31
anthologies, like that's just a indicator.
30:35
That's a concrete example of how it shifted for me even like I
30:41
was like, OK, I'm going to get like my agent do a thing and
30:44
take my baby in with me to audition.
30:46
Can you watch my baby in the thing?
30:47
And I'm going to go do this and I'm going to go in Indiana.
30:50
The the first four years of her life, she was non on tour with
30:55
me. I have I would nurse her and
30:58
hand her to someone, go on stage, perform and come back and
31:03
and and to have her like there's pictures of her in every green
31:07
room. She would be at Lollapalooza,
31:09
Austin city limits with like headphones on where I'd be like,
31:12
can you watch my bait? Like with a nanny we'd get and
31:15
when she before she was three years old, we were on tour all
31:19
the time. And I think we there's like an
31:21
app urban sitter. And because she wasn't like in a
31:25
hotel room, I had the sitter come to the show so I could
31:29
like. See her like I could always see
31:30
her in the. Audience, I'd be like she's
31:32
watching the show. She's seen probably 1000 shows
31:34
but I wrote one time counted she had like 76 different sitters
31:38
like. You can see the.
31:39
All the sitters, right. So it's like now I think like
31:46
the transition as I'm still doing a lot, but it's not to
31:54
necessarily prove it. Like I'm at a point where I
31:57
don't want to hustle to hustle. I don't feel like I'm like, and
32:01
this is a new I'm like really in this stage.
32:05
So I'm not super clear about it, but I don't feel like really the
32:11
amount of like, not that I really compared myself to other
32:14
people, but I compared myself like you're saying to the career
32:17
I thought I was supposed to have or the amount of money or the
32:20
success. And if I look like it's like
32:22
some of those, I do like a meditation as like your dream
32:25
life, you know, dream life meditation.
32:29
And yesterday, 2 days ago, I literally was like Oh my God,
32:33
this is literally a dream day. This is this would have been the
32:38
meditation I had a few years ago of I'm living in a dream life of
32:45
what I meant. I manifested and worked very,
32:49
very, very hard for like my husband and I are.
32:51
Like is this? Really our life sometimes, I
32:53
mean, it's still hard like this is it is very hard to have to
32:57
parent and it's very hard to parent a child on the spectrum
33:01
with disabilities. It's very hard to like you're
33:04
saying everything comes in turn. I've never, I don't, I haven't
33:08
had a job in terms of other people.
33:10
And it's all self. It's all self projects.
33:12
And you know, it's all self. So it's hard to keep that
33:16
motivation because if I stop, it all ends tomorrow.
33:20
And I've thought about that many times.
33:21
If I didn't send my clients availability, I wouldn't have
33:25
any clients. If I didn't answer my agent
33:27
emails, I wouldn't have auditions.
33:29
If I didn't do the bookings or ban would be done like literally
33:33
no one's. I'm not clocking in and out
33:36
except like to the universe. So I think like in this
33:39
capacity, I'm really figuring out this stage in my life
33:46
because this is going to sound maybe weird, but everything on
33:48
paper kind of almost either I've accomplished the goals I set out
33:53
to accomplish, or I look at the goals and I'm like, is that old
33:58
me? So I've had this period of life
34:01
where I'm like. What?
34:02
Even are my goals because are my setting things and am I setting
34:10
things just to make something new?
34:11
And I talk about this with my clients sometimes to her, like
34:14
in this period of a midlife pivot and and we have won the
34:20
awards, I have published the book.
34:21
So it's like, do I want to work on a book because I love it or I
34:25
think I need to publish something?
34:27
Do I want to do a show, a one person show because I think I
34:30
need to do it or is it like a story I need to tell?
34:34
So I'm asking these questions to myself all the time and then
34:39
trying to also like be quiet in my space, like meditation.
34:46
And everyday I do a gratitude list and I send it to my two of
34:50
my best friends and they send me theirs.
34:52
And I'm on a text chain where we do like morning pages and we let
34:57
even if it's like 7:30 at night, we're like we're done with our
34:59
morning pages and we text each other like those kind of check
35:03
insurance. Also, accountability.
35:06
Keep. Me, like you asked how it's like
35:09
how that is, you know, I think I've really set up
35:12
accountability networks to just, but once again, it's like you
35:16
can drop off at any time. So it is an internal
35:20
accountability, but with external checkpoints, which is
35:23
why I think people work with me as I give them like little
35:26
homeworks or like little things and we set out timelines.
35:29
So I try to get someone to do that for me as well.
35:31
Like it's like if you have these and I and I'm, I'm looking over
35:35
there because it's like I have like goal sheets, timelines,
35:40
checklists. I mean, I use all the tactics, I
35:43
use everything because you don't, you never know.
35:47
It's like whatever works that day and it's constantly changing
35:49
for me. Right.
35:50
Well, and it's like when it is you, you have to, you have to
35:55
have those checkpoints and those lists and, and be organized.
36:03
But then like, yeah. But then on top of that, like
36:07
that's hard in and of itself. And then you're putting and then
36:12
to have motherhood and a whole human depending on you as well
36:18
is, is wild. Like that's how do you find
36:24
time? Then I I guess it's with, like
36:29
you said, your meditations that you do, but how are you able to
36:33
like decompress for yourself, which of course is like the
36:39
first thing to go and motherhood half of most of the time is like
36:43
the self-care. But how do you how do you
36:48
self-care for? Yourself Well, that's a really
36:52
good question. And it's, I feel like I'm
36:55
starting to dial it in and I and because I've parented, I have a
36:59
stepdaughter who's turned, who just turned 22 and I've parented
37:03
her since she was 4 as well. So and then she, so she's, you
37:08
know, we had, she lived with us a lot when she was younger.
37:11
So I've been parenting and because she's 22 now, it's like,
37:15
you know, I don't, I don't parent her.
37:18
Because it used to be very. Different, you know, like
37:25
getting in self-care, self regulation.
37:29
And I think because I think the truth is that I feel like
37:36
sometimes people pick like the best versions of what, oh, this
37:39
works and this is what you're supposed to do, like take baths
37:41
and like light candles and journal.
37:45
And yes, we do that occasionally if when my hair is greasy enough
37:49
I go wash it. OK quick pause because I just
37:52
have to talk about something I use constantly, Olive and June.
37:56
I am obsessed with Olive and June's gel manning system
38:00
because it actually lasts up to 21 days and makes me feel way
38:04
more put together. But their press ONS are also my
38:07
emergency fix when I have a last minute self tape and need my
38:12
hands to look like I have my life together.
38:14
I also love that I can do it at home after bedtime instead of
38:19
paying 60-70 a $100 for a salon appointment that I'll probably
38:24
cancel anyway. Let's be honest.
38:27
Visit olivendune.com/mommywood for 20% off your first system.
38:33
That's OLIVEANDJ. Une.com/M OMMYWOOD for 20% off
38:43
your first system. But I one of the things that I
38:48
in therapy, I've worked through in therapy, you're right.
38:52
It's like really recognizing that I am the first person to
38:56
sacrifice like I and it's not, I mean, my mother was and not on
39:02
purpose like a martyr for the family, her mother, her mother.
39:06
I come from AI. It is like generational healing
39:09
I'm trying to do of, of putting myself, not even first, but just
39:16
like putting myself, you know, And I think for me, I am a sober
39:24
person and that is important to me because, well, multitude of
39:30
reasons, but it was something that happens.
39:34
I haven't been sober that long, but I was like personally
39:38
checking out and being like, oh, I'm just going to have like wine
39:41
at the end of the night. And I thought that was
39:44
self-care. And it's like kind of like right
39:47
now I realize like one of the things that I think is self-care
39:50
is like scrolling at the end of the night.
39:52
And then I'm like, where did that?
39:53
It's midnight and I've done nothing from 11:50.
39:57
Like it's replacing these habits that are actually toxic and
40:01
addictive like. These are addictive.
40:05
Things and I am susceptible to addictive activities as many
40:10
probably are. And so when I became sober, I
40:15
kind of got some sober friends as well.
40:19
And I think that was helpful because we tried to then
40:24
encourage each other to have use that time better.
40:28
Like we're literally like we're like doing more with that time.
40:32
We usually would have like been drinking or going out for drinks
40:35
or like instead of having my going out for drinks, I'm having
40:39
my friends over to do like a stitch and bitch.
40:42
Like we're learning how to like mend our clothes and I have like
40:45
full moon rituals all the time and sound baths like kind of
40:51
taking that place and then with one of my friends every.
40:54
Week we try to schedule a big nature walk every.
40:57
Like not like a hike for fitness but like a download chat like we
41:02
go to Disconso or Huntington Gardens, get a coffee.
41:06
And it is. Literally therapy for me.
41:09
It's it's therapy for me. And yeah, so I try to.
41:13
Do. All the things I really do and
41:16
it's conscious, like I said, I do the everyday, the gratitudes
41:20
morning pages, I'm meditating. I have like I schedule my walk,
41:25
I go and I'm checking in with my sober friends and how we're
41:29
going to be creative. I say no a lot more.
41:32
Like I get like I'm so grateful to be invited to things, but
41:36
I've realized if I'm by myself as a person, I can manage.
41:41
Like I can go from this to a meeting to a client.
41:47
But the truth is I have a child and that and two dogs, a brand
41:51
new puppy and a husband and people and I have to like give
41:54
space for error. And I hate that I hate it.
41:59
I hate giving space for error and I still, it messes so much
42:03
up for me, but I have to program and plan for that space.
42:09
Like I literally sometimes I'm like, OK, 11 to 12, I have this
42:12
12 to one, I have this one to two, I have this.
42:14
And I'm like, whoa, because it gets to that.
42:16
And I'm like, I didn't get up to go pee for four hours because
42:20
it's like back-to-back to back-to-back.
42:22
Like I have to think about that. And I know it sounds small, but
42:25
it's, it's sacrificing myself like to not get up and stretch
42:29
your legs. Like I have to think of it in in
42:31
micro and macro ways. Well, and as as moms, especially
42:39
with daughters, like to show them that and even I can tell
42:45
it's even hard to say like putting yourself first because
42:49
that is OK. And it just like I feel the same
42:53
way. It doesn't sound, it doesn't
42:55
feel good coming out of our mouths like but it you know,
43:00
they tell you to put your mask on 1st for a reason.
43:04
And we can't take care of any especially can't take care of
43:09
another human if we're not taking care of ourselves.
43:11
But like you said, when it's always like, oh, self-care is a
43:16
bath and can I, OK, Well, we don't all have that luxury of
43:22
doing that. I'm not taking a candlelit bath
43:25
every night in my. Oh, and I've.
43:29
Started doing like small luxuries I look for like and I
43:32
I'm doing I'm in the midst of on my I started this like tiny
43:36
Instagram of like Joy mogul to go with my thing where I'm doing
43:39
like a a 30 day and I thought it was this is a self-care.
43:42
I thought it was going to be 30 days in a row when I started it
43:45
out. And then the world got even
43:48
crazier. Like ice.
43:50
Like I was like, I'm talking about joy 'cause it was like a
43:52
joy challenge, a 30 day joy challenge.
43:54
And it felt very inauthentic. And I'm on day 20 and I'm trying
44:01
every day to consciously do something, even if I don't do
44:04
the challenge that sparks joy, that has communication that is
44:08
conscious. And one of the things about some
44:10
of the classes from like is like joy and happy, not happiness.
44:16
Happiness. There's a difference
44:18
psychologically, scientifically, joy is a practiced, it's a
44:23
practice. So self-care to me is in the
44:27
same platform of like. Where are your?
44:29
Energy leaks. What can we like take out in
44:32
order to like preserve? What can we bring in and like be
44:36
consciously aware of right of like where is where are we
44:41
losing our spark? Where are we gaining a spark?
44:43
Where can we is it in making like a beautiful coffee before
44:48
you know taking that 3 minutes and having the coffee you enjoy.
44:51
I bought a really I sleep in beautiful things.
44:56
I sleep in like either beautiful nightgowns that are like pure
45:00
silk or I sleep in like those old fashioned gowns like we were
45:06
as children that are like have the like cotton lace.
45:09
I'm like a Wuthering Heights grandma when it gets cold, but I
45:13
have like these beautiful cottons and I.
45:17
Because I'm. Half the time dirty, like I
45:19
haven't bathed, but I put on my knives and I literally swear to
45:23
God have really lovely perfumes by my bedside and spray perfume
45:28
on to go to bed. Like I find moments that I can
45:32
that literally doesn't take long to have the put on a nice
45:36
nightgown. It's like, and then it doesn't
45:37
take a moment to put on a perfume or I believe in dopamine
45:41
dressing. Like there's so many ways to
45:44
consciously make choices. Even when you're saying like,
45:48
how do you everyday create something?
45:50
Well, everyday you're not going to write a book like Leonard
45:52
Cohen has that famous quote that I constantly think about.
45:56
I'm going to mess it up that it's like.
45:58
If you make. One line of a song.
46:02
In a week 1. Line if every day you're like
46:05
crafting a word like it's like. Seven days.
46:08
Each day is a word. One day you then you have a
46:10
line. That is like the biggest
46:13
accomplishment for songwriting to have one line a week.
46:16
And if you think. About it that.
46:17
Way these these small choices lead to, you know, the like the
46:22
stone going down the hill getting like a huge Moss ball.
46:27
Well, going back to you saying like that you're, you're more
46:32
able to say no to things now, how does that what does that
46:38
look like for you when you do have so many ideas and like
46:45
different creative outlets when you have an idea and you're
46:49
like, oh, I want to do this, but like, how does it work?
46:52
Saying no to yourself or like writing it down and maybe
46:56
coming, having to come back to it or are you able?
47:00
I, I, this is a very clear thing.
47:02
I know the answer to this is what I talk to people about.
47:04
It's like makes me excited because it's literally like
47:07
something I really think is true that I think I made-up, but I
47:11
don't know. It works for me.
47:13
So I think of everything, every idea, every creative project as
47:18
like a project in production. So.
47:23
I think of every idea as having pre production production.
47:27
Post production OK. So if you have an.
47:30
Idea. You're thinking about your idea.
47:32
Say it's like you're going to write a movie that you're going
47:35
to star in. So it's like the thoughts about
47:38
it, planning for it, that's pre production, right?
47:41
So that production is like shooting the.
47:43
Movie, you know, even doing all the things.
47:47
Post production is going to festivals, the actual post
47:51
production festivals, marketing it, using it to get a new agent,
47:56
etcetera, etcetera, right. So there's different stages of
47:58
that project and we're using a movie, but this is like podcast,
48:01
book, anything, whatever it is in my how I exist and how I
48:08
coach people is you cannot have a a silo clogged.
48:16
So you could have to me an idea in pre production, a different
48:22
one in production and a different one in post production
48:25
and then the. Cycle loops out, but a lot of
48:28
people. Have a lot of things in pre
48:30
production. They have all these ideas or
48:32
they're trying to write a script and they're trying to they're
48:37
trying to put on a show and they're trying to get cast in a
48:40
certain like there's so much in production, right?
48:42
And then there's like nothing in post production.
48:44
They don't get it out like you're saying, like how do you
48:47
finish things? Because if there's an idea.
48:49
If you're moving. It out.
48:50
If you're thinking of the cycle, it's.
48:52
Going if you. Like I I'm a very visual
48:55
thinker. Like I have to like I'm not
48:56
audio at all. Like if.
48:57
You telling me things and like, I don't know.
48:59
So I mean, you know. Like literally I have to like
49:00
see it and put in a thing. But I I feel like this is like a
49:06
method that really works because if it's like so if you get all
49:11
these ideas like, how do you say no?
49:13
To me #1 you feel if it's true, is this like, do I feel
49:17
passionate about this idea? It can I do this idea with my
49:21
friends? Can I do this alone?
49:22
Is it because I think the idea is, do I need it fiscally?
49:26
Like is this something I can cash in on or is this something
49:28
for fun? What does my?
49:29
Life need when you're checking in with yourself and your
49:32
personal needs, that's like the filter, right?
49:35
But then if you're like, oh, I have all these ideas, well then
49:40
move one through, move one in. And then there's more room for
49:44
the download of that. But if not, like, I think it's
49:48
just a way to start filtering. And I've had projects that have
49:52
gone to production whether like, you know, it's like a script and
49:56
you're like, OK, I finished the script and my manager takes a
49:59
script of the film and it never gets made.
50:02
So it never makes it. And sometimes you're like, OK,
50:04
well, then I have to quit hustling this so much.
50:07
Like, I can't do any more rounds of evidence.
50:09
I can't do more notes on this because I'm burnt out.
50:13
So there's like. Always a checks and balances of
50:16
it and so then like that's a point to say no of like I need
50:20
more notes or like. No, I've been working this for
50:21
like 5 years. I can't give any more time to
50:25
this because I, I, I don't see the dividends or I'm not
50:28
invested in it. So I think it's like checking in
50:32
and then really thinking things in those silos really helps me
50:37
as like an analytical thinker versus it being like an abstract
50:42
concept. Yeah, no, that makes sense.
50:46
That is, that is a nice visual way to to think about it.
50:53
I I see that I see. I.
50:58
See, so going back to when your daughter was being thought of or
51:08
before she was born, where were you in your career and were you,
51:15
were you trying to become a mom? And what did that conversation
51:22
look like? Because as creatives, there is
51:27
generalizing a lot of fear, especially as women starting a
51:33
family, whereas you think things are going to be put on hold or
51:38
all all sorts of different fears.
51:40
But what did? What did?
51:43
Starting family look like for you that's.
51:48
A great question. Well, the first part of the
51:53
question was like, what had been done?
51:55
I think we'd already been, on paper successful.
51:58
Like we had a television show that was running I'd I was had
52:04
already been. Nominated.
52:05
And I secretly won my first acting Emmy when I was secretly
52:09
pregnant. Like only my parents knew.
52:12
So there's like a picture of like a billowy dress and like,
52:14
you can kind of tell. And we had won like a Latin
52:19
Grammy. I'd yeah, I'd published like 4
52:22
books or something, 5. You know, I had done many shows.
52:29
I'd done a Broadway show. I'd done Off Broadway.
52:30
So it was like, but it was still like financially not great, you
52:36
know, because it was like on. So it was like, but we had
52:40
insurance which I thought think is.
52:44
Very important, you know, when you're having a kid sort of
52:47
real. And I, when I met my husband and
52:52
like I mentioned, I had a stepdaughter and I was like, I
52:56
had never thought I was going to have children.
52:59
It wasn't like I want to be a mom.
53:01
There wasn't a pool to mothering, but I'm very
53:04
maternal, turns out. You know, I just am.
53:07
But I was like, I think I thought I.
53:09
Couldn't be both. Yeah.
53:12
Like subconsciously I was like, you either become a mother and
53:16
that's what it is. And then you because like that
53:19
was the model. Where you see?
53:21
The husband doing and the wife has a lesser.
53:23
Job from where I came from. You know, or you sacrifice
53:28
music. When I grew up with a special
53:30
needs brother and my mom was sacrificing, she had to be
53:35
there, right? She had to she whether she
53:38
wanted to or not. And so there was so much
53:41
sacrifice, so much devotion. And I didn't get to see them
53:45
flourish in the way that maybe they wanted to.
53:48
They couldn't control their narrative.
53:49
My grandma's. But then I had a very powerful
53:51
other grandma who's just doing things.
53:53
But I thought to be maternal. You had to like, you know, and
53:58
then we're given the narrative that it's false, of women can do
54:01
everything, you can't do everything.
54:03
It's like. So.
54:04
Crazy. It's like, OK, we're going to go
54:06
from this in the 50s, like the 70s or what, 8, whatever it's
54:09
like and now, oh, you can do everything.
54:11
No, you're just like taking the wrong.
54:13
And so I didn't think that I could do it.
54:16
I think subconsciously. And then I became a stepmom and
54:19
that was a lot when I love her. And it was just like, I was on
54:25
my 20s all of a sudden a parent, you know?
54:29
And but then I'd always said, I don't think I want kids.
54:34
But then the second I met my husband, I went, I was like, oh,
54:37
I want a baby with this man. I literally was like, oh, I'm
54:42
not gonna kids. Like when we called my parents
54:45
and told them that we were pregnant, my mom was like, this
54:49
is a joke, isn't it like you're joking and I was like, no,
54:54
because I was there was also later.
54:55
I was 30301835 in my 30s. I was in my 30s so and having
55:06
Indiana was not easy at all. Like fertility.
55:12
It was going to like traveling to being told that nothing took
55:20
and then my husband woke up in the middle of the night and
55:22
bought tickets to Japan, like put tickets in Japan and her
55:25
credit card and we went and like he was like, if we're not going
55:27
to have kids, we're just going to go live our lives.
55:29
Like we're going to use the rest of the money that we have.
55:32
It's like nothing is taking the progesterone shots and the blah,
55:35
blah, blah. And this.
55:36
And like it was, it was like so stressful so much that which
55:40
goes back to insurance like trying and not working.
55:47
And we went to Japan and like prayed at temples and went.
55:50
Everywhere and like. His mom's Catholic was like
55:52
lighting candles. It was like this whole like
55:54
wanted to go get my pelvis tilted.
55:58
Like it was this. It was a whole situation.
56:01
And then when I did get pregnant with Indiana, that time that I
56:06
got pregnant, they told we were about to go on tour and they
56:11
told me that she didn't have a heartbeat anymore.
56:14
And that was like done. And they're like, go in, like
56:17
take care of it. They'll have go, this is the
56:22
end. And I refuse to do it.
56:24
So I went on tour and was in Texas and everyone.
56:30
Thought I'd like. Lost it because I kind of have
56:32
like, I was like, no, this everything's fine.
56:34
They're like, no, it's not fine. There's no heartbeat for this
56:38
baby. And her daughter does have a
56:39
congenital heart defect, but it literally was like, it was a
56:45
like a murmur with a hole in her heart.
56:46
And she's actually it started to like close itself too, which is
56:50
a miracle. Miracles like the literally
56:52
doctors like at age 10 for this. It started closing this past
56:56
year, which is a true miracle. But yeah.
57:00
And then I refused to go. And then we came back and after
57:04
the tour, which was like 6 weeks and we came back to the doctor
57:08
because they were like talked to my husband and they're like, she
57:10
needs help and went in and there was a heartbeat and they were
57:14
like totally shocked. And it was a wild ride.
57:20
And then she like, you know, birth, birth trauma, all the
57:23
things that happened, like 72 hour labor, umbilical on the
57:26
neck, like all the things that happened.
57:28
So, but I always say like. The universe really made me
57:32
like, you really want this. You really want this.
57:34
So like cut to today where I'm homeschooling her being like I
57:39
wanted, we wanted this child was born like all the love, all the
57:44
love, you know, and however your child is blood.
57:47
Like I'm not saying anybody is different.
57:49
This is my own story. And I knew I wanted her.
57:53
And so to be able to parent. Her and like you're.
57:56
Saying be the kind of woman that I hope she can see.
58:00
And my I respect my mom and my grandma for what they did to the
58:05
utmost extent, but I didn't fit in that particular world.
58:08
Like I wasn't good at that. That I'm just like, also I'm not
58:12
very good at domestic things at all.
58:13
Like I'm really not. It's really bad.
58:14
I'm like, I can't like my balance are finances and your
58:19
books, but my husband's really good at cooking, thank God.
58:22
But so you know, but my I'm still figuring out how to do it
58:29
all in clothes and air clothes because I don't think that I
58:33
can. So like, I'm really looking at
58:35
things for what can happen in this time of my life.
58:39
Like what is the priority? And it takes a lot of
58:42
selflessness. It is really selfless to be a
58:46
parent. It is, it is.
58:47
And especially like whether you know, you have resources or not,
58:52
and definitely we did not have resources at all with my
58:56
stepdaughter. And then when Indiana was young,
58:58
we didn't either. And now things are getting a
59:00
little easier, you know, in terms of the but that's
59:03
difficult. It's it is.
59:04
And we don't have family here. And, you know, so my husband and
59:08
I have been on a date in a billion years because you step
59:10
out the door and it's like $100. And I'm like.
59:12
Absolutely no. We'll take her with us to the
59:14
restaurant. You know, it's like, but all
59:17
those things are just daily. And I think to try to map for me
59:24
to map out the trajectory of like what's being a mom and an
59:29
artist? It's like what's today, what's
59:32
today? Like I know where I like you
59:34
were saying at the beginning of this, like where we think we're
59:37
going to be. I've had to mourn a lot of like
59:41
what I thought things would be like.
59:44
And then also like, holy crap, this is so much better than what
59:47
I thought it was going to be. But it's a very odd thing as an
59:52
artist because your job is not linear.
59:55
I mean, some people maybe they're like, I want to be like
59:58
an actress on television. And that's like the thing.
1:00:01
But that like you're asking at the beginning, that wasn't me,
1:00:04
but I knew I wanted to be a mom. And the fact that I get to not
1:00:08
in the way in this traditional way.
1:00:12
But it's like life is wackadoodle and awesome and
1:00:15
vibrant and hard and beautiful, but it's like all the things at
1:00:20
once and, and it's taking in that day, right?
1:00:24
Wow, that is such an incredible story.
1:00:30
And like, I cannot imagine having gone through that, like
1:00:39
the the idea of and that's that's so traumatic too, having
1:00:46
that the doctors telling you there's no heartbeat.
1:00:51
And then like, I wonder if there's just a part of you that
1:00:54
just like instincts, like your body just.
1:00:57
I think so as. Well, but like, can you like, I
1:01:02
like, I'm sure you've been through those moments of like
1:01:05
thinking otherwise like, Oh my gosh, there's so many, there's
1:01:09
so many things. I think a mother and a woman's
1:01:13
intuition, like women's intuition, like so incredible,
1:01:19
like so incredible. And then we've been like told
1:01:22
not to listen to ourselves. And that's like, my main thing
1:01:24
is a mom to one of them is like we listen to our own bodies,
1:01:28
like a voice, like the feeling seems scary.
1:01:30
If a person seems weird, they are like they're they're weird.
1:01:33
Like don't go down that alley. Don't, don't, don't get that
1:01:36
thing right. It's like, but every I use that,
1:01:39
like we talked about the nose went to know the nose and the
1:01:41
filter of ideas. Our intuition is so guiding
1:01:46
right and it gets congested and I think because we're moms and
1:01:50
humans and artists and we're all making it up as we go along.
1:01:54
It's like I can research everything to the bone.
1:01:58
I can research everything and have every answered.
1:02:01
At the end of the day, it's like what works best for me, what
1:02:04
works best for my family, what works best for like, my career,
1:02:08
my, my, the longevity of my life.
1:02:10
That's how I'm also trying to filter these.
1:02:13
Well, yeah. And that's so hard as women, as
1:02:16
moms were like everything is judged.
1:02:23
And a lot of it is just like judgment we put on ourselves
1:02:26
from the outside. And like you said, you said
1:02:29
about the like self-care scrolling at the end of the day.
1:02:33
And it's like, yeah, that is not conducive to anyone's mental
1:02:40
health. And just like and and also
1:02:45
unproductive use use of time for the most part as well.
1:02:49
Like. Having the other things to do
1:02:55
instead of, you know, drinking or scrolling or whatever these.
1:03:02
Online shopping, I mean, we just filled the time and if it's not
1:03:05
hurting you, great. But it gets to a feet where it's
1:03:09
like for me, the hours had passed and I'd be like, oh, like
1:03:13
my, my therapist calls it revenge scrolling.
1:03:16
I think that's like a real thing where it's, you know, because
1:03:19
nobody's asking you to do anything.
1:03:22
They'll just be like, like every night I get make a decaf coffee
1:03:25
and have like a cookie or like I have, I always keep boxes of
1:03:28
chocolates and I have like my chocolate, my decaf espresso at
1:03:32
night time. And I like just like have my my
1:03:36
PEMF mat and like scrolling because it and I'm like, no, but
1:03:40
and I know, I know I should go to bed.
1:03:42
I'm like, Alicia, you're going to go to bed, get ready at 10,
1:03:44
do your wash your face and go to bed at 10:30.
1:03:47
It's like 12. And I'm like, Oh, I really
1:03:49
needed to look at that real about how to of the trends of
1:03:53
2026, what color, right? But it's like sometimes we do
1:03:58
need that. So it's like that's the fine
1:04:01
line being like, when do we cross that?
1:04:04
Like you're saying, like what's the internal need versus the
1:04:07
outside judgment versus like, well, every day it's just like
1:04:10
checking in with the self, Well, checking in myself.
1:04:15
Well, and I love that you mentioning the the whole women
1:04:20
can do everything and it's like we can do anything but to do
1:04:27
everything. Yeah, we it's too much to put on
1:04:33
ourselves. And it's hard to navigate that
1:04:38
as artists when we want to be like, I can do this and be a mom
1:04:42
and do all the things where it's it's it is.
1:04:46
It's exhausting. It's exhausting.
1:04:52
But what gosh, I I just had a flash of you saying that you're
1:05:00
honest, like nursing and then on stage and then all of that with
1:05:06
your daughter. I just like the visual of that
1:05:08
is just it. Was like stadiums, like it must
1:05:11
be a stadium, like stadiums of people.
1:05:15
And I just, she would be on the side like watching with like
1:05:17
headphones, just like sitting in Portland.
1:05:21
Isn't it funny how you like can look back and be like, how did I
1:05:26
do that? But like as a like, just like
1:05:30
the things that we do and looking back and like, what did
1:05:34
you do it Just like as moms, we just like we do it.
1:05:37
We do the things that we I. Would like if I got to go back,
1:05:41
I'd just be like I was, I had so much undiagnosed postpartum
1:05:46
anxiety and anxiety like my anxiety, like now I'm like just
1:05:51
in the past year also on Zoloft and I swear, because I like my
1:05:57
anxiety like I would, we would be my husband would be like,
1:06:00
remember when we went to that, you know, that night market in
1:06:05
Guangzhou and there were scorpions and the sticks and
1:06:08
that guy and I was like, no, because there were all these
1:06:11
people and I was watching the stroller to make sure that
1:06:14
nobody ran into her and that she was it was so late and I was
1:06:17
stressed out because she wasn't long asleep in a stroller.
1:06:20
There were I wasn't he was having a totally and my
1:06:23
husband's a fabulous dad if I'd asked him, can you watch Indiana
1:06:27
while I go over here? But I wouldn't even let him
1:06:30
watch it because also I was like, I'm doing this right.
1:06:32
And that's my control issues. Like, but if I look back, I'd be
1:06:36
like, just relax a little bit, like do whatever you can for
1:06:42
like your anxiety, like get medicated, get help, rely on
1:06:47
your community, you know, like, I think that's part of it too.
1:06:53
And that's still something like even I'm starting like I
1:06:56
mentioned this home school this week.
1:06:59
I, I scheduled the time to walk with my friend and she's so
1:07:03
kind. She was like, we'll bring in
1:07:05
Danny. She can run around while we do
1:07:07
our walk. And at first I was like, well,
1:07:09
that's my walk time, you know, but I'm also like, yes, she
1:07:13
needs nature. She needs, she needs, I need
1:07:17
this. And so it's like just finding
1:07:20
out because we because what can we do?
1:07:24
What are our limitations? What?
1:07:27
So instead of it being like, what is the yes compromise, you
1:07:31
know, it's just like figuring out how the pieces get put
1:07:34
together when the puzzle changes every day.
1:07:36
Yeah. Yes, exactly.
1:07:41
What advice would you give someone who is thinking of of
1:07:47
starting a family and they're in this industry and and haven't
1:07:56
haven't gotten there yet or like they're like I want to start a
1:07:58
family, but I'm afraid of all of the things what would.
1:08:03
What dog and husband are coming out?
1:08:06
They're like, what is she? Oh good boy.
1:08:13
I don't know. I mean, I usually have answers
1:08:16
for things, but if I really think about what like advice I'd
1:08:20
give someone about starting a family, like I don't think I'm
1:08:23
qualified for that. You know, like, I think that
1:08:26
like. It's a it's such an individual
1:08:30
journey. Well, like my journey is so and
1:08:36
I was gonna say like find the right person to do it with.
1:08:39
But I also know people who are like single parents who are
1:08:43
thriving. So I can't say that Like if I
1:08:46
really like, like what is my real feeling about that
1:08:49
question? I don't know.
1:08:54
I don't know because I also know people who didn't mean to get
1:08:57
pregnant and they have babies. So it's not like really know you
1:09:01
want to be a mom like because that's not validating their
1:09:04
experiences as well. So I guess my, my, my thing
1:09:10
would be like to give advice to someone starting a family is
1:09:14
just, I mean, I would say take it day by day, but that's a lie
1:09:19
too, because I'm planning for my child when she's 25 right now.
1:09:24
What kind of car can she drive the safest?
1:09:28
I mean, I don't I if you ask me as like an artist mother like
1:09:32
that may be like, you know, protecting yourself, protecting
1:09:37
your space. But for like starting a family,
1:09:40
I don't know. I think that I'm like, not like
1:09:43
I'm an expert on a lot of things, maybe a little things,
1:09:46
but like. I don't know because our journey
1:09:49
I started a family as a. Stepmom you know, I literally
1:09:53
celebrated Mother's Day as a stepmom and that was totally not
1:09:58
in the cards for me. Like when I was dating people, I
1:10:00
was like literally like, I am not going to date anyone with
1:10:03
children. Like I have no way.
1:10:05
I mean like the hard. Line that was like my.
1:10:07
One red flag, right? And then I had been in a
1:10:10
relationship that. Was like horrible and full of
1:10:14
lies and just really bad. And then right after I met.
1:10:19
My husband and he was like this is my life, this is my daughter,
1:10:22
this is what I eat, this is where I work, these are my
1:10:24
friends. If you don't like it, that's
1:10:25
cool, but my daughter's my priority and I was like, whoa, a
1:10:29
man that like that in LA like that's very refreshing.
1:10:33
And I was like, oh, OK, And then so the.
1:10:35
Universe also set me up as something traumatic that checked
1:10:39
all my boxes and then was like, gave me my husband in a way that
1:10:44
I didn't anticipate, you know? So like, there are many ways to
1:10:48
start a family. And mine started by being a
1:10:51
stepmom and then started it in another way, in essence, by
1:10:56
having a biological child, you know, And I have a lot of
1:10:59
friends who've adopted. So it's like, I just think that
1:11:04
you can't run out of love. That's what I'd say.
1:11:10
Like, don't worry if you're gonna, if it's like, you know,
1:11:14
they're, they're, they're you're gonna, you'll keep it'll, it'll
1:11:17
come around. Yeah, for the for the
1:11:21
unexpected, but that's we can only plan for the unexpected
1:11:26
stuff, you know, plan to be surprised.
1:11:32
Well, gosh, I, I feel like so many people are gonna want to
1:11:36
like be like, yes, tell me how to filter and do the things
1:11:41
please. So where can we all, where can,
1:11:44
where can we find you? And what, where do you want to
1:11:48
point us to? I know you have lots of things
1:11:51
to point us to, but. Yeah, I think, yeah, I my
1:11:56
Instagram for is Alicia Gaddis here.
1:12:00
Alicia Gaddis, my name here, HERE.
1:12:04
And then I have an Instagram Joy Mogul, and that's like with the
1:12:08
Joy Challenge. It's totally free, just doing it
1:12:11
because I wanted to get back at the beginning of the year.
1:12:13
And then my website, which has kind of everything is Joy
1:12:17
mogul.com where you can find like speaking.
1:12:20
Stuff. It connects to my band website,
1:12:22
my acting websites. I got all the connection pages,
1:12:25
but that's where you could also like for coaching.
1:12:28
Go but yeah, there's lots of ways to just like connect.
1:12:32
I love connecting with other mothers parents like I've been
1:12:36
literally also the group that my friend Annie who introduced us
1:12:41
together, we're in the pile together.
1:12:43
This like group that's like a mom group and it's it it saves
1:12:48
me. That's the thing too is like
1:12:50
find your tribe. That's the advice I give.
1:12:52
That's my advice. Find your tribe.
1:12:53
Which sounds so stupid because I was really bad at at first, like
1:12:56
I said, because I wouldn't let anybody even hold my baby.
1:12:59
And then all my friends at the time, I was the first one in LA
1:13:02
to have a kid, but all my friends in the Midwest had like
1:13:07
children in school. So I was in this.
1:13:08
Really weird place, like I would, you know, even though I
1:13:11
was in my 30s, but once I found the people who are artist
1:13:15
mothers who reflect who we reflected each other's lives
1:13:19
like. My friend to a few of my
1:13:21
friends. Started a writers.
1:13:23
Group invited me with Indiana when she was in a high chair.
1:13:27
I'd never written a script ever brought and had it on my notes.
1:13:32
I was writing a script in notes and she was like.
1:13:34
Have you ever? Heard a final draft.
1:13:35
I'm like no. And then we were I was in a
1:13:38
writers group with my child from that I didn't did writing
1:13:42
classes with the moms I'm still friends with who were in the.
1:13:45
Pile who we all did it from that.
1:13:47
I wrote a show, sold a show, wrote another thing, sold it
1:13:51
like from literally writing in notes and and but the reason why
1:13:56
I could go was because she said bring your child and put her in
1:14:00
a high chair. It had been like, Oh, there's a
1:14:02
writers group. No kids because it's like a
1:14:04
thing. It was a group of moms and we
1:14:07
had there was a newborn. My friend who's like a huge
1:14:10
deal, like she's a showrunner. She brought her newborn and said
1:14:15
that the baby on the table with my child in a high.
1:14:18
Chair and we were just like that is like that that changed
1:14:22
everything for me yeah, that was like in the early stages when I
1:14:26
had. People who were doing the same
1:14:28
things. Oh, my husband.
1:14:32
He looks handsome. Yeah, that's it.
1:14:36
Yeah, I that's, that's amazing. That's such like a great a great
1:14:43
tribe to be a part of. It is and we keep seeing each
1:14:47
other like rise in different ways.
1:14:50
Some people have pivoted theirs careers and some people have
1:14:53
expanded in amazing ways. But I think that's what.
1:14:56
I was saying. Starting a family is like find
1:14:59
don't panic if you don't find your people at the beginning
1:15:01
because I didn't at the beginning, but like just keep
1:15:04
trying to find people that get you or find the expanders like,
1:15:09
oh, I they're mothering in the way that I want a mother.
1:15:13
Oh, I didn't know that was possible.
1:15:15
Like I didn't know that you could like direct a television
1:15:18
show and then also have a three-year old like how that
1:15:22
work. I mean, those were I had to find
1:15:25
the people who doing the things that I didn't know could happen
1:15:29
truly because it was blew my mind.
1:15:31
But. But yeah, so find those people
1:15:34
and yeah, I'd love to connect with people in that way too.
1:15:37
Like, because I just want to continue cultivating people who
1:15:41
are like minded or not like minded, you know what I mean?
1:15:44
Who want who want to like, live this life in a juicy way?
1:15:48
Yeah, well, yeah. And that's exactly why I started
1:15:50
Mommy, because I was like, how are people I need?
1:15:54
How are people doing all all of these things that they're doing?
1:15:58
And, and it's just amazing to to hear like how these amazing
1:16:05
women are doing, like yourself doing, having so much success in
1:16:10
doing amazing things. And then you're like, wait,
1:16:13
they're a mom too. Like what?
1:16:15
That's wild. So Oh my gosh, I appreciate you
1:16:20
taking your time and chatting with me.
1:16:22
This has been so wonderful. Billy has.
1:16:26
Thank you for inviting me. Are you kidding?
1:16:28
I'm so I feel very honored. It was really great to spend
1:16:31
this time talking with you. You know, I feel very expanded.
1:16:37
Oh great. And I will.
1:16:38
Put all of those those links for everyone to find you in in the
1:16:43
show notes and and share galore and and then I'll e-mail you all
1:16:49
the. But yeah, let me know if you
1:16:52
need anything. This was like lovely.
1:16:54
You're so wonderful. You're such a good, deep
1:16:56
listener. Which was like kind of made me
1:17:01
almost nervous, like not nervous like, whoa.
1:17:03
Because you know, you, you, you leave.
1:17:06
You left so much space. That I was like, oh I should
1:17:08
build the space. But it's because you're such a
1:17:10
good. Listener, you're like a deep
1:17:12
listener and the fact that you were like notating.
1:17:15
And then be like. And then when you said?
1:17:16
This, I was like, oh, she's like.
1:17:17
Such like so many people when you're in pocket, they're
1:17:19
thinking ahead like. But you were like, let's cover
1:17:22
this so. You're doing an excellent job.
1:17:24
You nailed it. That that really means a lot to
1:17:26
me. I appreciate that.
1:17:28
Great. Job very you're so impressive
1:17:31
and kind and so thank you for having me.
1:17:33
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Mommy Wood.
1:17:37
Now, before you go, if Mommy Wood feels like a place you
1:17:40
belong, I want to invite you to join the Village, which is our
1:17:44
Mommy Wood Patreon community. For just $5 a month you have
1:17:48
bonus episodes, expert guests, deeper conversations and
1:17:53
content, and series I don't share anywhere else.
1:17:56
It's the best way to support the show and help keep Mommy would
1:17:59
going. Mommy would only exist because
1:18:01
of this community. So if this show has ever made
1:18:04
you feel seen, supported, or less alone, I'd love for you to
1:18:08
join The Village on Patreon. The link to the Patreon is in
1:18:12
the show notes. I want to give a huge thank you
1:18:15
to my producer and good friend Cecilia for making Mommy Wood
1:18:19
what it is and to Edith Mudge for the Mommy Wood theme music.
1:18:24
As always, thank you for being a part of Mommy Wood.
1:18:28
Please come be a part of the village as well.
1:18:30
I hope to see you there. I need you to wait.
1:18:35
Bye bye.