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What happens when you tell a narcissist that you don't love them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists act, how
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  they might behave, how they might react when you tell them
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  that you don't love them anymore, if you decide to do
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  that. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, yes, yes. That's the question of the hour,
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  isn't it? The question of the year, the
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  question of the century, isn't it?
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  No, no, it might not be that serious, but this is a lot what
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  a lot of people ask. A lot of people do ask me like
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  Lee, what will happen if I decided to give my narcissistic
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  partner or husband or wife some closure and tell them that that,
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  that tell them that I'm not in love with them anymore.
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  How would they act? How would they react?
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  What would they, you know, would I be in any type of danger?
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  What can I expect and things like that.
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  So this is these are the questions that I get, You know,
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  I tell people it really just depends.
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  It really depends on the type of person that you're dealing with,
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  right? That's the first and foremost.
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  It really depends on the type of narcissistic person that you're
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  dealing with because I'm most times y'all, I'm going to tell
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  people not to do this anyway, right?
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  Most times I'm going to tell people, hey, look, you don't
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  really need to tell them that because I fear for you.
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  Like this is me being fearful for you.
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  The the fact that they might have a visceral reaction to you
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  telling them that you don't want to be with them anymore.
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  They might have a visceral reaction to you telling them
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  that you don't want to be with them anymore.
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  They might have a visceral reaction to you telling them
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  that you don't love them anymore.
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  They might lose they damn minds, right?
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  And it could put you, you yourself in unnecessary danger
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  in this situation right here, right?
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  Like to look them in their face and tell them that you don't
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  love them anymore could cause a just a huge, huge out.
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  I say huge. I'm not even exaggerating.
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  It could cause a huge narcissistic injury like the
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  likes the world has never seen before, like you.
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  You want to crack a narcissist ego.
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  You want to fracture their ego. Tell them that you don't love
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  them anymore. Tell them.
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  That's why I say you might want to be careful when you do that,
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  like you can just if you have to, if you tell them that you
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  want to break up with them and things like that.
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  Yeah. Could it be a possibility that
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  you that you could say that? Yeah, you could say that, but it
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  just results may vary. That's just the truth right
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  there. Y'all results in this situation
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  may absolutely vary because you just never know what you're
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  going to get. You never know how that
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  narcissistic person is going to respond.
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  You never know how they're going to act or react.
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  If you looked them in the face and was like, hey, babe, I don't
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  love you anymore. You think they're going to be
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  like, yeah, you do. Stop playing.
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  Are you serious? Are you serious?
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  Yeah. All I did for you, all the
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  sacrifices I've done, they could lose their damn minds.
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  So a lot of them could react that type of way right there,
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  y'all, Because you know where the mind goes It causes the one
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  of the reasons it causes a it could cause a narcissist to
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  injury is because they automatically assume that you
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  have somebody else. Let's just keep it hot.
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  Y'all know? I got to keep it hot and ready
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  like a little Caesar pizza over here right till a lot of time
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  they this is exactly what happens a lot of times They
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  assume that you have somebody else.
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  They assume that you're leaving them to somebody else.
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  They started immediately imagining you being with
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  somebody else, you marrying somebody else, you having kids,
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  you living with somebody else, you clapping cheeks to somebody
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  else. They they all those thoughts run
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  through their head in like a millisecond.
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  It's just like a bomb and look like a little narcissistic nuke
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  goes off in our minds. It makes us think all this bad
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  stuff makes us feel all this bad stuff makes us just feel like
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  OK, you have to have someone else and these thoughts go
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  through our head and we can't take it.
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  We can't take it. If you tell them that you don't
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  love them anymore to their face or even in text message form, it
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  could make them lose it. So this is what I'm just saying.
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  I know everybody there. There's people out here who
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  think it's the, the adult way to break up with somebody is to
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  just be be truthful to them, look them in their eyes and tell
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  them this type of stuff. Yeah, that's the adult way with
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  a normal, with a healthy functioning person, which could
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  still be dangerous, but that's the going to be the adult way a
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  lot of times. But you have to think safety
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  first, kids, safety first. If you have children, you mean
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  siblings, family members, job safety first, whatever your
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  relationship dynamic is, if you tell them that you like, it's
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  like I don't love you anymore, they feel that and they get
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  angry, they get hurt, they get the pain is unbearable, the
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  shame is unbearable. So in order to get rid of the
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  shame, they have to start making excuses, excuses.
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  They have to start making excuses for you breaking up with
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  them. So the easiest thing, the
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  easiest thing is hey, you fell out of love with me, which must
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  mean that you fell in love with someone else.
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  Who is he? Tell me who he is.
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  Who is she? Where's she from?
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  Where'd you meet her at immediately.
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  Y'all immediately because they they, they can't fathom that you
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  fell out of love with them because the way that they were
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  behaving towards you, they can't fathom.
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  We can't like we like this is me too.
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  This is my how my mind works. You just can't fathom, like in
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  my mind, in my brain, like you moving on, you doing this, you
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  doing that, Like I can't fathom it.
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  It's my fault now because I've been in therapy for over 7 years
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  now. Yeah, we crossed the seven-year.
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  We crossed the seven-year mark because I've been in therapy for
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  over 7 years. I made it this far, right?
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  I've been in therapy for over 7 years.
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  I can look at myself and like, yeah, that's my fault.
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  I can do that right now. But previously, Hell no,
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  previously, hell no. Previously it had to be your
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  fault, right? It had to be something that you
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  had done. It had to be something that you
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  were responsible for. It could not be something that
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  that it was attached to me, which is what happens to so many
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  people. Like they cannot believe that
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  it's something that they themselves have done.
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  This is like the result of their own behaviors.
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  It's it's the, you know, the payback a lot of times.
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  So you know, I'm going to say this as well.
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  Sometimes the, the reverse discard happens, right?
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  The reverse discard happens in a narcissistic relationship where
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  they want you to leave them. They want you to tell them that
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  you don't love them anymore. They want you to be the one that
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  walks away and get so it gives them the excuse to do whatever
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  they want to do, right? It gives them that excuse.
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  It gives them that ability. It gives them that, that mindset
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  to do what they want to do. It gives them that 4th.
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  It gives, it just clears my mind and allows me to do whatever I
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  want to do, right? I'm free.
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  I'm the victim. You broke up with me, right?
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  You left me, you divorced me. I'm free.
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  But that doesn't stop it from hurting them.
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  Like like the truth be told, there's a time in my life I was
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  reverse discarding my I was reverse discarding my wife
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  because I thought I was done. I was just like, I don't want to
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  be this person anymore. I don't.
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  Also, I'm a coward. So I don't have the courage to
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  be the one to break up with her. So I would just start distancing
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  myself emotionally, creating that emotional distance so she
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  would be the one to leave. And then when she did leave, I
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  was hurt. I was like, damn you, You expect
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  it, you want it to happen, but it but they don't tell you.
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  Is it still going to hurt? It still hurt, you know what I
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  mean? It's still stung.
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  It stings. I didn't like it.
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  So that's what I meant. Right now it's just like, no,
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  never again would that happen. Like I'm working to myself so
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  much now that I can take accountability.
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  I know things, certain things are going to be my fault, right?
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  I'm, I can work. I'm, I've been working on that
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  for years. I understand my limitations.
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  I understand the things that benefit me.
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  I understand the things that make me better.
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  I understand the things that empower me, right?
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  I understand all of that. So that helps me out in the long
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  run. It just does it helps me out in
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  the long run. It allows me to get into the
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  space. It allows me to heal and it
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  allows me to grow as well. So just what I'm telling you
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  right now as a diagnosed narcissist myself, like it still
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  hurts. Even if I want you to be the one
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  that leaves, it still hurts when you say, hey, look, I don't love
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  you anymore. I get a text message saying,
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  hey, let's go our separate ways. I don't feel the same anymore.
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  That still hurts. It still stings because even
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  though you're expecting it, you don't know when it's coming.
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  So you'll be having a good day. I'm going to have a good day.
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  I don't love you anymore. What you see what I'm saying?
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  Even if I'm expecting it, I don't know when it's coming.
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  Like even though I expect it, I don't know when it's coming.
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  This is like the end of our lives.
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  Like we all know the one thing, one thing guaranteed in life is
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  death, right? We expect it.
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  We just don't know when it's coming.
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  Relationship death. We expect it.
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  We just don't know when it's coming.
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  Like even when I when I wanted her to be the one that left
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  leave that you did, I wasn't expecting.
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  I mean, I, I didn't know when it was coming.
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  I expected it. I anticipated it.
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  I just didn't know it was coming.
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  So if you tell them you don't love them anymore and they're
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  not ready for it. Even if they are not ready, if
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  they even if they are expecting it or they are not expecting it,
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  even if that's the truth, at the end of the day, they can still
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  just like be hurt and they can still be angry as hell.
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  They can still look at you, look at true look at you with a lot
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  of vitriol and hatred and anger and promise to ruin your life
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  and try to make it like try to make this the biggest mistake of
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  your life. They'll tell you you making the
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  biggest mistake of your life, you making the biggest mistake
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  ever. I'm going to do this.
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  I'm going to do that and will, will a lot of them follow
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  through and do this and do that? Absolutely yes.
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  A lot of them will absolutely follow through and do this and
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  do that and try to ruin your damn life because they feel like
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  there's a benefit in it for them.
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  Like you, You brought shame to me, caused to me a narcissistic
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  injury. So I have to pay you back in
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  some way, shape or form. I have to get you back.
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  I have to get, I have to get my quote UN quote lick back, right.
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  I have to get my lick back. And so in order to get my lick
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  back, I have to do this right here.
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  So that's, that's the way a lot of narcissists and toxic people,
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  that's the way our minds work. So I'm just telling you right
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  now as a diagnosed narcissist myself, I want y'all to win.
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  I want y'all to prosper. I want y'all to do is I want
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  y'all to live the best life you can possibly but so so protect
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  yourself. But I know some of y'all want to
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  give them closure and you just want to be the adult in the room
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  and tell them this. But be careful y'all because you
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  never know how they will react. I just saw literally just saw a
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  story on TikTok about a girl that broke up with her
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  boyfriend. She's 22 he was 26 and he chased
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  her down in the parking lot and used one of these and then
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  trying to run off. He bout to go to jail for the
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  rest of his life. Pathetic ass man pathetic ass to
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  take a break up. So like I said he wanted treated
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  her badly, was being probably being abusive towards and
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  everything. Then she breaks up he can't
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  handle it. A shame.
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  So he tries to put her in the dirt or he did.
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  It's crazy, but anyway y'all thank you for tuning in.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel.
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  And as always y'all, but this is out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 11:20
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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  another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:27
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.