Latest / Very Fine Friends / Charlie's Angels 3: I Saw an Alien

Transcript

Charlie's Angels 3: I Saw an Alien · Very Fine Friends

0:00
okay go ahead you can tell me about what were you gonna are you sure you want to hear it because
0:18
it was a dream i do want to hear it okay this happened last night um it's a weird one
0:25
I dreamed that I was with my two
0:27
friends
0:28
me and Joe
0:30
I'm not naming her because
0:33
she's a listener
0:35
and I told her about it she knows
0:37
I dreamed that it was like we were going to a holiday party
0:40
me her and
0:41
someone we used to work with one of our friends
0:43
and she had this adorable
0:45
belt that looked like
0:47
a present ribbon
0:49
I woke up and I was like
0:51
brilliant somebody make this but anyway
0:53
in the dream she was wearing it I was like
0:55
how cute and she was like leaning back kind of laying down a little bit to like
0:59
wait for us to get ready to go and i thought it would be cute to untie it with my mouth
1:04
so i leaned down and i ripped it off and laughed and she was at first like oh and then was like
1:13
you know what no and like gave me like a what for and i was like embarrassed i was like okay
1:20
I'm sorry.
1:20
I understand what I did was wrong,
1:23
but I thought it would be funny.
1:24
And then it just kept being,
1:27
I kept being embarrassed.
1:28
And then,
1:29
so I was like,
1:29
okay,
1:29
I'll be right back.
1:30
And I went inside and I picked up a toy car and I threw it on the ground in
1:33
anger.
1:36
Why was there a toy car on the ground?
1:38
Thank God it was there.
1:40
Yeah.
1:40
It was there just for that.
1:41
Yeah.
1:44
And that was the end of the dream.
1:45
No.
1:46
Oh,
1:47
it got sad.
1:49
So,
1:49
Oh,
1:49
okay.
1:50
Yeah.
1:50
All right, so we can stop it there then.
1:54
Yeah.
1:56
Welcome to Friends Like Us, a podcast where friends talk about stuff.
2:02
I'm Jenna.
2:03
With me, as always, is the enigmatic Francis.
2:07
Hey, babes.
2:08
How are you?
2:09
I'm good.
2:10
Yeah.
2:11
And you?
2:12
Sorry.
2:12
I'm good, too.
2:13
Yeah, I'm fine.
2:14
I can talk.
2:15
I was just trying to remember what...
2:18
I texted you something that I dreamt.
2:22
I don't remember what it was that I texted you,
2:24
but it was pretty funny to me at the time.
2:27
When was this?
2:29
A few days ago.
2:31
I don't know.
2:32
This is really great podcasting.
2:35
Listeners, you're getting for a treat today.
2:39
Well, if I think of it, I'll let you know.
2:42
We got to write things down and bring them with us.
2:44
Because I was sure I was going to tell you something about rabies today.
2:47
About rabies?
2:47
Yeah.
2:48
I'm like, tell Jenna.
2:49
But then.
2:50
Like, Jenna, don't get rabies.
2:52
Yeah.
2:53
It's bad.
2:54
Yeah.
2:54
You know the trend where all the kids are eating Tide Pods a few years ago?
2:57
Yeah.
2:57
Now they're eating rabies.
2:59
Now they're.
3:00
Just.
3:01
Kids, if you're listening and we know you are.
3:06
Don't eat rabies.
3:08
Come on.
3:09
Seriously.
3:10
Eat babies, not rabies.
3:11
That's how the saying goes.
3:13
That is a bumper sticker.
3:13
Yeah.
3:14
It's a good idea.
3:15
I mean, it's funny and informative.
3:18
Yeah, nutritional.
3:19
Yep.
3:20
Babies are protein.
3:22
Yep.
3:23
That's true.
3:24
They're protein.
3:25
And they're young, so they haven't damaged their body yet.
3:28
So it's all good stuff.
3:31
Prime protein.
3:32
Prime protein.
3:34
Yep.
3:35
So just young people just don't eat rabies anymore.
3:39
Yeah.
3:41
Thanks.
3:42
Okay.
3:42
Well, good.
3:43
I think we covered what you were going to say about rabies.
3:45
There it is.
3:45
So you didn't need to write it down.
3:47
Womp.
3:50
Womp.
3:51
There it is.
3:54
Before we get started, regular listeners know our producer Joe gives us each a word to say secretly every week.
4:04
And we try and guess each other's words at the end of the episode.
4:09
And thus far, I've not really been successful.
4:13
but we get points if we manage to slip the word by the other person we get a point if we guess the
4:20
word we get a point i think there are some other variations of points that we get uh if we get the
4:24
other person to say our word that's a point francis has been successful in doing that he's
4:29
got me to do thank you um and also if you go to friends like us pod.com you will see on our
4:38
website we have a running total of the points so uh yeah check it out there but in the meantime
4:45
here is joe with today's secret words jenna's secret word is whiny francis's secret word is
4:54
neighborhoods back to the pod uh francis let's get to our first sex uh segment which is
5:03
the invention of the week.
5:07
Cool.
5:10
Inventions.
5:13
So, what do you got for us?
5:15
I'm riding the heels of a really good one last week.
5:19
I know.
5:20
And I hope you see the value in this.
5:22
Okay, I hope so too.
5:23
Have you ever been out and about?
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Yes.
5:27
Yay.
5:29
And felt heavy.
5:31
like spiritually emotionally or physically physically yes yeah like you don't i don't
5:37
want to go on yeah yeah three flights of stairs and it's like no i live here now
5:42
i live here in between flights one and two i love this well yeah
5:47
yeah we all have yeah life's hard and life's heavy yep um which leads me to a brilliant
5:54
device, also known
5:57
as the helium suit.
6:00
Ooh.
6:01
You can see where this is going.
6:03
Yeah. So you put it on, and it's kind of like Spank,
6:05
so it's not like this big outfit
6:07
that you wear.
6:10
It's tight-fitting,
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but it has tubes of helium.
6:14
And when you get
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to the point when you can't
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go on,
6:18
you turn tabs
6:21
in the suit, and it
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puts the helium throughout the suit,
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to evenly distribute across you
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and to help take some of the weight off.
6:30
How much does it lift you?
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Is it like you're like a floating balloon?
6:36
Yeah, you're buoyant.
6:38
You just feel lighter.
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You're not leaving the ground
6:40
because that would take many balloons.
6:43
But it's enough so that
6:45
the lower back pain you were feeling a minute ago?
6:48
Where'd that go?
6:49
Okay.
6:50
I can see that kind of like
6:52
what you could do specifically
6:54
also just for the top half too so it kind of stretches out your spine a little maybe yeah
6:58
yeah we could have design your suit design your suit your design your helium suit yeah and how
7:05
big do these tubes have to be because they might be unsightly like it let's say you're in a nice
7:10
you know slinky ball gown or something but oh no there are stairs at the ball
7:17
I don't want to walk up these stairs
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so then
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but you don't want to show
7:24
you don't want the tube
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you don't want an elaborate network
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of tubing showing below
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yeah I would say that the tubes
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are evenly distributed
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around you
7:35
and maybe even more on the sides
7:37
so they can disappear
7:40
into your gown
7:40
so they could even look like piping maybe
7:43
yes it could be piping
7:45
and we could even have a line of like helium related objects like even just shoes are you
7:52
going to disneyland um well i mean wouldn't that have to that would be doing more than just lifting
8:00
your feet because you're standing on your feet so that would be your whole body so if you had the
8:04
shoes they'd be doing some serious work yeah yeah yeah okay okay yeah yeah yeah so wouldn't then all
8:15
you need is the shoes?
8:17
No. You need it
8:19
for your whole body? You're not allowed to buy the
8:21
shoes unless you first buy the suit.
8:23
Oh.
8:24
That's a real G-wag situation.
8:27
Don't try and just buy the shoes,
8:29
okay? We have a record of everyone
8:31
that's ever bought a suit.
8:32
You need to send a picture of yourself
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wearing the suit before you're allowed
8:37
to buy the shoes.
8:39
With today's newspaper.
8:40
Yeah, with today's newspaper, so we know it's current.
8:42
Yeah. And it also has to have your name
8:45
stitched in the back of it so you can't wear
8:47
somebody else's suit.
8:49
Yeah, and I don't know if helium's flammable
8:50
so you can't smoke in this. It's very flammable.
8:53
Yes.
8:54
Famously quite flammable.
8:56
I think that was going to be my
8:57
little hitch in your giddy up.
9:01
They used to, I think,
9:03
make blimps with helium.
9:04
Oh, I thought that was hydrogen.
9:07
I think they switched to hydrogen because it was
9:09
less flammable than helium
9:10
and less dangerous, less prone to
9:13
exploding.
9:14
So, but worth it if it makes you, if you can get upstairs a little bit easier.
9:19
Well, there's a explosion mitigation system in every suit.
9:24
An explosion mitigation system?
9:26
Okay, how does that work?
9:27
As soon as the suit detects...
9:30
An explosion?
9:32
An explosion.
9:33
It ejects you out of it.
9:36
Okay.
9:36
so this thing that is skin tight on your body
9:43
completely wrapped around your body yeah will eject you out of this thing i misspoke it
9:52
ejects itself off of you like off and away uh the doctor strange code yeah it's just so it's
10:04
Faster than an explosion.
10:06
That's the mitigation part.
10:08
Okay, what about...
10:09
Are you worried at all?
10:12
Well, there's a layer of clothing over this, too.
10:15
Over this suit, right?
10:16
Because you said it's like Spanx.
10:20
Yes.
10:21
Are you talking about how you'll be totally naked?
10:25
Standing there naked?
10:27
What if it accidentally goes off and you're just in the mall or something?
10:30
and then just like
10:32
your clothes go flying off.
10:36
Don't threaten me with a good time.
10:39
There's worse.
10:39
I mean, you're unexploded
10:41
and you're at the mall.
10:42
There's clothes there.
10:43
What if it accidentally goes off, though?
10:47
What if?
10:49
I mean, how many times
10:50
has your airbag gone off unexpectedly?
10:53
Seven.
10:55
Oh They need our mitigation system yeah hello cars you know that new device you been looking for
11:04
well if you really don't like here's what i was thinking too because i mentioned disneyland
11:12
specifically but they're like famous for like not letting you bring things in that will help you
11:15
have a good time oh really like you wait like what like you can't bring they have these like
11:20
really cool like they're flat circles and they expand into a chair so you could like open it sit
11:25
down and then like reshut it and it's actually pretty small they won't let you have those because
11:30
they don't want like the lines getting longer because people are sitting i don't think it
11:34
makes sense but oh no one asked me uh anyways but so if you couldn't bring it to disneyland we have
11:41
an alternate system um where they just have to install a few miles of cable for us but basically
11:48
you can attach
11:51
little carabiners to your
11:53
outfit
11:55
and it lightly
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pulls you up.
11:58
So it's like you still have to walk.
12:01
Okay.
12:02
No explosions.
12:04
Then is everybody on a track in Disneyland?
12:06
Yeah, but you can get off whenever you want.
12:08
Carabiner.
12:09
Okay, Disneyland, if you're listening and we know that you are,
12:13
then
12:13
please
12:16
start installing this cable now.
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You know what they say.
12:21
The best time to install
12:23
a cable system is 20 years ago.
12:25
The second best time is now.
12:27
It's yesterday. The third best time is now.
12:30
Yes.
12:30
Yeah.
12:32
Quick editor's note.
12:34
I feel stupid, but it's
12:36
the other way around. Helium is...
12:38
Dang it!
12:39
Hydrogen is what the Hindenburg was...
12:42
I knew I was safe.
12:44
Helium's still pretty flammable, though.
12:45
helium is an inert gas.
12:47
No, it's flammable.
12:49
No, no, no.
12:50
Because we need our mitigation system on this.
12:52
We'll still put it in.
12:53
Helium, if you're listening.
12:55
No, no, no.
12:57
I've decided this is now made of hydrogen.
13:02
Because I want all this to still exist.
13:05
I want to be in the mall
13:06
and see people's clothes flying off their bodies.
13:10
That is a fear of mine, by the way.
13:11
just being somewhere randomly and my clothes
13:14
like bursting off
13:16
into full nudity
13:18
anyway
13:23
well
13:24
thank god
13:26
we don't have the suit yet
13:29
that won't happen to you
13:30
so
13:34
okay so this hydrogen filled suit
13:35
okay we'll have a line of gas suits
13:43
this does seem like it's primarily mostly helpful at disneyland
13:49
um yeah that's when people would mostly use it mall of america hiking renaissance festival
13:56
runners yeah would that be cheating that would be the new scandal we could be involved in a new
14:04
scandal. Oh, I've always wanted to be
14:06
involved in a scandal. Me too.
14:09
I can't
14:09
wait for our hydrogen suit
14:11
to sweep the world of running.
14:13
Are you really trying to make this so interesting?
14:15
Full pivot. Helium's out.
14:18
Yeah. New legislation. Helium's
14:20
illegal.
14:22
Um.
14:24
And now I hate helium for tricking me into
14:26
thinking it was flammable.
14:27
Well, it's the H. Don't be on
14:30
two gases. I know, you
14:32
idiot. Yeah.
14:33
Stupid letter H.
14:35
Moron.
14:37
Two lines and another line.
14:39
Yeah.
14:41
Just all be, just be, if you're going to be three lines, be all parallel to each other.
14:46
I bet you we could go through every word in the English dictionary and find a way to say the word without the letter H.
14:53
H is basically a nothing letter.
14:55
It's like a no sound.
14:57
It should be G.
15:00
It should be G.
15:02
Yeah.
15:02
You hear that?
15:04
All right.
15:04
So this new Gilliam suit.
15:08
We're going to be floating in this Gilliam suit.
15:13
You bring me joy.
15:14
Thank you.
15:16
What if, okay.
15:17
What if somebody took their suit and they put it on someone smaller than them and made them float away?
15:24
Like what if you were like, I really hate my baby.
15:30
My high protein baby.
15:32
oh no youths are coming for my baby
15:34
quick get in the suit
15:36
so I could
15:37
what's that Egypt thing where you put him in the river
15:40
I think that's it
15:42
like in a basket in the river
15:44
baby in a basket baby in the sky
15:46
baby in the sky
15:48
yeah
15:48
baby in the sky
15:51
with galium
15:53
I say again what if
15:55
yeah that sounds like
15:57
a feature if you're trying to save your baby
16:00
Yeah.
16:01
I know.
16:01
We just saved so many babies' lives.
16:04
From ravenous, rabid children.
16:05
Yep.
16:06
Which, to be fair, we did recommend those children.
16:09
Try and get those babies.
16:11
Children, clarification, youths out there, only get babies that want to be eaten.
16:18
How will they tell them?
16:19
The babies will have a little sign around their neck that says, eat me.
16:28
Pretty clear.
16:30
I mean.
16:30
Yeah, that's a DNR and forcible fibers.
16:35
And you're a lawyer.
16:36
So, as we've established.
16:39
Oh, I'm triple bar certified.
16:41
Yep.
16:41
That's how the letter H should be.
16:44
Triple bars.
16:45
Not one stupid perpendicular one right in the middle.
16:48
Yeah.
16:49
Idiot.
16:50
God, H is so dumb.
16:52
Yeah, H is dumb and I'm a barrister.
16:54
Yep.
16:57
Is there another word for lawyer?
17:00
You're going to put Esquire after your name?
17:02
Oh, um.
17:04
Isn't Esquire?
17:05
Esquire.
17:05
I just think horse.
17:06
I know what's wrong.
17:08
You think horse for Esquire?
17:10
Yeah.
17:11
Like equine?
17:12
Yeah.
17:14
You don't think of the magazine Esquire?
17:16
Is that about horses?
17:18
No, I think it's about gentlemen.
17:20
How do I not know about this?
17:21
I don't know.
17:22
Yeah, it's like GQ.
17:24
Yeah, it's a GQ type.
17:26
Oh.
17:26
I don't know if it still exists in any kind of form.
17:28
it does still exist
17:30
if not let's
17:32
we'll have to inquire about the esquire
17:35
yeah and then we'll make it about
17:37
fancy horses
17:38
little horse in a suit
17:40
yeah
17:42
the horses ride us
17:45
lengthy waiver
17:48
and you will probably die
17:50
but you're wearing the helium suit so it doesn't feel that bad
17:53
you're wearing the gillium suit
17:55
um
17:56
uh
17:57
So is this called the helium suit or do you have another name for it?
18:02
I was thinking, um, step up, but.
18:08
Helium suit really can phase the message.
18:11
It does.
18:12
It's pretty, pretty straightforward.
18:16
Happy birthday.
18:18
Is that allowed?
18:21
What, saying happy birthday?
18:22
No, like, because, you know, someone owns happy birthday.
18:27
I don't...
18:30
I think the rights to that are now
18:32
back in the public domain.
18:34
Good.
18:35
It was some broad that owned it.
18:37
Or two sisters or something like that
18:39
back in the day.
18:40
But that was the song.
18:41
Yeah.
18:42
I don't know the words, happy birthday.
18:45
I think they're fair use.
18:46
Safe?
18:47
Yeah, I think they're safe.
18:48
But I don't understand why we're saying
18:50
happy birthday with the helium suit.
18:52
Because people get balloons for their birthday
18:54
and balloons of helium and...
18:55
Oh, and then also when your clothes get blown off, you're in your birthday suit.
18:59
Yes!
19:00
Quick thinking, Jay.
19:02
We're still going to have the mitigation anti-explosion measures in there.
19:06
Of course, in case someone accidentally fills it with...
19:08
Someone like me?
19:10
Gydrogen.
19:11
Gydrogen?
19:14
Gydrogen.
19:17
Okay.
19:18
Helium suit.
19:20
This is another one of those that I want to see how this works.
19:24
Okay.
19:24
I'll model it for you.
19:26
Thank you.
19:27
Just don't put a flame next to me.
19:30
No.
19:31
Happy birthday to Jenna.
19:34
For instance, his clothes blown right off.
19:37
I refuse to be embarrassed in your home.
19:39
It's not an embarrassing thing.
19:42
It's nature.
19:43
It's nature.
19:43
Look at me.
19:44
Yeah.
19:45
Yeah.
19:46
I was millions of years in the making.
19:51
I just realized how sexy I am.
19:54
yeah
19:56
oh
19:59
a lot going on over here
20:01
yep
20:01
listeners at home you missed a nice nipple pinch
20:05
just then
20:06
yeah
20:07
they'll hear it, it'll come through
20:09
I should have reacted audibly
20:10
that's okay, it's better that you didn't
20:13
it's better to leave it in the minds of the
20:15
the listener, the imagination
20:17
yeah
20:18
then you can
20:19
put in any sound you want
20:23
in your own head
20:24
all right um i think that wraps up the invention of the week
20:31
and now to our next segment role play
20:38
hey there hottie you want to do some role play
20:44
cool i have a couple of ideas for you i was gonna let you choose
20:50
Oh, okay.
20:52
Scenario one.
20:53
Is this, are we already role-playing?
20:55
You get to choose ideas?
20:57
Okay, go ahead.
20:57
Sorry.
20:58
No, maybe.
20:59
I don't know.
21:01
Role-play option one.
21:02
Okay.
21:03
You have started a new position, but the details of the job are very vague, and you can't seem
21:08
to understand what you're doing there.
21:11
Okay.
21:11
Okay, that's scenario one.
21:13
Okay.
21:13
scenario two is
21:16
you are
21:17
in a relationship with someone
21:20
who is
21:21
a doomsday prepper
21:23
and you didn't realize how bad
21:26
it was like it happened over time
21:28
and now you're like suddenly in a full
21:30
blown relationship with a doomsday
21:32
prepper
21:32
okay
21:35
that's it
21:37
I think they're both
21:40
good scenarios
21:41
they're very real
21:43
if they happen to you
21:45
yeah
21:46
okay
21:47
yeah
21:48
yeah
21:48
uh
21:50
let's do
21:52
scenario number two doomsday prep yep to stay prep Yep Okay Perfect Hey um hon
22:03
Yes.
22:03
Uh, why are there 300-gallon-sized cans of tomato paste where my car used to be?
22:15
Oh, I know.
22:17
I can only get a few.
22:20
Wait, wait.
22:21
300 is a few to you?
22:23
I'm sorry.
22:24
Failed you as a man and a husband.
22:26
No, no, no.
22:28
Why do we need even one?
22:31
That's a lot of tomato sauce.
22:34
One gallon is a lot of tomato sauce for two people.
22:37
Why do we need 300?
22:39
Well, it's 200 people.
22:42
I mean, two people for forever.
22:47
This tomato sauce is not going to last as long as you think.
22:49
We're going to run out.
22:50
Well, why can't we just buy it as we need it?
22:57
What?
23:00
Gerald, I know that look.
23:03
I just, I don't understand the question.
23:06
Buy it as we need it.
23:07
It won't be available.
23:08
Why?
23:08
You think they're going to be manufacturing this stuff in five years?
23:11
Yeah.
23:11
When the plants are gone?
23:13
What's happening to the plants?
23:14
What are you talking about?
23:15
What do you mean?
23:16
They've been totally irradiated.
23:18
The world is a pit of radiation.
23:20
The tomatoes are gone.
23:22
Wait.
23:24
I'm sorry.
23:25
What hypothetical are you?
23:27
Hypothetical?
23:28
Yeah.
23:31
What?
23:32
I.
23:34
I don't understand.
23:35
What?
23:36
Yeah.
23:36
What hypothetical is this?
23:37
Where the plants are.
23:38
I'll play your little game.
23:40
Hypothetically.
23:43
Yes.
23:43
Go on.
23:45
They drop the bombs.
23:47
Hypothetically.
23:49
Everyone you know and love is dead.
23:51
Hypothetically, it's you and me, a la Blast from the Past.
23:57
That Brendan Fraser or Lisa Silverstone movie?
24:00
You mean documentary?
24:02
Yeah.
24:03
But didn't...
24:05
Wait, wait, honey, in that movie,
24:07
Brendan Fraser's character came out of a bunker to realize everything was fine.
24:12
That's what they want you to think.
24:14
The government cooked up that ending.
24:16
So you're saying blast from the past is government propaganda?
24:20
The end?
24:21
The beginning is good people trying to get out a good message.
24:24
Let's not fight.
24:25
I love you.
24:26
Okay, I love you too.
24:30
This is an irrational way to live, honey.
24:32
I mean, look, you just started digging a hole in the backyard for a pool, right?
24:41
You're installing a pool in our backyard?
24:43
That's what that giant hole is for?
24:45
A pool?
24:47
Right. I mean, that's the actions of someone who's looking forward to the future.
24:51
Oh. Would that help you stay in love if it was a pool? Because...
24:58
Wait, what was it for? I just assumed it was for a pool.
25:02
No, come with me. Get the lantern.
25:05
Okay.
25:05
Turn it on.
25:07
Yeah.
25:07
Okay, let's go down.
25:08
Also, why do we have 400 kerosene lanterns?
25:12
They break so easy when you're scared and drop them.
25:17
Okay.
25:18
All right.
25:18
We can come back to that.
25:19
Neighbors in other towns will steal them.
25:22
Torches are primo.
25:25
Primo.
25:26
Okay.
25:26
So this scenario, we have neighbors, which means not everything's eradicated.
25:31
Well, they're freaks.
25:33
What does that mean?
25:34
They've got problems from-
25:37
The radiation?
25:38
Yeah.
25:38
Yeah, they've got gross things.
25:42
Like an extra arm coming out of their forehead or something?
25:45
Grosser.
25:46
Grosser than that?
25:47
Yeah, they've got more teeth.
25:53
Like in places they shouldn't be or just like an extra row like shark?
25:57
No, crowding in the mouth.
26:00
That's grosser to you than one, like a third arm coming out of their forehead?
26:05
That I could forgive.
26:07
That's an extra torch holding arm.
26:08
That's a good neighbor.
26:12
That you can forgive?
26:13
You can't forget extra teeth?
26:15
Yeah.
26:16
All right.
26:16
You don't understand how important torches are to me.
26:18
We have more torches than toilet paper.
26:19
I'll just say that.
26:21
Wait, no.
26:21
Toilet paper makes more sense to store.
26:24
Why aren't you?
26:25
No.
26:27
Because Costco wants you to buy the toilet paper.
26:31
It's another conspiracy.
26:33
You can clean with anything.
26:36
You can clean with dirt.
26:40
So in this hypothetical
26:41
doomsday scenario
26:44
It's not hypothetical, too.
26:46
Okay.
26:47
Yeah.
26:48
You want us
26:49
Me where I am.
26:49
You want us
26:51
to have
26:52
lanterns galore
26:54
because torches will be
26:56
some kind of currency
26:57
in this post-apocalyptic world.
27:00
Yeah.
27:00
But we'll be wiping with dirt
27:02
in our
27:04
Yeah.
27:05
for wiping it all.
27:07
Well, this is a much deeper hole than I thought.
27:09
We're finally at the bottom.
27:12
Yeah, look around.
27:13
Look, I built this for you.
27:15
A gym, a post office.
27:18
Oh my god.
27:19
We can mail each other letters.
27:20
There's a TCBY down here.
27:22
I know.
27:23
I got it on discount because it was closed down at the mall.
27:27
There are employees.
27:29
For now.
27:31
They gotta earn their keep.
27:32
this is a vast
27:35
network
27:36
look there's an ATM
27:37
oh we're gonna need money
27:39
or is it just oh does it dispense lanterns
27:42
because that's the currency in the future
27:43
I'm working out the specifics
27:46
I don't know
27:48
I gotta say honey this is actually quite impressive
27:51
you're impressed
27:51
you're turned on
27:53
doesn't have to be about that
27:56
okay
27:57
two things can be true at once
27:59
at first I thought you were just being
28:02
a little bit whiny about the apocalypse.
28:04
But now I see you
28:06
did some pretty good
28:07
planning here.
28:09
Alright.
28:11
Why can't you put this to you? How are you unemployed still?
28:14
I don't have time for a job!
28:16
Look at what I just did!
28:19
Also, people don't take this
28:20
seriously on a resume, just so you know.
28:22
They don't take doomsday prepping as a...
28:24
No. I mean, I called it like ten different
28:26
things. They don't care.
28:27
What other names have you given it?
28:31
Eventuality
28:31
mitigation sequence operations
28:34
analyst and director?
28:36
That sounds pretty good.
28:38
Well, they laughed me out of the room.
28:40
Who?
28:41
Who laughed you out of the room?
28:43
The resume people.
28:44
Oh.
28:45
Yeah.
28:46
I'm not a fool in this economy.
28:48
Well, it looks like TCBY is hiring.
28:52
Do you think
28:53
they'd hire me?
28:56
I think you built it.
28:57
I bet you could be
28:58
manager.
29:00
You're the god of TCBY as far as they're concerned.
29:04
Thanks.
29:05
All right.
29:07
Maybe later.
29:09
See, I knew it.
29:10
You didn't really want a job.
29:11
Oh, come on!
29:12
I knew it.
29:13
Work sucks!
29:17
All right, I think I understand now exactly what it would be like to be in a relationship with a doomsday prepper.
29:24
Oh, yeah, yeah.
29:25
That came straight from a Prime Video mockumentary.
29:29
by McChie.
29:32
He's so prolific.
29:33
Yeah, he does a lot.
29:34
Charlie's Angels.
29:35
I know.
29:35
Yeah.
29:36
Charlie's Angels 2 Full Throttle.
29:37
Oh, Full Throttle.
29:38
Oh, funny title.
29:40
Yep.
29:41
Funny movie.
29:42
Who's your favorite
29:42
Charlie's Angels, by the way?
29:46
Which angel's my favorite angel?
29:49
Drew Barrymore.
29:50
Drew Barrymore.
29:51
Ugh, love Drew.
29:52
Yeah.
29:53
I always liked her.
29:54
Yeah.
29:54
Drew, if you're listening,
29:55
send us a signed poster
29:57
of Charlie's Angels 2 Full Throttle.
29:59
I thought you were going to say, send us a sign.
30:01
I know.
30:02
The sign is she's going to text me later
30:05
and be like, that was hilarious.
30:07
I saw an alien.
30:08
It's Drew.
30:10
Wait, what?
30:11
E.T.
30:12
Oh.
30:13
I thought you were still talking Charlie's Angels
30:15
and I was like, I don't remember that part.
30:17
Charlie's Angels 3.
30:19
I saw an alien.
30:21
Drew.
30:23
It's Drew.
30:24
It's true, Drew.
30:27
Um, all right.
30:29
Well, that was really, really realistic.
30:30
And I now know what that scenario will be like if that ever happens to me.
30:36
Yeah.
30:36
Can I just say one thing?
30:37
Sure.
30:39
I don't want to live in an apocalypse.
30:44
Oh, okay.
30:46
Okay.
30:46
Thank you for adding that clarifying.
30:48
I don't know why people want, like, they always talk about what they would do.
30:50
I'm like, I would die.
30:51
I don't want to live somewhere where your money's gone.
30:54
Your neighborhoods are gone.
30:55
Your jobs are gone.
30:56
I know.
30:57
you have to like forage for things and forage is a cute word for being starving in a bush
31:05
yeah it is it's a fun little euphemism for forging
31:10
um forging
31:15
i'm hunting i'm gathering i hate this um well it sounds like you won't have to worry about that
31:25
because you've built a whole civilization.
31:27
But I wouldn't want to be in there.
31:29
You wouldn't?
31:30
No, because I like stuff.
31:33
But it sounds like you provided a decent amount of stuff.
31:36
More.
31:37
It's never enough.
31:38
Yeah.
31:40
All right.
31:41
Well, make sure to kill you.
31:43
Yeah, I'll kill you.
31:43
Thanks.
31:44
You're welcome.
31:45
You'll feel the cock in there now.
31:47
Yes, you'll, yeah.
31:49
Yes.
31:50
Uh-huh.
31:50
Death by.
31:51
Yes.
31:52
Perfect.
31:52
All right.
31:53
Well, I think that wraps up a very successful
31:56
Roleplay
31:59
Alright, it's time
32:05
For our final segment
32:06
The Big Question
32:09
The question is very big
32:13
We have a question submitted to us
32:17
By a listener
32:19
Joe, would you like to read the question?
32:22
Oh, I sure would, Jenna.
32:24
Thank you.
32:24
And if you would like to submit a question for the big question, email us at friendslikeusofficial at gmail.com.
32:34
And we will take your big question on our podcast.
32:38
All right, Joe, hit us.
32:40
All right.
32:41
This question is from Mary in Phoenix.
32:45
Sup, Flew?
32:45
Big fan of the pod.
32:46
Long-time listener.
32:48
First-time questioner.
32:49
Here's my big question.
32:50
you spend a perfect three days at your dream music festival all your favorite bands even if they broken up or dead are all playing your favorite songs in any location of your choice Free admission for you and your friends
33:02
Perfect weather guaranteed.
33:04
Unlimited amounts of food, drinks, drugs,
33:06
whatever you desire are provided and free.
33:09
However, you have the song Ballroom Blitz by Sweet
33:14
stuck in your head all day, every single day,
33:16
for eight years following the festival.
33:18
is the perfect music festival worth it
33:21
oh that's the ballroom blitz
33:26
ballroom blitz
33:28
um i well okay
33:32
that wouldn't bug me so much for a few days
33:37
but anything all day every day for eight years
33:41
would probably make you go insane
33:44
yeah i don't think there's any band or lineup that i care enough about it's like i could just
33:54
go on amazon or like spotify or like apple music or whatever and hear whatever i want to hear like
34:03
nothing's so good that i'm gonna pay for it for eight years
34:09
yeah uh is there an amount of time that you would be okay with it because i'm thinking like
34:15
yeah i eight years is too long so no would be my answer to that question um it would be more like
34:24
if you got something you really want like if you got a wish granted like here's the price i'd be
34:28
like yeah fine but no not for this yeah not for the perfect they never play what you want them
34:39
to play anyway.
34:39
Well, that's what
34:40
in the question,
34:42
it does say they play
34:43
all your favorite bands
34:44
playing all the songs
34:44
that you love.
34:45
Oh, I'm a bad listener.
34:46
Yeah, you really are.
34:48
Yeah.
34:49
I should go
34:50
be apocalypsed.
34:53
All right.
34:54
I'll get my gun.
34:58
Well, here's a question, though.
35:00
Let's take the consequence
35:01
out of it.
35:02
What would be something
35:03
that would make
35:04
a music festival
35:04
perfect for you?
35:07
Like, I have something
35:07
in mind.
35:09
Gilliam suits.
35:12
I have something in mind.
35:14
What is it?
35:18
If you never had to go to the bathroom.
35:21
The worst is when you're like in a situation, especially outdoors, all day long.
35:26
And it's like you're like, I got to pee.
35:29
And then there's lines and you're uncomfortable.
35:31
And it's just like, if you could just remove the ever needing to pee thing.
35:38
I don't agree.
35:39
You like it?
35:39
I just love it.
35:41
God, the relief.
35:42
You like going to like a porta potty or...
35:45
Porta potty?
35:45
I want neighbors.
35:47
I want a full stall and it's like a walk up and go, hi.
35:50
Well, no, I know.
35:51
But I mean, like musical...
35:52
Music festivals, they don't have that normally.
35:57
Oh, like, okay.
35:58
You got to like pay for the VIP to get like a slightly bigger, better version of a porta potty, essentially.
36:05
um but i but then also it's like then you're like trudging all over and it's like
36:13
maybe if i was popular that would be my thing like if i felt like the star of the music festival
36:19
and everyone was like everywhere i went they were like whoa get up here come up front
36:25
and the band was like is that francis come pee on stage yeah you don't have to go to a port-a-potty
36:31
here.
36:33
Would you ever want to be on stage with a band
36:35
while they were doing their
36:37
band things?
36:39
And people were looking at me? Yeah.
36:42
I don't know.
36:44
If that was beloved.
36:46
If you were beloved. I don't want to be
36:47
in front of people who are making a first time opinion about me.
36:50
I want to step onto a stage where I'm already
36:51
loved. Yeah. What if that's
36:53
what makes them beloved you?
36:55
Yeah, if this is a gateway to beloveding
36:57
Francis. What if I step
36:59
out and all I say is, I am beloved!
37:01
And everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:04
Yeah, oh.
37:05
Did you see that beloved guy?
37:06
I love him.
37:07
He looks really beloved.
37:08
Yeah, maybe.
37:09
I heard someone say he's beloved.
37:11
Yeah, I'm saying it now.
37:12
Whoa.
37:16
I heard him say he's beloved.
37:21
Okay, so we both agree the answer to this question is.
37:26
Here's my one question, listener.
37:28
um how annoying is it because i tell you right now i have things in my head every day from like
37:34
10 years ago i don't it's not like all day but i'm constantly like yeah replaying tiktok sounds
37:39
that were famous or something or like there used to be these like series of bird videos where the
37:45
bird would like they would like kiss their bird and the bird was like thank you baby like parrots
37:51
and so like i think about that all the time so like that doesn't bother me but if it was the same
37:56
thing constantly and you could because like in that scenario you're getting different things
38:01
you've got a mix there's a variety of things that are like i'm with you i get
38:05
shit running through my head all the time sounds like you need some dirt
38:09
yes very good um no but yeah but there's a variety it's kind of like on shuffle
38:19
you know yeah sometimes you get something that's a little more prominent but then you forget about it
38:24
like the other day what was I singing
38:26
I kept singing a song over and over again
38:28
I don't even remember what it was now
38:30
so I have that relief
38:32
I guess
38:34
also I only know
38:39
that part of the song I think
38:40
that's all you need
38:41
is that the song
38:46
oh it sounds so dumb right now
38:47
is that the song in Garth Brooks
38:50
I know exactly what you were going to say
38:51
yes in Wayne's world
38:53
Yes.
38:53
Good Lord.
38:54
It's one of the songs that Cassandra's band covers.
38:58
Okay.
38:58
Which is so funny because like, I feel a little bit cheated.
39:03
Like they're talking about this band as being like, oh, they're so great.
39:06
They're so amazing.
39:06
And like, she's going to get a record contract.
39:08
They're just a cover band.
39:11
As a kid, I didn't know like the songs that they were playing.
39:15
So like, I didn't know they were covers.
39:17
Yeah, I beloved this.
39:19
Yeah, Cassandra's beloved.
39:21
Get her on stage.
39:23
But why would anyone give a cover band a record contract?
39:27
They wouldn't.
39:28
What if the producers were just really bad and didn't know?
39:33
They were like, these are hits.
39:37
Hit after hit.
39:38
Wow, happy birthday.
39:40
Amazing.
39:43
I bet there were two sisters back in the early 1900s that wrote that.
39:50
I bet this is current.
39:53
I feel like one of the sisters' name is Clara.
39:56
Is that true?
39:57
I don't know.
39:59
This might be a helium-hydrogen thing where I just have these facts in my head that aren't correct.
40:03
Or they are correct.
40:04
I still believe helium is not inert.
40:06
I think it's very inert.
40:07
It's your right to believe that.
40:08
I support that.
40:09
Thank you.
40:10
Thank you.
40:10
Yeah.
40:13
I think our producer Joe is sourcing this right now.
40:17
Yeah, so take this time to realize.
40:19
If you or someone you know has been hurt by helium.
40:21
first appeared in print as the final four lines of edith goodyear alder's poem
40:27
roy's birthday wait read that on pod read that on mike i mean happy birthday to you or simply
40:35
happy birthday is an american song yeah oh the melody of happy birthday to you comes from the
40:42
song good morning to all which has typically been attributed to american sisters patty and
40:46
Mildred Hill in 1893.
40:49
Hattie and Mildred Hill.
40:50
When you put those together, you get one Claire.
40:52
Yeah, Clara, yeah.
40:55
That's very clarifying.
40:57
That was so stupid.
40:59
Oh, no, I'm not beloved anymore.
41:01
No, stop, stop.
41:03
Hurry, blow up your suit.
41:06
Alright, well,
41:07
I think the answer is
41:09
no. Eight years is
41:10
too much.
41:14
But thank you for the big question,
41:15
and Mary and Phoenix.
41:16
I guarantee you
41:17
we'll be on our heads
41:17
for the rest of the day.
41:18
Oh no,
41:19
for eight years.
41:20
We'll be...
41:21
The man in the back.
41:24
Glitten is...
41:25
That's all I...
41:28
That's...
41:28
Somebody give me
41:29
a record contract.
41:30
I'm covering a cover.
41:31
This is a pretty sure.
41:32
We have one last thing to do.
41:34
Oh, well,
41:35
yes, let's...
41:36
That wraps up
41:37
the big question.
41:38
The big question.
41:39
And we do have
41:40
one last thing to do.
41:42
I told you.
41:43
I know you...
41:44
You did tell me.
41:45
You just told me
41:45
a scoach too early.
41:47
A scoach.
41:49
It's the secret words.
41:52
Yes, it is.
41:53
Did you say your word?
41:54
I said my word.
41:55
Did you say your word?
41:55
I did.
41:58
Okay.
41:58
Do you have a guess as to my word?
42:02
Is your word
42:03
bathroom
42:06
or porta potty?
42:09
No.
42:10
Thank goodness.
42:11
Those came up organically.
42:13
Okay.
42:13
Did you say it in the beginning or the end?
42:16
I said it during roleplay
42:18
You both said it during roleplay
42:20
Oh no!
42:21
Oh no, you said your word during roleplay?
42:23
Yeah, I thought you were trying to say that
42:24
She got me to say it
42:25
No, I wish
42:27
Neither of you said the other word
42:29
But you both said your word
42:30
Okay, shoot
42:31
We both said the words during roleplay
42:33
I know what mine is
42:35
Three minutes after that
42:36
Whoa
42:38
Okay, well I was going to guess that your word was beloved
42:41
And then I was worried
42:43
because I said beloved a bunch of times after that.
42:47
So you'd been racking up the point.
42:49
Yeah.
42:49
Point, point, point.
42:50
Nope, it wasn't beloved.
42:54
Was it lantern?
42:56
No.
42:57
Torch?
42:58
No.
42:59
Ugh.
43:00
All right.
43:01
Thanks, though.
43:02
You're welcome.
43:03
For listening to my words.
43:05
I'll disclose my word now.
43:07
It is neighborhoods.
43:11
Neighborhoods.
43:13
Oh.
43:13
Yeah.
43:14
Because you, yeah.
43:16
You like neighborhoods?
43:18
No, it doesn't, yeah.
43:19
Yeah.
43:20
And you?
43:21
My word was whiny.
43:23
Wow, that's an easy one to slip in.
43:25
Yeah.
43:25
I said you were being all whiny about the apocalypse.
43:28
I was.
43:29
Yeah.
43:30
Well, no points today, listeners.
43:33
Francis, you want to take us out with a bird kiss?
43:37
Love you, baby.
43:40
Bye.
43:43
We'll see you next time.