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Overwhelmed? Finally get Some Relief... · “I” Of The Hurricane

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me when I say I know what it's like to make your own life difficult.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Does your life feel like Groundhog Day on repeat?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane Podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: So today's going to be a subject that we're all very familiar with, and that is the idea of getting completely overwhelmed at times.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then today's are there some techniques that would help in possibly fixing it or making it better?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll start with a question.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the question is, how often do you wake up at 1 a.m.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: and you find yourself staring at the ceiling or you're replaying a conversation from some time in the past?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've got a knot in your stomach because of the presentation you have to give in three days.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us sit there and we figure financial numbers or bonuses or whatever it may be.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I go through all these worst-case scenarios.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there's so much, so many things that we can ruminate on.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's exhausting.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, what I've found is overwhelm doesn't really stem from things happening to me.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I create it on my own.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, realizing this has been freeing because I realize I have more control over how I'm feeling inside than I used to think when I thought that the all the outside influences are what dictated it.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm hopeful as we talk through this, that by applying a couple techniques, maybe you'll feel like you you get some control back yourself and you don't feel like you're just pulled along the overwhelm train wherever it goes.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the big thing is the overthinking or ruminating, as I keep saying, is the devil.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a blind spot for many of us.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we work on autopilot and we create all this stress and overwhelm, and we're not even aware that it's happening.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I do think there are some ways to increase awareness overall.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and by doing so, you end up in a position to where you become overwhelmed far less.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the first technique.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this first move isn't complicated, but it could change everything.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it comes back to we have to catch ourselves while we're in that cycle.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of the times we're five minutes into the spiral before we even notice that we're in one.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if we practice a simple check-in, anytime we have certain things that trigger us.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll tell you mine.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: If I get a tight chest, if my thoughts end up racing and getting getting really quick, I know it's time to ask myself the question.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the question that's asked is Am I truly facing a problem in this moment?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a million-dollar question, because the answer is almost always no.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: If we go back 2,000 years to the day of the cavemen, you know, they're getting, they're getting chased by saber-toothed tigers.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's more than 2,000 years ago.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But the the answer is yes, right?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You have an immediate danger.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: But you'll find the things that keep you up at night.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're like me, you're gonna find that most of those things are not problems that are directly in front of you.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So when you realize that, you're in a position to where um you realize a lot of the times they're either upcoming events or they're challenges or they're even manufactured ones that'll never come true.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's the old saying that 100% of what we worry about, about 80% of it happens.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, about 80% of it doesn't happen.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So um, it's one of those things where overthinking is a very common thing and has been for a long time.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: But an example of something that's not immediately in front of us.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're laying in bed and we're stressing about the dentist appointment that's two days away.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, will I need a root canal?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Are they gonna have me, you know, try to get a crown?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: What will that cost?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's no problem tonight.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is, you know, Tuesday at one in the morning and my appointment's not till Thursday at four.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've got a speech in two weeks, you know, shouldn't impact my sleep tonight.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if if you're a leader or an employer, maybe it's a courageous conversation or a parent and you're gonna have a courageous conversation with an employee or your spouse, or maybe that's gonna, you know, be in a position to where you're having it with one of your children.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, again, all important things, but none of those are immediate problems.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, when I can say, no, I don't have a real problem that's facing me at this moment, I suddenly feel myself relax.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a huge step.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: What's interesting is if you look into it, there's actually research behind it.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the researchers who study this, they call it thought monitoring.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's one of the most consistent findings in cognitive therapy.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason is we can't interrupt a pattern if we don't notice that we're in it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the naming of the pattern, just because we realize it's there, that doesn't stop it by itself.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: But what it does is it opens a door and all of a sudden it gives you a chance to crush the pattern that you usually run on.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a powerful thing.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it would be really nice to just tell ourselves to stop thinking really about all the things that we that we constantly think about.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: But you and I both know that doesn't work, right?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: The harder we push a thought away, the harder it pushes back on us.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So then the question becomes what's the strategy for that?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can give ruminating or overthinking a designated time slot, so pick a window, you pick it, but maybe it's 15 or 20 minutes, maybe it's the same time every day.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I might may pick a 9 p.m.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: shower every night to do this in.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: But outside of that time frame from 9 to 9.15, if a worry shows up outside of that window, I'm gonna treat it almost like almost like it's a person, which sounds weird.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm gonna say, look, I'm not, I'm not entertaining you right now.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you fit tonight at nine o'clock.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna, I'm gonna give you 15 minutes and and think through this.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing it right now.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So all of a sudden, I will come back to that at nine o'clock when I take a shower.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what's interesting is when the nine o'clock shower comes, a lot of the times, you know, once a whole day has gone by, the things that have crossed our minds that we think are are super important, something really funny happens.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that is by the time we get to our set time, over half the major things that we were concerned about, we can't even remember anymore.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So they lose their grip on us.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how right now they feel so important, but even 12 hours later, you can't recall what they were.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a real technique, and it's used again in cognitive and behavioral therapy.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's called worry postponement.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this may sound like it's completely off the wall, but the rumination doesn't need to be eliminated to lose its grip.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It just needs to have its own space, like we're talking about.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Once your mind trusts that the worry is going to get its turn, it stops interrupting everything else to make sure that we don't forget.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't have to constantly tap you and say, hey, don't forget to worry about this.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to worry about this.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, it knows, oh yeah, we deal with that tonight at nine o'clock.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Try it.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think you'll be surprised.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing, and the one that for me personally has been the most powerful, is a mantra that I want to touch on.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been transfer transformational in my own life.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it was advice I received many years ago about to about specifically how to change your perspective in an instant.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's for every situation that you're involved in that you are either stressed or you're not excited about what the possible outcome is going to be.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I call it the three option test.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's three basic questions you're gonna ask yourself.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the first one you're gonna ask yourself when you get in a situation is can I remove myself from the situation?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: So is this something that I can decide to not participate in, either physically or emotionally?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So an example of that would be, let's say you've got a toxic boss at work.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, a lot of the times we default to the fact that if it's work-related, we're stuck, but that's not necessarily true.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: If it's gotten bad enough, we may have to polish off the resume and go somewhere where where we feel like we are appreciated.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be time to move on.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, a second question, once you've answered that first one, if that first one answer is no, the second one is can I change the situation?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: So is this something I have control over, the details?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if I take a specific action, I'm gonna be able to create a different outcome and feel better.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, very simple again.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's use uh a messy house.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've allowed your house to become a total disaster and you're stressed about it.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when you ask yourself that question, you know it's well within your control to take a day or two, and you can actually fix the problem and alleviate the stress.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if the first two questions, though, you get nos back, then it comes to the last one.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the last one is am I forced to accept this?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if so, you end up in a position where you can't avoid the situation, you can't leave it, there's no way to fix it or make it better.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So now you're in a place where you just have to accept things as they are and decide what your best course action is forward.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So uh another example, perfect one for this would be you're running late to work already, you're super stressed.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: You get out on the interstate and it is bumper to bumper.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you're gonna end up being later.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the question becomes, what can you do?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer is nothing.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it sounds simplistic, but why stress?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's not a thing that you can do at this point.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So to summarize, these are the steps.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna say, Can I leave the situation?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: If it's yes, you've got your answer.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Can I change or modify the situation?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if it's yes, take the best course of action that you think gets you the outcome that you're looking for.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: If it's neither of those, though, and you find you're in a position where you must fully accept the situation, you almost want to decide that the outcome is what you chose.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of fighting and resisting life, you end up in a position to where you say, that's okay, and and I I'm gonna take on this challenge and it's gonna be fine.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then that way you're in a position to where um you're not resisting life when it's presented to us in a way that's not how we want it.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you do that and you can find peace when things are not going right.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's the challenge for all of us, right?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's a challenge every day for me, but you feel so liberated when you take control back.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So do me a favor, just try these things, leave a comment, tell me what works, what doesn't work.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: But they've certainly helped me, and I really hope that they help you as well.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for taking the last 10 minutes and joining me.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Look forward to catching you next time.