Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 61 | What They Didn’t See

Transcript

Ep 61 | What They Didn’t See · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever worked at something for so long that you started wondering whether anybody would ever notice?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe at first you were excited, you had momentum, a vision, and plenty of energy, but then the weeks turned into months, maybe even years, and the big breakthrough still hadn't happened.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is when the questions start coming.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Am I actually getting better?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Am I wasting my time?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Should I keep going or should I change direction?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the hardest question of all, what if nobody ever notices?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you listen on Tuesday, I talked about what I call my four-year overnight success in competitive dancing.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Someone came up to me after I had finally started placing and said something like, Where have you been?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: It seems like you just came out of nowhere.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I hadn't come out of nowhere.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'd come out of years of practice, long drives, late nights, competitions where I didn't even make finals, and plenty of moments when I questioned whether the work was ever going to pay off.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about those years.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's the years that nobody sees.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and today we're going deeper into perseverance, slow progress, hidden effort, and how to know whether you should keep pushing forward or whether something in your approach needs to change.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is a difference between persistence and just repeating yourself and learning that difference can save you a lot of frustration.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when I returned to competitive dancing around 2008, I wanted to get serious about West Coast swing.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: At first, though, I was trying to do too much.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing ballroom dancing too, but Roomba, Cha Cha, Waltz, different styles, and I enjoyed all of it.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: There was nothing wrong with ballroom dancing.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: The problem was that I wanted to become really good at West Coast swing while dividing my attention across everything else.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually I had to admit that I wasn't making the kind of progress I wanted.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was active, but I wasn't focused.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Those are not the same thing.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we confuse being busy with moving forward.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can have a calendar packed with activity and still not be advancing very far toward the thing that matters most.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of my first realizations.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: If I wanted to get better at West Coast Swing, really better, I had to make a choice.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I stepped away from ballroom and concentrated on one thing.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: That decision changed the trajectory of my part-time hobby and sport.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I started practicing multiple nights a week.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: On some Mondays, I would drive two hours with my son just to attend a two-hour dance, then turn around and drive another two hours home.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Four hours in the car for two hours of practice.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then sometimes the competitions themselves became marathons, dancing late into the night, sometimes until three or nearly four in the morning, then getting up and doing it again, and I would enter competition after competition, get my bib number, step onto the floor, do my best, and then wait for the results.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And many times my number wasn't called, no finals, pack it up and go home, then come back next month and try again.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: That can do something to you emotionally, because after enough losses, you don't just question the result.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: You start questioning yourself.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: You start saying things like, maybe I'm not as good as I think I am, maybe I don't have what it takes, maybe I started too late, maybe everyone else understands something I don't.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the part of long-term growth we don't talk about enough.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: The physical work can be hard, but sometimes the harder work is managing the story in your own head while progress is slow.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you allow every disappointing result to become a verdict on your ability, you will wear yourself out.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the lessons I learned was to separate the result from the information.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if I didn't make finals, that was a result.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't automatically mean, Steve, you're terrible.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It meant something in my performance wasn't yet strong enough to make the cut that day.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: That is information.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now I could do something with it.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Where did I need improvement?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Was it timing?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Was it musicality?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Was I blending into the crowd instead of standing out?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Was I so focused on making the partnership look good that I wasn't showing the judges what I could do as an individual?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Those were useful questions.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But why am I such a failure was not useful?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that right there is a big distinction.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: A setback can become information without becoming identity.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that works far beyond dancing.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you applied for a promotion and didn't get it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: That does not automatically mean you are incapable.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your business launch was disappointing, but that doesn't necessarily mean the business is a bad idea.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you posted something online and hardly anyone saw it.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: That does not automatically mean the work lacks value.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the result honestly, learn from it, and make the next decision with more information than you had before.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now there came a moment in my dance journey that changed the way I saw all of this.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: After nearly three years of grinding it out, I finally made finals at a young, highly competitive event.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: This was a crowd of serious dancers, many younger than me, many highly skilled, and I knew I was stepping into a strong field.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: As we were lining up for the Jack and Jill finals, I looked down at some of the women I might be paired with.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I noticed tape on their toes.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of them had it.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Tape covering blisters and raw skin from all the dancing they had been doing, and then I looked down at my own feet.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had blisters too.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Mine were just inside my shoes, and I remember thinking, wait a minute.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: These people I had been admiring, these dancers who looked so effortless out on the floor were hurting too.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: They were putting in the work too.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: The smooth dancing did not come without a price.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just hadn't been able to see it.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that is when something shifted in me.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I belonged there.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not because somebody had given me permission, not because I had suddenly become the best dancer in the room.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I belonged because I had done the work required to stand in that room.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you need to recognize that in your own life.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You may be comparing your behind the scenes experience with somebody else's finished performance.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You see their confidence, but not the years they spent doubting themselves.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: You see the successful company, but not the early months when nobody bought anything.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: You see the speaker on stage, but not the first speech when their hands were shaking.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: You see the athlete at the finish line, but not the mornings when they trained before sunrise.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: You see the book on the shelf, but not the drafts that were thrown away.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody sees the shine, very few people see the blisters.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And here is something else that realization did for me.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It made me less envious.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you understand that mastery usually comes with hidden sacrifice, another person's success becomes less threatening.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of saying, Why did they get that?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask, What did they do to become capable of that?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: That is a much more productive question.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Admiration becomes a classroom instead of a comparison trap.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: You start studying the habits instead of resenting the results.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that can accelerate your own growth.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to talk about validation because this is where long-term goals become emotionally difficult.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: All of us like encouragement.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And there is nothing wrong with that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: A compliment feels good, an award feels good.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Someone saying, I see what you've been doing can give you a huge emotional lift.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: But if you need validation every week in order to keep going, you become fragile.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because some seasons of growth are quiet.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody is going to clap when you practice.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody may notice that you read another book, improved your technique, saved another thousand dollars, sent another proposal, worked through another problem, or resisted the temptation to quit.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have to learn how to recognize some of your own progress.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean becoming arrogant.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It means becoming internally aware.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: You should be able to look at your own work and say, I am better than I was.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is healthy.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you should also be able to say, this part still needs work.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is healthy too.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence and humility can exist at the same time.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can believe in yourself without pretending you've arrived.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think real confidence often looks like that.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you have ability, but you also know there is another level.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there is an important question here.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: When do you persevere and when do you change direction?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't want to tell somebody just keep going forever.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: If the evidence is showing that the approach is not working, persistence without evaluation can become stubbornness.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I look for is whether there is improvement beneath the result.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Even before I started winning, my dancing was getting better, and I could feel things becoming more natural.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: My confidence was improving, my technique was cleaner, and I understood more about how competitions worked.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: There was movement.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't yet showing up consistently in the final rankings, but there were signs.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is different from doing the exact same thing for five years.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of getting MO better, getting no better.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we can all agree, we all want to get Mo better.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself, is there evidence that I am improving?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily winning yet, just getting better at the skill or craft you are pursuing.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Another question is, am I getting good feedback?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not feedback from everybody.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Too many opinions can confuse you.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: But do you have a coach, mentor, customer, trusted peer, or someone who understands the field and can tell you where you are improving and where you are stuck?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Good feedback shortens the learning curve, then ask, am I adjusting?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: If something is clearly not working, are you willing to change it?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is where persistence becomes intelligent.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: You stay committed to the goal while remaining flexible about the method.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I did that when I stepped away from ballroom.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, liked ballroom, it was all fine and good, but splitting my attention was holding me back.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I let go of something good to get better at something I loved.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: That was an adjustment for me.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes progress requires subtraction.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: We spend a lot of time asking, what else should I do?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the better question is, what should I stop doing?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is dividing your focus?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: What is taking energy from the goal you keep saying is important?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't need another strategy, maybe you need fewer strategies.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is especially relevant now because we live in a world that constantly offers new opportunities, new business ideas, new social media platforms, new courses, new projects, new side hustles, new tools, and another person telling you about the next big thing, you can stay busy forever.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: But mastery usually requires narrowing your attention for a season.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: That does not mean your whole life becomes one-dimensional.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: You still have family, faith, health, responsibilities, and other things that should remain in proper balance.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: But within the thing you are trying to master, you may have to get serious.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: What do I actually want to become excellent at?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then put enough consistent energy behind it to give yourself a chance.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And there is another side to perseverance that I think is important.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Know why you are doing it.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: If the only reason I had danced was to get trophies, I probably would have quit.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: There were too many competitions where the trophy didn't come.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I loved dancing.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I loved improving.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I loved the challenge.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoyed the community, the music, the athleticism, and the experience of becoming better at something that had once been difficult.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: That deeper enjoyment carried me through periods when the external reward wasn't there.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: If your only motivation is applause, slow seasons are going to feel unbearable.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But if there is something inside the process that you value, you have more fuel.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: That could be craftsmanship, service, growth, curiosity, faith, helping people, building something for your family, becoming more disciplined.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, connect the work to something deeper than recognition.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because recognition is inconsistent.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Purpose lasts longer.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then eventually something happens.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Your skill catches up with your ambition and you get the opportunity, you make finals, you get the promotion, the business starts working, the book gets published.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Someone notices, and suddenly people start calling you successful.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: That happened to me.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: I went from years of not making finals to placing third, then eventually winning first place at major events in multiple cities.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And someone comes up and asks, Where have you been?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that is almost funny because now they see you.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you know the truth.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: You were there the whole time.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: The difference is that the work finally became visible.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what I want you to remember if you are in one of those seasons right now.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You may be in the invisible part.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is not necessarily the unsuccessful part, and it may be the preparation part, but preparation should produce growth.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So keep checking.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Am I getting better?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Am I learning?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Am I adjusting?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Am I still connected to why I started?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And is this goal still aligned with the person I want to become?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: If those answers are yes, then maybe you don't need a dramatic change.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need another month, another season, another round of practice, another attempt.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not because success is guaranteed, nothing worthwhile comes with that kind of promise.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: But because you can see that the process is still producing something valuable.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if the answer is no, and if you are not improving, you are miserable.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: The goal no longer fits your values, and every signal says this is going nowhere, then have the courage to re-evaluate.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Changing direction is not always quitting.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is wisdom.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: That is why I like the difference between commitment and stubbornness.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Commitment says, I care enough about this goal to keep learning.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Stubbornness says, I refuse to change anything because changing would mean admitting I was wrong.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Those are completely different mindsets.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your challenge this week.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Take one goal you have been pursuing for a while and do an honest progress review.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Look back six months or a year.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Write down what has genuinely improved, then identify one area where you are still stuck.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: After that, ask one trusted person who understands what you are doing for honest feedback.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not ten people, one good person.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ask them, where do you see growth and what is the one thing you think I should work on next?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then make one adjustment.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is how perseverance stays alive without becoming blind.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: You keep the destination in view while getting smarter about the journey.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are in one of those quiet seasons where nobody seems to notice what you are doing, remember the dancers with the taped toes.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone had blisters, some were visible, some weren't.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: The performance looked effortless because you were seeing the result of years of effort.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your own blisters are hidden right now.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: The early mornings at the practice, the rejection, the studying, the sacrifices nobody knows about.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: That work still counts.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if it is making you better, keep going.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: One day someone may look at your life and say, Where did you come from?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll know exactly where you came from.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: You came from the years they didn't see.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode encouraged you, share it with someone who has been putting in the work quietly and could use a reminder that slow progress is still progress.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't yet, follow or subscribe to Amazing Life Breakthrough so you don't miss future episodes.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to support the mission financially, you can make a small donation at AmazingLifebreakthrough.com.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every contribution helps us continue sharing messages that may give someone the breakthrough they need at exactly the right time.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me on Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest.