Latest / Dear Son, / Why It's So Hard for Men to Win Their Family Back | Ep 197 | The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

Why It's So Hard for Men to Win Their Family Back | Ep 197 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was a very valuable tool to remain strong, to remain calm when the world is on fire in that space.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: But to come home and see the world on fire, but to suggest that it's not because you think you have this calm about you.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: All together.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: All together.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: All together.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's crazy because more Georgia, the time like when you come home, you can wear that mask at work.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'll say, they can't see through it.
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: But using when you come home, the people who know you, that mask isn't really working out well.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Late is revelation, bro.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I got to say it here, because you are.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: My costume became what I was at home.
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when you perform so much and it celebrated,
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: and you spin all of your alert, energy, and that space, that's really who I become.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I come home trying to be something different.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Alright guys, let's get it, welcome to the Dead Sun Show.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of fatherhood.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: It is four fathers, those with fathers, and the fatherless of nobody's left out.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: These are the conversations I want my sons, the accents as they grow through life in the manhoods, so no topics are all for limits.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just one of your hosts today.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm your only host today.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so used to saying that with Jay Black and no Jay Black didn't lead to show he's not five.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: That just taught to him this morning.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: He on the road.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I got a special guest in the building man and we came across my past cross and I don't think it was anything happenstance about that.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Coach Beer, walk with you to this and show how you're my brother here.
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm good, I'm good, I'm blessed.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so thankful to be here.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for just opening the door, man.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like you said, this ain't accidental.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: I received it, man, meant to me.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I received it, man.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm still, and I don't even need to own this.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have struggled up until 30 seconds ago, because I'm over it now.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: With people, now what people find their value in the platform, but when people say that, I'm like,
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's dope.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate that you appreciate the platform.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's sort of like, it's crazy.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you don't know who watches you.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't know who needs you, right?
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like you're rich and like you create in the space, right?
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: You, you, you, you, a dear son is something that I think a lot of fathers say and they hate it.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes don't know what comes after that after that.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You, you allow us to go further.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so thank you, man.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: much appreciated, but nothing about me, nothing about you, I'm about to get on it.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna come up and fly with you.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm about to get on it.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm about to get on it.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: How are you feeling in the real way?
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Take as much time as you need to answer that.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: In a real way, man.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am, I live in a space today of like, feeling grateful and feeling heavy at the same time.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's safe to show why don't you, it's man.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: You got to, you got to put, like we walk in it in a place of,
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: of shaking this on a closet basis, like people say how you doing and people say, well, you tell them what they need to hear because they don't care about it anyway.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm believing that.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, because if you just tell them what they want to hear, you're carrying what you're carrying, you're going to break.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm so grateful.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so thankful to be warm it.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so grateful to do what I do.
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying I'm a millionaire.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying none of that stuff.
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I might have $10 in my account, but I'm grateful for that 10.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but at the same time because of what I do,
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, God, and also I need you, God, more and more every day.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's what I'm living right now.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: That is an hourly conversation that I have, if not more frequent in the book because I need him.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I sometimes I don't be no one.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's all oftentimes I don't be no one.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know the outcome because of the faith that has been instilled in me and I've seen
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, man, can we get, can we get to the before game real quick?
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's, that's the way real.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm at the space alive now.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what I don't know.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I'm okay with that too.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: But also.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't wanna touch no more fire because I made the mistake.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so that's why I'm just like, God, who, where am I going?
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who I need to talk to?
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause I'm, let me follow the example.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I don't, I'm been burned enough.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't wanna go that way and now I gotta be like a, you just gotta deal with it cause I ain't tell you to go there.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: the bump on your forehead is enough for me enough.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I see yours.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: How cool.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do you get it?
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cool.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let me know what I was.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said it was over there.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cool.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell me over here.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's up here.
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll follow the directions.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you do spot on, but like I said, that's how I feel right now.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm doing.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's crazy.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm cool.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm happy in my dad will say something to another day.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, are you happy?
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I think
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: because I had a very just chill, but also like tired, but like a lot of good things are happening.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, are you happy?
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, I am, yeah, but also I'm tired.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Was it in personal?
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you went down.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it was, we were actually in person.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was very in person.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he was sitting across from me.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think he went out to brush to something like that.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: He was like, how are you?
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just like, how are you for?
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's like I'm good.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think I live in a space too because like how much God has moved.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I'm going to be honest, there was a time in life where it was like, I expected some bad to happen.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is something good happen?
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so like breaking away from that as much good as happening, it's still been like interesting.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's been a battle.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's some tension here.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I have to give a lot of credit to like, what God has done, but also a chill out because some bad might be on the horizon.
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So don't get your hopes up, you know what I'm saying?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like breaking away from that has been a battle.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I try and say like,
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Say hit that, ooh, boy like, then we are this like, or this similar.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I thought that was my super power with no highs, no lows, and people couldn't read me.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it came from a very early place in life, like in search.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: me in the part is that I grew up at church with, they used to call us cool breeze because we didn't express anything there.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I really took that personal like that's that's who I am and it sounds maybe calling it as something like that's who that was that was my remote.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, nine to nine to load that.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's what the pray now or the praise to low.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want you to see me
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: That kind of worked in my favorite and corporate, but it didn't work when I left the office.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm saying it was a very valuable tool to remain stoic, to remain calm when the world is on fire in that space.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: But to come home and see the world on fire, but to suggest that it's not because
• 7:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: You think you have this calm about you.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: All to get different.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: All to get different.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's crazy because more Jordan is how I'm like, when you come home, you can wear that mask at work.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: They can't see through it.
• 7:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: But using when you come home, the people who know you, that mask isn't really working out well.
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Ladies, ladies, revelation, bro.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I got to say it here, because you are my costume became what I was at home.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: So when you when you perform so much and celebrate it and you spend all of your alert energy in that space, that's really who I become.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I come home trying to be something.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: different, and I had a confused for years, man.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're from, man.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's get the, the.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm on the way.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm born and raised in Southern California.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people tell you like, you're on the LA when they say Southern California.
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not, I'm from in the Empire.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a Dino baby born and raised in the 909 from the Dino up to the high desert.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then left California, uh, when I got to college, I went to a school when I went to a school and I don't hunts well with them or go to a university.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Very familiar.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, from there, moved back to California, but I'm, I'm a catty boy.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: They went through.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you mentioned your dad, man, he, uh, I saw some activity on Facebook.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: He's, he's transitioned not to be a, yes.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So he was at Oakwood, um, as a children's pastor for a minute.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he just went down to another church and Mississippi now.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, okay.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, you know, change, move around.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: What, what is your lens of his career.
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, it's so different now, right?
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You grow up in the lens, it widened.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I went to his last service at Oakwood.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like, I'm on social media now.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm, I told someone else there was like, I'm a micro-influencer.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're like, you're not a micro-influencer.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like,
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: have a lot of views, have a lot of people who kind of things like that.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I saw my pop on the stage, man, like all these people are on that stage.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I saw him hit me and he was like, okay, this is impact.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like this is what it really looks like.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I saw like the kids on that stage and every young, you know, maybe oldest might be like 13, 14.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I can't remember back to when he was doing this when I was a kid.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the people on that stage then were the oldest 13, 14.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so now we go 20 plus years into the future and those kids,
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: that were there.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then their kids are not watching him.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like those kids are now still impacted by what he's doing.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like some of those kids who were there 20 years ago were adults in that room thanking him for like who he is and what he's done.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just like as a kid, man, I saw
• 10:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody love him.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I mean, and like him give a lot of himself, not really fully able to grasp of how impactful it was.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But today it's just like, if I could just have an ounce.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I could just have an ounce of that, it's all just I'm proud of him, man.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so proud of him to see like who he is and what he's done.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, special.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of love that you said the way that you framed it because he got to see it.
• 10:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's sometimes,
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: not every hero gets to understand their heroics and I know he probably doesn't present themselves as that way.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it's still, it still matters to me that my dad is proud of me.
• 10:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's everything.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm about to be 47.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I was saying, and through this process of this show, I realize that that's not a,
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: where I think that's an enormous, that's a luxury that some can't tap into, to have the relationship and then to have it over time, and then to see.
• 11:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: your hero be rewarded by your activity.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a very, very special thing, man.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's different, man.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like you can't, you can't quantify that.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, anyway, you can only pay these forwards.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: So now I have a son that's about to be 19.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have daughters at a 20.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: In 2022, we're going to the birthday season, but I'm starting to get some of that.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you were.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: That did take.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they were because sometimes you're not sure.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I ain't going to speak for all of me.
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, he's not going to.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not sure.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I'm not looking to my eyes and my eyes glazed over.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, what's happening?
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: This isn't registered.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: What's happening there?
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then there's a defining moment that shows, okay, because I need you to know.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: What you do with it, I'm concerned about that with how the reward for me is that you got it.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully you take it further and come back with new information and we all grow.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, and this like you said, you don't, you won't know that at the moment thing.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Only time.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Only time.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: We try and it's like it feels like a weird game because it's like you see all the in between Yeah, all the in between it's like yo, I feel or I missed this more man like the weight of that is crazy But again like you said right 47 if you dashes on proud of you today, then it worked Right, so I think every time you self that same thing Well, shoot here I am today now how much longer do I have to wait to say that to me and like just yeah the waiting game and here's the thing Don't wait to say that to you son
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not saying force it.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: There are things that not be proud of, let's address them.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And get to the other side, but keeping them at bay from knowing.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: that you're proud of them.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like I know what Matt is the muscle in a real way.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, what do you do, man?
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I am, you know, crazy, I don't know what you're calling it, but I started off as a marriage recovery coach.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's what I called it.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was very specific on, I'm here for marriages and not marriages, they're like,
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: We got a little problem here.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I'm here for the marriage with it is off the tracks.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, fine.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like we are a dead marriage.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't any way back is the true like God got to bring it back to life.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I call myself a marriage recovery coach today.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I just call myself a true teller and I coach people into their truths, whether it's relationship or just the individual, I don't just deal with marriages anymore, I deal with this one to one.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let me talk to a man, let me talk to a woman, let me talk to an I'm married couple, let me talk to a married couple, like it's relationship coach, I guess if you wanted to call it that,
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, there's so many parallels where different spaces, but the feedback that I get from people that aren't in my seat and not the podcast, but on the Father, they're not a grandfather.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: They may not even have be in a relationship and they respond saying, I'm learning before.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wait, I think like for real because this had to be worth something like I didn't I didn't Tone this thing off the hinges enough times to where the benefit can't just be for me talk about it like the story Can't just be mine for the sake of me growing What was been
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: What was, was there any wrestling with accepting the calling that is a point you like?
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, call me John the bro.
• 14:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Call me, hey, listen, I don't want it.
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: God, take this from, I don't want, you don't so crazy dude.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was, I don't know why.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just, I was looking through my text messages literally like two, two, three days ago.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because there was a conversation I had with one of my good friends, coach Kyle, J. Kyle, just do the special piece of my guy.
• 15:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: We were at church at a men's event.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: The men's over is January of January 24, 23.
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't remember one of them, right?
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we talking and he's talking about his relationship at the time and talking about life.
• 15:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I looked across and I said, bro, I feel like God wants me to talk about what I went through and like what I did.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't want to be that guy.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to talk to other men about like, hey, don't do this, don't go that way, right?
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be better because I'm like, how hypocritical?
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's how I was perceiving it, right?
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to look at me and be like, dude, you did it.
• 15:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how are you going to tell me like, there was just a level of, if I'm being honest, someone other day told me how I was like, work with you, someone they said, oh, you're prideful.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, who me?
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I'm prideful.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm like this, who you talk with you?
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like,
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the least prideful person I know, right?
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it was essentially like they were telling me, you're not telling your story.
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is you basically like telling God that what he did wasn't worth you testifying about, that's proud.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I told him that years ago, bro, and he was like, man, I think you need to do what you do.
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: It took a year, say, a took a year before had another conversation.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that was a year, didn't have another conversation with him and my other friend.
• 16:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: We go out to dinner, we go to lazy dog, right, next to parks in Arlington, and I'm like, yeah, I feel like that is telling me to quit my job.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's telling me to quit my job and to start telling this story for real, going to culture.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, but that can't be God.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause my wife ain't working, right?
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if I quit my job, we ain't getting no money.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's God to be the devil.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause God ain't telling me to do that.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they looked at me and it was like, you're disobedient.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, all right, I don't have any friends.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Really?
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't have any friends and you guys don't know God very well.
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because no way God will be telling me to do something like that.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I am finding every excuse.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am finding every avenue to not do this because I'm just like God, I'm not ready.
• 17:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not ready and I have the worst sense of second hand embarrassment.
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't even watch a movie where somebody about to do something that they shouldn't do because I'm embarrassed for them.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So now, I'm about to tell people my story, this dirty story.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Guys, I go talk to my wife, man.
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then we took a leap.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But our ran as far as I could for as long as I could until God was just like,
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not telling you anything else and tell you do last thing that I told you.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that fun that works.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was, that was the crate like it was horrible.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like my wife and me has always been like, my tether to God, which was like unhealthy.
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because she was so much more spiritually in tune than I was.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, for a long time.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so like, she heard God's voice so clearly why I got like a very small whisper that I was chose to ignore.
• 18:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if she says I want to say, yeah,
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the one day I do, she looked at me and she said, God told me I can't talk to you for him anymore.
• 18:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, I'm gonna be quiet.
• 18:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that was one of the toughest periods of my life.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like how long did you stay there?
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't remember.
• 18:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: They could have been a minute and it felt like 10 years.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I genuinely can't remember how long it took.
• 18:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like, she said, yeah, God told me I can't talk for him anymore.
• 18:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I literally had to tell him said where I had to stop, sit there, get back in my were properly.
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And here, him say, exactly what he was trying to say.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's when he was like, put your job.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do what I'm telling you to do.
• 18:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then bear yourself.
• 18:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: What did, um, if for those that know you from your platform, his story is on his platform with the, the how of that, right?
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't, there's a, there's a library of that available for people to understand that they can find it.
• 19:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: What I want to, what I kind of want to pick apart is what you just said is like had,
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: What was the drift away from God like, because I know your origin?
• 19:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm suppose.
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have an assumption about your origin because of what limited I know.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I know how it starts first.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Some of the origins.
• 19:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: What was your drift away like?
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Did you even notice?
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think I noticed because I think it wasn't so much a drift as it was like a very intentional run.
• 19:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like a lot of people aren't like, they have a, oh, I just kind of moves slowly.
• 19:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: The wind just blew me.
• 19:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think I ran into the wind.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I ran into the wind and with like, whichever way I could go to God wasn't how I was trying to get there, right?
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think because my dad's a pastor so I grew up in it for so long.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean at some point, if you don't really put that intentional work in,
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: then you just hold on on something that somebody else gave you, right?
• 20:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't have no type of relationship, no death to it.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so also being a P.K., you see a lot of stuff behind the scenes.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, like, church is church.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But at some point, you know, I'll church as business.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so like you get to see things that you probably shouldn't see.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here things that you probably shouldn't hear.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's just the name of your game.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, it was like, also I grew up in a denomination that was just very,
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Judge mental, very traditional, like, I got a whole nose ringing.
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got earrings and I got tattoos.
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I remember when I was typing on a stage, I had an earring in and it was like, yeah, you actually can't be on stage with that on it.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, like, just things like that was just pushing me away because I already wasn't grounded enough to be like, I mean, I gotta still cool.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 20:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I was like, yeah, that's just saying for me.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we grew up on different coasts, same store.
• 20:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's all like,
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Once I got the opportunity to just be free.
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then I was, I'm taking it.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so my drift, like I said, I ran.
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so once I found my wife, I was getting closer.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she was, she wasn't going to take me if I had no garden to play.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not playing, so.
• 21:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I was like, OK, let me let me lock in a little bit, right?
• 21:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I hadn't got to, like, the real place I need to get to.
• 21:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so then, by the time we're, like, healed of reconciling, I come still building into that.
• 21:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 21:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the drift was really the run that came.
• 21:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: After I got out of my parents' house,
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: This, I probably believe it in on the show with religion, verse, relationship has been my challenge.
• 21:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's always a personal challenge.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because the way I feel about A religion, I feel about all of Ms. Man's, what man does to, right, that's where the typical issues are, what man does to the thing.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: And having a family is where it really hit home that,
• 21:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I can't borrow my parents' faith number, not that I ever could, but that was a real thought like that.
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't know.
• 22:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: They praise, he rock with them.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: They buy association.
• 22:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: They friends.
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: So let me get some of that residual blessed.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, some of that, but haven't happened to family and starting to endure challenges.
• 22:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because even knowing what I knew intentionally running away from it.
• 22:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I could numb myself with my vices, enough, long enough to think I'm dealing with a thing.
• 22:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I could never do that to my family.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank God.
• 22:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I could never.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Imposed my vice is what even as I'm saying that maybe I'm made me this is up at all because one of my vices was success at work and I let that that range supreme for a minute.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right the crazy thing is about that is like a lot of us feel Everything I do is for home everything I do is for family so my success at work is for my family thus no matter what I'm doing it
• 23:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Seems like it's taken away from the family.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: It just takes 10 years, really.
• 23:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is for your benefit.
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: But then you look back on those 10 years and your kids is like, I never knew.
• 23:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And your wife was like, you left me.
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But baby, I did this for you.
• 23:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: She like, I never wanted that.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now you tire, there you go.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You frustrated.
• 23:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you won't know it because I gave all of me to get this done.
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you're not even appreciating this.
• 23:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, hold on, hold on.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You did that by yourself.
• 23:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: You got to be careful, blame me your family for your success.
• 23:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's the, that's what I love that part, that's the real thing that I think for me as long like the, the success was coming at a rate that, um, distract me a little more a little longer enough enough.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like if I, if in, who knows in hindsight, I'm thinking, if I don't
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Career this position.
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but who knows like who knows what my voice would have been in because I knew for a fact that I wasn't being successful in house.
• 24:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 24:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Why go places where you're not successful?
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, overcoming like I kind of want to as a release to what you do.
• 24:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how much you've talked about it.
• 24:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um,
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I kind of want to talk about like what it looks back to when you're family back, and if I'm overstating it, please correct it.
• 24:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, man, that's everything like honestly.
• 24:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Another one of my family back, I had to lose me.
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is something that I think I had tried to avoid for so long.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I'm the, I told myself that they were the focus.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Kind of like the same thing you just told me like the success, right?
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had tied my value to my financial production.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Common.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so,
• 25:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: If money was good, everything was good.
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so cool with my wife.
• 25:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Listen, I'm giving her everything.
• 25:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: She went all the time, all the attention, all the focus, all the love, like everything in my kids, what do you want?
• 25:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: What do you need?
• 25:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's play some games.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: As soon as the money started getting weird and like, I mean, and I'm rude and just like, I'm not present.
• 25:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, my value was a test in my financial production.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, when I lost my family,
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: The norm would be, well, let me go figure out how to like, work my way back into this, divide my way back into this financially in some way.
• 25:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And because that's who I was in my core, I had to lose all of that.
• 25:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God had to remove all of that and say, oh, no, you can't lead because you've never submitted.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you ask for somebody to submit and follow your leadership, but you don't even know that looks like you're already going in the wrong direction.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so my way of winning my family back was really with
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: losing me and winning God, I have very little to do with what happened.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Very little.
• 26:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like God have full control and he did his thing.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was just I'm sorry and I prayed a lot and I was in my word a lot and I was a church a lot and honestly like my story of me and my wife getting back together to this day if you ask her like what happened she can't tell you.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I genuinely cannot tell you.
• 26:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't a conversation.
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't an ALS try this again.
• 26:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was really like I was doing some very specific work on me outside of my wife that she saw.
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, that's different.
• 26:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that was really as coming back.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that when back, man, like, it's hard.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the hardest thing that you'll ever do.
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It takes all of your mental capacity.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: It takes everything that you thought that you had to give and then you give a little bit more.
• 27:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because it's just, it's breaking.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's literal breaking.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's interesting that how you framed it is.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, like, you can't, neither of you can articulate it.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: as you're working on you was the intent to get them back.
• 27:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: No, I think that's important.
• 27:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so like, not no, don't get to family back.
• 27:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like, they weren't, you were trying to achieve them.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, because I couldn't.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know it at the time, right?
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like a lot of my story, a lot of the work that I do a lot of coaching that I do, like it wasn't.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: intentional learning.
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was a God literally took me through a journey and I realized, oh, this is what really works.
• 27:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'll tell you all the time, like, if you do this for your spouse, you can be back in that same thing that you was in before, because the reality is, and if you watching this baby, I love you.
• 28:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she, and she know I love her.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't like her on a talk.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't like her every just, no news last news.
• 28:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, right, that's the end, that's the end.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And right, probably more my way, right?
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so the reality is, if I did all of that for her, as soon as I'm not filling her,
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just not going to do those things anymore.
• 28:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so until we've all the time, it can't be for them.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: If people come to me, it's like, I gotta get them back.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I gotta do this because I can't lose them.
• 28:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, you can't lose you.
• 28:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can't lose you because as soon as you lose, you're back in this pattern again.
• 28:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you have to do it for you.
• 28:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, first of all, you have to do it for God.
• 28:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: you have to do for you.
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if they allow another opportunity back into their lives, then you don't disrespect them again.
• 28:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like it's impossible to honor God.
• 28:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: in this honor your spouse.
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those two things will never match.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you honor God properly, you will honor your spouse.
• 29:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's soon as you're not honoring your spouse in first, you let's say God, I'm sorry because I've already done you wrong.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the byproduct of that is me doing them wrong every time.
• 29:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: As you were working through it was was
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: that weight removed and awake being the pressure of not scrolling it up again.
• 29:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like when you went when mutually y'all came back into the space of family.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Did you carry any of that
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: at the initial reentry point.
• 29:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure, right?
• 29:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like, there's this thing I call the HFA's, right?
• 29:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So in my specific situation, a lot of people work with, we're dealing with infidelity.
• 29:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're dealing with betrayal.
• 29:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's a weight of, I know we're working through this.
• 29:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like at any point, you might say, I don't want to do this on more.
• 29:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's on out of here.
• 29:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you're so very careful about how you move.
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're so very careful about what you say.
• 30:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know that I'll call this on caring a lot of weight of the weight of it.
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm cool with that.
• 30:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm never going to tell somebody not to do that.
• 30:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: The thing that I will say is like,
• 30:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: you can only do what you can do.
• 30:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: They also have a responsibility to do work on their end, but if they don't, right, you can't carry the weight of what happens next.
• 30:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You do the right thing.
• 30:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Give it to God.
• 30:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let it go.
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that works on both sides.
• 30:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if I'm the person who did the
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then I got to do what I do, like I do the rest.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're on the other side and you've been betrayed, I tell people all the time, let it go.
• 30:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can't push nobody, you can't pull nobody, you can't force nobody into different.
• 30:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can only do what God asks you to do, and then if they follow through on their end, and cool, but you've got to find a piece and not being in control.
• 30:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because that's not your job.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do you deal with?
• 30:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: being worthy of them again, or do you even think of it that way?
• 31:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like I we several, I don't even know what episode it was.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: We had a conversation about the curse of unworthiness, right?
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: How you will dictate your future based on your wrongdoing because you can't get over the wrongness you've done.
• 31:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, behavior may have changed.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: The person may have forgiven you and forgiveness and reconciliation are different.
• 31:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: We can get into that, but for whatever reason, you can't get over you.
• 31:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 31:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's shame.
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you have any goals, shame?
• 31:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I tell people all the time.
• 31:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like before, you can do anything else.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have to forgive yourself for what you did.
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that seems to be something that really stumps people, right?
• 31:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Which makes sense.
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because,
• 31:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you deal with the wordiness of it?
• 31:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just keep it a book.
• 31:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't deserve them.
• 31:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not worthy of them.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: You just ask for that question and leave it there, right?
• 31:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the fact is like you can't earn another chance, right?
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can't deserve another chance.
• 32:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can't be worthy of this chance.
• 32:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: You've lost that.
• 32:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so what is essentially being done is they are applying grace.
• 32:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: But grace isn't earned, right?
• 32:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Grace has given even when it's not earned.
• 32:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so your job is not now to earn grace.
• 32:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Your job is to store it.
• 32:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: by not doing that thing that you did again, by being present, by being faithful, by being honorable.
• 32:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You stored the grace that you've been given, but you can't earn that.
• 32:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, Shane is the devil's tool.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Conviction is God's.
• 32:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Shane says, I don't deserve this.
• 32:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll never deserve this.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll always be in the space that I'm in.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: They'll never forgive me.
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am dirty, I am unworthy.
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Battle with Shane is that you go back to that place of I only deserve bad things.
• 32:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people I work with have cheated.
• 32:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: They soon realized that the person they cheated with is a bad thing, but that's what I desire.
• 32:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's why you always see the people spin in a block.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll use faithful for so long, but then you did it again and why, Shane, I never forget myself.
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I never got past that thing.
• 33:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Conviction says, hey, you did a bad thing, you have to be better, right?
• 33:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's got a stool, conviction, right?
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Shane was a devil.
• 33:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Shane will paralyze you, you'll be stuck, you won't move from that space and that's why you have to also give that to God.
• 33:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: because you can't fight that.
• 33:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a small man, but I can't punch shame in the face, but shame will hold me down like, like, I'm nothing.
• 33:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 33:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, God, you got to get that off my back.
• 33:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 33:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a difference, make it for me.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Did you?
• 33:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Did you acknowledge the changes internally before they were recognized externally?
• 33:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: For myself?
• 33:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 33:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's somebody
• 33:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: To see, let you know that you're different before you acknowledged it, because it's one thing to do to work, but it's another thing to acknowledge that I'm becoming a different person.
• 33:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, I definitely noticed a difference.
• 33:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 33:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, there were, there were desires that I didn't have anymore.
• 34:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: There were people that I didn't want to have a connection to.
• 34:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: There were just places, I was like, oh, I can't go there.
• 34:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be there, right?
• 34:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or I want to be there?
• 34:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: but have to run the other way.
• 34:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, that's very different.
• 34:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I wanted that before, I'm going.
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right?
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if I have a craving, I'm a feed me.
• 34:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 34:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so not doing that or feeling like a shake in me before I met that decision was different.
• 34:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, oh, okay.
• 34:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is cool, right?
• 34:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's so just gratifying for filling.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: When like your person says, hey, I see it.
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: is something like, I tell you all the time, I know that you're upset about what they did.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know that you feel like if you say, thank you or a good job, that they're gonna get comfortable and do it again, but what I need you to know is that your hey, you're doing so much better at this than you did before, is that fuel that they will, they can write that for six months.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: You saying that right now today, they can write that for six months, but like,
• 35:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a necessary component, it's sometimes.
• 35:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know some people really struggle because I don't want to give you no good boys.
• 35:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to give you no good jobs because it hurt me.
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm a rock buddy.
• 35:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: But when your person says that, when my wife tells me, like, baby, I see it.
• 35:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dude, like you melt, putty.
• 35:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Look, what can you say about her character that we can probably already assume just from the snippets.
• 35:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like what is, why is she your good thing?
• 35:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's saying, you know, I sometimes struggle with saying that because like I think we put women in the in a position of having to be Sabers, right?
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like they have a role of having to hold you and mold you and grow you right when they are the ones who should be Grown and and and just like watered properly and so we've got that's there.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's there.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm pending that with it.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: My name.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know and I know that I'm a creditor But there's some people who were going to see that and be like, see, that's why you got to leave me in all because you always got it.
• 35:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: You always got to fix some and so like
• 36:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that to be what women are known for.
• 36:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that to be what men attach themselves to women who are so much more bets to them.
• 36:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: But she's gonna get me there, right?
• 36:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: But my wife did that for me.
• 36:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, when we separate it and people say this all the time, like, she's so weak for saying, right?
• 36:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, she didn't love herself.
• 36:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't respect herself.
• 36:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm gonna say this, but I don't want people to think that if you stay, that you don't love yourself.
• 36:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or you shouldn't be respected like people who stay on these strongest people that have ever existed.
• 36:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: People who leave are the strongest people who have ever existed.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Stop trying to compare yourself to anybody else's story.
• 36:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: But when we separate it, my wife seen everything on the phone, she kicked me out, that house so quick.
• 36:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: you can't be here anymore, right?
• 36:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so when she allowed me back into her life,
• 36:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: before it happened, she said, hey, God told me to tell you to go to church.
• 36:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're not talking at this time.
• 36:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're in full separation in separation to divorce, not on good terms.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We've touched on each other out every other day.
• 37:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Text messages look wild.
• 37:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank God for grace, thank God for healing.
• 37:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause back then, it was bad.
• 37:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: But she said, you need to go to church.
• 37:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, I'm not going to church.
• 37:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: You told everybody what I did to church.
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going back into that place.
• 37:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: It said, I feel like God told you to go.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll go.
• 37:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I said the the assignment at the do appreciate that day was on being caught.
• 37:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said this is crazy because why would you disrespect me by going to tell this guest preacher about what I did now you talking up getting caught in church.
• 37:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: But his assignment ended with
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you're caught by God, it's grace.
• 37:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not punishment.
• 37:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because now you don't have to be hell by the chains of that sin that you were living in anymore.
• 37:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so she's always been just so finely connected to God that is like, other of really best friends.
• 37:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like the Bible talk about Abraham and David.
• 37:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I feel like she really walk with God.
• 37:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so her character is just like, is strength.
• 37:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: She is not prideful.
• 37:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: She'll say, sorry.
• 38:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's special in there.
• 38:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I see it.
• 38:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not the one that I heard it for real.
• 38:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't, I saw her struggle with that too because it's like, people don't see my wife as much as they see me.
• 38:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there isn't like her voice, her teachings, like what she says is so much better than I say.
• 38:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like I'm like, I can never make it at all in the support.
• 38:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: They have to like,
• 38:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's hard.
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 38:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who do you think you be without that reconciliation process?
• 38:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And because you referenced like there was a space where it was combative, right?
• 38:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: So having the infraction doesn't sound like you were immediately like, let me get this back.
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like that was some
• 38:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, man, if I were some standing old business, separation for me was freedom.
• 38:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, they were so cold, listen.
• 39:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And God, Jesus, like, I'm really truly believe I'm gonna do a study on this at some point.
• 39:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And while I was married, I was cheating crazy.
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it was like, I wasn't looking for nothing.
• 39:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: it just was like throwing me just in my face like whatever you want whenever you want it phone going off it all times as soon as we separated pretty high school crickets it's like that faucet got cut off and the devil was like okay I got you so I don't need to do this anymore so
• 39:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: what I thought separation was going to be with the freedom of not having to be accountable.
• 39:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: The freedom of not having to answer these questions, we ain't got to fight.
• 39:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can do whatever the heck I want to do, you can't say nothing about it, right?
• 39:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking there's going to be a breeze.
• 39:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was the hardest thing I'd ever done.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So...
• 39:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had to hit rock bottom in order to see light, right?
• 39:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I fell hard enough long enough that when I looked up, the only thing was just like, I came in and out of this whole outside of the house.
• 40:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: If me and my wife had not reconciled, I'd like to tell myself that I was still be doing what I do, but just from a space of like, I lost the blessing.
• 40:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I know what it feels like to hold the curse.
• 40:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: don't hold it.
• 40:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go be better.
• 40:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I would like to think.
• 40:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 40:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't speak to an unknown that way, but God did a lot of work on me when I didn't think to me my wife were getting back together.
• 40:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then I think I would still be holding on to that.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: It would just be from a God is good.
• 40:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: God is great.
• 40:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I don't want to say I was going to be lonely and just in a corner
• 40:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't imagine having been something happy without her.
• 40:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 40:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, I don't even know.
• 40:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many kids, yeah.
• 40:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have four.
• 41:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Four kids, 12, 8, 7, 6.
• 41:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's the mix?
• 41:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Two girls, two boys.
• 41:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Perfect.
• 41:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 41:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is there a concern
• 41:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: for them, and their character, through the lands of who you've been.
• 41:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tell us probably like one of my biggest concerns, my furl.
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: For me, the things that I struggle with, they didn't feel natural.
• 41:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like lust is something that...
• 41:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It, you don't really know how to, you can't control it, you can't control it, you can't say oh I'm not going to do this, it feels like something you have no control it.
• 41:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to like what I'm saying.
• 41:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and so it's like,
• 41:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: When I try and talk to people and they're like, well, just don't cheat.
• 41:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just don't do that thing and I'm like, I know that's simple for you.
• 42:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not your advice, right?
• 42:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And for you, you'll say, well, whatever your advice is, it would never hurt anybody else.
• 42:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I love that for you.
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that for you.
• 42:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that that's a naive way to look at life.
• 42:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 42:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: But sure, cool.
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: That that one though.
• 42:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: to get everything from me.
• 42:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 42:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I do think that there are things that travel through generations and spiritual warfare that exists and if I can get you with this and let me go down that line and see what else I can get.
• 42:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: So knowing that I left my spiritual post as a father, as a husband, right?
• 42:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: What had an opportunity to now walk in, what had now an opportunity to connect to my seed, right?
• 42:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the fear that my kids could carry what I carried heavy, heavy, like scary, there are so many prayers in height.
• 42:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just nights of God, please let this pass.
• 42:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I please just be connected enough to them and then connected to you that they don't struggle with this type of struggle, right?
• 43:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that was one of my deepest fears and concerns.
• 43:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And to this day, it still is because it's just,
• 43:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: My dad was in my life.
• 43:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't come from one of them, oh, single parents, you know, and that's no shade or nothing, but like there's so many storage of people attached.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, they were a single parent.
• 43:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I make sense they grew up like not.
• 43:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any excuse.
• 43:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any excuse.
• 43:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I ran.
• 43:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so like if my kids decided to do the same thing and it's just like, I know how heavy, how much you lose, how hard it is, I don't want that for them.
• 43:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so that feeling exists.
• 43:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 43:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you, how do you, how do you,
• 43:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you parent differently because of it?
• 43:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Open, honest, transparent.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Memo wife, we don't know anything about it.
• 43:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our kids don't ask questions, right?
• 43:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have gone through so much, right?
• 43:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That we feel that they should be,
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: able to ask questions and to see healing in real time like my that wasn't perfect.
• 44:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: My mom was in perfect.
• 44:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't necessarily get to see them deal with their stuff.
• 44:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, saying, and like not to say like parents should let their kids see that.
• 44:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's a decision for you to make.
• 44:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to tell you how to parent your kids, but there's a perfection to life that I think a lot of people like to portray.
• 44:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's just unrealistic.
• 44:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, even if it's not intentionally portray because I don't I don't think perfection was the motive with my parents.
• 44:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was not to be negative in a way, right?
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: what my experience is because of that they don't get the control based on their intent of noney did that, right?
• 44:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I get it.
• 44:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's things like I saw what I thought was the 90% of marriage.
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: a cool 42.
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 45:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: A cool 42.
• 45:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I found out that the gap when I got married though, oh, oh, oh, you know about all of this.
• 45:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, so, and I said often, like, I came into a trying to mimic my father's activities.
• 45:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's, you know, that that didn't work out for my wife.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't.
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it wasn't.
• 45:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not, it's not even a shot or shade the her.
• 45:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't.
• 45:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: self-aware enough to realize that because it's not working, I need to be just.
• 45:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: I kept until there was going to work.
• 45:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: It just never, just gonna break through us.
• 45:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's never, never, never, never, man.
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's, that's the fact.
• 45:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's currently a few weeks, no, I'm probably out of your few months ago, man.
• 45:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Jesus Christ.
• 45:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thought about deleting this video a million times.
• 45:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sitting outside of my backyard.
• 45:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're responding to messages and comments on social media.
• 45:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: My son walked outside.
• 45:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he says something like, a dad like, why did you cheat on mommy?
• 46:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: My son is seven.
• 46:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think he was like, hey, were you mad that you just, it was an interesting question.
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he asked it the one time and it just like everything and we just like, oh, food, everything kind of stopped.
• 46:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I was like, God, what do I do with this?
• 46:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: My wife was dealing with a client.
• 46:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: She was in a session, right?
• 46:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, she's not going to believe that he asked me this question, right?
• 46:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, well, let me record this.
• 46:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was really for her.
• 46:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so he asked me the question again.
• 46:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we have a story, a conversation about like, I wasn't mad at my mom and caught me.
• 46:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't mad at her that she caught me.
• 46:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was mad at myself for having done nothing that I did.
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm trying to have a very serious conversation with the seven-year-old without being so specific, but he's asked a question and so it's just, God healed me a long time ago.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: He healed my wife for a long time ago.
• 47:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the natural consequences of that thing that you did, you still have to carry that.
• 47:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You still have to work through that.
• 47:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, this thing that we've healed from years ago, I'm still feeling the weight of it today, because I know now, like, it has now impacted my case too.
• 47:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we live such a public life, like this,
• 47:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to, I don't want to talk about what I did.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I'm over it, like, for real, I don't like it.
• 47:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't, it still hits me in places I don't want it to hit me.
• 47:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: But God has been very clear about, hey, this is the cross you bear.
• 47:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I saved your marriage.
• 47:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now you help somebody save theirs.
• 47:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's very important to be in tune and to know and have the confirmation that God is telling you to do this too, because the world is waiting for your story, just from the various reasons.
• 47:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like they don't actually care that you heal, whatever part of the story you tell, no matter when it occurred in your life, that's who you are to them today.
• 48:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we'll be in, and I, a person that doesn't like attention, like literally,
• 48:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: But for this thing to work, it means then there's some level of attention at least to what you're putting out.
• 48:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, man, there's no context in the comment section.
• 48:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And there's rarely a comment intended to put us on a path to some understanding here.
• 48:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: And man, I,
• 48:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I, every now and then, still fall big, man.
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's just falling to me because I'm late.
• 48:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: They get it because I think I'm so discerning at this point.
• 48:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, not as person is probably.
• 48:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: will probably actually get it with just a little bit more information.
• 48:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can say that.
• 48:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not even that.
• 48:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: But it they just had a little bit more information because I'm this is 90 seconds.
• 49:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: I get it.
• 49:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: 90 seconds of an hour conversation.
• 49:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know you didn't go watch the hour.
• 49:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: No way you are.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: But somehow you know my life, you don't be forever.
• 49:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: My life from the 13 seconds of the 90 seconds of the hour of my life.
• 49:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: that you consume, or didn't, or you're just in the combat, it's a wild place, man.
• 49:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a wild place, man.
• 49:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a wild place.
• 49:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: What is, why is all of this worth it today?
• 49:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: All things consider.
• 49:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a hard question to answer.
• 49:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean,
• 49:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the immediate, it's worth it because God told me to do it.
• 49:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Obedience is my strategy.
• 49:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every time, I don't have a business model that's super, like it's densive and expansive.
• 49:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Obedience is a strategy.
• 49:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that makes it worth it in the immediate.
• 49:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I tell myself, though,
• 50:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how far this reaches, I don't know how far it goes.
• 50:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I pray to God with every video that he sends it to the one person that he wants to see.
• 50:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't care that's a million people or literally one person.
• 50:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's for them.
• 50:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I tell myself that if it hits that one person,
• 50:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: and that saves one family, and then there are generations that come from that family, and they're just keeps going, then God's message goes out.
• 50:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I can't necessarily answer it for like the long term, but the immediate is obedience.
• 50:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm hoping that it is something that just
• 50:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to be the main character.
• 50:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can be someone that nobody knows, but if the person that was impacted because the father was impacted is now changing the world to our world, the job world.
• 50:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's to be.
• 50:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, this, like you said, man, if God didn't tell you to do this, don't do it.
• 51:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is not a safe place.
• 51:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: There are a lot of people that be on my bat every day and it's like,
• 51:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's one thing to talk about somebody else's story.
• 51:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can do a million review videos.
• 51:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, oh, look at what they did in this, like, but it's another thing, like, when is your story and they telling you about who you are and what you did and what your wife should do and how your kid is going to be and what needs to happen to you and it's just like, yo, I'm saying my kids don't stand a chance for my content.
• 51:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: How may I ruin forever?
• 51:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: They will never be okay.
• 51:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: What?
• 51:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So troubled him and my wife, she, she cheated on me and she'll never have for like, they just, like you said they know everything about you, yeah.
• 51:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: They know exactly what everybody should be doing in regards to you.
• 51:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also the world, unfortunately.
• 51:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: The devil just be using it, right?
• 51:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Since like God's, God's plan for us is to change.
• 51:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: God's plan for us is to be better than we had been.
• 51:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And to talk about what we were, so the other people know that they can come out of that.
• 51:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the world is so big on punishment.
• 52:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of how it buys the even in churches, within religions, within denominations, within churches.
• 52:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: It amazes me, we're not anymore.
• 52:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: How we can understand the context of the Bible this fill with people that they're full of stuff.
• 52:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: But we can't get past the process that next us that that aired do.
• 52:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, in that that's the crazy partners like the people that we will praise today.
• 52:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: The people that we will murder, murder, adulterers, just like,
• 52:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: the worst of the worst, and that's why it's like, if you saw them today, oh, yeah, you would not submit to anything that they're talking about.
• 52:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: They did a originated dirty mac and do that just hit me just the code.
• 52:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mac and do all right, go, right.
• 52:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: His dude is out of here.
• 52:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dude, I was like, I got to keep to secret.
• 53:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That badly, you got to go to that front line and get out of here and your wife is mine now.
• 53:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, it wasn't in hell.
• 53:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dude, and it's like the world will punish God's intent is change.
• 53:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 53:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so that's all I want for people.
• 53:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't care what you've done.
• 53:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to agree with it.
• 53:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to even be comfortable with it.
• 53:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not for everybody.
• 53:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know that God is though, right?
• 53:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so whether I agree with what you've done or not, God has a plan for you.
• 53:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just want for you to reach that.
• 53:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So a day, bro.
• 53:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Before we get out of here, man, I got a curious question because our origins are similar, the entire is a religion.
• 53:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Has it been a challenge for you to present God differently?
• 53:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not really, not really like, because of how I grew up, I realized I didn't know him.
• 53:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So once I really found him, I was able to present him the way that I think he truly is.
• 54:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Imagine that, you know what I mean?
• 54:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like, there's no way I could have presented God to people.
• 54:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Had it been the way that I drew up no one in him.
• 54:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's like, that's not a shot like at my parents.
• 54:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like how they did none of that is just if you know,
• 54:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: like how that denomination kind of moved and like just if that's how it had to be I don't think I'm getting invited to do any type of hate talk the guy first because he's not very loving he's not very kind he's and that is all those things and also he's going to hold you accountable and I'm going to tell you that today too you know saying but also he's cool yeah we're going to people find you if you want to be found still man let's say
• 54:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I do want to be fine, fine.
• 54:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I want Instagram official code to bear a TikTok official code to bear Facebook, Mark Raphael, YouTube, Shiftysight website, shiftysight.com.
• 54:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm available.
• 54:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm 4014.
• 55:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 55:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to help.
• 55:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: This has been good for me, man.
• 55:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: This has been real good for me.
• 55:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: I hope you've helped.
• 55:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how long your track was to get hit, but I hope those words are worth it, man.
• 55:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is gonna help the one, at least.
• 55:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's response.
• 55:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Who's got to be for?
• 55:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's responsibility.
• 55:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: There it is.
• 55:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: People, you're welcome.
• 55:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what to tell you.
• 55:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you guys did this fall in the video, you'd definitely been blessed, man.
• 55:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: At this, any part of this conversation resonated with you, chances are, it'll resonate with somebody else.
• 55:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: So tell the friend to tell the friend.
• 55:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like share and subscribe and all of that, but we need impact to be effective by letting people know about it, right?
• 55:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's cool that you got what you got out of it.
• 55:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: But tell the friend and tell the friend, uh, they're coming back again.
• 55:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's going to do it for this episode.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate you guys.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: God bless you peace.