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Fresh Hops and Feral Engineers · Cocktails and Corporate Chaos

• Shane Giddens: I found my job on Craigslist. Shannon: Ever had a workday so wild you literally couldn't make it up? Welcome to Cocktails and Corporate Chaos. I'm Shannon. Haidee Griswold: And I'm Heidi, and we're bringing you the messy, hilarious workplace stories that usually require a double margarita to process. Shannon: So pour yourself something strong because the chaos is about to begin. Haidee Griswold: All stories on our podcast are true, but names may be changed or conveniently omitted to protect the innocent, the guilty, and ourselves from corporate HR emails. Let's do this. Shane Giddens: Ugh, but it's it's not even Thursday night. Shannon: Ha Haidee Griswold: I love it. This is gonna be great. Shannon: well, Haidee Griswold: Perfect. Did you already start recording or did I hit that? okay, I was like, I've already blacked out guys. Okay, we're ready. Shannon: I was yeah, I hit recording earlier. Okay. Typical, typical. usually in an episode we cover one chaotic workplace story. But our guest today has had several that I know he's going to share. Painting us a picture of really unhinged stories, that will probably be followed by some jaw dropping stories about the CEO. So, welcome Shane to Cocktails and Corporate Chaos. And as always, names may be changed to protect our guest. Shane Giddens: Hello, ladies. Haidee Griswold: Hey Shane, I'm so glad you're joining today because Shannon has given me snippets of some of the stories over the years and I cannot wait to hear them in more detail. Shane Giddens: glad that you guys could have me on. Haidee Griswold: And benefit from the trauma that you've had to survive. Shannon: Yeah. I feel like these stories Shane Giddens: Somebody might as well. Shannon: yes, the stories that you've told me over the many years of knowing each other is sort of just the not normal corporate chaos that equals jaw dropping in just a different way than I've ever been exposed to in the corporate world. So I'm excited for you to share with our listeners. And what are you drinking today, Shane? Shane Giddens: I am drinking a fresh hop IPA, one of the first of the season. Shannon: How is it fresh hop season already? Where are we? Shane Giddens: If you don't know where you are, you should probably put the drink down. Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: I felt like that was directed at me, so I'll share what I'm drinking. I'm having a lychee, is it lychee or lychee? I never know which one it is, but lychee is what I'm gonna go with, martini. And I got that lychee juice from Trader Joe's. So if you're as basic as I am, Shannon: What is Haidee Griswold: go get it. Shannon: what's the base? Vodka or Jinn? Haidee Griswold: vodka. I'm a vodka martini girl. There's occasions when I go gen, but most of the time I'm a vodka girl. For martinis. Shannon: Okay, well this plays into okay, this plays into my drink, which is not a martini, but yesterday we were golfing with somebody who was telling me about different martinis that he's made and then gin based drinks, and I was like, I kind of feel like a gin-based drink today. So I am having a Negroni, which is Haidee Griswold: Classic. Shannon: actually delicious. So I Haidee Griswold: Actually did you hear that Shane? She's throwing our drinks under. She's like, mine's actually delicious. Shannon: that's fair enough. Shane Giddens: Well, you can go fuck yourself and find a new guest. I'll take I'll take Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: There's that trauma coming up to the surface. Shane Giddens: my IPA and go somewhere else. Haidee Griswold: Well now that we've had our had some sips of our drinks Shannon: I like the crying noise. Haidee Griswold: Shane, I wanna know for you and Shannon, what is your take on the company all hands meeting? Shane Giddens: I don't really think I ever had an all hands meeting. so the company I work for, Shannon: Ha ha ha. Haidee Griswold: Never. Shane Giddens: based on my unless you count like the Christmas party, yeah, we we don't really have all hands. Shannon: there's too many hands in this pot, as we'll learn shortly. They're like, we can't cross Haidee Griswold: There's too many hands. Shane Giddens: I think I think in general Shannon: contaminate. Shane Giddens: I think in general Haidee Griswold: gosh. Shane Giddens: you'll find that my work experience is a distinct departure from your average corporate experience. So Haidee Griswold: my hope, Shane, is that our listeners will listen and say, No, this is actually somewhat normal in the corporate world. I want you to feel validated. How Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: One could only hope. Haidee Griswold: about you, Shannon? Shannon: Are we going corporate all hands or team all hands? Corporate? Okay. Well Haidee Griswold: Company all hands. Yeah, team whatever. So they bring everybody together and share information. Shannon: You know what, I worked for a company for a long time who at one point did these in a very large arena. And Haidee Griswold: Ooh. Shannon: they were quite fun. in the first let's say, seven years of my employment there. And they would have bands, all this cool stuff that you're hearing across the company, And then I realized that it feels like propaganda. And then I started to hate them because I was like, I feel like I'm Yes. I felt like I was drinking Haidee Griswold: so they didn't change, you changed. Shannon: from this weird fire hose that I was uninterested in any longer and felt like I was getting brainwashed. And so it's a me thing, maybe, but I get the point of it. I just got over it. Shane Giddens: You were done Haidee Griswold: See Shane Giddens: with the corporate pep rally cultishness. Shannon: Yes. Haidee Griswold: I mean, are you ever done with a cult? You can't just walk away from a cult. future episode. We should get somebody that's been in like a corporate cult. For me, I feel like every time I'm in an all company meeting, it's like the projector or not projector, that's ages me, but whatever like tech they're using never works. Yeah, the ch when they have to write when they have to chisel Shannon: The chalkboard. Haidee Griswold: into the tablet, it just never works well. And so there's always something broken, and you've got all these people sitting there, and you have software engineers that only come into the office when they have to. So like they roll in that once or twice a year for this, and you've never even seen what they look like. maybe both. Shannon: Have to or free food? Both. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: But you walk in, you're like, who's this like homeless person? And then you're wait, sorry, that's our top software engineer that we only Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: see twice a year. But it's just pointless. you know, kind of what Shannon, you said propaganda, but they're pontificating. And then at the end it's like, Yeah, you should be excited. The only one I've ever liked, I got a free book out of it. I was like, I love a book. And so we each got to Shannon: Was the author there? Haidee Griswold: no. It was you just got to they had different stacks of books and you just got to choose a book and they were no way related to work. It was just like, please come and we'll give you a free book. And I'm an avid reader, so I was like, Yeah, I'll do anything for a free book. Apparently anything. Shane Giddens: I will say that the homeless looking engineer that crawls out of the woodwork for free food that crosses all companies. Yeah, yeah, that that that could have been me. Haidee Griswold: Yeah. That hit home for ya, did it, Shane? Shannon: That's fair. Okay. So on that note, what compilation of chaos are you sharing with us today, Shane? Shane Giddens: well I guess just you know start off with the vibe of how different you know where I worked was compared to maybe most of your guests or where you guys work, I found my job on Craigslist. so you know yeah. Haidee Griswold: interesting. The love of your life, also your career. Shane Giddens: I mean, you Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: can find anything you want. Yeah. Anything Haidee Griswold: Or like a used couch. So it's something for everybody. Shannon: Ha ha. Shane Giddens: you want or want to get rid of. Craigslist. Haidee Griswold: That's their new tagline. Shannon: Which does that still exist? Shane Giddens: I think so. I don't think it's as popul Haidee Griswold: That's a good question. Shane Giddens: I think I think Facebook Marketplace probably ate their lunch, but from what I Haidee Griswold: Mm. Shane Giddens: remember Craigslist has zero operating costs, so they're probably just, you know, cruising along. Shannon: Okay. So you found your job on Haidee Griswold: I have to look at this after. Shannon: Craig's list, yep. we'll look Heidi, we'll circle back Shane Giddens: So I found found my job. Shannon: to this later. Haidee Griswold: He hehehe Shane Giddens: So I found my job on Craigslist and I didn't need to have an official resume, nothing as fancy as that. I sent an email with a little blurb about myself where I went to college, went in, had an interview, and then I had a job for 15 years. Shannon: Sorry, is this Okay, but what did Haidee Griswold: Wow, okay, so they at least interviewed you. Shannon: the the job listing say that didn't require a resume? this feels like what are those ads called where somebody sees somebody on a train that they think is the love of their life and they're like searching for the person? Yes. It feels like a misconnection you just described. Haidee Griswold: misconnections? yes, I love those. Shane Giddens: Yeah. I mean, it's been enough years, I can't honestly say I know what the job listing said, but like we're looking for a mechanical engineer to work in this industry and hands-on that kind of stuff, very basic. And I Googled the company and there was, an article in the local newspaper about how it was a haven for engineers. And yeah, we got to do pretty much whatever we wanted, like just build cool shit, make money along the way, and no business people to tell us what we could or couldn't do or what we could and couldn't buy. Just yeah, get the job done. It was great. Shannon: Damn Haidee Griswold: What I loved about this is Shannon: business people. Haidee Griswold: that you googled it because that's something Shannon had to learn the hard way is Google things before. Shannon: Yeah that's Shane Giddens: Yeah. Shannon: fair. Shane Giddens: I've got the job. my interview was pretty straightforward, but one of my coworkers that started not long after me, he actually got somewhat abducted during the interview Haidee Griswold: What? Shane Giddens: and ended up at Chuck E. Cheese with the owner at some kid's birthday party as part of his interview. And so Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: You know, my interview was very straightforward compared to his adventure. Haidee Griswold: Whoa whoa whoa how does this how do you get abducted during an interview or taken to like a children's play area? Shane Giddens: when you're talking to the owner of the company and he says, Hey, follow me and he goes and gets in his car and you just kinda okay, I'm not sure where this is going, but I guess and you go get in his car and then he just keeps talking and then you pull into Chuck E. G's parking lot, at some point you just gotta go with the flow. Shannon: Also, what day of the week was this and what hour? Because kids' birthday parties would be on the weekend. Shane Giddens: I can't say for sure, but it was a hundred percent a weekday like midday. And so, you know, just yeah. Tuesday yeah. Tuesday two PM kind of Haidee Griswold: my kid Too much logic, Shannon. You're asking normal questions. Okay, benefit of the doubt. Shannon: Maybe it was the summertime. Maybe it was the summertime. I'll give him that. Shane Giddens: vibes, but it very well could have been summer. But anyway, yeah, I mean Haidee Griswold: Was it was Shannon: Also Haidee Griswold: it their child? Like do they just want to be around kids? What okay. Shane Giddens: It it was his child, so it wasn't quite as creepy, you know. Chris Hansen wasn't sitting in the corner asking them to sit down or anything, you know. Shannon: What? But also, can you imagine being this employee that's like, I guess I'll get in this car and come with you? And then you know no one at this birthday party, but you're getting interviewed kind of? Fair. Haidee Griswold: I mean they found you on Craigslist. So first of all, if so if you go to something on Craigslist, they're like, just get in my car, we're gonna go somewhere, the answer's always no. Listeners, the answer is no. Do not get in Shannon: That's fair. Shane Giddens: Yeah. If Haidee Griswold: a stranger's car, do not find your job through Craigslist today. That's a good Chris Hansen learning from Dateline. Shane Giddens: Yeah. Do not go to a secondary location. Yeah. Yeah. Shannon: That Shane Giddens: if the job application specifically suggests that it's better if you don't have any loved ones that would notice if you're missing, you know, maybe avoid that job application. Haidee Griswold: my gosh. I wish we still had that job description on Craigslist. You should have framed it. Ugh. Shane Giddens: No. Yeah. If only I knew. Haidee Griswold: Wow, to Chuck E. Cheese. And then how do they get back? Shannon: Also Shane Giddens: they eventually came back with the owner, so like his interview was a lot more drawn out than mine, but you know, hey, I didn't get any free skee ball out of it, so you know, I guess I'm the sucker. Haidee Griswold: that's fair. My skee ball skills, that would have sealed the deal on the job for me. Shannon: B beating all the eight year olds. Yeah. Getting all Shane Giddens: Straight to VP. Take that children. Haidee Griswold: I bet kids cry. Shannon: the tickets out of the machine and then you trade it in for some large tough animal. Haidee Griswold: So you were lured by Candy through Craigslist to get this Shane Giddens: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: job from a stranger. You interview, you get the job. Then what happens? Shane Giddens: Yeah. so I guess just to like set the tone of just how much there was, zero fucks given. the first week that I was there, I like you know, got hired as part of gearing up for a new project, hiring extra people. So I got put in a group where there were five or six of us hired in a week. The last two guys to get hired got tasked with creating a new seating chart so that we could rearrange the desks in our triple wide mobile home style office that we were working in at the time. You know, very classy. Yeah. Shannon: It's very visual. Haidee Griswold: god, so very s very scrappy. Okay. Shane Giddens: they, spent day or two like all right and analyzing things, trying to like putting out tape on the ground, sending out a seating chart. And then, you know Haidee Griswold: A day or two to work on a CD chart? I remember my wedding CD chart. I did that in an hour, but that was a hundred and fifty people. Shane Giddens: I'm sure they had Shannon: Engineers, remember? Shane Giddens: I Shannon: They had no business people, Shane Giddens: I'm sure Shannon: remember? They did they're not efficient in that regard. Haidee Griswold: No, that's right. Shane Giddens: I I think they, probably had some other stuff going on as well. So it wasn't just, 16 hours of seating charting. But, anyway, day two comes around. They send out their suggested seating chart to our work group, You know, people are like, no, I don't want to sit next to that asshole. Like, I want to sit closer to the water cooler, whatever, input. And then the third person replies and, there's the attached picture of the seating chart. Everybody, clicks like what is their proposal for the new seating chart? You click on the attachment, and the seating chart's been replaced with a picture of, let's just say, a large group of men performing very graphic sex acts with each other. So, you know. Haidee Griswold: Wait what? Was that intentional? Shane Giddens: yes, that was extremely intentional. Haidee Griswold: so it was Shane Giddens: That was so it was Haidee Griswold: a I don't give a shit what you think about the seating chart. Let's just circle jerk this Shane Giddens: It was kind of a like, pretty much yeah, circle jerk is probably the appropriate term that they, trying to reference, like, all right, what's this circle jerk, and they just decided to go straight for it and graphically, depict their feelings. Shannon: And the person who replied with this, was it just a random person on the team? Was it this owner who interviewed people and went to Chuck E. Cheese? Shane Giddens: So this would have been on a group with like twenty five people that sat in this office and between the twenty five of us, shockingly, you know, no women on this work team. So you know, no we I think there was a bit of yeah, there Haidee Griswold: It's the all male image. Shane Giddens: was a bit of a feral men vibe going on in this office and yeah, they took advantage of that by just sending absolutely anything nothing that you would ever be able to get away with, I imagine, in your work situations. Shannon: And or in twenty twenty six, presumably. Haidee Griswold: Yeah, fair. Shane Giddens: That also. Shannon: your comment about multiple people commenting on things reminding me of I know you've told me stories about how your annual performance reviews are just a spreadsheet that gets sent out and everybody knows what everybody makes and people can comment on what other people make. Haidee Griswold: What? Shane Giddens: Yeah, so you know, unlike the kind of corporate everything's a secret about who makes what and everything, ours was a complete open book. And anytime, we'd come around for the raise cycle, they'd just send out a spreadsheet. This is what every current everybody currently makes, this is what everybody we're proposing will make, and now send us your complaints and backstab each other and whatever you wanna say to, you know, tell us that, you should be making more than the guy next to you or whatever you want. Haidee Griswold: Wow, that is Hunger Game style. Cause Shane Giddens: Yeah, so. Haidee Griswold: all of a sudden you're gonna start hating anyone that makes more money than you. Shane Giddens: It was I'd say Shannon: Or knowing how much somebody makes and being like, maybe if I'm here for five more years I can make that amount of money. Shane Giddens: I mean like I think that there's, you know, benefits to it of, you know, it it cuts through all the kind of playing people against each other, keeping it a secret. So, you know, if you feel like you're being screwed over, you have the numbers to point to it to show why, there's no guessing. Haidee Griswold: Ooh, that's very engineering of you. I'm too catty for that. I'd be like, I'm better Shane Giddens: Yeah, as Shannon: Ha ha Haidee Griswold: than them. Why don't I make more money than them? Shane Giddens: Yeah. Shannon: Okay, wasn't part of the process you could email the owner and say why you think they should or shouldn't make X amount more? Shane Giddens: Yeah, so they would send out the initial spreadsheet, which was just kind of an FYI, this is post reviews, this is, what our first draft of the proposal for raises looks like. And then they would call it the whiner's list of, all right, go ahead and Haidee Griswold: Wow. Shane Giddens: send us your emails to whine about why you think that this is wrong and you should be making more. Shannon: Please tell me they an alias for this. Shane Giddens: I mean it was just straight up called the Winer's list and then we like that was the official name on the like spreadsheet there would be a tab for whiner's list and stuff Haidee Griswold: The more I think about this, the more I love it. I I wonder if you could scale Shane Giddens: Ha ha ha. Haidee Griswold: this to large corporations. Like could you give this to a hundred thousand people or at least in the same function or department Shannon: Hundred thousand. Shane Giddens: I Haidee Griswold: and say, Okay, everybody in marketing at big company, you now get to see what everybody in marketing makes. I feel like there's some real value here. Shannon: Yeah, and it Shane Giddens: Like Shannon: also well, you worked at a company that was mostly male by the sounds of it, so imagine having to put women versus men on the same spreadsheet, how that would also turn out. Haidee Griswold: yeah. dock us by twenty percent because we have vaginas. Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: so did you respond to the owner and say, This is my complaint, this is my wine? Shane Giddens: over the years, I a hundred percent, whined very casually, I think I should, make an extra whatever, five grand or something on top of that. like, that guy over there did that. Well, I did this and that's just as good. like I'm sure once or twice over the years I did that. But for the most part, I mean it was, nothing too crazy. would say that our pyramid of wages was a lot flatter And so it was nobody's making ten times as much as the next person over. And so yeah, it's a lot easier to get along when there's not quite the drastic disparities I imagine there are in the tech world. Haidee Griswold: That's fair. I love it you use the word pyramid because immediately I think pyramid scheme. But it also just feels Shane Giddens: Ha ha ha. Haidee Griswold: lazy from leadership. Instead of having those conversations with each individual about what the performance is, why they deserve X salary, they just publish it publicly and say, Bring us your evidence and we'll decide. Shane Giddens: you understand you're talking about engineers here. Like we'll do anything to avoid, those conversations. You know, if we can outsource Shannon: Ha ha ha. Shane Giddens: it to a spreadsheet and an email, we are going to do that. Haidee Griswold: Wow. Okay. Shannon: S speaking of emails, what other interesting things Shane Giddens: Yeah. Shannon: occurred at your work that I recall you talking about previously? Shane Giddens: So I don't know how it goes in, a company that has tens of thousands or more employees, but at a company that has less than a thousand employees, there's just email lists where you can email the entire company and there's no, rules in the background to prevent that from happening. And so Shannon: that Haidee Griswold: we all have those. Yes. Shannon: also happens at large companies and Shane Giddens: No. Shannon: I firmly believe that anyone who replies all on those messages should be immediately fired. Because the rules Haidee Griswold: that was almost my hot take question today was a reply all. I should have done that, but I didn't want to give away anything from today. Shannon: But the concept of seven thousand people or seven hundred people or whatever amount of people, no one wants your reply all on this fucking email and or the unsubscribe, unsubscribe reply all it's like immediately fired. Haidee Griswold: I yeah, I don't know if that translates to everyone's experience, but Shannon and I have both worked at a company where if you said the word unsubscribe, people felt or thought that would unsubscribe you from said list that you were on that people were replying all to. It did not, but yet people kept responding to it over and over and over again saying unsubscribe, unsubscribe. So then you have 25 emails in your inbox that just say unsubscribe to reply all. And we're talking In some cases, tens of thousands of people received each of these emails. Shannon: That is my like Shane Giddens: A Shannon: cutoff of Fire Lose People. Haidee Griswold: Ha ha ha ha. Shane Giddens: I imagine you could probably set up an Outlook rule that said like if an email contains the word unsubscribe, just send it to the delete folder, whatever. Haidee Griswold: no, you just reply all and say, This is not the process, this is what you should do and then send it to everybody so that they know. Shane Giddens: at the low stakes, me being kind of catty and bitchy to a coworker end of the reply, some woman was sending out a please vote for my kid in the cutest kid contest. And she sent out several emails to the entire company. And by the third one, I was just like, I'm going on and voting for whatever kid is one up from yours, so your kid will never win this. Like I like, I cannot handle repeated emails to the entire company asking us to vote for your kid. Haidee Griswold: wait, I have lots of thoughts on this. one, so there is one female at least at your company. Two Shannon: True. Haidee Griswold: Yeah, at least one. Two, as a parent, why are you submitting your children for cutest kid? What like beauty pageants for children? Shane Giddens: $200 for that big prize. Haidee Griswold: there's prize money. Okay, now I'm intrigued. Okay, you had me at prize money. Never mind. I'm gonna Google that separately. Shane Giddens: but I think the email that I think Shannon is alluding to was my company was owned by a singular person, the founder who still owned it, and he was married to a woman, and the two of them had a rather Interesting, contentious, vibrant relationship, we could say. feisty. Haidee Griswold: I feel like you're talking fi yeah, vibrant, feisty. You're you're talking around a lot of things. Let's get into it. Tell me about this. Shane Giddens: And so Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: t as a bit of backstory, it was not a particular secret that the owner of the company had an affair going on with somebody else from the company. And the Haidee Griswold: Wait, from the c so sh this so there is another woman. Is it the woman that had her children in a contest? Shane Giddens: So there is in fact there is in fact more than one woman at this company, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: okay, okay. There's two. So one that puts her kids in the cute contest, and the other one that's sleeping with the boss. Got it. Shannon: There's two. Shane Giddens: And so this wasn't a particular secret. everybody assumed everybody knew, everybody assumed the wife knew, but then that one day we all opened our email and it became very obvious that the wife knew because we got an email from the owner of the company. It turned out that the owner's wife had gotten onto his email and she had sent an email to this woman who the owner was having an affair with and CC'd the entire company on email. And she went on to, mention how she knew they were having an affair, how The woman would never be the first lady of the company, and that she should have taken the $250,000 that she was offered to Haidee Griswold: First lady. Shane Giddens: just go away and leave them alone. And it it went on for probably 10 paragraphs of just, like the Shannon: Ten paragraphs. Haidee Griswold: What? Shane Giddens: yeah, it was a very lengthy email. And so Shannon: Who Shane Giddens: you just see like, you know, all of a sudden everybody in the office gets this email and like the office goes quiet and everybody's reading and then we're all like, Quick forward it to our personal email in case, you know, they recall the email and delete it, whatever. And everybody's just like, Shannon: NEEP Haidee Griswold: brilliant move. Shane Giddens: my god. Haidee Griswold: f I would not I would have spent all of that time just going deep on the email. That brilliant move. Forward it to yourself. But wow Shane Giddens: Yeah, so Haidee Griswold: so she C C'd, blind C C'd or C C'd the whole company? Shane Giddens: she just C C'd a distribution list that included everybody. In addition to Haidee Griswold: Mm. Shane Giddens: she specifically added like eight people that were relatively high up at the company to send the email to in addition to the woman and then and the C C thing just added an everybody Shannon: In the two line? Shane Giddens: list. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: so she was like you fuck around and find out. Like this was a Yes, she Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: It was scorched earth. Haidee Griswold: tried to pay off the woman, it didn't work. Two hundred and fifty thousand. I'm trying to reconcile. Is that a good amount of money to be paid off for an affair? I have no context here. Shane Giddens: I mean personally Shannon: I mean better than nothing. Shane Giddens: personally to stop sleeping with the owner of this company you'd have to pay me a lot less than that. Yeah. Yeah. So you know, I mean I I don't Haidee Griswold: You're like, I would pay to stop sleeping with this person. Shannon: Go Shane Giddens: know what's going on, but yeah, I would have I would have taken the money and run. Shannon: So on Haidee Griswold: So tell Shannon: that comment, well the per Haidee Griswold: me a little bit about the person sorry, go ahead to Shane. Shannon: the maybe the person that they're having an affair with, but also paint us a picture of the owner from just say don't give us any specific details of who the person is, but like is he Shane Giddens: So if Shannon: walking into, a grocery store in like a three piece suit every day, or what's the vibe? Shane Giddens: So, you know, there's the stereotype about like the say like tech CEO wearing a hoodie, flip-flop shorts, whatever, you know, like that kind of stuff. Imagine that but crossed yeah, or the best. But like Haidee Griswold: Or the vest. The Tech Bro Vest. Mm. Shane Giddens: the like clearly disdainful of the old school suit mentality. Imagine that but crossed with a homeless guy. and so Haidee Griswold: Wait, wait, wait, how what does that look like? Shane Giddens: So, you know those white like Hanes t-shirts that people wear as undershirts? Imagine Haidee Griswold: Sure. Shannon: Mm. Shane Giddens: imagine the vast majority of the time wearing one of those, but some one that looks like it's been worn by construction worker sweating day in, day out for 10 years Shannon: What? Shane Giddens: and kind of has stains and whatever. So imagine that kind of vibe along with some, you know, like Shannon: Every day? Shane Giddens: for the vast majority of the time, yeah, just something along the lines of a stained, sweated out white shirt or something equivalent to that. Haidee Griswold: So like a sloppy Steve Jobs, 'cause Steve Jobs was always in the black shirt, but your Shane Giddens: That's what I'm saying. Haidee Griswold: your head or your CEO is like a grow like a sloppy white Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: shirt every day. But see, I can't wear white very often either, so I could relate, but I at least know that about myself. Shannon: But this guy also could afford to buy, presumably, multiple new t shirts every Shane Giddens: Yeah, I mean Shannon: day. Shane Giddens: yeah, I mean, you know, the guy's probably worth half a billion dollars and so you know, it's like Haidee Griswold: Yeah, but I mean if he's if he's sleeping around, his wife's not doing his laundry. Shannon: That's a B, not an Shane Giddens: Yeah. I we Shannon: Okay, so half a billion, worth half a billion, if you're offered two hundred and fifty thousand, maybe I would just reply all and say I'll take a million and see you later. Haidee Griswold: Ooh, counter. Shane Giddens: I mean Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: I mean, I don't know how much leverage the, wife has to be spending the money, you know, send away the mistress. So Shannon: Well she just send out an email to spend two hundred and fifty thousand. Like that seems like she's got some leverage. Shane Giddens: I I'd never brought it up with the owner to be like, So, how is the situation with the mistress and the wife going, huh? Like I I just I steered as far clear that as possible. Shannon: But maybe you you could have though in your annual performance review when they gave you the amount of money, be like, I know there's an extra two hundred and fifty grand laying around Haidee Griswold: Ha ha. Shannon: if she didn't take it. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: I want this money. I'm willing to sleep with you. Give me two hundred and fifty K. So how did everyone Shane Giddens: Yeah no. Haidee Griswold: in the office know that there was an affair happening? What were the signs? Shane Giddens: I Shannon: Good question. Shane Giddens: I mean I I just heard about it because it was known. but I don't think that the owner of the company really gave a shit about hiding it. in our various locations that our company has offices, we have houses that he owns that basically he uses as like houses for the engineers to stay in if they're traveling to that location or if somebody's coming in for an interview, they can stay there if they want. Haidee Griswold: Has what? Has he heard of hotels? You don't need to buy a whole house just because you have another location for your company. Shane Giddens: I I I mean for in some cases we go for long stints, like as opposed to a two day thing, it's like, you're there for weeks on end. So habit being in a house Shannon: So you can buy the hotel. Shane Giddens: but you know, Haidee Griswold: Yeah. Shane Giddens: being in a house sometimes is nicer than a hotel. this house in one of our other locations, guys would go fly there and they go their bedroom and they open the bedside table and there's like cock rings and, you Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: know, sex toys in the bedside table because the owner had used it as a, you know, smash pad. Shannon: Whoa Haidee Griswold: Wow. Shannon: whoa, how do we know it was the owner? Haidee Griswold: I would not sleep in that bed. Shane Giddens: Yeah, so there's just a general vibe of depravity. Shannon: Also, smash pad is a great term. Haidee Griswold: I know, spa I'm adding this to my list rapidly, smash pad. that is gross. Shannon, that reminds me of a time Shane Giddens: Yeah. I mean Shannon: like when Haidee Griswold: you stayed at a hotel and had something in your bed. Shannon: That's true. I one morning woke up and you know in hotels when the duvet cover is three quarters of the way kind of on the duvet, like they leave an open side, I think, for the housekeeping to quickly be able to change things. Well in my case, it Shane Giddens: You gotta turn over your Smashpad quickly. Haidee Griswold: Ha ha ha. Shannon: was on the side of the bed, the opening where I got into the bed. And I got up in the morning after I'd slept in the bed all night. Went to the bathroom, came back and looked, and the duvet cover was kind of like turned up a bit, and there was puke all over on the duvet that was under this cover. And I was on a work not mine. And I slept in it Shane Giddens: You didn't smell it? Haidee Griswold: not hers. Not hers, listeners. Someone else's. Although she swears. Shannon: and I did not smell it. Haidee Griswold: That's a good question. Shannon: It's a very good question. I don't know. Like, cause you're not laying in bed thinking Haidee Griswold: It was secret listeners, I still to this day think it was secretly hers. She partied all night. Partied all night real hard for work. Shannon: Maybe I'd COVID. Yeah. So then I went down to the front desk and was like, I just found throw up all over my bed. Can you please change stuff before I come back tonight? And they were like, we're so sorry. And then they gave me that night for free. And in hindsight, I totally fucked myself over because I just slept in somebody else's puke and my company got a free night stay. I should have asked for like a yes, Haidee Griswold: that's right Yeah. Give me the credit. Shannon: rookie move right there. Haidee Griswold: gosh. Okay, so there's cock rings and the the Shannon: Okay, so Haidee Griswold: nightstand while people are trying to get, you know, some decent shut eye on a week long business trip. So everybody just somehow knew, and I'm sure you're all talking with each other, that he's cheating on his wife, Shane Giddens: Yep. Haidee Griswold: and then she sends this email. Did anybody respond to the email? Shane Giddens: I mean of course not. at that moment you do not stick your head up and be like, hey I I read this and I have a comment. Shannon: Be like whack a mole. Like Haidee Griswold: W of course. Shannon: you Haidee Griswold: Well and she probably sounded unhinged. You said it was a ten paragraph email. Shane Giddens: I mean, she didn't need that email to sound unhinged. Like this as so as unhinged as the owner of the company was, his wife was equally unhinged. yet at one point during at one point during a at Shannon: Match made in heaven. Haidee Griswold: I mean crazy yeah, crazy loves crazy. I get it. Shane Giddens: one point during a family trip, she ended up in Disney jail. which Haidee Griswold: What? Shane Giddens: when I pictured in my head, I'm imagining like the jail bars where it's the rubber bars and whatnot, and she's like, like they like put her in the rubber bar like fake jail, but like I think just they had a bit of a altercation at Disney and they had to be separated and put in Disney lockup for a minute. Shannon: You think that the husband and wife had an altercation with each other? Shane Giddens: No, I know that they I know they had an altercation and she ended up in Disney jail. Haidee Griswold: Wow. What does it take Shannon: How? Haidee Griswold: to get in a fight at Disney as adults? Shannon: And are they so married? Shane Giddens: yeah, they're still married. I mean, on at Haidee Griswold: that tells me no prenup. Shannon: Good. That was fast. Shane Giddens: probably. At one of the other similar to how they had the Smashpad house, like there was another house, and one of their kids decided that they didn't want to live in their house anymore and wanted to move over to the company house. And the mom was not having that. And so the mom packed up her bags and went and started pounding on the door to Japan to move into the house, also. And one of my coworkers is in the house on the phone with the owner, hiding. Trying not to let the wife see him through the window. And the owner Haidee Griswold: Wow. Shane Giddens: is, the owner is telling my coworker, like, whatever you do, don't unlock the door. Don't let her in the house. And so my coworker's just trapped in the house. He can't leave. He can't be seen. Like he's, stuck in between the owner and his wife. You know, like, can't let her in the house. Shannon: On top wait, your coworker also has the company owner on speed dial equivalent because who would you call in that situation, Heidi? Haidee Griswold: I don't know, but this feels like hazard pay to me. If you're having to deal Shane Giddens: Ha ha ha ha. Haidee Griswold: with this, like this goes to Shannon's earlier point. This goes on that spreadsheet of why they should make more money each year. Of like, I had to keep your wife out of our company property for a period of time. Shannon: Great call. Shane Giddens: I mean, I'm sure there were some X factors in the spreadsheet that yeah, if you assisted with some of that, you know, Haidee Griswold: my gosh. Shane Giddens: you could get a little nudge in the pay, but Shannon: Or if you knew enough information to go public about something, you like got a padded extra amount of money. Which I think Shane Giddens: I'm sure Shannon: Shane, isn't at your company the one that also has some padded pay for those who want to have children? Shane Giddens: Yeah, so that's the other thing. Haidee Griswold: Wait what? Shane Giddens: yeah. So basically, you know, there is a profit sharing mechanism in the company and you know, half of the profits go back to the employees, which is great. But after a couple years there, the owner decided to make a change, and that change was that when calculating profit share, if you were married and didn't have kids, your profit share would stay the same. if you were single, your private share would go down and they would take that private share that they took for you and give it to people with kids. And Haidee Griswold: Yeah. Shane Giddens: so yeah, there was a a bit of a uprising about that and that only lasted Haidee Griswold: Wa was this like a a repopulate the earth kind of person? Like why incentivize people to have kids? And did it matter if you have one kid or five kids? Shane Giddens: So on the repopulation aspect, absolutely. The owner of Haidee Griswold: gosh, I was joking. Shane Giddens: No, you you may jest, but yes, in fact he did want to I forget the exact terminology he used, but basically he wanted to bump up the birthrate amongst the whom he deemed to be his intelligent engineers and to st you know and Shannon: no. Haidee Griswold: Wow. Shane Giddens: he would draw comparisons with like, well, Russia's birthrate is this, and then US birth rate is this. And so they're gonna be bigger than us in wide number of years. And so we need to outbreed them. yeah. No, we just need to breed our way to victory. Yeah. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: What? It's not the Cold War anymore, dude. Wait we've moved on from that. Wow. And that was part of the spreadsheet of like, well Shane has three kids, so Shane gets X amount of money more. Shane Giddens: So so after the first year when I imagined that somebody told him like, Hey, this is definitely illegal, we can't do this. then he changed it to everybody gets the same profit share through the base calculation, but then you got an extra ten grand per kid after that. And so Haidee Griswold: Okay, where is H R in this? Please tell me. There was an HR person at your this company. Shane Giddens: I think the HR was more of a like technically they were HR more than a real HR, but yeah. Haidee Griswold: so that was the woman he was sleeping with. Got it. Okay. It full circle. Shane Giddens: Yeah. Shannon: Well, I love all of these very unhinged, hilarious stories. Did you have any other one, Shane, or should we jump to our last call round? Shane Giddens: I mean, just to end on a lighter, more fun note, I mean, like, you know, as much as there was wrong with company, there was a lot that was really fun. that office that I initially started that was like a triple wide, kind of pre-manufactured building. When we moved out of that, then they were gonna tear it down and I emailed the facilities guy leading into the weekend where they were gonna tear it on Monday. And I was like, Hey, like you're gonna tear down the building anyway. Do you mind if some of us get a little bit of a head start? He was like, yeah, go for it. So, engineers being engineers, we've got access to, some heavy machinery, power tools, etc. It starts off with us just going in there, you know, some sledgehammers, knocking some shit down. surprising thing during that part, a big pile of porn fell out of the ceiling tiles. you know, just like casually, Haidee Griswold: Ugh WHAT? Shane Giddens: you know, those like pop-up ceiling tiles you have in office buildings. At some point when we were knocking shit around, like a ceiling tile popped Shannon: Asbestos filled Haidee Griswold: my gosh. Shane Giddens: yeah. And there was just a cascade of magazines from God knows Haidee Griswold: Mm. Shane Giddens: how many years before, you know, when print magazines were still the porn, method of choice. Yeah. It's raining porn. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: Wow. So it's raining porn. First of all, I love that you turned it I love that you Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: turn your former workspace into those like corporate rage rooms where you get to take a bat to a printer. And then it's raining porn as magazines fly Shane Giddens: Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. And so Haidee Griswold: out. Wow. What are we talking? Is it like Hustler? Is it Playboy? what was it? Shane Giddens: it was more on the hustler end of things than the Playboy. It was a little more risque. It wasn't it w yeah, I was Haidee Griswold: Okay, okay. So yeah, I was gonna say less classy. Got it. There's no articles. Okay. Shane Giddens: gonna say this was not a I'm in it for the articles cut type of porn. So Yeah. Haidee Griswold: Ha ha ha Shannon: Well you gotta quickly flip through it before the bow the CEO Haidee Griswold: I mean you need something to get you excited to have all these kids. So I guess yeah, you gotta get your pay increase somehow. W in this ceiling tile. I'm just I'm sorry, Shane Giddens: Yeah. Yeah. So after the initial, you know, yeah. Shannon: Ha ha ha. Haidee Griswold: I I have to come back to this. Somebody is looking at it and then going back up to the ceiling and hiding it. takes that's premeditated, is what that is. Shannon: Very Shane Giddens: Yep. it escalated eventually and then we got a forklift that's intended to pick up those forty foot long shipping containers that you put on ocean going vessels. And we drove Haidee Griswold: yeah. Mm-hmm. Shane Giddens: that thing into the side of the building with the forks first. And just ripped the roof off of the building with the giant forklift. And Shannon: This feels dangerous. Shane Giddens: so about the Haidee Griswold: But also you could like people would pay to do this. Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: yeah. And so about that point is when we got a call back and the facilities management guy called me because apparently some people saw what we were doing and contacted him. And he called and was like, When you asked, I thought you were joking. I didn't think you were actually gonna tear the building down. And so we stopped and put our shit away and then like we go back up to our office. Shannon: And took the porn magazines home. Shane Giddens: of course. I mean, those were cla yeah, those were vintage. Haidee Griswold: of course. They're classics. Shane Giddens: So we're back up in Shannon: That's what we call them. Haidee Griswold: Yeah. Shane Giddens: back up in the office with windows overlooking the semi-destroyed building. And I just remember standing in the window looking down and seeing the facilities guy roll up and him just like his head just like drop and shake and just like and you could just feel the like motherfuckers like, what have you guys been doing? It Shannon: Ha ha ha Shane Giddens: was like, yeah, all right, maybe we went a little too far. Shannon: we do a last call around. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions before we sign off. would you prefer finding porn falling from the office ceiling tiles or having to be the coworker who is in the house across the street from the office trying to keep the wife out? Haidee Griswold: That's Yeah. Same chain. Yeah. That's a safer one. Shane Giddens: going with the porn and the ceiling tiles. That's that's a very much like I can Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: this building's getting torn down anyway, I'm just gonna leave this pile of porn here. I can just walk away. Yeah. Haidee Griswold: Yeah. And your name's not on it? I'm assuming that wasn't a subscription or address to your house. Like no one can trace it to you. Shane Giddens: I picked out the few that did have my name on them, you know. Shannon: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: Those conveniently got burned during the destruction. Shannon: if you had to apply for this job today, or tell someone else that is applying for the job, what is one skill an engineer must have to survive in this chaos? Shane Giddens: Ooh. One skill to survive the chaos. i the ability to just hunker down and do your job regardless of what chaos is happening around you. Shannon: That's a good one. Haidee Griswold: I think it's that roll with it. Yeah, I mean just like you can't be sh Shane Giddens: Yeah. Eyes on the prize. Haidee Griswold: yes, you can't be shocked by anything. That would be Shane Giddens: Yeah. Haidee Griswold: I just would go in every day like what the hell's gonna happen today? Shannon: What kind of a drink do you get at the bar after a day when you receive an email such as the owner's wife sending out a $250,000 offer to the other lady of the night. Shane Giddens: Ugh, that seems like a boilermaker, you know, a shot in a beer kind of day. Haidee Griswold: Ooh, well said, yeah. Shannon: That's fair. Or you get like a porn star martini or shot, that what they're called? I don't know. Haidee Griswold: what is this? I know the blowjob shot. What's the porn star shot? Shannon: a blowjob shot could also be great. I d Shane Giddens: The Porn Star Martini has some passion fruit in it. Haidee Griswold: like how Shane's like, I I just happen to know what this is. I didn't Shane Giddens: Mm-hmm. Haidee Griswold: learn that recipe from those hustler magazines that I found. Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: It's definitely not my regular go to drink. Shannon: we ask all of our guests this question, what is your least favorite corporate buzzword? Shane Giddens: I don't think we really had much of the way of corporate buzzwords. I I think that our version of corporate buzzwords would be acronyms and abbreviations. Like every document Haidee Griswold: Hm. Very engineering. Shane Giddens: every document would have like two full pages at the end of just like acronyms and abbreviations and their definitions. And it's just like at times it's like, why the hell do we need to abbreviate every single Shannon: Yeah. Shane Giddens: thing? It's like just use the word. Haidee Griswold: Because you can't say hustlers hidden in the ceiling, you have to say H I T C. Shannon: You need another drink Shane Giddens: Ha ha ha. Shannon: because you could just say that. well Haidee Griswold: Ha ha ha Shane Giddens: I'm not Shannon: thank you, Shane, for coming on today and sharing with our listeners this smorgasboard of random hilarious d Shane Giddens: Yeah. A day in the life on the other side of the track, so to speak. Haidee Griswold: This was amazing. Shannon: What Haidee Griswold: I also just feel like I need to start looking at Craigslist again. Like think of what I could find. Shane Giddens: That's a deep, dark rabbit hole. I don't know you wanna go down. Haidee Griswold: Ha ha Shannon: Sweet. All right. Well thank you, Shane. Haidee Griswold: I love that. Wow, could you imagine any of that happening in Shannon: No. Haidee Griswold: our previous work? Like I just wow, I mean, to be fair, I've I have worked in environments where there's been inappropriate office romance, but never to the point where they're replying all and ceaseing the whole company and telling everybody, like airing out the dirty Yes. Shannon: And the owner or CEO or VP or dire like, even up to a director level, could you imagine? Haidee Griswold: Yeah, what a wild story of just I mean, the sorry the porn in the ceiling I think was just the the cherry on top for me. Shannon: Okay, so I've gone to Craigslist because I've not been on Craigslist in Haidee Griswold: Does it still exist? Shannon: It does. it looks a little bit like it's still from probably the era of when Shane applied for his job. Haidee Griswold: It looks the exact same. Shannon: Under community, there is a rants and rave section, which has caught my eye. So I'm gonna no results found. Well that's disappointing. Okay. Haidee Griswold: No rants, no raves. Shannon: Let's see jobs. I'm just gonna click systems network. Haidee Griswold: gosh, please go to resumes. There's one under naughty senior. Shannon: Dah my god, what does it say? Where's the resume section? Haidee Griswold: Seeking any and all labor. my gosh. Just for fun. 75-year-old male is available as a stripper, art model, or a waiter, or Shannon: No. Haidee Griswold: a waiter with little or no attire. For $40, what do you want? Shannon: Forty dollars. Haidee Griswold: Forty dollars a seventy five year old male is available as a stripper, art model, or wait a Yes, two hours ago. Shannon: Is this the guy that posted two hours ago? my god, I just found it. Haidee Griswold: We have to call this. Like I just feel like this is the thing. Shannon: who do you want to prank? this guy is going after a very particular class. Okay. odd jobs wanted. I'm a less than thirty year old female and lives somewhere that I won't say, but frequents a particular area, so anything in between works. Wow, people post shit on here? Haidee Griswold: Anything in between. Shannon: Okay, here's a writer. Haidee Griswold: my gosh, I just saw it in desperate need of money. Looking for quite literally any source of money. I'll do whatever you ask. Granted I can take public transportation to get there. my gosh. Also, my name is James. Shannon: Side note. Haidee Griswold: my this is a whole different side of the world that I just had forgotten that existed. Shannon: What a world that I mean, this is kind of the fun part about the podcast, is we're learning about all these other parts Haidee Griswold: my gosh. Shannon: of corporate life that like I mean, everybody's Haidee Griswold: Okay. Shannon: definition of corporate chaos is just going to be different. Haidee Griswold: It's so wow. And one I will give Shane credit. He knew that his experiences were not average or typical, but just rolled with it. So he fully disclosure, he's Yeah, this is probably not what you're used to, but this is how I had a normal day. And I'd heard snippets either from you or from him over the years, but wow, this was so much more depth than I was expecting. Shannon: Well, on that note. Right? Haidee Griswold: I love that he stayed there for so long. Like at what point do you just is it what is that Stockholm syndrome? You're just you're in it for so long, you're like, I can't leave. What is I don't want to go to a normal work environment Shannon: I don't think he could work in a normal work environment after that. Haidee Griswold: No, it'd be too boring. Shannon: I think I would reply all back to the owner's wife though on the affair list. Like that just feels like something worth getting involved in. Haidee Griswold: I hope he sent that to himself. Missed opportunity to ask him, did he forward Shannon: He did. Haidee Griswold: it to his personal so he still has the email. Shannon: He does. Haidee Griswold: we should have him come back and just read an excerpt of it. Shannon: Future episode. Haidee Griswold: If you have a wild workplace story, share it with us and we could feature it in a future episode. Cheers to surviving another dumpster fire of corporate chaos. Stay bold, stay unfiltered, and please hide your porn in the ceiling of your work. Shannon: And if you want to hear more stories, follow Cocktails and Corporate Chaos wherever you get your podcasts.