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Ask Grandma Anything: Confidence & New Experiences · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This episode is brought to you by Prime. Obsession is in session, and this summer, Prime originals have everything you want. Steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Off Campus, Elle, Every Year After, The Love Hypothesis, Sterling Point, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen.
• 0:25
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• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohosts.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Grandma Gail.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: You might be able to tell we are outside in Palm Beach right now. Grandma and I love to take walks together. So today, we're gonna walk on the lake trail and we're going to answer some of the questions you guys wrote in on Instagram all about confidence and going into new experiences whether it's a job or a relationship and we're gonna give our advice.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Okay, Kim. We're ready. My hair is not gonna be so good but we're gonna be walking and talking.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: It is pretty windy and we're gonna need some confidence ourselves today because we have our own speaking engagement down here at Play For Pink.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: At one of the local clubs down here to raise awareness about breast cancer.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Yep. And I feel like going into a speaking engagement, some people get nervous, some people wanna really boost their confidence. How are you feeling?
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm I'm always confident.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty chill about it too. But They're all wonderful people and it's a
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: great cause, so it will be good.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: We also asked you guys what your favorite part of the podcast was and a lot of people said the Ask Grandma Anything segment. So today we'll just be answering questions and that is all. Oh my gosh, Kim. Lot of pressure. Okay.
• 1:56
  And before we start walking, let us know after you listen in the comments whether you liked the show and this new format and read us five stars while you're at it. We're gonna get hit by a bike. Okay let's start walking.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Okay ready Kim.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Okay question number one. Someone said, I feel very lost trying to find my personal style and also stay financially responsible. How can I try new things without breaking my bank?
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Well, this is something that, you know, you always talk about yourself. I think you have to look within your closet for a basic piece if we're talking about feeling confident how you're dressing and then perhaps either borrow an article from one of your friends that you really love and they would like to put with your basic piece
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: or your mom or grandma
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: or sister or whatever or go into a store and perhaps purchase this is a perfect time of year to purchase something new because everything in January is basically like 50 or 60 off so this is the time to do that little sale shopping and maybe pick up some little cute little tops that you wouldn't normally have picked up.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: I also didn't like, I realized this kind of this year, you don't need seven black tops. Correct. You need like one or two black tops that will go with whatever outfit you need And with every category, you don't need 10 pairs of, I don't know, Capri pants. Like, having one that you really like.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: That you really like. Exactly. In basic black or white or beige.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: I also think when figuring out your personal style, I love playing on Pinterest. I have Pinterest boards for everything. So I feel like I have one for like winter outfit vibes. And you kind of figure out what your personal style is as you're playing along on those. I feel like similarly, Grandma was probably like how you might have felt flipping through a magazine or something and getting inspiration.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Correct. But just remember everybody has different body types and everybody don't don't look at the model in the magazine or whatever and and think that's how you're gonna look at it. Remember you could be too tall, too short, too whatever. So get your own personal style. Don't copy completely what somebody else is wearing.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Something I still have to work on is editing because I think that will help a lot too. This is totally something I struggle with in, like, picking out my outfit. Obviously, grandma's always, like, here helping me because I feel like there's a lot in my closet, but nothing I gravitate towards.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: You have to put things together. I've told you this very often. Put your tops together that you like with specific pants so that it doesn't take you an hour looking through all the piles of sweaters and and the different shirts. You know immediately what goes with what. And if you keep it together, even with the shoe underneath it, it could be really save time.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: As we're walking here, there's a lot of obstacles. There's bikers, there's walkers, there's runners. The Lake Trail is one of my favorite parts of Palm Beach.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: And you know what happened? We had two days of freezing cold weather, so now people are outside again. They're so happy. So even if it's a little bit windy and stuff people don't care they're happy to be outside.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah but it's so nice to have this like Oh it's beautiful. By the water and just sort of like one path that you can kind of look at houses and the boats and all the things. I wish they had that kind of thing in Oh, New a park. We have a park. And the West Side Highway and things like that.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: We have things but you know it's different. You have a southern look and a winter look and a northern look. Yeah. They're both beautiful.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, next question. I always want to go meet new people and try new things but at the last minute I back out because I'm scared of feeling awkward or out of place. How do you get over these kind of fears?
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Well I think practice makes perfect. Start in a small way perhaps go to a little place where, you have a friend meeting you and that's a little different or out of the way and practice, you know, how to open a conversation with that friend that might not be, you know, a normal conversation. Talk about something that's a little different and get comfortable with yourself. Don't worry about it. Everybody feels the same way when they're going into a new situation.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Also like everyone's more worried about themselves than So everyone even though it feels like oh, everyone is looking at me that I'm by myself at this party And disapproving. And it's definitely not Nobody's
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: even thinking about anybody. They're thinking about their own outfit.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: But I totally have this. And I'm lucky actually because I feel like as I've been putting myself out there more as a content creator, more people recognize me. So a few parties I've gone to recently where I didn't wanna go alone because I didn't know a lot of people, people just came up to me because they knew me. And I was like, oh, wow. The world's actually smaller than you think.
• 6:40
  And people want to talk to you. And even I know this is like a specific situation that I'm in, but I think having a mindset of like, people will come talk to you or you should go up to somebody else. Right. Just remember like, what would Grandma Gail do? And I think you would be pretty social at a party.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I would I would try.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I also feel like going to these events and networking, even if it's by yourself, like, the more you put yourself out there, even if it's awkward in the moment, I feel like the payoff always feels really good after. So thinking about that afterward, like whether you're gonna be happy you made some new connections for work or that you had a social night instead of sitting by yourself on the couch, like it always feels better after. And if for some reason it was like the most awkward thing ever, go home and do something after that you really like to do. Like, I don't know.
• 7:31
  Put your your on. Yeah. Watch TV. Okay. We're popping a squat to take a little walking break.
• 7:37
  When you take walks though for exercise, how often are you walking?
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: I'm walking but I mean
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: how far?
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: I don't not that
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: far not that far a few blocks. Between appointments?
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: No I like to walk in the city because I sort of wander but it's not at the same pace that you and I are walking now.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Okay we can walk little slower. Sort of lounge while I'm walking. Yeah. And you take phone calls and then you stop in the middle of the phone call. Correct.
• 8:00
  You're definitely the kind of person who can't multitask when you're on a phone call, like you have to stop and I have concentrate. I have
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: to concentrate.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I feel like I like to do it on the go and like two birds, one stone kind of thing.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Next
• 8:14
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• 8:33
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• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Question, Kim.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I was invited to speak at an event, but I almost said no because I'm scared of being bad at public speaking or people judging me. How can I motivate myself to feel confident?
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I think you can't go into it just a cold turkey. You you should be doing some kind of speaking either at your school or your church or your synagogue or wherever you might be and so you do it in small doses before you go up in front of a big audience. You know we we talk all the time but we are usually talking one on one or with one other person and that builds your confidence to go in front of a larger group. We're now used to it but most people when they're speaking they need to build their confidence and go slow in everything you do start small and then progressively go up. It would be more disheartening if you get before a large audience and freeze so try practicing either in front of relatives or in front of your office staff or whoever is working with you and see how it goes and let them critique it and tell you what they liked and what they didn't like.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: See for me it's not about the size of the audience, it's actually about the stakes of the opportunity. So for instance I would feel very comfortable. Let's we're going to the country club later today for this charity event. It feels like that's a chill no one is judging me that, like, they're gonna give me a job opportunity or something like that. Of course, you're always presenting yourself, and that's nerve wracking.
• 10:02
  But I could talk to 10,000 people at that capacity and not be nervous. I have done small group presentations, but for instance, it's in front of brands who may wanna hire me, my agents who I might wanna work with, smaller things like that within my industry that I've been really, really nervous for, even if it's five people because it feels like the stakes are higher. Right. Even sometimes on Zoom calls with new people, I get really anxious because it's like a new person, I don't know what to expect. And I think a lot of the time it's like that unexpected and that pre anxiety.
• 10:36
  But as you're kinda saying, the more you do something
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: The more you feel comfortable with it. And and I don't think you should, you know, worry about it. I mean, you get better each time you do it. So if the first one wasn't that terrific, by the second or third time, you will feel more at ease and the subject will come across much better to the to your audience.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. Next one. I say yes to everything with my friends because I'm scared of missing out, but I'm feeling exhausted and kind of burning out from always saying yes to everything. How do I slow down without feeling FOMO or behind with friends?
• 11:08
  You know what FOMO is?
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah. What? I don't know.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Fear of missing out.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Fear of missing out. Right. Right.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Grandma Gail?
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Hi. Hi. Hi, guys. You were there. You were in the room where it happened.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: They're gonna see this video later and be like I feel with this question, you are allowed to miss things. That is something that for some reason, there's a lot of judgment around that, and I've felt that from friends. I think as we've gotten older, it's gone away a little bit. But definitely with, like, certain group dinners and things, there's two parts to this. There's one of you feeling left out, and that's one issue.
• 11:47
  And then the other issue is Overwhelming. Them making you feel left out by saying, why weren't you there? Why can't you push through it? Like, what I feel like in college, a lot of the time, people go out every night of the week. And, like, I was so tired.
• 12:01
  And, like, you know yourself and you know your body. If you're gonna go and just feel miserable and tired, there's literally no point. So I think, like, knowing that there's always another party, there's always another dinner you're going to be invited to. They're not going to stop inviting you because you didn't come to one or two things.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: I think as you get older, you have to proportion your time with your work schedule with your family schedule. I mean you can't constantly be going out or doing something. Balance. You that you have to balance that's a perfect word Kim. A balance of your schedule and it doesn't have to be three things in one day which is what I always say to you.
• 12:36
  Mean spread it out if you can and if you have two occasions in one day like sometimes we have you got to give some downtime in between because nobody can keep going like that.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Zach and I are calling it the year of balance. So whenever we're trying to navigate something, we're like, oh, it's the year of balance, and then we can make that decision from there because it is such a true thing. And also to this, real friends don't track your attendance. And if they are acting like that, perhaps they're not as true as you think they are. Okay.
• 13:07
  We are turning around. We're just taking a little short walk today since we do have some other stuff today. But it is nice to get your steps in in the morning, I think.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: Yes. It's good. I was She's anti. I was good. I was happy lying under my covers and watching the news but I'm motivated now and
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna motivate you. You need a motivation partner.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Right. And not only that, we have to change again, put more makeup on, less makeup on. It's a lot of makeup ing. So give me another question, Kim.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: My friend group is fun and I've known them for a while but they're also a little toxic. They drink a lot and there's a lot of gossiping. I don't always feel amazing with them or comfortable. How do you walk away from a social circle you've known for a while? I feel these connections would be weird to let go of.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: Well, if she feels weird to let go of them, change the time of them. What does that mean? Well instead of meeting for drinks maybe that she should meet her friends for lunch or brunch on a weekend. You know if you change the format you don't have the pressure of drinking. You could have a glass of wine at lunch you don't have to have three or four glasses which
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: you But would normally they're still gonna gossip at lunch.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Well but gossiping is fun unless she doesn't like the conversation or the people anymore. You've outgrown them. Sometimes you do and you have to move on and maybe keep just one out of those friends.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I feel that sometimes with the gossiping, you're right, sometimes it can be fun. Trust me, I love spilling tea. But I also think that sometimes it can be really, as she said, toxic when does people it are mean?
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Then I then I don't approve of it.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: When people are complaining constantly, saying bad things about other people Right. That's right. Saying bad things about you to your face, like, it is not fun to be around. But you might be like, we went to college together and how can you just drop a college friend?
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Well evidently they don't feel as as comfortable as you thought they did with you. So if those are the kind of relationships perhaps you had in college now that you're growing up and you're in the workforce or whatever you're doing now, I think it's time to eliminate some of that toxic toxicity.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Yes. Thank you. I think think about the things that bond you with this friend. Is is it things that you still have values in common? Or is it like just that you went through a certain experience together?
• 15:25
  Because if it's just a certain experience, like you went through college, that doesn't mean you have to still keep someone around at the level you did then. You can still check-in with people, but it doesn't have to be, like, every week you're getting dinner Right. Or things like that. I don't know really, like, how you wean down. It is really hard.
• 15:42
  But I think just setting those boundaries and being like, I have this other plan, but let's do this day Right. You know, two weeks from now or whatever it is.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, do
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: less of them. Yeah doing less and if they start being weird about it that's on them not on you. Right. I've been a stay at home mom for ten years but now that my kids are a little older I want to pursue a career and get a job but I'm wondering how to confidently step into a chapter like this after so long at home.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Well, Kim, you know, I think this is a tricky one. I don't know if she had worked prior to having children. If she was in a field that she still enjoys, you know, step back in a little bit, see if she can contact some old friends that she might have worked with and see what they suggest. Or in you know, there's so many new things coming about with AI, with all the different technology firms that are around. Maybe her skill can be changed a little bit to fit today's, you know work cycle or work
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Don't know if it's about finding what it is as much as feeling the confidence to try that new thing. So I think like
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I think she should. Yeah. Need listen I started working at 79. Exactly.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: We love reinvention. And you know what?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: It's fun. It might not be exactly what she did prior and she has to be adaptable.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Right. And also life isn't linear. Right. So it doesn't matter whether you did it when you were 20 versus now, you're still allowed. Give yourself that permission to try something new.
• 17:07
  Right. I wanna move to a new city where I don't know anyone, but I'm afraid of being lonely. Is loneliness better than staying stuck?
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Well, she better make sure the city that she's moving to is for a good reason. I just wouldn't move because she's a little stuck now in in where she is because it's just gonna be the same problem in the new city. So if there is a job opportunity or a relationship involvement and you really want to go, you'll learn new things about the new city. If you're just going to find yourself perhaps you should find yourself in your community where you're in right now.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Right. Or in the same city but find a new community. Maybe it's the people, maybe it's the activities or your job or Right. There's a lot of other factors before relocating.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: And we co locating is a very big big thing. And you you know, it's you can't take that lightly.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Mhmm. That said, if you have ties to this new place or whatever or Try it. Well, I guess yeah. I would say to try it, and I also think that feeling of loneliness can be really temporary. And then you'll get past it, and then you'll be happy that you made the switch.
• 18:11
  So I think just weigh up what the factors are in your life. I entered a relationship that felt safe but stagnant. Now I'm questioning if I made a mistake starting over feels terrifying. How do you trust your decision?
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, that I think there is a very important question. I don't think anybody should stay in a relationship if they have questions about it just for the fact that it's safe. Yep. You know, you get sometimes you you have a whole lifetime in front of you and safety is not the issue. It's about compatibility, whether you're going on the same path.
• 18:41
  So I wouldn't worry about that. There's always somebody down the road that will you will find. It's always more comfortable naturally to know the person that you've been with but if you're seeing that it's lacking and it's not really going in the right direction stop it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: And just look forward to something new.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And also if you do break up, like just because you miss them, it doesn't mean Right. That it was a wrong decision. It just obviously after any change, breakup, whatever, it's hard. But then I think it will be the right decision if it's something you even thought about doing in the first place.
• 19:14
  Correct. In a relationship that's very healthy and a lot of love but very different lifestyles, is it a bad idea?
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: Yes. I think to be in a relationship that really is gonna be a permanent relationship, you have to have some things that you either enjoy doing together or that you have a focus on where your future is going to be.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys for listening and walking with us maybe or just watching us take a little walk around Palm Beach. People are always curious about the life here. So you got to see the Lake Walk and we can do another neighborhood next time if you would like. Leave us comments, send me a DM. We're at Excuse My Grandma.
• 19:52
  My personal is Kimmerstein. Bye everyone. Have a good day.