Transcript

Mama's Back · Motherly-ish

0:12
SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, welcome back to the Motherly Ish podcast.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: I record once every six months, JK, LOL.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's good to be back.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: I haven't updated you guys since I had Oliver, and he is now six months old.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: So we have a lot to talk about.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, your girl's been busy, your girl's tired, but your girl loves this, and I'm making it a goal of mine to record more frequently, um, especially as we go into next year, um, and hopefully I free up a little bit of my time in other areas because I really do.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: I just love to talk.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: And I was actually thinking about this the other day.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm better if I'm like riffing with someone else.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of hard to just like talk into the abyss.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: So if there are any other mothers out there um or people interested in starting a podcast or being on a podcast, and you're funny and smart and kind, and you think you could hang with me like once a week and record, I'd be down to have a co-host.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: So shoot your shot, let me know.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, so funny because one or two people will listen to this episode, and you probably don't want to be on a podcast.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: But if you do, you never know.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Um I don't even know where to dive in.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: I just had the most diabolical lunch of my life.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: It was okay.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: My I've had like total like weird brain after having Oliver.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: So I know I'm six months in, but I'm still like really foggy up there.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: And like two weeks ago, I made a peanut butter and jelly, which I think is like so underrated, everyone should love PBJ's.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: And I put the peanut butter in the fridge, and I don't use like gif, no hate to the gif lovers out there, skippy, whatever your you know preferences there, but I like the like all natural stuff, so I don't know if you have an ex experience with that, but it's like really like gritty and kind of hard to work with, and the oil separates, and so basically it turned into like a brick in the fridge, but I'm like so scared about food safety, so now that it's been in the fridge, I'm scared to take it out of the fridge, and so I'm just letting it live its frigid life in there, and I take it out as I need it, and it's always a pain, and I always curse myself for it.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Well, today I was kind of in a hurry, as you know, I work full time and also I have like a million side hustles, but I needed to eat lunch, so I was like, I'm gonna have a PBJ.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: I go to get my PBJ made and I take out the peanut butter.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I fucked myself.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: This is gonna suck so bad, and I took it out and it was impossible to spread like impossible.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: So I just globbed little chunks of it onto the bread, and I was so frustrated and I didn't have enough time that I just said screw the jelly, and I just ate globs of peanut butter between two pieces of toast, and that is the way I'm living my life as of late.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: No, everything's fine actually.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: I gotta tell you, I was so scared to have Oliver because, as you know, Graham was difficult, and he is a big feelings kiddo, and we are so in love with him, but like things are challenging from time to time every single day, and so I was just nervous.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, what does it look like to have another little peanut in the mix?
4:09
SPEAKER_00: And like, how is it gonna work?
4:12
SPEAKER_00: But Oliver is the best baby I have ever met in my life.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't know where he came from, he's gorgeous.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes I look at him and like I think my husband Brett is uh stunning, but like I I am objectively not, and so I look at this stunning infant and I'm like who are you?
4:38
SPEAKER_00: What planet did you come from?
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for blessing us with your angelic presence.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Like he's so good, it's not even about his looks, like he's just the sweetest, happiest baby.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: He sleeps, he eats, like nothing knock on wood, has been like traumatizing.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: He's just like so sweet and good and just an all-around joy for everyone involved in this family.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: And he's just been he's been great.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: We've had no issues.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: We did in the very early days get a tongue tie and a lip tie released that I'm now not even like super convinced was needed.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm not breastfeeding Oliver, so it's like just a totally different experience.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, that was a hard decision to make, and I think like such a bittersweet one.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's nice because he's been able to bond, I think, more with Brett than Graham ever was able to, just because of our like breastfeeding journey and how complicated it was.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm obviously able to like not like do more on the side.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think breastfeeding moms obviously, if you saw like Alison Cooch just ran the New York City Marathon and like stopped to breastfeed our baby at mile 17, which is like incredible.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm not that great at anything, and that could never be me, but like she's awesome, and that's very cool.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: That wasn't my journey, would never be my journey.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, breastfeeding was really hard for me, so long story long, we decided not to do that with Oliver, and it's been like kind of nice, but I do miss like the ease and convenience of breastfeeding sometimes, like, and also like not gonna lie, the money formula prices are like astronomical.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't think they've changed, but like they're high, and so I don't know.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: I I who knows it just like it was the best decision for us, so I also feel like sometimes I'm like, does he love me as much as like Graham loved me at this stage?
6:55
SPEAKER_00: Does he know who I am?
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Because Graham and I were like attached at the hip, and Ollie's just like happy to go to everyone and like really close with Brett, which I think is so sweet, but like I'm like, Do you love me?
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Are we good?
7:08
SPEAKER_00: Do you know I'm your mommy?
7:09
SPEAKER_00: Like, throw me a bone kid.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: He's just so sweet.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, so like feeding's been like not a problem.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: I will tell you what's really hard about this second is I'm not able to get my weight back to what it was as quick.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm giving myself grace, and I say this to all my friends who have babies like give yourself so much patience and grace.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Like your body just literally performed a miracle.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm having a hard time losing the baby weight this time around, which is like a little stressful, starting to get a little stressful.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: It's only been six months.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: I usually am like six months, you're fine.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: But now I'm like, should hop back on that Peloton, you know?
7:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm like, it's on my horizon.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, the issue is Graham still doesn't sleep through the night, and Ollie's up about twice in the middle of the night right now.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Brett, MVP, he gets up with Ollie.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: I get up with Graham, so he is putting in the work too.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, like I could never do it alone.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: So just real lucky to have him helping out.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, I literally don't know what happened to my body after childbirth, but I do want to talk about this today because maybe someone can relate or you're going through it or you went through it, and you can like maybe give me some hope or something, but I've never had serious health issues before.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And then shortly after having Oliver, I started feeling just like off.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, not I mean, like I had the like initial like wave of like not postpartum depression, but like postpartum feels like everything made me cry, everything made me emotional, the transition was difficult.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Um I just like I couldn't stop crying basically.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: And like then every day I started to feel like really foggy and lightheaded, like all throughout the day, and I was like, This is just my hormones like regulating, but I was feeling really afraid of like something bad happening to me, like I was gonna faint or something when I was with the boys, and like I would be alone with them, and then it would be like a couple hours before like anyone noticed or anything, and like they were helpless, and that's like my biggest nightmare.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: I will say, I'm gonna sidebar here, it's gonna get like real sharp left, but like I ever since having both boys have these like waves of irrational and really scary, intrusive like thoughts that something bad is gonna happen to like me or Brett or the boys, like not anything in our control, like it's really crazy.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, don't worry, I'm in therapy, but like I think that's such a normal thing that happens, and like my my fear is just so heightened and my worry is just so heightened on everything, and like you're just so hyper aware of your health and like your partner's health and their health, and like everything just feels like such a mountain sometimes, and I just want everyone to be healthy and happy forever and ever, and I need every possible second that I can with these people, so I don't know when this health stuff started happening, I was really, really scared, and so I like went to my primary care a couple months ago, and they immediately like put me on Zoloft, and because as you know, I went off my Lexapro when I got pregnant with Ollie.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Well, the Zoloft actually made my anxiety 20 million times worse, and yes, I gave it time to like enter my system, it was not for me, so like my my um physician was like, stop immediately, we'll try something else.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: At that point, I was like, no, listen, like I'm not feeling well.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: This is like beyond a mental thing, like it's a physical thing.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm gonna faint every day.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm foggy, I'm sore, like my legs are killing me.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: I like I just don't feel good, and then I started to get these headaches.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: So at this point, we're talking like three months ago now.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: My legs, my legs were hurting every single day, specifically my calves, and then that spread into like my feet and my hands.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Like I was so sore, like I had like worked out every muscle in my body, or like I had the flu, but like there was no reason for it.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the flu, like I wasn't working out clearly, and so everything was just scaring me, and then I was obviously doing all of this like googling, and I'm like, oh, it's like a pulmonary embolism, or it's like this or it's that.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: And my doctor was like, he's not dismissive, but like he was kind of like, Listen, I don't see signs of a blood clot, like I don't think it's that, so I'm not gonna like pursue that.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: He's like, but I can tell you're like super anxious, and he kept kind of going back to like the anxiety medication conversation, and I was like, Listen, like I respect you, and I know that I probably do need like a little assist, but that is not what's happening here, and I need you to take me seriously, and I need you to do the blood work, and I need you to send me to whoever you need to send me to, but like we gotta test some things because I don't feel good, and it's definitely real, it's not anxiety.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: And he was like finally like, okay, I'm gonna do some blood work.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Did a ton of blood work, ended up sending me to a neurologist, a pulmonologist, and a cardiologist, which the cardiologist I was already kind of like established with because during my pregnancy with Ollie, I had like heart palpitations, which was like pretty scary.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: So the cardiologist did his whole workup.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: I did like an echocardiogram and I did a stress test.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: My heart was fine.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Nothing weird about my heart.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: Then they sent me to the pulmonologist because like one of the symptoms that I've been feeling is this like shortness of breath or air hunger.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: So like I'm obviously breathing, my oxygen is fine mostly.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it dips, but like I feel like I can't get a deep breath.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, most of my breaths are not satisfying, and it's really scary, it's a terrifying feeling because like then you start like working harder and then you're like straining your chest a little bit, so then you start to like feel like your chest hurts, and you're like, holy shit, I'm dying.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm not dying.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: The pulmonology tests came back all fine as well.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: So then at this point, we're waiting for my blood work and waiting for an MRI.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: I gotta tell you, I tried to go for the MRI, I completely bitched out, I couldn't do it.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: I they started to put me back in the machine, and I had a full-blown grade A panic attack, and I was like, I can't, I like I I can't.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: I feel like you're burying me in the ground.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I cannot do this, which was weird because I've never had claustrophobia before.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: But holy smokes, if you suffer from claustrophobia, whoo, I'm so sorry.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: It's the worst.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: So I couldn't do my MRI, and the doctor's basically like, listen, you need the MRI.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: So we have a couple options here.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: We can send you to the hospital and sedate you and do like this whole make it a whole thing.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: They're like, we really don't want to do that.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: He's like, I can give you a Valium and you can try again in the regular MRI, or you can wait 12 weeks and go somewhere where there's an open MRI system, but they're like booking 12 weeks out.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, and like to be quite frank, some of the symptoms you're telling me about are concerning, and I really need you to get the MRI done.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, you know what?
14:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna rally, I'm gonna be brave, I'm gonna be a brave girly.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: So I took my Valium, I went for my MRI.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: The Valium, I was untouched, which is concerning.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, I was expecting to be like knocked out.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know why it's so scary to me.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not gonna know which way is up.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: They like told me I needed a driver.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: It did absolutely zero for me.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: I felt no out of the ordinary.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: It's not a it's not a flex, it's concerning.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I will say maybe it did work because I got through the MRI.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, and from the blood work and the MRI, I have my answers.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So I have rheumatoid arthritis.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: Anyone else with that problem, hit your girl up.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: It's so painful.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: I know very little about it other than it's painful and it's getting in the way of my like day-to-day life.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: And so hoping that we can like figure out a management plan for that very soon.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: And then the other thing is that I started or the MRI came back and I'm assist on my like sinuses and chronic like signs of chronic sinusitis, which is like tracks.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if you can hear my voice or my nose, but like I'm very ill, I always am.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's been happening.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: And then so, like, all in all, now I'm waiting for an ENT appointment and a rheumatology appointment, which is great.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: It's a relief to have like some answers.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: What's really fucked up, in my opinion, is now they know there's a problem and not one specialist has called me to like get in for an appointment.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: And listen, I know, like, I get it, but I'm suffering in the meantime, and this sucks.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of people have to deal with these issues.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: I've had to deal with it with my kids.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's one thing if it's for me waiting for an appointment, it's another if it's like my child, which we'll get into some other time.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: But like the system is so screwed up and I'm miserable.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: So nice to have answers, really annoying that now I have to wait for like any relief.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: So blah blah blah.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: I've been unhealthy, but we're getting healthier.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm doing like a lot of home, like I'm really trying some like supplements, and I'm going to a chiropractor who I adore, and like life is good otherwise.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: Big life update.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Um, Graham Pietro Miller started pre-K.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: And this was something that was crippling me with anxiety.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: Like the thought of him not being with me 24-7, the thought of him being at school with other people all day, and like I like I couldn't even fathom it.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Well, anyway, he started in September, and for the first two weeks, he was like, whew, the drop-offs were rough, like scream crying, like like you see in the movies, or like what you could imagine, or what you hear, like the teacher had to like take him off my body, and like I was a puddle for two weeks, like embarrassing.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: I'd like to see my mom friends when I was walking home because we're like walking distance to his school.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: Ha ha makes it even funnier.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: We're walking distance to his school, so I'd be like walking home pasting all the other normal parents that like were not sobbing, and I would be sobbing my eyes out.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay, Ollie joined the chat.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so somewhere around the like end of the second week, he decided like something clicked in his little brain, and he was like, Okay, I'm good with school and I hate you.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: Goodbye.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I'd drop him off and be like, Don't kiss me, don't hug me.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, But I'm still um emotionally unstable from this new norm.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: So actually, I will be clinging on to you for dear life, and now the teacher has to take me away.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm like half joking, but no, it was real hard for me.
19:24
SPEAKER_00: And he started to like love it, and now I drop him off and he goes in and he's like, see ya after I get out of college today.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: So I love this program.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: It's been absolutely amazing.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: He's learning so much.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: I will say, like, it has amplified some of the sensory stuff that we had already been experiencing at home, and it hasn't been like smooth sailing.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: He comes home from school every single day extremely dysregulated.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm talking glazed over, fight or flight.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: Takes us a while to like get him out of it.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, we're doing all the things, but it's tough to see, it's tough to experience, and it like kind of feels defeating because you're like, I know he's having like his teachers say he's doing amazing.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: I know he's having like these great days at school.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: I know the socialization is good for him, I know the education is good for him.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: Like he he's getting something at school that like I don't have the capacity to give every day for him.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's like such a double-edged sword because I'm like, yeah, amazing.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: But when he gets home, I'm like, were you suffering all day?
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Because like you're really dysregulated, you're really unhappy, and like it feels like I just tortured, I put you through like a torture chamber for like six hours and now I'm paying for it.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: So it's just like it's tough after school, but I think that like we have all the right tools and all the right people in our corner um helping us through it and giving us like advice and and training us on like how to handle certain situations.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like hopeful that this is just like the beginning of his educational journey.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: And as time goes on, you know, it will get easier and he maybe won't be so dysregulated after school.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: I just I'm so proud of him.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm so proud of us.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: Like we've come so far, and this is just like such a humongous milestone that I was so scared of for so long, and now just feels like such a weight lifted off our shoulders, and he's at the best school.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: And yes, I did sign up to be the parents killed president because I am a type A eldest daughter, and I know no other world other than me being in control somewhat of something, but I actually I'm excited about it.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: I think it's fun.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of cool parents and great kids at this school.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: So I just like want to make it fun and I want to be realistic.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, listen, we're busy.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: Everyone's busy.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: I can barely breathe sometimes, but we all love our kids.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's the common thread, and it's the most important thread.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: So let's do some really cool shit for them, for us, and uh raise a little money for for a great school while we do it, you know?
22:27
SPEAKER_00: So that's my soapbox on PTO.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, we do have a pretty scary thing coming up.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: It's scary for me.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm doing my best to make it not scary for Graham, but in a couple weeks, Graham is supposed to be getting his tonsils and adenoids out and ear tubes put in.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: Um the ENT pediatrician and Graham's OT are all in agreement that there's like a significant amount of inflammation going on.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: Graham is three years old in a couple months, and he has never slept through the night.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, he's like a little bit of a snorer, he gets sick a lot, um, and he seems to like be off balance a lot.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: So like there's this like theory or belief that like the inflammation and the drainage and like lack of drainage in the ears and like the inflammation from the throat the tonsils is causing him to like maybe be dizzy or have like significant discomfort, and that's just like we're just like fighting an uphill battle already with the sensory stuff, and then that just like amplifies it.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: So we're really hopeful.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: We have a great doctor, we're so hopeful that this will just like provide some comfort and relief for Graham.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: But like as a mother, when you become a parent, you forget that like you have to make these decisions for your kids that feel really scary and feels like a lot of pressure and a lot of weight.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to do the best for Graham based on the information presented to me, and everything makes sense to me.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: There's always that seed of doubt of like, am I doing the right thing?
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Is this necessary?
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Do I have to put my three-year-old under anesthesia for this?
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Can we just like ride this out?
24:24
SPEAKER_00: And like, is there any other way?
24:26
SPEAKER_00: And and I think there are other ways, but I think where I'm at is I don't want to keep putting him through this discomfort and making him live this way if there's a solution that I've heard from multiple parents, teachers, um, physicians, like he'll feel better and he'll have a better like life if you do this.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: So it's just hard to have to make those calls as a parent.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: I think it's hard to make any big decisions in general as a person baseline for me to have to make them for someone else who I adore and is the actual air I breathe.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: It feels sometimes just so impossible.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: So thoughts and prayers, welcome for Grammy.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, again, he's getting the procedure done on November 18th, all three at once, and we will be living on prayers, ice cream, snuggles, and hopefully get through this um without any glitches.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: But I am truly terrified and trying to make it as less least the least scary experience possible for Graham.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, I want him to feel no fear, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he's comfortable and happy and understands what's happening without being afraid.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: So just wish us luck.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm so, so, so nervous for it all.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, hoping for the best, praying for the best, um, would appreciate like any and all positive stories, um, well wishes, like truly anything.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, let's talk about something else because this is making me rashy.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Speaking about making decisions for our kids, whoa, it was so nice to wake up this morning to a glimmer of hope after the midterm elections.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get deep into the politics of it all, but it just this feeling hasn't come over me in such a long time.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: I feel like people are waking up.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: I feel like we're finally working together, and I feel like there's finally a little bit of hope for our children's futures, our futures.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel really excited.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: And I started this podcast.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be like the wonkiest transition ever.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: I started this podcast on the premise of like you don't have to lose yourself in motherhood to be a good mom, and I fully believe that.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: But ever since I had Oliver, I want to lose myself in motherhood.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Like being a mom is the most important thing to me.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: I love it so much.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: After I had Graham, and like I want to be so clear, I love both of my children so much, no one more than the other.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Like, they are my life, they're the air I breathe.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: I would do anything for these two boys, but they're very different.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: After I had Graham, I was like, I will never, I quote you can someone could quoted me on this.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: I will never mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, religiously, like I will never be ready to have another baby.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: I'll never have another one.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: After Ollie, I want a million kids.
27:51
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want a commune, I want to be a trad wife.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: I want like I just want 10 more kids.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: That's not serious.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: I want like one more kid, but like if you ever told me I'd want a third kid, I would be like, you're actually insane.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, commit yourself into a psych ward.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: I just I definitely know in my heart I want a third kid.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: I know in my heart my husband does not under any circumstances want a third kid, so we'll be having a third kid.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: We probably won't have a third kid.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: I gotta be honest with you.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: I have this like back and forth of like our family is complete, and I really do want a third kid, but I just feel like it is a decision that needs to be made with your partner, and if both parties aren't all in, like I just don't think it's fair uh to the family.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: So we likely will not have a third kid, but my heart really aches for one um in a way I did not anticipate happening ever.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, I just like think the world needs more olivers and more Grammys, except for I just got an email from his teacher.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we have mostly good days, and this email was not specifically about Graham, but the language used was friends had some big emotions and were not making the best choices.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: And um that reads Graham Pietro had a rough day to me.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, because that's kind of how his when he's overtired, which is like all the time, that's how it manifests.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: So I'm scared for pickup, but it'll be fine.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: Um we'll get through it as we always do.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Um unrelated at all to this podcast.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: Kind of, it's about a podcast.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: I got Giggly Squad tickets, and I'm going with my one of my best friends from Florida, and I'm so stinking excited.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: Um it is difficult, as I was just talking about, for me to leave my kids now that I'm like in this new season of like really wanting to be with them 24-7 and just like loving every second of it.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: But I am excited for this evening in February that I get to go and just be a gal's gal with my bestie, um, and just like enjoy a night out in the city and go to the show and become best friends with Paige, like we're destined to be.
30:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm like the homeless mother, I have a home, but like I'm like some version of Paige Disorbo that wishes and could dress well, but she's just tired and engulfed in motherhood right now.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: One day I'll be back.
30:49
SPEAKER_00: I'll be back.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: I will um but today is not that day.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm in a hoodie, haven't showered in a day and a half, and that's next on my agenda when I wrap this up.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I will hopefully be back way sooner than um six months.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: I want to be better.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: I like doing this, I like chatting with you guys, um, and would love to do more of it.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: So hopefully I'll be back soon.
31:21
SPEAKER_00: I'll keep you posted.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: I hope you have the most amazing rest of your week.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Great weekend, and going into the holidays.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: Hope everyone stays healthy, happy, um, all the things.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: I will chat with you later.