Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 35, Season 2: Balancing Career and Family for Working Moms w/ guest Rebecca Olson

Transcript

Episode 35, Season 2: Balancing Career and Family for Working Moms w/ guest Rebecca Olson · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I am your co host, Reina Butcher, here with our host,
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: doctor Sarah Hnsley, the owner, founder, and CEO of the
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Love Doc relationship coaching services. You can find her at
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: the lovedoc dot com and on any social media handle
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: at doctor Sarah Hensley.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, Hi, how are you.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: I'm doing pretty good. I'm excited about our guests today.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I am too, very excited. I think she can be
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: very valuable to our listeners and also to you and me.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: I am just dying to talk to her, honestly, because
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: her expertise I could very much use.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, So here today with us we have life coach
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Rebecca Olsen and Rebecca just you know, tell our listeners
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: a little bit about yourself, a little bit about your back,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: you know, both personally and professionally.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Just give us your story, really, how you got here?
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm really
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: delighted to be here. So my name is Rebecca Olsen.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: I'm an executive life coach for what I like to
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: call ambitious working moms, So that is women that really
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: want to stay focused and build their careers and still
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: want to be great moms and still want to feel
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: connected and present and like they're doing their best for
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: their family as well. And I also have two kiddos myself.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: I have an eight year old son. I have a
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: eleven feels like she's going on sixteen daughter. And we
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: are also in the throes of lots of things parenting
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: wise with both of our children right now. So they're
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: in very different seasons and lots of different challenges for
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: both of them, and so it feels a bit crazy
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: for us in the on the personal side of things.
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: And I really.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: Came into coaching because when I was pregnant with my daughter.
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: You know, at this point twelve years ago, I felt
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: very lost, feeling like I did not have any clue,
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: you know, who I wanted to be when I grew
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: up and what I wanted to do. And what I
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: did know is that motherhood felt like it was holding
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: me back, or just in this case, it was even
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: just the onset of it. Right, I hadn't even had
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: my daughter yet, but I could feel that heightened sense
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: of responsibility and confusion.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: And you know, now I'm having talked with.
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: Thousands of women about this, I realize it's so common
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: for us to go through this sort of experience with motherhood.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: But I call it the motherhood identity crisis now because
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: it really does quite feel like that. It feels like
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: a real esoteric, almost out of body amount of confusion.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: And I also found, having been somebody that's super ambitious
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: and goal focused, that sort of like drive of ambition
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: feels like the opposite experience of motherhood. Motherhoo feels very slow,
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: and it feels very repetitive, and it can feel very unrewarding,
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: particularly in the beginning. And so there's this like clash
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: of energy that happens, and so it just adds to
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: all this confusion. And and so this season of life
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I went through, I just was trying to, you know,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: find myself on some on some level, and feeling the
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: two of these worlds like really clashing and feeling held
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: back sort of in both and feeling like I couldn't
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: do either one well ultimately led me to kind of
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: go on my own journey to to figure out, you know,
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: who I wanted to be and what I wanted to
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: do in this world. That led me to coaching, getting certified,
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: and ultimately knowing that this is this is the intersection
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: that I wanted my business to be and I wanted
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: to to support women through this same moment figuring out
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: what they wanted, how to balance life, how to make
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: that friction you know less and that tension less so
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: that we can really thrive as women in this world.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because that's going to be That was going to
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: be my next question.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: So really the overall question here is can women have
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: it all? Yea? Can they have it all and feel
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: good in doing it? Because I think that that's a
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: big part of being an ambitious woman is like, no,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I want it all. I want to be a good mother.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I want to feel present. I want to have a
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: successful business or a successful career and then not feel
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: completely emotionally burnt out.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: And second that, I think that there was a speech
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: by Shonda Rimes that hit home for me a couple
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: of years ago where she said, inevitably, if I'm showing
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: up at work, I feel like I'm failing at home.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: And if I'm showing up at home, inevitably i feel
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: like I'm failing at work. And I have never probably
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: related to one statement so much. And as someone who
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: really values attachment parenting and raising secure children, there is
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: nothing more important to me than getting it right. And
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I can't just abandoned this mission and this platform that
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: I've created because I feel like it's profound. So talk
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: to us a little bit about that struggle.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I say the same thing to my clients. I
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: say that once we become we become moms, our goal
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: actually becomes twofold. It's about both areas of life feeling
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: successful simultaneously, because to your point, if one feels like
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: it's failing, then it actually just feels like we're failing
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: across the board, right, both have to move forward and
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: feel like they're crossing the finish line at the same time.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: Otherwise we feel like a failure. And so recognizing that
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: actually the start of this process for us is to
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: take a step back and even recognize that the goal, like,
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: we have to redefine the goal for ourselves on some level,
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: which means we have to redefine we have to redefine
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: success because success can no longer be singularly focused. It
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: has to be at least twofold, and maybe even more
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: folds than that on some level, but at least has
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: to be twofold. And so the redefinition of success is
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: such an important part of stainable work life balance, sustaining
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: you know, sustaining sustaining success in this life for us
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: as parents now, and that redefinition of success. When I
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: say that, I mean we could go on all sorts
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: of directions when we start talking about that, but one
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: of them that has to happen, or one aspect of
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: the redefinition of success is we have to unmarble time
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: and success because we oftentimes put these two things together.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: When I have more time, then I am more successful.
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: If I have more time to work in my business
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: or in my career, or to accomplish those tasks, right
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: then you feel more accomplished and you feel more successful.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: If I spend more time with my kids, I feel
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: like I'm a better mom. Right, And so we have
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: this like integration of time and success that really we
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: have to start unmarveling. And we have a culture that
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: rewards it, I should say, right, like, we literally embed
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: in our culture the people that our workaholics tend to
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: make the most money, They get promoted, they move up
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: the ladder, all of the things. Right, we have a
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: cis domatic approach in this country, at least in America,
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: that rewards more time and more more time put in,
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: and so it figuring out for yourself how you want
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: to define success not through the lens of more and
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: more time is such an important part of this, this equation.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, so how do you break that down?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I'm very curious, like when you're working with a client,
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: because I see those two things really interconnecting, Like, so
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: how do you break that apart for them? If you
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: were breaking it down, like, how would And I guess
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: everybody's probably different to some degree when they're defining success.
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: Of course, of course, which is which is a piece
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: of it? Rightly, it is a completely success is a
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: completely subjective idea. Right you just get to decide on
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: some level what it means, what success means for you
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: in your life. And ultimately, wanting to make sure that
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: whatever that definite that you have for yourself is something
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: that you can attain, right, is within a level of
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: expectation that is, that is something that you can be
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: successful in is also very important. But one you know,
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: as an example, if if you if two people were
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: given an assignment and both of them completed the assignment satisfactory, satisfactory,
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: right at a satisfactory level, one of them did it
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: in an hour and it took the other one three
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: Which one would we say.
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: Was more successful the hour?
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the one that did it in the hour, right,
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: But yet the person that took three hours, on some
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: level is the one that we would tend to think
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: of a reward on some level.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: We even have a misconception of how we interspersed time
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: and success because we actually, when we really get into it,
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: if we can take less time to do something and
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: be at a level of expectation that is satisfactory to us,
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: then then we actually are in fact more successful.
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: But learning how.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: To give ourselves that level, like that container to work within,
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: is a big part of what it's. Now we start
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: to talk about boundaries and priorities and things like that.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: That's what that container is that we want to give
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: ourselves to work and operate within. Because if we don't
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: have a container, if we don't say I'm only going
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: to give myself x amount of time to work or
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: to accomplish a task or a project, then our brain
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: is going to think an endless amount of time is
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: what we need or what we should give it. And
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: I mean I remember a story, for example, of a
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: woman I worked with who was self proclaimed perfectionists, and
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: she was somebody that had to give lots of presentations
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: in her type of work. She was in marketing, and
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: she was always like in front of clients and doing
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: these types of things. And she would spend endless amounts
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: of time working on presentations and decks and practicing and
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: rehearsing and all of these kinds of things. And it was,
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: you know, ultimately taking over a lot of her personal
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: time because she would get home, she'd be with her kids,
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: and then she'd log back on and she'd go through
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: that presentation again, and she'd go through it one more time,
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: and in her mind, more time was gonna and one
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: more time going through the deck was gonna make her
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: more successful. But if in the end, when I started
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: to we started to dig into it, I said, do
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: you do you ever really feel like you've ever arrived?
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: No? Never, I always feel like I should have given more.
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: I always enter into that presentation, you know, feeling somewhat confident,
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: but wishing that I had given myself more time. Right,
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: That's like, that is that's the endless loop that we
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: can give ourselves unless we decide what the end, What
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: the end is, what that definition of success is what
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: enough time is?
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: That's kind of another piece of this. It's like, what
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: do you want to define as enough? You just get
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: to decide, You just get to decide when you've arrived
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: on some level.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this sort of intertwines with I think some of
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: the tools that you teach, because it's really changing the
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: narratives that we tell ourselves right in our minds.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, this is a narrative of success, for sure, no
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: question about it.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Right, absolutely. And for me, I mean they always say
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: that time is the is the great equalizer, right. We
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: only have twenty four hours in a day and everybody
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: gets the same twenty four hours, and so what are
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: you going to do with that twenty four hours? And
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: for me, when you're in a kind of career where
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: there's just no doneness, I don't know a better word
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: for it, but when there's no finality, it's always sort
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: of this never ending thing versus you know, my mother
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: had a career where she was a dental hygienist and
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: she'd go to the office and she'd have a number
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: of patients and then she came home and she was off.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: There's nothing she could do at home. Very clear for
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: that job. That is not the life most of us
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: are living anymore. I mean, of course people still have
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: those types of careers, but with the digital space growing
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: and the work from home movement growing, I think so
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: many of us are fighting this never ending feeling of doneness.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: And so how do you get clear about where that
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: boundary should be of when I should be done? How
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: do you get clarity? Because it seems like, well, it's
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: a very open ended decision, and that's great, But how
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: do we not decide wrong? How do we make a
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: good informed choice that at the end of the day
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: will leave our nervous system feeling resourced, will leave us
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: feeling like we have a good work life balance.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: So I'm gonna I mean, I want to answer that
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: in a couple of ways, you know. I I think
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: that a lot of our decision making we want to
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: come at it. When we talk about rightness right rightness,
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: that's another subjective way. Right you just get to decide
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: what's right for you. I get to decide what's.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: Right for me.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: But what we're really talking about is that we want
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: we want it to feel it good in our gut. Yeah,
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: That's how a lot of us talk about rightness. Is
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: we want that magical, wonderful feeling that's somewhere kind of
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: lower in our abdomen than just ever thing feels like,
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: Oh that feels right, And we would say that right
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: it feel it feels good to me. And that's kind
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: of the experience in our in our body that we
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: would describe that as. And I cannot stress enough how
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: important it is to put some language to what that
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: means to you. And and and so for my clients,
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: we we do a little bit of some of this
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: work in terms of putting language to that gut feeling
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: or that rightness feeling. And we do it through talking
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: about your your values and what's most important to you.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: We do it by talking about your identity, which is
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: how I like to think about the impact you want
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: to have in this world. And we and we also
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: talk about your purpose why you're here, Like we're literally
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: putting language to what feels like natural inclinations, motivations and
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: rightness in our world. Right we're putting we're putting words
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: to like our our narrative, our world narrative, if you will,
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: And that I think that that work is really important
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: and I think and I really do think one should
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: do it. If you've done any of that pre kids,
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: you should do it post kids, because some of that
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: shifts quite a bit for us, and it's a time
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: to re engage back in some of that language. And
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: I emphasize needing to do that because our feelings come
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: and go, and when we're going after big a big
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: life with big goals and things that we've never done before,
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: that magical gut feeling is often very elusive to us
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: because it's so it's so based in what we've done
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: in the past, it's based in safety that when we
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: go after big things and things that are that feel
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: risky or new to us, a lot of times that beautiful, magical,
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: grounded gut feeling doesn't come with us. Instead, that doesn't
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: mean that we're doing it wrong. It just means that
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: it brings also along with it some anxiety and nervousness,
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: and so we have to have something else to sort
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: of latch onto that tells us we're in the right direction.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: And so having some of that core language to come
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: back to and say, no, I move, this is important
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: to me and these are my goals this year or
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: this how I wanted to find success for me this year,
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: or this is what feels like enough for me this year,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: because I know that, like deep down, what's important to
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: me is is connectedness, is showing up for my kids
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: and having fun and being playful. I know adventure is
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: important to me, so it makes sense to me logically
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: now why I might be going on this adventure right
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: or why I might be defining things in this way.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: It brings another level of confirmation to us that's outside
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: of the feeling realm, which is important, yes, and bring
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: that level of certainty to us.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: Right, Yes, absolutely, And I think I did some of
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: that recently and it's landing me in a better place
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: with that good gut feeling. I recently took off individual
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: coaching out of my services that I offer, and a
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: lot of people come back and say, well, I'm so
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: disappointed that now I can't work with you individually. And
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: at the end of the day, when I look at
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: being able to serve the most people while also able
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: being able to really show up well for my children,
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: it just wasn't working. And things like taking my daughter
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: to school and picking her up from school every day
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: feels really important to me that I'm the first face
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: she sees when she walks in the door to the
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: school because she's still in elementary school and I'm the
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: first face she sees at the end of the day.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: And having those two connected moments feel so good to me.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: And being able to take her to cheer practice, being
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: able to do these things that before I was kind
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: of having to outsource a lot more. My mom was helping,
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: you know, have a family helper that helps, and I
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: was like, no, I want to be doing these things,
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: and so I just couldn't keep doing both. It wasn't
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I wasn't able to do it. And even though it's
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: less money, it's a transition. It has made some people
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: feel sad or disappointed. It was the right thing, and
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: my gut at the end of the day, that feeling
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: you're talking about of just feeling good inside at a
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: deep gut level, it's there now.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, But that probably doesn't mean it doesn't feel bad.
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: On some level.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, on some level. Right, there's that trade off where
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: it's like when somebody does contact me and they're like,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I'm so mad that I didn't get in with you
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: before you took individual coaching off of your website, and
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: you know, I really you make an exception for me.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, we get emails. Can you make an exception
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: for me? About every day? And then there's the guilt, right,
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: there's like the oh, I read their situation and my
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: heart breaks because I know that sitting down with them
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: and helping them through that situation would feel good. But
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: I can only direct them if they want to work
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: with me towards the hybrid group, which is I think
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: an amazing program and why I feel confident stepping down
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: from individual coaching or we have two other coaches, But
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: there is that moment of like, oh gosh, I feel bad.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: I feel I feel guilty because I can't serve you
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: in that capacity.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Sing no, It's hard, right, It is very hard.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Right. Saying no is a big part of getting the
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: clarification or just making the hard decisions. And we've been
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: faced with quite a bit of this just in these
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: very few short weeks in twenty twenty six. But our
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: goal coming into this year because the past two years
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: with the Love Doc, and I think this is important
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: to mention, is just that we've just kind of been
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: really niling it, right, Like really niling it is not
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: sustainable on any level, and so think about what you've
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: done in the past two weeks about getting clear about
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: the brand pillars and all that, and how good that
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: feels going.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Forward, felt so good to just say, so write it out.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Right, just simply writing it out to get that.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Process, clarity process. And I really want to speak to
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: the moms out there that don't feel like they have
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of partner support in this journey and how
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: hard it is because I did one marriage where I
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: had no partner support and I did it all. I
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: did it all. And having this marriage where I have
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: a truly equal partner that does the hard parts of parenting,
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: that cooks, that helps with the house, that does all
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: of the things to really help me thrive. And I mean,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: we're just a true partnership. It's just a totally different experience.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: So how do you go about working with women who
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: don't feel like they have a lot of partner support?
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: How do you speak to them? How do you help
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: them in that area?
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: So when it comes to our partners, on some level,
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: we want to build a partnership with ourselves, and that's
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: part of what some of this internal language is building
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: for yourself, is your becoming sort of your own partner
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: understanding advocate accountability on some level. We only really can
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: do two things when we're trying to tackle challenges. We
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: can either change the circle ccumstance so that it gets
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: easier for us. In this case, we could try to
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: get our partner to be a better partner. Unfortunately, in
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: this case we can never we can. We actually don't
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: get to control that, so that's unfortunately. They get to
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: make their own choices in life and they're either going
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: to support us or they're not. But we can do
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: what we can to make that easier to be more
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: precise and specific with what we need. Sometimes it's around
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: that we can engage in experimenting with how do we
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: get our partner to be more of a support And
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: that's worthwhile for sure. There's lots of ways to potentially
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: do that really depends on your circumstance. Believing that your
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: partner wants to help is.
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: Probably a big one.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: I know there's a mindset I start to question a
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: lot with my clients of you are making a lot
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: of assumptions about what your partner wants and doesn't want.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: Is any what is actual truth in there? Have you
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: actually spoken to them about it? What's evidence? That they
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: actually want to be a partner in that because for
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: us as way and we often take on a lot,
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: and we hold the rest, We hold the way of
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: doing it and in the ways we want it to
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: happen and the results of how we want it to
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: be done. We hold that so tightly that we don't
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: let our partners actually do things. So there's that element
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: of it too, I mean, we can again figure out
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: some of those circumstances. The other thing that we can
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: always do is we can change the way we are
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: showing up. And we always have control over our thoughts,
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: our feelings, and our own responses in this. So when
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: we're starting to talk about creating sustainable work life balance
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: and our partner is a could be a piece of
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: that for you, right, we can start to talk about
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: how to engage them more, and we can start talking
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: about what are your own mindsets and behaviors that are
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: really preventing you from being able to advocate, say no,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: put up boundaries, and ultimately show up as the human
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: that you want to show up is every day, because
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: that is never like your ability to do that never
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: lies within your partner doing something or not doing something right.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: We always want to take ownership and control over our
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: own feelings, thoughts, responses, because that is the most it's.
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: The most useful place to put ownership over. That right
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: is within us.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Absolutely alinquishing control. I'm giggling because my husband's in the
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: next room. And like as you talk about, you know,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: as women, we want to hold on tight. We want
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: things done the way that we want them done, you know,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: and it's really hard to relinquish control in that, which
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: is something that I can openly admit that I struggle with.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: And so you know, I think you're right.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of it is recognizing just your
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: own patterns and where you can let that go, what
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: you can lay down and there may be some resistance,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: but try not to resist.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's the challenge.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: I agree. And I think that in a lot of
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: dynamics that I see with couples, we do have an
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: expectation for mind reading and a lot of women are.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: And my parents had this battle for fifty years of marriage,
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: and I witnessed it over and over and over again.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: My mom would tell my dad look around and see
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: what needs to be done, and just do it. It
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: is not rocket science, you know. What has to happen
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: to make this house run. And my dad would say, well,
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know how you want it done, and I
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: don't know what you want to prioritize, so just make
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: me a list. She never made him a list, and
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: then she resented him until the day that he died
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: for not being someone who was proactive in trying to
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: take charge and just do things that would need to
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: be done to make the house run. He was always
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: just waiting for that list that never came. And I
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: see that a lot. I see that a lot, And
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: at the end of the day, I would say, Mom,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: just make him the freaking list. It's better then, you know.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: But then we get into a discussion of but the
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: mental load of delegating, and so how do you respond
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: to women who say, okay, but I don't want to
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: have to delegate. I don't want to take more of
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: that mental load on to ask my partner to help.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: I want them to just see it and do it.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: Yet the partner's never gonna just see it and do it.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: That's not who they are, right.
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: We're talking somewhat generally because it's hard to get into
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: the specifics of each person's kind of circumstance in this way.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: But the.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: When it if somebody has never walked into the house
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: and noticed all of the clutter on the ground and
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: picked it up and taken the initiative to pick it up,
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: they're that they're they're gonna have to practice doing that.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: They're not gonna do it the first time. That even
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: if they even if you guys had a conversation and
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: he said, yeah, that's gonna be my job, I'm gonna
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna make sure that the clutters not on.
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: The ground, he's going to fail at it for a
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: really long time.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: Because he has to practice actually being someone that notices
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: the clutter and then picks it up.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: We as women have been very are very well versed
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: and practiced for lots of reasons. We can get in
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: the cultural and the familial and all the reasons why
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: we as women might be more practiced at that, but
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: really that's all it is. I don't really love the
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: idea that we as women are better at than men.
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: I kind of shy against that. I think we're very
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: practiced at things that men are less practiced at for
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: lots of different reasons, and so we actually have to
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: give our partners an opportunity to practice some of those
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: things and then fail at it and have and go
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: through the repercussions of that, because ultimately that's how the
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: learning cycle often happens for us, right, And so giving
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: giving our partners opportunity to take on task, take on
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: a task and then fail at it and then come back,
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: we can be a part.
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: We can be a part the process of.
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: Accountability, not from a place of shaming, of course, but
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: from true accountability and partnership, talking about it, helping them
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: notice it, and giving them another opportunity. But what we
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: can't do is go in there and clean up the
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: freakin' room, because.
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: Then they will never learn how to know yes.
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: And so we have to be able to overcome the
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: urge to do that, the emotion to do that. I'll
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: never forget my husband and my our dynamic, you know,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: I would say for us, maybe three four years ago,
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: we went through a big season of really reallocating household management,
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: mental load management and things like that, and he was
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: taking a bunch of initiative about things that he had
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: never taken initiative before. Amazing, so cool, and he decided
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: he was just going to do the Christmas card, and
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: I mean, we had had one conversation.
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: He's like, yeah, I think I'm just gonna do the
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: Christmas card.
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: I literally come home three hours later and he has
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: ordered them and they are being delivered to us in
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: a couple of days. I never looked at the Christmas card,
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: never showed it to me. I had no idea what
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: he was doing, right.
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: So then all of a sudden, the Christmas.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: Card came and I looked at this thing and I went, oh,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: my gosh, we cannot send this Christmas out.
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: And he was like, what are you talking about?
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: It was like during COVID, and it was like the
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: most ridiculous pictures of all of us, and it was
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: like definitely his humor, not mine. And so I had
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: this really uncomfortable moment. It was many moments. It was
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: days really where I was like, what am I gonna do?
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: Am I literally going to recreate and purchase another set
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: of Christmas cards to send out to my family and
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: take these out.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: To his family?
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: What am I gonna do?
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: And it was this battle of like he took initiative,
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: he did the thing. I did none of it, And
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: do I want to honor that or am I really
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: going to take back this task and redo it up
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: to my standard in the way that I would do it.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: So I did not do that.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: I actually sent the Christmas card as it was more
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: for both him because I wanted him to feel successful
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: at it, and for me, I wanted to let myself
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: overcome the really uncomfortable feeling of relinquishing control. Yeah, because
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: that's a practice for me as well, and I need
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: to learn how to feel the urge to want to
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: control something and do something or redo something and then
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: not do it.
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: Yes, So it was a big one for me.
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: Yea.
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: I loved that Christmas card.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: I let that Christmas card up forever because it was
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: like funny and it was like did you write.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Did you write? Ps? My husband did the Christmas card?
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: Christmas card?
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: See some people I find like pictures of the Christmas
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: card and I was like, yeah, that was Daryl took
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: that one on this time.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel safe
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: in my home today without a security system.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Agreed. Agreed.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: And I don't know about you, but making security easy
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: is a top priority for me, and Cove does just
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: that absolutely.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: They have a.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: DIY system, So basically, you go to their website, you
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: fill out all the information. They have everything you need
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: from the doorbell camera, the motion detector lights, the outdoor camera,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: the in home camera, the twenty four hour surveillance. They
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: have everything you need for less than a dollar a day.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's amazing because I don't know about you, but
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: I get a lot of packages and I don't want
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: them stolen.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: No, those pirates are bad.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: So if protecting your home is one of your New
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Year's resolutions, check out Cove at covesmart dot com, slash
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: love doc or use code lovedoc at checkout for up
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: to seventy percent off guys, seventy percent off your codsystem.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: That is huge, And if you get a survey, be
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: sure to let them know that you heard about Cove
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: from this podcast.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, thank you Cove for that generous discount.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Cove.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I reiterate the same things to my clients. I have
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: clients that say, well, you know, my husband made the bed,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: but I have to go back and remake it. And
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: I'm like, but what purpose did that serve at the
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: end of the day, Like, who's judging the bed making? Right?
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Who's the bed making judge in the room? It's you,
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: and you have the power to be a kinder judge
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: and to realize at the end of the day is
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: going to get messed up again. So do you really
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: want to spend your time doing that and make your
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: husband feel disrespected in the process?
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: Is that your ultimate goal is does does the bed
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: looking perfect outweigh your husband feeling disrespected and you losing
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: more time?
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah. Absolutely.
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: One of the phrases I use a lot with my
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: clients is, you know, the only thing that really gets
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: in the way of you following through, relinquishing control, holding
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: up boundaries, whatever it is, is just an uncomfortable feeling.
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: That's right, And in this case, it's looking at the
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: bed and having that feeling of discomfort that's I wish
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: it looked a certain way, and feeling sort of disappointed
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: or feeling even on edge because things aren't perfect the
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: way you might want them to be. If you are
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: willing to feel that feeling and practice feeling that feeling
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: day after day after day, I promise eventually the bed
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: won't be a trigger anymore because you will practice overcome
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: that feeling. But you will, you will you will stop
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: letting your emotions essentially get in the way of your
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: priorities when you share how to do that.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: And I love that this has gone in this direction
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: because partnership is so important for our success. In fact,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: my dad used to tell me when I was little,
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: your success will depend on who you marry.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: This is one thing that he would kind.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Of gosh, and I know rick earlier in life.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I learned it the hard way, right, Eventually I got
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: it right. But so I love the direction this is
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: going because partnership really does show us where we're lacking
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: and so success and these examples that you guys just
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: gave are perfect because they're the every day things that
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: we experience that we have to where our partner shows
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: they're a mirror to us right where we're lacking, where
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: we need to relinquish control in order to give ourselves
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: back more time. Right, If that's again how you define success,
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: which time? Yeah, time is a big piece. I mean,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: we can't deny that time is a huge piece.
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: And time if we had more time, generally speaking, we
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: can get more things done and feel more productive and
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: so forth.
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: There's no question about it.
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: And at the end of the day, if you had
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: intended to get ten things done and you only got five,
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: you can also determine that you were successful that day too,
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: because you just get to decide that.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, you have a good partner who's willing to
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: take on some of the delegation, right, like, oh, you
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: can delegate this to me, and I'll actually do it it.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Sometimes the problem is you, right, because you're not willing. Yeah,
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: And I'm standing up here and saying, this is a
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: big problem that I have now.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: I was a single mom for fourteen years.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I was in that dynamic where I was just used
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: to doing all the things right. I did all the
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: things I had to accomplish, all the things, all the
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: things sort of weighed on me, and so trying to
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: transition into the life of partnership is difficult because relinquishing
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: the control is hard. But I know at the end
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: of the day, in order for me to be more successful,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I have to do it.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: I have to do it, agreed as her best friend.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: My husband's agreeing right now in the other room as well.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: If you were looking at a mom and say my situation,
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: I have a lot of people in my own network
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: that are business owners. I mean, we are seeing such
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: a rapid rise in women business owners, which I think
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: is fantastic an entrepreneurial spirit, you know, and it is
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: a hustle game, especially at first, to get something established,
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: but they also really want to be good moms. What
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: are like the top three things you would talk to
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: them about that would have to be a part of
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: your coaching sessions with them?
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm going to I would choose defining success.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: I think that that's important in there. I'm gonna put
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: that one aside, though, because we've already talked quite a
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: lot about that, But you named one that I also
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: think is important. Clarity is I think the beginning of everything.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: If your brain doesn't have a sense of direction and
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: what success in any area of life, or even what
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: an accomplishment of a goal looks like, you know, then
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: your brain doesn't have focus and it doesn't really know
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: what to be prioritizing at any given time. Right, So
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: clarity over lots of things is really the starting point
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: of lots of conversations. The even clarity over what does
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: balance mean to you? Because balance is a completely subjective
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: word as well, So if you don't know what the
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: end result of balance is then we're not going to
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: be able to work our way backwards to try to
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: even figure that out, right, And so having your having
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: a sense of clarity around what that means to you
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: and what that word means to you and how you
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: know you've accomplished it is also very important because at
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: the end of the day, what most of us think
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: about as balance is actually a feeling. It is we
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: want to feel something different in our life. Even say
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: that I want to feel more balanced.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: We talk about balance as if it is a feeling,
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: but we tackle it as if it's an external circumstance,
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: as if it's a time management problem, as if it's
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: a priority problem. And I'm not saying that that's not
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: all a piece of it, of course it's a piece
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: of it. But what we're chasing is an internal experience. Yes,
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: we might use words like calm, grounded, centered, controlled, right,
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: These are like other words that we might use to
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: describe balance as well. But when we think about balance
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: as an internal experience, it actually changes the way we
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: strategize to create it. Yes, because no perfect circumstances ever
• 36:10
  Speaker 4: create a feeling for us.
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: Right, you go ahead.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say It's not a schedule on paper
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: that looks good on paper, It's a feeling inside your body.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: And I think the interesting thing, and sorry for interrupting you,
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: I no, no, didn't mean to, is that clarity comes
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: through regulation. And a lot of women in this space
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: are probably coming in very disregulated from lots of balance,
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: And so I would say, is getting regulated and trying
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: to feel good in your nervous system first sort of
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: a part of the process to get that clarity, because
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: I know with regulation comes clarity. So if people are
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: coming in very disregulated, how do you help them achieve clarity?
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: That's true, And we go in and out of dysregulation
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: all day on some level, right, and so our nervous
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: system being heightened and not heightened. And so certainly if
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: somebody is coming into a coaching session and they're coming
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: in super just regulated, of course we have to regulate
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: their nervous system before we can get to any sort
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: of you know, deeper conversation. Otherwise we're just going to
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: circle right on some level. And we also know that
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: regulating our nervous system doesn't take as long as people
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: think it does.
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: We use time as.
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: The thing that regulates us or we think that if
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: I have more time than I can calm down. You know,
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: we might say it in that sense, when in reality,
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: taking a couple of minutes anywhere from two to ten
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: to sit there and breathe and calm and think about
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: calming our nervous system down, and in this case is
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: what I would do with my clients. We go through
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: very very simple like visualizations or meditations to calm down
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: and to talk to our body in a certain way,
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: to get to a place of our heartbeat, going back
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: down our anxiety and releasing some of those like spin
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: any kind of gutty things kind of releasing within us.
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: When we reach that state and we do that first,
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: then we can move into something much more intentional, and
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: we have to do that work first. So before you
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: can think clearly about any of this, Definitely you're not
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: going to make the best decisions and think about this
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: when you're super frustrated with your partner who just did
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: do the thing that they said they were going to do,
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: or they did it in the wrong way, or whatever
• 38:26
  Speaker 4: it is. That's not going to be the best time
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: for you to map out what you you know, a
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: plan for you for the next year.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: If executive functioning is offline.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever made a to do list
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: when I have no executive functioning going on. You know,
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: I have to be pretty regulated in my nervous system
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: to you know, write out what it is that I
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: want to see happen, right or sometimes you know, if
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like journaling, having a journaling experience, that's different right
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: where I'm like trying to get all my feelings out.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: So I think, but in terms of success, if you
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: want to get really clear on the path to success
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: and what you really want, I mean, obviously I think
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: writing it out is always very helpful. I think being
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: really regulated and clear and being able to use your
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: prefrontal cortex is probably pretty important.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: It is, I think, pretty important. And so that's good
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: that you can take your clients through a little bit
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: of a stabilization process, because when women are doing all
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: the things, they can come in feeling rushed and feeling
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: like this is just one more maybe the coaching session
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: is just one more thing I have to do on
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: my list. But yet at the same time, they want
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: it to be really impactful, they want it to be powerful,
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: they want it to be something that creates change. And
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: so just making sure that all of those pieces all
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: lined together, I would assume is pretty important.
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, really important. For we're just going to make the
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: most progress in that, right we can. We'll make more
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: progress in a less period of time when you're coming
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: out of from that from that regulated state, right, and
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: we start practicing that, and they start to learn the
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: tools that most of us have never been taught how
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: to regulate it ourselves.
• 40:00
  Speaker 5: All right, you know, very important.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: But I want to come back to the idea that
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: you know, balance is a feeling, because when we're chasing
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: an internal experience WET, part of the solution to getting
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: there has to be addressing what's going on on the inside,
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: meaning our thoughts and our emotions. Right, we have we
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: have to be cultivating an intentional way of thinking and feeling.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: As a piece of this whole puzzle.
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: Right, we can't just be relying on getting our schedule
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: to look a certain way, or our partners to do
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: a certain thing, or a certain amount of things on
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: our to do list, or never getting past a certain
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: number of things on our to do list. We should
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: problem solve for that too, But we also need to
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: problem solve for how to be in an intentional head
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: and heart space no matter what's going on in our circumstance,
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: because that is always something that we can tune into
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: and have control over, right, And so learning having practices
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: that that move us into an intention way of thinking
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: and feeling is essential in a balanced.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Process, absolutely, And I mean the same thing is true
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: in your relationship. You have to be able to master
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: your thoughts and be able to successfully process your emotions
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: to show up as a securely attached partner who's capable
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: of the really hard relational stuff. And so it's interesting
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: that that also mirrors our work and our parenting as well.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: To be able to show up as the best version
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: of ourselves, we have to have control over those things.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: And for so long in my own life, I didn't
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: have any control over those things, and I always wondered
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: why I was unhappy and spinning my wheels and immersed
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: with shame and perfectionism and all of the things that
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: actually sabotage our success. We think things like perfectionism and
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: being hard on ourselves and pushing ourselves through shame makes
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: us successful, but it really doesn't. It actually tortures us
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: and it holds.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: Us back sustainable.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: I mean eventually you will crash and burn at some point.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: Whenever that might happen, I do want to shift gears
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: just a little bit because I want you to. I
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: want to make sure that we cover you know, your
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: coaching practice a little bit more specifically around ambitious and
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: balanced and you know, just talk a little bit more
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: about that. Are there certain pillars, like is it a
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: certain time that it takes to get through the program,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Like just kind of line that out for our listeners
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: so that you know, you become a good resource for them.
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: Absolutely.
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: So the program is three months, and I've actually chosen
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: three months really specifically. I've worked with clients much longer
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: than that. And just to be clear, the focus of
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: this is sustainable work life balance. It's like it's like
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: as much as I can guarantee, and of course I
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: can't because I can't actually live everybody's life, but as
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: much as I can, if you're following the process, at
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: the end of three months, you are going to learn
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: and be in practice and and be practiced in how
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: how to live sustainably both at work at home and
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: feel successful at both.
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: And so that is the.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Goal three months, I find is the right amount of
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: time to be literally practicing on a daily, weekly basis
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: and having those regular check ins on a weekly basis
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: in this case, to be able to achieve that sort
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: of habit, because that's how I like to think about
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: this is like work with balances. It's a lot of
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: habit building in a lot of ways. It's about unlearning
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: some practices or kind of letting some practices go and
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: forming ones that are actually really supportive to us. And
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: so so in this case, the way this program works
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: is I teach you the process all up front, so
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: you have about a month that you have access to
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: a virtual classroom that's going to teach you and very
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: bite sized pieces the pillars of the program. And so
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: if I were to start to talk about that, we've
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: actually touched We've touched on a lot of it already,
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: we just haven't necessarily used all the language. But the
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: first pillar in the process, or the first step would be,
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: would be the clarity process. So getting clear on what
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: balance means, how you want to define success or even
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: enough sometimes I will talk about those interchangeably, and also
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: what your priorities are for yourself moving forward, how you
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: want to define those that's the sort of the clarity
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: process that we have to go through. Those are kind
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: of the key conversations with yourself that you have to
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: have in order to give your brain some direction. Number
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: two that we need to move into. Step number two
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: is building an inner cheerleader. So if you have a
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: perfect life, if you will, and of course that's nobody
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: really has a perfect life, but it comes in all
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: the time. I have people that tell me I have
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: literally everything I ever dreamed of when I left college.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: I have a great job, and I make good money,
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: and I'm an amazing partner, and I have great kids,
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: and I have a house, and I have all these things,
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: but I'm not happy. Right. You can't experience balance if
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: you have a perfect set of circumstances, if you will
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: in your life, and internally you don't feel that way.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: If you're berating your if you're constantly feeling like you're failing,
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: if you're feeling like you're not enough right, If those
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: two things are not matched, then we're not going to
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: experience them. So you have to learn how to This
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: comes into the intentional thinking and feeling. You actually have
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: to learn how to cultivate that. I call that your
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: inner cheerleader. How do you build a narrative within your
• 45:17
  Speaker 4: within your mind and in your body that is supportive
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: of your priorities and the vision and the life that
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: you that you want, that's constantly cheering you on, telling
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: you that it's possible, telling you how you've been successful
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: instead of how you haven't been successful. Right, Learning how
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: to sort of interrupt some of that negative thought patterns
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: that happened for us, and then how to think intentionally.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: That's all kind of a part of step two, the
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: inner cheerleader step, and then step three of the process
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: is really learning how to control, learning how to control
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: your behaviors and be somebody that follows through with the
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: things that you say you're going to fall through with.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: So, if you have clarity on what it is you
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: want and what balance in is, and what your priorities are,
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: and now you have an inner cheerleader that's supporting you,
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: now you actually have to be somebody that actually executes
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: on those things, which is the hard part.
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: That's sort of the emotional regulation part, because the only
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: thing that ever gets in the way of us holding
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: to a boundary or a priority is ultimately a feeling. Yeah,
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: so learning to build a toolkit for yourself that really
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: is effective for you, and learning how to manage your
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: emotions regulate yourself through moments where you want to log
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: back on later tonight and keep working because you didn't
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: feel like you got enough done, or you want to
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: in this case like fix the bed because your husband
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: do it and do it well right. Learning how to
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: overcome those very almost cyclical moments that you have throughout
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: your day where you tend to kind of compromise on
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: your priorities, and learning how to manage your emotions through that.
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: That's really step three of the process, and so that
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: you get all you learn all of that in about
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: a month's time in a virtual classroom and then we
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: come together and we start meeting weekly for three months
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: where you just are literally in the practice of holding
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: to your priorities, of overcoming those urges, learning how learning
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: how to do that on a very regular basis, with
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: support for me, support from the other amazing women that
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: are also in the group that are also learning the
• 47:17
  Speaker 4: same thing and practicing the same thing. At the end
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: of the day, I have yet to have somebody that
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: goes through the process that didn't start. They usually I
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: usually have them rate themselves at the beginning of the process,
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: and they usually, I'm gonna say, on average, er they
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: rate themselves a three out of ten in terms of balance,
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: and by the time that they leave across the board
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: their seven or higher.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: Oh that's awesome. Yeah. I always say we have to
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: strive to be like a bee, like a good, like
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: a bee, like an eighty percent, especially in our relationships too.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: I mean, obviously relationships are intertwined into our work life balance.
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: But whenever we're a solid bee at something, man, we've
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: were successful. In my opinion, that's how I to define success. Yeah,
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: it's like we don't have to. The perfectionist old part
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: of me would have been like, no, it has to
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: be an a But I'm like, no, life, life is
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: about being like an eighty percent.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, catching and correcting, like you say, you know, catching
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: catching exact stoner ago, Right, That's true. Success is when
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: you're able, like when you have the awareness that you
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: actually aren't perfect, you're able to catch it and then correct.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: And not shame yourself over it in the night. It's something, right,
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: I'm sure you know. Whenever we form new habits, whenever
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: we start executing new behaviors. We do have backslides because
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: those old programs still live in the brain. They're still
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: wired into the brain, and we're trying to create new wiring,
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: create new grooves in the brain, and use our conscious
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: intention to shift things over to the new grooves. Right,
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: But the old grooves are never going to be I mean,
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: they're going to lessen, they're going to fade, but they'll
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: always be maybe a certain stressful event or a certain
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: stressful day, or something that happens at work, or something
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: that happens with your kids, where the weight of that
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: is a lot for your nervous system, and then the
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: brain tries to go back to the default, of course.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: And so what do you tell your clients about that,
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: about some backsliding, or about having a day where you
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: did go back and log on because you got back
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: in that loop of I didn't do enough. How do
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: you talk to your clients about those types of sort
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: of backslides when you're building new habits.
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: The most important piece of that is normalization.
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: Yes, is to not judge right. Of course, that's going
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: to happen.
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: We are human beings that live constantly in a state
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: of operating with other people we are going to be
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: triggered and old habits are going to come up. Of course,
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: it's going to happen. That's the way of life, right.
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: We're never going to create a perfect circumstance where that's
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: not going to happen. Ye that it's so important though,
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: because we do, and particularly I think we as women
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: judge ourselves more than men. We get into the state
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: of shame and judgment. And then that comes something else
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: that we have to like tackle instead of the actual problem,
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: which is how do we just get ourselves back on track? Now,
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: we have to figure out how to get ourselves back
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: on track, and we have to get ourselves out of
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: the heap of shame that we're in. At the same time,
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: it's just not useful to us right, right, and so
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: coming when I start to some of the tools that
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: I teach around emotional regulation, a big part of it
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: is normalizing the fact.
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: That you were triggered to begin with.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Right to just say, get my language, Yes.
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: This is yep, my kid is screaming, and I am
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: I have that urge to yell at them. Maybe I
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: even yell at them, because that happens on occasion, and
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: you know what of course he did X Y or
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: Z today. Right, of course, I'm gonna that's gonna be
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: frustrating to me. It's okay, I'm a human being. That
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: doesn't mean we don't have to take any of that
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: and then make it mean something else. Right, We don't
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: have to tell ourselves stories about how now I'm a
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: terrible mom because of that, or you know, I don't
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: I'm not very good at my job because of X Y.
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: Right. We like to do that too when we're kind
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: of trying.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: Women are notorious for catastrophizing, absolutely.
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: And even something you know, something bite something.
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: I've screwed up.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm screwing up my kids they're ruined for life.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: What did I do wrong?
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: You know right? I do it all the time, no
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: question about it.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: Same.
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: Well, so learning how to just normalize these moments.
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: And and not put any weight to them at all
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: and just say, oh wow, yep, that was one of
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: those moments. Of course that was going to happen. Let's
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: just focus on getting back on track. That is going
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: to be the fastest way that we're going to keep
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: moving forward.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, normalization is definitely like the ultimate resolve I feel
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: like is just being able to to correct quicker.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: Well, it's act to shame.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: Shame is an identity based emotion that says you are
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: bad and you can't be fixed. You know, It's like
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: you are bad. And so if you take that out
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: of it, I'm not bad. I just I'm human.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: And this is how the brain. This is literally how
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: the brain works. Sometimes it backtracks, so okay, I have
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: a normal human brain. Okay, let's get let's get past
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: it and let's move forward.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:12
  Speaker 4: I like to sometimes even bring that voice on the
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: team with my clients because we still we'll start talking
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: about you know, why why does that sort of internal
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: critical voice exist for us? And in a lot of ways,
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: it's a safety voice, right, it's just protecting us and
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: protecting us from failure, protecting us from catastrophe, protecting us
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: from you know, being isolated or whatever it is. And
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: we don't want that voice to go entirely away. We
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: need them to be sort of scanning life for us
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: for actual threat. But and so if we can get
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: them on our team in that way and we can
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: say actually, they serve a purpose, we just don't want
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: them to be the main voice in our head that's
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: making all of our decisions and telling.
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: Us what we shouldn't be doing all of the time.
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: Can't be the boss, they can't be the boss, but
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: they could be on the team.
• 52:58
  Speaker 5: We're just gonna give them a We're gonna give them a.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: Quiet, a quiet sliver of our attention every once in
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: a while when it feels relevant.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the you know, doctor Hinsley often says,
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: you know, you have to shift that perspective of what
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: if to even if. Right, So, even if this happens,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be okay, right, Like.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: What's the worst that could happen?
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I think, you know, normalization as the
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: ultimate resolve, I think is a great place to wrap up.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: So I just want to make sure that our listeners
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: know where to find you.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: Where can they find you?
• 53:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: So my website is Rebecca Olsencaching dot com, but I
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: am very active on LinkedIn mostly Instagram a bit as well.
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: And then you can also listen to my podcast, Ambitious
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: and Balanced Working Moms.
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: Start listening to that because it is just recently that
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: I feel like as a founder, as an entrepreneur, I
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: am finally stepping back into balance and it is blissful. Yeah,
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: we were out, we were out of balance. We were
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: all out of balance at the end of twenty twenty five,
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: and it was tough. It was rough, and so I
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: definitely recommend to all of our busy moms out there
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: who are trying to be the best parent and worker,
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: whatever your career is, please check out Rebecca Olson's coaching practice,
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: listen to our podcast. Because the more regulated you can
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: be in all of the spaces, whether that's your relationship,
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: whether that's at work, whether that's parenting, the better off
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: you're going to be. Regulation and safety in your own
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: body lends itself to all of those areas, and we
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: want to cultivate that wherever we go. So thank you
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: so much for being on here much. Rebecca.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: Value just really enjoyed talking to you. It really is
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: so valuable, such a pleasure.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, Thank you and for everybody
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: else listening. Thank you guys so much. We love every
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: single one of you. Please continue to tune in obviously,
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: go check out Rebecca and of course dotg Hensley while
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: you're surfing the world wide Web. And until next time, peace,
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: love and perspective.
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: M