Latest / Drawn of History / Theo and Ari Shaffir Tell Their Best Travel Stories(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Theo and Ari Shaffir Tell Their Best Travel Stories(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: When I had to get my visa to play China,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I went in there and they're like, what are you
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: doing there? I'm like, I'm working. I got gigs. I'm like,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: you're working? Where's your letter of invitation from the government?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Where's your $ 50, 000? And I'm like, I don't know. It's
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: like early when you go to China. I mean, Canada,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: It was that too. I didn't realize. So I called
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: the promoters. I was like, what do I do? They go,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Go back in there and tell them you're just there
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: to see the Great Wall. And I'm like, but I
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: was just in there. And he goes, So you know
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: how we can't tell them apart? It's a two-way street.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Just go right. Try not to go to that window,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: but if you do, it won't matter. And I got
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: called in that window. She goes, hi, how you doing?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I thought she was fucking with me. I'm like, here
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: to do some traveling in China. Okay. That was it. Damn.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Did you go with the same group that I went with?
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Did you go to? I didn't go with that Lee guy.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Curtain. No, it
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: was a different group, I think.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: was just the places you got to go.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You couldn't afford it. No. And you just never would
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: have been able to do it. And it flew you
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places. You're like,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: dick jokes are paying for this. Yeah. It was wild.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: And you meet the local scenes. I'm like, there's a
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: comedy scene in Hong Kong? That was the best, man.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: It was so cool. Iceland. You're going to Australia and
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: just weird spots. Yeah, we went to one right there.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: That's Guantanamo Bay. You played Guantanamo Bay. With Mike- That's
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: in Cuba? Yeah, who's that guy on the right guy?
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Jewish guy, too. Mike... E? No. Smoothie? Mike... Is that
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Mike Costa with us? Patrick DeGear. That's Costa. Yeah, it
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: looks like Costa. Patrick DeGear, Mike Costa. Who's Patrick DeGear?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: The blind one. Oh, yeah, Patrick DeGear. Yeah, he's blind.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: That's you on the left? Yeah. Damn. I had good
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: hair back then. Look how angry your hair is. Yeah,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: zoom in on it, man. And that kid never n
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: * * * ed inside a chick? Never. What an idiot.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: That's a n * * * a. That's a n
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: * * * a. That was his time. Bro, he
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: n * * * ed in his shampoo bottle a
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: few times. You never won a title in your prime. Yeah. Wow. Fuck,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I was young as fuck, bitch. Damn. I was doing good.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: You look like Dane Cook there. Yeah, bro. Dane and Shane.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Get that off the ground. Come on, NBC. Make a comeback.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: So you just went all over. Look at that. That's
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you. Went to Guantanamo Bay.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: like that? Crazy.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Went to the A. Dude, Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: first of all, nice golf courses there.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Underrated. You'd never know it. We got to see the
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: prisoners play some volleyball. Wow, really? Yeah. Did you play
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: in your jeans and no shirt like in Top Gun? No.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: They wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: And some of them had blindfolds on or whatever, but
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: they were still playing.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Unbelievable. Just to get out in the yard or whatever
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and have a... Oh, the prisoners. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, they
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: had these... They could play volleyball?
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Iguanas down there, foxes, rodents, unique animals. They had a beach,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: this thing called Glass Beach. It used to be glass,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: but it all was rounded out now.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: From the tides? Where else did they send you? Where
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: else did you go? Azores. We went to the Azores,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: which is somewhere. I don't know. Is that Portugal? Yes.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Pretty amazing. What about you? I just remember I saw
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Paul Morrissey today. Oh, yeah. Three-point Paul. He's a basketball player, too.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: He's great. We got flown to Switzerland, Montreux, Switzerland, for
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: a festival. Yeah. And we made a deal with each other.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Let's keep going places. We had Iceland, Australia, but the
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: China gigs, those weird gigs, Dominican Republic. And you're just like,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I'm Dominican Republic? Mm-hmm. And you're just here on their dime.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: The Anchorage gigs. Oh, I never did that. Those were good.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: They take you on either a thing above the glaciers
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: or deep sea fishing. Me and David Taylor were deep
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: sea fishing. We cut one open right there. It had
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: all these dots in it. He's like, what's that? He's like, well,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: it's eggs. It's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: is that caviar? Yeah. Can you eat those raw? Yeah,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: he showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: have some right out of the thing. Every pregnant one
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: we found, David just started filling up on it. Did
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: he get sick? So sick. You're not supposed to fill
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: up on caviar on a boat. Yeah, dude. Especially when
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: you're poor. You can barely afford a burrito, and you're
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: eating fresh out of the womb caviar. Bro, if somebody
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: brought caviar to me, I'd fucking- Served in a womb.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I'd fucking serve a sword to their neck, dude. You
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: can't fucking eat caviar if.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: You're poor, dude. Yeah, that doesn't go. Your stomach's like,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: chill out, fag.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: You know, your system can't handle it.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: God, those gigs were good. They just fly out somewhere
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: and it was just like on their dime. And you're
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: just like, they cover the hotel. They let you know
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: where to stay. There's no arranging. Yeah, you never made
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: any money. Yeah, right. But it was just like broke even. Maybe.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: But then like you're living like on a vacation to
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: the level I can barely afford now. Yeah. All covered.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: It was so cool.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Dude, we went one time to... What's the blue stuff
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: that they put in drinks? They put it in like a.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, Curacao? Yes. Boom. That place. It's an island. Oh.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So we went there. You went there on comedy? Yes.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Zoom out from the map. I want to see where
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: this is on the map. Go and then slowly zoom out. Yeah. Yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Night near Bonaire. Okay. Out, out, out. Where the fuck
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: is this? I really don't know what content it is yet.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Me neither. Okay, in the Caribbean. Every couple years, they
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: move this place somewhere else. It's like the Isle of Most.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: We went. Go look at a picture of it. Dude,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: it is like a small place. There's only one area
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: that has a few buildings, and then there's this military
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: base there, but they manufacture this blue liqueur there. Yeah,
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: that's the area. It's very small. It's beautiful.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: It's beautiful, but there's nothing. I mean, this is it, right?
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: And then we went to this military place. I think
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: we did a show, and then they had.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: They put us up in these rooms and then you
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: go into the facility where the rooms were like, and
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: it just kind of looked like a bear, like, um,
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: almost like a community college type of, or like an
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: old high school, just like the center block kind of wall,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: you know, with painted over and stuff. Then we opened
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: the door to this one room and it was the
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Like I think fancy, like, operatives or somebody came down
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: there every once in a while and they put them
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: up in this crazy place and probably get them some
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: chicks or whatever but it was unbelievable we went with
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: uh yeah we went with cheerleaders from um what houston
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: texans cheerleaders.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: What yeah that's when you would have nutted yeah shoulda
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: who's that that's the room i was in wow j
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: davis but every other room was normal and then they
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: had this one room that was crazy had like mirrored
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: ceilings Like heavy cocaine vibes, me and Jay Davis. Yeah,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: that's a coke vibe for sure. Yeah. It was just crazy.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: There was me and him just. Wait, back up. We
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: had some women. Are you in shape there? I was
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: in shape. God damn, bro. I used to. Wait, what? Yeah.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: That's you on the left. I used to jerk myself off.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: That's how good looking I was. Damn, dude. You need
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V. What?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Who is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bam, huh? BLM, dude.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on over there. But that
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: was pretty amazing. That's cool. But yeah, going places like
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: that was unbelievable. Military, you ever do any of the
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: ones where you were in like Iraq? No, I just
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: had Nate and Louis Katz and Joe List on my
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And it's just like that same thing of like, what
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up. Yeah,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: that was great. And you just saw, you were like,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: this is Because when you grow up, you're like, I'll
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: probably never go there, ever, let alone on someone else's dime.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they had a woman in a black, they had
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: a woman gave me a BJ and a Blackhawk. Gave
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: me a BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground on a, on.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: They arranged that for you? No, she arranged it. Okay, okay.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: She arranged it.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: And she said, oh, the airfield is un, I don't
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: know what it was, like unattended or something tonight.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: But yeah. pretty cool and then what else.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Oh another wait wait wait wow i know pretty neat
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: i think that was in.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Like she hold your hand and make a man out
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: of you i don't know what happened wait you got
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: a blow job in a black hawk helicopter pretty cool
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: did she leave no man behind or she like i.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Don't remember i remember she had a huge uh kind
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: of zit on her neck or like a goiter.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Or something You're just looking at that the whole time?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I think she was from Philly or something. It's a
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: way to last longer. But really a sweet gal. Seems nice. Oh,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: there was another group that went jogging in the morning
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: in the Air Force, and she slipped over into my
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: little cabin or whatever. She slipped out of line of
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: the jog?
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: And I couldn't get an erection. I was too freaked
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: out or something. I thought they were going to come
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: over with guns. I didn't fucking know how the military works.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Where was this?
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: This was in somewhere near Kuwait, Arafjan or one of
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: these bases or something.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Pretty cool. Wow. Those were good. Yeah, it was good.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: A good time. It was good for everybody. It was
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: just cool. They would take you out in the middle
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: of nowhere. You'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know,
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: and just. That was Kuwait? Yeah. You went to Kuwait? Yeah,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: whatever the one in Iraq. Yeah. Arafjan is where we
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: flew in. Then we went to these forward operating bases.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I think that's where they went too. I think it
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: might have been the same one. Yeah, it's pretty great.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I want to get you on my podcast about that year.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: When I went to their semester at sea? Yeah. Did
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I come talk about that? I never talk about it.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I met a guy. It would go perfectly with that pod,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: but also like- Journey? What's it called? The trip? You'll
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: be tripping. You'll be tripping. Just about a place you've been,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: but I haven't had ocean as any. But I met
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: a guy in my neighborhood. Dude, I never talk about
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: that whole trip. We were talking. He goes, do you
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: know Theo Vaughn? I was like, yeah, yeah. He's a
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: friend of mine. And he goes, I was on a
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: boat with him once. And I was like, oh, weird.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And he goes, no, no, no. It was like a
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: six-month thing. Yeah, that was it. I've got to get
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: his name to see if you remember. I've got to
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: remember his name. Semester at sea, white guy? Yeah, white guy, James.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: James was his name. James. But anyway, yeah, and I
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, that'd be perfect. That sounds so cool. Oh,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: it was great.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, semester at sea. It was like a floating school.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: And just went around the whole world, finished in Florida.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: We stopped at Cube on the way.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: You did? On the way back, yeah. Fidel came and
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: spoke to us, too. It was pretty crazy. Really? Yeah. What?
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: But then we just tried to get out. Oh, dude,
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you this fun thing that happened. So we
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: went out, and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever. We
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: would just do like that if somebody talked to us
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: in Spanish, you know? We would fucking just do that
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: in order of Cuba Libre, you know?
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, man, they're great there. Oh, yeah. They have an aclap. Yeah,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: we went to the Havana Club. Yeah. We saw a
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: guy picking his nose so hard for so long. So long.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I have a picture of it. I can't show it
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: because it's being too much hate. Hard workers over there. No,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: there's a white guy. There's a white guy getting rid
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: of that fucking pollution.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people who travel over there pick
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: their nose. It's different in Cuba. The flick goes further.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And then, so we were at this thing. We're just
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: walking down the streets. And finally, we find this kind
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: of party going on. It looked like there was some people.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: There was like a birthday cake and stuff for this
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: old guy. And these people like were drinking and we
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: were drinking. So we all just start kind of dancing
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: in this little kind of foyer area, like off this,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: the edge of this house and stuff.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: And we're hanging out and stuff. And, um, we singing
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: happy birthday and dancing.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: And then you start to realize, look over and this
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: old guy is going down on this woman. They were
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: hookers that they'd hired for these two old dudes that
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: hired some hookers for their birthday. What? And we're just
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: fucking there, like, cutting the cake with them and shit.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: We're like, what the fuck are we doing, bro?
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of hookers there. Yeah. Was there? Yeah,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I didn't get any. You see them, though. I'm like,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen any hookers. And you notice, like, oh, yeah, yeah, that. Oh, yeah, that.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: They're like, hi. And you're like, yep. There's just different. Yeah,
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: that was, and then we went to a baseball game.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: We had to go get bread and cheese. You got what?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: We were staying with a guy, and they were like,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: should we help? Should we help? He goes, no, no,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I got it, I got you. And then when the
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: hurricane was coming, he was like, should we go out
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: and get supplies? And he goes, yes. He was like,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: oh shit, you're worried. So we're on the hunt for
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: bread and cheese, and everywhere we went, they're like, we're out,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: we're out. And then Bobby Kelly was like, all right,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: let's go, let's go to the next place, we gotta go.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: And he goes, well, hold on, there's cookies here. I'm like, Bob,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: it's not a cookie time, dude. Let's go. So what
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: else did you see? An alcoholic with a dessert, it's hard.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: It's a replacement.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: And then I'm trying to think of anything else that
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: happened that was super great over there. It just happened
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: pretty quick, and we just drank with a lot of
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: homeless people. A lot of times you would pull in,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: you were on a boat docks. You were always around
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Right. That's not the typical vibe of a city. Right.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it was cool, like Miami, and then sometimes it
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: was like you were in Jersey. It was hit or miss,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: some of these ports you went into.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: So you'd roll off thinking, like, oh, we're going to
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: be in the lap of, like, some cool area, and
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: you'd just be in, like, the industrial and the docks,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: you know, like in Belfast or something.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Who would go here? No one in L.A.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: goes to where the ships dock. People are just getting
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: fucking wasted. I've been at sea for nine months. Get
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: me hookers and drugs now.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, dude, all the staff that worked on the cruise ship,
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: they were from, like, Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that,
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: and so they would all go get hookers the second
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: that the boat docked. You'd see them file out like
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: ants just to go get hookers in these different countries.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago. Yeah? For a carnival.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Was it nice? It was so much fun. For a carnival,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: and just danced and drank for days. Wow. It was
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: so much fun. Who'd you go with? A chick. Yeah.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I met my friend. My friend's in line to be
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: the prime minister there from college. Really? Yeah, his dad
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: was the prime minister there. And then when I met him,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: he was the ambassador of America. White guy? Tobaggan? No.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Dark skin black. Dark skin black. Yeah, they only have
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Indians and blacks there pretty much. Oh, yeah. But everyone's dancing,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: whining on each other. They're whining on me. They were
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: playing This Is Not Happening for some reason on loop. No.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: On loop. So for like four hours a day, they
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: were playing This Is Not Happening in Trinidad. No residuals.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Some chick was like, are you Ari Shaffir? And I
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah. She goes, can I whine on you?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah. She's just fucking backing it up. That's
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: what they do there? Yeah. It's not even sexual. It's
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: just like backing it up right on your ass and
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: just rub it. And they just go all the way down. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: That's great. And what do they call it? Wind on you? Whining. Whining.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: It's their dance. Whining. And it's toboggan? I guess so. Wow.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Steel pan, all that shit. It was so fucking cool.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: What do you notice after traveling to some of these places?
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: What do you, what are the things you miss about America?
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: And what do you think are the things that we
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: lose by being such a capitalistic environment?
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Food is cleaner. Other places. Okay. Like in Cuba, they
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: don't have much, but they don't have like chemicals to
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: put in there either. Right. And then it's, it's, it's
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: like the need to like work for life. Oh, she's
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: teaching how to wine. I might've watched this video before
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I went. God. And what do you do? Stand there?
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Stand there. You can lift one leg around them, try
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: to go down with them. I mean, you can't do it,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: but they're like, it's funny, the white guy trying. But
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: they're not mad at you for being there. There's so
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: few whites. There are? Yeah. Yeah. I think the Rio
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: one has more. Whoa. Pregnancia. You just. That's when you really,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: that's when your nuts go missing right there. Wow. Jesus, lady.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I know. Alto, alto.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time. Got a
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: picture with him.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: He pickpocketed you? Caught him fucking just like that. And
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: then you're like, I'm not mad at you. Let's just
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: take a picture. Let's get a photo of you. And
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: he ran off. Little guy.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Little fucking five-year-old ghost thieving.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Hey, no. All right. Yeah. Fair is fair. It's just
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: like you notice like, oh, we have some good things
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: where we are. You get to appreciate that. But then
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: also the need to work as your method of reward.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, nah, it shouldn't be that. It should be
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: work to play. Like how much value we put on that. Yeah,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: it's like never any work till you die. And there,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: they're like, work for the weekend. You try to go
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: towards some fun. So there they have carnival season. It's
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: a month plus long. Parties, parties, parties. It's great. Jouvet,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: everyone's like, throwing paint on each other and mud. Jouvet? Jouvet. Jouvet?
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: It's like Jouvert. That's in Trinidad? Yeah, it's the night before.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: So you're up all night, you get two hours of sleep,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: then go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's Jouvet. Jouvet. J-O-U-V-R-T.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Everyone's fighting with... Wow. And they're fist fighting? No.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: They're fighting with paint. No, they're not. Yeah, they're in
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: a great mood. It's all pretty safe. Let's look about Jouvet.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Can you find me any information on it?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: It looks beautiful. It's the day before. So color.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Creole traditions.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Wow. Such as Can Boulay. Can Boulay. What is that? Yeah,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: it sounds so fucking weird. Click on Can Boulay. And
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: it comes from some weird version of Christianity and slavery celebrating.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, Can Bule is a precursor to Trinidad and
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Tobago Carnival. The festival is also where calypso music has
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: its roots.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm, steel drum. You know why they did steel drum?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Because they outlawed drumming because they were like, you're like
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: riling people up. So like, well, let's get these abandoned
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: steel drums, like the oil drums. We'll make music out
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: of that. Wow. Go back to that information, Nick.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: It was originally a harvest festival. It was drum, singing, dancing,
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: and chanting were an integral part Oh, yep. Can Bule
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: has played an important role in the development of the
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: music of Trinidad and Tobago for it was the banning
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool. Yeah, here's me in my fucking costume.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Isn't that fun? Yeah, yeah, buh-buh. It was so fucking fun.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: So he showed us how to do it, my friend Brian. Dude,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: that's so cool. You look like a native, bro. Yeah,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I got lost in it. You look so native. It
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: was so fun. I mean, they party. They do it right.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: There's no status. There's no any of that. What do
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: you mean they party? They go to let loose. Like
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: a Filipino lady and all the Filipinos in China and stuff,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: when it's the weekend, they party. They just dance on
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: the docks together. They go for it. They're like, let's
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: let loose. It's not about like, which table am I at?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Who's going to be here? Yeah. It's the party for
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: the sake of party, and it's like the downstairs on
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: the Titanic. Yeah. You know?
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: out here.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I think you definitely notice that more in big cities. Yeah,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: club life. Clubbing in Europe is about, like, doing drugs
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: and dancing. Yeah. And here it's about, like, bottle service
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: and velvet ropes.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: Prestige, yeah. Yeah, that kind of stuff starts to disappear
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: once you even get there. out of, I feel like,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: some of the bigger cities. I always notice, too, that
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Australians travel the most, I felt like.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like they go do it. It's how they.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: We can't even comprehend it. No. You see one in
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: the audience, like, oh, what are you doing here? It's like,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I'm on holiday. Yeah. And you're like, oh, so just
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: LA in the back? Like, no, LA, Vegas, Miami. Yeah.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: And then Copenhagen, London, whatever. Like, how long are you
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: going for? Oh, yeah, well, Field of Dreams we're going to.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: There's always, like, one outlier thing they're going to see. Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: It's like, why nobody goes there?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they go for, like, two months. I know.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: It is really incredible, huh? It's almost like that Amish thing, like...
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: What's the, where they go to?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, Rumspringa. Rumspringa. Yeah.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Australians almost have that. We're like, I'm going to go
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: see the world. And Australians, all they really want to
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: do is try the different Cokes from around the country.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, they like doing cocaine? Yeah. They love it. And
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: they have the worst.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: They love it the most and have the worst. Yeah.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: So it's like, imagine you dunking. I love to dunk,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: but I can't really do it because I can't really
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: do it. But then you go to like the moon
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: and you're like, I can dunk now. All you want
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: to do is just dunk all day. I believe. Yeah.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Just fucking jumping. Right past the sun. Where do you
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: want to go? Still Argentina? Yeah. Bariloche. You know a place?
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Map that for me. Let's see. Bariloche. Where the women
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: swim like swine. Let me see it. You don't know
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: how to spell that? Yeah, I was going to say,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: how do we spell it? I mean. It's up to you, really.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You're a great American. Yeah, it's up to fucking you, bro.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It's up to you, boy. Mira Loche. Mira Loche. Why
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: that place? Where'd you hear about that?
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: You just heard about it from somebody? It's so funny
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: when you hear about something and you're a kid and
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: you just remember it forever, you know?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, I gotta go there. Time with Bon Jovi. Wow. Wow. Oh,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: so it gets cold there too. Oh, it looks perfect.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: It does look perfect. San Carlos to Mira Loche. Looks beautiful.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Halifax is beautiful. You've been there. I just went for
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: the first time. Did you? I've been trying to go
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: to Eastern Canada for so fucking long and my Jews
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I want to go. And they go, fine,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: only winter. I'm like, no, no. You gotta be outside
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: during that. Like, you'll draw less. I'm like, who? Guys,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: get me out there. And I finally went. I loved it. Beautiful. Weird,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: cool people. Isolated. Yeah. Strange, different people. Real fucking, what's
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: that movie where they put that guy in a box?
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And they burned it alive. I think one of them,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I think Nicolas Cage did a remake of it. Match, Dick. Match, Dick.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Wicker Man? Wicker Man. It looks like Wicker Man-ish for sure. Yeah,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: it was great. Yeah, I love that. La Crosse, Wisconsin
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: was a place that I liked in America. Yeah, outside
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Mount Pelier. Very beautiful. It's just like a perfect place.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I've been doing that now a lot. When I meet
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: somebody from another country, I'm like, what's your tips? And
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: they go, oh, well, go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, no, no.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: You're from Buenos Aires. It can be a restaurant, a bar,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: or where you go hiking outside of there. Yeah. And
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm getting there. Give me the grassroots. Bariloche,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna write that one down. And that's La Crosse, Wisconsin.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I think it's one of the best little cities. Bariloche? Bariloche, yeah.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Where the women swim like swine.