Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why Self-Help Books Don't Fix Marriages | Don't Read My Book | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep472

Transcript

Why Self-Help Books Don't Fix Marriages | Don't Read My Book | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep472 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Don't read my fucking book.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Next slide, Mary Aid.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: The number one relationship hack.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Answer the question.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: The impact that impacts trust.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Getting your partner on board.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't read my fucking book.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Morrow Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't even have this podcast episode on the schedule.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, so neither one of us knows what we're talking about today.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Normally it's just me.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Normally it's just my wife.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Don't read my fucking book.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, don't read Catherine's while we're at it.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, hey leave me out of this.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm serious for a second here, guys.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I talked to a great man.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I really liked the conversation with him.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh today?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was it was a little while ago, but uh it what happened was um okay, let me recap it and then I'll explain why this is so important because I had a conversation today, not about the man I was thinking of a moment ago, and I'm gonna explain the two men.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a man a couple weeks ago, I believe it was somebody I followed up for you.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: They were very interested in the program.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh his wife, I mentioned in some podcasts, I think one day already.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: His wife, um, big supporter also of him, which is not common with people we deal with, which is wonderful.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever we see you guys, it's fantastic.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: However, he didn't want to be a client, he wanted to read the book, and I can appreciate understand we wrote the book.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh actually, I'll save that part.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you why I wrote the book later, why Kathy wrote her book later.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can appreciate that.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, we can assume based off the conversation man two that I had today.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the book is incredible.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I wrote it, I'll tell you why at the end, okay.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a man who's in the program and he's seeing so much more from being in the course, and even more from being on the coaching calls.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the bread and butter, the coaching calls, that is where it is.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: So there was a woman I did also, I'll talk about another woman today.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did a coaching call for the women today, husband's perspective, talking to one of Catherine's clients, and her words were, I've been here, I've been in the shadows, but I've been watching.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: All right, I'm gonna take it back to the man too.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, man too read the book.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Man too did the best he could to interpret.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have been accused, like many people who write self-help books, I've been accused of trying to upsell or oversell or try to force you or whatever into coaching from the book.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody take a deep break.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds so funny because the book does definitely if you're taking that from the book, who's actually forcing you?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's no little voice that comes out of the book.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if there is, go see a licensed therapist.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Don't come to us.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Do not come to us.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's outside of our scope of practice.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: The book does not talk to you.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: We're not on Kindle or any of that shit either.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not Kindle.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: What is it?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Audible?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Audible, yeah.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're not on there.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's supposed to be one coming out.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think AI is gonna write my book.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or in your head.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: But here's my husband laugh though.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Here's this good one.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was serious to the rest of it.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, we're telling you you should read.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you an example of one positioning of where I say you should get coaching.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I suggest you join what I call Lourdes, the man of my program.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I teach something that I developed.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's called stat response.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I care so much that you understand this tool is so good for you that I teach you in the book.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I teach you in the course, and we have role-playing calls on the app.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: We role play because it's hard to do when your wife or your husband is screaming at you.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, did you read the book when your wife was screaming at you?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: No, you didn't.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: You got cool.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: What voice do you hear now?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, hold on, stay with me.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I care so much that on our free app with a free community, it's also where our paid members go to, whether when you're in the coaching program, you're looking at the course.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: There is, I don't put lessons of me teaching stat, I put lessons, live role-play lessons from my head coach, the president of my company, Dennis, on there, so you can see that anyone can learn stat.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, ding.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And other clients.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And other clients.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's right.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're on the call as well that you get to watch.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here is the real reason why.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So this man two comes in and he says, I read the book, and I mean, it made so much sense.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I had made a lot of progress, and I feel like I've gone backwards.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we started talking about things.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: One of the examples was the stat response.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because listen, you can read something, and you can try to maintain your composure.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna yell anymore if you see me on YouTube.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing half a Superman fucking stance.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, and you you realize that at the end of the day, implementation requires accountability.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Implementation requires a reality check.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, really?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: That was a good stat response, except for your defensive.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So her ears closed and her mouth opened.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then you couldn't handle the stat response again.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's the point.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's for rejection.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: You need to practice.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So who are you practicing with?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So am I trying to upsell you to coaching?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm trying to give you what you need.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Don't read my fucking book.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: If you that the reason why I called it this is because if you think that it's gonna save your life, don't even bother starting there because you're gonna go backwards.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, it's like, you know, you guys have successful jobs, you guys have successful businesses, you learned calculus to get where you are right now.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So what if I what if life or death depended on a calculus exam?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or you had to work for NASA and save someone's life, not your life or death, but someone else's.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Could you do it based on high school calculus because you read it once in a book or you did it for a year?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, we know that regular people in regular jobs statistically make mistakes at work, lose focus at work because let's say they're grieving, let's say they have a sexless marriage, let's say they didn't sleep for weeks on end because they're fighting with their spouse, let's say they're adding drink alcohol, drinks to that, and that compounds in the sleep.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, if we know all that statistically is fucking up bottom lines at work, and that's something you're actually good at, your paid for position, and you're fucking it up, then how in the world are you learning 15 new skills from me, 15 new skills from Catherine or whatever, and you just got it from reading a book and you're just gonna you're just magic?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're a savant.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck are you talking about?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: If we know that Michael Jordan, the best basketball player of all time, had a coach, especially got into coaching, you can Google this, when he was failing, I can't remember if it was junior high, I think it was high school basketball tryouts.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: The best basketball player of all time has always had coaches from when he almost failed tryouts.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You guys selling.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why we wrote the books was two reasons.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: One, the most important one.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's a quick reference when you've gone through our courses so that you can implement faster.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go find the video, you can look at the index, look through the pages, and you can actually go through.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I remember.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's not supposed to be a substitute for the coaching.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a substitute and coaching.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a nice add-on.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, number two, and this one's powerful because there are a lot of you that will never figure your life out.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning you're broke is one of the things.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I could go on, I'm not here to shame you, but let's get real.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Most of North America is broke.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Broke.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Most of the world.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Why stop at North America?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh that's true, because we have people in South Africa who want this so bad, for some reason it's one of the, it's it's like way low on the list.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like the United States is way high at the top.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: South Africa is way low in numbers.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like for economy, you mean for no no, I mean.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean people that are interested in our content, people watching, following from South America is actually high.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just proportionately so low compared to how many people are following from the United States, okay?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: But they're obviously much poorer over there.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so a book can benefit somebody like that, right?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: A book can benefit you if you're not doing so well financially.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, shit.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have content that's going out right now.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, you have problems in marriage if you're broke.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, you're more stressed.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just start with that.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Cortisol levels are higher.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: That means you're sleeping less, and we can go on.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Coping is higher statistically, right?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: We have all these things that happen because of financial issues.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so the second reason we wrote the book was simply, or our books, was simply so that people who couldn't afford more could have something.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: But the amount of people like this man from a few weeks ago and KVI, I have not talked to that man.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: He could be doing great.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: After all, yet a supportive wife, that's a man that fails, by the way, in our program.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's a man we go, you're likely to fail.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: The moment he starts being happy because his wife makes it easy on him.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a man who's changing.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's a man who's gonna relax again.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just i.e., why I say, get into lore's.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so what we see is time and time again, man one again.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have not heard from man one, but time and time again, man one becomes man two, and man two recognizes the difference.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a vastly different learning from somebody talking to you, and you can see them.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's a video course.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So even if we finally get the audiobook out, you s your brain still doesn't receive the information as well.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Google that shit.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, you can because Google me, bitch.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: What's that movie?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can't remember.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's uh Four Christmases.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can use Google.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Google uses AI now, so you don't have to just go to your AI.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: But however you research, double check what I'm telling you.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's fucking fact.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's why if you read a book and you can write it down and hear it at the same time, you retain it the fastest.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if visually you're watching a course as you're writing it down and retain it.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, ugh.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Come on, come on.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, one don't read the book if you're gonna use it as an excuse.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because moral of the story.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what happens is you guys, just so you know, is it feeds your blame and resentment because you feel like you've tried from the people who or the ones who made it, the ones who are giving the world hope, disrupting divorce, and it doesn't work.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not, it's the implementation, I promise you.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm and I'll be real, we don't save every marriage.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: You should know that by now.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I can tell you what, every person that has failed, I believe they did not try everything yet.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I believe they weren't consistent enough.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: We just had a woman today on Catherine's call.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: One of my women.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, one of one of my calls working with the women.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Two weeks ago, she was ready to quit.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck him.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I hate him.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to sign the divorce papers, I just want to do it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: He's just doing everything he can to get me to do it, whatever.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I cast her ass.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: She actually thanked me for holding her accountable.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: She said it in a different way.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: She was more strong.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: She said, Your tough love.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Tough love, yeah.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And and essentially, here's what happened over the next two weeks when she was encouraged and told by a coach to use the program, shown where she wasn't used the pro using the program.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they've had days of wonderful flirting, having fun.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is the nicest he's treating her.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: The other call was he only treats you nice when he wants the divorce paper signed, and they're fucking.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And they've been in, she's been in the program for about a year, and no, I mean, I don't think anybody thought that this was gonna turn around.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: So what?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: She could have given up six months ago, she could have read the book and said this doesn't work, but you know what she did?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: She stayed in the program, she listened to what we said.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: She got a new perspective from the city.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: New perspective.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: She got some tough love.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: I corrected her a couple weeks ago, and I was like, I don't even know who you are this week.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: You better go back to the woman you were a month ago.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: And here she is, having sex with her husband, and he's no longer there was another woman, no longer with the other woman, moving forward.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because she didn't quit.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: She said that so quietly, and there was another woman.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Holy fuck, people.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Not anymore.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: The book won't do that for you.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: The book is never gonna tell you to pull your head out of your ass.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ever, ever, ever.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Unless you hear those voices, and listen to that one though.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to that voice.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you're if that voice ever tells you that, be like, oh, that must be Casting Catherine.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll listen to that one.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, discernment, guys, discernment.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Been in the course.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's that's for it.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't actually afford a course, I bet you most of you didn't even try to find out if you could find a way.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we were broke when we started learning, like absolutely broke.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: When by the way, I teach you not to do this now, but I would ask Catherine if it was okay.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, uh I I we had to find a way to learn.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, we still find a way to learn.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: We still make it possible.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that is always with a coach who's been there.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: No book can ever do that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, honestly.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: The last trip to Vegas, learning, and the onboard.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: We have all of his books.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we have all of his books.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: All of his books.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: We have all of them.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know what works?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking to the man, working with the man, working with the team directly.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, hopefully you've learned something.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next time.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Bye bye.