Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Healing Hidden Wounds: Veterans, Midlife, And The Science Of Change

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Healing Hidden Wounds: Veterans, Midlife, And The Science Of Change · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is the dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, today we have our return guest, uh Diana Sullivan.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, absolutely fantastic guest and super excited to have her on.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Diana is a healer and mentor who specializes in guiding people through the emotional challenges of midlife and beyond.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, she draws deeply from her lived experiences, including her journey with the former spouse who served in the Navy and carried the invisible weight of war, which many veterans do.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um Diana helps individuals face long buried traumas.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: This is super important, everybody.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um and she does some, I just got chills.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's how important it is, everybody.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um she uh faces long buried traumas that often resurface when life life quiets down.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: So basically, when things kind of seem like they're smoothing out, hello.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then after uh kids are grown, the roles uh begin to shift, which is really important, especially in you know the the mid mid-age group, where you know life just starts changing, and that's when a lot of the stuff starts coming up.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: So um, with that said, I'm just gonna I'm gonna sum all that up.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: Diana is amazing, she's a rock star, and hope you enjoy the show.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: So um, Diana, will you tell us just a little bit more about yourself that we didn't talk about yet?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, thank you so much.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: You did such a great introduction.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I need any more.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, no, uh, I really am just passionate about helping people in this middle-aged time of life.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think that things happen um to come up, like you mentioned, so much so for us when we get to this age and stage.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that the societal norm is kind of just to drift off, put yourself out to pasture, you know, kind of zone out watching TV or drinking alcohol or, you know, whatever.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And um, there are many of us who believe that we are meant for more.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And we have so much wisdom when we get into this middle-aged time that we're wasting it if we're just vegging out.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: But the the problem is that you know, our old traumas are starting to come up because we have more time now.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: We're not so busy, we're typically not striving for uh the top of our career.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Our children have, you know, moved on there, or even you know, even by like 16, they don't need us that much anymore, right?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: So that's all shifting.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: So now there's time and space, and those traumas are coming up wanting to be healed.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, amen.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's funny you say that because I mean, how often are you just moving so fast?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then, like you said, when you're getting a little older and you're kind of getting things, you know, the the work balance and all that stuff kind of figured out, you start thinking more, you know, and these things start coming out, and sometimes you don't even know why you're feeling this way.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, this is the scary traumas that I think we're gonna talk about a lot.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so before we really dive in, I just want to remind everybody on the top left corner of your screen there's a blue QR code.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Please scan that.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're listening on the podcast forums later, um, it goes to empower performance strategies.com.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Again, that's empower performance strategies.com.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: There's all kinds of resources, guys.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: There's there's books, uh free ebooks, there's Facebook groups, there's all kinds of great stuff to get into the community.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: So please join that and uh and be part of it.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so with that said, should we dive in?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Can I touch on what you just said real quick?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so important.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you mentioned that people don't always know.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that's so important because I think you know, um, 95% of people don't know that this, you know, it doesn't come with a little flag that says trauma coming up, you know, it comes with numbness and sadness, and like I don't like the things that I used to like, and I don't even know what's going on, you know.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely that's that's how it surfaces.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to shine a little bit more light on that because I think it's really important.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: I and I'm glad you did.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, we'll talk more about it.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, it's it's funny because I always talk about um and and it's it's the stories are different, but the patterns are very similar, right?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, whether it's veterans or just humans in general, veterans are just a little bit different because of the conditioning things from the military, but the the the patterns are very much similar, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: Whether it's transition from the military, a transition from uh being an empty nester or a divorce or a breakup or a job, you know, they're all kind of similar.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: And even though you may not have trauma from a job or something like that, the the patterns again start coming up after kind of the honeymoon period, right?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of people, for instance, and let's just use military because that's our you know what we're talking about for the most part, but again, it's a human condition, if if I can say that.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: The there's the honeymoon period of a whatever time that is for that person when they get out of the military or again change jobs, whatever it is, where they are all happy and it's a celebration, woo-hoo, and all the different stuff.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then life, you know, Les Brown, I gotta say it, life be life in, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: And life starts kicking in at some point, and that's when we start noticing these things.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it's super important what you what you just brought up that it's it's generally delayed.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: Not always, but generally delayed.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna say with veterans, it's probably a nine out of ten, if not higher, that I've I've seen.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I think this is so important that we're talking about this.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: So um, with that said, I know we're gonna we have our questions, but you you know me, I just wanna so people understand that haven't met you yet, what are what are what brought you into this realm?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: You had a super successful business that you sold and so on.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: So, what made you want to help in this in this area?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it's an interesting story.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was actually in a relationship um with a boyfriend who was very controlling and abusive, and um, he was actually a former in the Navy, and I'm sure some of his stuff probably came from that, you know.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And um he was at a rehab center and it was family weekend, and I went and I met somebody who explained to me how I was attracting this into my life, which I thought they were crazy, but um, you know, it was my own lack of worthiness and my own, you know, issues from my own life growing up that caused me to be in that relationship.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I knew that I didn't want that for my life anymore.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and honestly, I don't think I had enough um self-worth at the time, but I didn't want it for my children either, you know.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just to be clear, they were not being abused.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: But the um to have be in that kind of a controlling space in place, you know.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: So what can I do to have my life be different going forward?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: That was the thought at that time.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then as I started learning things and learning healing work and all of these things, oh my gosh, I need to share this with everyone, you know, was how I felt.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: So while I was running my successful company and being a single mom, I was learning a lot in the background.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: So about 10 years ago is when I started down this path of self-awareness, and you know, along the way, got healing work added in, brain science added in, you know, now I call it my trifecta.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: The coaching, the healing, and the brain science.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: They just all such a nice sauce together, you know.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and it's you know, so many people aren't really that aware, right?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because they are just running and trying to survive.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's it's absolutely a gift that you you've found this, and and and I will say this because I I know you personally.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you do amazing stuff.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, the world would not be the same without without you.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for everything that you're doing.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: Truly.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: So let's uh let's dive in.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um uh when so when you think about midlife, okay, we're gonna talk about that you know specifically.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: What makes this season such a powerful and often painful um invitation for old wounds to resurface?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: So we've stopped running, we're probably not in survival mode anymore.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we've gotten survival figured out and we're feeling like, oh my gosh, this is amazing.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is wonderful.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And once your body starts to feel safe, now it's safe enough for those traumas to come up.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we're in the midst of chaos, those traumas won't come up.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Not only are we just not busy, but they're also they don't feel safe to come up.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: So now we're in this idea of safety.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm in retirement and I probably saved money, and you know, so I'm just kind of safe, you know.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: So those things come boiling up to the surface.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's just the prime environment for them to come.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And interestingly, you know, it's not talked about this way, but they're gifts.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's so much wisdom on the other side of these traumas.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: And we feel like we're gonna die if we feel those feelings, but it's actually the resistance of those things that are causing them to keep coming up.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And if we if we just allow them to flow through, then they pass through and we get to be on the other side and gain the wisdom, which you ask why is it powerful?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's a big piece of it, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: We have so much wisdom, we've done so much, we've learned.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just learning to survive is wisdom, you know.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then now we've got the the icing on the cake here is these issues that we get to heal, and then we get to be even wiser.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the way we live changes.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's and and it's challenging because you go from run, run, run, run, run to, well, I have to stop and be still, you know.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a time where people sometimes choose vices, you know, whether it be, you know, binge binging on TV or drinking a lot or drugs or you know, whatever the variety might be.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm not shaming anyone on those either, because I think it's important to say that because I think people utilize whatever they utilize, and then when they're ready, they're ready, you know, like let's move forward.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times, too, what happens is those vices no longer work.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's so true.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: So true.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to add, if I can, um, you know, we talk about the gifts from the trauma, if you will.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: When you go back, and I tell people this all the time when you go back and you look back 10, 20, 30, one year ago, and you and you look back and say, Hey, I made it through that, yeah, and I learned from it, right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: And because we've all been through shit.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just call it what it is, right?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we've all been through it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: No one gets through their life with everything being perfect their entire life.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: So when you go through it and then you look back and you're like, oh man, yeah, but I I learned that I or I even I survived that and I made it through, that's a gift.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: The realization that, oh, I've been through something and I can do it again, I can make it through again and I can I can thrive on the other side of it.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I agree.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's super important.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was actually just walking someone through that yesterday when I was working with them.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of the ability to zoom out a little bit and look at all of it, you know.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: We're often busy, especially those of us who have been taught, you know, to be strong and all of these things.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so we look at it and we're only in the right now, and we've been beating ourselves up for so long.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what's you know, our neuropathways are doing.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: So we just continue to beat ourselves up.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if you actually take a minute and oh my gosh, look at the past year, the past five years, the past 10 years, look at and eventually look at your whole life and look at all you've done and all you've accomplished.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: You've been trained and taught to it's never enough, it's never enough.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: But when you take a second and look in the rearview mirror, holy cow, I'm actually really amazing.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, also we've been taught to not do that because that would mean we're, you know, boasting or or whatever.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: But as we both know from our mentor, you know, celebration is huge.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: So going back and really celebrating yourself as you're in this process, as you're in this season of suck that isn't fun, you know.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, season of suck always gets me.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I it's not my original.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: We have to have Cindy for that one, right?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Cindy will be on in a couple of weeks.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: We'll talk about the season of suck or suck in the suck, either one.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, yep.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: I love that, I love that you say that.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: And and can I can I just offer real quick don't don't wait a year, don't wait 10 years to look back.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I I teach people, and and I you know it's important.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Write, write down journal, right, or just write it down if people don't like the word journal sometimes, but just write it down all the things you want to accomplish in the day.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And even better, at the end of the day, write down all the things you did accomplish.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: And celebrate it, I mean shake your ass, pat yourself on the back, big old smile on your face, because it trains your brain to look for the celebrations and look for the good parts, and it's super, super, super important.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think I just want to touch on that too, because I think in this midlife time that we're talking about, it's so important because you know, from more of a science kind of a based um standpoint, your kids were giving you dopamine hits all of these years, and now those dopamine hits are gone.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: So as you're feeling numb and as you're feeling sad, that's part of it.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it really is it's the stacking effect of how can I recreate that in a healthy, good way, you know.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things is we're often, even though we're not as busy, we're still overwhelmed.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And part of the overwhelm can even come from I didn't have all those things to do anymore.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now I don't even know which one I want to do, you know.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a little bit daunting.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it sounds silly, but it's not.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really something that happens.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: So to do that list, I talk people through overwhelm all the time.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the list is hugely important because if you don't have a written list, your list is five years long.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: So you're never feeling that sense of accomplishment.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so it is so important that we have that, you know, and I refer to it as a dopamine hit, you know.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, and then when I go to bed tonight, absolutely, like you said, acknowledge it, write it down.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: I accomplished, and I bet not only did you accomplish what was on your list, you probably accomplished 25 other things, you know.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, stopping for milk on the way home and getting the laundry done, and you know, picking up the dog from the vet, you know, whatever else.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like you are actually so powerful and such a superstar.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to pull yourself out of your crap, out of that season of suck, you have to start recognizing how amazing you are.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Amen.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: And can I can I say this?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: And because you brought it up, is you did accomplish so much more.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Can I just say, wake up and celebrate you woke up on the right side of the dirt?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: People, people are so and I do it too.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I catch myself, but I train myself to catch myself, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right, yeah.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I mean, it's so easy to just move past all those little things that you should be celebrating that you accomplished.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: And and here's the the really big part for me with this is when you do it, it changes literally your life.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: If you wake up knowing, oh, look, what am I gonna accomplish and learn today?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I I actually do this.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: I wake up with a smile on my face.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna learn today?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna get to accomplish?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Right, and it changes your whole day.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's got channels again.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um I didn't do, I didn't do it changes your day.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: And if you do that day after day, guess what?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're looking for the good stuff, you're not focused on the bad stuff, and the bad stuff, you know, again, the perspective you put on it, right?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: Can we talk about that a little bit?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: That just that perspective really changes the game as well.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: It takes you out of season of suck or day of suck to to this as a season of gratefulness, if you will.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it it really it's you nailed it on the head, you know, it is so important.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: And people think that it's silly or you know, something like that.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: And when you take ownership of who you are and what your day looks like, it absolutely changes.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, waking up every morning.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I woke up this morning and I was excited to be on this, and I was excited to get my workout in, and I was excited that it was 17 degrees out today because it's going to be negative 19 the next two days, and I could actually walk my dog today.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know what I mean?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is, the little things to the big things, but if you start getting yourself in that rhythm of celebration, it becomes magical, you know, and you know, there's so many like there's silly little things, and there's these amazing things.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was in my own season of suck, right?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: At the at the end of this past year.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And as I came out of it, and as I, you know, I had to apply my own things that I teach to other people to myself, you know.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: So there I was, you know, doing this.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna trust it, and they stack, you know.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: So before you know it, you get that momentum going and it's going.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I get a text from somebody who's offering me a free ticket to an event that's being hosted this weekend, you know.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: And oh, by the way, I also happen to have points for it.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, like all of these things, you know.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if I pull into a parking spot, a parking lot, there's almost always a front spot for me.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just reserved for me, you know, like you start doing these things.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't ever stand for a long time in line at the grocery, you know, like it's just these problems and the stuff that just feels mucky, it all falls away because you're looking for it.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: We all know the idea of like, you know, you buy a car and you never saw that car on the road, but now that you have awareness of the car, you see it constantly.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, magical, wonderful things work the same way.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: So you start paying attention to the magical, wonderful things and you see more of them left and right.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I love that you say that because how when you focus on something, that's what you're focused on, right?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: If you focused on, oh, I don't have enough money, um, or I I don't have the job I love, or any of the things, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: And you're focused on the negatives, you're gonna be focused on the negatives for until you change that.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: So the more you can change into that grateful um uh energy, if you will, the better.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: I and I uh you touched on so many great things, but I I we've got about 10 minutes left, and I I want to ask you this.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: With with what you do, but how much have you noticed?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it just ties into what you're talking about, changing that gratefulness from season of suck to great to that great season of gratefulness.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: I can't think of something else.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh to um and to dealing with trauma if you're in that different different energy, if you will.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it it's a process, you know.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's really important that your expectations are are realistic, you know, because it's not going to change instantly.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's not going to change overnight.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: You you you will change overnight, but it's little increments, and it's that stacking effect that I was talking about.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you can't go from suck to everything is great, you know.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting because the the season that I just came out of myself, I I was really frustrated because I'm a coach and I know better.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: So how come I can't get there?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: But I was trying to go from here to here, and we can skip some steps along the way, but it's just not realistic to you know make that huge leap.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we have to be really patient with ourselves and we have to be really, really compassionate, you know.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I think um for me during that time, I really took myself out of socialization because when you're in that crappy space, you're not nice, you know.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: And and I I have a lot of self-awareness because I've been working at this for a long time.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I was really aware, and I didn't want to say something stupid or, you know, be in that kind of space.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I just took space for myself, and honestly, that's what we need, you know.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, alongside a coach is even better that you're in that place of you're working through these traumas in these things that are coming up.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're so compassionate and you're so loving, you know.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: The things that have happened, you know, especially to the veterans and things, they're horrible things that people have seen, right?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And and you shouldn't have had to see them, but you did.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: So can we work through what that did to your nervous system, what that did to your body, and help to bring healing to it?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the greatest way to heal that is bringing love and light to it.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love that.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it, and it's so it's so true.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, being patient, all of those things and being kind to yourself and compassionate, I believe, is the word you said, which is a word.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, truly, because so many, you know, the thoughts, right?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: Your thoughts, your reality.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so yeah.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're sitting there beating yourself up, that's your reality.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's who you are living, that's who you are being, right?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: You can choose otherwise.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: And who wants to stay there?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it really is a choice, and sometimes I I I myself feel frustrated that we don't teach emotional intelligence, you know.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a huge thing to be able to work through that.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, what we've been taught is to be tough, to be strong, you know, and figure it out, right?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Rub some dirt on it.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: And and guess what?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: I rubbed dirt on it and it didn't help, you know.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: So what do I do now?
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Rub dirt on it, got infected.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, it got worse.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's the perfect one.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think too, you know, as we're talking about the person who's in that place, also the people around them, you know, we all have a commitment.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me say it this way.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: We all have a responsibility to our own happiness and our own stuff, right?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: And when we're in relationships, whether they be friendships or marriages or whatever, we can trigger each other.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when someone's in that place and space, can you give them grace?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, it's funny because we talked about this a little bit before the show, and I think I wasn't gonna mention it, but my ex-husband was um in the military, he was in the war, and he is a little socially, I'm sorry, a little emotionally unavailable, from my opinion.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't have a clue or understand what that was.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: We were married, you know, 20 years ago, and I didn't get it.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: And um the biggest challenge to that is or the biggest takeaway is when I was young, I didn't know my happiness is mine, it is not his, you know.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: So so oftentimes um, you know, we get married, and I literally was like, okay, so here's my happiness, and now it's yours, and I'll take yours to be mine.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't work, case if we haven't figured that out yet, you know?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so he was in a place of hurting, and I didn't know that.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I had my own stuff, and he didn't know that.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so, how can a relationship do anything in that space?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it's incumbent upon each of us to really work on our own healing and and our own self, and especially when we're in relationship with someone who's been through a lot of trauma, you know, it takes an extra amount of love and compassion as we both work through.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: I sometimes work with, um, especially in this middle age, you know, there's a lot of people where marriages are not blissful, you know, and we don't really know if we even want to stay together right now, you know.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: And my biggest thing with them is let's get you to a place of whole and happy on your own, and then you will be able to make the decision.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: The decision will become simple, it's not easy, but it will become simple to you of okay, this is where I am.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I am whole and happy.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Is this other person in alignment with me or not?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Can we work this out and can this happen?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that's and sometimes one person is moving ahead and growing and the other isn't.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that can be the challenge of that as well.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, it was it was beautiful, seriously, because so many people don't, let me rephrase that, aren't aware.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it's beautiful that you said that, and there's so many amazing points in it.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I I I do want to uh first of all acknowledge, yes, you're not gonna change somebody else they want to change, right?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um and it's frustrating, but once you realize I can't change them, I married this person or I'm in the relationship with this person, or it's aunt, uncle, whatever the relationship really is, it's it's across the board, but you're not going to change them unless they want to.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: So the more that you go you you you, the more they go away, right?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for that communication.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: So what I you know, my my suggestion is always the same as yours.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Work on yourself first, and then when they're ready, communicate with them.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: Communicate with them, don't point your finger at them, have a real heart open communication so that they don't feel judged, they don't feel all of those things.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Because that just especially it's it's the human condition, but again, I'm going back to veterans, they're gonna pull away farther, and then once they go into isolation, we have real problems.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's when real problems set in for everybody and anybody.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I I think that's so important that you you know bring those things up.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: I I truly do.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and with that said, we're almost done.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so so is there anything else um that you want to talk about?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: We got about two minutes we can go over.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, we all deploy.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: So is there anything else specific that you want to talk about?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Just really that I think it's interesting.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I do energy work and you know, our bodies are made of an energetic field.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we have EKGs and things that are very Western medicine that you know take account for this energy.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes there's imprints in the body of things that have happened along the way.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, releasing through crying, through, you know, screaming into a pillow, uh, growling, you know, whatever it may be is really, really helpful to release those.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Also, working with an energy healer who can get get in there and clear some of those things also is really helpful.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, I also give so much credence to um Joseph McClendon's work that you and I both do, neuroencoding, you know, because if you if you do all these things, but your mind is still working against you, your brain is still working on keeping the old pattern because that's what it's there to do, you know, it's not gonna change.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really bringing all of those pieces together in order to move forward.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, you're back in the season of suck.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: Sindy sitting with hold on here for a minute.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if she's still around, but um she says she loves us both.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um hey, so um with that, can we do you have a couple extra minutes?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I do, but I need to plug in my computer.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so embarrassed.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Give me one second.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so just just listen if you will, just so we can jump back into it.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you know, we didn't really talk about the energy work specific, right?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: So what I'd like you to talk about if you can is once you have energy, is um how does energy work work?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how what what is kind of the process?
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: What uh and again, we don't have a lot of time, but yeah, what you do is amazing.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, and you know, there's obviously there's Carolyn and there's different people in our groups that that do this, but most people don't really understand it.
• 29:43
  unknown: Right.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: So can you give like a kind of a brief explanation of what you do and of course how it helps?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, absolutely.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: So um I personally do shamanic healing as well as Reiki and another modality called access bars.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I've got kind of a lot of different things working and going on, and I really set the stage before a client comes into my space.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um we are in it right now, it's my sunroom.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: I also have an outdoor space, and I invite in the four directions of the wind.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: They all have their own, their own piece.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, the south helps us to shed our skin, the west helps us to see in the dark, the north helps us with finding the sweetness in life, and the east is the rising sun, the brand new day represented by the eagle, which is fine details as well as the big picture, which we kind of zoomed out before, right?
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Mother Earth for grounding, um, the father sky, God, angels, archangels, all those things.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a huge spirituality that's included with it and brought into it.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then so I am working with all of that.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I tap into all of that as I have someone either virtually on my table or actually on my table, and I'm I'm being guided my whole way through.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going through their energy field, tapping into it, and just feeling my way through and feeling where anything might be there.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: I sometimes find energetic knife in the back kind of a thing, or calcification around the heart.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so using energy and some different tools that I have, including sometimes I break up energy with a drum or with a rattle, things like that.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm working with their body to work through these things.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: So when someone gets up from my table, at a minimum, they feel like they've just had an amazing massage, you know.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have people who have said, like, I have not been able to quiet my mind in 10 years, and my mind was still and quiet.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: Or people who haven't been able to cry because they've been resisting it so much, but their body feels really safe in that space.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's important too.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that's you know created in this environment is safety and love.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so those things come.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes there's messages in there as well while I'm working on someone.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, sometimes when I'm working on them, I bring them into a meditation where I have them meet with their inner child or their inner elder or both.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so they're really going, I'm helping them to go within to find the answers for what they need.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, there's various things that I I love the text and the calls and the things the day after, you know, the day after, the week after, where oh my gosh, I just felt freer than I've felt in so long, and I'm able to do X, Y, Z.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: And with me, I'm doing some coaching work and the energy work.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: So we're talking about a lot of these things too.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what what was that knife in the back?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: What did that mean?
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, they always know.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: I was working with somebody a couple weeks ago, and there was a message on a wall.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, like, because I'll get vision, so I'm visualizing, and there's this message on the wall, but I don't know what the message is.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I told this person this, and a week later they came back and said, Oh my gosh, I went to this exhibit and there was a wall, and there was this message, and it was so for me, and you know, so just things like that that are really, really powerful.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, sometimes our minds struggle with things, and when we're doing the energy work, it's getting past the mind and just getting in there, getting some of that gook out.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, absolutely love it.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and I wanted to just say this to anybody out there going, what?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like rainbows and unicorns, right?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm gonna share something with you, okay?
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: Try it once.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: Try it once.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: There are so many things that people don't realize until they've done it, right?
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_02: Go back in your life and and and the thoughts or the the um the the rules you had, right, that have changed.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: Try it once.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it is absolutely amazing.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's it's life-altering.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: It truly can be.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: It is open your mind, open your heart, and and try it once.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's and because then you'll know, right?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm offering a special right now for$97 if anybody wants to try it once, and just in this month of January here.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: So remote as well, remote as well as in person.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: So wherever you are.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: Fantastic.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just about to ask you, are you uh are you offering anything?
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for bringing that up.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so lastly, um, I just sound like Joseph McClane III.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: Lastly, even though we know it won't be, um, what are three tips that you would give veterans and their families to move further faster if you would?
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, be gentle with yourself.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: Don't try to be the tough guy.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: And start today.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely love it.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Tomorrow yourself 10 years down the road.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: So start today.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be big, little things.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: Two, two, two, uh two percent change, millimeter change, whatever you want to call it, gets you in a different place by the time you reach that destination.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_02: So amen.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, how do people reach you?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they can reach me um by phone or text at 414-403-0261, or you can go to my website, which is Diana Sullivan.com.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Two N's two L's, D-I-A-N-N-A-S-U-L-L-I-V-A-N.com.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: Fantastic.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: So with that said, um, Diana, I want to just thank you again for being on here and spreading your knowledge and your wisdom and your brilliance and your light.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: We don't get it back.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for spending a little bit of your life and your time with us.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for what you do, and thank you for having me.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: We will have you back on.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: There's too much more to cover.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: All right, everybody, we're out of here.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts take your reality and make them happen.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode.