Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 75. Shifting Perspective: A Deep Look at Healing Divorce Trauma

Transcript

75. Shifting Perspective: A Deep Look at Healing Divorce Trauma · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hi, love.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: This is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: We're cozy in for the conversations we've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Did you get any feedback from last week?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: No, I did what.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I had like three people tell me I breathe in the microphone too much, but they love me and they know me so well.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: It was so fascinating, because that is something that I've consciously worked on for three years of learning how to breathe and they're like we know that when you're breathing you're processing, but they're like, just don't do it in the microphone.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I have never noticed that, but I guess if people are listening with earbuds they probably hear different layers of sound.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Right, right right, it was pretty funny, but they were like we know you well enough to know that this is something that you, that's sweet, okay.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: What else did they say?
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: They were very excited.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: They were like this is so good.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I'm just so excited that the conversation flow up yeah.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: It's a little bit I'm scared to say it, especially if we release this one, but like, yeah, you didn't say it.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes I think I'm crazy, but that's okay.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you think they think you're crazy.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, so you were afraid to say it because they will hear you have.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Having said that, well, aren't the best people a tad crazy?
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I say best, that's not nice, you know what I mean.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: There's a fine line sometimes between creative genius and creative insanity.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Anyway, all right, so you have been.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I have so many things on my mind, and they've been stacking up since last week.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Honestly, since the shadow perception, brain games matter, expanding matter.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, what you texted me at like six o'clock in the morning.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: To talk about quantum physics, yeah no, like coffee first.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so it's like they've been stacking up since then, and so part of my issue, I think, as I get further and further into my own inquiry about how to live life, even more into my purpose than I already am like living in my purpose in a joyful way, because that is the magnet, right?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that is the thing that, okay, okay, I think we're all meant to do here.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I just breathed into the mic.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Now I'm conscious of it.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna be like.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna be like yeah.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: There's a podcast that I used to listen to religiously and it was like the Murdoch Uh-huh uh-huh.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: And she always made fun of her vocal fry.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: And then there's another podcast, Crime Junkies, and where Britt takes like random weird pauses.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh in her cadence Right, right, right so it's so funny Like this is gonna be our thing is breathing.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Breathing got it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Well, you know it's useful to breathe, and it's on brand like you're supposed to.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So I promise you, all these things eventually will connect.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: So we talk a lot around here about how to grow this podcast and sometimes I have little mini crises of faith, cracies, crises, crises, crises, cracies I think Okay Of faith, and there's usually mini right About, like last week when I got that one star review on Google and that triggered this instant panic rate and I was like but do I actually help people?
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: And you looked at me like you know you actually help people.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: So when we are talking about the methods in which we could grow this podcast, I chronically come back to in a good way, not chronically in the pathological way.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: It has to be so authentic, so authentic, because that is what we teach, that is what I practice, and so lately I have been seeing so many people who I follow on Instagram, who create really awesome content, whom I admire, whom I learn from, get really burnt out on.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Instagram Like in big ways and we don't create a ton of content for Instagram, and that's why Because it's a full-time job and because you can only go so deep, you can't get into the nuances of a thing, and I believe that true, deep healing, the kind of healing that I want people to have and I want people to believe in it, needs more context and more nuance than social media can provide.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Also, I have heard some of them talk about someone I greatly admire in terms of the work she's doing in nervous system training, that she fell into the trap of ego for likes, follows, shares and growth, and she talked about that in her email list this week, but I and then that it was infecting her ability to go live life without thinking about how to turn life into content.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: And so we've just.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I think I got a taste for that like maybe five years ago, where I got a little bit in that, and then I was like this like I'm not with my family, I'm not experiencing these moments, and then I stopped and that's part of why I think I fell off Instagram back then, right?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: So then when I have these little mini wobbles, right?
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: So last week, you and I and our chief operations, chief tech, chief financial officer.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: We were all watching some content I had created some years ago because we're gonna offer this loneliness roadmap mini course for free to email subscribers, right?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: So if you're not on the email list, free mini course.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And I was watching the video I created and it wasn't in this house with this beautiful set, right, but my makeup was on point and my eyes weren't dark underneath because I was in a phase of desperately trying to cover up the dark circles.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: It'd be perfect, Correct correct, and so I saw that video last week and it got in me not in a good way, you know what?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Like comparing myself today to myself, then temporarily kind of forgetting that the reason I wear the type of makeup that I do now, and as much as I do now or as don't right, is because I have learned to embrace comfort over appearance.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And so I got wobbly this morning when I put my makeup on and look, I'm wearing concealer.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you could tell, but now my face smells funny and I don't like that right.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: So it's like even I can see in these moments about feeling tempted to put more energy into Instagram or more energy into makeup, and I think that's not it, but it's so tempting, it's such a trap that we fall into.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And so, as a team, I don't want us to fall into that trap because I don't want us to burn out.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: And as a team, I don't want us to fall into that trap because I don't want to even subtly convey to our listeners, who are asking themselves who they are and who they want to be and where they want to go and how they want to recover from this moment in their life and think that they have to wear a certain makeup to do it because they don't, but then, when things don't go as fast as I want them to.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Then I start to get.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe it drops lower on the vibrational scale, right?
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say desperate, but like doubtful or impatient yeah, probably impatient right?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: So when things don't go as fast as I want, then I drop a little on the vibrational scale and so then out of my impatience, right?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Then here comes the ego, I dip into the ego, and then the ego misleads rather than sticking with what I know to be true, like capital T, true right, which is stay tapped into my divine power.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should start calling it that.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: What do you think about that?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Because when I talk divine power, because when I talk about power, right, then again, here's the nuance in the context I don't mean egoic power, I don't mean like mind power, I mean divine power.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Stay tapped into my divine power, stay tapped into my human design and trust that everything is lining up behind the scenes.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Right, we planted the corn and the corn will sprout, and that goes.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So then I was thinking about how do our listeners know when their healing journey is working?
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good question.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Because it's basically what I'm talking about.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm just in a different layer of the journey.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: And so when we think about the science of growth spurts because 100 years ago they thought that humans grew gradually every day, imperceptibly gradually every day and, believe it or not, it was in very recent history there's this documentary on Netflix, I think it's called Babies, and this is where I learned that that actually we don't grow and then overnight we literally spurt, and then we don't grow, and then we spurt, and then we don't grow and then we spurt.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: And so I think this is also not I think right, this is how healing or any journey progresses is.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: It's not actually incremental, day by day necessarily.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: It's like we plateau for a while, we consolidate our energies and then, when the energy is like so super consolidated, then all of a sudden boom, yeah.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: And I think that where we get into trouble as thinking creatures right, is in those plateau phases where we're consolidating our energy before a spurt.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: We ask ourselves if we're stuck or if we're impatient.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: But I think more often than not we doubt ourselves rather than practice faith.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: But sometimes for our listeners, because they're in it, I think it's a lot harder to know if you're stuck because so much has been chronic for so long and it's so hard sometimes for us to see our own growth right, I can hear it in my clients one to one, like week to week.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I can hear micro shifts that they absolutely are completely blind to, but it's like little pivots and how they're thinking, or little pivots and how much divine power I can see they're tapped into, or little less victim consciousness.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: And so while I often see that it takes, let's say, six EMDR sessions before there's like a massive shift, right, then I can almost feel it coming.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, boom, one week it's like so much changed.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: And I think it's similar with homeopathy that like maybe we start with a lower potency but then, you know, as we get consistent and then we work our way up and then like boom, all of a sudden it's like wow, a lot feels different.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: But then there's another layer that gets revealed and then I think do we feel defeated or do we feel frustrated, like why am I not there yet?
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And so I think that's part of it too right Is that we?
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know that.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: We talk a lot in popular healing culture about layers of healing.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: That's a common phrase in my corner of the internet layers of healing right Like like rings on a tree or layers of soil.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: It's very common conversation in my corner of the internet, but do you hear that out there in popular healing culture?
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: No.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: So we think about our healing as this, and then I'll get to the end of my journey, and then I will be done, it will be cleared, it will all be cleared.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: But what realistically happens and maybe this is a nuance that our listeners really need to hear is we clear one layer at a time and so, yeah, you're gonna see shifts and then a layer is gonna be cleared, but then we're gonna see a new set of symptoms that need to be addressed, and then we're gonna work through that layer and see shifts, and then we're at it right.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: And so I was talking to you, was it last night?
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I think about well.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I've been talking for the last week about this trigger I had last week that caused me to have this low-key panic attack and what that did to my amygdala and all the things and working through it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: But then I said to you last night I feel lighter and I can feel that it's not gone and I can feel that there's.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: This is a significant layer.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: We're working on this internal tension or perfectionism or tension, right, this difficulty relaxing, but I feel it shifting.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I said to my husband last night I like you better this week and he kind of laughed he's really good at taking my very blunt and I was like but the thing that is, honey is, you didn't change, I changed, I like him better this week and that's a layer I'm working on in homeopathy to just feel easier about things.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: And so how do we not get so disappointed when we clear one layer and we're onto the next layer that we tap out?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: How do we not get so doubting ourselves when there's another layer?
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: And is it just that our listeners need to hear this, that this is real?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: So when they're comparing themselves to people who are creating content on Instagram, like just because those people are positive and they look happy and their lives are well, like do not believe that they're not struggling with things like insecure, insecurity, relationships, finances, parenting, like you name it.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Like they're still in it too.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: We're all still human and we all still have layers.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: And then the other thing that I've been thinking about is this conversation about trauma and how there are a lot of people out there and I've heard a handful of people say be wary of people who boil everything down to trauma.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Be wary of them because it's complex and anytime someone is on like one protocol.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: That's kind of culty.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, and I love it when I hear people say things like that, because then it's like when I say you're my accountability, when I think a thought and I say, well, what would Joy say about that?
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Right, right, it makes me dig deeper and say like, okay, even when you and I were talking about pre-ordination versus manifestation and right, I have been chewing on that for weeks Like, really, it calls when I hear people say things, it calls me to really think deeply on a thing and intuit deeply on a thing.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Both right, okay.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: So when I hear somebody say be wary of people who boil everything down to trauma, then it made me ask myself okay, what is contributing?
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Do?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I believe that most people are traumatized at this point?
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Whoa, my response to this feels like it's a lot of things.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: So I do think that we are more traumatized, we have more dysregulated nervous systems.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I do think that we are sicker and more toxic, and I think that tools that used to be deeply affected for many people are no longer thoroughly effective because we are more complex.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Right as we evolve, as we continue to consume toxic content, as we continue to give up our personal divine power to institutions like the government and large companies, we lose touch with our ability to create, to sustain life, to grow our own food, to make our own magic, to believe in ourselves.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Right, we give up.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: And so I think that the reason there are many reasons we're more dysregulated and we're more toxic, but the reason I think trauma is happening more and is more complicated to treat is because we've lost touch of our divine power.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Because when does trauma happen?
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Trauma happens when our nervous system, our mind, our emotional, limbic system in the brain.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: So our top brain that is smart and our forward brain that is smart and it knows how to problem solve, and our lower brain, our brainstem, our survival mechanisms, our emotional systems, right.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: When the system gets so overloaded that the brain and the nervous system cannot process and experience safety in any kind of a timely manner, right, and it fight, flight, freeze, collapse happens from a nervous system standpoint, way more helplessness than the system can handle in any one moment.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And then the recovery period lacks whatever experiences are needed for the mind and the nervous system to realize that the threat is past and that we survived the threat and that healing is available.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Right, the recovery process from whatever traumatic event happened doesn't complete itself.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: It's an interrupted healing process.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: And so why does that happen so much these days?
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Right, and I think a lot of it has to do with we have more literal environmental toxins interrupting our cellular ability to complete a traumatic healing process.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: And then I think we have mental emotional toxins more than ever that interrupt our mental emotional healing processes.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: And so what do I mean by that?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I mean we spend less time in nature, more time on screens, we spend less time in intimate, intimate community, and I mean that deeply, because I think even in churches or other sacred spaces like that, so often we're so afraid of what people think that we're not bringing our full, full, full, authentic selves to be loved.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Well, because we're afraid to be judged or damned.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And so I do think our traumas are stacking up because we are not fully processing.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I heard this story once.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: It's not a story.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: It's like anecdotal data that this happened with our military with the advent of these massive air carriers, because when our military used to go to war, it would take them weeks or months to return on boats, where they would be on boats, kind of moving their bodies, working, communing with their brothers and processing war.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: And now you can leave the battlefield one day where there's no longer a clear enemy.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I think is very similar in our current modern world, right, and we and they can be back on their front porches in a matter of days, without the time to right.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: It's interrupting, it's an interrupted recovery process there's.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: We need time and space to recover and in a modern world we're not and therefore we're more complicated, and that's why therapy in its original form is no longer enough.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: That's why, right, and just this week I was talking with a colleague about TIR as a modality which is traumatic incident recovery, traumatic incident.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not calling it right, but like it's like another modality that I wanna learn because it can help unblock at a subconscious level.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Right and so like, why does Dawn wanna learn yet another?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: modality right, but it's because we are so complex and our cases are complex, and so it's real that we're more toxic, less in touch with our divine power and more traumatized as a culture, because so much of modern living and modern living is cool and it's great because now we don't have to grow all over our own food, but how can we evolve in a way that keeps us in touch with our divinity and not so traumatized?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And that is where the season that we're in.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Also, I think there is another layer to all of this that needs to be fundamentally acknowledged, which is the changing face of women's lib, or like the shift of the patriarchy right, whatever it is that the Barbie movie is getting at that is unfolding currently, right, do women still have to wear makeup and dress a certain way to make the same amount of money or to take care of their families?
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: And you know that's just a small piece of what I mean, but it's like can women raise healthy children and also have careers?
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: If so, how can they do that?
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I don't think they can do it in a nine to five, right, and so we are, as a global community, like reinventing the wheel right now, and COVID was like the domino that fell, that like really kicked all that off.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I think, right Along with and in astrology, they're talking about the age of Aquarius, that we are literally in a shifting astrological season from like one age to another age, and that that is part of what is propelling this kind of shift and this conversation around patriarchy into women's lib and coming back into our bodies and coming back into awareness about what we actually need at a soul level, that that is happening astrologically.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And so what I think just really struck me about the TV show I watched on Disney Plus last week what are our listeners thinking right now if they're listening?
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: It's called Brain Games and I only watched the first half of the first episode, but the scientist was talking about perception and how.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: So much of what anchors our perception is color and shadow and light, and it's not real.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: It's not real.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: But what is real is that our perception, our interaction with our perception, has the ability to create matter.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: That is real.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: So what do I mean by matter?
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I mean something that can be measured atomically.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you gave me the look like no, they're not following you.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Don, nobody's following you.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: So like I mean maybe smarter people than I am.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: So, like light is matter, it can be measured atomically right, like, okay, like this tree is matter, my body is matter, right, it has measurable right.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: But perception does not have matter.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: It's not measurable.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: It's measurable only in our perception, not on an atomic level, but our perception causes us to take actions.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: That does further matter.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: So, for instance, I perceive I like an environment with plants and so I have the capacity to grow and buy a plant and nurture it and put it in an environment.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: That then changes how I perceive the environment, but in the meantime I grew a plant that has matter, right.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: So my perception that the current culture as it exists could benefit from me living in my gift of creating content that helps people understand themselves and their perception better and therefore I create a podcast using my voice, which has matter, right, resonance it has.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I'm creating content that has measurable matter.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the vibration is matter, but my perception of the vibration is perception, right.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: How do I pick up the sound through my perception?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Aha, so the vibration is measurable, but it is only perceived by my ears.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: So I might be off what I'm about ready to say, but perception is influenced by all of my experiences and or my hearing.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: What I'm measuring your voice to be is influenced, measured, by my traumas, my experiences, my what you are saying is registers to me how I hear it, not what you're saying.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's a brilliant point.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: And also what just clicked for me is it's about raising our vibration.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: So my perception that the world can benefit from me living in my gifts causes me to create content that resonates at a certain vibration.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: And then you, as the listener yes, you either receive this vibration and you tip up, or, if you're not conscious of that process, you could receive this vibration and judge yourself against it and tip down, and that's kind of fascinating.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: So when we watch true crime, even though it's probably lower vibrationally, does it sometimes help us tip up because we think, well, oh gosh, my dumpster fire is not as much of a dumpster fire as that dumpster fire, and so it helps us tip up.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: But maybe right.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: That's so interesting.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: So creation as a result of perception, has the ability to perpetuate matter.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: But our perception is fully within our control 100% Boils down to me telling my children like assume good.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Assume good.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Assume good intent, the fricking key to everything, assume good, that your sister didn't mean to break your toy.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Because of our perception of all the pain we've experienced in life.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: And that's real, and I have clients that struggle great, mightily with this, and I did when I was getting divorced.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Remember asking my on-on sponsor, my therapist and anybody who would listen like is true love possible?
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, but when we have been immersed in lower half of the scale stuff and we perceive a lot of lower half of the scale and we've been hanging out in lower half of the scale places, then that's what we see, that's what we experience, that's what we perceive.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: We got to put ourselves in different spaces, right yeah, to perceive differently, to believe that it exists.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Surround yourself with people that assume good.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Yes, surround yourself with people who want good for you.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: And pour into you in ways of tipping up.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, so, in this healing journey, recovering from divorce, recovering from a lot of false perception, quite frankly, right, like, because what is divorce other than a boatload of grief and feeling disconnected from your divine power?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I think about in those Early stages around having to balance, having to tackle all the things right moving court, finances, family grief, work, like all the things how that season Is so challenging to tip up because it's so much at once and the reality is you simply need to keep going.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: And I I went to the eye doctor last week because my contact prescription was expired and this was so exciting.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: You guys will relate to the story in many ways.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: She asked me what medication I was taking and I said none.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: And she said none.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: The last time you were here, you had cluster headaches and you're on a number of medications and I said I know so excited.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: She's like, what did you do?
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: And I told her the story of homeopathy and I told her the remedies I had taken.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I was like your, your brain is gonna melt.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Like you're not, you're gonna be able to wrap your head around what I'm saying to you, but like, here I sit before you, yeah, so then, if you've ever had an eye exam, right.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: She pushes the thing up against my face and she, when she's like, is that comfortable?
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, well, my eyelashes are feeling frustrated with the thing, but other than that, yes, it's fine.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: And she said, huh, I wish I had that problem.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: And I said I know me too.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I've never had this problem before either.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: But again, homeopathy when vital force is strengthened, right, everything is strengthened.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: So now without yes, right, right, right.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Without Expensive, painful eyelash serum, I used that expensive $80 a bottle, turned my eyes burning, red eyelash serum.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: That's not how it's meant to be.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: So I now have these gorgeous eyelashes, but and I don't want to take the eye doctor's Inventory, bless her heart.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: But like, look how our knee jerk thing is to say Poor me.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: I wish I.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I wish I well, she can have access to homeopathy, just like I did.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: But then, and I don't know, like cuz, she said well, surely that homeopathy higher doesn't live here where we live?
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: And I said surely not?
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: But guess what?
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Now I know how to do it, so like, if you want to talk, like let's talk right, or I can refer you to the person that I see, so what then?
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Would block her.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I had this deep thought right from doing the thing.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: And is it because We've been sold so many solutions like painful eyelash serum that we no longer know how to discern what is true from what is not true?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: And it is so hard to trust and to know what is real and what is effective and what goes deep enough and what is snake oil?
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: And my heart Breaks for that Process and like, if I could call this podcast one thing, it would be like that right, like like Come listen to discern snake oil from right.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: But I think as humans we learn by doing and then we get Frustrated and then we quit or we stop because we feel so defeated.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: But I think what I have Gotten good at these last couple of years and not perfectly, because obviously I get a one-star review on Google and I have a mini meltdown, right, but.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: But what I've gotten really good at these last couple of years is Recognizing that when I feel desperate or defeated, it's not real.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: It's my perception.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: And so here's where the whole thing comes all together, tie it up in a little bow right, and so then what happens with my perception?
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Then my amygdala right, like my lizard brain, that limbic system, emotional part of the brain, literally gets inflamed, swollen right, and then it takes days for it to recover.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: And In all of that feeling state, with an inflamed brain, I'm second-guessing myself.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: But really it's my perception that causes my brain to inflame.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: That one-star review did not actually cause my brain to inflame, my perception did.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: And why was that such a powerful experience?
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Well, because I felt threatened.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in that moment, which tied back to other times in my very early childhood, where I was genuinely Helpless to the situation.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: And I have still not this.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: I have a best friend who gets very frustrated when I say these things, but have still not fully process those moments, fully Process them, layers of them.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, but not fully, because, oh look, it's still in there to get triggered, mm-hmm.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Right, where my perception, even when I young was young, was that I was fully helpless.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Was I fully helpless when I was young, or was that the perception Interesting, or did I just not recover From those moments?
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Right, the healing process got interrupted.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, I think so.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Right, and what is homeopathy doing for me today?
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It is completing that healing process.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: And so is it real that we have piles and piles and piles of incomplete healing processes and it's going to take longer than we want to for them to complete?
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, but that doesn't mean life can't be magical in the meantime.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: And I think that when it gets harder is when we judge ourselves and others for not completing their healing processes faster.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: And I wish that I could tell all the world what works and what doesn't work, what is real and what is false, but I think if I can tell one more person, that's what I can do.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: We're meant to live mostly on the upper half of the emotional scale and we are so hard on ourselves.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: We are so in our egos, we're so in our egos.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: You know, I was reading some social media stuff lately about if you go to Europe, you're going to see way more wrinkles on women's faces.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't do braces, they don't do Botox, they don't do.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: It's just real.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: They sit outside, they don't wear sunblock.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe they wear sunblock, but I think they wear less.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Right, they use more homeopathy.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: They work less.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: And so then, right, the crazy overwhelmed I don't mean crazy, but like I mean crazy overwhelmed, like mom who just got divorced is like work less.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: How do you expect me to survive?
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah Right, like well, that has to be the goal, right?
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: No, it's not going to happen tomorrow, it's incremental.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: This is everything that's been on my mind.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, just perception.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: People need to hear that.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: It's not a sexy topic.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: It's not a sexy topic in terms of trendy Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, but it's sexy and it resonates Like if you know you're not going to convince the woman who's in abuse of going through an abuse of divorce with.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: Was that financial?
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: What was that term that you used the other day?
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Like financial violence Like that her perception is off because her asshole of an ex is making it very, very real.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Not her perception, Mm-hmm, how she handles it and having a goal of survival and having a goal of thriving.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Not just you know, like you're not going to fix it this moment, but if you make micro decisions and micro steps toward your own self, that is what will help you climb this scale?
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: And I think that what you just said, and it's your role in my life, right, because I wake up thinking about matter and the expansion of matter and you know like, and then you say micro steps down, right, like, break that down for me.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that, because sometimes these big concepts, they feel overwhelming in and of themselves and we just have to, yeah, keep taking micro steps.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, my husband used to say something.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: He was just like 30 minutes at a time, mm-hmm the whole day is overwhelming.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: I am taking it 30 minutes at a time.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: I am surviving 30 minutes and making the most out of it.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: Making the most out of this 30 minutes.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: I am choosing to read this chapter.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: I am choosing to work on this issue.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: I am choosing to you know.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Take this step because my future self I am determined to be this person so like it's hard to see it when you're in it, but if you take 30 minutes and you don't have to be that perfect 30 minutes, but, like, take a micro step in that 30 minutes.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the way you want to be.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because that's, you know, in the growth spurt chart.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Right, that's part of consolidating energies.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: To then spurt, yeah, and you know, law of attraction states the same thing.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: She, when I listened to Esther Hicks speak and channel, she says and I think you would find this in scripture also right, but she says you don't have to meditate all day long.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: All the Bible does I pray without ceasing, but she says you don't have to do it all day long, right.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: She says you just got to get a snippet of it here and a snippet of it there.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: And when you get it and you notice it, like milk it for as long as you can, right.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Like when you catch a high flying disc moment, when you're feeling really, really good, like milk it as long as you can and eventually all those moments of joy add up.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: But too often we don't take command over making the most of 30 minute segments and then we get carried away, right, like the mood, the ex, the things external to us.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: They carry us away.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: Are we let our perception get bogged down with all of that, rather than saying no, I am in command of my perception.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: That's the right.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: It's why this perception thing is sucking my craw right, because it's so fundamental to how we can make those micro decisions all throughout the day that then add up to create a magical life.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: There's so many like just like cultural examples, like have you seen a picture of Prince William flipping the bird to somebody?
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Not lately.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: And-.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, but really yes.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: So the side of the camera looks like he's flipping you off, but the front of the camera he's holding up three fingers Three fingers.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: You just don't see it.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Wow, but it's all about your view and that's what they showed us on that show, Brain Games.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: They showed us that without adding a shadow under a basketball, you can't tell whether the basketball is rolling across a flat floor or bouncing up and over.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: When they added the shadow is what made you perceive that it was bouncing up and over, right?
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: And so, yes, that suddenly all.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: And then hearing that perception is not measurable matter, that right, it's manip-manipulatable.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes and so oh, that's good.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: Perception is manip-latable.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: It's manip-latable, mm-hmm, which is why we use $80 painful lash serum because perception is manip-latable, mm-hmm.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: And so wouldn't I rather manipulate my own perception?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I don't mean gaslight myself, right, but manipulate my own perception for my divine, powerful purpose, mm-hmm, yeah.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: And then opens the loop about well, how do I know if I'm manipulated or not?
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: Right, like how do I know if I'm manipulating my perception for good or for evil?
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: Or if my perception is being like, how do I know what to trust?
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: And I think you know it because it how it resonates.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Right, if something unlocks a little feeling of freedom inside of you, a little feeling of divine power inside of you, if it feels, hmm, so like, for instance, the $80 lash serum, right, it unlocks longer lashes, but it causes pain in a way that's like not, doesn't feel sustainable to me.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, what is the difference between that?
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: And go ahead.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And sorry, and IE, what toxins are you putting in?
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: your body that just create more issues down the road.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Right, so, but then what is the difference between that Dawn and EMDR therapy, where you come to session and you feel like shit for an hour?
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Right, but yeah, we're not adding toxins and it's sustainable in that, unlike the lash serum where you have to use it till the end of time, creating that burning with therapy the proper therapies it's not forever, it's you're not.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: You don't have to feel like shit forever in order to tap into your personal divine power.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: It's temporary, it's the worst before the better.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Correct yeah, yeah, it's like the brush fire that helps the forest come back clearer, yeah.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so right, because sometimes I think we need concrete tools.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: We need tools to be able to say like, okay, how can I evaluate, how can I measure what I am doing currently in my day to day life, what can I sift and sort through that I need to keep doing and what do I need to let go of that's blocking or sabotage, like forget about just blocking right, Like adding more problems.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: What are some other examples of perception that could be?
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: I think one of the one that keeps bubbling up for me is about co-parenting.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, that's probably a we don't talk a lot about co-parenting here because I don't know, because I think it's in the trenches, but I think that when you are dealing with high conflict scenarios, that's what I mean.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: When I say co-parenting, right, I really mean high conflict, yeah, okay, because it's the conflict that's the problem.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: The co-parenting is the problem, right?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: So what do I really mean?
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, high conflict, divorce.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: I think the perception there is that one person's wellbeing is dependent on the other person.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Not doing conflict Right, like my outcome is dependent on your actions.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, but for the mom, yes, I understand what you're saying.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: But for the mom who is trying her best Because it is the best, it's the best interest of the children that we have a healthy co-parenting relationship.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: But the dad who?
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: Or the partner?
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: or whoever is Doing everything because he wants to cause her because he is, because he's, he's feeds on power, right and control like?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: what do you say to her?
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: That who's truly trying her best but the safety of her children or the you know like he's crossing boundaries that she's setting?
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: Well, it's not like she can say you know what I mean like address.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: So Her outcome and her children's outcome are not dependent on him being a good person, they're just not.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: They are dependent on each of their ability to recover from the painful experience, and it is very, very, very difficult to Watch your children suffer like there's not enough words, there are not enough, nothing right.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: But also we have to honor and acknowledge that each of us has our own heroes journey in life.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: That includes our children.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Since homeopathy, right, I have felt so much better about this particular topic, because there are children of divorce on my current caseload, or at least their Family members on my caseload, right, who we work a lot on supporting those kids to be less traumatized, right.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: But with the advent of homeopathy, I have seen even those children shift and and For it to be available to them to recover.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: Now, are they gonna fully recover while they still have to live with an abusive parent?
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: No, right, that's the reality, right, yeah, that's the reality.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: But recovery is available, and so I think that has to be the soothing thought is, we have to acknowledge that I Can't get miserable enough to help my miserable child get well.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I Cannot get unhappy enough to help my unhappy child get happy.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I Cannot get controlling enough to help my controlling ex be less controlling.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Right, the answer is always going to be embody healing, demonstrate its possibility, become a safe, well-regulated emotional space.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: Because the more you engage in that high conflict space, you're not able to regulate your nervous system right.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: The amygdala remains inflamed and then the kids have no peaceful, regulated spaces to function in.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: And so the answer is and and I think that, as moms and I don't want to just say moms, because there are a lot of amazing dads out there on ps there are a lot of abusive women out there too- yes, like like Act yes.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: I would just like to tell you that there are a lot of abusive women out there and dads who have lost rights to their children because so so this is not unique to one gender.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I think, as a parent, let's say let's just strip the gender out of it, because there are no victims here, they're only participants.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: It's very hard to Heal and move on, like when your child is still In a suffering space.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: I think healing feels like a form of abandoning Right, like if I heal, if I feel good, if I feel happy, my child might feel abandoned by me.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: And I think that that is attempting thought that you can invest your perception in, or you can look at the science of it, which is a Person Vibrating at a higher vibrational frequency that is well regulated, that a child can then come and I by child I also mean adult child, right can come, co-regulate with and feel good with and feel safe with.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Might that child feel envy or jealousy?
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, but they can also have a sense of safety, and then you can, over time, assist and facilitate that child in tipping up and healing and recovering from their path.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Also, yeah, there is not a human being on this planet who's going to make it out without having their own healing journey, and I cannot say enough for constitutional homeopathy as a means to complete a healing process in a Way faster, less expensive, less dependent on tricks and gimmicks and tools kind of way for especially children of high-conflict divorce.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: And the reality is, is our kiddos who struggle the most from high-conflict divorce the ones who are the most effective that have the.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: You know, a lot of those kiddos were also probably much like me, born predisposed, right, born with certain predispositions Around mental, emotional and physical well-being and and those kiddos are gonna need extra support anyways, right, like I've always just kind of needed more tools, and so for those kiddos who are special needs, constitutional homeopathy is even better and healing is possible, I think at the end of the day, right, it's like healing is possible, redemption is possible right.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Are you?
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: And I had that yeah, combo about what is the whole, what is the thesis of the Bible, and I said love.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: And you said redemption.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: Right, redemption is possible, yeah, but we doubt whether or not exists.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: And then we, and then we settle for last year, we say well, our perception is our perception, we're told, is the only thing that works.
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what the magazines and you're staying in line and the radios and the all of the influences point to.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: This is how you'll get healthy, this is how you get happy.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: This is how you get beautiful.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: This is how you get that.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: The security Mm-hmm yeah.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, cuz you'll be accepted.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: If you have long eyelashes, you'll be, yeah, loved more.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you'll be more yeah and I was thinking about that like okay, in Europe or in indigenous tribes, right, I always think back to like okay, because do I feel prettier in makeup?
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, do I feel more comfortable in makeup?
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: No.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: Cuz it smells funny and it feels funny.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: It gets under my fingernails and when I go the chiropractor I leave it in the paper and the thing and that you know like it.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: You know it's in the dressing room.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: It gets on the club like yeah, no, if anything, I have a certain level of extra self-consciousness in makeup.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: When you think about some of the communities around the globe that have had Effective family units, have had longevity right, like abundant health.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I Think it's because they learn to coexist in Spiritual ways, like with the land, with each other, with their neighbors.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, there you have it, friends noodle session.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Dear divorce diary is a podcast by my coach John.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: You can find more at my coach John calm.