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7 Practical Ways to Respond to A Critical Boss or Undermining Boss · Enhance.training

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's very stressful to have a critical boss.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: It can be hard to maintain motivation, a good opinion of them, or belief that you're doing a good job.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Even worse as a boss that actively undermines you.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sharing practical ways to respond to a critical boss so you keep your confidence high, believe your contributions are valuable and know what to do to win your boss over so they reduce their criticism.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what I cover today is equally useful when you have a critical or undermining person that is a peer or co-worker.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Don't suffer excessive criticism.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It is bad news on multiple fronts to put up with their unfair criticism without working to reduce or remove it.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Taking action is going to make you feel a lot better, put you back in the driving seat, and is a key skill to learn so you can handle these situations confidently throughout your career.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't have a critical boss right now, chances are that you will have one at some point.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: So first, the hidden danger of critical or undermining bosses.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just imagine if a lot of your work gets criticized, or maybe your boss questions you more than others in the team, or you get blamed for problems and don't get much credit for successes.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: How would you feel?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Singled out, picked on, frustrated, angry?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: How would these feelings change your attitude, how you approach your work, your motivation, and what you thought of your boss?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest danger isn't the criticism and undermining itself.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: A much bigger danger is that it changes how you think, behave, and act.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your reactions can often make the situation worse than it needs to be.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Before you start responding to criticism with anger, fear, anxiety, or frustration, try to understand what might actually be driving this critical behaviour towards you.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Jess Coles, and if you're new here, Enhanced.training provides resources, courses, and coaching for you to build management expertise and confidence to lead any team to their best performance.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Take a look in the description for additional resources to help you keep difficult or critical bosses happy and to help you get promotion in any situation you face.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, mentally separate the behaviour from the intent.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Many professionals and managers assume when they are being criticized or undermined, firstly they're being targeted or their bosses dislike them, or their career is under threat.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this is true.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the time this is not really the case.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Other very possible explanations are things like, you know your boss is under pressure, or they have poor people skills and don't know how to express their own frustrations, or they believe criticism increases your performance, or the other person feels threatened in some way by you or your work, or they don't realise the impact they're having on you.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Humans are not very logical or rational at times.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Emotions, fears, and insecurities often drive a lot of behaviour.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: The other person might not even realize they have these feelings.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of unfair or unjustified criticism comes from the other person's fears.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: A good question to ask yourself is what facts do I have versus what assumptions am I making?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Try not to assume.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have facts, ask questions to get them.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: This step separates genuine criticism from unfair or unjustified criticism.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: This step also helps you manage your own emotions and reduces your reaction to criticism.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: You move from making a bunch of often very incorrect assumptions to basing your reactions on fact.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Third, find useful learning from the criticism.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Looking to learn from criticism is one of the strongest and best responses you have to getting criticism.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Learning helps you improve.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Looking to learn creates a positive mindset for you.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Your focus on what you can do better rather than beating yourself up or feeling down or feeling an inability to affect the outcomes.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, why are they always criticizing me?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Ask, is there anything I can genuinely learn from this criticism?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: It is also very important to categorize the criticism that you get into.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: First, useful improvement feedback.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is nearly always detailed and includes the how to improve steps.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, unhelpful criticism, which is often vague and lacks an attempt to help or educate you, i.e., its purpose has negative intent.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Pay a lot more attention to the useful improvement feedback.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ignore the unhelpful criticism, but do ask why they are criticizing.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: If the criticism's only purpose is helping the other person, don't pay much attention to it.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Do your best to ignore the emotional packaging linked to criticism.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Look to learn from criticism wherever you can.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, ask clarifying questions instead of defending yourself.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Many people get defensive when criticized.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is very natural and unfortunately not a great response to criticism, especially from bosses.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't justify, argue or explain.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank them for their comment and start asking questions.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is not the response most expect.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Asking questions shows you are trying to learn is a positive response and reduces emotional fears in the other person.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: This helps you.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: When people criticize me, I love asking them questions.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly would you like me to do differently next time?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Would you give me more details about exactly what I should change?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Ask questions to seek to understand.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Use an interested, calm and professional voice.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let sarcasm, anger, or annoyance creep into your tone.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: More information is always useful and it makes it easier for you to improve.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: When the criticism is intended to put down, embarrass or undermine, asking for specifics and more detail usually stops them making any more comments.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: They are rarely able to answer your questions without looking silly.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then it becomes clear to everyone listening that they don't have any substance behind their criticism.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ask questions, don't defend or argue.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Fifth, create a written record of expectations and feedback.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Creating a written record does take a bit of time and effort.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: When receiving realistic, useful criticism, it is worth it.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: For undermining, it is a must.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Once you've asked questions and got detailed feedback, write a quick email summary and then send it over to your boss or coworker.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Start with something like just to confirm, my understanding is, then replay the points that you have heard and list the actions, priorities and deadlines that you have agreed and what success looks like.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: A written record reduces misunderstandings and creates something you and your boss can refer to later.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: A written record also creates accountability for you, which will probably please your boss and it protects you from shifting expectations.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you have completed the work, made the improvements, etc., I suggest you communicate with your boss how and why you have met or beaten the expectations captured in your summary.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is great for emphasising your will and effort to improve and usually wins points with even the toughest of bosses.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: For undermining behaviour, capture what happened, when and where.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do more documentation than you think you need.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is great for winning support and stopping undermining behaviour.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: 6.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Build performance credibility through visibility.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Undermining behaviors, put downs, criticisms and other negative behaviour are all much easier for others to do when people don't know your performance levels.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Getting your performance and what you do well into the limelight.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Get it visible.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: There are many benefits to this, including making it a lot harder for others to effectively undermine you or put you down.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Practical actions you should take include you provide concise project updates regularly.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Share completed work visibly and talk about it in meetings with your boss and colleagues.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Keep stakeholders of your work informed of progress through regular emails and conversations.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Quantify progress with reporting and KPIs and communicate these clearly.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to keep your work and progress clear, visible and quantified.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: This makes it really hard for others to put you down, unduly criticise you or undermine you.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: This approach does require you to be doing an average job or better.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you're doing better than average as a job, you should be making your work visible via updates every single week.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is really important to ensure your bosses know you are doing a good job.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Seventh, work to build a professional support network across your business.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: This action builds on the previous one.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Your goal is to build relationships with as many people as practical or sensible.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Prioritize key stakeholders, more senior managers and leadership team members.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: The more people who know you and rate you, the more support you'll get, the more effective you'll be, and the quicker you'll deliver work.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Don't allow yourself to become isolated with everything going through your boss.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: A strong network reduces the power any one difficult individual, including bosses, have over your career.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Some actions to consider.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Provide updates to stakeholders by popping round to their desk.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Face to face is the best and quickest way to build relationships.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, go to work social events and introduce yourself to people who attend.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Third, try to get involved in cross-functional projects in work time or outside of it.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, volunteer to help organise events, team days, or any other type of event that will bring you into contact with others.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Fifth, try your best to help others.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is a brilliant way of getting to be known and liked quickly across the business.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: The more relationships you have, the more support you'll get, and the more people you can communicate to your great work to.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, in summary, if you're dealing with a critical or undermining boss, don't focus on winning arguments or defending yourself.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on creating clarity, documenting expectations, building credibility, strengthening relationships and protecting your confidence.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Keep showing that you are meeting the expectations they communicated to you.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: If they are not being clear, keep asking questions until they communicate these expectations clearly.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Clarification questions are a great response to any criticism as long as you keep your tone of voice calm, curious, and professional.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't allow others, including your boss, to put you down without responding.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you do nothing, you are giving them permission to continue this behaviour.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to take a look in the description for additional resources to help you keep difficult or critical bosses happy and to help you get promotion in almost any situation you face.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you have any questions on seven practical ways to respond to a critical boss all the way through to an undermining boss, please email me at support at enhanced.training and I will get back to you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks very much for listening, and I look forward to speaking to you again soon.