Latest / The Salty Pastor / Masculinity & Relationships [Ep. 138]
Transcript
- [00:00:00] As a man, as a boy, as a male, you are biologically masculine. You have testosterone. We all at all different levels. Right? All different IQs, all different personalities. But the bottom line is that what makes you a man is testosterone. This happens before you were born. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Salty Pastor Podcast, a podcast dedicated to helping you learn to grow your faith and your critical thinking skills. Our goal for you is strength. We want you to know what you believe in, why you believe it so that you can grow strong. This is why we can't tell you what to believe. We can only inspire, facilitate, and coach you along the journey of discovering, your inner convictions. My name is Jesse Maher. I'll be your host and we can not do the Salty Pastor Podcast without the Salty Pastor himself, Dr. Douglas Peake. Thank you very much today. We're going to get doctory [00:01:00] on ya. Oh yeah. We're going to talk about, oh, okay. Nope. I'm not that kind of doctor. So it's just about men, what men are going through and some research and things. And so we're going to take. You know, the relationship series that we're in right now, and we're going to hopefully give men a lot of tools, a lot of things to think about in order to prove relationships. Well, I love that we are in our series on relationships. Last week, we studied how re, unresolved conflict is one of the biggest toxins that undermine, undermine all relationships, uh, friendships, dating relationships, marriages, business partnerships, parent, child relationships. All the relationships in your life can be undermined by this, um, toxic unresolved conflict. We found seven practical steps to resolving conflict in Paul's teachings to the Ephesians in chapter four. And then this week we've been revisiting those seven practical steps in resolving conflict found in Ephesians four and how these specifically apply to men in [00:02:00] particular. So what thoughts have you for us today, Dr. Douglas Peake? Today, it's all about fight club, fight club. Are we fighting? Man you're taking me on a tornado of a different feelings today. Yeah. All kinds of fight club. It's all about fight a man. A man becomes a man when he discovers the battle that he must fight. And so I've always called this Fight Club for all men. When you take responsibility for yourself, you start to realize, wow, I'm in a battle and I need to fight to win. And one of the biggest areas you need to fight for is, uh, the health of your own soul, you know, the redemption of your soul. And, uh, because if you're not at peace with yourself, you can't be at peace with anyone else. And men, your relationships are more important to you than you could ever imagine. God created you in his image. And part of that image is relational. And so whether you know it or not, even though you might be interested more in things and people, your relationships are critical to the health of your soul, the first [00:03:00] relationship that needs to heal your soul is the one with Jesus through redemption. What that does is that allows you to. Uh, restore the relationship with yourself. So you know who you really are as a man. And then of course, that transforms all your relationships around you. Uh, this is really, really important. Uh, all research shows out there all across the board that if you want to be successful in life, just in life, in general, whatever markers you use, you have to have good long lasting relationships, uh, get married and then stay married. Keep lifelong friends. You don't have to have thousands of friends or whatever, but you do need to have some friends and keep those friends. If you can't keep friends, if you have zero friends, And you can't give it, then there's something going on in your soul that you need to resolve. If you will, all research says this. If you want to live [00:04:00] longer, particularly if you're a 50 year old man or older, uh, invest in your marriage. If you're married, uh, invest in your friendships. One of the things is really fascinating is that there's a lot of guys who think, man, I've been in, like I've lived in this one place for 25 years. I built a business I'm ready to cash out and I'm going to go live in Belize. Sir. I want to go live here and then they get up and they go down there and then their health starts to fail. And what they found is that what happens in your retirement? The thing that actually helps you be the healthiest is that you stay in your existing friend networks. So you have all these friends, you spend more time with them. You start doing more. Now find a weekender in Belize or, you know, a two month or three month place to go. But maintain those friendships, your marriage. Men who have been married a long time and stay married after they retire live the longest. So what happens is you're in a fight for this, to [00:05:00] know this and to live this way, to reap the harvest of this in your own life, because the world in which you live is filled with distraction, it entices you, for selfish ambition. It uses its own your own passions, uh, against you. It has, busy-ness just constantly inundating you. And all of these things undermine the notion that wow, my friends are important and I need to keep them. So, so men really need to fight for their souls and what's best for their souls. Why do they have to fight for it? Like, why doesn't this just come naturally? Why, why is it all have to be a struggle? Why does it have to be so hard? Yeah. You know, some, some guys have said, why can't it be like my sex drive? You know, I went into puberty and it was there. It was there and it was going, I didn't ask for it. It just happened. Why can't this be that. Well, some might call it a conspiracy. Some might call it the spirit of this world, which is the devil. Uh, [00:06:00] I'm not sure it really matters where it comes from, but I think it's absolutely a walk in the park, Kazanski, to prove that the agenda among all the cultural leads in our society today is to eliminate men as men. Um, now as a man, as a boy, as a male, you are biologically masculine. You have testosterone, we all at all different levels, right? All different IQs, all different personalities. But the bottom line is that what makes you a man is testosterone. This happens before you are born. It happens in the very first stage of fetal development. And that is, is because when the egg is fertilized by the male, there is an X and a Y chromosome. And that Y chromosome tells the mom to flood that embryo with testosterone. In the first stage of gestation. [00:07:00] So, and then it happens again right before you're born and then it happens throughout your life and the big, the biggest time where it really affects you is in puberty. And that's really important to understand is that testosterone has some very specific impacts and influences. As a male first and foremost, it will make you physically stronger than women. Now, when you're in the fourth grade and you're eight or nine years old, you and the girls are the same height. You weigh the same. You can run almost the same speed on the playground and play tag and stuff like that. But when puberty hits and your body is flooded with testosterone, you start filling out, you put on muscle mass and you are pound for pound stronger than females. As it, I mean, this is a general thing. So the other thing it does is it causes you to be more of a risk taker. [00:08:00] So this is why girls, a lot of times, uh, are, you know, safe. But boys are doing crazy things. Let's jump off that cliff. Let's, you know, jump onto that train let's leap over this thing. How high can my bicycle flip? And you know what I'm saying? It's generally by 98% of the time, boys who were trying to figure out how to do all these crazy risk-taking things. Now, it also does something else to you as a male, it makes you more assertive. It makes you more aggressive. And I mean this as opposed to being passive. And passivity in males is often learn. Okay. And it's learned in your family of origin and it's learned predominantly today through the public education system. We'll talk about that more later. But because you have testosterone is a male, you're more prone to being protective. You'll you want to protect, uh, your things. You want to protect the people that you're close. Right, right. Uh, testosterone caused you to think more categorically instead of thinking [00:09:00] it all together. And once you tend to think more categorically, I can think and focus on this thing until I solve this problem, then I can move on to the next one. It allows you to have greater 3D rendering in your own mind. You can see things in 3D and look at them from different perspectives. And so in essence, it makes you more interested in things than in people. So it's kind of a common thing. Now in order for these are things that testosterone does to a male, right? Well, in order for the cultural elites position, that gender is a social contract, a construct, which we've talked about before, under the Frankfurt school of social theory. Part of critical race theory in a different form. It's a real big part of the transgenderism debate. Uh, it's really this notion that there is zero difference between men and women as a gender, and they can go back and forth, however, they want to [00:10:00] identify. To an order to do that in order to prove and live and breathe gender as a social construct. You have to remove all of these differences that testosterone creates within males. You have to remove the notion that sex is bifurcated. You know, it's binary, there's a male and a female. You have to remove that. So, because that is, uh, so coordinated in our culture today, it's so powerful and it's so destructive beyond belief. This is why as a man, you have to fight for it because if you don't fight for it, you are going to lose your soul in the process. You'll never know who you are and who God created you to be. Now I'm not saying, I'm not saying fight against these ideologies as a man, you need to fight for something, right. And what you need to fight for your [00:11:00] fight before yourself and your soul and the way your soul was intended to be. So our audience members, um, tend to like proof and evidence. Um, and it's one of the hallmarks of our Salty Pastor Experience. So give us some proof Pastor of these things that you're claiming, because that's where the proof's in the pudding is a phrase that I don't know where that came from, but it's a re it's a thing that has said. Well, I'll tell you this. Uh, this is where I go all doctory on everyone. Okay. So, uh, here's some, here's some research that's been done and some different things I'm going to cover as much as I can, based on the time we have. So, uh, who is noticing that this is going on and that this. A coordinated effort among the elitists on our society. Well, the concern women for America. They wrote based on a research that they wrote, despite the overwhelming evidence that boys ought to be allowed to be boys efforts, to make little boys [00:12:00] more feminine, have become part of the national culture and accepted policy. So there's policy to feminize. Boy, boys, formal efforts can be traced to the passage in 1994 of the Gender Equity in Education Act. This legislation poured many hundreds of millions of dollars into efforts to end so-called bias against girls. Sadly, the evidence of bias was based on a study. Uh, from the early eighties, it was soundly discredited only after it had been widely accepted, as fact, and after having been made the headlines and major media, creating a massive policy response that continues today. In spite of its blatant falsehoods, the findings of that long ago, flawed study are still part of all conventional wisdom. So what's happening is because Congress passed in [00:13:00] 1994, the Gender Equity Education Act under the Clinton administration. This legislation is basically set the thing. It was funded by hundreds of millions of dollars. And this. All the curriculums and the public education system have adopted everything from their discipline policies to how to structure a classroom. Well, the behavioral requirements for boys in classrooms, educational requirements for boys in classrooms, here, here's another. Uh, research study out there. And that is, is that in our classrooms today, girls are thriving and boys are falling further and further behind the biggest places where boys fall behind is in reading and writing. And so they're like, oh, okay, well that's just because girls are better at reading and writing. Well, it turns out that that's false. You see what has happened in our public education system is that they've adopted an ideology based on this [00:14:00] Gender Equity Education Act, that the only kind of reading and writing we like are personal reflection. So, uh, what they ask boys to do is say, well, how do you feel about this? And how does this impact you in, uh, what are your thoughts on this? So they're forcing boys to write like girls, yeah. And so what they found is that, okay, what do we take boys? And we say, okay, Tell me a story of how a pirate conquered the island. And th those boys will sit down and they will read books about pirates and bees and cars. And they'll write these incredibly long complicated stories about how they went in and zombies took over and pirates, pushed them back. I mean, and so they're like, wow, these boys are extremely expressive. So, so what has happened here, you see is there's underlying upstream value here. And that is well if boys and girls are exactly the same and we don't like the qualities of boys than let's just [00:15:00] force boys, since they're all the same to act, and think like girls. And I'm not saying this is to denigrate girls at all. I'm just saying to force boys to think that way act that way, behave that way. We're going to get the outcome we want. Well, it doesn't work that way because you're fighting not only biology, but you're fighting the very design of our creator. God. Now maybe you're an atheist who listened to this. You don't buy into the God stuff. Okay. All right. I'll grant. That premise right now, then how in the world under your secular ideology, can you fight against the evolutionary biology that you believe him that dictates boys behave and act this way? That's a rough one, Pastor. You can do it. So my point is it doesn't matter what your frame of reference is. Then the attempt to do this among our elites and remove maleness for males is absolute idiocy. And it is just, and this is why men have to fight. You not only need to fight for your own soul, but you need to fight for the brotherhood of men [00:16:00] and particularly boys who are being destroyed by this. And I'm not under, I'm not overstating how bad this is, uh, in 2018. Okay. Just three years ago, the American Psychological Association. Now you need to understand something about the APA, the. Uh, claims to represent all psychologists. The APA puts out all these research studies all the time, which is basically the Bible for every school counselor and every public education school system out there. This is what school counselors are taught. This is what they're trained in, and this is their Bible that they're supposed to use for all of their, techniques and all of their, uh, processes and therapy and everything else. In 2018, they released a report and they sent it to all the counselors and all of the psychologists out there that said, and I quote, "traditional masculinity is a sickness." That's [00:17:00] the name of the study. Traditional masculinity is a sickness. And so, uh, Erica commissar, who is a well-known, she's written a lot of books. She's a psychotherapist who lives in New York has a very extensive practice. Uh, she wrote in the wall street journal, the APA guidelines, demonized masculinity, rather than embracing its positive aspects. The report encourages clinicians. So it tells clinicians meaning school counselor, psychologist, child psychologists, all across the board to evaluate masculinity as an evil, to be tamed. So this is probably in my opinion, why boys are four times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and then put on mine altering drugs. So, I mean the effort to change, what it means to be a man is pretty overwhelming. It is days. I mean, these are just a few things that you've referenced, but I'm sure you could fill, you know, [00:18:00] hours worth of this podcast with more studies. What is the effect on males when masculinity and all of its expressions are considered toxic by the majority of the culture? Well, in 2018, after this came out, that article or that study and that, uh, guidance by the APA Susan wrote an article, uh, in, in her article, she did something interesting. She wrote an article about a, uh, a conversation between Camille Paglia, who is in her late seventies now. She is a feminist icon. Uh, she's a lesbian and a vowed lesbian. And she, uh, in the seventies and eighties, you know, it was really at the forefront of feminism. And she was having a conversation on a podcast with Jordan Peterson. She was interviewing him, and Susan Banker did is wrote an article about it. And her [00:19:00] article is titled, "It's Not The Men Who Are Toxic, It's The Women." Now I didn't write that, but that's what she says. She says, uh, in a interview, Jordan, Peter stated, uh, with Camille Paglia and she quotes him. He says, it seems to me that it isn't men who have to stand up and say enough of this, even though that is what they should do. It seems to me, it's saying women who have to stand up against their crazy sisters and say, look enough of that enough of man, hating enough, pathology enough, bringing disgrace on us as a gender. And then Jordan Peterson added this. I don't see any regulating force for that terrible femininity. And it seems to be invading the culture and undermining the masculine power of the culture in a way that I think is fatal. I really do believe that. So Susan Banker is pointing out that this is all coming from, uh, women who [00:20:00] have a very radical ideology, who are pushing it in our culture and in media and all this kind of stuff. Uh, I think that we see it in kids are raised on this today. They're raised on it. Um, there's now I'll even get personal here. And that is, uh, my wife likes to every once in a while, watch a few different shows, started watching the show, you know, with, uh, this gal named Queen Latifa, right. She's in Latifa. Uh, cultural reference you guys. So she's on the site called the Equalizer, you know, and she goes out there and she's an ex you know, this, I don't know, maybe a, like an assassin military or something like that. Yeah. Worked for CIA. And now she's out there helping good people. Oh, I love that. You know, and I love, but one of the funny things that I always just crack up about that is she gets in fights with these, these guys. Now, if you're a woman who's been highly trained, you know, and something like that, fighting a guy who is untrained doesn't know anything. You stand a really [00:21:00] good chance. Yes. But if you're fighting other guys who've been trained, the truth of the matter is I don't mean to insult anybody. You don't stand a chance. You really don't. As a matter of fact, that UFC has a huge problem right now, because there is a male and this male has identified as a female and he is now trying to fight female UFC fighters. And he fought one of the top. I believe it was five female UFC fighters. And she said it was a worst experience of her life. She says I had been hit so many times that when this guy who says he's a girl hit me, I've never been hit like that in my life. And so even if you're a male who takes estrogen to, you know, get rid of some of your testosterone, the bottom is you have more muscle mass. With the muscle mass that you have is more powerful. Your bone structure is stronger all because of the years of testosterone that started when you were an embryo at five days [00:22:00] old or however long in your mother's womb. And so there's, I always laugh at those shows because I'm like, yeah, well, the greatest equalizer for every female is what? Handgun. That's right. It's the Colt 45 or a 9 11. You know, if you have a gun, doesn't matter, you know, so I guess the point is, is that, I'm trying to make is that when we have these expressions in our society, that denigrate masculinity, it becomes toxic particularly to males. Now I'd like to say this, if you're a woman listening to this podcast, you need to know what my goal for you is. You know what my goal for you is, I want you to be the best female you can be. Uh, the, you, that is you. In what that you was meant to be. I want you to walk in the fullness of every good thing that God has for you in your life. I believe that there are obstacles and challenges you must face in order to live the [00:23:00] fullness of your life. You've got challenges and obstacles, just like guys do. But feminist theory and feminist ideology is built on a false premise. Therefore feminism and feminist ideology is a trap. It is not the path to fullness. It is feminist ideology that is seeking to eliminate maleness from our society. The most common phrase and feminist theory is the male patriarchy. Right? This is the premise that all the problems in the world that women face are because there is a overwhelming male patriarchy. Well, where did they get this thought from? They got it from the Frankfurt School of Social Theory. The connection is not just a correlation. It is causal. Meaning it comes directly for that. All relationships are power structures. This is Marxist Ideology. A hundred percent. [00:24:00] This is where intersectionality that's Marxist Ideology. 100% comes from about critical race theory. Its cousin is postmodern deconstructionism, so is happens over and over. And I think that any, any style of, of ideology that says you can only be the best you by putting somebody else down or tearing someone else down inherently on slots. And that's what we're seeing them. We're seeing the most over right now between whether it's, uh, uh, uh, racism issues or feminism issues or whatever. They're all operating under this assumption. In order for you to be strong, you must tear down and make this other group small, which may or may not have happened to your demographic in the past, but that's not the way to fix it by just inverting it. Right? Like it's not a, that's not a solution. That's just flipping roles, which you have said are bad. And so [00:25:00] it's like, why would you encourage, the opposite on the opposite thing, just because it's your time to be strong. So it's like, they need to go through, it's all about power, right? Yeah. It's all power. All relationships are power. And I don't think that, you know, there's any way to have a long lasting friendship or marriage or business partnership where the, your only basis for a relationship is power, who has the power. Right? Because that just isn't the way human beings are wired. What. Um, so, uh, um, Christina Hoff Summers has done extensive work on what you just said about it's called the war on boys culture in our public education system. And this, this feminist ideology is woven its way in through techniques and through structures. And, uh, no one will stand up and say, well, we want to teach feminist ideology in schools. They don't say. Right. What they do though, is they structure everything to reinforce these underlying values. You see, [00:26:00] their upstream is feminist ideology. They're downstream as public educational techniques that are based on research studies that are paid for in design with people with feminist Marxists Ideologies. And so it just feeds itself. And Christina Hoff Summer says, boys are incredibly wounded by this. As a matter of fact about, I think it was probably eight years ago, I was talking to a young couple and they had a teacher here in the Boise school district in the elementary school, who said, your boy is just too hard to handle for me. And I want him to go be checked out by a psychologist. Well, why is he saying bad things? No. Is he, does he not listen to you when you give him a command? No. Well, what's wrong. He won't sit still in class. And my, so he's disrupting my class. And he goes, well, why would he do that? Well, I think he has ADHD and he needs to be on Ritalin.[00:27:00] And they said, we're not putting our son. Who's a boy on Ritalin, you know? So he'll sit still in class. We're not going to do that. And she replied, the teacher said this well, if he's going to be in my class, he's going to be on Ritalin. So she was demanding that he be on a prescription drug, to give him an education. And that's control. Where this ideology leads to, is that these boys just because they can't sit still well, what she wants and she wants a class of perfect angels that sit there and don't move. That is dehumanizing. That is control. You want sheep? You don't want kids to grow up and learn how to think for themselves. You don't want them to be courageous. You don't want them to have strong character. You don't want them to be virtuous. You want to control them. And so now does that mean all teachers are bad? No, but I'll tell you what. A lot of teachers in elementary school, think that way because the nomenclature of the [00:28:00] elementary school is in order to have a really good class. What we have to do is we have to have absolute peace and control. I go, well, I'll tell you what, that is not good for boys. Especially when you eliminate PE, you eliminate playground time, you eliminate games, you eliminate sports, you eliminate all these things. They're seeing these drastic increases in, uh, You know, energy and these kids and they can't figure out why, but they're eliminating all the physical activity out of their lives. And so they're like, why won't you sit still, you know, you had your three and a half minutes of playtime. Why can't you just sit still for eight hours? Yeah. And so I think that that's really important to understand if you're a young man today right now, who is dealing with anxiety. Or you're dealing with depression, a lack of ambition. Maybe you are addicted to pornography. Maybe you have an inability to build a loving relationship with a girl. Maybe you're fearful of [00:29:00] commitment that you can't get a job and stick with it or go to school and finish the course. I don't know whatever it is that maybe you as a young man are dealing. I would like you to consider the fact that it's not all your fault. You get these tendencies, honestly. And you get them from a culture that has trying to remove the masculinity from your maleness and to convince you that anything masculine is toxic when it's not. But I am here as your Salty Pastor to tell you, this is your wake up call. I'm the voice crying in the wilderness for you. I will blast the trumpet as clearly as I can. And I say awake O sleeper arise from the dead. You were created by God to be a male. That means you're a man. Now get up, go, discover your masculine soul go be the man that God is calling you to be. You need to fight for it because your culture has zero [00:30:00] answers for you on what it means to be a man. Don't listen to them. Don't buy into the deception from them. Embrace truth. And that begins with knowing God and being at peace with him. So you can be at peace with yourself because only then, and then only will you, fight for your soul in a way that brings victory. So. As we wrap up, we've got just a minute or two left, but, uh, in our outline that we kind of put together of what we wanted to cover today. You had a couple key points. So, um, if let's say there's a guy that's struggling with these things and he's, you know, expected a challenge to go and, and be a man. You, you just told us go and be a man, become a man. What are some practical steps that he could take to get started? Or if he's already on the journey, how could he go further in this call to action? You've given us as men? Well, Paul tells us in Ephesians four, he says, look, you learn to live one way. Okay. And he said, this is the Gentile way. He says you were, you've been taught, you know, your whole cultures live this [00:31:00] way. And so what I'm gonna tell you is you need to learn a new way to live. He says so that you can be made new in the attitude of your mind. So if you want to win the battle, if you want to go out and be the man you're called to be, then you need to live for something bigger than yourself. I'm not saying go out and throw trash cans around and protest or burn things down. What I'm saying is you need to find the noblest of causes, find the greatest virtues, the most righteous mission. And that is, Jesus and his kingdom. You find that then what's going to happen is you're going to be able to stand up straight, put your chin up and your shoulders back and face this chaotic, deceptive, weird, broken world. In the very first thing you're going to, just start, this journey is Paul says, right after he says this new attitude of the mind, you must put away falsehoods. And so what we have to do is put away falsehoods John [00:32:00] Eldridge in his, uh, book, a, Wild At Heart, and then he beautiful outlaw and he has a bunch of others. He does a bootcamp that we use this curriculum every year at foothills for all the men. I would try to go up in the mountains and we go through this curriculum. And one of his most important work in that weekend is he talks about agreements. And an agreement is something that happened to you as a boy, right? Somebody says something and what they say, hat means, well, you'll never be a man. You don't measure up. You're not enough. We don't respect you. And for some reason we agree with that. And then we carry that agreement and that agreement is what stops us and that's a falsehood that we have to dispense with. So, this is one of the falsehoods that Paul talks about. If he's a chapter four, he says, lay aside all falsehoods. So this one of those falsehoods that you have to lay aside. So we're gonna do more work on this. We don't have time to really go into it that deep. I'm going to be preaching on it this Sunday. And I'm just basically gonna [00:33:00] break every rule of preaching guys. So I want you to be there because we're going to talk about how not to be that guy. Now to be that guy. And then next week, we're talking about how not to be that gal. So ladies, if you're like, man, he's really harping on the. But I'm learning some stuff about guys, we're flipping the script next week and we're going to be talking about gals. So thank you guys so much for joining us. We really appreciate your tuning in every week to learn more, to dive deeper into your faith and your way of thinking, and to really challenge yourself, to understand what you believe in what you know. So thank you guys so much for joining us. We'll see you here on Sunday and beautiful Boise, Idaho. Blessing.