Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Senseless Survey: Where humour meets everyday absurdity

Transcript

Senseless Survey: Where humour meets everyday absurdity · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Here we go, Here we go. Here's another senseless survey
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: from Darren Wackhead Simpson on KFM Mornings.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: KFM Mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, asking the important questions for the nation, as you know,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: for a prass from the small business here in the
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Western Cape. All right, let's go. How many questions before
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: the person gets irritated and puts the phone down shirlin.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Four questions? Come on November.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: We are tired. We don't have time for these long chat.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I think that our tolerance is a bit higher for
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit of tomfoolery and hygienks. We're saying no
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: this November. Four questions. Okay, service, you are you half
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: glassful type of girl? I'll double it respectfully. Eight questions, thanks, thanks,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: producer bread, I'll triple it. Twelve. No, it's not even remis.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'd say quite, but I know your mets is high
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: sixteen maybe quadruple twelve, No, twenty, I'm not taking by
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: he's dropped out of school, he's gone, come on, give
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: it a room. He's quadruple twelve.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: What, No, man, I don't know.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Quadruple twelve?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Why is it quadrupling twelve?
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Exactly, that's not even Monday Mats because subs double
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: yours quadruple twelve bread shillans continue the pattern. I want
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: you to quit. Forget it, yeah, quadruple four forget it? Bang,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: done it? Okay, yeah your brothers, Yeah, exactly, he's failing
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Monday Mats for the year. I'm not yet. He's failing
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: it exactly two weeks. Okay, let's shut it down on
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: the whatsapped telephone. Here is your senseless survey. Thank you
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: pulling off. Good morning, ma'am. Imagine three one nine sixty.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'm calling you from the Census Bureau. I just need
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: a litterally thirty seconds of your time to ask you
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: a few questions for your country. Ma'am? Does it freak
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: you out to know that we are closer to the
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: year twenty seventy five than to nineteen seventy? Oh?
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Fun, I don't mind.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Are you aware that if you don't raise your kids properly,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: you have to raise your grandkids? Deep, ma'am. How exciting
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: is it that there are hundreds of people out there
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: who are wearing clothing that you tried on but never bought.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: No way, Oh, that must be a lot, ma'am. Do
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: you trust microwaves that don't spin the food. Yeah, those
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: cheap ones. Yeah, I don't know. No, I wouldn't be
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: able to answer that one. Do you know that passwords
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: they're like underwear? They should never be shared and changed frequently?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: John can be true, ma'am? Do you wish that your
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: neck fat rolls were as cute as your dog's neck
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: fat roles?
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: I don't have.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Wrinkles. Are you aware that if you replace potato chips
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: with kale chips as a snack, you can lose up
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: to ninety percent of what little joy you have in
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: your life? Yes, ma'am. How long? Due to inflation? Saying
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: you look like a million bucks actually becomes an insult. No,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know that answer Ken The saying it's the
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: thought that counts applied to exercise. When we were kids,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: we hated getting spanked and taking naps. Are you now
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: into both of those things?
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Depending depending and ma'am, do you know this that if
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: a man says I don't have a condom, you should
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: say that's fine, I'm ready to be a parent.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: That's actually a great public service announcement.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I tell you the sea.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: The one time where I thought you were actually doing
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: a service for the public. Thank you for that awareness.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Which question, in particular.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: The condom question.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Are you ready to be a parent? Yes?
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Yes, because clearly, clearly you are if you on one,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: you don't want to use this thing.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you see, it's a lot deeper when you scratch
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: the services, there's a lot deeper. It's quite as it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: quite a composite. It's quite a composite set of questions.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: You see, you're giving one compliment.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Now you want some medal. But how much of your
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: pitt sweet is on clothing out there? Think about it
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: when you've gone to try on clothing and then you
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: send it back.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I've seen some revolting things, especially in the underwear and
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: bathing costume section.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Really but they got that strip on the not all bred.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Some of those been through someone careful.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: But that stuff you're not allowed to try on? Are you?
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: You are? You're allowed to try it on?
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: You joke.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Isn't it all like one stars fits all sorts of stuff?
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Not at all? The different types?
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: There's different types. Yeah, there's there's Yeah, there's g string
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: and g R. We've been there before. Would you not
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: just wear like underwear and then but then you're not
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: going to see how it looks. Stop trying to. Now,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: you see this doesn't apply to us because we go
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: this medium, the standard or large pack of three. Boom,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: You're act, You're done. You know what I'm saying. Surely
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: you know your size though I.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Mean but also remember size doesn't also really mean anything,
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: depending on you know who made the thing. You might
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: be a medium in one thing, large and another smaller.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: But if the strip's missing, you lost.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: You go whether the strip is there or not, just.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Be sat there people we said.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: There alert alert. Yeah, I don't want to think about
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: this anymore.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Well, just know, like in the words of my grandmother,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. How about what's
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: wrong