Latest / thxh8dit / Flying Backend - h8dit 27

Transcript

Flying Backend - h8dit 27 · thxh8dit

0:00
Good, I liked. It did.
0:01
You like it? I liked it.
0:03
He's lying. Does Daddy approve?
0:06
Jesus. Sussy Baca.
0:10
Exactly. In line with that, stop it.
0:16
I will take it from you. I'm going to take it from you
0:20
and not tell you that I got in your house.
0:24
No, I hate that so much. It's a heart.
0:42
Is it? It is a heart.
0:43
Look at that, we got a rock salt lamp and neither one of us
0:48
realized it was a heart until just now.
0:51
Classic it's. Pretty cute.
0:53
I had no idea. Totes of dorbs.
0:59
Oh my God, I open it. Yeah, Speaking of rock salt, how
1:04
about that goddamn Blizzard again?
1:06
Another one. Another. 1.
1:10
We were driving into it, say that's what we were talking
1:14
about last week when we were headed up north and we got
1:16
stopped like 20 minutes out. And they're like listen, they
1:19
haven't plowed the roads for like 3 days.
1:21
And unless you have like a truck with four drive in the, you
1:25
know, snow tires, it ain't going to happen.
1:27
So we ended up going to the coast instead.
1:31
Well, there you go. I think we we talked a little
1:33
about it. We had the, we already had the
1:35
days off. We already had the the clothes
1:37
packed the days planned. But what I didn't anticipate was
1:43
we packed snow clothes. We did.
1:46
And we were at the beach and it, don't get me wrong, it was
1:48
fucking freezing at the beach. Like it was cold as shit but.
1:53
54°. Yeah, the whole the whole time
1:55
I'm melting in the hotel room. No, I think it was it was 20s or
2:00
30s. I thought, I thought.
2:02
No, 54° is freaking cold for you though, so yeah, you had.
2:07
To get an ice cube, no. Babies.
2:12
No. Baby we.
2:17
Welcome back, guys. Every time.
2:20
Every fucking time. I'm just.
2:22
Thinking on there was OK. I'm here with Ryan Amber and
2:30
this is Justin episode 27 of the Thanks Hated podcast.
2:35
I'm going to make it a bit now. Every time I start the episode
2:42
with the introduction, I'm going to cut you off in the middle of
2:45
a sentence. Every time.
2:47
God, I, I try to, I try to wait to get a space and then it's
2:51
just like, Nope, fuck. Well, there you go, We're back.
3:00
We're back, baby. We did make it back.
3:04
We didn't die on the road. I'm glad I found out that there
3:10
are good drivers in South Carolina, but you have to be in
3:13
the right spot. So I retract my previous
3:15
statement slightly. I think.
3:20
Statements. I think all of your bad drivers
3:23
came down and forcibly drove in front of me the entire two
3:29
weeks. The last two weeks have been
3:32
idiot drivers. Like people crossing 6 lanes of
3:36
traffic on the Interstate and just like there's my exit.
3:42
Like what are you doing? There's no planning.
3:47
There's people going 35 on the Interstate slamming on their
3:50
brakes for no reason. Like it's it's been on the road.
3:58
It's been so the my favorite like meme bit that gets around
4:03
now from Family Guy is they portray an Asian woman driver in
4:06
the fast lane and she goes I need to get over.
4:10
Oh, it's six lanes. Oh, I turn left now.
4:13
Good luck everyone. And then just turns the car
4:14
through 6. Exactly.
4:17
It's so good. I'm loving that you're doing
4:20
accents more. No accents.
4:22
I love it. Can't do that.
4:23
So I found out that if you get on the highway here, which I've
4:27
nicknamed 95 N, not N 95 like we have in Florida, it's Nortney.
4:33
Nortney. 5 N so you know what I just said?
4:40
So I I was actually taken like the highway for once on the east
4:45
side of the state going to Alabama and Georgia on a work
4:51
trip. And brother, the highway's so
4:53
much better. Oh my God, I'm I'm getting past,
4:56
I'm doing, you know, 5-6 over because it's in Georgia.
5:00
I'm not going to get hit with GSP.
5:02
They will fucking Merc you every time.
5:04
GSP is it an animal of a police force?
5:07
And they they've pulled me like 6 times going up and down the
5:11
East Coast. So you, you learn that when you
5:15
live in Florida and you go across the line every now and
5:17
again, you learn when you hit Georgia, you hit the speed
5:19
limit, you sit there because there, there's nothing you can
5:21
do. You're going to get popped every
5:23
time. So there's people going past me
5:26
1015 over and they're cutting up, which is when you go from
5:30
right lane all the way to the far left, back to the far right
5:33
and they're cutting up with each other like in a group.
5:36
And I'm like, yeah, finally, like I found my people.
5:40
Like let's go, dude. I had a motorcycle group come up
5:45
behind me. There's like 3 big boys on three
5:47
big boys and they came up behind us doing you know, 20 over and
5:52
they got behind me in the slow lane and the front right rider
5:58
put his hand in the air and signaled for me to get over into
6:01
the fast lane so they could keep going straight in the slow lane.
6:04
I I'm like you can go fuck yourself.
6:06
I just moved the car closer to the shoulder and let them cut in
6:10
between and when I did they cut through and then two cars behind
6:15
them. I guess we're either pissed off
6:17
or just cutting up with them because they went through the
6:20
gap like motorcycle gap 2 cars fit the gap and then they
6:24
started like jumping in front of the bikes, like breaking and the
6:27
bikes were going around like it was this whole thing and I'm
6:30
like fuck that y'all can do whatever you want I'm staying
6:33
back here. Enjoy yourselves like it was it
6:36
was awesome. I finally found where the people
6:39
actually like move their ass here.
6:41
I think I was yelling at the here in town.
6:47
Yeah, that's that's probably what it was.
6:51
And I'm not a Dick, I don't like roll down the window or
6:53
anything. But no, in the car I I'm like
6:54
move your fucking ass. Same same.
6:59
It's it's the people that like will drive past 3 speed limit
7:04
signs and they see oh it's 55 here.
7:07
I think 35 is a reasonable speed.
7:10
You know, it just. And then it's like too wide.
7:15
So like the road in Sanford that goes over the railroad tracks
7:19
and heads out, you know, 46 that heads out West.
7:23
Yeah, that as soon as you get over the railroad tracks, it
7:26
turns into a 55 two lane divided highway.
7:31
And people don't care. They're like, oh, it's still in
7:35
town driving. So I'm going to drive 30 miles
7:37
an hour and just post up two cars side by side crawling.
7:44
And it's so infuriating. It's like just drive like I
7:48
don't if you want to go a little under the speed limit, that's
7:51
fine. But if you're going that far
7:52
under the speed limit, especially on a highway or a
7:58
stretch of Rd. that's a higher speed limit, you're endangering
8:02
everybody around you. Like that's a, that's an issue
8:05
for safety at that point because people will be going 5/10/15
8:11
miles over the speed limit and you're here driving 5101520
8:17
miles under the speed limit. You know, that's a, that's a
8:20
short gap that gets made-up. You're going to kill somebody.
8:26
And that might be you, it might be the person flying up on your
8:30
back end. So I, I just people need to
8:33
realize that the speed limit should be either followed or
8:39
closely thereof, because if you're, if you're going way
8:43
under like 1520 miles under, you're endangering everyone
8:48
around you, including yourself. You don't like people flying to
8:52
your back end? If people want to drive like
8:56
insane, they can. I'm I'm ignoring that.
9:02
As you do. Sassy back.
9:08
That was his nickname in college.
9:10
Back end. Yeah, flying back end.
9:16
No. Flying back end is so good.
9:19
I'm going to. That's going to be the title.
9:24
I'm going to. Back end is good.
9:27
And now I'm done. For the rest of the podcast, I'm
9:29
going to mute. I'm going.
9:30
To mute the hell out. Of you guys, this podcast, it's
9:34
OK. My shoulder is in a lot of pain
9:37
so I'm probably not going to be too into this podcast, but I'm
9:41
still here guys. What you did, it wasn't me.
9:45
I have no fucking. I have no idea.
9:50
I was. It was weird.
9:51
We like we had a few days apart like after the the vacation and
9:54
when I came home she's like my shoulder's all thrown out, my
9:57
back hurts my my shoulder's got this weird bruise that looks
10:01
like a Hickey. I don't know what happened.
10:02
Oh my God, no that. All at all at once.
10:06
What's funny is there was an actual thing on my shoulder that
10:10
looks like a no. Yeah, no.
10:13
And that was when we were at the hotel.
10:16
I had AI forgot. I had a Band-Aid on it, one of
10:19
those fabric ones. But I'm an allergic to the
10:22
adhesive, so if it stays on for a while, my body starts pretty
10:27
much like eating it. And then we went into a hot tub.
10:30
When I took it off, it looked like I can never remember the
10:35
right word for it. MRSA.
10:37
No, not MRSA shingles. I always want to say scabies but
10:43
it's not it. Definitely not scabies.
10:45
No shingles. And I've had shingles as a kid
10:48
before and it looked like that. And he goes, it's very strange.
10:51
It looks like a Hickey. I'm like, no, we've been
10:55
together this whole entire time. But yeah, I have no idea what
10:58
happened to my shoulder. We came back home.
11:01
Maybe the bed, maybe the way I slept, I don't know.
11:04
But it was bad. And then the next morning it got
11:10
worse and I was trying to find a hookah place for him over in
11:14
Georgia so he could just come on home.
11:16
I got so mad at him on Saturday. Oh, she got mad at me for
11:20
working guys. So mad at him.
11:22
For doing my job. No, not for doing your job,
11:26
that's why I got mad at you. But I was trying to look for a
11:31
hookah place for him so he didn't have to deal with all
11:34
these asshole people like he always does.
11:37
And I went to scoot up in the bed and I swear to God, it felt
11:43
like my neck, spine and like shoulder all like completely
11:48
separated all at once. And I felt paralyzed for like 10
11:54
seconds and then it just was like dog shit.
11:57
It was better yesterday and then it's like bad again today.
12:02
But no, I got mad at him. So remember how you guys were
12:05
like texting each other and he was like, oh, I look so good and
12:09
now I can't work or something like that, right?
12:12
You remember that conversation? That's a wild out of context,
12:16
but yeah, it's good. It's good, It's good.
12:20
Now I got to pull up the fucking receipts.
12:22
While she pulls up the receipts, man.
12:26
May you what? So I worked an 18 hour day.
12:32
On Saturday. I woke up at, I don't even know,
12:37
435 o'clock. I was out the door by 5:30.
12:41
I didn't get home till either 11:30 or like midnight dude.
12:47
You said. Fucking murked me.
12:50
Also, two thoughts. One, it's a shame I have to rock
12:53
this fit and deprive everyone of my new Callaway polo.
12:57
Jesus. And two, I had two different
13:01
people in two days give me cards to be an insurance salesman
13:04
looking like this. And then Ryan says, well, now
13:09
I've got to see this Callaway polo and Jay goes orange Plaid
13:14
under sweater pops a lot IRL. You're fucking disgusting.
13:20
He put IRL in capital letters burnt orange Ray bans to match
13:27
and people think I can sell shit ha ha ha.
13:30
And then he put a picture of the way that he looks which is
13:33
adorable. And then Ryan says looks like
13:36
you sell ad space for podcasts. Mind you, nobody.
13:43
Said anything after that and I was so I was so upset because
13:49
that was such a good line. I fell back asleep because I
13:54
thought Jay was coming back home because he said he would be home
13:58
by 6:00. I'm in writhing pain in the bed,
14:03
can't move, have to pee, dogs haven't been fed.
14:07
I'm waiting for him to get some stuff.
14:11
I saw he went to Walmart and then I'm like, OK, he's he's
14:16
done in Walmart. He's going to be home in three
14:18
hours. Dog food.
14:20
I was getting dog food. What did I say?
14:21
I. Don't know, he said.
14:23
I went shopping. I was getting dog food.
14:25
That's all I was doing. So I'm like all right, fuck it,
14:28
I'll just try to sleep the pain away and it's 7:00 in in at
14:33
night or whatever. So 4 hours later I'm like where
14:38
the hell is Jay? And I look he was close ish to
14:43
Savannah and now he's in Augusta which is on the opposite side of
14:51
Georgia. 2 hours the opposite way.
14:56
Away from. The house away from the house.
15:00
So I call him and he's talking about how now he's at a fair and
15:05
how he had to walk his shit and I'm like, why aren't you home?
15:10
That was the first thing she said.
15:11
I'm like, hey, hey, I'm trying to tell you about my bad day.
15:15
Don't know. I'm like, why are you not home?
15:20
The dogs haven't had any food all day and now you're telling
15:24
me that you're not going to get home until midnight?
15:26
And he goes, Nope, guess not. And I'm like OK.
15:31
And we sat on the phone for like 5 minutes quietly and I'm like
15:35
well I'll let you get back to work.
15:38
And he goes OK, I love you. And I was like, love you too,
15:41
bye. And I hung up on him.
15:45
I'm so mad. We need to get you one of those
15:49
Bluetooth handheld phones. Medication.
15:52
I agree. What the?
15:55
The Bluetooth handheld phones like the old school like line
15:59
phones where you can just like hang up by slamming the thing
16:02
down. Yes, or just a flip phone.
16:05
Those are the best too. No.
16:10
I miss my Motorola so much. The.
16:13
Chirp, chirp. Hey, they've got.
16:15
Oh my God, you've. Got the razor out, It's a little
16:19
different. You razor the the chirp chirp
16:22
wasn't a a flip phone, It was a no.
16:25
I it looked like a Do you remember that phone?
16:27
Yeah, yeah, I remember it. He's older than.
16:29
Us No, no, no. It was like it was more of AI
16:33
don't even know how to explain that.
16:34
It was more like a. Walkie-talkie.
16:36
Yeah, like, Oh my God, I love that phone.
16:40
Ryan guess what chicken butt his birthday is on Thursday?
16:45
It's the birthday boy. Two days.
16:50
I'll be 33 three. Days.
16:54
Is it 3 days? It's Monday.
16:55
Thursday. I don't know.
16:58
I'll be 33 and in in. I don't even know how to say
17:02
that in memorial of my 33rd birthday.
17:05
I'm going to join the Freemasons at 33.
17:07
Hell yeah. No, Tony.
17:11
I'm going to be an electrician. All right.
17:15
So you're like, you're a plumber.
17:17
It's like, wait, no, no, no, no. Not like this.
17:21
So I saw something that kind of ties in to your philosophical
17:31
question. I have one.
17:34
Yeah, I I'm sure you do. But this one I saw and I, I
17:37
just, I laughed because it's so funny, it's so true, but it's,
17:42
it goes into the whole glass half empty, half full.
17:47
You know how you can tell if you're an optimist or a
17:50
pessimist if you say, you know, glass half empty, glass half
17:54
full. Well, it also said.
17:57
You're. At all if you realize that both
18:00
are true, because it depends on if you're filling up the cup or
18:05
emptying the cup and. Then.
18:09
The same cup setting there is full if it's lays.
18:17
What the What lays? The company lays the chip, It's
18:22
full. It's a full cup.
18:23
I got it very good. Stupid.
18:29
That's so dumb Oh my God. But you laughed, so it's.
18:33
Funny, So I'll, I'll run right into that and then right back to
18:39
my, my work day because it's, it's completely insane the
18:42
numbers I have from this work day.
18:44
So my philosophical question for the week, and you can do
18:48
whatever you like with this. If you're in a car going the
18:52
speed of light, do your headlights work?
18:55
No. I'm not getting into this
18:59
argument again. She said never again.
19:04
Never again. I don't know.
19:06
I'm not a physicist. Literally can't.
19:10
If you're if you're in a car going the speed of light, do
19:15
your headlights work? Why not?
19:18
Why wouldn't they? Yeah, I mean, they would turn
19:20
on, but you want to be able to see them.
19:23
Why not? Because.
19:25
The. Beam does not go outside of
19:27
because you're going too fast for the light to escape out of
19:31
the front of the the vehicle. Yeah.
19:34
So I just kind of said in there, you wouldn't be able to see it
19:37
in front, so it wouldn't come. Out is your car and every is
19:42
your car and everything on it meant for speed of light.
19:46
In this scenario. Then yeah, you can see it.
19:51
I don't know one way or the other, I'm just asking.
19:55
I'm not here to to give answers. I'm here to cause strife.
19:59
And chaos. That vein was there for four
20:02
days after we had done the podcast, so.
20:05
She woke up from sleeping, still talking about that ship.
20:11
She was like, and another thing, it's not even like and I'm like,
20:14
holy shit. So good, but now so you cannot
20:22
see it. So on this vacation we just
20:26
took, it was ice cold and dreary and windy.
20:34
And I'm talking gust wind, like howling through the corridors,
20:39
windy. We've stayed at a hotel before
20:43
in the area probably 2 miles down the road from where we're
20:46
going to stay. In October.
20:49
It was great, honestly one of the best hotels I've ever been
20:52
to, the best hotel I've been to in this freaking state and no
20:57
complaints. I'd go there 100 times again and
21:00
then there's one down the road, same price, even better reviews
21:04
and even better rating. And I'm like, cool, let's try
21:07
that one. Maybe.
21:08
Maybe Myrtle Beach is underrated.
21:12
Maybe I just don't understand their game.
21:15
So I tried this hotel, absolute dog shit.
21:20
How they got higher reviews than the one before I do not
21:23
understand. I think like during this day I
21:27
realized it's more of a long term condo thing than it is a
21:32
hotel. So these people like these are
21:35
their actual like homes, timeshare homes.
21:39
So they're not worried about the things that I'm looking at and
21:41
I'm looking at I'm, I'm also comparing it to the other hotel,
21:45
which is fine. It's the same price with less
21:48
like not worse reviews, but less of a rating.
21:52
So I'm comparing it to a hotel in the same neighborhood with
21:56
the same amenities, the same price, little bit less rating.
22:00
And it they didn't, they didn't stack up at all.
22:04
The one we went to, and I'm not going to say it because I don't
22:07
want people to know about it. I don't want people to go there
22:09
and fuck it up that place. I'm definitely gatekeeping that
22:13
hotel. Go fuck yourself.
22:14
Go fuck yourself. That hotel gave out free coupons
22:21
to other things, gave you free mini golf, gave you discounted
22:28
price for like top tier spa treatments and I think coupons
22:36
for like other stuff inside of that hotel as well.
22:39
And that's fairly common, but it was like they meant it like it's
22:42
not just like this. It's not this like pamphlet that
22:45
they give out to everybody. It's like, no, no, no, we do
22:47
this as a service for this hotel Like we are that we are that
22:51
bitch. Like I, I loved that hotel.
22:54
They had the. Only free thing that we got with
22:58
the one that we just went to was they had pretty much like a free
23:03
red box inside. Oh yeah.
23:07
The concierge or the not even concierge like the reception
23:12
area because it wasn't nice. It was not nice.
23:14
It was not nice. Yeah, it was, it literally was
23:17
like an old red box that they put like a sleeve over.
23:21
So you couldn't tell it was red box, but you could still see the
23:23
lettering underneath the sleeve. Yeah.
23:25
And it was like, yeah, this this key card will get you like free
23:27
DVDs. You just got to bring 1 back and
23:29
get the other one. And I'm like.
23:31
You can't even take out multiple like you have to 2012.
23:34
Right. What is this shit like your CD?
23:37
It was, it was the wildest like hotel I've been to in a while.
23:42
And one of the things that I can remember specifically was like
23:45
how of how much of a let down it was.
23:47
But like then there was actually like actual problems.
23:50
We get into the room and I'm like, huh, what's this door?
23:53
And I open it, It's an adjoining room and I'm like, oh good,
23:56
there's a fucking door here to the room next door.
23:59
Don't like that? They were loud too.
24:02
Oh my God, they were so loud. So we start looking around the
24:05
room and we're we're there for like 2 days, three days, two
24:08
nights and we're hanging out and I noticed there's a crack on the
24:11
floor. The crack on the floor is a good
24:14
quarter inch like drop. Everything from the hotel door
24:21
to the balcony has a slant to it 1/4 inch down and I'm talking
24:26
it's 1/4 inch at the crack. So by the time you get to the
24:29
balcony it's a 2 inch drop. The crack goes from the wall at
24:34
the start of the hotel, like in the room, through the bathroom
24:38
door into the bathroom, into the next suite.
24:41
So the entire side of this building is cracked and falling
24:44
down. Well, you didn't tell me all
24:46
that. Yeah, I wasn't going to tell you
24:47
then. I wasn't going to tell you then.
24:49
But I literally mentioned out loud I was like, it's literally
24:51
a Daytona Beach Shores. Like it's the hotel that fell
24:53
down. Yeah, that's exactly what's
24:54
happening here. The fucking foundation of this
24:56
building fell over or just sunk in, and now there's a massive.
25:00
It's a perfect crack, dude. It went along the entire room
25:03
perfectly in a line, and you could see the way the room was
25:06
falling. I'm like fuck this dude.
25:09
Also just a nitpicky it's like it's white people problems,
25:13
whatever. But they had like a tiny stove.
25:17
That's not the problem. They had this tiny stove and
25:19
oven, but you can't use anything to cook stuff in the oven with
25:25
like a pan. You didn't have any kind of
25:29
thing to cook in your chicken with, so you had to go to the
25:31
store again. And bring your own and.
25:34
Bring your own tin. Cooking where?
25:37
And that's fine. They had like cups and pipes and
25:39
bowls and shit, but if you wanted to actually like do
25:42
anything, you got to bring all your shit.
25:44
And I'm like, all right, that's whatever.
25:45
Like they gave you a kitchenette, you bring the
25:47
dishware, no dishwasher, which was weird.
25:51
I I was weird. They had dishwashing liquid on
25:54
the counter with no dishwasher. I'm like, what the fuck?
25:57
Are they washing the dishes by hand with dishwashing liquid?
26:01
I was like, it was weird. We didn't use any of like the
26:04
cups or the plates or anything like that.
26:07
We got our own biodegradable stuff because we're planet safe
26:13
friendly. She is.
26:16
I was fucking around. I love my truck.
26:19
Meanwhile, I'm burning plastic in my backyard right now.
26:23
There you go. It's our shit.
26:26
Yeah, yeah, you're fucking tools.
26:29
All of my gardening supplies are just on a pile.
26:33
Nobody watch it up, it's been on the the roadside for like 4
26:37
weeks. I'm getting rid of this myself.
26:41
That's fun burning it. I will be down there this
26:46
weekend 678. I will not.
26:50
You're not. Am I coming with you?
26:52
I. Don't know.
26:53
I just, I didn't know if you wanted.
26:54
We'll talk about it anyway. I will be down there.
26:58
Parts are ordered for the truck. They're going straight to the
27:00
place where the truck's at. I'm going to go and work on the
27:02
truck all weekend and then bring the truck back up here.
27:04
So I will have my baby, my absolute problem child redhead.
27:11
Redheaded stepchild. Awesome.
27:14
Yeah, so. If I can, yeah.
27:17
With that said, I'm going to get oh.
27:19
My God, they're still going. Yeah, I'll get the rest of our
27:24
stuff while we're down there. Obviously, like the rest that's
27:26
in the house and in the shed for two days, three days now.
27:32
Yeah, they've been doing runs. Like since we've been back home.
27:36
So since they took out. Thursday.
27:39
Kajili, whatever his name is. Yeah, they have been non-stop
27:44
running at the range. Dude, I'm talking all day, all
27:47
day night. Every day.
27:48
Like 24 hours a day. There's been non-stop
27:51
helicopters. There's.
27:52
Been. Non-stop M 60s and LLM's and
27:57
they're just going nuts. They're bombing as they're doing
28:00
like like gun drills. It's awesome all day, every day,
28:05
day and night. And it's just just far enough
28:08
you can clear as day. But it it like through the walls
28:12
you hear? Yeah, like it's awesome.
28:15
And for the listeners, just so that they can kind of get an
28:18
idea, it is 7:45 on a Monday night and they're still just.
28:25
It's been going for like 3 days, like 2:00 in the morning, 2:00
28:29
in the afternoon. They don't care.
28:31
They're one of the. Neighbors.
28:32
Like when I first heard it, I thought it was the neighbors.
28:35
I was like. I wouldn't be surprised if the
28:39
the base population influxed right before the the raid.
28:44
Like they just brought in a bunch of people the the raid
28:48
they did over in Iran, the bombing run, the.
28:50
Raid you mean the targeted absolute building takedown?
28:56
I I love I love that our international policy is like,
28:59
hey, can we go get them like Maduro?
29:00
They're like, no, And they're like, OK, then take the whole
29:02
building down. That's just they're like, cool.
29:05
Well, I, I call it I, I'm referring to raid as in just the
29:11
sheer numbers going there because they've, they've been
29:15
taking out missile silos and munitions and everything to just
29:23
cripple the, the military force of Iran.
29:28
So it's just I I wouldn't be surprised if that base
29:33
population exploded right before.
29:38
Yeah, they've been going ham. It's awesome.
29:40
I love hearing it all day, all night.
29:42
It's great. I say again, it's just far
29:44
enough to weigh where it's not annoying, but it's just close
29:46
enough to where you're like, that's awesome.
29:48
Yeah, this is. The wrong one.
29:49
You can definitely tell it's a bomb or it's like an M60 from
29:52
the gun because you can hear the helicopter go out and then you
29:55
know, 2 minutes, 3 minutes later, go, go, go, go, go, go,
29:58
go, go, go, go. Like it's such a big doom, doom
30:01
doom do it's awesome. Anyway, so yesterday, when did I
30:07
go? Saturday, So 2 days ago, regular
30:10
day Friday, go out. Saturday I leave at 5:30 I go 3
30:15
1/2 hours South almost to Alabama like I'm on the line of
30:18
Alabama and Georgia but I'm E sorry W the other way West
30:24
Georgia, North Alabama and I do the show Dog shit.
30:28
Show didn't get anything horrible.
30:30
Show shouldn't have even went. Ryan, I have a video to show you
30:33
because it's the cutest, funniest one ever, which you
30:36
can. Which one's that?
30:40
Oh, where I was talking to the sheep.
30:42
Yeah. So my boss, he was like, hey
30:44
man, I know you're not getting anything.
30:46
Go ahead and ask the sheep if they need anything like he.
30:49
Asked. You.
30:50
Yes, he asked you to do. That I thought you just did it
30:53
because you're funnier than anyone else.
30:55
We lead generate, we, we get leads for people who are
31:00
interested in a product. So if they come up and say, hey,
31:03
I saw you guys on TV, I'm looking to get some more
31:05
information. How can you help me with this?
31:07
And that's why it's my job. I can help you with this.
31:09
Let me get some information. Let me get your information.
31:12
Nobody, there isn't a sole at this place besides the people
31:15
who are running the booths at this place.
31:17
Nobody's there. So it's like hour, hour, hour.
31:20
Nobody's there. The vendors are just talking to
31:23
each other. We're just hanging out now.
31:24
And my boss is like, hey, I know nobody's there.
31:29
Go ahead and ask the sheep if they need anything.
31:31
So I go over to the corral because we are inside a rodeo
31:34
pen on the dirt. That's where we're doing our,
31:37
our it's dude, it's bad. It was an AG Expo where they
31:41
were showing off like all the John Deere tractors and trailers
31:43
and all the equipment and all. It was neat, but nobody showed
31:46
up. It just, it wasn't a show.
31:48
So I go over, I start recording and I've got the phone pointed
31:53
out my arm so you can't see who I'm talking to.
31:55
And I said, hey, I was just wondering if you had any issues
31:59
with your gutters at home. And I pulled my phone up and it
32:03
was sheep and I go, oh, you've got these already.
32:06
Oh, oh, good, understood. Thank you so much.
32:08
And I put the phone back down and just it was perfect.
32:11
The the sheep was looking down. It looked up at me and just
32:15
stared at me as I did the bit. And then the phone just goes
32:18
down. It's so good, man.
32:20
Hold on, I'm going to see if it goes.
32:22
That's so funny. Sorry, my boss was wondering if
32:27
you need any gutters. Oh, you've already got them.
32:34
Understood. And then the phone just goes
32:38
back down. It's so funny.
32:40
God it's so good. I sent it to my boss so.
32:45
That. Show was a bust.
32:47
I wrap up, we get gone. I like I said, I stopped to get
32:51
parts for stuff in the booth and then I got dog food and
32:54
whatever. And then he was like, hey man, I
32:57
know you're going home. What if you didn't?
33:00
What if you went from where you're at and you drove 2 hours
33:05
NE and kept going east even though you're 3 hours from home
33:09
the other way? Go another two hours this way.
33:11
Go to this show because the person who was hired to do that
33:14
show never showed up. Oh my.
33:17
Gosh. They just didn't show up.
33:19
For three weeks in a row. Three weekends in a row she
33:22
goes. The first weekend it's my
33:24
boyfriend's birthday and I'm taking him to get his hair cut.
33:27
Can't work all weekend. What?
33:31
Second weekend? Yeah.
33:34
I'm not feeling good. I'm not sure what it is.
33:36
I've been up all night. Can't make it in all weekend.
33:40
OK, he's already pissed. It's two weekends in a row.
33:42
He's already on her ass. He's like, that's it.
33:44
Like not going to happen again. Third weekend, he's got her
33:47
scheduled for an 8 hour show. Dude show up at 11, you leave at
33:50
like 8 or 9 after breakdown and she calls him the day before the
33:57
show and goes, hey, I hit a deer.
34:00
I'm not going to be able to make it all weekend, just can't do
34:03
it. So he goes, hey, I know you were
34:07
headed home. It's 2:00.
34:09
Would you mind running to her show, setting up, doing the rest
34:13
of the show and seeing what we can get?
34:14
I was like, I can do that. So run up there.
34:19
I get there at 5:00, I start setting up.
34:22
I don't get done until like 6. When I finish the people next to
34:26
me start breaking down and leaving.
34:30
I'm like fuck me dude. After I had just yelled at him.
34:34
After she had yelled at me so because it was already 6 hours
34:37
into this show, the parking lot's completely full.
34:39
It's a fair I've got to park in the parking lot across the
34:42
street where the hospital is and walk my gear across like, you
34:46
know, a mile down this path and I don't have anything to move it
34:52
over there with he. Didn't bring us buggy.
34:54
So I do 2 pieces at a time. So I had three trips back and
34:59
forth. I get done at like 6, yeah.
35:01
After I yelled at him. After she yelled at me.
35:04
So I get done at like 6, they breakdown and then like 630 I
35:08
look to my left and like three people are already gone and I'm
35:11
like Oh no, like it ends at 8, it's 630, they're already gone.
35:15
I've only been here for like 30 minutes actually actively doing
35:19
something. It was like an hour to set up
35:21
because it took so long. Long story short, 7:00, I'm
35:25
alone in a field in the dark by myself, and I just send a video
35:31
to my boss and I go, hey, man, what you want to do here?
35:34
Because everybody's like, over there, it's done, It's over.
35:39
Like we're finished. And he goes, did you get
35:43
anything? And I let him know what was
35:44
going on. He goes, yeah, I don't know,
35:46
man. I'll be honest.
35:47
This day kind of crush my soul and I'm like, I get it.
35:51
Your soul. What would you like?
35:53
Yeah, what our souls. What would you like to do, man?
35:56
And he goes, run it until 8 breakdown.
35:59
And I'll give you just, I'll just give you the hours because
36:01
clearly you worked it. So in in a week, I drove 1500
36:08
miles in one day. I drove 371 miles.
36:12
I worked 18 hours in a row and then went back to work the next
36:16
day. Jeez.
36:19
Yeah. Crushed it.
36:24
And then the weekend before he drove, I think it was 800 miles
36:28
is what you said. Yeah, yeah.
36:31
That's crazy. But they won't give him a a
36:35
raise. They won't give me a raise of.
36:37
Course not, they said if you want to raise get management
36:40
position. Get fucked, yeah?
36:43
And it's fine, they'll give me a management if I ask for it.
36:45
I don't want it. No.
36:49
But yeah, that was my, that was my week and my weekend and all
36:52
that good jazz. How enjoyable I.
36:57
Say what? What's?
36:58
Go ahead. Not nothing much on my end, just
37:02
Uber and that's about it. Worked.
37:08
Spent a long time editing and I got a text today from real
37:16
estate agent I've worked for in the past and he asked if I was
37:19
still doing stuff in the area and I said yeah.
37:22
He goes OK, you'll be getting a phone call soon.
37:25
I was like, well, I'd rather you just talk to me now, but fine,
37:30
you know? Fine.
37:32
I don't. I don't, I don't have anything
37:36
else, but yeah. So really nothing too exciting,
37:40
just kind of, I did have a guest that was absolutely hilarious.
37:47
It was Saturday, Saturday night. I picked them up from Tuffy's
37:52
and is just this couple and she mentioned she's like, you're the
37:58
first Uber driver I've ever seen that has a full 5 star rating.
38:03
Most of them have like slightly less, slightly less.
38:06
Yeah, I have over 5 or I have over 405 star ratings.
38:11
So rock on. I'm killing.
38:13
You damn. But I was like.
38:18
It's just a is doing those. That's all it is.
38:24
I told them I was like. Yeah, apparently.
38:26
It's not that big of it's it's not.
38:28
It says Ryan Ryan was best great driver.
38:33
Love him, love him, love him. Love, love, love.
38:37
It's that BLOB. It's it's the.
38:41
The BLOB of what, 14 year old pillowcases?
38:47
Laundry. Hated that.
38:49
You're like fuck you my grandma. God.
38:52
Never say for never say 14 year old again.
38:58
Oh God, 14 year old pillowcase. So yeah, they, they were like,
39:05
I've never seen that before. And the dude was like, you know,
39:09
I kind of want to just give him three stars to keep him humble.
39:12
And I. Lost.
39:13
That, that was so fucking funny. I was like, yeah, you know, my
39:18
head's kind of gotten too big for this car because of it.
39:21
He goes, yeah, I can see that. We just need to cut you down a
39:25
little bit to keep you honest. But he was cool.
39:30
It was awesome. It was a fun one.
39:31
They they ended up tipping $20 which I guess is the most you
39:34
can tip on Uber. Dope.
39:38
Nice. Yeah, They they threw a 20 spot
39:39
my way, gave me a five star rating and everything.
39:42
So I was like, that's. Awesome, you tell you tell
39:45
people like, hey, you can give me a lower rating, but you have
39:49
to follow our podcast. Give me a lower rating, but you
39:53
have to e-mail me the lower rating at
39:55
ryanisagiantbitch@gmail.com. That too.
39:58
That'd be so funny. Done.
40:03
Yeah, no, I've been telling people about the podcast.
40:05
I've had a couple people follow on YouTube and Spotify.
40:11
Nothing really this weekend because everybody was like, but
40:19
we're up to 15 followers on YouTube now, I think 25 on
40:23
Spotify if I remember correctly. But.
40:26
Yeah, did you read the the comment that I put underneath it
40:34
when I posted it? Oh yes, yes, I did.
40:38
Yes, I did. OK, It was good.
40:40
I liked. It did.
40:41
Did you like it? He's lying.
40:44
Does Daddy approve? Jesus.
40:48
Sussy Baca. Exactly.
40:53
In line with that, stop it. I will take it from you.
41:00
I'm going to take it from you and not tell you that I got in
41:01
your house. No, I hate that so much.
41:11
You guys can't see it, but he absolutely does hate it.
41:17
So sticking with that positivity you bitch.
41:23
I have been not a drop of anything sober for 64 days.
41:32
Damn. Really?
41:33
Yeah. Four days.
41:35
Congrats. I can tell you right now this
41:37
will be the 1st birthday. Oh yeah.
41:40
I do not know. The last birthday I had where I
41:43
hadn't had a drink. I do not know.
41:45
I literally don't know. I don't know if it was 15, if it
41:47
was 13. There was a time where we'd
41:50
stopped drinking for like a year or two.
41:53
I definitely had a beer. No, on my birthday.
41:56
No, I had a rye whiskey. Definitely did.
42:00
I did. I know, but I'm like we, I don't
42:03
know. I know there was a time there
42:05
where I quit for like 2 years, but there were still, we were
42:08
still drinking beer. We're still doing like the
42:10
occasional whiskey at like a graduation or something, but it.
42:15
I don't think so. I thought we were sober but.
42:17
No, I had whiskey at her graduation.
42:22
Who? Your sister?
42:24
Oh. Yeah, anyway.
42:25
Like what? Yeah, Who graduated?
42:28
Absolute unit over here. I was at a show and it's a fair
42:33
and there's a beer tent and I've had a shit day and it's I'm on
42:37
hour 15 and I'm like, I could walk over there and just get a
42:40
beer right now. Mother.
42:41
Fucker left at like 5:30 in the morning and then didn't get home
42:45
until 10:30 at night. Like it's a dog shit day before
42:48
I ever made it to this fucking show.
42:50
And then the show that I make it to is dog shit too.
42:53
And I'm like, I could just have a beer, just a beer.
42:57
That's all I need is just just a beer.
42:59
And I'm looking at the I was a tent for like 3 hours.
43:01
I'm like, I could do it. I could just have one beer.
43:02
Nobody would know, nobody would. Know.
43:04
And I'm, I'm so proud of myself. I think I was, it was out of
43:07
spite for myself. Like I was like, I, I'm better
43:10
than you, you, you, you weakling.
43:13
Like I will not go drink that beer.
43:15
And I did not do it 64 days. Proud of you.
43:20
We should celebrate with the beer.
43:22
Yes we should. Please God, I've got an NA in
43:25
front of me and it's not doing shit.
43:27
Well guess what, when you when you swing by, there will be a
43:32
nice cold package of Nas in my fridge and we can cheers to
43:40
that. We FaceTime you from the bar in
43:43
Sanford. Where are you at, I?
43:48
Don't know what happened babe, He drugged me.
43:54
Hey, you're a grown ass man. You make your own adult
43:57
decisions. I drank.
43:58
I drank so many Nas. I got drunk, yeah.
44:03
It's like that Wolf of Wall Street bit you.
44:05
Drink enough and you get fucked up.
44:08
If you want we can go in the house and blow some fucking baby
44:11
powder. Oh, kill me.
44:17
So I have something for you before you do something.
44:22
OK, do not sing. Happy birthday, I'll walk off
44:27
this podcast. I'm not.
44:30
I found best porn comments. Oh yeah, I did.
44:33
OK, let's hang on. Hang on.
44:39
That's fine. Go ahead.
44:40
I'm glad you can tell me what's good and what's not, I guess.
44:45
I was not doing that, I was looking at my notes.
44:51
This is Amber's best porn comment of the week.
44:53
She doesn't. She doesn't watch porn so I
44:55
don't know where she even found this.
44:56
I have 4:00. In air quotes, wait doesn't
45:02
watch so. No, I do occasionally, but it's
45:06
like once every six months. So I tried to search it right
45:11
and on this page it's Barstool Sports.
45:17
Nice. So the first thing it says under
45:21
porn comments, it says get your Dicks out for Harambe with this
45:26
edition of top P hub dot dot dot right.
45:30
You see that top one? What?
45:32
Right on top. That is the articles title from
45:37
Barstool. Get your Dicks out for Harambe.
45:40
Yeah, I'm not surprised at all. When I clicked it.
45:45
When she clicked it, it says four O 4.
45:48
This page doesn't exist because Harambe and.
45:51
Then it that's. So good.
45:53
Awesome, so I can post those in the chat.
45:58
But anyways I did find 4 of them.
46:00
I thought those are really funny though.
46:03
So this one is from Jizargo and it says she didn't even tell the
46:09
bus driver. Thank you.
46:12
Oh my God, that's. Good.
46:16
The next one is from Cool Lego Head and it says yo is that a
46:23
model 75105 Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon in the
46:29
backroom? That set was so lit my N word
46:33
and then that's the pic. That's what it says.
46:41
Are you going to read the one under it?
46:44
The one under it's. Better.
46:45
Oh, no. Oh, I didn't.
46:47
I don't think that's the one. I'm just saying that one's
46:49
better. I didn't put it on there, but
46:52
it's I do remember reading it. It was like, why are all your
46:55
cabinet doors fucking open? And then the the it's a person
47:01
underneath it. Her name, her name was like
47:03
Heather Gaines or something like that.
47:05
And she goes, I was fucking cooking.
47:12
Are you OK? So good.
47:13
That's fantastic. The next one is from Thurston.
47:18
Under score Morrison with a verified check and it says fun
47:24
fact, semen comes out at about 30 mph when you ejaculate.
47:29
That's why the police get so mad when you jerk off in a school
47:32
zone. What the fuck, Jesus, Oh my God
47:39
and. Then the last one is from James
47:47
the Pervert which is another verified check mark and it says
47:51
when a girl buys a vibrator it seems as bit of naughty fun.
47:56
But when a guy orders a 24 Volt sorry 240 Volt fuck Master Pro
48:02
5000 blow up latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina
48:07
elasticized anus with non drip semen collection tray together
48:11
with optional built in realistic orgasm screen surround sound
48:16
system, he's called a pervert. No.
48:24
And and that was it for me that. Whole description.
48:27
I felt like that was awesome anymore.
48:39
No, other than the other thing we were going to talk about.
48:43
Oh dear, I read the name of the commenter.
48:48
What's the name? My comment of the week comes
48:52
from Doctor Cocter 69699. Doctor Cocter good so good.
49:01
The comment is. Does anyone know how to find a
49:03
stronghold in Minecraft on on pornhub?
49:09
The comment underneath is Minecraft info Help.
49:14
Strongholds can be located using Eyes of Ender on Pornhub.
49:20
So. 16 likes. That's so good.
49:26
That's fantastic. So going along with our segments
49:35
here, we've got a segment that we came up with I think in the
49:39
middle of last week because. When we were driving.
49:41
Amber and I got into a oldies but a goodies.
49:46
How do I even? Listening to old music.
49:49
Niche we we started listening to like 2000s bangers because we've
49:54
been on that kick since we did that segment on the podcast
49:59
about listening to the old bangers.
50:00
Well, I just listen to that. Daily that's just your shit.
50:05
So one of the lyrics in a song got my attention and it the
50:09
lyric goes, I don't have the time to pretend you're funny and
50:14
I don't know why, but that just struck me in a way that I like.
50:17
I was like, that's the funniest bit of lyrics I've ever heard.
50:22
I don't know why that's so funny to me.
50:24
I don't have the dime to pretend you're funny.
50:26
That's just hilarious. So I asked, I asked Amber and
50:31
Ryan to come up with three bars. 3 lyrics that they think are
50:39
completely just off the wall would get you cancelled today.
50:48
Just shit that you're like, I can't believe you said that ever
50:53
in a song. I can't believe that's those are
50:55
the words on the page right now. So I've got 2-3, Yeah, I've got
51:02
3. Amber's got I.
51:04
Don't know, I got a bunch. We're going to give her five and
51:07
Ryan's got one. He's busy editing.
51:12
He's busy editing. Don't come for him unless you.
51:15
I mean, unless you want. Unless you want to.
51:19
I can't wait for the fanfic. Gosh.
51:26
So Ryan, can I have your just unhinged lyrics please?
51:33
And who thereby what the song name?
51:35
The whole 9 yards. So this one is literally the
51:41
song title because the entire song is unhinged.
51:47
If you say sucking on a chili dog, no, no do not.
51:54
So it this comes way back in 2003 from the one and only
52:02
Fergalicious band Black Eyed Peas.
52:06
Yes. Let's get retarded.
52:08
Oh. God.
52:12
Buy Your song is unhinged. I sent you that video, didn't I?
52:18
To the point I don't, you may have, I don't know.
52:21
The Comedian. Oh yeah.
52:25
So to the point where that was the original song they released.
52:30
They released that as both a single and part of their album,
52:35
and they realized that the radio stations were playing the song.
52:41
But bleeping the word retarded. So they were like, well, let's
52:46
get even more plays. So they just came up with let's
52:50
get it started. It's.
52:54
Good. So yes, that's that's my one.
52:59
That's the only one I could. Think of it's it popped it as
53:03
soon as you sent that text, it popped it straight into my head.
53:06
And I will never not thank the Black Eyed Peas for making that
53:11
banger. Honestly what a what a what a
53:16
leap of faith, legends, the unreal, just Oh my God that's so
53:22
good. So I I stuck with one band and I
53:29
was able to find unhinged shit from three different songs.
53:34
I'm pretty sure it's on the same album they they lost their minds
53:38
in this year. So my band IS3O3.
53:43
If you don't know them, acquaint yourself with three O 3 if.
53:46
You don't know them. You're dumb.
53:47
You. Have never lived.
53:49
Experienced. I'm not 3 O exclamation mark 3
53:53
three O 3. It's not going to.
53:55
Say my favorite line from them because it might be.
53:58
I'm going to say it, Yeah, Yep, I'm going to say it now.
54:02
So my first one is 3 O3. The song title is Don't Trust
54:06
me. The lyrics go tell your
54:10
boyfriend if he says he's got beef, then I'm a vegetarian and
54:14
I ain't fucking scared of him. She wants to touch me.
54:20
Tell your boyfriend I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking
54:22
scared of him. That's so funny.
54:24
That's not even. I know.
54:26
I'm getting it. I know.
54:28
Fun fact. I'm going.
54:29
I'm going. Before you end that or before
54:32
you continue the next one? I wasn't ending.
54:34
I'm sorry. Ryan, did you know that they're
54:37
going back on tour with Simple Plan?
54:39
No, I did not, but I'm totally down.
54:42
If if you want to come up to Raleigh, NC, I think we should
54:47
all go rally, rally. They're going to be in North
54:50
Carolina. I'm I'm interested.
54:53
I'm also looking at Flyleaf because Laci Stern is touring
54:59
with them again. They've reunited Lacey Stern,
55:03
the original lead singer. No, I know.
55:05
With. Flyleaf she's.
55:07
They're doing a 20th anniversary of their first their original
55:10
album. I'll go.
55:12
She's coming. Back.
55:13
Yeah, I'm totally. Jay doesn't like flyleaf.
55:18
You remember that night when he. Threw my plants No no no.
55:22
You can cut that. So we're going to continue on
55:25
with the same song. There's another lyric in the
55:28
same song, three O 3, don't trust me.
55:31
And it says I said shush girl, shut your lips.
55:36
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
55:40
It's so good. It's so good.
55:43
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
55:46
It's a Will Ferrell throwaway line that they put in the lyrics
55:49
of a song like it's. So.
55:55
Good, my next one. Sticking with three O3 song
55:59
title. I'm not your boyfriend baby
56:02
Lyrics are Amber singing I'm not your boyfriend baby.
56:07
I ain't your cute little sex toy.
56:09
I'm not your lion or your tiger won't be your nasty little boy.
56:14
Thanks. Hated it.
56:15
There was another part in that song that you were like, why?
56:18
Because. It was 1 bar.
56:19
I'm going bar for bar so the next one is 3O3 song title My
56:24
Dick amazing already. Like it's the same as the Black
56:29
Eyed Peas. My Dick, your Dick's growing
56:32
mold. My Dick shines like gold.
56:35
Your Dick's like the Pope. My Dick don't get old.
56:39
Every morning I wake up and cry. It's too much Dick for one guy.
56:44
I can't even. Jesus, so good.
56:46
Hang on, hang on, there's more, there's more.
56:48
I fucking lost it, it says. But if I donated my shit to
56:52
science, motherfucker probably start a riot.
56:57
I love that song so much. It's so.
56:59
Good. Every morning I wake up and cry.
57:01
It's too much Dick for one guy. Those are my submissions.
57:09
Y'all tell us yours. Put it in the comments.
57:14
OK, so I have a couple I can't see.
57:20
So the first one is going to be pretty much all of the
57:29
Millionaires songs. I don't know if you've ever
57:33
heard that band, Ryan. Yep.
57:35
Yeah, it's. It's the millionaires.
57:37
I love money. Bling, bling, bling.
57:39
Yeah, So the one, there's just one line for this one party like
57:44
a millionaire. It starts out millionaires
57:48
bitches. Middle finger in the air if your
57:51
pussy's tight. What?
57:53
All the boys are getting hard down to fuck tonight.
57:58
Hated that. And then all of prom dress.
58:05
I'm not even going to say the whole thing.
58:08
The first line to it is. So millionaire's prom dress,
58:12
Yes. OK listen up bitches, I'm your
58:14
fucking MC. I've got my mind on your
58:17
goodies. I can see your wee wee getting
58:20
hard in your pants boy. I want to see you dance boy.
58:22
A little strip for me to like D i.e.
58:26
I. Hate that?
58:31
And then pretty much all of millionaires.
58:35
Is this how women feel? Back in 20 all the time 2012.
58:40
Yeah. So listen to millionaires take
58:44
off your shirt. Hey there, rich boy.
58:47
I love money, alcohol, prom dress.
58:53
Did I write this? You know those are all the
58:55
songs. OK, Ryan, do you know Jeffrey *?
59:04
Oh dear. Yes, I know.
59:08
I know of the the artist. Formerly now Jeffrey *.
59:16
So do you know that he made music in 2009?
59:21
Oh yes, have you ever heard was all over?
59:23
The Internet at that point, yes, I've heard his music and I do
59:27
not like. You know, lollipop luxury.
59:30
Mm hmm, I'm familiar with that unfortunately.
59:33
Yep, that's one of my favorite songs of his back in the day
59:39
before I found out that he was a piece of shit.
59:43
Why is he a piece of shit? I heard he's racist as shit.
59:47
He's. OK, I have no idea.
59:49
I thought he was a piece of shit.
59:51
I don't like him, no. People just hate him for a
59:56
multitude of reasons, but that's not one of them.
1:00:01
Umm, let me see. Lip gloss and lollipop.
1:00:08
I want to pop. Can't take your eyes off me.
1:00:12
I'm all that you can see. And then it says it again.
1:00:15
Can't take your eyes off me. I'm everything you want to be.
1:00:19
And then it says MMM, hot damn, here I come.
1:00:21
Tell you how you want it done. At the mall, in the hall, on
1:00:24
your mama's bedroom wall. You can choose.
1:00:28
Either way, you'll end up on the news.
1:00:31
Yeah, just like you wanted, right?
1:00:33
Do I make you wet? What the fuck?
1:00:36
It's all about the CUNTI want to hear you say love my pink knife.
1:00:43
You wish you had a slice of me Oh my God.
1:00:46
And then it says fuck me, I'm A Celebrity.
1:00:48
Can't take your eyes off me I'll make you fuck me just to get
1:00:52
somewhere Fuck me I'm A Celebrity can't take your hands
1:00:54
off me. I know you want to suck me, What
1:00:57
are you waiting for? So it's just, it's just Paris
1:01:00
Hilton, like hardcore. 100% hardcore.
1:01:03
Yeah, it's it's Paris. Hilton, if Paris Hilton was a
1:01:06
guy that liked to dress and drag. 100% I loved him so much
1:01:14
back in the day. Did you ever hear the Boom Boom
1:01:18
Pow remix from Jeffrey *? Oh my God, it's full circle.
1:01:22
Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, so.
1:01:25
Hang on, hang on, hang on. He did boom Boom Pow, but he
1:01:27
didn't redo. Let's get retarded.
1:01:29
No, no disappointment. Missed opportunity.
1:01:35
So one part. Even even Jeffrey Star's like,
1:01:38
I'm not going there. I'm not going there.
1:01:39
I'm not. Touching that with a 10 foot
1:01:41
full. Never go full retarded.
1:01:46
Very good. So heated a remix.
1:01:51
It's absolutely fantastic. If you guys have not heard it,
1:01:55
I'm just going to say parts of it.
1:01:57
So it says, yo I got that Terminator twat, you can give me
1:02:03
your Cyborg low, I can swallow it whole.
1:02:05
So wet it flows. Say that again.
1:02:09
Hang on, hold on. Hold every phone.
1:02:13
You got to get that, that, that. Say that again.
1:02:19
Yo, I got that Terminator twat. You can give me your Cyborg
1:02:23
load. I can.
1:02:25
I can swallow it whole. So wet it flows.
1:02:30
That, that, that. That's crazy.
1:02:32
Spit on it, then sit. Oh, there's more.
1:02:35
Yeah, no, there's a lot more. Oh, God.
1:02:38
Sit on it, then spit on it. Then sit.
1:02:41
Obama's rubbing my clit. I got that.
1:02:47
Boom, boom, pow. Make my Kitty go boom boom Ow.
1:02:51
Oh. This is good.
1:02:55
I like that boom Boom Pow and my pussy goes zoom zoom.
1:02:59
Wow boys know my labia got swagga.
1:03:03
I'm on that next shit now. I'm so 3008 make you start your
1:03:08
period late vagina vagina got boom boom boom.
1:03:13
Ride it vroom vroom vroom and then it says.
1:03:17
Dear God. I'm on that supersonic boom,
1:03:20
Fergie. You pissed your pants.
1:03:21
You need a defense costume. Oh fuck.
1:03:24
Shit. Umm.
1:03:27
Did I write this? It sounds like man.
1:03:30
Y'all suck on super 8 Dick that small five stupid eight shit.
1:03:35
I'm on your boyfriend's ass. This beat goes boom boom fast
1:03:40
and then it. I don't know if I can say that,
1:03:42
but I'm going to. It's not what I said.
1:03:46
You're a queer when I turn you on into the future, faggotron.
1:03:49
Oh my God. Harder, quicker, motherfucker,
1:03:52
make the boys extra, longer 'cause we got the meat.
1:03:55
That bounce, we got the future sound, we got the beat, that
1:03:59
eight O 8, the boom boom, turn you out.
1:04:01
And then in perfect screamo of this song, he says bitches in
1:04:06
the place. If you want to get down, put
1:04:09
your tits in the air. Yes, I am going to fuck you.
1:04:13
Brother God has turned his back on us.
1:04:22
Yeah. Do you remember that bit?
1:04:24
The song, yes, I just read it. God, do you remember that bit in
1:04:28
Spy Kids? Yeah, exactly.
1:04:30
Spy Kids 2. With the fingers.
1:04:33
Yes, but do you remember when the Doctor or the scientist that
1:04:38
was making like the fingers? Like are are we looking up at
1:04:41
God or is God just looking down at us or something?
1:04:44
It said something like, do you think God hasn't returned yet
1:04:47
because he's afraid of what he's created?
1:04:52
That's so good. Oh.
1:04:52
I deleted the wrong. One, by the way, just drop that
1:04:55
bar in a Spy Kids movie. Just.
1:04:58
There was another one, just one more thing, and it was broke
1:05:04
inside. Oh, broken side.
1:05:08
Oh dear. Oh, I didn't even look at
1:05:10
Attila. They've got some ridiculous
1:05:13
shit. I I just had one pop into my
1:05:16
head while you're looking. Go for it.
1:05:19
Goes back to the year I graduated song by Blood on the
1:05:26
dance floor which I looked. Them up.
1:05:29
Name any song from them and you will find unhinged lyrics.
1:05:34
It was too cringy, but I did look it up.
1:05:37
Yeah, Candy Land is the one that popped into my head because it's
1:05:41
just awful. It's everything about the song I
1:05:43
hate. I immediately hate the name of
1:05:46
the song like that's. Where did it go?
1:05:48
I'll have to. Send you the the link so you can
1:05:51
listen to it because it's even worse than it sounds.
1:05:54
I'll show it to him. Thank you did.
1:05:57
You have your off. It starts off in a like circus
1:06:04
style sound and this is what he says at the very start of the
1:06:09
song is ladies and. Gentlemen.
1:06:11
Whores and sluts step right up behind the curtain is where all
1:06:16
your fantasies come to life. Goodness.
1:06:21
Now mind you, they look like wish versions of KISS players.
1:06:28
How am I turned on? It's like, it's like Kiss.
1:06:31
Kiss had a. Rebellious.
1:06:34
Yeah, it had. Kiss had a rebellious son that
1:06:37
turned pop punk. That's the.
1:06:40
Best way to destroy pop punky? Yeah.
1:06:43
But the the particular lines that I want is my sticky
1:06:52
lollipop inside the sweet gumdrop.
1:06:55
I'm about to explode. It feels too good to stop.
1:06:59
Just taste my Tootsie roll. You rub my icicle.
1:07:05
I got to get my fix. Please lick my Pixie sticks.
1:07:09
Oh my God y'all listen to this? Shit, yes.
1:07:13
No, I didn't. Somebody showed it to me and
1:07:16
it's been just somebody showed it to my head as a fever
1:07:22
nightmare forever. Me and M used to listen to it
1:07:27
all the time, she's just the worst.
1:07:31
The last one, I should have started with this one because
1:07:34
it's kind of morbid but it's broke inside and the song is
1:07:39
till death threw us part. The very last part it says stay
1:07:50
the fuck away from you bitch, I hate you there.
1:07:54
There ain't nobody around that can save you for what you
1:07:57
rightfully deserve for leaving me, not needing me.
1:08:00
Never was there. Never was there, never believed
1:08:04
in me. I pulled the trigger to get her
1:08:06
fucking attention. I should have murdered the both
1:08:09
of them, but I have nothing against them.
1:08:11
I ran up six flights of steps, ready to sacrifice, wasting my
1:08:15
last bullet shooting the sky. I cashed my knife now with full
1:08:19
force. Of course.
1:08:20
The door had a latch inside, so I kicked it open and noticed her
1:08:24
and her man inside. I yelled.
1:08:26
Don't act like you never fucking deserve this.
1:08:28
I swung my fist. She fell face first into this
1:08:33
face, first to the surface. Oh my God.
1:08:36
I blacked her eye. That asshole tried to pull a GAT
1:08:39
instead I swiped it from his hand and stabbed him in the
1:08:43
abdomen. He screamed with dying tones,
1:08:45
not once to deact the dream. Both unconscious, so I covered
1:08:49
their bodies with gasoline. Bro.
1:08:51
Can't breathe, Bad luck. The bitch had it.
1:08:54
My friend hesitated, then said fuck it and lit the match.
1:08:58
If only you would have cared, you would have seen how nice I
1:09:01
am. But you never wanted me.
1:09:03
So listen, you die for him. What the fuck?
1:09:07
Yeah, that's a song. I was like, what?
1:09:09
I don't. I don't remember the song but
1:09:11
it's from Broken Side. This stuff just like yeah,
1:09:15
disappears into the aura, like we don't even remember it
1:09:18
exists. It's just there on the Internet.
1:09:20
I. Don't think I've heard that
1:09:21
song, but yeah, that was literally the the first song
1:09:26
that I looked up was that. And I was like, Jesus fucking
1:09:30
Christ. And then from there I went to I
1:09:35
can't remember. And then I went to Blood on the
1:09:39
dance floor. And then, oh, I, I looked up.
1:09:42
Do you ever listen to Medic Droid?
1:09:44
No. Medic Droid was was good.
1:09:47
You should listen to for sure. It's FERSURE for sure.
1:09:55
Maybe, for sure not. I know that one.
1:09:58
Yeah, 'cause you've heard me play it a billion times.
1:10:00
So I will amend my statement. What I said earlier was put your
1:10:06
lyrics in the comments guys if you have any.
1:10:09
What I meant to say was good fucking luck beating what we
1:10:12
just said. That is some of the worst shit
1:10:14
I've ever heard. Like Oh my God I was not
1:10:18
expecting any of that. I was looking at three O 3
1:10:22
lyrics about Helen Keller hips. Something about.
1:10:25
Good God. I don't fuck with lesbians.
1:10:30
I don't waste my time with lesbians.
1:10:32
Yeah, so like, like, you know, light hearted things.
1:10:35
Good God. I tried to send it over a text
1:10:39
when we were driving to Myrtle Beach to Ryan and it just said I
1:10:42
don't waste lesbians. I never got.
1:10:48
I think that's what it said. That's.
1:10:51
Gemini. I think that's what it said
1:10:52
because I was trying to give him the the name of the song.
1:10:57
That's funny. Same.
1:10:59
You should talk about that one too, because you were so happy
1:11:04
and nobody laughed as much as. Oh, I, I laughed as.
1:11:08
Much as you wanted. I don't even care So I found I
1:11:11
found a candle called Dane Sade, right?
1:11:16
It was like DANESADE and I don't even know what that means, but I
1:11:22
guess it's a scent or something don't know don't have a clue.
1:11:25
Probably a candle by what's her face from Iron Man.
1:11:29
So as some as I'm sitting there in the store, my brain is like
1:11:35
what the fuck is Dane Sade? Like it just I could not, I
1:11:39
could not stop thinking about this candle.
1:11:41
And then I was like Dwayne Suede.
1:11:46
So I thought of Dwyane Wade made of suede and then I asked AI to
1:11:50
make Dwyane Wade made of suede and then it did it and it looks
1:11:54
horrified 1 And I put it in the group chat and it literally is
1:11:59
Dwayne Suede when he's on the Miami Heat and he's fully made
1:12:04
of suede like couch, brown, couch leather.
1:12:07
I love how the AI didn't even notice it.
1:12:09
The AI made the suede at brown. Like didn't even notice it.
1:12:13
Dude, it is horrific to look at. You have to.
1:12:16
You have to use that as the thumbnail because I swear to
1:12:20
God, that's one of the scariest things I've ever seen.
1:12:24
I love how also with that, like you put that and none of us
1:12:30
responded to that, just like nobody responded to the podcast
1:12:34
sales. Yeah, I think that's so funny.
1:12:37
We literally come in the chat, drop like hilarious bombs and
1:12:42
then we run away like it's like, it's like I I open the the pin
1:12:46
on a grenade and drop it in the room and then I run out of the
1:12:49
room like. And then you look back and
1:12:52
you're like, oh, it didn't go. Off.
1:12:53
Oh, it went off. I know it didn't it?
1:12:56
Absolutely did. No one's alive to laugh.
1:13:00
That was so funny dude. I don't even know what happened.
1:13:02
I'm just in the store in my. Own head.
1:13:04
Pop quietly, silently going Dwayne swade.
1:13:08
He was in the store, he was talking about it.
1:13:12
And then he was like, did you, did you see it?
1:13:14
Did you see it? Did you get it?
1:13:16
Is it funny? Is it funny?
1:13:18
Did you get it? I'm.
1:13:18
Like Dad, I didn't ask if it was.
1:13:21
Oh my God, I'm sorry, he said. Am I funny?
1:13:27
Am I funnier than Tim? You just see him like deck me
1:13:31
over here, like go away. Oh man, so.
1:13:39
We'll have to redo the lyrics portion of this episode with a
1:13:45
video because the facial expressions I was making while
1:13:49
she read the lyrics. Dude, my teeth are fully closed
1:13:55
but I'm like like the my neck is pulling itself into my
1:13:59
shoulders. I'm like Oh my God I hate this
1:14:03
so much. You ever see a person not you
1:14:05
'cause it's you? You ever see a person who has
1:14:08
like a nervous tick and his, his throat, like the side of his
1:14:13
neck is just like throbbing like, like, yeah, that's him.
1:14:19
I had that tick for a while for. A really long time and then you
1:14:24
got rid of bitches. I got rid of stress.
1:14:26
That too, bitches. Bitches.
1:14:28
Yeah, I say. It's just, it was.
1:14:32
Candy Land in episode 27. I think that was one of my
1:14:37
favorite songs. By the way, hated the song title
1:14:40
and then you said the lyrics and I hate it so much more now.
1:14:43
Like like you said, it's worse than I could have thought.
1:14:46
And, and when you hear the actual song itself, it's going
1:14:49
to be even worse than that. Like the whole thing is just
1:14:53
awful. It's just terrible.
1:14:56
Hated it.