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Talking Negatively · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  Speaker 1: We've got a question for American Mamas. Dear Mamas, when
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  Speaker 1: you know someone is talking about you negatively, do you
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  Speaker 1: confront the person or do you tell others your side
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  Speaker 1: of the story? Well, let's ask our American Mamas.
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  Speaker 2: Mamas.
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  Speaker 3: Mamas.
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  Speaker 2: Mamas.
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  Speaker 1: And joining us now are American Mamas Taryn Edelville and
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  Speaker 1: Kimberly Burleson. Okay, I can't imagine anybody talking negatively about
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  Speaker 1: either one of y'all. This can't be anybody of any significance. Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. You know how when you're kids and you
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  Speaker 2: get in trouble and you want to just tell your parents,
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  Speaker 2: let me just tell you my side of the story.
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  Speaker 2: We grew up in a household where, no, you keep
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  Speaker 2: your mouth shut, we get on to you all the same,
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  Speaker 2: but we are never able to speak our mind.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that the desire to share your side
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  Speaker 2: of the story is just universal. It happens your whole life.
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  Speaker 2: You want to do that. And I'm reminded of during
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  Speaker 2: my magazine days, I hired a friend that I went
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  Speaker 2: to church with and also her. She was the mother
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  Speaker 2: of a child that went to our school. And she
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  Speaker 2: was in the literature world. And she had an incredible resume,
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  Speaker 2: great credentials. So we hired her to work at the magazine. Clearly,
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  Speaker 2: quickly realized she just completely hyped herself way too much.
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  Speaker 2: And she did some very unethical things, cost us tens
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  Speaker 2: of thousands of dollars. We fired her.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But because of our relationship and friendship, which was no longer,
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  Speaker 2: I kept, you know, I didn't blast or say, well,
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  Speaker 2: she went very much wokey. She's very much that girl that,
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  Speaker 2: you know, I'm sure she's a liberal. I shouldn't say
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  Speaker 2: that because I have people that I love that are liberals,
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  Speaker 2: but very much wanted to throw me into the fire.
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  Speaker 3: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: So she goes to church, and there's somebody at our
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  Speaker 2: church that I love and I admire and I look
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  Speaker 2: up to, but we're not, we're more acquaintances. We're not friend-friends.
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  Speaker 2: And I knew she was saying those horrendous things about
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  Speaker 2: me because of how this friend was now treating me.
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  Speaker 2: And I wanted so badly to pull her aside and say,
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  Speaker 2: can I just tell you what really happened? And it
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  Speaker 2: was my mom that said, oh.
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  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 2: She said, you have to restrain yourself because these people
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  Speaker 2: always have a way of revealing themselves. It may not
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  Speaker 2: be in the timing you want it to happen, but
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  Speaker 2: she will reveal herself. So I kept my mouth shut.
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  Speaker 2: And they're no longer friends. So I don't know what happened,
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  Speaker 2: but I think she probably revealed herself.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But it is a hard thing to keep your mouth shut.
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  Speaker 2: Terry always kind of hypes me up saying, you know,
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  Speaker 2: Kimberly never burns a bridge and I don't burn a
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  Speaker 2: bridge because I'm keeping my mouth shut waiting for my revenge.
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  Speaker 2: Quiet way that they're just going to like, let it
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  Speaker 2: happen to themselves.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, that's so funny. I, You know what's funny is
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  Speaker 3: I love everybody, and I think that everyone loves me
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  Speaker 3: until I.
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  Speaker 2: They do.
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  Speaker 3: No, they don't. And my kids one time, we were talking,
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  Speaker 3: they were like, did you ever... Was there ever mean
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  Speaker 3: girls to you? And I was like, no. And I
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  Speaker 3: thought they were having a bad day. I mean, if
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  Speaker 3: they didn't act nice to me, I didn't think it
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  Speaker 3: was anything that I did. But when I was older,
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  Speaker 3: like as an adult, I did have a friend tell
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  Speaker 3: me that this one.
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  Speaker 3: Other mom at the school, she just didn't like me.
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  Speaker 3: She just did not like me. And mom used to say,
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  Speaker 3: you know, sometimes souls don't connect. That's what I thought.
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  Speaker 3: I thought, well, I mean, I guess we just didn't connect.
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  Speaker 3: But what I discovered was I don't want to know.
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  Speaker 3: If someone talks bad about me, badly about me to you,
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  Speaker 3: don't tell me because I can't treat that person the
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  Speaker 3: same way. I'm not as nice. Like if I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: I can still be myself. Maybe they'll change their mind
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  Speaker 3: in time. But if I know how you feel, it
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  Speaker 3: changes the way that I am towards you, so I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to give you a reason not to like me.
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  Speaker 3: But Mom did say that she would say it all
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  Speaker 3: comes out in the wash. Just keep being yourself, and
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  Speaker 3: they will discover the truth. But it's very, very hard.
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  Speaker 3: If somebody opens the door and says, You know, so-and-so said,
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to say, well, let me just set the
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  Speaker 3: record straight on my side. You know, I'm sorry she
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  Speaker 3: felt like that or whatever. But you cannot please everybody.
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  Speaker 3: And that has been a hard one for, if you're
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  Speaker 3: a people pleaser like I used to be, I mean,
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  Speaker 3: I still am, but not like I used to be.
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  Speaker 3: And you want everyone to like you.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 3: You kind of lose a part of yourself because you're
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  Speaker 3: trying to please everybody. If you get to the point
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  Speaker 3: where you're just like, I'm just going to be myself
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  Speaker 3: and you can like me or not like me. I've
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  Speaker 3: got my people. I'm good. Especially in this political realm.
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  Speaker 3: If people don't like me because of my politics, that
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  Speaker 3: is not my problem.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I've got this quote up on my wall
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  Speaker 1: in my office from my pastor, James McManus. He said,
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  Speaker 1: a man who defends himself will never be great. And
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  Speaker 1: it took me a long time to wrap my head
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  Speaker 1: around that. And I've rephrased it. if you spend all
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  Speaker 1: your time defending yourself from slings and arrows, you'll never
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  Speaker 1: find out if those arrows.
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  Speaker 3: Had a point. Oh, wow. That's a good one.
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  Speaker 1: The idea being that in all criticism, there's usually a
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  Speaker 1: small kernel of truth. Maybe the criticism in whole isn't fair,
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  Speaker 1: but maybe there's something at the heart of it. But
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  Speaker 1: if you spend yourself trying to defend yourself from any criticism,
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  Speaker 1: whether that's directed towards you or whether it's directed about
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  Speaker 1: you to somebody else, you're not going to see if
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  Speaker 1: there's anything that's true in that criticism that you can
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  Speaker 1: change and can use to improve yourself to move beyond.
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  Speaker 3: Where you are. That's good, Stephen. That's very good, Stephen.
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  Speaker 2: Very good.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you. I need to write that down.
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  Speaker 2: It's not mine.
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  Speaker 1: It's not mine. I took it in my past. It
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  Speaker 1: took me along. As a weatherman who used to get
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  Speaker 1: criticized a lot, that was hard for me to come around.
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  Speaker 1: But look, you want to talk bad about me? That
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  Speaker 1: is absolutely fine. I'm moving on. If you'd like to
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  Speaker 1: ask our American Mamas a question, go to our website, AmericanMailRadio.com
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  Speaker 1: slash Mamas. Click on the Ask the Mamas button. Turn
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  Speaker 1: that off. Kimberly Burleson, thank you so much. Thank you.