Latest / Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland / Our Kids Need Healthy Boundaries (Lessons from Teaching, Part 3)

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Our Kids Need Healthy Boundaries (Lessons from Teaching, Part 3) · Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland

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Speaker 1: Purposely your life, God's purpose Listen it purposely dot com.
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Speaker 2: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Gospel Tech Podcast. My
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Speaker 2: name is Nathan Sutherland and this podcast is dedicated to
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Speaker 2: helping families love God and use tech. This is week
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Speaker 2: three of our lessons from teaching. I had a chance
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Speaker 2: to teach six months two thirds of a school here
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Speaker 2: this year, and as we reflect on that, I intended
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Speaker 2: to do one conversation, just get it through, and this
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Speaker 2: is part three. Wasn't intentional, but you know, it's been
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Speaker 2: a tree for me. I hope it's been helpful for you.
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Speaker 2: First week we talked about how kids are more capable
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Speaker 2: than they think and we can support that and believe
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Speaker 2: into that. Second week, last week we talked about how
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Speaker 2: they kids love. Kids of all ages and generations love
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Speaker 2: fun at the pace of real life. Sometimes they just
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Speaker 2: don't know how to have that fun and they will
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Speaker 2: often pick that fun over their digital distraction. When people
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Speaker 2: are involved and when and it is high quality, engaging hangouts,
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Speaker 2: they want to be known, They want to know others.
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Speaker 2: They will even set down their tech to be a
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Speaker 2: part of that, but they need some practice. Third, and finally,
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Speaker 2: this week is going to be My third takeaway is
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Speaker 2: that our kids need healthy boundaries. The idea here is
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Speaker 2: to encourage you not to shame you. So you might
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Speaker 2: hear yourself crushing this. Good on you, that's great. You
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Speaker 2: might hear yourself going, oh, no, like I am not
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Speaker 2: doing as well as either I feel like I should,
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Speaker 2: or as I feel like Nathan's telling me to, or
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Speaker 2: even I'm not doing the job that I want to
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Speaker 2: be able to do, not even just should do, but
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Speaker 2: like I know how to do it, I'm just not
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Speaker 2: doing it. Please hear, parents, guardians, mentors, teachers. I am
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Speaker 2: not here to shame you and tell you to be
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Speaker 2: more like me. I'm here to remind all of us
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Speaker 2: of what God says is true about our young people
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Speaker 2: and about where tech can fit into that. When it
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Speaker 2: comes to kids needing healthy boundaries, our kids need them.
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Speaker 2: There's a reason where adults. There's a reason in our
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Speaker 2: loving country we have rules about minors because we understand
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Speaker 2: both physiology that these individuals are not fully capable of
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Speaker 2: making long term choices with long term consequences. Yet, so
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Speaker 2: a little bit of this is how their body's made,
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Speaker 2: a little bit of this is where their brains are at.
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Speaker 2: But third, and finally, we are told in the Bible
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Speaker 2: that we are going to raise them up in the
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Speaker 2: way they should go. That kids are a gift from
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Speaker 2: God given to parents, and that parents are a gift
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Speaker 2: to children because we have wisdom. But we also have
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Speaker 2: a walk with the Lord, and it's established and it's tested,
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Speaker 2: and we've been refined even though we asked the Lord
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Speaker 2: not to. And the way we gained patience wasn't because
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Speaker 2: God magically dropped it into our basket of tools, but
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Speaker 2: he showed us patience and then he brought us through
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Speaker 2: events that required patients. And so we have parents to
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Speaker 2: model right living, repentance, and correction, and we have a
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Speaker 2: heavenly father who does that for us. And the metaphor
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Speaker 2: of a father from God is what we are looking
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Speaker 2: at here, is that there is a heavenly parent who
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Speaker 2: loves and does what is best for us, and we're
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Speaker 2: going to pass it on to our children. So when
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Speaker 2: I say, please, our kids need healthy boundaries, hear me
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Speaker 2: saying it's okay if you're not doing great today. The
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Speaker 2: point isn't parental perfection. The point is a God who's perfect,
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Speaker 2: who calls parents to love their kids and inaction is
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Speaker 2: both unloving and unacceptable. To see something hurt our kids
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Speaker 2: and do nothing is indifference and hatred. I want to
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Speaker 2: repeat that, to see something hurt our children and do nothing.
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Speaker 2: This could be a bully, This could be a stranger.
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Speaker 2: This could be our culture. This could be food that
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Speaker 2: your kid is eating. This could be something your child
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Speaker 2: is doing to himself or herself. This could be a
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Speaker 2: situation your child is in. This could be a piece
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Speaker 2: of technology. If you know it hurts your kid. Then
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Speaker 2: comes the parenting piece where we step in, and it
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Speaker 2: is absolutely loving to intervene when a young person is
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Speaker 2: experiencing harm if it is in fact tech that's doing that,
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Speaker 2: and tech will with no boundaries, it will cause harm
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Speaker 2: at some point. It's our job then to lovingly interview.
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Speaker 2: And that's what I'm saying. So I'm not blaming your past.
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Speaker 2: I'm not shaming on what you could do in the future.
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Speaker 2: I'm saying today, with this moment you've got, let's pick
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Speaker 2: one thing to love and the step out. Your child
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Speaker 2: is not a problem to fix. That's not this conversation.
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Speaker 2: Your child is a person to love, and I just
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Speaker 2: I want to start with that as our preface. On
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Speaker 2: this that I'm not telling you how to be a
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Speaker 2: better person or to be more like me, and I'm
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Speaker 2: not blaming you. If something's gone wrong or is going wrong,
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Speaker 2: that is not this conversation. This conversation is instead, let's assess,
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Speaker 2: if it's going right, how can we continue to use
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Speaker 2: the best tech well? And if it's going wrong, we
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Speaker 2: are then morally obligated to step in on our child's
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Speaker 2: behalf and say this is not safe, this is not good.
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Speaker 2: I'm a good parent. I give eggs, not scorpions. We're
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Speaker 2: dealing with a scorpion. Let's start by removing the harm,
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Speaker 2: and let's start finding out how to be healthy. And
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Speaker 2: that's going to be a conversation and a journey and
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Speaker 2: unique to your kid and your situation in life. And
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Speaker 2: I get all of that, and there are basic truths
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Speaker 2: who can walk out. The first is your child needs
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Speaker 2: healthy boundaries, meaning a parent who says yes to good
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Speaker 2: things and a loving parent who says no too bad things. Parents,
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Speaker 2: you must say no at some point to some technology.
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Speaker 2: It's not your child's job to limit him herself or herself.
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Speaker 2: When there's technology that's designed for engagement by trillion dollar
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Speaker 2: companies and then thrown into their hands. So please, so
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Speaker 2: please give them boundaries. Let's start with just two really
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Speaker 2: simple ones. First, no drool tech in the bedroom. There's
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Speaker 2: tool tech that helps us create. There's drool tech that
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Speaker 2: helps us consume. It's designed similar to tool tech. It
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Speaker 2: will help you achieve goals, but it always comes with
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Speaker 2: a goal of its own. Drooel tech is designed to
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Speaker 2: take your time focusing money. This can be something as
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Speaker 2: simple as notifications or likes and followers. This can be
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Speaker 2: levels or rewards and feedback. This could be a social
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Speaker 2: platform where fear of missing out is often in their feeds.
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Speaker 2: Algorithms that direct content to you, infinite scrolls, swipe to refresh.
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Speaker 2: These are all examples of behavioral design that get people
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Speaker 2: to come back and repeat a behavior, not because they
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Speaker 2: want tour to achieve their goals, but because they've been
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Speaker 2: trained to. I bring that up because we get screens
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Speaker 2: out of the bedroom, the bedroom becomes a place of rest,
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Speaker 2: it becomes a place of work. And by screens I
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Speaker 2: mean smart TVs, laptops, one to one devices, tablets, gaming consoles,
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Speaker 2: personal phones. I would show you my phone, but it's
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Speaker 2: what's recording me right now. But These phones don't need
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Speaker 2: to be our alarm clocks. No one needs a one
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Speaker 2: thousand dollars alarm clock. We can buy them for fifty bucks,
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Speaker 2: but whatever you choose to land on. We need an
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Speaker 2: alarm clock to wake up, not all of the internet
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Speaker 2: at our beck and call. The phone and the internet
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Speaker 2: and social media video games should not be the last
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Speaker 2: thing we look at before bed and the first thing
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Speaker 2: we look at when we wake up. We as humans
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Speaker 2: need the ability to lower our cortisol levels before bed.
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Speaker 2: And it's very easy to get over stimulated, even doing
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Speaker 2: something as simple as you check the news. I know
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Speaker 2: it's not interactive stimulating, but that is gonna get you
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Speaker 2: fired up. It should not be the last thing you
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Speaker 2: look at. And it's great that you use it to
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Speaker 2: read your Bible right before bed, but just buy a bible.
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Speaker 2: Support the industry. Go ahead, go drop a few dollars
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Speaker 2: on a Bible. I think I saw them on like
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Speaker 2: thrift books or something for like twelve dollars for our hardback.
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Speaker 2: Like you don't have to break the bank to get
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Speaker 2: just a regular old fashioned Bible and it's analog and
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Speaker 2: no ads and high resolution, and it'll work. It'll be
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Speaker 2: a good gift for you, So no tech in the bedroom,
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Speaker 2: buy one for your kid too. Start there, and then
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Speaker 2: we can start something like a meal that we all
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Speaker 2: eat together. So maybe we have to put that into
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Speaker 2: our calendar. It can be breakfast, it can be launch,
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Speaker 2: it can be dinner, but a meal we're gonna eat
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Speaker 2: together and we're gonna be tech free during meal times.
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Speaker 2: So when I'm eating with my family, my phone goes away,
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Speaker 2: the screens go off, and again, Okay, World Cup is
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Speaker 2: happening right now, So if the World Cup game that
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Speaker 2: your family wants to watch, and you're gonna eat in
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Speaker 2: front of the World Cup game, and this is gonna
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Speaker 2: be like one of those movie night things like Okay,
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Speaker 2: it's once every four years. And the US actually isn't
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Speaker 2: terrible this year. I don't know what country you're listening in,
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Speaker 2: but here in America, it's pretty cool this year that
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Speaker 2: we can actually play a little football. But that's a
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Speaker 2: unique situation again, super Bowl, Olympics. I'm saying on the nightly,
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Speaker 2: we're going to turn off our devices, spend time together.
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Speaker 2: The reason this is important is, yes, the rest is
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Speaker 2: the accountability that then happens. Most our digital mistakes are
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Speaker 2: made when we're alone, when we're tired, when we're feeling anxious,
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Speaker 2: when we're hungry. So we want to make sure that
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Speaker 2: we are having high success locations to use our tech.
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Speaker 2: And most the unsafe strangers and the pornography your child
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Speaker 2: bumps into is going to come through social media. So
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Speaker 2: the more access they have that to that technology into
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Speaker 2: those platforms, especially late at night when you're not awake,
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Speaker 2: the more odds are that it's going to either go
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Speaker 2: undetected or it's going to be an unhelpful interaction. And
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Speaker 2: I that was a weird way to say that strangers
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Speaker 2: in pornography, unsafe strangers in pornography are always unhelpful. The
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Speaker 2: quick catch is a mercy from the Lord. And when
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Speaker 2: we're awake and when it's the middle of the day
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Speaker 2: and when it's in a public space, the odds of
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Speaker 2: us finding that unsafe and turn it into a helpful
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Speaker 2: conversation is higher. And so I'm not wanting that on
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Speaker 2: any of our kids. But I was having this conversation
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Speaker 2: with one of my children and talking about Adam and
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Speaker 2: Eve in the garden and how they sin against God.
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Speaker 2: The first thing they did was hide because they knew
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Speaker 2: God would come look for them. He was walking in
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Speaker 2: the garden in the cool of the evening and they
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Speaker 2: hit and he goes, why are you hiding because we're naked.
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Speaker 2: He's like, who told you were naked? And this conversation
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Speaker 2: is them getting caught very quickly. And then God says,
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Speaker 2: we should kick them out of the garden because if
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Speaker 2: they go and eat from the tree of life and
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Speaker 2: this condition, they'll live forever apart from us. Right that
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Speaker 2: the idea of God completely separated from humanity forever is hell.
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Speaker 2: And the most loving thing God could do in that
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Speaker 2: moment was remove humanity, who is now choosing right and
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Speaker 2: wrong for himself herself, saying, God, we want you, but
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Speaker 2: like we want some say in what we think you're doing.
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Speaker 2: So God goes, all right, we must kick them out
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Speaker 2: of the garden of Heathen, And in doing this humanity
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Speaker 2: is removed. But God lovingly clothes them. God lovingly so
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Speaker 2: physically covers them, promises redemption Genesis three, p. Fifteen. Will
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Speaker 2: there will eventually be a day where Satan's defeated sin
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Speaker 2: is conquered and death is no more So like I
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Speaker 2: promise this will be accomplished, And you can't be here
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Speaker 2: because this will only hurt you more. That is a
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Speaker 2: mercy that they got quick. They got caught quickly, and
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Speaker 2: that's what we're talking about with the location and the
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Speaker 2: type of technology our children is we're praying for, certainly
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Speaker 2: and acting on the idea that we want the mercy
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Speaker 2: of catching them quickly so we can yell let them,
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Speaker 2: not so that we can teach them a lesson in
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Speaker 2: terms of punishment, and then like you'll think before you
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Speaker 2: do that again, but instead saying no, I love you,
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Speaker 2: and I want your mistakes to be fast, not like
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Speaker 2: Google fails fast, but like we wanted to be quick
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Speaker 2: on catching it so that it doesn't have a lot
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Speaker 2: of time to fester, so that secondary sins don't come
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Speaker 2: out of right, the lies and the shame and the
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Speaker 2: beliefs and the habits that come out of those hidden sins.
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Speaker 2: We want them to be exposed very quickly, much like
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Speaker 2: God exposed Adam and Eve's sin very quickly, and certainly
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Speaker 2: consequences follow. Not because we hate you, but because there
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Speaker 2: are consequences for these things. And as part of this,
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Speaker 2: we can now move forward in relationship because I love
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Speaker 2: you and I'm going to keep seeking you out so
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Speaker 2: that's part of the reason we get technology out. Yes,
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Speaker 2: for their safety. Yes, because of the development. Yes for
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Speaker 2: things like sleep and rest, and we want the failures
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Speaker 2: to be caught quickly. Parents, as we strive to raise
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Speaker 2: kids who love God and use tech. It's intimidating to
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Speaker 2: look at this next stage of life and think about
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Speaker 2: what academics may look like for them. When you're thinking
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Speaker 2: about college, consider George Fox University for your children because
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Speaker 2: of three things. First, it's going to give you a
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Speaker 2: more intimate, known environment where they have focus on being
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Speaker 2: known personally, academically and spiritually. Your child will grow in
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Speaker 2: their faith. Ninety three percent of undergrad students at George
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Speaker 2: Fox last year through the twenty twenty five academic year
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Speaker 2: said that being at George Fox has helped them grow
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Speaker 2: in their relationship with Jesus. We also want them to
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Speaker 2: grow academically, which means being a part of university with
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Speaker 2: rigorous academic standards and opportunities to be engaged. They have
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Speaker 2: a nationally recognized engineering, nursing, and education programs, as well
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Speaker 2: as chances to study abroad here within the US and
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Speaker 2: then internationally and finally personally, to be part of a
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Speaker 2: vibrant campus atmosphere where you can play intramural sports or
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Speaker 2: part of their NCAA Division three athletic programs with twenty
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Speaker 2: three sports available. The goal here is to go to
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Speaker 2: a place that's going to support your goals, not try
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Speaker 2: to make you support theirs, to have that goal be
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Speaker 2: to raise you up to be all God's called you
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Speaker 2: to be, and to truly equip your young person with
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Speaker 2: my in my case, my son's for my daughter to
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Speaker 2: love God and then from their love of God to
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Speaker 2: go wherever God has called them, and that includes being
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Speaker 2: equipped with a degree that'll help them do that, to
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Speaker 2: be missionally equipped to love and serve others, to lead
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Speaker 2: where God has planned the man, to know the Gospel
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Speaker 2: for themselves and be able to share it with others.
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Speaker 2: So George Fox University is an amazing resource for our kids,
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Speaker 2: for our community here in the Northwest, and for anyone
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Speaker 2: who's looking to raise up a young person who can
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Speaker 2: love God and from that love others. Okay, part of
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Speaker 2: catching fielders quickly is safe boundaries. I call these hedges.
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Speaker 2: We want hedge around our family. We want to hedge
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Speaker 2: around our devices and hedge around our network family. We
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Speaker 2: need to talk about what kind of tech we use,
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Speaker 2: when we use it, what kind of content we use.
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Speaker 2: So if you go, okay, what tech should even be
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Speaker 2: in my house? Very simple ask is it safe? Is
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Speaker 2: my child ready? And is the outcome good? Is it
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Speaker 2: safe on its face? Is this designed to be safe
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Speaker 2: for my child? If there is open and on that
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Speaker 2: device answers no, hands down, No, that is not a
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Speaker 2: safe device by design. Doesn't mean no one should use it. It
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Speaker 2: doesn't mean your child shouldn't use it. It means it
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Speaker 2: is not safe. So I mean the best example would
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Speaker 2: be something that's designed like a hunting rifle. Right, hunting
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Speaker 2: rifles are not safe. They are not designed to be safe.
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Speaker 2: They're designed to be a tool for hunting, so in
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Speaker 2: that they can be used safely by people that are
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Speaker 2: mature enough, old enough, strong enough, and have enough wherewithal
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Speaker 2: and knowledge and training. So the device itself is not safe,
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Speaker 2: and yet because of what it's designed to do, and
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Speaker 2: yet it can be used well. And so we're holding that.
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Speaker 2: Think of that, I guess then in terms of digital
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Speaker 2: when it comes to something like a smartphone, smartphones by
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Speaker 2: design are not safe. They're not intended to be. They
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Speaker 2: do not connect to an Internet that is designed to
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Speaker 2: be safe. In fact, that's been one of the great
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Speaker 2: design struggles of the last decad eight and a half.
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Speaker 2: Every time we've tried to make the Internet more safe,
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Speaker 2: all we do is put kids in a barrel and
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Speaker 2: tell all the unsafe people where.
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Speaker 1: To find them.
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Speaker 2: It is a tricky bit of design to figure out.
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Speaker 2: Now we're trying age gating and like, oh, just upload
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Speaker 2: your ID and then will verify who you are and
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Speaker 2: what age you are, which gives its own cybersecurity risks.
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Speaker 2: So what I'm saying is we need to ask is
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Speaker 2: it safe by design? The safest technology by design is
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Speaker 2: going to be tool tech with no browser, with no
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Speaker 2: app store, and some kind of accountability baked in. So again,
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Speaker 2: tool tech tech that helps you create. So it's going
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Speaker 2: to be I'm just going to throw out an example
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Speaker 2: Microsoft Word or Apple pages. So these are designed to
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Speaker 2: help you create, They save, they share, you edit, and
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Speaker 2: then walk away. And currently, I know I've heard about
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Speaker 2: rumors of products for a particular company with a particular
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Speaker 2: AI who is dreaming about being able to send you products,
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Speaker 2: suggestions or co write with you as you're doing it.
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Speaker 1: Horrible idea.
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Speaker 2: Please don't do that. But that's more existential than this
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Speaker 2: conversation's meant to be. What we're saying then is Okay,
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Speaker 2: there's tool tech, and it is going to be safe
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Speaker 2: by design. When my children use tooltech, either because they're
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Speaker 2: coding a game, or they are writing something on a computer,
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Speaker 2: or they're making a power point, that part of it
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Speaker 2: is tooltech. It has no strings attached. It's not trying
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Speaker 2: to build behavioral loops. That too, technology is druel tech
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Speaker 2: that becomes unsafe by design because it's nudging. So this
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Speaker 2: can be as simple as dual lingo. It can be YouTube,
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Speaker 2: it can be any major social media platform. It uses
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Speaker 2: all the tricks to increase engagement, even if there's showing
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Speaker 2: signs of your child being unhealthy. We know this because
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Speaker 2: twenty twenty one and twenty twenty four Meta has leaked documents.
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Speaker 2: This shows they both know the harm they're causing. That
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Speaker 2: it then increases the likelihood of those young people running
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Speaker 2: into harmful content. But they know that this happens, they
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Speaker 2: know the rate at which it happens, they know how
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Speaker 2: that rate increases based on the growth of unhealthy behaviors.
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Speaker 2: So that being said, is it safe if it has
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Speaker 2: drool tech on it, entertainment engagement tech. Not safe. If
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Speaker 2: it has direct access to the Internet, meaning a browser Safari, Chrome, Firefox, whatever,
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Speaker 2: it's not safe but design so now, if it's not safe,
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Speaker 2: then we go Okay, it's my child ready though. If
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Speaker 2: your child is sixteen and has shown faithfulness in little
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Speaker 2: things wonderful like your child's RESET is what I would
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Speaker 2: point you to. Relationships, emotion, sleep, enjoyment time. If your
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Speaker 2: child has a healthy reset, is sixteen years old and
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Speaker 2: says mom or dad, I want to connect with my friends,
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Speaker 2: I want to be on social media, you can begin
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Speaker 2: that conversation. I would always encourage you to start safe
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Speaker 2: on a device that you control and then release it
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Speaker 2: with it. You know you're using this grape and this
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Speaker 2: is clearly productive. Yes you can. We're going to roll
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Speaker 2: out it on your own personal device. You don't need
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Speaker 2: social media before sixteen. And if you're using it for
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Speaker 2: more than sixteen or sorry, thirty minutes a day using
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Speaker 2: it wrong, you can catch up with all your friends,
18:02
Speaker 2: the modern news, the coolest dance moves, post your own content,
18:05
Speaker 2: and get off in under thirty minutes. If you are
18:09
Speaker 2: literally running an account, you can use the admin side
18:13
Speaker 2: where you don't have to actually be on the platform.
18:15
Speaker 2: But this, this is what I do. I'm barely ever
18:17
Speaker 2: on actual social media. I use it for a living.
18:21
Speaker 2: I do ministry through social medias and we can do
18:25
Speaker 2: that with very little actual time on there. So I
18:29
Speaker 2: bring that up because we need hedges around our family.
18:32
Speaker 2: We have to talk about when we use it, where
18:34
Speaker 2: we use it, and the type of content, the type
18:36
Speaker 2: of tech we're actually using, and that type of tech
18:38
Speaker 2: is safe? Ready good is the last part? Just is
18:42
Speaker 2: it going well? We just want to make sure that
18:43
Speaker 2: we are having an open conversation with our family all
18:46
Speaker 2: the time about I love you, I'm going to give
18:48
Speaker 2: you good gifts. I'm going to find ways to say yes.
18:50
Speaker 2: And if I say no, it's because something is wrong
18:53
Speaker 2: and either I'm not sure what the cause is or
18:56
Speaker 2: I am sure and I love you too much to
18:58
Speaker 2: give you this thing that will hurt you. So just
19:01
Speaker 2: be very clear, you're welcome to use those words. If
19:03
Speaker 2: you see something wrong in a reset, you can simply
19:05
Speaker 2: say I love you too much to give you this
19:07
Speaker 2: thing that I know is going to hurt you or others.
19:10
Speaker 2: So instead we're going to do this other option. We're
19:11
Speaker 2: going to learn from our mistakes and we're going to say, hey,
19:13
Speaker 2: some of us are the weaker brother, the weaker sister,
19:16
Speaker 2: and we can't be around this thing without our hearts
19:19
Speaker 2: going sideways. So we need to find out is this
19:22
Speaker 2: something that you just need more practice with or is
19:26
Speaker 2: this something you just need to recognize going into adulthood.
19:28
Speaker 2: You are wired different and it's a bad choice for you,
19:31
Speaker 2: me and video games. Right, some of us, that's just
19:34
Speaker 2: where we are, and our faithfulness is simply trusting the
19:36
Speaker 2: Lord is still good even though we can't have this tech.
19:39
Speaker 2: So our boundaries around our family boundaries are in our
19:41
Speaker 2: network is going to look like wireless accountability for our network.
19:48
Speaker 2: So I use the Griffin router. Currently, I'm looking at
19:51
Speaker 2: the product the FIREWALLA and the Bark Home is one
19:53
Speaker 2: that works very well. All three of these have apps
19:56
Speaker 2: you can use to set individual device settings. You can
19:59
Speaker 2: set technology bedtimes. Everything from your smart TV to your Rumba,
20:05
Speaker 2: to your nest, to your front door camera, to your
20:09
Speaker 2: Xbox one to one device from school like everything can
20:12
Speaker 2: have its wireless internet controlled and monitored. So for the Griffin,
20:17
Speaker 2: for example, I have to go through my entire home
20:20
Speaker 2: and find every device, and I have to go on
20:22
Speaker 2: that device and find its IP address, and so it's
20:26
Speaker 2: nine to one dot. And then it comes all these
20:28
Speaker 2: letters or all these other numbers, and I have to
20:30
Speaker 2: go find them because they don't always self populate, like oh,
20:33
Speaker 2: that's my Ebsen printer, or that's our LGTV, or that's
20:38
Speaker 2: our peloton. And then I put them in categories. I
20:41
Speaker 2: have a mom and dad category. I have a family
20:44
Speaker 2: including kids category, and I have a guest category. You
20:46
Speaker 2: can make more if you want, and then the guest stuff.
20:49
Speaker 2: For example, Internet shuts off at eight pm. Kids stuff.
20:53
Speaker 2: Internet shuts off at eight pm, Mom and dad stuff.
20:57
Speaker 2: Internet stays on. So this is where we'd have any
20:59
Speaker 2: wireless connect did you know, Like the Roombus and the
21:02
Speaker 2: Nest thermostat, it stays on there. And they have different
21:06
Speaker 2: safety settings. So I can watch videos on YouTube that
21:10
Speaker 2: my children cannot access because there's defaults to safe search mode.
21:14
Speaker 2: So there's even like dude perfect Airsoft videos won't show
21:16
Speaker 2: up under their accounts, but it will show up on
21:19
Speaker 2: your mind. I share that because you need a way
21:22
Speaker 2: to functionally parent the Internet you're providing your kids it's
21:25
Speaker 2: in your house. You pay the bill on that. You're
21:27
Speaker 2: giving them access to it. You are responsible for that Internet.
21:31
Speaker 2: If this sounds overwhelming, you either don't provide the internet
21:34
Speaker 2: or you don't provide the device to get on the internet.
21:38
Speaker 2: That you have to have network level security and you
21:42
Speaker 2: need the ability to clear new devices when they join
21:45
Speaker 2: your WiFi. So if someone brings over device and say
21:48
Speaker 2: I want on your Wi Fi, you have to say
21:49
Speaker 2: yay or nay on that. If they can just join
21:51
Speaker 2: your Wi Fi, then burner devices will be brought in
21:54
Speaker 2: old iPhone elevens that some kids older brother or sister
21:58
Speaker 2: just left laying around because they got a new cool
22:01
Speaker 2: phone and they didn't turn in the old one because
22:02
Speaker 2: a lot of places don't require that anymore. So now
22:05
Speaker 2: they have this old phone. It doesn't have cell service,
22:07
Speaker 2: but it can still jump on your WiFi. That's why
22:09
Speaker 2: we want basic safety settings. So someone comes sleepover, someone
22:13
Speaker 2: comes over after school, someone gives it to your kid
22:15
Speaker 2: at school, and your kid takes it into his or
22:17
Speaker 2: her room and uses it. Your Wi Fi boundaries will
22:20
Speaker 2: find that we use the Griffin router, so it's an
22:22
Speaker 2: actual thing that provides our wireless Internet but the FIREWALLA
22:26
Speaker 2: plugs into any network, including your private servers if you're
22:28
Speaker 2: into that, and the bark would be the easiest entry.
22:31
Speaker 2: You just plug it in, open an app, and it
22:33
Speaker 2: gives you basic functionality. Great when you're first starting this
22:36
Speaker 2: journey of Internet safety at home. And third and finally,
22:39
Speaker 2: we need device level safety. Please provide boundaries for your
22:43
Speaker 2: children when it comes to the devices they have access to.
22:46
Speaker 2: If it's a tablet or if it's a smartphone of
22:49
Speaker 2: their own, just make sure that there's accountability. Start with
22:52
Speaker 2: parental controls. The level of screen control you can have
22:54
Speaker 2: from there is pretty high. The downside is the apps,
22:57
Speaker 2: because the Apple App Store still allows only age bands,
23:02
Speaker 2: so they'll be like, this is the eight year old
23:04
Speaker 2: and under band, so anything that we've cleared as eight
23:08
Speaker 2: and under can be on there. Well, there are apps
23:09
Speaker 2: in the eight and under age range. They still have
23:12
Speaker 2: unhealthy content on them and yeah, visuals and content that
23:17
Speaker 2: you would not want your young child running into. So
23:20
Speaker 2: that's problematic. Just know that if you're using an Apple device,
23:24
Speaker 2: they do not let you release apps one at a time,
23:27
Speaker 2: which is the functionality they need. The way around that
23:30
Speaker 2: is you say no App store you allow three different websites.
23:35
Speaker 2: For example, is you would end up saying, like, for
23:37
Speaker 2: our kids, you can use con Academy, you can use
23:39
Speaker 2: chest dot com. You can watch Disney Plus. Disney Plus
23:42
Speaker 2: has its own parental controls on it, so you can
23:45
Speaker 2: only watch PG or younger. So they can watch the
23:47
Speaker 2: bad Batch for Star Wars, they can watch Bluey whatever
23:51
Speaker 2: else they want to watch that we've cleared. I can
23:54
Speaker 2: see what they're watching because I have the Wi Fi
23:57
Speaker 2: level supervision, so I can see the websites. I can
24:00
Speaker 2: see the time that they go on there, and that
24:02
Speaker 2: allows me to trust them to that extent. So and
24:05
Speaker 2: and I are going to go on a walk. You
24:06
Speaker 2: guys can watch forty five minutes of shows. You watch
24:09
Speaker 2: one Bad Batch and three Bluey's right when I get back, Like,
24:13
Speaker 2: it's very easy to check on the app. YEP, sure enough,
24:16
Speaker 2: that's where you went. Things are going great. The computer's closed.
24:19
Speaker 2: It's been an hour, and I can prove that you
24:21
Speaker 2: watched forty five or less like we told you to.
24:24
Speaker 2: If they're not proven that, then they've just proven not
24:27
Speaker 2: faithful in a little thing. It's not a huge deal.
24:29
Speaker 2: I'm not going to freak out about this, I am
24:31
Speaker 2: going to say, hey, you know what, next time I
24:33
Speaker 2: go on a walk, we're not watching shows. We just
24:36
Speaker 2: need some time. Like, clearly there's a poll that's too strong,
24:39
Speaker 2: and you listened to your desire into this technology rather
24:42
Speaker 2: than listening to mom and dad. It is imperative that
24:45
Speaker 2: you listen to mom and dad because we love you.
24:47
Speaker 2: We're setting limits on tech because we care about you.
24:50
Speaker 2: I've had this conversation recently with my children of like, hey,
24:53
Speaker 2: what just happened. There was bad And while that was
24:57
Speaker 2: not good that you did the wrong thing, really bad
25:00
Speaker 2: part was, in this particular case, a lie did not
25:05
Speaker 2: only did you not admit it of your own accord,
25:07
Speaker 2: I had to ask you, and when I asked you,
25:09
Speaker 2: you were not honest much more concerned in the fact
25:14
Speaker 2: that you broke a boundary we had. And I say
25:16
Speaker 2: that out loud, I say, what I'm actually concerned about.
25:18
Speaker 2: Here is the lie you must tell me if I
25:22
Speaker 2: ask you, like if I'm going to trust you in anything.
25:24
Speaker 2: This was a dumb thing to lie about. First of all,
25:26
Speaker 2: like just measurably, I don't say that part, but like
25:29
Speaker 2: in my head, I'm like, this was not worth lying about.
25:31
Speaker 2: But what is important we focus on that the ethical,
25:35
Speaker 2: the heart piece of you are lying about the mistake
25:39
Speaker 2: that was made. I caught this mistake, but at the
25:42
Speaker 2: end of the day, like the mistakes are going to happen,
25:44
Speaker 2: You were going to make them on your best days
25:46
Speaker 2: and on your worst days. What is concerned is how
25:48
Speaker 2: do we handle that? And if you're not open in
25:50
Speaker 2: relationship and then I can't trust you, then like I'm
25:53
Speaker 2: going to have to take I guess, a big step
25:56
Speaker 2: back in terms of the boundaries that I can give you,
25:58
Speaker 2: and we have to put more space between you technology.
26:00
Speaker 2: I'm not mad at you. This isn't punishment, even if
26:03
Speaker 2: it feels like punishment. It's you saying I'm not safe
26:06
Speaker 2: and me saying I believe you, and I'm going to
26:09
Speaker 2: act accordingly now. And you can earn this back through trust,
26:13
Speaker 2: but not earn it back like through just good behavior,
26:15
Speaker 2: and like, well, now I like you, like I don't
26:16
Speaker 2: like you any less. I like you as much as ever,
26:19
Speaker 2: and I must act on this because I'm not a
26:21
Speaker 2: bad parent, and I see this hurting you, and I'm
26:23
Speaker 2: going to act on that. So we build hedges then
26:26
Speaker 2: around our network, around our devices, and around our families.
26:29
Speaker 2: Those on the device level. Parental Controls was the first
26:33
Speaker 2: I mentioned, and what is it? Google Family Time Family Play,
26:39
Speaker 2: But there's also two three softwares. Bark is really good
26:44
Speaker 2: on the social media side on any kind of computer
26:46
Speaker 2: or Android device. Covenantize is very good on the image side,
26:51
Speaker 2: and Custodio is for the kid who's made a mistake
26:54
Speaker 2: and now we're trying to set up like that wider
26:57
Speaker 2: ring of hedges. It just gives you more flexibility, but
27:00
Speaker 2: it's as close to policing rather than parenting as I'm
27:03
Speaker 2: comfortable getting. I don't currently own it or use it.
27:06
Speaker 2: It is literally like, okay, if we have something go
27:08
Speaker 2: off the rails, I will step into the custodio and
27:11
Speaker 2: it's qust so Custodio anyway, Family Device Network. We are
27:20
Speaker 2: providing loving boundaries for kids because we love them and
27:22
Speaker 2: we want them to use all the best tech well
27:24
Speaker 2: and I hope this is encouraging to you. If you
27:26
Speaker 2: have any questions, you can reach out to me Nathan
27:27
Speaker 2: at Gospel tech dot net or find these resources on Instagram, YouTube,
27:33
Speaker 2: Facebook at Love God Use Tech and then you can
27:35
Speaker 2: join us next week as we continue this conversation about
27:38
Speaker 2: how we can love God and use tech. I'll talk
27:40
Speaker 2: with you that