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S3E6 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: The Four Phases of Child-Centered Play Therapy · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the
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  Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are continuing with the Parenting Companion
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  series and we are going to talk through the phases
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  of child-centered play therapy today.
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  And why this is so important
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  is this gives us an understanding.
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  Of what will take place as a child processes things
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  through their therapeutic journey.
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  It's easy to say,
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  well,
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  if they're just going to play,
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  I don't really know how that's going to unfold or what that will look like.
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  And this episode is intended to kind of
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  unpack and and unravel
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  the confusion
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  around what's actually happening as the child is working through stuff
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  because we know kids will naturally bring stuff in
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  and work through the things that they need to,
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  we,
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  we trust that they know
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  the things that they need to address,
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  but it is actually very systematic in nature
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  and it has a prescribed process.
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  So that's what I want to make sure that we kind of discuss because
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  it can be overwhelming to make sense of something that doesn't seem to have
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  any kind of framework,
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  but the child-centered therapy process very much has a framework and there
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  are 4 phases and we'll look at each one, one at a time.
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  So the first is the initiation phase.
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  Essentially what that means is
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  when you reach out and say,
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  I really think that play therapy would help my child
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  and you meet with your play therapist.
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  They
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  are going to share with you the process,
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  but you are the only one that's had a connection with them at that point.
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  So the first time the child comes to a play session with you,
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  you are still a stranger to them.
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  So therefore
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  there are quite a few weeks that are spent,
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  usually an average of around 5,
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  sometimes less,
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  but we're looking at an average of 5 or so weeks spent in initiation phase,
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  which is essentially the child is getting to know you,
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  the therapist is getting to know the child.
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  The child is starting to feel more comfortable,
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  the child is building a relationship,
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  making sure that there's trust established,
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  making sure that there's a bond
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  that is created.
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  There's rapport,
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  that's a factor.
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  Everything about this process comes back to a solid relationship.
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  The therapeutic relationship
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  is
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  the most important factor in child-centered play therapy.
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  So
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  children usually spend upwards of 5 sessions
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  getting to know the therapist and feeling comfortable and safe
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  and ready to move into deeper stuff.
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  Sometimes we call it the honeymoon phase if you will,
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  because the first few weeks,
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  children are usually on their best behavior,
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  and they really want the therapist to like them.
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  And so there's kind of this expectation of I'm going to be
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  sweet and kind and obedient and whatever and that can only be sustained for so long,
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  but that is still the development of relationship
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  because a stranger in a strange place in a strange room
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  is not necessarily conducive
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  to a child opening up and having the willingness to be vulnerable.
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  So initiation upwards of 5 weeks,
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  that's the first phase.
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  Second phase
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  is resistance.
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  This is the one that parents like the least.
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  This is the one that therapists
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  prepare parents for the most,
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  because resistance is something that happens
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  in any person's therapeutic journey.
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  I know many of you have been in therapy yourselves.
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  Every single person
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  hits resistance in therapy.
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  Every single person
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  has that fork in the road
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  where you're working on stuff
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  and you come to this crossroad and you say,
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  do I really want to dive into this deep dark junk?
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  Am I ready?
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  Am I willing?
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  Am I capable?
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  Am I brave enough?
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  Am I strong enough?
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  Can I handle this?
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  do I want to go through this?
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  Wouldn't it be easier to just avoid this altogether?
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  Those are all rational thoughts though,
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  and as adults we have the luxury of critical thinking,
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  we have the luxury of abstract reasoning,
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  so we can think about these things.
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  Kids don't have that capacity,
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  so they feel
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  resistance.
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  And it's big and it's scary and it's overwhelming.
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  They don't have the luxury of saying,
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  oh,
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  I'll just cancel the appointment today.
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  They don't have the luxury of making up an excuse for why they can't make it.
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  They don't have the luxury of
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  saying that they got a flat tire.
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  So they come,
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  but it's not easy.
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  And resistance is something that every single person will go through.
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  It is a means to an end.
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  It is necessary.
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  What does it look like in a child?
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  Things get worse before they get better,
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  more often than not.
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  In other words,
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  you'll see an uptick in tantrums,
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  you'll see an uptick in aggression,
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  you'll see an uptick in emotion,
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  you'll see an uptick in defiance.
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  It's not in every environment necessarily,
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  sometimes it's only in the playroom,
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  sometimes it's only in the classroom,
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  sometimes it's only in the home,
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  sometimes it's only with friends.
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  It's not necessarily universal.
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  But we absolutely see a change
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  in the child's behavior.
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  Because essentially what's going on is they don't like something,
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  they don't feel equipped to handle something,
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  they're just not really sure exactly what that something is,
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  so they resist.
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  As we all do,
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  Being vulnerable is scary.
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  And therapy requires vulnerability.
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  So when they resist,
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  it is.
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  Necessary
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  It's appropriate.
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  It makes sense.
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  So you need to be prepared as a parent.
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  That
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  things might get a little bit sideways for a week or two.
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  Resistance is not typically long.
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  It's usually 1 to 2 weeks.
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  In rare cases it goes a little bit longer,
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  but it's a temporary means to an end,
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  and it's necessary
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  and quite honestly,
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  we celebrate it because when we hit resistance
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  and when the child works through it,
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  we know that we're ready to move into the work phase,
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  which is where change takes place.
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  And so resistance gets us there.
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  It's a little bit tricky it's a little bit ugly,
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  it's a little bit messy,
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  but once we move past resistance,
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  we know that we're ready to dive in
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  and this is where healing and growth and change takes place.
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  So then the work phase,
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  which is where we spend the bulk of our time.
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  Almost the entirety of
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  the process of therapy
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  with child-centered play therapy is spent in work.
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  Why?
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  Because this is when kids are addressing
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  their issues.
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  Whatever themes need to emerge,
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  whatever symbolic play needs to take place,
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  whatever issues need to be addressed,
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  whatever skills need to be gained and acquired,
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  whatever they need to work through that they're confused about
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  or
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  concerned about or stressed about or overwhelmed by
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  whatever the scenario is,
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  it's going to come up in work phase.
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  And this is the area during treatment where you're going to see
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  change.
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  And here's the caveat or disclaimer,
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  if you will.
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  You're not going to wake up one morning and go,
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  oh my goodness,
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  I just have this completely new human being living in my home.
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  It's not that kind of change.
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  It's gradual,
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  it's paced,
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  it's slow,
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  it's incremental.
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  And what will happen is,
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  over the course of 2 or 3 weeks,
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  you're going to have this revelation where you say,
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  wow,
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  mornings have actually been a lot easier lately.
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  Or
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  it's been 3 days since we've had a tantrum.
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  So you're going to reflectively look back over a
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  time period and realize that you are seeing improvement.
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  You are seeing change,
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  you are noticing growth.
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  It's not a
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  magic pill,
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  it's not a silver bullet.
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  It doesn't happen instantaneously.
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  Why?
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  Because most often it's taken us a really long time to get to where
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  we were.
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  Problems don't emerge overnight and they don't solve themselves overnight.
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  So if it's taken us quite a while to get to that point,
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  it's going to take us a little bit to get out of it as well.
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  And that's what the work phase does.
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  It gives children the opportunity to practice
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  new skills,
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  new ways of interacting.
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  Learn how to see themselves differently,
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  how to function differently,
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  how to behave differently.
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  And over time,
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  they make gradual steps toward a better version of themselves.
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  So that is work phase
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  and then
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  we move into the final phase once
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  you and the therapist are in agreement.
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  That were ready to wrap up.
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  And there are criteria by which the therapist will decide
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  whether or not it makes sense from a clinical side,
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  you're going to weigh in and determine whether it makes sense from the familial side
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  and in other environments.
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  And if everyone is in agreement,
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  it makes sense to wrap up,
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  we move in the termination phase.
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  This is a really important component
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  because what we do not want to happen.
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  Is everyone's pleased,
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  everyone's satisfied,
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  things are going really well
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  and
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  The implication is good,
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  we don't have to come anymore.
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  We have a phase
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  for a reason.
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  We don't just
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  cold turkey quit therapy.
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  It's extremely difficult on a child.
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  It does not allow for a child to process the closing of therapy.
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  It does not allow the child to process the closing
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  of the relationship that they've built with the therapist.
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  In most cases,
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  kids have spent an hour each week with a therapist for a long time.
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  It's a significant person in their life.
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  And to have that person just yanked out of their life without so much as a goodbye.
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  That's actually really difficult and damaging for a child.
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  Most kids don't get the benefit of a happy and a healthy goodbye.
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  And the child-centered play therapy process has a termination phase to ensure
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  that the child learns
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  that
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  it's OK
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  to
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  end a relationship.
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  It can be a positive thing.
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  We celebrate the work that's been done.
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  We have some special things on our last session.
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  There's a very purposeful process.
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  By which the child can prepare
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  to do life without therapy.
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  They often incorrectly think that the reason why
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  they feel better is because of the therapist.
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  They feel better because of the work that they've done,
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  but they need to prove that to themselves.
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  And they need to prepare for the loss of that connection.
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  They will actually grieve
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  the ending of the relationship and therapy.
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  And we give them 5 or so weeks to do that.
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  So that is the termination phase.
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  So hopefully that gives you a sense of what the
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  process is going to be like when you pursue therapy,
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  and it's very scripted
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  on purpose.
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  Because we know that following these phases
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  is the path
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  to
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  the child becoming a better version of themselves.
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  So every single phase serves a function,
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  every single phase serves a purpose.
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  And as we allow those to unfold,
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  we know that we're getting closer and closer
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  to
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  the outcome that we all want,
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  which is a happy and healthy and well adjusted child.
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  So those are the phases of the child-centered play therapy model.
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  Hope that that answers some questions and makes it a little more
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  tangible as far as what's going on and when and why.
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  And we're going to continue with this series next time.
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  I would love to hear from you all.
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  If you wanna send me a question,
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  send me a thought,
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  say hello.
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  I read every single email.
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  I do not have someone that filters them.
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  I don't have someone that vets them for me.
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  They all come to me.
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  I read every single one.
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  I reply to every single one.
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  So if you would like to reach out,
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  I'd love to hear from you,
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  brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  For those of you who
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  are in the throes of difficulty with your kids,
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  whether you're working with a therapist or not.
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  I hope that this is encouraging you to realize that there is hope,
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  there is help.
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  And there is an empirically supported effective method.
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  That allows your child to work through the stuff that they need to.
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  And
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  find a child-centered play therapist in your area if you haven't already.
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  It will change your child's world,
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  it will change your world,
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  and it will change the future.
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  That's one of the greatest gifts that we have as child-centered play therapists.
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  We see the long range impact that child-centered play
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  therapy has because it's not just the immediate,
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  it's long term as well.
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  So there is hope,
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  transformation is possible.
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  And child-centered play therapy is one of the ways by which you can
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  get to the outcome that you want for your children and your family.
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  So I love you all.
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  I appreciate you spending time with me each week.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to
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  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
• 14:15
  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.